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    A prayer to the motherA need to be freeA project in handA perfect opportunity

    A divine willA destiny changed

    And so I began , one day , revisiting my journey on thisearth .A 4-year-old child ,Holding an Image of Krishna .

    A heart that longedEyes that yearnedTears that flowedJoy that bouncedA Body that rapturedA Soul that Knew -

    -The Knowledge of OnenessAnd the Experience of Separation

    SHIBANI DARA Cell:09810858895 Website:www.touchofgraceartgallery.com

    OVERCOMING FEAR WITH DIVINE LOVE

    http://www.touchofgraceartgallery.com/http://www.touchofgraceartgallery.com/
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    At last I find a meaning of soul's birth

    Into this universe terrible and sweet ,

    I who have felt the hungry heart of earth

    Aspiring beyond heaven to krishna's feet .

    I have seen the beauty of immortal eyes ,

    And heard the passion of the lover's flute ,

    And known a deathless ecstasy's surprise

    And sorrow in my heart for the ever mute .

    Nearer and nearer now the music draws ,

    Life shudders with a strange felicity ;

    All nature is a wide enamored pause

    Hoping her lord to touch , to clasp , to be .

    For this one moment lives the ages past :

    The world now throbs fulfilled in me at last .

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    Choosing the project was easy , an aspiration , a call , anda response.From Divine Love to Human Love to the need to Know ,Experience and Become , was the starting point .Which lead me to go to the root of my emptiness anddryness .

    A prayer to find the cause and The Mothers Grace calledforth from the depths of my being :

    A Revelation .

    Sitting in front of Mothers photograph ,A tremble grippedand paralyzed me , and I looked at The Mothers picturewith absolute fear in my eyes .

    O ! That was it - FEAR !

    Mother was showing me and taking me to the root of what Ihad to work on - FEAR !And so my entire life flashed in front of my eyes and I knewmy prayers had been answered.

    My project got a title :Overcoming Fear with Divine Love .

    Fear and I would have to journey together to discoverDivine Love !

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    In the sparkled atmosphere of Pondicherry ,where nothingremains hidden , I decided to uncover the truth of mybeing .

    To Know it ,to Accept it ,to Face it , to Offer it and bring it toHer Light .

    I started on my journey with my eyes closed .An inward journey unknown and undiscovered .

    I decided to start at the top floor -

    I decided to explore my Mind .

    The only way I could understand the true inner noise of mymind was to be have a quite and silent outer life ; null andvoid .

    Which the Mother gave - happily and quickly .

    I reached the dead end of the road before it forked into 2paths ,I had to make a choice -

    I made !

    On one hand the Shiny Marbled floor and the lure of thedisco lights of ambition , greed , manipulation , falsehood ,attachments , desires -Exotic but Slippery !

    On the other hand - the Desert Land , unknown , bare ,harsh -Where Mirages were created to test your mettle andsincerity .

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    I chose the Desert Land !

    As I walked alone , slightly bored , I initiated this mentaldialogue with myself ;

    Funny isnt it , that you could be living your entire life theway you would want others to see you , the Projection ofyour self through the eyes of others .

    A realization : that I was constantly projecting myself asothers would expect me to be :

    Flawless , Error-free , like a 3 year warrantee softwarewhich would run obediently for the ease and comfort ofthe operator - only that the warrantee period seems to benever ending ......

    My hands were paining from holding that huge woodenboard of a Miss - Perfect" cut out .

    An endless effort , bleeding bands , tired legs , stressedout guarding eyes , a vulnerable heart , and a broken soul .

    ..............Didn't want to do this any more ..

    But the odds where heavy .... The truth could be revealed -I was suffocated , I was not happy , I was not myself .

    Hhhuuuu...ssshhhhhh ...somebody could hear you ........you would be left alone , you must fit in the crowd , be likethem , to be liked by them , laugh when they laugh , crywhen they cry : that's what you are supposed to do .

    ..Nooooooo ... Not Anymore .

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    I want to find out who I really am ? what makes me laugh ?what makes me cry ? what makes me happy ? where is mypath ? the purpose of my life ? the joy of living ? freedom ?truth ?

    The fear of always being anxious about what othersthought of meThe fear of always playing the part that fit the role in theirlittle ambitious dramaThe fear of the projected image falling offThe fear of constant vigilance

    It was Fear - Fear of Failure that made me paint layers andlayers and layers of Falsehood :

    I am tired , my head aches , I bend down on my knees , Ilook up in the sky with my moist eyes , my hands stretchout and my heart cries :

    My Lord !!! Mercy !!!

    The Golden drizzle of compassion poured from the sky ,started washing off the layers and layers of paint - slowly slowly .

    The truth partially uncovered :

    It was OK to cast off the mask and let the fresh airpenetrate my soul .

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    See God everywhere and be not frightened by masks.Believe that all falsehood is truth in the making or truth inthe breaking, all failure , an effectuality concealed, allweakness strength hiding itself from its own vision, all paina secret & violent ecstasy. If thou believest firmly &unweariedly, in the end thou wilt see & experience the All-true, Almighty &All-blissful.

    I gently put down the wooden board on the ground andwalked away into the wilderness , the nature , the truth ;undiscovered yet .

    I was playing the Game of Life with Krishna - and he wasthrowing the Dice of Fear on the Checker Board of thevarious facets of my life .Only - there were no losers here - all winners .

    And soon I reached the Silence Zone : complete outersilence , no pull, no attachments , no demands .

    And in the silence of the truth the long dead noises couldbe heard :

    And the weight of my existence could be felt .

    And then I heard the deafening noise of my mind !

    It was killing !

