napma "the path to leadership"

LeadershipThe Path to

LeadershipLeadershipThe Path toThe Path toThe Path to

CREATING THE LEADERS OF TOMORROW

ByTobyMilroy,NAPMACOO

WithContributingAuthors:

ShihanMikePaceSenseiShawnHarveyJonathanMetcalfMasterRobertBlumRonAchenbachMasterCharlesDudley

The Path to Leadership �

testimonials

Stories From Real Students and Parents Just Like You!

“My son tries to think and act like the black belt he dreams to become one day. He tries to get to know the needs of others and help them meet those needs.”

—Kathy R., De Pere, WI

“I feel that the program is very well organized and disciplined yet still fun for the kids. Erik has become more disciplined and less argumentative. His homework is done correctly with little delay and he seems to be more organized and focused.”

—Gail Cushing

“When my child is at home, they now show respect by, taking cues and realizing when he is not listening. One area Integrity Martial Arts could help my child improve in is I feel Lucas is ready to graduate from small samurai to his white belt. The thing IMA has helped my child the most with is sharpening his karate skills.”

—Michelle Moore, Mother of Lucas Moore

“Since joining leadership, Jenna’s confidence level is really improved. She is not afraid to start conversations with others. She will get up in front of people and talk, when previously she would have been in tears.”

—Mike H., De Pere, WI

“Ethan has more confidence, he has learned to set goals and the instructors have been such great role models for him. He hopes to one day become an instructor like those who he looks up to.”

—Melanie Metzger

“The program is working well for him. In school he is doing much better. Motor skills and confidence have improved greatly.”

—Steven Young

“He clearly loves it! I defi nitely see a future high school employee brewing in him...he went so far as to say in the car the other day after getting his 5th degree...” Mom, I am living my dream! I really feel like I’m different now that I have my 5th degree. I have to be even more of a role model! And to do the Leadership team and to teach the little kids...that is soooo cool!” I couldn’t believe he said “living my dream!!” Even 8 year olds have dreams of goals...go fi gure!”

Kimberly Smith, LCSW, Program DirectorCenter for Human Development Westbrook Services,

mother of Owen, age 8, Junior Black Belt

“Amelia is so much more active and more fi t but most of all she is so much more confi dent.”

—Annie Chen

“Cooper has developed so much more self-confi dence and the program has helped him learn to set goals and work to achieve them.”

—Diana Converse

“We are writing to you to express how happy we are with the positive effect that Pace Institute has had on our two daughters. What we thought would be a short-lived interest has turned into two years of dedicated effort on the part of both girls. While this commitment is do to a real interest in the martial arts, we have no doubt that your school has played a key role in holding their interest in the sport.

The instructional program at your school has been such a benefi t to our daughter Emma. Since she began training at Pace, we have seen an increased level of confi dence, self-esteem and self-discipline, in addition to the physical skills that she continues to develop.

Our daughter Jill’s coordination and physical endurance has increased dramatically and her improved sportsmanship makes us proud. We are grateful for your outstanding facility and have enjoyed watching Emma and Jill progress under your instruction and the efforts of your commendable staff of instructors.k”

—Cynthia & Adam Dempsey, Sparta, NJ

“I have seen tremendous growth in Daniel in the areas of leadership and social skills. He has become more assertive and outgoing…especially with peers and adults.”

—Karen R. – De Pere, WI

more stories from real stUdents and Parents maY be foUnd on Page 117.

Leadership

LeadershipThe Path to

LeadershipLeadershipThe Path toThe Path toThe Path to

CREATING THE LEADERS OF TOMORROW

ByTobyMilroy,NAPMACOO

WithContributingAuthors:

ShihanMikePaceSenseiShawnHarveyJonathanMetcalfMasterRobertBlumRonAchenbachMasterCharlesDudley

The Path to LeadershipBy Toby Milroy, NAPMA COO

With Contributing Authors

Shihan Mike PaceSensei Shawn Harvey

Jonathan MetcalfMaster Robert Blum

Ron AchenbachMaster Charles Dudley

Published by the National Association of Martial Arts Professionals © Copyright 2010 NAPMA. All Rights Reserved.

