nine habits of happiness, by david leonhardt (excerpt)

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An excerpt from the full 224 page ebook, Nine Habits of Happiness by David Leonhardt. A step-by-step guide to help you develop your own personal plan for happiness.

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Page 1: Nine Habits of Happiness, by David Leonhardt (Excerpt)
Page 2: Nine Habits of Happiness, by David Leonhardt (Excerpt)

NOTE: This is an excerpt only. A PDF format ebook version of the full 224 page work can be purchased at http://www.inkstonedigital.com/index.php?crn=180&rn=502&action=show_detail The ebook edition is published by Transgressor and adapted from the original printed version published by Inkstone Press Copyright©2007DavidLeonhardtNopartofthisbookmaybereproducedortransmittedinanyformorbyanymeans,graphic,electronic,ormechanical,includingphotocopying,recording,tapingorbyanyinformationstorageorretrievalsystem,withoutthepermissioninwritingfromthepublisher.www.TheHappyGuy.comwww.inkstone‐press.com

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ContentsPrologueIntroductionPARTI:UnderstandinghappinessChapter1:TheWallandyourStairwayChapter2:TheMerchantsofMiseryChapter3:MakinghappinessahabitPARTII:HappywithyourselfHABIT#1:ThrowaparadeinyourhonorChapter4:ScrapingthebugoffthewindshieldChapter5:Yourcheeringsquad(Yay!)HABIT#2:DistinguishyourselfChapter6:Whopaintsyourportrait?Chapter7:ShinelikeadiamondHABIT#3:CountyourblessingsChapter8:GreatexpectationsChapter9:HappyThanksgivingHABIT#4:Learn,thenburnChapter10:Whoyougonnablame?Chapter11:TakeyourhandoffthehotstoveChapter12:Don’tlookbackHABIT#5:CarpediemChapter13:HidinginthecasketChapter14:DowhatyouwanttodoBREAK:SeventhhabitstretchHABITS#6and#7:Slowitdown,pumpitupChapter15:StressedorrestPARTIII:HappywithothersHABIT#8:ChooseYouBetpeopleChapter16:ThecompanyyoukeepHABIT#9:SpreadthejoyChapter17:PutonahappyfaceChapter18:RealvirtualityCONCLUSION:EnjoyinghappinessChapter19:Theviewfromthetopstep

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AcknowledgementsAbigthankyoutomyreviewpanelwhokeptmeontherighttrack:MichaelGreene,OSP,ChantalLeonhardt,JoelLeonhardt,AaronLeonhardt,Eve‐MarieBruneau,andKarenHegman.IamalsogratefultotheresearchstaffattheTorontoReferenceLibrary,whohelpedmeaccessthemanyscientificandothersourcesonwhichthisbookisbased.ThankyoualsotoTheresaDannaforherinvaluableproofreading.Aspecialthankstomywife,Chantal,whoconvincedmetousemyownillustrationsinthiswork,inadditiontoallthehelpshegavemeonthemanuscript.Finally,awidespreadthankstothemanyToastmasterswhosespeechesinspiredelementsandanecdotesofthisbook.

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PrologueAclumsysheepandasillyoldgoatfellintoanabandonedwell.HernamewasSarahSheepandhiswasBrayGoat,andbrayhediduntiloldFarmerBrowncame.SarahSheepandBrayGoatwerethrilled.Theiroldpalwouldsavethem.Butthepooroldfarmersawthingsdifferently.Theclumsysheepandthesillyoldgoatweregettinglonginthetoothandwerequiteuselessaroundthefarm.Andthewell,whichmusthavebeenamiledeep,hadn’tbeenusedinyears.Besides,oldFarmerBrownhadnoideahowtopullanimalsfromawell.

SarahSheepbahhedasloudlyasshecould.BrayGoatkeptbraying,nightandday,untiltheoldfarmercouldtakeitnolonger.Sohestartedfillinguptheabandonedwellwithstones.Whenthestonesburytheanimals,hereasoned,thebahhingandbrayingwillstop.Atfirst,thesheepandthegoatcouldnotbelievetheireyes.Stonespeltedtheirbacks.Stoneshittheirheads.Stonespileduparoundtheirfeet.SarahSheepfroze.BrayGoatpanicked.Theywouldsurelysuffocateunderthegrowingpileofstones.Atthatverymoment,thesmallroundpatchofskyabovewasHeaven.AndthatgaveSarahSheepanidea.JoinSarahSheepand—

BrayGoatastheybuildtheirveryownStairwaytoHeaven,andlearnthesecretstheyusetogetthere.

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Introduction

Therearetwopathsyoucangoby,butinthelongrun

There’sstilltimetochangetheroadyou’reon.

—LedZeppelin,from“StairwaytoHeaven”

Generationsofexplorerssearchedforit.Philosopherstriedtodefineit.Scientistspooh‐poohedit.Ordinaryfolkjustwanttoknowhowtogetthere.

Heaven.Thesecrettohappiness.

Ihavesomegoodnewsforyouandsomebadnews.Thebadnewsisthatthereisnosecrettohappiness.Thereisnopassword,nosecrethandshake,nomagicpotion.Thereisnosageelderperchedatopamountainwaitingjustforyoutofindhimandask,“Master,whatisthesecrettohappiness?”

Thegoodnewsisthatitdoesn’tmatter—youcanfindhappinessonyourown.Actually,youcanmakehappiness.YoucanbuildandclimbyourveryownStairwaytoHeavenrighthereonearth,andthisbookwillhelpyou.

Doestheideaofheavenonearthmeanthereisnoafterlife?No.Ibelieveanafterlifeexists.Butwecandiscussthatlater...likewhenIgetthere.Idon’tproposebuildingastairwaytothatheaven.

Ifyouwanttoliveinheaven,whywaituntilyoudie?PoetElizabethBrowningsaid,“Earth’scrammedwithheaven.”NolessanauthoritythanthePopehimselfsaysthatHeaven“isneitheranabstractionnoraphysicalplaceintheclouds.”Thisbookisnotaboutreligion,buttheninehabitsinthisbookcanhelpyoucreateaheavenonearth.AndtheymayevenhelpyoufindHeaveninyourafterlife,too.

Heavenonearthisnotabsolutehappiness.IfIpromiseyouthat,Iwouldbealiar.Heavenonearthismaximumhappiness,themosthappinessyoucanreach,andthatIcanpromiseyou.Infact,Ido.Butyouhavetomakeithappen.

Noteverybodygetsthere.Youcanbeoneoftheselectfewwhodo.Youcanbuildyourownunique,customStairwaytoHeaven.Ifyouarereadingthisbook,youclearlywantto.Congratulations,youmadeanimportantdecision.InthewordsoftrackathleteJimRyun,“Motivationiswhatgetsyoustarted.Habitiswhatkeepsyougoing.”That’swhatSarahSheepandBrayGoatfindout.Now,ifyouhavetoask,“WhoareSarahSheepandBrayGoat?”youdidnotreadtheprologue.Isuggestyoureadit,becauseyoumightfindpartsofthisbookconfusingifyoudon’t.

YoumayrightlywanttoknowifIfoundmaximumhappiness.Theansweris:“Notyet,butIamcloserthanever—andthehabitsinthisbookarebringingmeclosereveryday.”Yes,theydowork;Icantestifytothat.

AsIdraftthisintroduction,Irecallaconversationfromjustyesterday.Mysister‐in‐lawwasyearningtoreturntoherhighschoolyears.Thosewerethegoodolddays

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sherememberedsofondly.Mybrotherofferedadifferentperspective.“I’mhappierthanI’veeverbeen,”hesaid.“Eachyear,Ikeepgettinghappier.”Uponreflection,weallagreed.

AndI’mhappiersinceIbeganapplyingtheninehabitsofmaximumhappiness.Togivecreditwherecreditisdue,mywife,Chantal,andIreadaboutfivehabitsofveryhappypeopleinamagazineclippingafewyearsago.Themessagesrangsotrueforusthatwestartedapplyingallfive.Overthecourseoftwoyears,wediscoveredfourmorehabits.Sonowtherearenine.Andwearemuchhappierbecauseweareapplyingallnine.

