narcissism, pride, and humility

P1: VENDER/LMD/GCX P2: FOM/FMN/GGT QC: GFU

Journal of Psychology and Judaism [jpj] PH029-299011 July 21, 2001 11:29 Style file version Nov. 19th, 1999

Journal of Psychology and Judaism, Vol. 24, No. 3, Fall 2000 (C© 2001)

Narcissism, Pride, and Humility

RICHARD D. KNAPP , D.O. is a psychiatrist in privatepractice in Winter Park, Florida. He holds a B.Sc. in Biologyfrom Fairleigh Dickinson University (1967), and received hisDoctorate from Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medi-cine (1971). Board Certified in Psychiatry, with additionalqualifications in Addiction Psychiatry, he served his psychi-atric residency at Belmont Psychiatric Center, in Philadelphiafrom 1972 to 1975. He has been in the clinical practice ofpsychiatry since then. Due to an interest in the interfaces be-tween religion, healing, theology and psychology, he is alsonow pursuing a Doctorate in Jewish Studies through the Dis-tance Learning program of Spertus College of Jewish Studiesin Chicago.

It is theorized by the author that Post-Biblical Jewish Religious Text should containmany practical psychological insights, given the fact that the authors of suchliterature were expected to be involved in the life of their communities, to bemarried with children, and be engaged in an occupation in order to function asreligious authorities who were to be taken seriously. Many were physicians. As anexploration of this idea, some of the writings regarding the subjects of pride andhumility are explored. A picture of a Jewish religious approach to pathologicalnarcissism appears to emerge from this examination.

KEY WORDS: ethical literature; humility; pride; narcissism.

“I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit.”(Isaiah57:15)

The authors of post-biblical Jewish religious texts often had valuable psy-chological insights to offer. The archetypal Jewish religious sage not only had tobe educated in Jewish text, but also had to be married, be part of the community,

205

C© 2001 Human Sciences Press, Inc.



206 Knapp

and be engaged in an occupation in order to function as a religious authority whowas to be taken seriously. Furthermore, many of the Jewish authors were physi-cians, especially in the medieval era, a time in the history of Western Europewhen physicians were mainly Jews. (Nevins, p. 4) To list only a few of themost famous, Abraham Ibn Ezra,1 Nachmanides,2 Gersonides,3 and of course,Maimonides,4 were all practicing physicians. In a much earlier age, one finds Sagesin the Mishna and the Talmud who are listed asRofim, “healers” (Preuss/Rosnerpp. 19–22). Rabbi Hiyya (Berakhot5b), for example, or Mar Samuel (Shabbat108b), personal physician of Rabbi Judah the Prince. By virtue of such pro-fessional involvement, these rabbis, of many eras, were regularly exposed toreal, live human beings who were in mental and emotional pain. It would fol-low that these sages found it necessary to evolve methods of dealing with thispain; therefore, it can be found that psychological insights often permeate theirworks.

As an illustrative case in point, in reviewing some of the post-biblical Jewishreligious ethical literature regarding the topics of “pride” and “humility,” the trainedeye comes across the elements of identification and management of what is nowcalled pathological narcissism. This study will focus on that subject, as a meansof demonstrating some of the psychological insights shown in these texts.

CONTEMPORARY THEMES

Before entering into the literature under consideration, it will be helpful toinitially review some current theory and terminology, in order to establish ref-erence points for the contemporary reader. The term “narcissism” was taken forpsychological use by Freud, deriving from the Greek myth of Narcissus, who fellin love with his own image in a pond and died pining away for himself. It was tomeancathexis, attachment, of the primal drives, the libido, to the self. One aspectof narcissism is necessary and healthy, required for an individual to be sufficientlymotivated to take care of one’s “self ” enough to function normally within a so-ciety.5 Narcissism becomes pathological when most of the libidinal energies areconcentrated in the self and one can not move beyond this fixated point. The termself is a difficult concept to define in a few words. It may be taken to signify theopposite ofobjects—persons or entities outside of the individual, as represented tothe individual by the mind. Otto Kernberg defined the self as, “the individual’s inte-grated conception of himself as an experiencing, thinking and acting or interactingentity.” (Kernberg, unpub.) The designation “self” is close to the word “ego,” as

11089–1167. (All dates given are Common Era).2Rabbi Moshe ben Nachman, 1194–1267, known in Jewish literature by the acronym,RaMBaN.3Rabbi Levi ben Gershon, 1288–1344, acronymRaLBaG.4Rabbi Moshe ben Maimon, 1135–1204, acronymRaMBaM.5Not unlike the necessaryYetzer haRah(evil impulse) of Jewish lore; also see text, below.



Narcissism, Pride, and Humility 207

used in the popular sense. For the task at hand, it is important to note that the morefull of “self ” one is, the less space there is for “objects,” i.e., other people. The selfcan never fill the function of object, however. Feelings, empathy, sympathy, regardfor and attachment to others are traded for an internal void, that can never be filled,even though the sufferer unconsciously imagines that possessions, praise, status,and achievements can fill this cold emptiness.

Therefore, let us now look at the extreme situation, when narcissism becomespathological. “Pathological” will be used here to mean abnormal function in amanner that leads to pervasive impairment in an individual’s functioning and dis-tresses the individual and/or those around him. Furthermore, the term, “PersonalityDisorder,” will be used according to theDiagnostic and Statistical Manual ofMental Disorders—Fourth Edition, known as “DSM-IV,” and is defined as, “Anenduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly fromthe expectations of an individual’s culture, is pervasive and inflexible, is stableover time, has onset in adolescence or early adulthood, and causes distress orimpairment.” (APA, 1994, p. 629)

The symptom cluster known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder is definedin DSM-IV as follows:

Five or more of the following:

1. Has a grandiose sense of self importance [e.g. exaggerates achievementsand talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurateachievements].

2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance,beauty, or ideal love.

3. Believes that he or she is special and unique and can only be understoodby, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or insti-tutions).

