Effective Communication Because not everyone is easy to communicate with.

Introduction “Dealing With People You Can’t Stand” by Dr. Rick Kirschner

and Dr. Rick Brinkman “Crucial Conversations” by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and

Switzler These two texts will frame our discussion for this session.

Intended outcomes of this session: We will discuss the top 10 personality types and how to

communicate effectively and efficiently when they are at their worst. Learn different techniques to unlock the doors to people‘s minds,

hearts, and needs. Transform negativity to work in your best interests. Internal perspective on how you are viewed by other

people!!

Terminology – Keys to Success Blending – reducing the differences between you and other people to meet them

where they are to build rapport (First) Redirecting – using the established rapport to change the trajectory of the

conversation (Second) Understanding – 1. Emotional – people feel that you understand what they are

feeling; 2. Intellectually – people believe that you understand what they are saying Backtracking – repeating back some of the actual words that other people are

using. **No translating or paraphrasing; No blanket repeating!!** Pygmalion Power – making individuals conform to your internal goals and

intentions. I.e. Chicago Public Schools example, Children example. Polarity – intentionally using negative stimuli to get positive response from subject AMPP – Ask to get things rolling, Mirror to confirm feelings, Paraphrase to

acknowledge the story, & Prime when getting nowhere STATE – Share your facts, Tell your story, Ask for others’ paths, Encourage testing

Personalities 101 The Lens of Understanding.

• Vertices – Task People, PassiveAggressive

• All lead to understanding the individual & behavior types

• Sometimes people move in & out of zones, depending on the situation at hand.

• Move out of the Danger Zones and move into the Cooperation Zone

Tank – Sniper – Know it AllHigh Aggressive, High Task Oriented.

“The Tank”When you’re under attack by the Tank, you’ve been targeted as part of the problem. Traits:• Loud, aggressive, forceful, ends justify the

meansTypical Response (Don’t Do)• Counterattack – Patton vs. Rommel• Defend, Explain, or Justify – has no interest in

this.• Shut down – become a nothing person and let

them roll over you.

Your Goal: Command Respect • They don’t attack people they respect

How???1. Hold your Ground 2. Interrupt the attack – say their name over and

over!3. Backtrack their main point 4. Aim for the bottom line & fire – First Person 5. Peace with honor – be assertive, but nice!

Tank – Sniper – Know it AllHigh Aggressive, High Task Oriented. (Also People)

“The Sniper”The Sniper will place well placed shots to undermine your productivity and come out in control. Traits:• Rude comments, eye rolling, biting tone of voice Typical Response (Don’t Do)• Counterattack – Fire with fire• Your emotions will spill over into your response,

use caution…

Your Goal: Cool. Calm. Collected. • What would Elsa do?

How???1. Stop, look, backtrack. 2. Use searchlight questions – Intent & Relevancy3. Use Tank Strategy if needed – Stand Ground!4. Grievance Patrol – Find out in private what the

deal is…5. Suggest a civil future – talk it out.

Tank – Sniper – Know it AllHigh Aggressive, High Task Oriented.

“The Know it all”The know it alls are very competent, assertive, and outspoken. Tread lightly…Traits:• Controlling, close minded Typical Response (Don’t Do)• Counterattack – Fire with fire• They have done their homework on the topic.

Experts on subject matter. Come prepared!

Your Goal: Open their minds. • New information, New ideas.

How???1. Be Prepared. Know you stuff! 2. Backtrack, respectfully.3. Blend with their doubts & desires!4. Present your ideas indirectly- Quick & Cautious. 5. Establish a mentoring relationship – they will

respect this.

Grenade – Sniper – Know it AllHigh Aggressive, High People Oriented.

“The Grenade”The grenade has lost it. Reason, control, temperament. Who pulled the pin??? Traits:• Immediate demand for attention, blowing up,

losing control of situationTypical Response (Don’t Do)• Blow up at them for blowing up• Quietly withdraw and despise from a distance

Your Goal: Take control of the situation. • Create the circumstance for control.

How???1. Get the person’s attention – remember tank?2. Aim for the heart – show concern. Tell them

what they need to hear.3. Reduce the intensity – voice & non-verbals. 4. Take a time out. Come back after specified

time. 5. Prevention. Find the pin and don’t pull it!!

Grenade – Sniper – Think They Know it AllHigh Aggressive, High People Oriented.

