NYMPHO BUNNY DROPSEXT-CAMP SITE NTCAMPING DEN surrounded by Trees and ivy bushes CRAMMED with litter and empty beer containers CUTS TO-SAGGING TENT that looks as if it's been dragged through a mine field CUTS TO-JAMES 28 Sitting in front of the SMALL CAMP FIRE looking up into the night sky. CUTS TO-SPUD 46 Sitting oppisite SHARPENING a small forest axe.

JAMES: what day do you think it is?...

SPUD: i don't know what year it is nevermind what day (croaky laugh).

JAMES: (sighs) we really do have to get out more...

SPUD: (sniggers) we are out...

JAMES: (sighs) you know what i mean...

SPUD: yeah i suppose we do mate...we haven't spoke to Chaz in god knows how long.

JAMES: (smiles) yeah lets go and see Chaz...that's if he hasn't over dosed on his shrooms.

SPUD: don't be stupid. Chaz is immune to them things.

JAMES: (sniggers) let's go for a walk and see if he's at home then dude.

SPUD: (smiles) yeah why not.

JAMES AND SPUD CLIMB TO THEIR FEET LIKE CREAKY OLD MEN.

JUMP CUTS TOEXT-FOREST PATH NTBlue bells surround the foot of the tall oak trees on each side of the path. Rabbits CROSSING the path in the distance. SOUND of animals rustling in the bushes and an owl hooting.

SPUD and JAMES hobo like walk alone the path.

SPUD: what a beautiful night for a walk...

JAMES: yeah...pity we have to go back to that crappy tent...

SPUD: well...lets see if Chaz's home and maybe we can do an all nighter like the good old times.

JAMES: yeah and hopefully he still does his lovely shroom tea...

SPUD: (smiles) yeah of course he does... Unless he has settled down with a nice women...

JAMES: (laughs) i doubt it...I could never imagine him settling down with anyone or anything but his special tea...

SPUD: (laughs) yeah

JAMES: (smiles) come on then...lets's hurry up over then big man...

JAMES AND SPUD WALK FASTER WITH EXCITEMENT.

CUTS TOEXT-END OF PATH NTSPARKLING STREAM with stepping stones passing through the forest. Full moon gleaming down from the pitch black sky. SOUND of owls CHATTERING LOUDLY in the distance from the forest in front.

SPUD AND JAMES STAND DREAMING AT THE SKY.

JAMES: what do you think goes on up there?...

SPUD: up where? on the moon?

JAMES: up in the sky in general...

SPUD: hmmm...

SOUND of a LOUD CLATTER of branches snapping.

CUTS TO- AN EXPLOSION OF BIRDS ABOVE THE TREE TOPS OF THE FOREST IN FRONT.

SOUND of a DEEP VOICE LAUGHER ahead.

CUTS TO-SPUD AND JAMES FOCUS ACROSS THE STREAM INTO THE FOREST ENTRANCE.

JAMES: (smiles) sounds like Chaz's home...

SPUD HOPS ACROSS THE STREAM AND JAMES FOLLOWS.

CUTS TOEXT-FOREST PATH NTMoon light BEAMS THROUGH the still shadowy hanging trees LIGHTING UP the misty path. SOUND of squirrels CHATTERING and insects HUMMING.

SPUD AND JAMES SLOWLY WALK UP THE MISTY PATH.

JAMES: It's quiet...

SPUD: are you sure that was Chaz laughing?...

JAMES: one hundred per cent mate...knowing his luck. A tree fell on him.

SPUD SNIGGERS

SOUND of a RUSTLE in the bushes to the right.

SPUD AND JAMES STOP AND OBSERVE.

CUTS TO- A PERSON COWARDING NAKED IN A BALL. ACROSS THE MIST AND BLUE BELLS.

SPUD: (whispers) that's Chaz...

JAMES: (whispers) are you sure?

SPUD: definately...

SPUD CROUCHES TO THE GROUND AND TUGS JAMES TO FOLLOW.

JAMES: (whispers) what's he doing?

SPUD: (sniggers) he's been at the special tea...

SPUD PATTING AROUND THE MISTY GROUND.

JAMES: (whispers) what you doing?...

SPUD LIFTS A SMALL STILL ANIMAL FROM THE MIST.

JAMES: (cringes) errr what the hell is that?

ECU OF SQUIRREL WITH IT'S EYES DANGLING OUT OF IT'S SOCKETS AND BLOODY GUTS HANGING FROM ITS MOUTH..

CAMERA PANS OUT

CHAZ: (trembling voice) don't hurt me please...

SPUD GRINS AT JAMES.

SPUD: (whispers) grenade.

SPUD LOBS THE SQUIRRAL OVER TO CHAZ.

CAMERA FOLLOWS THE SQUIRRAL. GUTS AND EYES SWINGING IN SLOW MOTION UNTIL IT SLAPS CHAZ ON HIS BARE BACK.

CHAZ JUMPS UP SCREAMING AND RUNS ABOUT IN CIRCLES SLAPPING HIS BACK.

CUTS TO-SPUD AND JAMES RUN THROUGH THE MIST AND CALM HIM DOWN.