4. Requires excessive admiration.5. Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially

favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.6. Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve

his or her own ends.7. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings or

needs of others.8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of her or him.9. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

PRIDE AND “DIAGNOSIS”

How does one come to be this way? There are many complex theories, putforth throughout the history of the development of psychoanalysis. For example,



208 Knapp

the use ofprideas an ego defense as a reaction toshame(Morrison, 1986, p. 348ff).Following a different approach than the psychoanalytic, however, this study willlook at the identification and treatment of narcissistic psychopathology in theJewish literary sources. Note that the etiology of the disorder is not considered asmuch in this literature,6 so much as the process ofchangingthe narcissistic stateof mind as well as managing the “prideful ego,” after identifying the problem.

There was a time, before the current medicalization of matters formerlythought of as moral became “diseases,” when problems of character were theprovince of religion and philosophy. (Conrad and Schneider, 1980), Jewish reli-gious authors often wrote of managing the “prideful ego,” for reasons that willbecome evident as we progress. The Jewish way of life is concerned with dutiesand obligations, with what is permitted, and what is proscribed, not with “rightsand privileges,” not with the fantasized entitlements of the narcissistic. The con-cern of the good of the community is a prime motive. One’s life as an art formin the practice of themitzvotis a goal. The current theologian Byron L. Sherwincomments that: “The works that comprise Jewish ethical literature are self helpmanuals in the art form of life. Their primary goal is not toinform, but totransformtheir readers.” (Cohen and Sherwin, 1992. Intro., p. xi). Rabbi Abraham JoshuaHeschel pointed out that much Jewish genius and effort has been expended tocreatelivesthat are works of art, rather than concentrating onthingsthat are worksof art (Heschel, 1950, p. 9). To the Greek mind, the beautiful is the good; to theJewish mind, the good is the beautiful.

Diagnosis, the recognition and definition of the disease in question, is alwaysthe first step in treatment. The “Jewish diagnosis” of pathological narcissism isto be found in the many writings on “Pride,” using the Hebrew word,Ga’vah.Throughout the texts there seem to be similarities to the DSM-IV criteria.7 As acase in point, Moshe Hayim Luzzatto, the 18th century Italian ethicist and kabbalistwrote, in hisMesillat Yesharim(The Path Of The Just), “Pride consists in a personpluming himselfwith his self and considering himself worthy of praise.” (Luz-zatto/Silverstein, p. 155). Note the similarity to DSM-IV’s “(1) has a grandiosesense of self importance.” Luzzatto proceeded to list various prideful types. Therewas the “vain type” who, “thinking he is deserving of praise and is impressivelyunique [as he imagines] in the possession of his particular attributes,” deports him-self in a manner he presumes is impressively unique. And, “He will not speakto all people, but only with men of eminence; and even with them he will utteronly terse oracular remarks. . . in all his ways—he will conduct himself with greatpompousness. . .” (p. 156–7). Again, recall the DSM, “(3) believes that he or she isspecial and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, otherspecial or high-status people (or institutions),” and, “(9) shows arrogant, haughtybehaviors or attitudes.”

6See below, regarding “Anger and Pride.”7The author offers this as a reference point for the reader, not as proof of “veracity” of the texts.




Further symptoms appeared in the type who “since he is worthy of praiseand possessed of many superior qualities, he must become the terror of the earthand everyone must tremble before him. He feels it would be insolent on the partof people to speak with him or ask anything of him.” DSM-IV seems to echo,“(4) Requires excessive admiration”; and, “(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., un-reasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliancewith his or her expectations.”

Rabbi Luzzatto continued with “One’s thinking that he is already so great andso invested with honor, that honor is inseparable from him, and that consequentlyhe need not pursue it.” Here is DSM’s, “expects to be recognized as superiorwithout commensurate achievements.” TheRaMHaL8 continues, “ This one goeson to behave as if he were a humble man, all the while his heart is swelling withinhim, as if to say, ‘I am so exalted and greatly honored that I no longer have any needfor honor and might as well decline it, for it resides within me in great measure’”(p. 157).

Another of Luzzatto’s prideful types was expressed as, “the one who desiresto be widely renowned for his outstanding qualities and the uniqueness of hisways, in which praise is not enough for the qualities that he desires, but he alsowants to be praised for being ‘the humblest of the humble’” (p. 157). Here weseem to have DSM-IV, “(4) Requires excessive admiration,” even if for beingoutstandingly humble. Luzzatto continues, “He puts himself far beneath thosewho are far inferior to him. . .” however, “Their evil intent will show through theirdeeds, and their seeming self-effacement will be recognized as specious humilityand deceitful lowliness” (p. 159). Recall psychoanalytic thought, wherein shameis the other side of the coin of egotism. One type of defense is to make the fearedaffect one’s own and thereby give oneself the illusion of control over this feared orintolerable affect, thereby taking pride in shame, as in the last of these “pridefultypes” mentioned. Rabbi Luzzatto sensed this almost three hundred years ago.

The final “type” mentioned byMesillat Yesharimis that of, “those whosepride remains buried in their hearts, without receiving expression in deed, but whonurse the thought that they are great sages. . .not many can hope to be as wiseas they. . .and so thinking, they pay no need to the thoughts of others.” DSM-IVsimilarly indicates, “(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify withthe feelings or needs of others.” All the preceding discussions of pride were dis-cussed in Luzzatto’s chapter on “cleanliness,” as harmful barriers to achievingthat quality (p. 161), deriving from the biblical verse, “The proud of heart are theabomination of God” (Proverbs16:5) as follows, “One who wishes to acquire thetrait of Cleanliness must cleanse himself of all forms of pride. . .pride itself isblindness and man’s reason cannot see its defects, and recognize its meanness” [Isthis the defense of denial?].

8Acronym, used in Jewish literature, to refer to Rabbi Moshe Hayim Luzzatto.