Whyhaven’tweachievedmaximumhappinessyet?Thesimpleansweristhathabitsdon’tchangeovernight.AsIsaidearlier,thereisnosecretpasswordormagicformula.Happinesstakeseffort.Butthepaybackisbetterthanwinningthelottery.

Unlikemanyotherbooksonhappiness,NineHabitsofHappinessgivesyoujustninesimplehabitstoadopt.Not102tedioussteps.Not36majorlifechanges.Justninesimplehabitstomakehappinessmoreaccessibletoyou.Mostimportantly,thisbookwillhelpyouunderstandhowtocontrolyourownlevelofhappiness.YoumightwonderwhyIwouldsharethispreciousinformationwithyou.AndIwouldlovetotellyou.Infact,Iwill.Butthatispartofalaterchapter.

SoIinviteyoutojoinmeandstartbuildingyourownstairwaytoheavenwiththeninehabitsofhappiness.

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PARTIUnderstandingHappiness

TheWallandYourStairway

Blameyourselfifyouhavenobranchesorleaves;

don’taccusethesunofpartiality.

—ChineseProverb

Youexist.That’sallyoureallyknowforsure.Ifyoueverheardtalesofconcentrationcampsurvivors,youknowwhatImean.Whenstrippedtothebones,wehavenothingbutourselves.PsychologistViktorFrankldescribesthedesolationofaconcentrationcamp:“Wereallyhadnothingnowexceptourbarebodies–evenminushair;allwepossessed,literally,wasournakedexistence.”Heretainedonlyhisglassesandhisbelt.Thebelthetradedforapieceofbread.

Imagineowningnoshoes,nosocks,noshirt,nounderwear.Youhavejustyourself.

Youhaveyourself...butisyourselfhappy?Mostpeopletodayappearsatisfiedwiththeirlives.Surprisingly,evenViktorFrankelwas.Maybeyouareoneofthehappypeople.Ina1998Galluppoll,91percentofAmericanssaidtheyaresatisfiedwiththeirfamilylife,86percentwiththeirhousingandtheirhealth,85percentwiththeirtransportation,and84percentwiththeiropportunitiestosucceed.Yay!

Howyouanswerdependslargelyonyourvisionofhappiness.

Everybodywantshappiness,butfewpeopleseemsureofwhatitis.

Whatyougetoutofthisbookdependsonhowyoudefinehappiness.Happinessresearcher(honest,thereissuchathing)EdDiener,Ph.D.,oftheUniversityofIllinois,liststhreeconceptsofhappiness.

1. Virtueorholiness:ThisisthehappinessoftheGreekstoics.

Youarehappyifyoupossessdesirablequalities.Aristotlecalledthis“eudaimonia”ortheidealstateofbeing.

2. Lifesatisfaction:Thisisthepositiveevaluationofyourlife.Ifyoufeelsatisfiedwithyourlife,youarehappy.Youarecontent.Yourelaxinthegreenpastures.

3. Pleasantemotionalexperience:Thisishowyoufeelatthemoment–joy,fun,elation.Youexperiencepleasure.Youfeelgood.

Let’snotquibbleoverdefinitions.Twostatuesstoodinthecityparkforaslongasanyonecouldremember.OnewasDavid,theotherwasVenus.Oneman,onewoman,bothnaked.Oneday,thefairygodmotherofstatuesappeared,wavedher

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wand,andpoof!—thestatuescametolife.“Youhaveonehourbeforeyoureturntostone,onehourtodowhatyou’vealwayswantedtodo,”sheofferedwithawink.

Thestatuesjumpedforjoyandscurriedoffintothepark.Frombehindabush,thefairygodmotherheardsoundsofgleeandphysicalexertion.“Oh,yes!Thatwaswonderful,”theVenusstatuecried.“More,more,Iwantmore.”

“Justaminute,”snappedtheDavidstatue.“It’smyturntomessupapigeon.”

Thecolorsofhappinessaredifferentforeachofus,buttheyusuallyincludealloftheabove(thethreeconcepts,thatis,notattacksonwildlife)—whatDavidMyers,Ph.D.,anotherhappinessresearcher,calls“anenduringsenseofpositivewellbeing.”

WelcomeStonemasonYou

Lifeishell.Therearefewmomentsofhappiness.

Ifeelthatwhenoneexperiencesoneofthem

itisrighttoenjoyit.Cheers,everybody.

‐‐EnglishplaywrightHaroldPintorinatoastathisstepson’swedding

Facedwithadversity,somepeoplerecitethisprayer:“God,grantmetheserenitytoacceptthethingsIcannotchange,thecouragetochangethethingsIcan,andthewisdomtoknowthedifference.”Thischapterhelpsusdevelopthatwisdom.Afterall,whytrytochangewhatisalreadyetchedinstone?Wegainhappinessbyimprovingthosethingswecanchange.

TheGreatWallofMiserysurroundsus,abarricadebetweenusandtheGreenPasturesofCloudNine.YoumightevenhavebumpedintotheWallonceortwice.Oof!ButifwecouldstandatoptheWall,wewouldreachheavenonearth.That’swhereyourStairwaytoHeavenhelps.ItleadsyouovertheWall.Youareboththeclimberandthestonemason.Thisisaself‐help,do‐it‐yourselftypebook,youknow.

Inthechaptersahead,we’llassemblethetoolsyou’llneed—theninehabitsofmaximumhappiness.ThesetoolswillhelpyoumovestonesfromtheGreatWallofMiserytoyourStairwaytoHeaven—tolowertheWallasyoubuildupyourStairway.ThemetaphoroftheWallandyourStairwayhelpsusunderstandhowvariouselementsoflifeinfluenceourhappiness,howwecaninfuseourlifewithjoy,andhowwecanavoidunnecessarymisery.

Putonyourexplorer’scap.It’stimetoinspecttheWall.TheWallistall.Ittowersaboveus.Oncloserinspection,noticethefourdistinctlayers,eachonebuiltfromstonesofadifferentsize:

Layer1:Foundationstonessobigtheyresembleplanets

Layer2:Habitatstonesheavyenoughtogiveastrongmanahernia

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Layer3:Barelyliftabledewstones

Layer4:Pocket‐sizedmultiple‐choicestonesLet’sstartclimbingyourStairwaytotakeasneakpeekatthesefourlayers.

Layer1:FoundationStones

Therearenorules.Justfollowyourheart.

—comedianRobinWilliams

BoththeGreatWallofMiseryandyourStairwaytoHeavenarebuiltonarowofmightyfoundationstones.Eachstoneweighsseveraltonsandisaspermanentastheterrafirmaonwhichitrests.

Foundationstonesareyourgenes,yourchildhood,yourpastexperiences—everythingthatiscomplete,finished,unchangeable.Thesestonesreallycannotbemoved.Theyarepartofyouandyourpast.Nowifonlyyouhadatimemachine...Youmightwishtomoveorimprovesomeoftheunhappyfoundationstones.Youmightwanttoblowsometosmithereens.WhenBenStevensonbecameartisticdirectoroftheHoustonBallet,hesaid,“Iwantedtobuildthecompanyfromthebottomup.”Youmightfeelthatwayaboutyourlife.Butifyou’reoldenoughtoreadthisbook(youare,right?),it’salreadytoolate.Youcanrebuild,butnotfromthebottom.

TheWall’sveryfirststonesareyourgenes.Youinheritedthem.Yourparentsmightspendtherestofyourinheritance,butyourgenesareyoursforkeeps.Since1924,the“natureversusnurture”debatehasraged:arewemoretheproductsofnature(ourgenes)ornurture(ourenvironment)?

Question:Howmuchofyourhappinessdoyoucontrol?

Answer:Today,mostresearcherssaythatgenesdetermine

abouthalfofourcharacter.Thatleavestheotherhalfinyourhands.Greatnews!TheunmovablefoundationstonesformonlyhalfoftheGreatWallofMisery.

