8/14/2019 Nguyen Hai Ha - In-Class Writing

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Name: Nguyen Hai Ha

Class; 071E1

In-class Writing

Topic: Do you think modern technology has led to the loss of the traditional lifestyle?

Outline:

- Thesis statement: However, in my opinion, modern technology is not necessarily the cause

of losing traditional lifestyles.

- Main idea:

+ It doesnt decide peoples lives

+ There are technology that helps improve traditional lifestyles

+ Its people who change

The age of modern technology in Vietnam sees the disappearance of some traditional

features in its peoples lifestyle. As a result, some turns to blame the technological

development for the loss. However, in my opinion, modern technology is not necessarily the

cause of losing traditional lifestyle.

First of all, created by human beings to enhance their living standards, technology cannot

have negative influence on peoples lifestyles itself. Humans invented them, enjoy using themand sometimes rely too much on them that they refuse to go back the styles they used to live

without them. For example, you cannot blame the TV for keeping you away from a cozy

dinner with your family. Its you who decides to turn on the TV, watch it for several hours and

ignore Moms call for mealtime. Therefore, if the way you live your life change, blame it on

yourself, not the technology.

Secondly, there is newly developed technology that helps improve the traditional lifestyle.

For instance, the bond among family members these days are not discouraged by the

geographical distant anymore thanks to the use of the Internet. Thats another reason why

people should stop blaming the technology for ruining their lifestyles.

Last but not least, the disappearance of some traditional value can be caused by the

inappropriateness in the modern age. Life changes, people change, some habits in living

styles, consequently, has to change also. And once again, it has nothing to do with the

technology developed or not.

In conclusion, I think modern technology is not always responsible for the loss of

traditional lifestyles. Human beings cause it all.

(Words: 266)

8/14/2019 Nguyen Hai Ha - In-Class Writing

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Good point:

A clear five-paragraph essay.

Weak points:

Grammatical mistakes as I have mentioned above

About the ideas: I am afraid that they are not convincing enough.

+ In para. 1, I cannot find the topic sentence. The first sen. sounds too broad in compared with

what you have said in this para.

+ Main ideas cannot well support the thesis statement as well as your opinion that MT hasnt

led to the loss

+ In para.3 : I think it is not a good paragraph: the sentences dont link to each other well

So I think some other ideas should be used to replace the above ideas to make your essay

more persuasive