210 Knapp

It is important to consider that the psychoanalytic writers have also noted,as mentioned above, that there is a type of narcissism which is a healthy, nor-mal, and necessary self-esteem (Morrison, pp. 149–50, 160–1, and 324–5). Thisconstruct was recognized, in the sixteenth century by the anonymous author ofOrhot Tzaddikim, “The Ways of the Righteous.” In this work, there is an entirechapter dedicated directly to the problems of “Pride,”The Gate of Pride(Sha’arhaGa’vah), in which subdivisions of pride are catalogued as, “one good and oneevil” (Orhot Tzaddikim/Cohen, 1969, p. 25). These are the types of arrogancecalled, (1.) “ The pride of a man in his body,” and (2.) “The pride of a man in hisintellectual attainments and in his deeds.” Of “[good] pride in body” the text said,

And there is a sort of personal pride that is good and necessary. Otherwise a man mightsay, ‘since arrogance is so evil, I will separate myself from pride even more.’ And he denieshimself meat, drinks no wine, does not marry, does not live in a nice dwelling. . .wearssackcloth and coarse wool, and torn, soiled clothes, uses soiled and ugly dishes and utensils,does not wash his face, hands and feet until his appearance becomes more bedraggled. . .andhe does all this to remove himself from pride as far as possible. One who follows such acourse is called a ‘sinner’ [here the author compares with the example of the Nazarite whomust “Make expiation on his behalf for the guilt that he has incurred through the corpse(Numbers6:11)]. . .And the sages said, ‘Is it not enough for you that the Torah has forbiddenthat you wish to forbid other things? [Jerusalem TalmudNedarim9:1]’ . . .Solomon said,‘Be not righteous overmuch: neither make thyself overwise; why shouldest thou destroythyself? [Ecclesiastes7:16].’” (pp. 32–3)

Orhot Tzaddikimcontinued with a counter-discourse of being “clean in allmatters, for cleanliness is the fence that guards good deeds,” adding how oneshould, “wear garments of modest worth, lovely and clean, according to his means”and, “to have shelter, food and drink of like kind.”

Concerning “Pride in Wisdom and Good Deeds,”Orhot Tzaddikimalsorecords “good” and “evil” types. More “diagnostic material” for the evil formis first put forth, “The pride that is bad is when a man despises others in his heartand with his mouth, and when all people aside from him are small and lackingin his eyes. . .”— just as in the “devaluing of others” found in DSM’s Narcissis-tic Personality Disorder (c.f. Morrison, p. 2). The “good type” of pride, on theother hand, sees that, “pride in the attainment of wisdom is praiseworthy, as it issaid: ‘But let him that boasts boast of this—that he understands and knows me(Jeremiah 9:23)’. . . this type of pride does not harm modesty, but, on the contrary,helps him rejoice in all good qualities and to be glad when his companions arehonored and to concern himself with their honor” (Orhot Tzaddikim, p. 45). To notacknowledge one’s accomplishments is either false modesty or self-delusion. Theauthor also sees “arrogance against the wicked is exceedingly to be praised. . .heshould never humble himself to them. . .and he must command them concerningthe good. . .even though this preaching may seem in the eyes of the world likelording over others and boasting, since his intention is for the sake of God, he isto be praised” (p. 45).




PRIDE AND ANGER

The inability of the egotist to tolerate the internal empty void continuouslygeneratesrageandanger, as some of the resulting affects of the narcissistic po-sition. This rage can cause the self to lose the controls of what healthy ego [herethe analytic use of the term] may be left to the “prideful,” narcissistic character.Accordingly, Orhot Tzaddikimlinks anger to arrogance—“Anger is very closeto arrogance and no angry man can escape arrogance” (p. 243). Further, “. . . foranger draws the intelligence of a person from within him, and his angry deedsmultiply, and he is plunged into strife and quarrel” (pp. 230–32). Hayim Vital, asixteenth-century kabbalist in Safed (Sfat) wrote, “Pride and anger are a singlequality” (Sefer Sha’arey Kedusha, 1:2, p. 17). In the Talmud, anger is additionallylinked to idolatry, e.g.,Shabbat105b:

Surely it was taught, Rabbi Shimeon ben Eleazar said in the name of Halfa bar Agra inRabbi Yohanan ben Nuri’s name: He who rends his garments in his anger, he who breaks hisvessels in his anger, and he who scatters his money in his anger, regard him as an idolater,because such are the wiles of the Tempter: Today he says to him, ‘Do this’; tomorrow he tellshim, ‘Do that,’ until he bids him, ‘Go and serve idols,’ and he goes and serves [them]. RabbiAbin observed: What verse [intimates this]? There shall be no strange god in you; neithershall you worship any strange god; who is the strange god that resides in man himself? Say,that is the Tempter! (Shabbat105a)

Similarly, the Baal Shem Tov, eighteenth century founder of the EasternEuropean Hasidic movement, is quoted in a hasidic text as saying that “pride isactually idolatry.” (Leshon Hasidim, Ketonet Pasim, “Ki Tissah”) The offenderseeks to replace God with the self as the object of one’s supreme concern andattachment.

When angry, one is full of oneself, allowing no space for God, only space forthe “strange god” of anger. In the Talmud, anger and pride deny the very existenceof God:

Rabbi Yohanan said in the name of Rabbi Shimeon bar Yohai: Every man in whom ishaughtiness of spirit is as though he worships idols; it is written here, ‘Every one that isproud in heart is an abomination to the Lord,’ and it is written elsewhere, ‘You shall notbring an abomination into your house.’ Rabbi Yohanan himself said: He is as though he haddenied the fundamental principle [of the existence of God]. (Sotah4b)

Anger, in the Talmud, leads to self damnation, depression and, as well known,a churning stomach, as seen:

Rabbi Samuel bar Nahmani said in the name of Rabbi Yonatan: He who loses his temper isexposed to all the torments ofGehenna, for it is written, Therefore remove anger from thyheart,’ thus wilt thou put away evil from thy flesh. Now ‘evil’ can only meanGehenna, asit is written, The Lord hath made all things for himself yea, even the wicked for the day ofevil. Moreover, he is made to suffer fromabdominal troubles, as it is written, But the Lordshall give thee there a trembling heart, and failing of eyes, andsorrow of mind. Now whatcauses failing eyes and asorrowful mind? Abdominal troubles. (Nedarim 22a)



212 Knapp

One of the classic psychoanalytic formulations of the etiology of depression(being “sorrowful of mind”) is that of anger turned inward on the self (Freud,1917). Here, inNedarim22a, are hints of parallels with the formulations of modernpsychology (although the etiology of depression is a bit more convoluted in thisexample, routed through the gastrointestinal tract). It appears that depression hassimilarities to pride, as well as does anger, by virtue of the preoccupation with self,always found in depressed states.

