nostalgic musings

8/9/2019 Nostalgic Musings

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Nostalgic Musings

Original in Telugu by

D. Sujatha Devi

Translator

G R K Murty


2/15

Getting down from the train enthusiastically, Usha looks around to

see if anyone has come for her. If not anyone, thinking that certainly,Sangeetam cannot stay away from coming, and looking all around

the station for him, she did not notice Sivannarayana till he enquired

standing by her side, How come, you came alone?

Oh! You have come annayya! Thinking Sangeetam might come, I was

looking for him. Perhaps sensing more displeasure in her tone at

Sangeetams not coming than pleasure at his coming, there appeared

a streak of irritation in his face, but it disappeared as soon as it came.

Taking the box from Ushas hand and inching forward, Sivannarayana

says, Havent brought even the children, why so? Cant afford to

forego school for that many days annayya, can they! Asked children

and him too to apply for leave up to Monday. By Saturday he will

come with the children.

Saying, So, a warning to me that you all would leave on Monday,

Sivannarayana laughed stridently.

That laugh sounding like that of the rocking of shells, appeared

rather unnatural. Usha looked at him critically.


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How is it, you havent come with a bullock cart! As Sivannarayana

hires a rickshaw, Usha, standing by his side, utters in surprise,

What, rickshaw! Saying, still craving for bullock cart ride, come,

get in, Sivannarayana sits in the rickshaw with the top.

She sat silently by his side in the Rickshaw, but her mind was not

silent. Though the forgotten past was rocking her mind silently with

its humming, Usha, as long as the Rickshaw was traversing through

the roads of Eluru, peeped out to see if any known person would be

visible. She intensely examined every face walking behind the

Rickshaw. Felt like asking the Rickshaw to take a turn towards

Sarswati girls school where she had done her schooling and take a

look.

Anticipating that Sangeetam would come with a bullock cart, she

had planned to go around the school; then, washing her feet in the

canal flowing by the side of Anjaneyaswamy temple, pay a visit to

god; then, peep into the house of Pedasubbaraomastaru, and then

go home. As the bullocks would take to the village road, they would

start running their bells making a jingling sound she craved for

that sound. The very realization that she hadnt visited the village for

this long made Usha wonderstruck. Peddammapassed away. Thats

it; she hasnt come to the village again. Eight years have elapsed


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since. She had often wondered as a child, if she could ever live

without peddamma. But Ha, time! Effacing even mighty affections,

it rolls on. In those days, if anyone said, Once married, and with the

arrival of husband and children, will you remember us? she used to

be overwhelmed by a mighty sorrow.

Crossed Eluru. Rickshaw has taken the route to Mahadevapalli.

Traffic has eased on the gravel road. Ushas eyes, mind, and her very

thoughts were fully occupied by her peddamma. In her childhood,

peddamma, while churning buttermilk early morning used to make

her sit by her side and study. As she was reading past with no

mistakes, she used to look at her with tons of affection, eyes dilated.

Particularly, after her marriage, whenever she visited her, she would

see her off by coming up to the temple. While going back, she usedto fondly caress her body, her searching eyes fondly looking at her

whole body again and again, and in those eyes, Usha used to see a

fluttering pain that made her tremble with a feeling that is beyond

description. Even to date, peddamma means those eyes, those

fond glances for a minute, her mind would go numb. Although her

mother passed away when she was a child, peddamma brought her

up without letting her ever feel the absence of her mother.


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As long as peddamma was alive, Usha never told anyone that her

mother was no more. Perhaps, it might have been out of her love for

her sister, or her luck! She had two sons. They too looked after her

well. Of course, its needless to say about Pedananna. But at her

wedding, when peddamma gave her gold jewelry weighing 100

grams, their faces turned pale. That aside, two years prior to her

death, when peddamma transferred five acres that she got from her

parents as stridhan to her, even pedananna objected to it. But since

then till date, he had been sending the income from the land on the

dot along with accounts. After so many years, a necessity has now

come to sell that property. Having written about it in a few disjointed

words, she boarded the train. But in her heart of hearts, she was

worried how her sisters-in-law would talk, whether brothers would

be affectionate, or not. Felt alright about annayya coming to the

station. But she was a little disappointed at Sangeetams not

coming. Sangeetam might have got married. Sometime back,

pedananna had said, Got married, and why, he is alright. As

Sivannarayana said something, Usha, stopping her thinking, turned

to him. As they are talking about their share of pains and pleasures in

life, the rickshaw had come to the village.


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As she got down from the rickshaw, her sister-in-law put her hand

affectionately around her shoulder. Although, there was not much

intimacy and friendship between her and her elder sister-in-law,

those smeared pyols, turmeric dabbed thresholds, paddy ear heads

hanged to the eaves for sparrows, have all dugout the past, bringing

forth old memories; the fact that peddamma, who left this world

sometime back, had not made her presence felt yet and the new

realization that she would never appear at all all these thoughts,

like a flood in a fury forced Usha to lean on her shoulder and cry.