Find us on the World Wide Web at: www.NAPMA.com

Reproduction or translation of any part of this work beyond that permitted by Section 108 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act without permission of the copyright owner is unlawful. No part of this publicatiion may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the express written permission of the pubisher. Printed in the United States of America. Requests for permission or further information should be addressed to the National Association of Martial Arts Professionals, 2578 Enterprise Road, Suite 344, Orange City, Florida 32763.

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional services If legal aadvice or other professional assistance is required, the services of a competent person should be sought.

— From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Punlshers and Associations


table of Contents

Acknowledgements . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7

Preface . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9

Chapter 1: What is a Professional School, and Why is it Important? by Toby Milroy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13

Chapter 2: Who Are You or Your Children Surrounded By? by Toby Milroy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .23

Chapter 3: The Real Mission of Martial Arts Training Character Training, by Toby Milroy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .25

Chapter 4: PMA—Positive Mental Attitude: The Power of Positive Thinking, by Toby Milroy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .39

Chapter 5: Commitment to Goal Setting, by Sensei Shawn Harvey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .55

Chapter 6: Is Your Child a High School Dropout Waiting to Happen? by Jonathan Metcalf . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .67

Chapter 7: Confidence, by Robert Blum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .75

Chapter 8: Teamwork, by Ron Achenbach . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .83

Chapter 9: Self Esteem, by Charles Dudley . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .93

About the Authors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .103

Testimonials: Stories From Real Students and Parents Just Like You! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .107

Special FREE Gift From Your Instructor . . . . . . . . . . . 119

� The Path to Leadership


aCknowledgements

All of the authors of this book are eternally grateful for the dramatic positive influence the Martial Arts has had on all of their lives.

All are lifelong Martial Artists, and will continue to push themselves to overcome new obstacles, and achieve new goals in their lives, careers, families and communities.

This, above all, is the greatest lesson of the Martial Arts.

� The Path to Leadership


PrefaCe

I want to congratulate you on the wise decision you have made to entrust the martial arts education of your child and/or yourself to the owner of this school. The martial arts professional who owns and operates this

educational facility is a member of the National Association of Martial Arts Professionals (NAPMA). That means he is one of the most highly trained and qualified instructors of martial arts in the country.

Our co-authors for this book, Ron Achenbach, Mike Pace, Robert Blum, Charles Dudley, Shawn Harvey, and John Metcalf are true experts in their field, and long time members of NAPMA and some of the finest human beings it has been my privilege to work with in my position as Chief Operating Officer of this professional association.

Not only are these men trained in the martial arts to advanced degrees, they are also trained and certified as martial arts and character development educators. Additionally, they have training in educational methods as well as business management. This means they run a professional business and use a curriculum that combines the traditional benefits of martial arts instruction with modern teaching modalities.

They are also members of the NAPMA Inner Circle and that makes them the best of the best. They have made a commitment to continued education not only for themselves, but their staff as well. Your martial arts instruction is in the hands of a true master.

This book has been written to explain to students and parents the depth of benefits that martial arts training bring to their lives. There is so much more the kicks and punches involved in the martial arts. Traditionally, this kind of training has included character development and leadership training. It was a sacred honor to be chosen for this kind of training and it can with a responsibility to use it for a higher purpose to serve your fellow human beings.

With the popularity of the Mixed Marital Arts fad, there is so much misinformation about what the martial arts are all about. The kind of instruction my co-authors offer in their programs is why I call them true masters in their field. We are taking this opportunity with this book to explain the true nature and benefits of martial arts instruction. I wanted to introduce them first before I explain why NAPMA matters to you, so you know the kind of people they really are.