    My nerves were like wet naked wires under the crushingpressure of the Niagara falls !!

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    I held my hands on my head and fell on my knees , soonmy head was buried in the sand ,

    I could not breath and I was crying .

    I was crying , because the weakness was unbearable .

    The nerves were like afraid children , bashed by naughtynasty kids on the road who had snatched their solepossession :

    Their Peace of Mind !

    There was none now !Robbed of their treasure they did not know how to survive !

    I decided to go further inside my mind :

    It was like a Submarines Radar Control Room :Where the Control Panel was made of iron rods .Iron rods which were hard , stubborn, rusty and rotten .

    I was in the whirl pool of an Underground Fish Tank !Full of sea weeds , moss collected in ever nook andcorner ;Heavy rock formations , stubborn and edgy ;Fish moving about thoughtlessly ; Clashing into eachother , eating each other !

    Sharks were there too - Looking for weaker thoughts to beeaten by its evil intention !

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    The black heavy Octopus moving its deadly 'hands ofthoughts in the most confusing and knotty manner , justswinging here and there , basking in the glory of its powerto cause total chaos in thesurrounding !

    I was suffocated !!I needed air !! my mind needed fresh air !!

    I kicked the jammed iron door of the submarine , with allthe inner strength I could gather .And it broke : the fresh water gushed in with forceAnd the radar room dissolved in the clean blue water .

    Soon the submarine was floating and it was under the openvicinity of the Golden Blue Sky .

    From the Golden Blue Sky , there was a descend of Peaceand Calm and they 'balmed' the childlike tender nerves .The peace penetrated more and more into the mind and thenerves flowered like sun flower - every day little by little .

    And as the inner layers of the mind started to fall silent oneby one .

    Beneath the layers a trembling sound could be heard .

    I removed the sheaths to hear the muffling , sizzlingsound :

    I saw a gray-green Snake with a coiled tail , the tail wouldkeep uncoiling and coiling itself mechanically without abreak !!!

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    It was writhing , almost like it had a natural tremble .

    I looked at the snake and asked in astonishment :

    Me - "Who are you ..?

    The snake turned back to look at me , almost irritated andangry at being interrupted .

    Me- "Why are you hiding inside my mind ?Who gave you the permission to enter my mind ?

    Snake - YOU !

    Me- "I ! You must be joking ! Now come on , tell me whoyou are , And what are you doing here ! You .. You... YouINVADER !

    Snake - "I AM MENTAL FEAR !I belong to the ANTI DIVINE FORCES !I am one of the commanders in the army , my area ofspecialization is spreading fear in the minds of people !

    I could not believe my eyes , or my ears - I had to knowmore !

    Me- " And why my mind : if I may ask ?

    Snake - "Because I can survive only on spongy , damp andweak areas , and your mind is my ideal resting ground .

    I shuddered at its honest confession !

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    Me- "And why did you say that I invited you inside ."

    Snake Look smart alec ! I really don't have the time torespond to all your inquisitive questions .Firstly you come here and disturb my obsessive coiling ,and then you start bombarding me with your dumbquestions !The best way to handle this would be to call my BigBrother .I think he will be a good match for you , he is much moresmooth , subtle , sticky and stronger than me .

    Me- "What ! Your big brother . And where do you think heis at This moment !Snake - "Inside you , Foolish ! Look below ! In your Vital !HaHa ! I love the shock on your face ! Let me call him on

    my cell phone ."

    Me- "CELL PHONE !

    Snake - "Of Course ! Cell phones are the best carriers ofthe beings of our kingdom !

    Then I heard the serpent alien talk gibberish with his copartner and almost instantly from below comes this HUGECOBRA !Deep emerald green with jeweled sea green crystal eyesand a sharp pointed tail.

    Snake 2- HISSSSSSS. What is it Chotu ?.

    Snake 1- "Bhaiya - Our Land Lord has discovered our

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    existence and Is indulging in nagging conversation . Betteryou carry on .

    My shock knew no bounds ! If were not my mind - I wouldhave shrieked the hell out of my own ears drums !

    But I regained my consciousness and remembered myclass-four Hindi lesson ; A True Hindu must treat all guests with the intend ofserving the lord himself !Gosh ! If only they knew !!

    And so I regain my composure and ask my new guest togive me an intro .

    Me- "And who are you ; Sir ? "

    Snake - "I AM VITAL FEAR !

    I reside inside your vital !Very interesting place - I must say .You are a very good host .First you invite us in and then you take so much good careof all of us and constantly feeding us .Do you know how much weight I have put on aftercoming here . Ha Ha !

    Me- Sir Jee ! First of all , can you tell me - what exactly isfear ; Who better than you can tell me this ?Snake Let me unravel the mystery for you .SherlockHomes !

    FEAR is primarily a creation of the vital plane , aninstinct of the ignorance !

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    My brother feeds on negative thoughts , createsImaginary terrors in your mind and clouds yourintelligence and gives you anxiety .

    I primarily feed on lower vital , negative emotionsand sensations .I cause a sense of danger in the vital with a violent vitalreaction that replaces and prevents or distorts theintelligence of things .I cause all the churning inside your stomach , the burning ,uncontrollable, volcano-like' ,volatile outbursts .

    FEAR IS AN INVENTION OF THE HOSTILE ,ADVERSEFORCES.Through which we can almost posses the human beings ,By totally blinding their intelligence and making them ourslaves .My brother and I belong to this huge army of adverse

    forces .And there are plenty more of our fellow adverse beingswith different food preferences- if you may call it so ! Ha!We are there every where in the Earth Atmosphere .Our aim is to capture this planet and make it ourKingdom and make it quite difficult and impossible forDivine Work to be carried on this earth .So far we have been quite successful , because of peoplelike you .