The empty void generated by the narcissistic position also generatesgreed.Rabbenu Bahya ibn Paquda wrote of this in eleventh-century Spain, recording, “thewhole world and everything in it is not enough for the person afflicted with prideand haughtiness, because of his pretensions and scorn for what he has acquired”(Duties of the Heart, p. 324).

“TREATMENT” AND A JEWISH APPROACH TO HUMILITY

How then does one begin to rid oneself of these afflictions of pride, anger,greed, and envy, belonging to the pathologically narcissistic state? There mustfirst be a desire for change, not easy to induce in one who defensively must seehim/herself as perfect, and who desperately must maintain that illusion. The desirefor change in the prideful person usually arises at the occasion of distress at comingup against the realities of life, in which the person’s usual, primitive narcissisticdefenses will no longer work. At these times, the distress may first manifest asdepression, a state that often brings those with pathological narcissistic characterto therapy. Realities such as changes due to aging, loss of status, loss of wealth,loss of health, all of which can happen in the vicissitudes of living. Psychiatricauthors on Narcissistic Personality Disorder often note that many suffering fromthis illness will “outgrow” the problem when confronted with the above realitiesof life. Defenses such as blaming others, idealizing the self or others, seeingself or others as “all good” saints or as “all bad” devils, overcoming painfully feltshame with arrogance, and delusions of self perfection, all cease to bring any reliefto his distress. This can cause the individual to turn for help. “ There is the hope ofleading a less painful way of life. . . the hope to achieve some potential for creativeendeavor, and the hope to finally be what one always really could, and wanted to,be” (Wolf, 1988, p. 45). Several writings from the Judaic classic literature addressthis turning point. Luzzatto wrote,

Let one consider the vicissitudes of life. The rich man becomes poor, the ruler subservient,and the man of eminence sinks into obscurity. Since a man is thus liable to find himselfoccupying a station in life he now looks upon with contempt, how shall he be proud becauseof the good fortune which he can never be sure will last? How many are the discards towhich one is liable, rendering a man so helpless that he begs to be relieved. . .Daily do wewitness these occurrences. They should be sufficient to banish pride from our hearts and toimbue us with humility. (Mesillat Yesharim/Kaplan, p. 414)




Perhaps if one is paying attention to his prayers on Yom Kippur, he or sheencounters this inspiration to change in the medieval poemu’Netaneh Tokef, foundin the Musafservice (it is attributed to the 11th Century Rabbi Kalonymus benMeshullam of Mayence, given to him in a dream by Rabbi Amnon of Mayence,three days after his martyrdom),

On Rosh Hoshana their destiny is inscribed, and on Yom Kippur it is sealed, how many shallpass away, and how many shall be brought into existence; who shall live and who shall die;who shall come to a timely end and who to an untimely end; who shall perish by fire andwho by water; who by sword and who by beast; who by hunger and who by thirst; who byearthquake and who by plague; who by strangling and who by stoning; who shall be at easeand who shall wander about; who shall be at peace and who shall be molested; who shallhave comfort and who shall be tormented; who shall become poor and who shall becomerich; who shall become lowered and who shall be raised. (Mahzor, Birnbaum, p. 792)

The empty emotional void of the narcissistic position may cause the egotist toturn to a search of “spiritual” sources for relief. In his or her characteristic way, thenarcissist may assume this to mean achieving “spiritual perfection.” Witness thecurrent vogue for New Age spirituality. In the quest for this “spiritual perfection,”a narcissistic pursuit, the “searcher” may turn to his roots, if he or she is of Jewishorigins. This may first manifest in becoming aBa’al T’shuvah(literally: Master ofReturning). Often seen is the enthusiastic “returnee” striving to collect and performever more numerous and stringent ritualMitzvot, harboring the fantasy that this willgive him/her control over life, the universe, and even the Eternal Holy One, whiletrying to create the illusion of personal depth.9 If these people are fortunate, theymay begin to study the classic Jewish texts, and paradoxically find that spiritualgrowth comes in realizing that perfection is impossible for a human. The onlyway to be perfect is, paradoxically, to be [genuinely] humble and acknowledgeimperfection, the Jewish Tradition is careful to spell out what “humility” actuallyis. That the extreme of perfect, abject, self-debasing, purposeful shaming of theself is alsoassur, proscribed. It is not genuine humility.

The Jewish “prescription” for pride, egotism, narcissism, consists of cultivat-ing humility,Anavah, as the “antidote.” This concept is found in many places in thetraditional Jewish literature, convering the subject in substantial depth. Consider,“Before destruction the heart of man is haughty, and before honor goes humility[Proverbs18:12].”

The first step is to recognize what humility actually is—to identify thatgoal. The English word has slightly different connotations than the Hebrew wordAnavah. Luzzatto commented: “The essence of humility is in a person’s not at-taching importance to himself for any reason whatsoever” (Mesillat Yesharim/Siverstein, p. 283).Orhot Tzaddikimadds: “. . . the opposite of arrogance, regard-ing oneself as nothing” (p. 53).

9There is no intent here to devalue the many sincereBaalei T’shuvahwho are notmotivated by neuroticconflict.



214 Knapp

Humility is dependent upon both thought and deed—attitude and actions.Humility is thoughtconsists of, “recognizing as a truth that he does not deservepraise and honor. . .both because of his natural limitations and because of hisaccumulated defects. . . it is obvious that it is impossible for any man. . . to bewithout many faults [because of heredity, experience, familial training, and effectsof previous acts]” (Mesillat Yesharim/Silverstein, pp. 284–85).

An important point made by Luzzatto is that wisdom, “. . . is [often] respon-sible. . . for a person’s coming to feel self-important and proud” (p. 285). Anintelligent person is only acting according to his inborn nature. It is as natural andeffortless for him to learn as it is for a bird to fly, or an ox to pull with his naturalstrength. [As stated by Yohanan ben Zakkai (Avoth2.9):] “ If you have learnedmuch Torah, do not take credit for it, for you were created to do so.” Thereforethere is no place for pride in wisdom. Furthermore, a person who has learning andwisdom is obligated to impart it to those in need of it, just as the wealthy man mustshare his wealth in the giving of charity, or the strong man must assist the weak.Additionally, the learning one has is only because of the earlier efforts of others:“The greatest sage among us is no more than the disciple of the disciples of earliergenerations.” One need not compare oneself to others, especially if it is to denigrateoneself. The hasidic author Menahem Nahum of Chernobyl pointed this out in hisMe’or Einayim, Yismakh Lev(a commentary toPirkei Avot), namely, that one oughtnot compare oneself to others. If one comes across someone less accomplished inlearning than oneself, it is not an occasion to devalue him, rather to look into whatone has not yet accomplished oneself (Me’or Einayim, pp. 353–354).