Moregreatnews.Unlikeothermammals,whosebrainsare98percentdevelopedatbirth,oursarejust38percentdeveloped.Thatleaves62percentforustomold.Nowthat’sempowerment!Otherfoundationstonesformedwhenyouwereyoung.UniversityofKentuckyresearchersputseventypesofchildhoodtraumatothetest:deathofaparentorsibling,unhappilymarriedparents,familybreakup,alcoholordrugaddictioninthehome,emotionalproblems,childabuseorneglect,andseriousillness.Doanyofthesesoundfamiliar?Theyfoundthateveryone,exceptillness,dampensanadult’shappiness.Peoplewhosufferedmorethanonechildhoodtraumaareevenlesshappyandearnlowerincomeasadults.TheseareLayer1foundationstonesintheWall—theycan’tbemoved.

Justassomechildhoodexperiencesmighthavescrapedyouwithtrauma,some

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bathedyouwithwarmth,love,security.ThosearethefoundationstonesofyourStairway.

WhydoIhighlightthenatureversusnurturedebate?Soyoudon’twasteprecioustimestrugglingtochangethosethingsyoucannot.Thisbookfocusesonwhatyoucanchange.Solet’sleavetheLayer1foundationstonesalone.

Layer2:HabitatStones

Ihavethegoodfortunetohavehadapainproblem,

whichhasgivenmemoreinsightintomypatients.

—Dr.PaulKelly,painspecialist

SetatoptheimmensefoundationstonesaretheLayer2habitatstones:ourenvironment,oursurroundings,oursituation.Someofthesewechoose,somewedonot.Forinstance,ifyouarebornintotheslumsofBangladesh,yourhabitatstonesmightbetoughtomove.

MostAmericanschoosetheirhabitatstones,whethertheyknowitornot.Ifyouhavethemeanstoreadthisbook,youcontrolmostofyourhabitatstones.Youmightrelocateyourcareertoearthquake‐proneSanFranciscoorcultivateyourhometownIowaroots.YoumaystudylanguagesthatcouldopenthedoortoalifeabroadorfocusonbondingwithyourMissourifamily.

Mymothermadeatoughchoicewhenshewasjust17.ThedaughterofaprominentBudapestdentist,shewasaneasytargetfortheinvadingRussians.WhentheCommunistsstormedintoHungary,shesneakedoutontheundergroundrailroad.Waytogo,Mom!(Pleaseforgivemyexcitement.Ifshehadnotmovedherhabitatstones,Iwouldneverhavebeenborn.)

OnepersonrelocatesfromChicagotoAlaskatoescapetheratrace.AnothermovesfromAlaskatoChicagotofeelconnected.Wheredoyouwanttogo?AsNapoleonBonapartesaid,“Circumstances—whatcircumstances?Imakecircumstances.”

Youcan’tavoidsomesituations:thelossofachild,aspouse,alimb.Monthsafterhiswifedied,ThomasJeffersontoldafriendthathehademergedfroma“stuporofmind”whichhadrenderedhim“asdeadtotheworldasshewaswhoselossoccasionedit.”OtherLayer2habitatstonesyoutreasure:theforestbehindyourhouse,yourfulfillingcareeroracaring,lovingfamily.ThesearethehabitatstonesofyourStairwaytoHeaven.

AlthoughsomeLayer2habitatstonesaremoveable,ittakesmuchmorethanabooktoguideyouthroughthatprocess.Let’sleavethehabitatstonesalone...fornow.

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Youmightwanttorevisitthemonceyou’vemasteredthehabitsinthisbook.

Layer3:DewStones

Whenonedoorofhappinesscloses,anotheropens;

butoftenwelooksolongatthecloseddoor

thatwedonotseetheonewhichhasbeenopenedforus.

—HelenKeller

Likemorningdewonthegrass,youfeeltheLayer3dewstones.Somemightevendampenyourspirit,buttheydon’tlast.Theyaretheeventsthatpassthroughyourdays.Somedewstonescanbemoved.Youchoosenottotripoversomethingtomorrowbypickingituptoday.Youchoosenottodevelopfoodpoisoningbyhandlingrawchickenwithcare.Youchoosetoenjoythisbook(Ihope)byreadingit.Somedewstonescannotbemoved.BeckyFarrarwasatalossforwords.Whatdoyousaywhenapumpkincrashesthroughyourroofandsmashesyourkitchentabletobits?ItseemstwoIllinoisskydiverswereplayingafriendlylittlegameofpass‐the‐big‐orange‐thing‐aroundwhen“Oops!”Goodthingnobodywassittingatthetablejustthen.

Inalessfortunateincident,KimberlyPetrellawillneverforgetthelookofhorroronthesubwaydriver’sface.Amanhadjustjumpedinfrontofthetrainandsmashedintoit...notonce,buttwice.Thatsamemanseemedsosereneonthebusjustminutesearlier.Shewishedshehadnotwitnessedthatevent.Butthechoicewasnotherstomake.

AlthoughintheGreatWallofMiserytheydistressyou,inyourStairwaytoHeaventhedewstonesarejoyouseventslikethereally,reallybighugyourdaughtergivesyoufornoparticularreason.Ortheflowersyourspousesendsyouforyourbirthday.Eventstendtolosetheirimpactonhappinessinlessthanthreemonths,andmostmajoreventsnolongeraffecthappinessaftersixmonths.ThebestwaytodealwiththedewstonesistoembracethoseinyourStairwaywhiletheylastandjustignorethoseinyourWalluntiltheyfadeaway.Choosetobehappy,stepoverLayer3oftheWall,andfocusonLayer4,wheretheninehabitsofmaximumhappinesscomeintoplay.

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Layer4:Multi‐choiceStones

Onesimplestoneplacedonanother

istheworkthatbuildsacathedral!

—GoodNewsNetworkcoordinatorGeraldineWeis‐Corbley

HighupontheWallsitthemultiple‐choicestones—sohightheyseemoutofreach.TheysitontheWall,butnotontheStairway.TheonlywaytoclimbyourStairway,toscaletheWall,toreachtheGreenPasturesofCloudNineistomovethoseLayer4multiple‐choicestonesfromtheWalltoyourStairway.And,youguessedit—themultiple‐choicestonestestyoudaily.Theyarehundreds,maybethousands,ofchoicesyoumakeeachday.Thosechoicesareyourreactions.

Ourreactionsdeliverasimpleverdict:happyorunhappy.An87‐year‐oldjazzsaxophoneplayerinNewOrleansenduredastroke.Didhemoanaboutit?No.Herejoicedthat,nolongerabletoplaythesaxophone,hewouldfinallysingwithhisband.HemovedhisstonesandloweredtheGreatWallofMisery.

Question:You’reenjoyingarelaxinghoneymoononaFloridabeachwhenapelicanfliesintoyou.Howdoyoureact?

1:.Shakeyourfistandshout,“Watchwhereyou’reflying!”

2:..Pulloutasemi‐automaticrifleandstartanewtrend:pelicanrage.

3:..ReporttheincidenttotheFAAanddemandpelicanregulations.

4:..Figurethisisonetalenoneofyourfriendswillevertop.

Answer:Optionfouristhehappychoice.Besides,haveyoueverseenhowapelicanflies?Bettertofindapositivewaytoreact.That’showtomovetheLayer4multiple‐choicestonesofftheWall.

Painisinevitable;sufferingisnot.Painhappenstous,butwechoosewhetherwesufferfromit.Foryears,thecoverofmyrésumébeganwithaquotefromAldousHuxley:“Experienceisnotwhathappenstoaman.Itiswhathedoeswithwhathappenstohim.”Witheveryyear,Ibelievethatmorestrongly.Keepmovingthosestones.That’sjustwhatSarahSheepdoes.RememberintheProloguehowSarahSheepandBrayGoatwerepeltedwithstonesandhowthestonesarepilinguparoundthem.Theycouldbeburiedaliveinthatoldwell.ButSarahSheepisclumsy,notstupid.Sheshakesthestonesoffherback,liftsonefootatatime,andstepsupontothepileatherfeet.BrayGoatfollowsherexample,movesthestones,andstandsontopofthem.Intheirownuniqueway,thesheepandthegoatbuildtheirStairwaytoHeaven.