Saying, Cha whats thiscome on, lets go inside,

Sivannarayanas wife, Ramana, took her inside, affectionately. After a

while, Chinnanna, Ramchandrudu came. All of them recalled their

childhood deeds.

Its not known whether the thought of her the girl who had grown

in this house not coming home for this long ever struck them or

not; it had certainly disturbed Ushas mind repeatedly. Pedananna sat

by her side for sometime and keeping his hand on her head, shed

tears. Despite the presence of so many people, Usha wondered now

and then why Sangeetham was not visible. Finally, she asked about

him. Why the hell are you ignoring all the inmates of the house, and

repeatedly asking about that arrogant fellow? said Sivannarayana


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irritatingly. That fellow has gone long back said Ramu. Gone

means Usha could not understand, what it meant. He is no more

that Sangeetham, who ate our leftovers he became a big leader,

said Ramu tauntingly. She then kept quiet without making further

enquiries. However, she could not but wonder how Sangeetham

could be an arrogant fellow.

Usha could sense the displeasure of the

whole house about her selling the farm. The

house, brothers, growing children, the

estimate of the income somehow she

could not see that pomp which she saw in

her childhood. Thinking all that, Usha went

into the room in which a bed was laid for her and reclined herself onit. She again remembered Sangeetham. He might have counter-

questioned. Therefore, she felt, he might have been kicked out.

Never knew why, but whenever peddamma comes to memory,

Sangeetham too walks into her memory. He used to attend to her

needs with more affection than the respect that an ordinary annual

laborer might have exhibited towards the Master. Whenever she

remembers the incident that made his existence alive in her memory,

her heart quails even today. Her mind, tired from the journey and
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longing for sleep, suddenly became active. It went back to ten years.

In those days, life was full of colorful dolls, flower bouquets and

singing birds.

Pebbles in the river water of ankle depth and peddammas love and

affection. For all these things, Sangeetham was the background

music. Usha was then twelve years old, like a doll she used to roam

around and play. The buddy of peddamma, means darling for the

whole village. Sangeetham who was older by four years to Usha, was

working as an annual labor in their home, ever since the age Usha

could remember. For him, Usha meant everything. If Usha adorned

herself with good clothes, vermillion and collyrium dabbed eyes, he

would look at her as though he was staring at the idol of a goddess. If

a thorn pricked her foot, he used to flutter as though a speck of dusthad fallen in his eye. She appeared so tender to him that if she

laughs, he thought that her body might blush and if she walks she

might wither away. Taking undue advantage of his sensitivity, she

used to tease him a lot. She used to make wild demands on him: Ask

him to fetch her water lilies from the middle of the tank; tamarind

fruits hanging from the tender branches high above in the sky.

Insisted that he carry water without holding kavadi with hands; drive

the bullock cart without holding reins in the hand. Once, when


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Sangeetam was suffering from stomach ache, Peddamma gave him

mint flower to swallow. As he was about to swallow it, she

suggested that he chew it for it would relieve him from the pain

quickly. Heeding to her advice, he did chew it. As he started crying

and jumping due to the burning sensation in his mouth, she laughed

at him, clapping mischievously. He too joined her with a laugh.

Peddamma, of course, scolded Usha. When Peddamma questioned

how she could laugh while he was crying in pain, those words did

prick her mind like a thorn.

One day, she sat on the cradle applying henna to her palm. Sitting

there, leaning against the post, Sangeetham implored her to tell a

story. Saying in bits and pieces Usha lures him. A boy came, and

saying post master had instructed him to give it, threw a cardtowards Usha and disappeared. Usha asked him to put it in the

niche in the wall. No sooner he had seen it than his face lit like a

thousand watt bulb. Those small and big letters, erasings,

corrections, was what the card was made of. He knew that the

message it has brought was from his mother. Ammayagaru,

Ammayagaru please read and tell me, it has come from my

mother, he implored.


10/15

Oh great you say it is from your amma,why me then to read it?

quipped Usha. Questioning, How do you know it is your mothers

letter, she teased him.

Saying, I know it, it has come from my village, he looked at the

letter fondly turning it this way and that. But she could not sense the

nip in his tone.

With henna on my hands, how am I to now, shall read it after

washing my hands, said Usha mischievously. Holding the card close

to Ushas face, Sangeetham said, I shall hold it like this, please read

for me. Meanwhile, as Kamala of the opposite house came calling

Usha and ran away, Usha, without caring for Sangeethams imploring

looks or his pleadings even, she at once jumped and ran out.

Sangeethams eyes welled up as he looked at the card in the hand

turning it this side and that. Hoping to get it read by Peddammagaru,

he peeped inside the house. Working till then, she had just reclined.