The RaMHaL wrote that humility of deed consists of “conducting oneselfwith lowliness, bearing insults, hating authority, and fleeing honor” (Silverstein,299). AndOrhot Tzaddikimsays, “The modest person flees from greatness andfrom honor, and it is upon this that the modesty of a person really depends, as it issaid: ‘. . .and to walk humbly with thy God [Micah 6:8]’” (p. 71). This same textlists among “humility in deeds,” the attribute of conducting oneself in dealingswith people and money matters with greater care than one deals with oneself. Alsolisted is being humble with one’s teachers, rabbis, the wise, and allowing one’spupils to explain things to him.

Humility is seen to have benefits, “. . .humility removes many stumblingblocks from a man’s path and brings him near to many good things; for the humbleman is little concerned with worldly affairs and is not moved to envy by its vanities.Furthermore his company is very pleasant and he gives pleasure to his fellowmen.He is perforce never aroused to anger and to controversy; he does everything quietlyand calmly” (Messilat Yesharim/Siverstein, p. 299).Orhot Tzaddikimregisters,“ . . .a man with the quality of modesty and humility attains all good.” Furthermore,“the modest person is patient, and from patience comes peace,” the modest personhas charm, “as it is said: ‘And He gives grace to the humble [Proverbs3:34]’”(p. 69).




Moreover, “the modest man merits increasing wisdom” (p. 69). “The faultsof a humble person are quickly forgotten because people seek to honor such aperson, and the modest person finds many helpers” (p. 71).

Rabbi Bahya ben Asher, a late thirteenth Century Sephardic kabbalist andethicist, in hisKad Ha-Kemah, commented on the verse inProverbs, “By humilityand the fear of the Lord are riches honor and life [Prov. 22:4],” with calling tomind the verse from theMishna, Avot4:1, “Who is rich?—he who is happy in hisportion is rich” (Kad haKemah, p. 27, col. I). Yaakov Anatoli a thirteenth centurypreacher-philosopher similarly noted, “ If one cannot have what one wants, oneought to want what one has.”10 Want what you already have and you will haveeverything you want.

One modern school of therapeutic technique is that of theCognitivemethod ofAaron Beck and his colleagues. In their references to the treatment of NarcissisticPersonality Disorder, there are sympathetic reverberations with Rabbenu Bahya,Yaakov Anatoli, and other authors of the Jewish Tradition. One is instructed tohelp the patient find, “pleasure in the ordinary,” in the things one already has, aswell as to induce the patient to realize that “everyone has flaws” (Beck, 1990,p. 248).

One of the prerequisites forAnavah, Jewish humility, isYirat Shamayim,“fear/awe of heaven.” Rabbenu Bahya also reminds us of the psalmist’s verse that“fear of heaven is the beginning of wisdom” (Psalms111:10). Therefore,AnavahaccompaniesYirat Shemayim, as in the verse in Proverbs, above, “The reward ofhumility and fear of the Lord. . .” thus, if one achieves these twomiddot, moralqualities, one will be rewarded with wisdom; and, “. . .we learn from this that thequality ofAnavahis great wisdom. . .” (Kad haKemah, p. 27, col. II).

In our own times, Rabbi Louis Jacobs has noted, “greatness and humility, inthe Hebraic tradition are not incompatible with each other” (Jacobs, 1969, p. 108).They compliment each other. “The greater the man the more humble he is expectedto be.” The Rabbis of theMidrasheven spoke of the humility of The Holy One.As one explanation of the strange use of the plural in “Letusmake man [Genesis1:26],” the Sages proposed that The Holy One took counsel with the angels beforeembarking on the endeavor to create man (Genesis Rabbah8:8) He chose a lowlybush from which to address Moses. (Ibid. 2:5). The Talmud finds the “Torah is[also] humble, to be compared with water, because just as water runs downhill, andnot uphill, the word of The Eternal One can only be found in the heart of a humbleman” (Ta’anait 7a). Both Moses and Abraham were viewed in the Midrash ashumble men, byexegetically referring to phrases such as Abraham’s exclamation,“Behold now I have taken upon me to speak unto the Lord, who am but dust and

10Translation from Cohen and Sherwin (1992), p. 19, of Yaakov Anatoli’sMelamed HaTalmidim(Lyck,1866) “Mattot” p. 152b, echoing Solomon ibn Gabriol,The Improvement of the Moral Qualities,Stephen S. Wise, Trans. (New York: Columbia Univ Press, 1901), p. 79; “If it be impossible for aman to have what he desires, he must desire what he has.”



216 Knapp

ashes [Genesis18:27]”; and, “Now the man Moses was very meek, above all themen that were upon the face of the earth [Numbers12:3].” The great man recognizeshis unworthiness in the presence of The Holy One’s wisdom and might. Even theShekhina, the presence on earth of The Eternal One, is said to take the humble path,“ . . . for behold, the Holy One, blessed be He, ignored all the mountains and heightsand caused HisShekhinahto abide upon Mount Sinai [asmallmountain], but didnot elevate Mount Sinai [up to Himself]” (Sotah5a). Likewise, the succeedingverse, “Rabbi Yosef said: Man should always learn from the mind of his Creator;for behold, the Holy One, blessed be He, ignored all the mountains and heightsand caused HisShekhinahto abide upon Mount Sinai, and ignored all the beautifultrees and caused HisShekhinahto abide in a bush.”