“The Think They Know It All”The ‘think they know it all’ is “THAT GUY” at parties, jack of all trades, master of none. Traits:• Know just enough to sound conversant in topics,

exaggerates, defensive when challenged.Typical Response (Don’t Do)• Challenge them aggressively• Burst their bubble

Your Goal: Give their bad ideas the hook.• Remove them from the act

How???1. Give them a little attention – Backtrack with

Enthusiasm, Acknowledge intent positively. 2. Clarify for specifics – You know, they don’t. 3. Tell it like it is. Kill them with facts. Use “I”

language4. Give them a break. Don’t embarrass them. 5. Break the cycle. Two ways : 1. Gently confront

with truth and 2. Give credit where credit is due.

Maybe – Yes – Nothing People High Passive , High People Oriented.

“Maybe…”The Maybe person can’t make a decision because negative outcomes blind their abilities. Traits:• Indecisive, procrastinatingTypical Response (Don’t Do)• Don’t show irritation!! • Don’t push them into a decision, they will find

more excuses & doubts.

Your Goal: Help them learn to think decisively. • Give them a strategy for decision making and

the motivation to use it!

How???1. Establish and maintain a comfort zone.2. Surface conflicts and clarify options.3. Use a decision making system – Pro/Con list4. Re-assure them and ensure follow through.5. Strengthen the relationship. This builds loyalty.

Maybe – Yes – Nothing People High Passive , High People Oriented.

“The Yes Person”The Yes person can’t say no because of their intrinsic need to get along with others. Traits:• Disorganized, Over committed, OverwhelmedTypical Response (Don’t Do)• Be quick to blame, they will shut down.• Make them feel shame, only perpetuates the

problem.

Your Goal: Get commitments you can count on! • Make it safe for them to be honest.

How???1. Make the communication environment safe &

open for honest committal of tasks. 2. Talk honestly – could be hidden issues 3. Help them learn to plan – keep promises!!4. Ensure commitment – you must follow through

after promise made. (pg. 144)5. Strengthen the relationship. This builds trust

with the yes person. (pg. 145)

No – Whiner – Judge People High Task , High Passive Oriented.

“The No Person”The No person finds negativity in everyone and everything else. Not a fun person to be around. Traits:• Grumpy, Negative, Pessimistic Typical Response (Don’t Do)• Don’t cast blame directly at them. • Do not feel contempt for their lack of energy &

enthusiasm.

Your Goal: Transition to problem solving. • Move from fault finding toward solving the issues

at hand. How???1. Listen for main points and focus on bringing

them to light. 2. Use them as resources – build your own

character by staying positive around No people!3. Give them a little more time on tasks –

Patience!! 4. Polarity response – Depressed client example…5. Acknowledge their GOOD Intent – compliment

them on their high standards of perfection.

No – Whiner – Judge People High Task , High Passive Oriented.

“The Whiner”The Whiner stems from the intent to get it right, but needs someone to close the gaps. Traits:• Uncertain, hopeless, helpless, annoyingTypical Response (Don’t Do)• Don’t agree, disagree, try to solve their problems• NEVER ask them why they are complaining,

unless you want them to start all over…

Your Goal: Form a problem solving alliance• Remove the feelings of helplessness to identify

solutions. How???1. Listen for main points and focus on bringing

them to light. (Same as “No” person)2. Interrupt and pull the specifics out of them. 3. Shift the focus to solutions – “What do you

want”4. Show them the future – set goals & deadlines 5. The Last Straw – Draw the line in the sand.

No – Whiner – Judge People High Task , High Passive Oriented.

“The Judge”The Judge sets high standards that no one can meet, then criticizes shortcomings at attempt. Traits:• Black & white (no gray), perfectionist,

condescendingTypical Response (Don’t Do)• Don’t get defensive, ever. • Make big leaps of logic to battle the Judge.

Your Goal: Get the Judgment dismissed • Show you tried your best without getting

defensive.

How???1. Acknowledge the judgment and move on.

“Thanks for …”2. Return to sender – BACKTRACK to show specifics3. Appeal the sentence – cancel their

generalization4. Go for the Polarity Response – College or Weight

example 5. Give them a glimpse of greatness – 1. State

your positive intent & 2. Be specific about the problem behavior

How do you respond? What happens? The Path to Action is an internal response to stimuli.

The response pattern is consistent among humans, but the outcome/action is always unique to the individual.

Understanding this path can help you slow down the reaction, leading to more productive dialogue.

See &

Hear Tell a Story Feel Act

The Path to action – How we respond.

The Path to Action

This happens internally and blindingly fast.

Stimuli What you tell yourself

How it makes you feel

What I’m going to do

about it

Your Action/Respo

nse

Activity Time!!

Role play – Can you identify the personality type?? How do you fix it?

Your Communication Style Under StressHow do you react when conversations suddenly move from smooth and easygoing to tense or awkward? This 33-question test will explore how you typically respond when you’re in the middle of a stressful situation.

Thank you for your time!

Questions? Comments?