CHAZ STOPS PANICING.

CHAZ: (heavy breathing) wow that was one hell of a get away. You lads come just in time...

SPUD: what happened?

CHAZ: we destroyed the enemy base and then they captured me and then they stripped me naked for torture (breather)... but i got away...

SPUD: (smiling) quick we better get you back to base.

JAMES: yeah and get some of that first aid tea down our necks...

CHAZ: good thinkin boys. lets go.

CHAZ LEADS THE WAY ON ALL FOURS THROUGH THE MIST.

SPUD AND JAMES FOLLOW HIM ON FOOT.

JUMP CUTS TOEXT-CHAZ'S LUXURY DEN NTLANTERNS all around ELLUMINATE the Luxury camping den surrounded with neatly trimmed ivy bushes and blue bells.CUTS TO- LARGE TENT with windows CUTS TO- BURNING camp fire with coldrun steaming. SOUND of WIND CHIMES hanging from the surrounding trees.

SOUND of LAUGHER from the tent.

JUMP CUTS TOINT-INSIDE TENT NTChaz,Spud and James sit on stools around the table each with a large mug in front of them.

JAMES: (giggles) how many shrooms are there in this?

CHAZ: (hiccups) alot...

JAMES: where did you pick these shrooms?

CHAZ: i was given these ones from a passer by...

JAMES: passer by?

CHAZ: yeah...lately we have had a couple of lumberjacks and the odd hunter...

JAMES: (thinking) we don't get many visitors on our part of the forest...

CHAZ: i haven't seen them for a couple of days now...

JAMES: hmm sounds strange...(chuckles) you might find them in Spud's imaginary cemetery he keeps telling me about...

SPUD (OS) wowww mannnnn

CUTS TO-SPUDSPUD: (giggles) I'm away with the fairies already.

SPUD STANDS UNSTEADILY.

JAMES: (giggles) wowww Mr Fairy.

SPUD SWAYING SIDE TO SIDE WITH A DREAMY SMILE.

CHAZ: (whispers to James) cool it's worked...

JAMES: (puzzled) what worked?

CHAZ: (smiles) my new ingredients...the shrooms i put in his tea are different to ours...

CHAZ WINKS

JAMES: (sniggers) yeah...how different?

CHAZ: i cooked them with nympho bunny drops...

JAMES: (puzzled) hmmm they make you horny...why would you want to make Spud horny?

CHAZ: (thinking) i honestly don't know...

JAMES: (worried) oh my god dude...what have you put in my tea?

CHAZ: (smiling) don't worry...ours is just the shrooms we normally have.

JAMES: (sighs) thank god... This should be a laugh.

CHAZ AND JAMES TURN TO SPUD.

CUTS TO-SPUD IS NOT THERE AND THE TENT DOOR IS OPEN.

CHAZ: (worried) shit mate... where's he gone?...

JAMES: (giggles) probably gone to impregnate some poor animals...

JAMES AND CHAZ START TO LAUGH.

CHAZ SUDDENLY STANDS AND LOOKS DOWN AT JAMES.

CHAZ: (straight faced) right... lets go and find our horny animal rapist friend.

JUMP CUTS TOEXT-MISTY FOREST PATH NTJames and Chaz walk slowly along the misty path observing all directions.

CHAZ: does Spud even know his way around this side of the woods?...

JAMES: yeah there's that imaginary cemetery he visits when i'm asleep...

CHAZ: cemetary of what?

JAMES: he told me that he's burried animals such as dogs and badgers...

CHAZ: this forest is hugh so it could be any where...when did he mention this?

JAMES: a couple of weeks ago...i think he was just trying to make conversation...

CHAZ: (smiles) more than likely...

JAMES: he said it's on this side of the forest somewhere...it's near an old farm house...

CHAZ SUDDENLY STOPS AND HOLDS JAMES BACK

CHAZ: (concerned) a farm house?

JAMES: yes...

CHAZ: that was not just conversation...that farm house is a place of great mystery and spooky goings on...

JAMES: (huge smile) well what we waiting for. lets drink some tea and check it out.

CHAZ: well it's a couple of miles from here and it's deep in the forest...

JAMES: that's okay. we can drink some tea on the way.

CHAZ: (smiling) great idea...

JAMES: haven't we forgoten about someone?

CHAZ: let's walk and we might bump into him...he's probably wondering about near the farm house...

JAMES: cool okay...

CHAZ OPENS HIS BAG AND PULLS OUT A FLASK.

CHAZ HAS A DRINK AND PASSES THE FLASK TO JAMES

JAMES: when do you think we will start tripping...

CHAZ: (smiles) in about five minutes...

JAMES: (excited) cool...

JAMES HAS A LONG DRINK OF THE TEA.

CHAZ PULLS THE FLASK FROM JAMES.

CHAZ: not so much dude.

JAMES: (frowning) what's wrong...

CHAZ: (smiling) i told you it is strong and you go and take a long swig...

JAMES: (cringes) tastes okay...

CHAZ: (smiles) alrighty then let's go and look for Spud.

CHAZ HAS A LONG DRINK

SCREAN FADES TO BLANK AND CAST