Rabbi Louis Jacobs indicates also the important concept in that, “On thedeeper level humility consists not so much in thinking little of oneself as in notthinking of oneself at all—the quality is one of self-forgetfulness, rather thanof self-denigration” (Jacobs, p. 113).Bittul haYesh, self-abnegation, is a conceptfound often in theHaBaD11 type of Hasidic writings. One becomes absorbed inworthy aims for their own sake and merit, and not for the sake and merit of theself. To review psychoanalytic terms, the cathexis of the libido to the self in thiscase is to be directed to objects outside of the self. Recall that he use of meditationin Zen Buddhism, Taoism, and Hinduism also is to this end of emptying the mindof all attachment, especially to the self, in order to achieve liberation, which thenfrees the self to be creative, energized, and ready to do the service of The Other. Inconnection with this effacement of the self, Professor Louis Finkelstein noted, “theremarkable phenomenon of anonymity of utterance in the Bible and in subsequentJewish writings” (Jacobs, p. 115). The prophets never speak in their own names,rather: “Thus says the Lord. . .” The HaBaD teachers, at the other end of thetemporal spectrum of Jewish Literature, liked to quote the verse: “And there wasnot a man to till the ground [Genesis2:5],” saying: “he who is ‘not a man,’ whohas transcended the self, he can make the earth yield all its treasures” (Jacobs,Ibid.).

The hasidicTzaddik, Menahem Nahum of Chernobyl, mentioned earlier, alsoauthored words about this subject ofBittul haYeshin his Me’or Einayimon theTorah portionHaye Sara. He recorded that humility is a removal of pride, to makeroom for The Eternal as thus,

He who wants to live, must cause himself to die. He who wants to draw the true life ofThe Holy One into him that of which it is said: “I dwell with the low and humble of spirit”[Isa.57:15], must first put to death his natural self. . .he must become humble of spirit in hisown eyes. . .But even within humility there are various gradations. . . some people certainlyappear to be humble, and yet The Eternal’s promise is not fulfilled in them. They have nottruly achieved humility.12

11Acronym for: Hochmah-wisdom,Binah-understanding, andDaat-knowledge, which indicates theorientation of this type of Hasidism to study, as opposed to solely ecstatic forms of worship.

12Ibid. p. 39.




Now it is impossible to attain this rung [of allowing theShekhinato dwell within]except by means of humility unto the utmost. . . the closer one draws near to the bright lightof God, the more humble one becomes. . .As long as a person still thinks of himself assomething, he will necessarily have limits, for everything that exists has some limit. TheHoly One cannot dwell in such a person, since He is infinite and without limit, and thatperson is a bounded one. You have to be like the place of the ark, which took up no spaceat all, so fully humbled that you see yourself as nothing, not a being at all. Theyoucan becalled “Nothing” and the Creator who is called “No Limit” or Endless can contract Himselfinto you (Me’or Einayim, p. 39; Green trans., p. 74).

The English word “humility” conjures up to the contemporary mind infantiledependency, social paralysis, and obsequious obedience, a threat to the cherishedvalues of the dignity of man, freedom, basic human rights and efficacy (Steinberg,1987, p. 429). Please bear in mind, as explained above, that we are working withthe Hebrew termAnavah, with the attributes outlined above, not the English word“humility.”

How then does one go about transforming oneself to contain the qualityof Anavah? What are the sages’ therapeutic techniques of making this transi-tion? Once more, the old texts show the way.Mesillat Yesharimdevotes an entirechapter to “ The Ways of Acquiring Humility.” Luzzatto’s opinion was, “Thereare two factors which bring a person to humility—habit and thought” (MesilatYesharim/Siverstein, p. 301). One is to “accustom himself, little by little, to hu-mility by conducting himself with lowliness. . .occupying a humble seat, walkingat the end of the company, and wearing modest garments (i.e., respectable notshowy).” This way, “he will cause humility to enter into his heart and to inhabit ituntil little by little until it has securely embedded itself there.” Being humble inhabit and deeds excludes, “. . .one who attempts to be humble in deeds withoutfirst having cultivated an attitude of humility [and who therefore] belongs to thatclass of wicked deceitful ‘humble’ men which we mentioned previously, that classof hypocrites than which there is nothing more evil in the world” (p. 283).

The use ofthoughtin the acquisition of humility has three factors, accordingto Luzzatto. The first is embodied in the words of Akavia ben Mahalalel (Avot3:1), “Know from whence you came—from a putrid drop; and where you aregoing—to a place of dust worms, and maggots; and before whom you are destinedto give an accounting—before the King of Kings, the Holy One Blessed be He.”One contemplates the lowliness of his beginnings and the return of himself, as allmortals, to be food for maggots in the ground and “all pride will take flight fromhim, never to return” (p. 303).

The second factor is to reflect upon “the variation of circumstances that isproduced by time, and the many changes to which it gives rise,” as presented abovein the excerpt, “Let one consider the vicissitudes of life. . .” and, coincidentally,the RaMHaL enjoins one to review theu’Netaneh Tokef.

The third factor, in acquiring humility of thought is to contemplate one’s ownshortcomings such as how “weak in his performance” he is in his “duties to hiscreator” (p. 305).



218 Knapp

One should, as well, “constantly reflect upon the weakness of human intelli-gence and the many errors and deceits to which it is subject, upon its always beingcloser to error than to true understanding. . .he should be constantly in fear of thisdanger, and seek to learn from all men; he should give ear to advice lest he goastray. . .” ( Ibid.)

One might add to the technique of acquiring humility found inMishnehToraha suggestion of its author, the great twelfth-century philosopher and physi-cian, Maimonides, to contemplate the grandeur and scope of The Holy One’screation: “When a person contemplates The Eternal’s great and wondrous worksand creatures and from them obtains a glimpse of His wisdom which is incompa-rable and infinite. . .and when he ponders these matters, he will recoil affrightedand realize that he is a small creature, lowly and obscure with slight and slenderintelligence. . .” (Mishneh Torah, Sefer haMada, “Hilkhot Yesodei haTorah” 2:1).Even today one can study astronomy, biology, and physics; then, go out and lookat the stars, realizing that each point of light often represents a sun larger than ourown, so far away that even if one could travel at the speed of light, it would takea human lifetime, or more, to reach it, only to find on arrival that a human beingcould not remain alive even at the distance of a million miles from that star. Allvery humbling thoughts.