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What is NAPMA and Why It Matters to You

The National Association of Professional Martial Artists is the standard keeper for the martial arts industry and that is why a parent should only consider training in a professional school that is a NAPMA member. Adult students may have other options that I will explain in a moment, but very few will meet the standards of a NAPMA member school. This association is to the field of martial arts instruction what the AMA is for physicians, or the Bar Association for attorneys.

NAPMA maintains the HIGHEST professional standards for its members and the industry, including the highest code of ethics and business practices. Because there are, unfortunately, no federal or state regulatory agencies for martial arts instruction, our members have voluntarily set themselves apart from other instructor by submitting to these standards and guidelines set by NAPMA. The contributors to this book are the best of the best and we are proud of their long-term association with our organization.

To be a member at the level of the NAPMA Inner Circle, as are the co-authors of this book, you must comply with all state and federal requirements for ethical business practices. You must have complete dedication to customer satisfaction and respond to any complaints quickly and respectfully.

These members and the instructors at this facility are trained in CPR and have first aide certifications in addition to the extensive training required by their particular martial art.

These members, as well as their instructors, have cleared criminal background checks and have on-going training. Those are just the basics. They have also been trained in safety management, age appropriate instruction based on specific developmental needs at certain stages of developmental. They have on-going training and support in ethical and efficient business management.

The six people who have helped contribute to this book have really taken seriously the customer and the student rather than focusing just on kicks and punches. I am sorry to say that there are an awful lot of people in the martial arts community who teach their style the way they were taught whether it was good, bad or indifferent. In many cases, it’s overly aggressive and sometimes downright abusive.

To the professional martial artist, what is really important is the character

The Path to Leadership ��

of a person, the ability to set a vision for your life, the ability to demonstrate leadership and to contribute in a positive way to the world around you. NAPMA supports all this by educating the martial arts instructor in how to be a clear communicator and a master teacher as well as a master in their style of martial arts. They study and learn through our process how to identify the learning styles of a student and set goals for each individual.

We support our members with bi-annual conventions, coaching calls special business boot camps and continuing education and constant recertification of teaching methodologies. These gatherings are not for the martial arts enthusiast, but are restricted to professionals in the industry.

At a NAPMA school, you know the owner and their instructors are trained to be a master of his art and a master teacher. The contributors of this book have gone one step further and become master of ethical martial arts business practices as well.

Our Inner Circle members have made that commitment to their ongoing education not only for themselves, but also for their staff members and that then translates down to their student. The truth is, to be a professional martial arts instructor requires more years of training and education than a doctor or a lawyer. That’s why I compare our association with the AMA or the Bar Association. The practice of martial arts at this level is a lifetime commitment to learning and to training the next generation of leaders.

As a parent or family enrolled in this school, you can be thankful you found one of the best of the best in Professional School. They are the true experts in their field. We feel that it is important for you to understand all of the benefits of martial arts and the extraordinarily positive impact it can have on your life.

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ChaPter 1

What is a Professional School, and Why is it Important?

The Three Categories of Martial Arts Training

By Toby Milroy, NAPMA COO

There are three primary categories of martial arts training and the focus of martial arts schools. The first is the hardcore self-defense type. What this type tries to accomplish with its students to simply

feel safer walking down the street. With a couple of weeks of instruction, students feel empowered with a small number of basic self defense techniques.

The second type of school is the sport type. This instruction spends most of the instructional time training students to become good competitors. They focus the majority of their energy on tournament preparation and participation.

The third type of training and where NAPMA members belong, is the professional martial arts school. These professional instructors operate schools focused on a more holistic program for their students. I use the word instructor because these professional instructors have dedicated their lives to becoming professional educators. I use the word trainer for sport and self-defense types because in many cases, those trainers have not.

Instructors use a well-researched curriculum that combines traditional training with modern instructional techniques to teach age appropriate self-defense skills and essential life success skills. These life success skills include goal setting and attainment, positive self-talk, leadership skills, and character development, self-confidence building life practices, focus skills, and authentic self-esteem. All of this is traditionally part of martial arts training under a true master of the art.