    Me- GULP ! And when exactly did I invite you , I dontquite remember ? "

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    Snake Well , You See - you always had these inherentseeds of Negative thoughts and emotions deeplyembedded in your mind and vital.These negative thoughts and emotions act like DishAntenna and Since we are constantly hovering forInvasion ground ,we caught the vibrations coming fromyou , and we kept a CID' watch on you constantly , waiting

    for a small opening .

    And you didnt disappoint us !!

    There were innumerable moments in the day when youwould be thinking negatively ,being hateful , spiteful ,angry , jealous . And all these movements would causesmall openings in your Protective Web .

    The moment there would be any opening , we wouldimmediately stick our selves on that hole and slowly andsmoothly enter into you .

    And since we feed on all negative and lower emotions andthought patterns , we would subtly incite you to becomemore negative , more angry ..so that out constant supplyof food would be secure .

    You see, it is a Catch 22' situation , the more angry youwould get , the more powerful we would become , themore powerful we would get , the more we could possesyou and make you even more angrier than before .

    Do you get it now ? my friend !You were constantly providing us with food , non stop ,never ending . We were so happy !

    You were a damn good host , we were all over fed .We feed on negative thoughts , negative emotions , anger ,

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    jealousy , hatred , negative thoughts , And you always hadplentiful.I decided to call in all my friends and family here !When they saw you , they knew you could win an award forthe perfect host for us parasites ! We have even nominatedyour name in the Parasitel Guinness Book of worldRecords for THE PERFECT HOST AWARD !!

    And so our entire family came to live here .

    You see - as I said earlier , we are an ANTI DIVINE FORCE ,So we can exist only where there is NOT complete trustand surrender in the Divine .Fear in a person blocks the divine force to settle in .Fear is the WEAPON of the adverse forces !!

    One who is always anxious about the future ,destiny ,Does not believe in the Divine Grace , is always Doubting ,

    Speculating . You had all these qualifications in your BioData ! Ha Ha !

    Me- AND WHAT IS IT , THAT FEAR IS AFRAID OF ?

    Snake Hhhuuhhh ?? Are you by any chance a Cuspzodiac sign - A Libra and A Scorpio ??!!

    Me- "Yyyyyeeeesss . 22 nd October ,but what does thathave to do with all this ? "

    Snake - " Because firstly you ask me all these diplomaticquestions and get your way through me ; like a trueLibran , and then towards the end of our conversation .,you sting me with this deadly question like a trueScorpio ?

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    However I will not disappoint you , because you have beena very good host to me throughout .

    Fear is afraid of only one thing - LIGHT !Because it is always something that is dark is afraid .If there is an awakening in a person , a widening ofconsciousness - our grip loosens , because then theperson is shedding the inherent ignorance deeplyembedded , and fear is the anguish of the ignorance .One who is conscious has no fear , because fear is aphenomenon of the unconsciousness .

    I froze , the whole horror movie ran before my very eyes .In the battle field of kurukshetra , the enemy camp wasinside my regiment . They knew all my weaknesses , andsucked on to me like parasites ; Sapping me of my lifeforce ; and securing their existence !

    I had to settle this matter here - now or never !I continued the conversation like a smooth operator :

    Me- Tell me more about your family !

    Snake We are primarily vital beings .Our father lives in the Subconscient .That is where our main Hub is and then we go and residein the satellite offices like the mind , the vital.

    We have many distant relatives , and like a 'Joint HinduFamily - we prefer to stay together wherever we move .

    One of our very distant relative are the Vibrations ofIllness."

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    Me- VVVVVIBRATIONS OF ILLNESS !!!

    Snake yyyyeeessss , Ha Ha , I love the expression onyour face !You see , the moment we build a comfortable home , weattract our sickening' relatives - so to speak !Through the holes created by us -- they enter into you ,And spread into you ; in the form of various mental ,psychological and physical illnesses .We are all very Interconnected . We have very thick bloodties !"

    The Doctors Bill ran in front of my eyes...: Huge ! neverending !A Permanent Patient : I was !!And now that explains why I would fall ill , every now and

    then .All the various sickness of the mind , emotions and bodywere caused by this FEAR !!I was a Palace for this huge family . I was their manifestingground , their breeding ground .I could provide Steven Spielberg ; a nice script for his nextmovie !

    Suddenly I felt heaviness in my head and around my neck .Making it slowly unbearable to even remain conscious ,It was a strong pull backwards .An irresistible urge to fall into deep slumber in the lap ofInertia .I had to know the reason of this heaviness :

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    It was a Python curled around my neck ;And it had rested all its weight on me : for timeless hours .I looked at it in the eye ; It was sleepy and it was tired .It seemed like the python had finished its faithful tenure ...

    It wanted Salvation ....

    It uncoiled itself from my neck and I laid it on the ground .The Python shed its skin and turned inside out .Its dry skin wrinkled in the sands of time , and I saw thetrue nature of the exposed burden that rested on myshoulders !!!

    Karma !!!Sanskara !!!

    Fear Inherited : A Legacy - Of The Crown Of ThornsReligiously passed on from generation to generation ...

    Heavy .. tired ...... scared .sticky ....

    It was this SEED which was the dish antenna for theadverse forces .I had always possessed it .I inherited it -

    LIKE ONE INHERITS THE DARK DUNGEON WITH THEGOLDEN HAVELI !!!

    But it was time to disown this inheritance :

    I had to free myself from the adverse forces and the meatymass of karma .

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    My head was shaking with fear , it was wheeling round andround like a Mad Gorilla .... Stamping its foot andThumping its chest for salvation from its own madness !!!