In the theory of the psychoanalytic therapeutic process, the unconscious barri-ers to progress and change, served up by the internal elements that fear change, arecalled resistances. Rabbi Luzzatto wrote of these, as “the deterrents to humility,”which included “an abundance of the goods of this world and satiation with them.”Also included in this list of “resistances” were, “ignorance and insufficiency oftrue understanding. . .” whereupon he quotedSanhedrin24a, “a sign of pride ispoverty of Torah.” Luzzatto also reminds one that, “We have seen that Moses, thechoicest of men, was the humblest of all men.” A final obstruction to acquiringhumility, found inMesillat Yesharimis, “keeping company with, or being servedby flatterers. . .and since. . .a person’s understanding is insubstantial; and his na-ture weak. . .he falls into the net of pride and is broken.” (Silverstein, p. 308). Toacquire humility, one will therefore, “. . . seek honest friends, who will open hiseyes to what he is blind to and rebuke him with love in order to rescue him fromall evil” (p. 309).

Rabbi Yonah Gerondi, another thirteenth-century Spanish Rabbi, added anapproach to attaining humility, when commenting onPirkei Avot2:18, “and be notwicked in your own esteem,” saying, “If you are wicked in your own eyes, you willnot feel that you are able to turn to repentance (teshuvah), that you are undeservingof repentance and will not try. . .But also do not consider yourself aTzaddik,because as it is said inNiddah30b, ‘each soul before he is born is to take an oath—What is the nature of the oath that it is made to take? Be righteous, and be neverwicked; and even if all the world tells you, ‘you are righteous,’ consider yourself[as] wicked, but not literally wicked. . .but consider yourself as half innocent and




half culpable.’” The Spanish rabbi citedKiddushin30b, “Our Rabbis taught: A manshould always regard himself as though he were half guilty and half meritorious:if he performs one precept, happy is he for weighting himself down in the scale ofmerit; if he commits one transgression, woe to him for weighting himself down inthe scale of guilt, for it is said, but one sinner destroys much good; [i.e.] on accountof a single sin which he commits much good is lost to him” (Perushei RabbenuYonah MeGirondi).

Another treatment of the same verse,Avot2:18, found in the hasidic book,Likkutei Amarim—Tanyaby Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi,13 founder of HaBaDhasidism, is as follows, “. . . if a man considers himself to be wicked, he will begrieved at heart and depressed and will not be able to serve The Eternal Onejoyfully and with a contented heart, ‘each soul before he is born is to take anoath-What is the nature of the oath that it is made to take? Be righteous, and benever wicked; and even if all the world tells you, You are righteous,’ consideryourself wicked [Niddah30b].” Schneur Zalman adds, “Notactuallywicked butas if one was wicked” [because the Hebrew of the verse isk-rasha—aswicked;not justrasha—wicked]. (Tanya, p. 53).

A major theme, however, of the “Alter Rebbe’s” work is involved with the ideathat to cultivate humility a man must consider himself, and strive to be, aBenoni,a term borrowed from the Talmud,Rosh HaShanah16b, found in the passage:

Rabbi Kruspedai said in the name of Rabbi Yohanan: Three books are opened [in heaven]on New Year, one for the thoroughly wicked, one for the thoroughly righteous, and one forthe intermediate. The thoroughly righteous are forthwith inscribed definitively in the bookof life; the thoroughly wicked are forthwith inscribed definitively in the book of death; thedoom of the intermediate is suspended from New Year till the Day of Atonement; if theydeserve well, they are inscribed in the book of life; if they do not deserve well, they areinscribed in the book of death.

TheTanya, itself is subtitled:Sefer Shel Benonim, “The Book of the Intermediates”and it is dedicated to the purpose of leading one to become “an intermediate,” aBenoni, to manage the ego as always regarding oneself as an “intermediate,” whois neither an “all good”Tzaddik, nor an all badRasha(evil person) as inKiddushin30b, above.

Rabbi Schneur Zalman’s psychology of man focused, in part, on the twoNeshamot(souls)14 in man. One soul, “the animal soul,” is rooted in the physical.All the evil characteristics, including anger and pride, stem from it (Tanya, pp. 3–4); yet, “from this soul stems also the good characteristics. . . such as mercy andbenevolence” (p. 5). The second soul “is truly a part of G-d above.” “The abodeof the Divine soul is in the brains. . .” (p. 35).

13White Russia [Belarus], 1745–1813. Known among HaBaD hassidim as the “Alter Rebbe.”14Actually, there was a much more complex hierarchy of gradations and divisions of these souls,

unnecessary for our immediate discussion, in his “psychology” of man.



220 Knapp

In the war between the two souls, the control of the animal soul is achievedin that, “the head shall be permeated with theHaBaD15 of the divine soul, namelythe wisdom of The Holy One and the understanding of Him by pondering on Hisgreat and unfathomable greatness.” “Meditation on G-d and his Torah,” as well asby constantly occupying one’s hands in the performance of the 613mitzvot. Byfollowing this path, one can strive to be aBenoni, overcoming his anger and pridethrough Torah study and observance of themitzvot. Through study of Torah, onewill learn to control anger by conducting “himself towards his neighbor with thequality of kindness and the display of abundant love, to the extent of suffering fromhim to the extreme limits without being provoked, into anger. . .but rather to repaythe offender with favors, as taught in theZohar[1:201a] that one should learn fromthe example of Joseph towards his brothers” (p. 51). Returning us to contemporarypsychoanalytic thinking for a moment, the above could be interpreted as detachingthe cathexis of the libido from the self, allowing for freeing the energies to do the“Godlike” behaviors of compassion, mercy, justice and charity.

The process of being aBenonirequires constant effort. Rabbi Adin Steinsaltzcoins the phrase: “the never ending work of theBenoni,” and writes, “He is in astate of constant conflict between good and evil. The good is in control because hehas struggled to make it so” (1988, p. 85). This is true of all efforts to manage theego. The internal resistances to change are strong and relentless, always lookingfor an opening to return to the old ways. Managing the ego is aprocessand nota static state. The best one can hope for is to habituate oneself to performing thetechniques.