Howdoyoumovethemultiple‐choicestones?Bychoosingtobehappy.That’sthefirststep.Remember,theyaremultiple‐choicestones.Whentheworlddealsyourcards,youcanchoosetobehappy.Youcanalsochoosetobesad.Orangry.Orfrustrated.It’syourchoice.AsBritishnovelistPhyllisBottomesaid,“Therearetwowaysofmeetingdifficulties.Youalterthedifficultiesoryoualteryourselftomeetthem.”

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Remember,eveniftheWallseemstotoweraboveyouandyourStairwaypassesforafootstool,youcanbuildupyourStairwayandlowertheWall.TheCarthaginianGeneralHannibalsackedancientRomewhenheattackeditnotbysea,astheRomansexpected,butbyland.Hanniballedanarmyoftropicalelephantsoverthesnow‐coveredAlpstocrushRome.AsHannibalsaid,“Wewilleitherfindaway,ormakeone.”Talkaboutscalingawall!

ChooseHappiness

Ifyouchoosenottodecide,youstillhavemadeachoice.

—rockbandRushin“FreeWill”

Chantalburstintotheroom.“Thedishwasher’sreallyleakingnow!Notjustacupofwaterthistime,butsuds,soapbubbles.We’dbettercallsomeoneaboutit.”Then,afterabriefpause,“Ontheplusside,itgavemeplentyofwaterandsoaptowashthefloor.”Byherreaction,shemovedherstonesfromtheGreatWallofMiserytoherStairwaytoHeaven.(Ididn’thavethehearttotellherIhadwashedthefloorjustafewhoursearlier.)

Exercise:Thinkabouteverythingthataffectsyourhappiness.Writethemdown.TowhichlayerintheWallorinyourStairwaydoeseachbelong?Whichonesdoyouwanttochange?Whichonescanyouchange?

Somuchhappensaroundus,tous,atus,withus,inus,onus.Whoa!Somanystonestomove.Somanytokeeptrackof.Howcanwecontrolthemall?Howcanweevenkeeptrackofthemall?Theansweristodevelophabits,soreactionsthatinspirehappinessbecomesecondnature.Andwhenhappinesscomesnaturally,wecanenjoyitmorethanwhenweforceit.

Inthechaptersahead,wewilllearntheninehabitsofmaximumhappiness.Butfirst,let’slookatsomeoftheracketeerswhocansabotageoureveryefforttoboostourhappiness.InChapter2,we’llstandfacetofacewiththeMerchantsofMisery(forwecandefeatonlytheenemyweknow).

Ifyoudon’treally,reallywanttobehappy,don’tbotherreadinganyfurther.Hey,thisbookcouldmakeagreatpaperweight.Butifyouaredeterminedtobehappy,readon.

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Chapter2

TheMerchantsofMisery

Ifyoumakeahabitofbuyingthingsyoudonotneed,

youwillsoonbesellingthingsyoudo.

—Filipinoproverb

WhoaretheseMerchantsofMisery?Theyarecraftyrascalswhoconspiretosellusafairytale—thefantasythatwecansneakaroundtheendsoftheWall.Theybeckonus,“WhywastetimeandeffortmovingstoneswhenyoucanjustwalkaroundtheWall?Theendisjustoutofsight.”Butit’sjustaruse.ThereisnoendtotheWall.ThereisjustatreadmilltheMerchantsofMiserysetup—atreadmillturningtoofastformostpeopletojumpoff.TheMerchantsofMiseryworkinmysteriousways.Theydisguisethemselvesasfameandwealthandgoodiesandapproval.Theymasqueradeasstatus.TheyhidebehindtheMaskofSuccess.Say...Successdoesn’tsoundsobad.That’ssomethingeverybodywants,right?

Question:Justwhatdowewant?

Answer:AsurveyofAmericanteensrevealsthattheywanthappinessmorethananything—morethanlife,love,success,andfriendship.Inanothersurvey,Canadianssaidtheybelievetheworldishealthierandmoreintelligentnow,butwithlesshappinessandworsemoralsthanitusedtohave.Isthissuccess?Justhowdowemeasuresuccess?

Typicalmeasuresofsuccessarewealthandpossessions,fameandstatus.Ormorebluntly,goodiesandapproval.Mostpeoplestriveforthesealltheirlives,oftenatgreatcosttothemselves,theirfamilies,andtheirownhappiness.Theirintentionsareoftenwellplaced.Afterall,theseareworthygoals.It’shealthytoseekacomfortablehomeforourfamily,asolideducationforourkids,goodfoodonthetable,andrecognitionforouraccomplishments.Ontheotherhand,it’shealthytoeatcabbage,butdon’teatfiveheadsaday.Howyoumeasuresuccessmakesthedifferencebetweenhappinessandmisery.

Manyself‐helpbooksweartheMaskofSuccess:achieveresults,domoreinlesstime,getrichquick,climbthecorporateladder.Thesuccessbookswon’tmakeyouhappy.Theymighthelpyoubecome“successful,”whateverthatmeans,butnotnecessarilyhappy.Theymightevenconvinceyoutostayonthetreadmill(withtheendoftheWalljustoutofsight)insteadofbuildingyourStairwaytoHeaven.

Somepeoplejumpoffaspeedingtreadmillthatnolongerfulfillsthem.Corporatelawyersbecometeachers.Teachersbecomefinanciers.Financiersbecomeministers.MinistersbecomeWebpagedesigners.(Okay,that’sstretchingitabit.)Havingachievedtheircareergoals,theyabandontheirhard‐earnedmoneyandstatusto

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pursuecareerstheynowfindmorefulfilling.Youmightreadaboutthemfromtimetotime.Youmighteventhink,“Hey,Ishoulddothat.”Butfewofusmustertheinnerstrengthtohopoffthetreadmill.

Inthischapter,we’lltest‐drivevariousmeasuresofsuccess.Whybother,youask?Thisbookgivesyouninehabitstohelpyoubecomehappier,tohelpyoumovestonesfromtheWalltoyourStairway...andtoclimbupontopofthem.ThosehabitswillbealmostasusefulasabicycleinquicksandiftheMerchantsofMiserysendyouscurryingafterthenon‐existentendoftheWall.

ClimbingtheCareerLadder

Therearecareerchoicesandtherearelifechoices.

Thatwasalifechoice.

—actressMichellePfeifferondecidingnottostarinEvita

Themostcommonsymbolofsuccessisanewjoborapromotion.Thecareerladderiswheremostofusreceiveformalrecognition.Afewpeoplewincontests,butalmosteveryonegetshired,andmanypeoplegetpromoted.Unfortunately,manyparentsurgetheirchildrentofollowacareertrackwith“highearningpotential”insteadofsupportingtheminwhattheywishtodo.Bythetimeweareoldenoughtomakedecisions,manyofusbelievethecareerladderistheonlypathtosuccess.

ClimbingthecareerladderisnotthesameasclimbingyourStairwaytoHeaven.In1999,93percentofAmerican,Canadian,andBritishwomensaidtheyareinabetterpositionthantheirgrandmothers’generation.Butwhenaskediftheywerehappierthantheirgrandmothers’generation,only28percentofAmericanssaid,“Yes.”InCanada,33percentagreed,asdid42percentinBritain.Womenstillappeartobehappierthanmen,butAmericansurveysshowthegapisclosingaswomen’semploymentandeducationallevelsapproachthoseofmen.Careerladdersseemtoleadusawayfromhappiness.

StudiesshowthatpeoplewhoordertheirminionsaroundfromthecellphonesintheirBMWsarenohappierthanthosewhosework‐wornhandsflipthroughthetabloidsonthebus.Noraretheynecessarilylesshappy.

Question:WhatdoPrinceCharlesandtheRomanEmperorDiocletianhaveincommon?