    I was sweating , I was gasping for air ...The Scorpio , on the dry sands of my throat clamped mywind pipe .I could not breath ...The Iron Claws of Fear tore apart my vulnerable and weakstomach.I was afraid , very very afraid !!I closed my eyes , holding back my tears and my fears Andcalled her -

    MOTHER SAVE ME! PROTECT ME ! FREE ME MOTHER!MAKE ME YOUR PURE CHILD ! MAKE ME YOUR PURECHILD !

    The Response came :I Heard the voice ; HER voice :

    Remember the rules . Remember . Persevere . Don't GiveUp .Remember my words . Hear them from the depths of yourbeing .From the Core of your Purity . Hear them . Hear them now.now , Do you hear them - My child .

    I hear them Mother ,I hear ........

    I immediately get in touch with my Psychic Being , Call itand let its Light put things in the correct order .

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    I start talking to the Reasoning Mind like a child , tell it thatit is stupid to face fear with fear , one must face fear withcourage and trust in the divine , telling it gently to stopbeing afraid .

    I began calling down peace in my lower vital , the regionbelow my navel .

    Peace ! peace ! peace ! calm ! calm ! calm !

    And slowly I started to feel better and stronger .

    And then , with this strength in my being I look at theadverse beings straight in the Eye and Surprisingly theylost almost three quarter of their power !!!!!!!

    Instead of Attacking me , both the Brothers were shockedat my Unexpected Courage to look at them Straight in theEye , they became as still as Statues and actually lost

    Majority of their Power !! They began to shrink in size !!!

    And with my Reservoir of this Newly Discovered InnerStrength ; I called very concretely for the Divine MotherProtective Force .

    SHE came to my rescue .....SHE came to save me from these adverse forces ....

    I fell at her feet in gratitude and with my dry , tom , parchedlips - I kissed her feet .

    She looked at me with her piercing eyes , seeing allthrough me - For nothing could be hidden from her .Then she picked me up and settled me on my feet , ran herhand through my hair and handed over HER MANTRA tome.....

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    I held her hand , and in her Presence ,I read it aloud - withmy Soul :

    IN THE NAME OF THE MOTHERFORTHE SAKE OF THE MOTHERBY THE POWER OF THE MOTHERWITH THE STRENGTH OF THE MOTHERTO ALL ADVERSE HARMFUL BEING OR FORCEI ORDER TO QUIT THIS PLACE AT ONCE AND FOR EVER.

    And Lo Behold !!! There was Thunder Storm , in theDesert !!!

    Lord Indra woke up from his desire full sleep , climbed hisWhite Elephant Iravat and with his Thunder Shaft , came toHonor the Words of The Divine Mother !

    The ground trembled , the vibrations of Her Mantra weretoo Pious for the Earths bleeding navel .

    And one by one all the adverse forces started to flee , theywere hidden in all nooks and comers of my mind and vital .some fled . some dissolved in Her Golden Light .......

    I felt like a balloon being punctured out of poisonous gas !

    I looked up at the sky ,There was a rainbow after the rains ,Only this time the shape of the rainbow was like herTurban .The Sun appeared out of the cloudy deep gray sky andsent down its ray of Golden Light and penetrated into theliving mass of Karma .

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    There was Resistance , there was a Fight , the Karmawanted to live its Full Tenure .It was bound by the Cosmic Laws .Like a Faithful Servant - it had to serve the Law of Causeand Effect !

    But here was HER Light, so Powerful , so Forceful , TooStrong to take up the fight .

    The Light had Challenged the Karmic Tenure !It had the Power to Change Destiny !Erase the Black Board of the Fixed Planetary Movements !Maths was Defied !

    It was now a New Formula at play - Her Cosmic Play !

    Karma for too weak to revolt .Clearly SHE was INCHARGE .

    It bowed and accepted HER REIGN .

    A movement of Release , Loosening ,Fading , Erasing ,Diluting and Lo Behold :

    Karma dissolved into the Golden Light !

    The whole jungle danced in the Golden Plasma andChanted !

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    OM ! TAT! SAT!

    And that which is existence , the same is consciousness .The world constituted of consciousness shines in the spiritwhich is consciousness ,

    It is the real light of the real divine ,As the reflection of the sun is one in calm water , but themultiple in restless water ; real is the sun , real is thereflection , the real light of the real sun , it is not a dreambut the light of a reality .

    Or as the light of the sun shines filling the solar world withits force as if running, real is that light , the real luster ofthe real sun , that is not false shining , but a real luster of areality .

    Or as the flaming disc of the sun is not the sun itself, butthis Material form only manifests the sun-ness of the sun

    to our knowledge which is dependent on the materialbeing , the sun is beyond that form ; real is the sun , realthe form in the shape of the disc , it is the real light of thereal sun , not illusory , but the real light of a reality .

    Similarly , here the world -Brahman is the true light of thedivine ,not a dream , nor illusory , nor a false shining .It is the real light of the reality , not the divine in himself butstill he Himself only..

    This is the Supreme Maya , this is the greatness of theyoga of the mysterious Lord of Yoga , Sri Krishna .This is his blissful lila with his Consciousness - Force ,

    This is the inconceivable working of the Supreme .

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    Truth Revealed :

    I have the Light within me .

    The Golden Divine Light of Truth Consciousness .

    It is only This Divine Light which can dissolve all adverseforces , which can dissolve all karma - only this DivineIntervention .