To summarize, Schneur Zalman’s technique to manage the human ego consistsof having the person always regard himself as an “intermediate,” who is neithersaint nor abject sinner, to remember that “dark side” of himself is always there,and that is done by overcoming the dark side, theSitra Achra, with the process ofTorah study and performance ofmitzvotas the method (however imperfectly thatperson can do itbecausehe is mortal).16

Rabbi Jacobs also brings to mind the concept of greatness and humility inbeing “intermediate,” when he records:

TheTorah, says the Rabbis, was given on the lowliest of mountains. True, but it was given ona mountain. To remain in the safety and ease of the valley when mountains are to be climbed,is neither greatness nor humility. To climb the mountain and then survey those down belowwith cold contempt is neither humility nor true greatness. To climb the mountain, and yetgaze on the peaks still unconquered, this is greatness and humility (Jacobs, pp. 116–7).

It is to be admitted that all of the preceding is only a superficial introduc-tion to our subject. Further readings on pride and humility are found through-out the ethical (Musar) literature. Hasidic literature, for example would include

15Recall that this is the acronym for three higher qualities of the Divine Soul, found in kabbalisticliterature:Hochmah-wisdom,Binah-understanding, andDaat-knowledge.

16For further elucidation of thebenoniconcept seeTanya, op. cit., Chapters 1, 12, and 15.




Peleh Yoetzby Rabbi Eliezer Papo, andSefer haMiddotby Rabbi Nachman ofBratslav.

A final note. The liturgy provides the possibility of praying for humility thricedaily. In the final paragraph of theShemoneh Esreiseries of blessings is found,“ . . .To those who curse me, let my soul be silent, and let my soul be as dust toeveryone. . .” (Siddur Kol Yaakov, p. 119). The commentaryRuahHayiminterpretsthis passage as follows, “We should ignore barbs and insults, because the less aperson cares about his prestige, the less he will let selfishness interfere with hisservice of God and his efforts at self improvement” (Ibid.).

SUMMARY

Thus, it can be seen that the management of the “ego” of the narcissist wasaddressed by the authors and sages of the Jewish religious literature, in ways thatstill can be implemented today. One begins removal of pathological pride andabsorption in the self by recognizing it in oneself, motivating oneself to change.This step is to be followed by perceiving the elements of the Jewish view ofhumility, Anavah, and working constantly to develop this quality in oneself. Onestrives forAnavahby doing the following: emptying the Self of “self ” to allowroom for other people, for The Eternal One; being satisfied with what one has,and with what can not be changed, consequently relinquishing envy; realizing thevastness and complexity of creation—that one is only an infinitesimal part of thiscosmos; recognizing anger as self-sabotage, and making no room for it within theself; striving to take pleasure in the ordinary; not comparing oneself to others, nordevaluing them or oneself; maintaining normal self-esteem, not discounting one’sown accomplishments; giving up trying to be righter, smarter, better than othersall the time. It is then one discovers a religious approach to taming pathologicalnarcissism, all to be found in the classic texts of the Jewish Tradition.

REFERENCES

Bahya ben Asher, (1892).Kad HaKemahLemberg [Lvov].Bahya ibn Paquda, (1973).Duties of the Heart, Mansoor, M.M. (trans.) London: Routledge and Kegan

Paul.Cohen, S.J., and Sherwin, B.L. (1992).How To Be A Jew.Northvale, N.J: Jason Aronson Inc.Conrad, P., and Schneider, J. (1980).Deviance and Medicalization, From Badness to Sickness. St. Louis:

Mosby, 1980.Freud, S. “Mourning and Melancholia” (1917).Freud, General Psychological Theory(1963) Phillip

Reiff, (ed.). N.Y.: Collier Books.Green, A. (1982).Menahem Nahum of Chernobyl, Upright Practices, The Light of the EyesRamsey,

N.J.: Paulist Press.Hayim Vital (1967).Sefer Sha’arey KedushaJerusalem: Aravah.Jacobs, L. (1969).Jewish ValuesHartford: Hartmore House.Kernberg, O. “Contemporary Contoversies Regarding the Concept of the Self,” unpublished paper.



222 Knapp

Mahzor HaShalem L’Rosh HaShanah v’Yom Kippur(1979) Birnbaum, P. (ed.) New York: HebrewPublishing Company.

Maimonides, (1981)Mishneh Torah, The Book of Knowledge [Sefer ha-Mada,” Hilkhot YesodeihaTorah”], Hyamson, M., (trans.) Jerusalem: Feldheim Publishers.

Menahem Nahum of Chernobyl (1966).,Me’or EinayimJerusalemMoses Hayim Luzzatto, (1966)Mesillat Yesharim, The Path of the UprightKaplan, M. (trans.)

Philadelphia: Jewish Publication Society.Moses Hayim Luzzatto, (1966, 1990)The Path of the Just—Mesillat Yesharim. Shraga Silverstein,

S. (trans.) New York/Jerusalem: Phillip Feldheim Inc.Nevins, M. (1996).The Jewish Doctor. Northvale, NJ: Jason Aronson.Orhot Tzaddikim, The Ways of the Righteous(1969). Cohen, S.J. (trans.). New York: Feldheim

Publishers.Preuss, J. (1978, 1993).Biblical and Talmudic Medicine. Rosner, F. (trans.) Northvale, NJ: Jason

Aronson.Schneur Zalman of Liadi, (1984)Likkutei Amarim-TanyaMindel, N. (trans.) Brooklyn: Kehot Publi-

cation Society.Siddur Kol Yaakov(1990)RCA Edition Artscroll Siddur, Brooklyn: Mesorah Publications Ltd.Solomon ibn Gabriol, (1901)The Improvement of the Moral Qualities, Wise, S.S. (trans.) New York:

Columbia Univ Press.The Soncino Babylonian Talmud(1973). London: Soncino Press.Steinberg, B, (1987) “Humility.”Contemporary Jewish Religious ThoughtCohen, A. and Mendes-

Flohr, P. (ed.) NY: Chas. Scribner’s Sons.Steinsaltz, A. (1988).The Long Shorter WayNorthvale, N.J.: Jason Aronson.Wolf, E.S. (1988)Treating the SelfNew York: The Guilford Press.Yaakov Anatoli (1866)Melamed HaTalmidimLyck.Yaacov Yosef of Polonye (1876).Ketonet Pasim, “Ki Tissah,” Leshon HasidimLwow.Yonah Gerondi (1969)Perushei Rabbenu Yonah MeGirondi al Mesekhet AvotJerusalem

narcissism, pride, and humility

Documents