Answer:Theybothlove(d)gardening.Diocletianfound

raisingvegetablesmoresatisfyingthanbeingemperor.PrinceCharlessaidhelikesfeelingtheearthbetweenhisfingers.Focusonenjoyingwhatyoudo,notongettingahead.Ifyourelishyourworkandgiveyourbesteffort,youmightgetahead.Oryoumightnot.Eitherway,you’llbehappy,andisn’tthatwhatcounts?

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HowDoYouspell$ucce$$?

Bhutanhasthephilosophyofdevelopmentaimed

atpromotingGrossNationalHappiness,

notjustGrossNationalProduct.

—BhutanMinisters’CouncilChairmanYesheyZimba

Themostobviousbenefitofclimbingthecareerladderisthebooty.Tohearpoliticiansandbusinessleadersspeak,youwouldthinkwestarveformoney.RememberwhenPresidentGeorgeBushtheFirstsaid,“We’reenjoyingsluggishtimesandnotenjoyingthemverymuch.”ButonethingwecansayaboutNorthAmericaisthatwearesplashingaboutinaseaofmoneyandthematerialexcessesitbuys.Sadly,asgrossnationalproductmorethandoubledinthepast50years,grossnationalhappinessactuallydecreased.

Studiesshowthatmeaninginlifeandhappinessareessentialtotheconceptofthegoodlife.Moneymakeslittledifference—despitetheeffortsofpoliticiansstuckonthestandardoflivingtreadmill.MastersalesmanCraigProctorunderstandsthis.Hesellshouses—morethan400eachyear.Withagoldminelikethat,hecanalsosellhissystem.HundredsofrealestateagentsfromacrossNorthAmericaattendhisseminars.Manyofthembuyhiscoachingservice.Hisstudentsbecomeleadersintheirfield.Butit’snotthemoneyorthethingsmoneycanbuythathookthem.It’stheextrafreetimewiththekids,month‐longvacations,relaxingweekends,reclaiminglife.That’swhat’sinitforthem.

HowmanypeopleprayalmostdailytostriketheBigYahoointhelottery?Itdoesn’toccurtothemthatwinningwouldnotmakethemhappy,doesit?DarleneDaleywontheOhioLotteryjackpot.The$2millioncameinhandy,thankyouverymuch,butitturnsoutsheisstillthesamepersonshewasbefore.AstudybytheOntarioLotteryCorporationrevealsthat85percentofwinnersmakenomajorchangeinlifestyle.

Bigbuckswon’tmoveyourstones.Amazing.Thinkaboutallthemoneyspentsellingusavisionofhowourlivescouldimproveifonly,ifonly...Andthinkabouthowmuchwespendonlotterytickets,hopingto“upgrade”ourlifestyles.Wow.

TheLandofSilkandMoneyisnoPromisedLand.Winninghugegobsofcashmightactuallymakeapersonlesshappy.Howcanlife’ssimplepleasureshopetomeasureuptosucheuphoria?Hugewinning.Megaspending.Pricelessluxuries.Anunhappypoorwomancanatleastfantasizeaboutstrikinggold.Butifshewinsthelottery,what’sleftwhentheBigYahoofades?Anunhappywomanwithnomorefantasyofhappiness,that’swhat.

RememberKingMidas?TheGreekGodDionysusgrantedhimthewishofhischoice.“IwishthateverythingItouchturnstogold,”herepliedwithglee(andgreed).Butwhenhetouchedhiswifeanddaughter,theirmotionlessgoldenfigureswereoflittlecomfortto

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him.Whenallhisfoodalsoturnedtogold,Midasfacedstarvation.Becarefulwhatyouaskfor;youmightgetit.

OneSaturdayevening,arichBelAircoupleaskedtheirlive‐inmaidifshewouldbekindenoughtokeepherdooropen.Thecoupleheardthejoyandlaughterfromthemaids,thechauffeur,andtheirfriendseverySaturdaynight,andthecouplewantedtoseeitandexperiencethejoy,too.Itturnsoutthatthesongiswrong:youcan’tbuytheStairwaytoHeaven.

SotakecomfortthatTomHanks($71.5million),MichaelJordan($30millionbeforeendorsements,justforbouncingandthrowingaball),andClaudiaSchiffer($9millionjustforwalkingandwearingmakeup)arenohappierthanyouforalltheirmoney.

TheRootofAllEvil

Iboughtaticketfor$100,

thinkingIwouldbegiving$100tocharity—

nowIcangive$1million.

—HeartandStrokeFoundationlotterywinnerGeraldSwan

Question:Ismoneytherootofallevil?

Answer:NotaccordingtotheBible.Itsays,“Theloveofmoney”istherootofallevil(1Timothy,6:10).

FinancialguruMichaelPhillipscallsmoneyanightmare:“Eightypercentofpeopleinjailaretherebecauseofmoney‐relatedcrimes...robbery,burglary,larceny,forgery,andautotheft.”

ManyAmericansfeargreedhasovertakenrespect,honesty,andcommunityparticipation.Greed,researcherssuggest,isnotthedesireformoney;greedisplacingmoreimportanceonmoneythanonvalues.Americans’fearsmightbejustified.In1975,just38percentofAmericanssaidtheywanttoearn“alotofmoney.”By1994,63percentsaidso.

Wemeasureourwealthagainstever‐swellingexpectations...andcanweeverinflateexpectations!Peoplelivinginghettosandlow‐incomehousingprojectstodayownmoreTVs,VCRs,anddesignerclothesthandidsuburbanitesof50yearsago.Wedon’tfeelsatisfied—nomatterhowmuchweaccumulate.Billionsofdollarsofadvertisingconspiretoconvinceusweneedthelatesttoothpaste,car,snack,cosmetic,orgadgettobehappy.Andwefeelinadequatefornothavingit.Nowisn’tthattheultimateirony?Theadvertisingthattellsushowtobehappyis,infact,a

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majorcauseofunhappiness.

Thehell‐bentpursuitofmoneyandpossessionshasbeendubbed“affluenza.”Everwonderhowsomefamiliesseemsocontentonlessthan$20,000peryear?Broke,butcontent.

Otherfamiliescan’tseemtopaythebillsonmorethan$200,000.Theycomplainaboutthecostofmilkandgasoline.Theycomplainabouthightaxes.Andtheyactuallysoundpoor,despitetheiraffluence.Nowonder—imaginetheburdenofbelongingtoalltherightsocialclubs,sendingthekidstoalltherightschools,andwearingalltherightlabels.Awshucks,doesn’tthatjustbringateartoyoureye?No?Wellitshould.Theymighthaveallthemoneyyouwishyouhad,but,iftheirexpectationsrisewiththeirincome,theydon’tappreciateit.Themoralofthestoryisthis:don’tletyourincomedetermineyouroutcome.Andhere’sabonus:unlikeincome,happinessistax‐free.

Moneycan’tbuyhappiness.Well,actuallyitcan.OnSkidRow,alittleextramoneycanmakeabigdifference.Wealthandhealthsharethisincommon:theydon’tbringjoy,buttheirabsencecanleavepuremisery.

Andsometimesmoneyreleasesthehappinessgeniefromthebottle.ClaudeMonetwon100,000francsinthe1891Frenchlottery.Itallowedhimtoquithisjobandpaint,whichiswhatheyearnedtodo.Somoneycanbeuseful.Theloveofmoney,however,istherootofallevil.

What’sinYourToybox

Idon’tknowwhetherit’sthefinestpublichousinginAmerica

orthecrownjewelofprisonlife.It’saveryisolatinglife.

—PresidentBillClintononlifeintheWhiteHouse

“Whoeverdieswiththemosttoyswins.”You’veprobablyreadthebumpersticker.Youprobablyevenlaughed.Okay,morelikelyyougroaned.Butmanyofusliveourlivesthatway.

Lifeisnotastockpilingcontest.Thereareahandfulofthingswereallyneed.Food,clothing,shelter,water.Therestisextra.Everythingelseisabonus.Aren’twelucky!