    All it needs is the Consciousness to be established in thisLight Within :By the inward gazeBy that inner journey into oneselfStanding in this light - Believing in the Strength of oneseternal soulRejecting nothing - accepting all

    To look where there is Fear

    To look where there is PainTo look where there is ObscurityTo look where there is DistortionTo look where there is DarknessTo look where there is MudTo look where there is The Swamp of Dirty WaterTo look where there is Despair

    To look with this Divine Light

    Then what is there that will remain HiddenThen what is there that will not be RevealedThen what is there that will not be Transformed

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    All Deserts into BeachesAll Rocks into JewelsAll weakness into StrengthAll Perversion into PerfectionAll Despair into HopeAll Karma into Free WillAll Darkness into LightAll Desert Land into Sunlit Path

    And I continue Treading the Sunlit Path ...

    Mental fear , Vital fear , Seen them in the face .What was left to be experienced - Physical fear .

    I had to find out the Physical Origin of Fear .

    This calls for an Adventure !

    I decide to climb up a 23 Meter High windmill !

    And consciously live the experience of fear in my Cells andlisten to their horror story directly .I start climbing up the thin iron stairs .And as I reach halfway , my body paralyses ,I look downand I know , I had challenged the gravitational pull of theearth and all the ruling beings of this planet were not goingto take easy about this ! Slowly and steadily I decide tofollow my heart and not my body and I reach the top .

    And there is a discovery :This was no ordinary windmill !

    The wooden plank for standing is usually 4 meters belowthe fan blades ( or should I call them the swords of death )In this windmill the steel blades were my immediateneighbors and all I had was a 12 inch wooden plank to

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    stand on and a greasy iron rod to grip my hands .And if nature's fury caused a heavy wind , the bladeswould do a Swirling Salsa and the Sun would Set ...onme...

    I stood on the plank and looked down ; It was too high formy imagination .And that is when for 45 whole minutes I became acutelyaware of the Diverse Beings which resided in my 5 foot 7body .My Mind and vital experienced the least fear , much to mysurprise .In this entire journey of discovery of fear . so far , It seemsthey had been good learners of the lessons in thediscovery of the truth of life .

    From beneath the mental and vital silence , there was andeafening awareness of Physical Fear .

    It was a revelation that the senses were relating theexperience of the fear of falling and the tall separation fromearth ; directly to the body ; and the cells of my body weretrembling with shrieking fear ....it was paralyzing ....

    And then I became acutely aware of my Physical mind !

    The Physical Mind was using the Nerves Substance !The physical mind is a natural defeatist , by its veryessence it weaves webs of defeatist thoughts that keepknitting this block which stops the positive energy to flownaturally.True to the very nature of the physical mind ; It would keepchurning in my head - like a huge iron water pump -

    You will fall !! you will fall !! you will fall !! you will die !! youwill die !!

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    There was no way I could stop these bombardingthoughts !!

    My legs were shaking profusely , the cells were shriekingwith terror .They sought no logic or reasoning .They were shriekingbecause that had become their natural habit !They had been shrieking since the evolution started ;Sometime for self defense ; sometimes against thetyranny of their mental boss .

    As my body was emerged in the experience of extremefear , A flock of birds flew passed my head and myConsciousness suddenly changed its place of residence :

    It went and resided in my heart and I noticed -How different and beautiful was this experience !!It was as if I could feel the pulse of the heart of the flyingbirds .

    It was a feeling of a Free Spirit .Of viewing nature like an Overmind God ; smiling at itscreation .The vastness of space , the greenery as a back drop .The perched birds looking up at me ; there beaks open inawe .The branches of the Giant tress spreading out to greet acomrade .

    I realized how all the parts of my being reacted differentlyto this adventure :

    While my mind and vital were the silent spectators , myheart was flying like a free bird and the cells of my bodydeep deep down lived in constant fear , fright and anxiety .

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    I had to Integrate . I had to hold all the Strings of myConsciousness !

    The greasy iron rod was not strong enough to hold mytrembling hands .

    I needed a concrete grip - which would not let me Fall ; notlet me Fail :

    The Mothers Grip .

    And I gripped HER hand tightly , she held my hand too ,and then I clearly understood what she was teaching me .

    The ordinary consciousness lives in a constant quiver ,when you notice it , it's frightful !

    As long as you dont notice it , its perfectly natural, butwhen you notice it , you wonder how people don't go

    insane , its a grace .Its a sort of a tiny tremor , oh , how horrible !It's like a veil of falsehood over truth , that's what isresponsible for everything we see here .If one takes that off, things will be completely different ,entirely different ,When you come out of this ordinary consciousness andenter the truth - consciousness , you are so astonishedthat something like suffering , misery , death and all thatcan exist .It would take very little , very little to go from this world tothe otherFOR THE OTHER WORLD TO BECOME THE TRUE ONE .

    A small triggering would be enough , or a small reversal inthe inner attitude .

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    I determine to overcome my current state of severparalyses of my body.And though I am sweating with fear , in utter discomfort,unable to breathe , helpless , unable to move , or think ordo anything , I decide to SUBSTITUTE this vibration of fearin the cells of my body , with the vibration of Joy that wasbursting in my heart :

    I profusely chant my mantra -

    MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER

    And slowly slowly my entire body is soaked in the mantraand it seems all the cells are chanting with me - and thenSuddenly !!!

    The Consciousness - the Body Consciousness Changes !!!There is Silence in the Cells !!!There is Joy in the cells !!!

    There is Trust in the Divine !!!There is Truth Consciousness !!!

    And the Tremor Dissolves

    The view from the windmill changed :

    My heart , mind , my vital and my body looked towardsgreater heights -Towards the infinite sky .

    The sun is setting ;Not on me ;But on my fear .

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    The Secret Knowledge had been revealed to me 23 metersabove the earth on a 12 wooden plank , hanging betweenlife and death !