He sat there holding ammas letter in his hand. He could see all those

letters. They appeared to be the muggulu that peddamma drew in

the front yard, like the circles on Ushas skirt, like the horns of the ox,

like the share of the plough they appeared in so many ways. But he

could not decipher what his mother said. He felt sorrow at his plight.

In the meanwhile, the Master came in hurriedly. Sangeetham felt as


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though life revisited him. As he was about to open his mouth, his

Master commanded him, Orey! Quick, go and fetch Venkai, hurry,

run. Emey! Get up, long-horned buffalo is about to deliver he

hurried up his wife. Sangeetham could not open his mouth. Throwing

the card into the niche in the wall, he ran out. It was late night by the

time the buffalo delivered and all that is associated with it was well

taken care of. Sangeetham was doing everything ordered by them,

yet his mind remained squarely glued to the card his mother had

written.

As he entered the house, he started searching for the card. It was not

there. Holding back his tears, he said, Ammagaru, its the card my

mother wrote I kept it there. Oh! That, Usha might have taken ...

shall ask her have your food, come!

Not feeling hungry, search and give the card amma, said he. He sat

there holding his breath till she came out of the room.

Could not locate where she kept it, she is sleeping shall give it

tomorrow, saying, she went inside.

Sangeetham could not hold back his sorrow. Nor was there anyone

who cared for his crying. Went inside the cattle shed and lay down

curling into himself. He felt no difference between himself and the


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cattle around him. He could not sleep that night. It was dawn.

Attending to his work, he kept an anxious watch for Usha to get up.

She got up. He uttered, ammaigaru, letter.

Letter? Gave it to brother in the night. Hasnt he given you? said

Usha.

Dont tease me amma, he said crying.

Staring at his face she felt sorry for him.

True by the time I returned you werent around. Peddamma said I

should not go into the cattle shed. So, I gave it to brother said

Usha consolingly.

Enquiring the whereabouts of Peddabbaigaru, he started searching

for him. At dawn, he had gone to Eluru for fertilizers. Indeed,

Sangeetham had seen him go out. But how is Sangeetham to know

that his mothers letter is in his pocket?

This time round Sangeetham didnt cry. He knew if Peddabbai goes to

town, he will return only by midnight after watching two or three

movies. Searching everywhere in the house, Usha concluded that the

letter is in her brothers shirt pocket.


13/15

Peddabbai didnt return that day. But by the next morning, news

came that Sangeethams mother had passed away. The man who

came with the news said, Didnt send him even when we wrote

about his mothers imminent death what kind of people are you?

Sangeetham stood with his face drooping. Usha was however, about

to cry. If only she had read the letter yesterday, he would have had

the last sight of his mother. Going nearer to him, she laid her hand on

his shoulder. He at once cried in waves. Suddenly it dawned on him

that his mother is no more and she will never come back. Putting his

hand on Ushas hand that was on his shoulder and placing his head

on her shoulder, he cried inconsolably. Everyone around were shell

shocked by this unexpected event. Just then Sivannarayana came.

Saying How dare you, pulling Sangeetham by his hair, he spanked

him left and right. He kicked him out saying, Get out you bastard.

Wiping his tears and blood, Sangeetham went away.

Later, as she grew, even if he came before her, she avoided him. She

felt, it would be nice if Sangeetham could make it to her marriage.

But he didnt. She had, of course, seen him when Peddamma died.

The heat of her reminisces made the past pretty hot. Cooling them

off with tears, she could, after long, fall asleep.


14/15

With the conversations she had with her brother for the last two

days, Usha had decided to leave that land for them and to take

whatever money they might give whenever. After that decision, Usha

had peace. They are the progeny of peddamma. Happily, she

considered them as her brothers. By Saturday evening, her husband

Shankar came to the village with the two children. The brothers-in-

law treated him affectionately. Herpedananna, his eyes welling up,

said, "If yourpeddamma had been alive, seeing you both and children

like this, she would have felt very happy.

Usha, saying she was going for a stroll, started with her husband.

They could locate Sangeetams house in the hamlet without much

difficulty. It is a shed covered with grass. Right before it, is a neem

tree. Just then, Sangeetam came out of the house and stared atthem in wonder.

Sangeetam could not utter a word. He felt choked could not even

say please come in. Eyes were filled with wonder, pleasure and

disbelief.

Asking him affectionately, Are you alright? Usha, telling her

husband, please sit, sat on the cot.


15/15

After a while, Sangeetam could regain his composure. He was

cultivating two acres of land on lease. Got married. And has a girl

child.

He called, Papa. Along with papa his wife came out and saluted

Usha.

Drawing papa affectionately to her, Usha asked, Whats your

name? Papa said: My name is Usha.

***

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