Unfortunately,wehavecometoexpectmore.Wefeelentitled.Insteadofappreciatingthebountywehave,wecovetthingswedon’thave.

PhiThetaKappaAdvisorDonForancalls“obscene”adsproclaimingthat“aRolexwatchistheultimateexpressionoflove,”or,“Proveyourlovetoher;buyherdiamonds.”Yourgoalshouldnotbetocollectallthemultiple‐choicestones;it

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shouldbetomovethemfromtheWalltoyourStairway.Stonesinyourpocketareworth,well,stonesinyourpocket.ButonyourStairway,youcanstandonthemandreachHeaven.

OneyounggirlfromLondon,Ontario,putsthingsinperspective:“MaybeyouadultsbuyBeanieBabiesinordertomakemoney,butwekidsbuythembecausewelikethem.I’mgladI’makid.”

Exercise:Writedownalistofthethingsyoufeelyouneedbeyondfood,

shelter,andclothing.Alawntractor?Anespressomachine?Embroideredpillowslips?Candles?Thislistwillbeusefullateroninthebook,sowriteitdownnow.

Thehappiestpeoplearenotthosewhohavethebestofeverything,butthosewhomakethebestofeverything.TheymovethestonesfromtheGreatWallofMiserytotheirStairwaystoHeaven.Ifyoufocusonstockpilingmoneyorpossessions,you’llhaveahardtimemakingtheninehabitsworkforyou.

LookitMe,LookitMe

IftheyevenawardedmeanOscarMeyerwiener

forbeingpartofthisfilm,I’dbehappy!

—actorWillSmithonhisroleinthemovieTheLegendofBaggerVance

Kidssaywhattheymean.“Lookatme!LookwhatIdid.”Theydemandpraise.Adultsaremoredemure.Wewantadmiration,butwedon’taskforitoutright.Why?Fameisafantasymanypeopleharbor.Famebringshappiness,doesn’tit?Well,no.Theevidenceisthathappy,famouspeoplearehappydespitetheirfame,notbecauseofit.

Famefosterspressuretoexcel,towin,tobeperfect.Thatpressureoftenhitsastarwhenshe’sjustachild.Examplesabound:filmstarslikeJudyGarland,sportsidolslikefigureskaterOksanaBaiul,singerslikeBillieHoliday.

Famealsorobsyouofyourprivacy.MonicaLewinskytriesto“pretendthatIdon’tnoticethatanybodynoticesme.”MerylStreepseeksoutneighborhoodswherestarsdon’tnormallytread,justtoavoidrecognition.OprahWinfreysays,“I’vedevelopedagreatrespectforfish,I’lltellya,becauseI’velivedmylifeinafishbowl.”Theneedforrecognitioncanalsodistractusfromourpathtohappiness.Likemoney,recognitionhasitsplace.Butliketheloveofmoney,theneedforrecognitionbreedsmisery.

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AreYouMakingaLiving…

OrMakingaDying?

Atleastpartofthereasonwhymostseniorsturnouttohaveastrongsenseofsubjectivewell‐beingisthatmanyofthedolefulorquerulousmembersoftheirbirthcohorthavediedoff!

—happinessresearcherDavidLykken

Deathistheultimateculminationoflife.ContrarytowhattheEgyptianpharaohsbelieved,youreallycan’ttakeitwithyou.Whateverliesbeyond,youcan’ttakefame.Youcan’ttakewealth.Youcan’ttakethetoys.Attheendofthechessgame,thekingsandthepawnsaretossedintothesamewoodenbox.Youmighthaveheardofthemultimillionairewhodiedinhissleep.Thetabloidspesteredhisson,“Howmuchdidheleave?”Hissonresponded,“Heleftitall.”OrasAlexandertheGreat’sepitaphreads:“Atombnowsufficesforwhomthewholeworldwasnotsufficient.”

WhocanforgetthepoignantsceneofCitizenKaneonhisdeathbedrecallingnotthenewspaperempirehebuiltasanadult,butatoyheplayedwithasachild?

Manyreligionssaywecantakeourspirit,butnonesaywecantakestatuswithus.Status.That’swhatallthestandardmeasuresofsuccessamountto.Excellinginone’scareerusuallymeanstakingmoremoney,whichmeansbuyingabiggerhouse,afanciercar,thelatestfashions.WetoilfortheseMasksofSuccess.Byflauntingourstatus,weimpressotherpeople.

Itmakessense.Ifyourneighborisanarchitect,howdoyouknowifshe’sagoodarchitect?Ifhe’sanaccountant,howcanyoutellifhe’sagoodaccountant?Ifhe’sanengineer,howwouldyouguessifhe’sagoodengineer?

Theonlywayanoutsidercanrecognizeaperson’scareervalueisbyincome,andtheonlywaytoevaluateincomeisbythehouse,thecar,thefashions.Aftersellinghiscompanyfornearly$6billion,formerInternettycoonMarkCubanexplains,“Moneyisascoreboardwhereyoucanrankhowyou’redoingagainstotherpeople.”Whileyou’restillalive,thatis.

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HowDoYouDefineSuccess?

I’dratherbeafailureatsomethingIenjoythanasuccessatsomethingIhate.

—comedianGeorgeBurns.

Sohowdoyoudefinesuccess?Therearecountlessanswerstothisquestion,buttheyallboildowntojusttwo.Youcandefinesuccessasimpressingyourself:thatyouarehappy,thatyoustandbyyourvalues,thatyoufeelfulfilled,thatyoulove.Oryoucandefinesuccessasimpressingothers:thatyouhavefame,status,money,toys,oreventheappearanceofahappyfamily.ThesearetheMasksofSuccesspeddledbytheMerchantsofMisery.

PeggyMoylan,aseniorvicepresidentofadvertisinggiantJ.WalterThompson,wasaskedaboutsuccess:“Thatisajudgementotherpeoplemakeaboutyou.Thisismylife,Ifocusmoreonbeinghappy.”

Buthowdoyourecognizesuccesswhenyouseeit?Whenhaveyou“madeit”?Howmuchisenough?WhenJuliaRobertsacceptedthepartofErinBrockovich,shedecideditwouldbethelastroleshewouldplayforawhile,theculminatingexperienceshehadworkedtoward.

InternetentrepreneurGregGianforteknewhowmuchisenough.Withawifeandkids,lifeontheroadfivedaysaweekwasjusttoogrueling.“Atsomepointwedrewthefinishline—thepointatwhichweknewwe’dhadenough.”

Mostofuscan’tstop,evenifweaccumulatemorethanwehadeverdreamedof.Onceonthespeedingtreadmill,theonlyanswerto“Howmuchisenough?”seemstobe,“More.”

CharliewasfishingattheendofapierinaquietTennesseelake.Everytimehecaughtafish,hewouldthrowitbackinthewater.Astrangerhadbeenwatching.“Whydoyoukeepthrowingawaythefish?”heasked.

“Idon’tneedthem,”Charlieanswered.

“Butyoucouldsellthem,”thestrangerreplied.

“WhywouldIwanttodothat?”Charlieasked.“Well,thenyoucouldbuyyourselfbetterrodsandmorebait,”thestrangerreplied.

“Why?”Charliepersisted.

“Tocatchmorefish.”

“Why?”

“Tomakemoremoney,ofcourse.”

“Why?”

“Soyoucanexpandyourbusinessandmakeevenmoremoney,”thestrangerdeclared.

“WhywouldIwanttodothat?”Charliewantedtoknow.

“Soyoucanaffordtospendallthetimeyoulikeoutherefishing,”repliedthe

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exasperatedstranger.

“ButIalreadydothat,”Charliereplied.Andhepaidnomoreattentiontothefrustratedstranger.

Allthroughthischapter,we’veseenexamplesofhowhappinessgrowsfromwithin.Ifwekeeppursuing“success,”thinkingitwillmakeushappy,weriskbeingallthemoreunhappy.Doingthingstobecomemoresuccessfulisafabulouswaytoavoiddoingthingsthatcouldreallycreatehappiness.