    I have come down from the windmill :

    Back In the security of the Mother Earths Gravitational Pull

    But I carry with me in my heart : The Secret Knowledge

    On a height he stood that looked towards greater heights,Our early approaches to the Infinite

    Is a preface only of the epic climbOf human soul from its flat earthly state

    To the discovery of a greater selfAnd the far gleam of an eternal Light.

    We are constantly absorbed in the outer Consciousness ,A slave of circumstances .

    This world is a beginning and a baseWhere Life and Mind erect their structured dreams;

    There is a wideness and Depth in our Consciousness ofwhich this Surface Nature has no Knowledge .

    There is in us the Imperishable Light .

    There is an Immortal Self in us , which is Dormant , andwaiting to be discovered .

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    But these are on the surface , they are " hidden,subliminal , mysticalAnd the only means to have true knowledge of them is :An Inward turn

    Without this inward turn , all in life would seem accidental ,a work of chance , insignificant .

    The world appears from nothingness to nothingness .

    When we can open to the descend from above into thehuman consciousness , we can feel the presence of themaster in us , who clearly guides us and responds to ouraspirations .

    An unborn Power must build reality.

    And temples to the godhead none can see.

    A shapeless memory lingers in us still

    And sometimes, when our sight is tuned within,Earth's ignorant veil is lifted from our eyes;

    In the unfolding process of the SelfSometimes the inexpressible Mystery

    Elects a human vessel of descent.

    A breath comes down from a supernal air,A Presence is born, a guiding Light awakes,

    A stillness falls upon the instruments:

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    Unfortunately , so closed are we in our shells , that theDivine has to press down upon us , his pressure , toawaken us from our slumber .

    And then the Divine pays no heed to the havoc created byits force on the resisting shell , for it can see the Blissbehind the agonizing heart .Or a revealing Force sweeps blazing in;Out of some vast superior continentKnowledge breaks through trailing its radiant seas,

    And Nature trembles with the power, the flame.

    A greater Personality sometimesPossesses us which yet we know is ours:

    Or toe adore the Master of our souls.Then the small bodily ego thins and falls;

    No more insisting on its separate self,Losing the punctilio of its separate birth,

    It leaves us one with Nature and with God.

    The divine play starts - Knowledge and Ignorance ,Lightand Darkness, Pleasure and pain -

    There are Two who are One and play in many worlds .

    The Divine takes on the Mask of Imperfection so thatultimately the human can rise to the Divine Nature .

    This is our inevitable destiny .

    The Absolute , The Perfect and The Alone takes up this

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    Adventure of plunging himself into the UnfathomableDepths of the Inconscient - because :

    To evoke a Person in the impersonal Void,With the Truth-Light strike earths massive roots of trance,Wake a dumb self in the inconscient depths

    The Secret Knowledge was revealed to me by TheMother .It must have a purpose in my life , which I have notyet discovered. Though it gives a hazy hint of the path tobe pursued :

    There is a plan in the Mothers deep world-whim,A purpose in her vast and random game

    And raise a lost Power from its python sleepThat the eyes of the Timeless might took out from Time

    And the world manifest the unveiled Divine.

    Mental fear , vital fear , physical fear ; Seen them in theeye .What was next ? The journey is on , the path is long , Icannot stop , must move on .

    As I walk on , there is a hurling wind storm in the desert ,the sharp turns of the cyclone feel like blows to my body .

    Suddenly - A sharp physical pain in my abdomen - verysharp , very hurting , very familiar .

    A pain so intense that I knew it is this pain that I have livedthroughout my life ..

    I have experienced it in every wakeful and sleepingmoment .

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    I have lived , literally soaked in this pain .

    In this intense pain , I called for The Mothers Help and

    Suddenly I was pushed outside this sensation and it wasas if I was watching this movement of pain.I could feel that something else was in pain and it was notme . It was something else which was experiencing thispain .But how could that be possible ? The pain was clearlyinside me yet I was not in pain ?

    Ohhhh Yyess ! The answer came from within !

    My Consciousness had shifted from the sensation of painto somewhere else outside , where I was able to see thepain as separate from my self !

    And I watched shamelessly :

    I could see an object in my vital .This object was experiencing the pain from the blows andknocks of life !It was a black steel being , smashed at various places ,bleeding with open wounds .Crying with sadness at its defeat and inability to handleand withstand the shocks of life !

    Who was this being inside me ?

    The answer came from within :

    MY VITAL EGO !

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    With my trembling hands- I held the ego in my hands -The naked , smashed , black entity ... with a huge head anda tiny body .It looked at me , a tear dropped from its left eye - on myhandsAnd I knew why it had suffered all these years -maybelifetimes :

    It was this ego which always gave me the sense of beingseparate from everything around me .

    A constant acknowledgement of the "I ness , ''ME" ,MINE , "I WANT , I DESIRE , ''I LIKE , "I HATE !

    All grief was born out of this ego from the contacts ofexistence .Its sense of fear was born from the sense of being exposedto all these contacts which are not itself .Because of this feeling of separation , I was unable to enter

    into harmony and oneness with the environment and sothe inability of enjoying life in the true sense .And because of this inability of knowing or becomingaware of my true self , there was always this discord anddisharmony within my own being and with other beings ,as well .And these caused all my mental ,emotional and physicalsuffering .An extreme sense of weakness and inadequacy .Draining of energy in trying to be self fulfilled - but onlyreceiving emptiness in return.

    It was the vital ego who desired , it was the ego who wasambitious , it was the vital ego who wanted to posses , itwas the vital ego who was Afraid !