In some cases, Professional School also gives the student age appropriate experience with supervised, individual competition. These are tournaments and not all out competitions.


Professional Schools are dedicated to the continual education of their instructors and staff, and are members NAPMA. Parents and families typically find tremendous value in these education programs that reinforce these powerful character and success skills in a transformational experience for both their children, and often for themselves!

In reality, 99.9% of all martial arts students in the world never actually have to physically defend themselves. What they do is make use of the other, important skills that have been a part of traditional martial arts education for centuries. Professional Schools have adapted these philosophies for modern educational practices. Our students develop superior social skills that translate into the ability to handle themselves in any situation.

Under a master teacher, our students use their common sense not to put themselves in harm’s way. They use their self-confidence and self-esteem to walk away from a conflict and distance themselves from potentially dangerous situations and negative influences. They use their negotiation skills when a conflict cannot be avoided. Fighting is always a last resort after every other avenue has been exhausted. In sports and self-defense schools, fighting is taught as the first option.

The real enemy our students face in the world today is their own negative predisposition to destructive self-talk and most important, negative influences. With the over-crowded, budget constrained public school systems having

limited resources to support families, the professional martial arts classroom has an unmatched ability to teach valuable life success skills to children and adults alike. With so much negativity and destructive influences bombarding children on a daily basis, martial arts training offers the most effective counter to this and on-going support to families.

With the sports training style of martial arts, the focus is on competition and winning. The top 15% of the athletically gifted students get the attention from the instructor. That means 85% of the students aren’t really getting the full value that they could get from a professional martial arts school. The extremely violent sport of MMA is an example of sports training.

In open karate competitions, as with other sports, the top 12 people

“Traditional organized sports don’t build character, they simply weed out the people who don’t have it.

—Vince LombardiLegendary Coach of the

Green Bay Packers


end up competing over and over. When I watch competitions, I am always reminded of Vince Lombardi who said traditional sports programs don’t build character. They simply weed out the ones that don’t have it. That’s what sports training does. It weeds out students who are not natural athletes, sweeping them aside to make more resources available for the natural competitor. The goal of the training program is to win, not to instruct students.

At a Professional School, it’s not about “weeding” out the weak ones; it’s about helping those who do have challenges that need to be overcome. Overcome those obstacles and you build confidence and boost self-esteem for a lifetime. At the same time, we take those students who already have a healthy level of self-esteem and self-confidence and start putting them in a leadership role that can help expand them even further.

Sports training is not for self-defense. Out on the street, you would never want to go to the ground on the concrete with someone as student are trained to do for competition. If you do that on the street, the attacker may pick-up a pipe or throw a trashcan at you. Or, worst case, pull a gun while you are lying on the ground. Sports karate and MMA kind of falls into that category. The benefits of sport karate are that you learn to compete and become a good competitor and there is good value in that if you plan to become a professional fighter, but that is not for most students. Unfortunately, a non-athlete in a sports training program is a very poor fit. The confidence and self-esteem never comes the message is reinforced over and over: You are not the top 15%.

Self-defense training is usually conducted by a part-time instructor with no professional training in teaching methods who working without a curriculum. He is teaching what he was taught in the way he learned. He is not equipped to teach any student who does not match his style of learning exactly. While this instructor is probably doing it with the best intentions, he has simply not made the commitment to become a master teacher that a NAPMA member has.

What the professional school does is teach realistic self-defense techniques that are applicable in a real environment. These skills include negotiation and avoidance skills as well as the fighting techniques. We teach how to be a gracious winner and good loser understanding the true value of competition. The focus is not only on the athletes but also the non-athletes. We teach the ones that are not gifted, natural competitors and turn them into the leaders of the next generation and the people of good character who are the backbone of our society - people like the owner of this school.