Intheend,mostpeoplesecurefromlifewhattheywant.Theymightthinktheywantsomethingelse—happiness,forinstance—butiftheypursuegoalsthatleadinanotherdirection...

Youhaveonlyonelifetolive.Thisisnotadressrehearsal.Yougetnosecondchance.Thechoiceisyours.

Question:Rememberhowwetalkedaboutdeathearlieron.WeevenreadAlexandertheGreat’sepitaph.Herearetwotombstoneinscriptions.Whichonedoyouwantwrittenonyours?

1:Apersonwhospreadjoyfarandnear.

2:Richandimpressedpeoplefarandnear.

Answer:Thereisnorightanswer.Thisone’suptoyou.

SarahSheepisnotyetreadytodie,andIpresumeyouarenoteither.

Sheknowsthemeaningofsuccess.Sheknowshowmuchisenough.Whensheescapesthewellshefellinto,thatwillbeenough.Setyoursightsonwhatyoureallymeanby“success.”

Thehabitsinthisbookwillworkforyouonlyifyoulethappinessgrowinsideyou.Youhavetodecidewhichismoreimportanttoyou—happinessorsuccess.Moneyishandy.Toyscanbeuseful.Recognitionisrewarding.ButtheycannotcarryyouaroundtheWall.IftheydistractyoufrombuildingyourStairway,theMerchantsofMiserywilldefeatyourquestforhappiness.

Alreadyyouhaveadvancedfurtherinthisbookthanyoumightthink.Youarenowabletorecognizethedifferencebetweenwhatyoucanandcannotchange—whichstonesyoucanmovefromtheGreatWallofMiserytoyourStairwaytoHeaven.YoucanunmasktheMerchantsofMiserywhotrytodistractyoufrombuildingyourStairway.Yourtoolsaretheninehabitsofmaximumhappiness.Inthenextchapter,let’sfindoutwhythesetoolsaresouseful.Thenyou’llbereadytostartbuildingyourStairwaywiththem.

Exercise:Writedownthefivemostimportantthingsinyourlife—thethingsthatattheendofyourlifeyouwanttohaveachieved.Theymightbecareer,family,church,character,hobbies,charity,whatever.Thenlistthestepsyouhavetotaketobesuccessfulforeachitem.Thisisyourlifeplanforsuccess.Thisishowyoudefinesuccess.

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Chapter3

MakingHappinessaHabit

Betweensayinganddoing,manyapairofshoesiswornout.

—Italianproverb

BrayGoatfacesachallenge.Afterall,he’sjustasillyoldgoat.Shakingoffstonesandsteppingupdoesnotcomenaturallytohim.Hehastostopandthinkaboutiteachtime.Thatpresentsachallenge.

Lifeisado‐it‐yourselfproject,andthisisyourblueprintforhappiness.YousupplythehammerandchiselandshovelandbruteforcetoliftthestonesfromtheWalltoyourStairway.Thisbookisyourguidetomovingthestones.Butlet’sfaceit,thebookwillnotmovethestones.That’syourjobasstonemason,andtheninehabitsareyourpowertools.

BrayGoatandSarahSheepeventuallydiscoverthatshakingoffstonesandsteppingontothembecomesahabitiftheykeepatit.Withtime,theynolongerhavetothinkaboutwhattodo.Thatleavesthemwithmoreenergytoshaketheirbacksandlifttheirlegs.Asyoudevelophabits,itwillbecomeeasierforyou,too.Thepowerofhabits!

Happinessisnotaproductofhabitsalone,ofcourse.BoththeGreatWallofMiseryandyourStairwaytoHeavenarebuiltfromvariouskindsofstones.Forinstance,charactertraitsplayaroleinyourhappiness.Researchersidentifyfourcharactertraitscommontomosthappypeople:asenseofcontrol,anoptimisticoutlook,highself‐esteem,andanextrovertedpersonality.

Mostofthehabitsinthisbookactuallyhelpyoubuildonthosecharactertraitsifyouhavethem,orcreatethemifyoudon’t.(That’sabonusofferyoudidn’tevenhavetopayfor.Nowdoesn’tthatmakeyoufeelhappy?)

Happinessalsoflowsfromlifestrategies.Youcanmakedecisionsaboutthese,too.Doyouwishtobeanofficeclerkoramoviestuntperson?Doyouchooseahermit’slifeonasecludedisland,ordoyouprefertoraiseninechildreninabustlinghousehold?Isyournotionofblissacouch,ablanket,andtheremotecontrol,ordoyoupreferskiingandscubadiving?

Wewon’ttalkaboutlifestrategiesinthisbook.Thosearehabitatstones,andtheyarefartoopersonalforabooktoguideyou.Habits,ontheotherhand,canhelpyoubehappier,whateverlifestrategyyouchoose.

Knowledgealsofavorshappiness.Thebrainburns15calorieseachhour,whetherthinkingoridling,soyoumightaswelluseit.Butknowledgealonewillnotmakeyouhappy.ConsiderLorettaLaRoche,aBostonarealectureronstressandhumor.Sherecountshowsheandherhusband,astressmanagementconsultant,startavacationbygettingallhotunderthecollaroverchangeatatollbooth.Their

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knowledgeaboutstressmanagementdidhelpthemgetpasttheincidentandlaughaboutit,butthatknowledgedidnotexemptthemfrombasicemotions.

Inanotherinstance,HarvardsocialpsychologistRogerBrownrecallsdrivingintoanarrowstreetjustasanothercarturnedintotheoppositeend.They“cameatoneanotherliketwocombativemice,gettingangrierasweapproached,untilatclosequartersIrecognizedacolleague.”Atthatmoment,angerswitchedtosmiles.Despitehiseducationandprofessionasapsychologist,hewasnotexemptfromthepowerofemotions.

Nomatterhowmuchyoulearnfromthisbook,youwillbenefitprimarilywhenyouformhabitsfromtheinformation.That’swhywefocusonhabits—nottraits,notlifestrategies,notknowledge.HabitshelpyoumovethestonestoyourStairwaytoHeavensoyoucanclimbupontop.

Somebooksonhappinesspretendtheycancovereverythingthataffectsourhappiness.Thisbookcoversonlythoseareasyoucanimprovethroughhabits.HereareafewoftheissuesIchosenottocramintothesepages:(AlthoughIdomakereferencestosomeoftheminthecontextofissuesIdocover.)

•Psychologicaldisorders

•Religionandspirituality

•Height

•Birthorder

•Geography

•Age

•Romanceandmarriage

•Gender

•Addictions

WhydoIleavetheseout?Theobviousreasoniswitheverythingabouthappiness,you’dneedaHerculesandthreeforkliftstopickupthebook.Afterall,thisisnotamuscle‐buildingexercise;it’sablueprintforyourStairwaytoHeaven.Booksthattrytocovertoomuchcovereachsubjecttoolittle.

Let’sfocushereontheninehabits—habitsyoucanuseeverydayofyourlife.Applyingthesehabitscanmakeyouhappierthanwinningthelottery,andI’lltellyouwhyinthenextfewpages.

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FlightsandTrenches

Mydefinitionofthegoodlifeisnotthemassiveandunrepeatableextravagance,butagradualaccumulationofhabits,friendsandpossessions...thatprovideregularandsustainedjoy.

—writerPeterMayle

Question:Thehigheryoufly,theharderyoufall.Trueorfalse?

Answer:True.Researcherssayyoucannotpredictthatapersonwillsufferlittlebadfeelingjustbecauseheenjoysplentyofgoodfeelings.Inotherwords,thrillsandfundonotchaseawaytheblues.Ifyoutendtofeelmoreintensepositiveemotions,you’llalsofeelmoreintensenegativeemotions.

Somepeoplelookforhappinessinfun.Iftheycouldjustenjoyenoughthrillingexperiences,theyareconvincedtheywouldbehappier.Theyarewrong.Verywrong.Infact,themorethrillingexperiencesyoucollect,theharderyoumighthavetotoiltoovercomethoseexperiences...ifyouwanttobehappy.