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    Afraid for its Self Existence , Self Assertion , SelfAffirmation !It knew only ONE standard -Its own Satisfaction , Its own Growth , Its own Strength , Itsown Greatness

    To impose itself on the world or defend itself from theworld.So deeply steeped am I in Egoism - that I want to pulleverything towards me and other people do not interestme .Always putting my self at the center of the universe and allthings exist only in relation to myself .And for that even if the vital ego has to dominate my mindto create stories of Self Justification of its actions ; it willdo so happily !

    Most of my sensitiveness was a result and a sign of theego .

    All bitterness in life came from this ego refusing toabdicate .

    And as I look at the wounds of the ego in front of me , I goback in time .

    Ever since I can remember ,After my wakeful years on this tyrant earth - The blowscame right from my tender years -One after another andanother ...The stock of tears never seemed to end .And I would look at the picture of Krishna and cryWhy ? why are you so Hard ? Stop ! Stop ! But it neverstopped ......

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    For I was trapped in my ego .That was my identity ; I thought .I associated the I" with this vital ego .I felt its pain , its anguish , its wailing .

    And today , looking at the smashed entity - I realize that Itis not the soul but the ego and its pride that felt defeat andhumiliation and pain and shocks .

    It was the ego that was being blown apart !

    And the mother broke it !

    This Knot of ego is so tight that it requires the Sword ofKali to break it apart .And Kali revealed as Dreadful Power and the WrathfulLove .She Slayed with her furious blows this ego in order toliberate it as spirit eternal .

    The face of my vital ego was revealed to me !These are moments of grace , which the divine givesus ,for our sake .There must have been some very minuscule part in mybeing where the ego must have been conquered ; for thedivine to reveal to me the very existence of the ego in myvital .

    Everything changed :

    The veil removed and the virgin truth revealed itself with anaughty smile adorning a peacock feather .

    And that smile said what a Thousands epics could not !

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    "In moments of Despair , when you thought there was nohopeIn moments of Sadness , when you yearned for that onespark of joyIn moments of Loneliness , when you yearned for comfortIn moments of Failure , when you Cursed me if thingsdidn't move as per your dreams and desires It was inthose moments that I was Hugging you ; My Love .

    For it was not you who was getting blown to shreds It wasyour vital ego which was coming between Me and youAnd it was this Intense Love for you that I was breaking thebarrierSo we could UniteSo My Love could flow into your being without Hindrance

    Let the ego cry ! let it hurt ! For - ITS HOUR HAS GONE !It is now - THE HOUR OF GOD !And this hour too was decided by ME !"

    My lover took away my robe of sin and I let it fall, rejoicing;then he plucked at my robe of virtue, but I was ashamedand alarmed and prevented him. It was not till he wrested itfrom me by force to show my soul hidden from me.

    I have to put this egoism out of me , hunting it from everylair and burrow and bathe my purified and naked soul inher infinite workings Then and only then will divine berevealed to me .

    It is all a matter of learning my lessons quickly and theninstantly everything will change .

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    Till the time I will feel the shocks ,till the time I will react ,tillthe time the outer knocks will cause pain , physical ,emotional , mental - I will know the ego exists , the egoprinciple is active - The idea of separation exists , for onlyopposite and separate forces .

    How can two united forces ; cause a knock or a blow ?

    This is the lesson that I have to learn .

    I must go deep deep within and find the Eternal Essence ofmy being to know the Creative Reality in my self, to realizethat it is One Single Thing - One Unity -UNITY of CONSCIOUSNESS .

    Beyond it all , at the bottom , at the center , at the summitof the being ,

    There is a Supreme Truth of the Being , an Eternal Light ,independent of all circumstances of birth , of country , ofenvironment , of education :The origin , cause and master of our spiritual development-It is THAT that gives a definite orientation to our existence ,It is THAT that decides our destiny .

    Instead of pulling the Divine into me , I have decided togive myself to the Divine without holding back anything ,simply for the joy of giving myself.

    TO MERGE MY EGO IN THE DIVINE !

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    But nobody offers stale , rotten Flowers to the Divine ;

    I have to first Integrate all the Strings of myConsciousness ,Become a Conscious Individual ,To be Conscious of all the movement of my mind , vital ,physical ,To Surround my Being around my Psychic ,To Truly and Sincerely become a life student of the Scienceof Living ,Flower my Personality - both Inner and Outer ConsecrateEverything to the Divine .To engrave in my soul LET ONLY THE WILL BE DONE ,MOTHER

    Only then will the Divine give me permission to let my egomerge in the Divine , to live only for the Divine .

    However long it may take , however many lifetimes andrebirths .

    For once I am individualized , then I will tell the Divine :" Here I am , I am ready do you want me .

    And the divine will say :YES"

    All will be accomplished !

    One day - There will be no more I , there will be no moreego ,there will be no more fear ....... One day

    For That which knows has no fear .

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    Now it was only me and Her .

    She smiled again and hugged me tight and then I knewhow much She truly loved me .

    And as She hugged me tight , Her Golden Light fell on theempty dark Abyss of my Consciousness :

    There is a cry - an anguishAn anguish of long awaited reliefThe sigh of a healing woundThe freedom of knowing it was OK to beThe freedom of opening without fearThe allowance to unburdenThe hand of friendshipThe freshness of virgin natureThe pouring of warmthThe freshness of warmthThe embrace of the mother

    The absolute giving - without holdingThe blissful sleep on the mothers lapThe yearning of the wounded Inconscient for its lover ;

    and HER LOVE comes as its SAVIOUR !

    Only the divine love can throw a bridge over the woundsthat were dug when in this being the consciousnessseparated from its divine origin and became inconscience .