Now,Iknowyoumightbesaying,“Thefoolauthor’stalkingnonsense.”Letmeassureyou:youwon’tbuildyourStairwaytoHeavenjumpingfromairplanesorridingrollercoasters.Youmighthavefun.You’lldefinitelygetathrill.Butfollowingthevolatilelife‐is‐a‐carnivalphilosophyisnotthepathtohappiness.

Youngpeopleoftenflytoheightsofjoyanddigtrenchestothedepthsofdespair,butsuchextremesarenotsustainable—notifoneplanstobehappy.AsProfessorSandraMarieSchneidertoldstudentsattheircommencement,“Thisisaverysignificantmomentinyourlife,toosignificant,Ithink,toberushedthroughinsuchablurofexcitementthatthedeepermeaningofitallismissed.”

InChapter2,rememberhowlotterywinnerswerenohappieroncetheinitialeuphoriaworeoff?Intensejoyimpedesaperson’sabilitytoappreciatesomanymildlypositivethingsinhislife.Forinstance,itfeelsgreattofallheadoverheelsinlove(especiallyifyou’reacontortionist),butfallinginloveislikewinningthejackpot.Whathappenswhentheinitialeuphoriawearsoff?Areyoustillinlove?Ordoyoujustlove?Oristherenothingleftbutapulse?Ifyouaimforthethrill,you’llbeleftempty‐hearted.Ifyouaimforthelong‐termlove,youmightjustwalkawayawinner.

Funandthrillsarejusthit‐and‐runhappiness.Ifapersonwasunhappytobeginwith,she’llbeunhappyagainwhenthethrillisover.Happinessandunhappinessarepervasive.Theyarechronic.Theylastthroughhardknocksandtoughshocks,throughgreatfunandthebrightsun.

IrememberthethrillofseeingsnowintheMojaveDesert.I’mfromupnorth,sosnowisnobigdealforme.ButthelastplaceIexpectedsnowwastuckedupagainstthecactusandtheJoshuatreeofsouthernCalifornia.Butalas,thesnowdidnotlast.Itmeltedquickly.

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Question:What’sthedifferencebetweenamuralandafresco?Botharewallpaintings,right?

Answer:Muralsarelikefun;youcanremovethembypeelingorscraping.TheyvanishontheheelsofaMojavesnowfall.Frescosformanintegralpartofthewall;likehappiness,theyendure.TheyaremoreliketheglaciersofAlaska.

Oneladydescribedhermountain‐climbingexperienceinMaineas“exhilarating.”Whenshereachedthesummit,though,shebrokeoutintears,andhertears“definitelyweren’ttearsofjoy.”

Mywife,Chantal,isoneofthosepeoplewhoseemotionsswingwildly.Shesavorsgreatjoy(whichmakesherquiteattractive),butshealso“crashes.”That’swhereIcomein.Myjobistobehertrampoline—tohelpherbouncebackoutofthetrenchasquicklyaspossible.That’sonereasonwhyChantalandIenjoylifemorenowthanbeforewemet...butthat’sanotherbook.

ChronicHappiness

Enthusiasmistheelectricityoflife.Howdoyougetit?

Youactenthusiasticuntilyoumakeitahabit.

—photographerGordonParks

ThereisnoelevatortoHeaven.YouhavetobuildyourStairwayonestoneatatime.Yourbestbetistoaimforchronichappiness,alastingsenseofcontentment,ratherthanacutehappinessbasedprimarilyonone‐timeevents.Onestudyrevealshowdailypleasanteventsevenboostsourimmunesystems.

Tobechronicallyhappier,raiseyourday‐to‐dayhappinesslevel.That’swherehabitscomein.(Yes,we’realmosttherenow.)Habitsarewhatwedoeveryday,thethingswedoevenwhenourbrainstakealeaveofabsence.Wegivealotofthoughttothematfirst,ofcourse,butafterawhiletheybecomehabits.(That’swhywecallthemhabits,incaseyouwerewondering.)Somehabitsgelafterjustafewdozenrepetitions.Otherstakelonger,especiallyiftheymustreplaceold,deeplyingrainedhabits.Whenwegetthere,weliveinourhabitat.

We’vetalkedalotaboutbuildinghabitsforhappiness.Onegoalofeachnewhabitweapplyistoreplaceabadhabit—onethatseparatesusfromhappiness.Doyourecognizethisprocess?WemovestonesoneatatimefromtheGreatWallofMiserytoyourStairwaytoHeaven.Eachtimeyouapplyahabit,thinkofit—visualizeit—asastoneyouremovefromtheWallandplaceonyourStairway.

Thistakeswork.Habitsdon’tjustpopupliketheflowersthatbloominthespring.Belikeariver.Throughhabit,therivercutsthroughtherocksinthelongrun.That’showtheGrandCanyonwasformed,persistentlycarvingthroughthehardeststone

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onedropatatime.HabitscanbuildyourStairwaytoHeaven.

Onceuponatime,awisekingplunkedaboulderonthepathtohiscastletoseewhowouldremoveit.Lordsandladiessteppedaroundit.Theyindignantlyblamedthekingfornotclearingtheroad,butnobodyliftedafingertomovethestone.Theywereburdenedbytheuselesshabitofcomplainingaboutthingstheydidn’tlike.

Apeasantgirlcarryingtwobucketsofwaterploddedby.Settingthebucketsaside,thegirlstruggledtomovetheboulder.Shewasblessedwiththeusefulhabitoffixingthingsshedidn’tlike.Withsomedifficulty,shemovedthestone.Asshepickedupherbuckets,somethingcaughthereye.Asmallpurselaywheretheboulderhadstood.Peeringinsidethepurse,thepeasantgirlfound20goldcoinsandanotefromtheking:“Toyewhomovetheboulder,befilledwithjoy.”

Foralltheirmoneyandstatus,themiserablelordsandladiesweretoobusycomplaining.Theysteppedaroundtheboulder,buttheydidnotsteparoundtheWall.Thepeasantgirlfocusedondoingwhatshebelievedsheshould,and,bymovingthestone,sheclimbedhigheronherStairway.Sameboulder,differentactions.Sameproblem,differentreactions.Goodhabits:that’sthedifferencebetweenmiseryandhappiness.

Myfriend,Peter,likestorecallthebiblicaltaleofNehemiah,whosetsouttofixthebrokenwallsofthecity.Stonebystone,herebuildsthewall.Enemiestrytodiscouragehim,butheignoresthem.Theytrytofrustratehisefforts,butheignoresthem.HejustkeepsmovinghisstonesandrebuildingtheWall.

TheU.S.Constitutionguaranteesthepursuitofhappiness.It’suptoyoutopursueit.Nowletmeofferyoufairwarning.Gettingstartediseasy.Replacingoldhabitswithnewonesisacinch...untilamomentofstressoradistraction.Quittingsmoking,dieting,startinganexerciseroutineseemeasyatfirst,buttheyaredeceptivelychallenging.

SarahSheepfounditeasytoshakeoffthefirstfewstones.Butasmorestonesslamdownonherbackandherhead,hertaskgrowsharderandharder.

Replacingunhappyhabitswithhappyhabitsrequiresboththeinitialcommitmentandongoingeffortuntilthenewhabitsare100percentingrained.Weliveinaworldofinstantgratification,fast‐foodresults,just‐in‐timedelivery,real‐timeprofits...wherechangestrikeswiththepopofapill.Happinessisnotlikethat.Yourhappyhabitatmustbebuiltonestoneatatime.

Areyoureadytostartmovingthestones?Youknowwhatyoucanandcannotchange,yourecognizetheMerchantsofMisery,andyouunderstandhowhabitsmakethedifference.Youarenowreadytousethetools—theninehabitsofmaximumhappiness.

Let’sgettoit.

NOTE: This is an excerpt only. A PDF format ebook version of the full 224 page work can be purchased at http://www.inkstonedigital.com/index.php?crn=180&rn=502&action=show_detail