    From hell and backThe journey on the dry sands of time killed many Demonswithin ,They have been removed and dissolvedBut the gaping wounds from the stampede of their ironnailed shoes remain ;There are open wounds in my Consciousness which haveto be Sealed:

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    My gaping wounds are a thousand and oneAnd the Titan kings assail ,But I cannot rest till my task is done

    And wrought the eternal will .

    How they mock and sneer , both devils and men !" Thy hope is chimera's headPainting the sky with its fiery stain ;Thou shalt fall and thy work lie dead .

    " This earth is ours , a field of NightFor our petty flickering fires.How shall it brook the sacred LightOr suffer a god's desires ?

    But the god is there in my mortal breastWho wrestles with error and fate

    And tramples a road through mire and waste

    For the nameless Immaculate .

    A voice cried , " Go where none have gone !Dig deeper , deeper yetTill thou reach the grim foundation stone

    And knock at the keyless gate ."

    I saw that a falsehood was planted deepAt the very root of thingsWhere the grey Sphinx guards God's riddle sleepOn the Dragon's outspread wings .

    I have delved through the dumb Earths dreadful heartAnd have heard her black mass' bell .I have seen the source whence her agonies part

    And the inner reason of hell .

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    On a desperate stair my feet have trotArmoured with boundless peace,Bringing the fires of the splendour of GodInto the human abyss ,

    He who I am was with me still ;All veils are breaking now .I have heard His voice and borne His willOn my vast untroubled brow .

    The gulf twixt the depths and the heights is bridgedAnd the golden waters pourDown the sapphire mountain rainbow -ridged

    And glimmer from shore to shore .

    I shall leave my dreams in their argent air ,For in a raiment of gold and blueThere shall move on the earth embodied and fairThe living truth of you .

    I pray to her to HEAL me Whole , Complete and Integral .Body , Mind and Soul .

    And she starts the process very very concretely :It seems the Holy Universe Forces are reaching out to meas Healing Agents assigned by her ..

    And mentor me the way to Eternal Integral HealingAnd so I stand in The Mothers Presence !

    Chant the mantra :

    MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER

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    Invoking Her Divine Grace !

    Receiving the Divine Force of Consciousness and Truthwith one Hand !Projecting it on the wounds with the other Hand !Her divine healing energy and divine healing powers Sealthe wounds.Shield the protective web , so any adverse force dare notventure into this protected zone .

    For there is a Hand Of God above which looks down andsays -Stay away this fella belongs to me !

    For Ever and Ever and Ever ! In Full Faith ! So Be It !

    And the process goes on . all is New and Fragrant andPure.Like the Sandal Wood Incense which is offered at the Feet

    oft the Divine .

    A journey with fear took me to depths of my mind , myvital , my physical , my ego .

    But it is not my Journey alone , It is the Journey of everySoul .

    It is not my pain alone - It is Universal pain .

    The wounds are not mine only - They are the wounds of theInconscient .

    The Embrace of the mother is not only for me -It is the Embrace of the Divine to Unite back to itsSeparated Unconsciousness .

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    Every battle Won within - Is a battle won against the evil forthe sake of the Divine .

    A Divine Golden Touch received for every ounce of theSoul's Blood-Shed .

    None of this would have happened if Mother had notshown me the face of this Devil Fear in my being .I had 2 Choices :To remain its victimized puppet , or to turn this adversity asa stepping stone for my souls evolution and as aparticipant in the divine plan.

    I decide to live up to the Divine Task bestowed upon meand suddenly and then Everything changes its Perception .

    The role of the adverse beings changed.Their torture became the test of my inner strength .

    The perception of the situations which bought about deadends changed , only so I could become aware of theinherent courage to create a new path forward from thisdead end .

    The perception of people who seemed like devil incarnatechanged , sources of hurt and pain - so much pain - Thatthe ego had no choice but to breakdown and smash- Thesepeople were the hand of God , at all moments they werenudging me to be aware of this ego that was standingbetween me and the Divine .

    The perception of the unfulfilled desires changedFor they forced me to change my path and come closerand closer to the Divine.

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    The perception of unaccomplished ambition changedfor it prevented me from becoming the Devils Advocate .

    The perception of the breaking human attachmentschangedFor there is freedom now to belong to the divine alone .

    The perception of Fear changedFor it lead me to Divine Love !

    And I understand now -what it means that ; all is the DivinePlay !

    It is altogether true that everything changes itsappearance ,totally that life and things are completelydifferent from what they appear to be .

    When one has this perception the perception of the work

    of the divine force , of the movement being worked outbehind the appearance , through the appearance - onebegins to be ready to live something truer than theordinary human falsehood ..One is shut up in a shell , and inside it something ishappening , like a chick in the egg ,It is getting ready inthere .it is in there .one doesnt see it .

    Something is happening in the shell , but outside one seesnothing .

    And it is only when all is ready that there comes thecapacity to pierce the shell and to be born into the light ofday .

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    There is rather a kind of accumulation of power inside , anintensification of the need , and an endurance in the effortwhich becomes free from all fear , all anxiety , allcalculation ;a need so imperative that one no longer cares for theconsequences.One feels like an explosive that wants to burst out fromone's prison in a bIaze of light ,

    And that moment ; when it comes would be truly a newbirth .

    My tears cant stop flowing .She commanded me in the darkest moments of my life onthe rocky sea side , the turbulent waves and the gushingwind .

    Become solid , Become solid ,don't look for me outside ,look inside

    And there you will find me in every form , look inside , lookinside .

    I look inside .A Golden TunnelA Pink FlameThe Melody of Krishna's FluteAnd Her Direct Command :

    These are not words Pass through to the other side .

    Sincerely yours,

    Creative writing by