Frankly, from the professional school perspective, the athletic piece of martial arts is only a tool to acquire the larger, more life-expanding benefits. Professional Schools take these benefits very seriously. The tool of martial

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arts instruction becomes the facilitator, to accomplish the higher values that are traditionally associated with this kind of training.

Professional school owners like the contributors to this book have a kind of passion for their work that few people experience in their career. We love what we do and we work very hard to do it well.

Styles of Learning

As any parent will attest, children learn by seeing, hearing and doing. Every parent marvels at how little ones mimic what they see or hear. One of the biggest advantages to professional martial arts school instruction and one NAPMA helps facilitate, is understanding these styles and using them to the individual student’s fullest advantage.

Professional Schools like this one, have instructors trained in modern, advanced educational methodology and age appropriate teaching strategies. This experience in using this learning process helps students overcome obstacles building self-confidence and self-esteem.

In general, children (and adults) learn, through three primary senses, and can be generally categorized as:

Visual LearnersAuditory LearnersKinesthetic Learners

The visual learners learn by seeing someone do something or by reading. The auditory learners typically learn by hearing instruction, focusing on the details and trying to perform the task themselves. Kinesthetic learners actually interact with the process and use neurological processes called muscle memory and body mapping to learn.

Our body and brain working together remembers what we learn much better than what we just hear or see. That is why martial arts instruction is so important and much better than conventional sports at supporting educational goals and character development. Obviously, a person will use all their senses to experience their world, and to learn and practice new skills, but most will favor one over the others.

Students, whether a child or adult, can make such dramatic improvements in focus, concentration, impulse control, self-confidence, self-esteem and physical performance through martial arts, in part, because the instructor(s) identify which style a student favors. We focus on using that modality with that particular student. A professional instructor will teach a group of students using all 3 learning styles, meeting each student at their own level and supporting them in their efforts to grow and expand.

•••


Often, after observing the instructors, we have parents come back to us and say they learned to be a better communicator with their son or daughter because they now understand how he or she learns. They see how we break down a new skill to use the auditory and visual and kinesthetic learning style to absorb information. Then they go home to try the same thing only to discover that it works!

Experiential Learning

The ultimate “secret” to making such a significant positive impact on a child or adult’s self-confidence and self-esteem is this experiential learning process. We learn best by doing. Experiences are more real to us than any fact learned in a book or gleaned from a lecture.

Professional martial arts schools design their programs and classes specifically to provide their students the experiences required to build their character, and reinforce a positive attitude as they learn the self-defense skills. The only way to become more confident, is by experiencing successes. Your self-esteem increases only when you overcome obstacles to experience victories. No text book, or seminar has the ability to provide these experiences with as much impact as the modern professional martial arts classroom.

The professional martial arts school skillfully orchestrates its classes to effectively reach each student using these methods to create a truly experiential learning environment. Because martial arts are an experiential learning process and not just a lecture, teaching things like focus, self-esteem, self-confidence and character development is a natural fit. We physically display the techniques, practice them and learn how to overcome obstacles in perfecting them. We set a long-term goal, breaking that goal down into short-term challenges and then breaking those down further into daily tasks.

Experiential learning is a well-known model in education. Kolb’s


Experiential Learning Theory (Kolb, 1984) defines experiential learning as “The process whereby knowledge is created through the transformation of experience. Knowledge results from the combination of grasping and transforming experience.”

Learning begins with an experience that the student has had. Let’s say a difficult punch-kick combination. The student reflects on that experience or thinks about how it felt, how well he did, or the parts he needs to improve. Then students may conceptualize or draw conclusions about what they experienced. He may think about how it fits with his next belt requirements or even fantasize about heroically defending his family against an attacker! The final stage is active experimentation or combining this new skill with different behaviors. He may practice it with other moves and try to perfect the pattern. This starts the cycle over as students have new experiences based on their experimentation. The steps of this process may occur in nearly any order.

Experiential Learning is such a successful process for developing character and life skills because:

The goal of experiential learning involves something personally significant and meaningful to the student.Students are fully engaged, both mentally and physically in the lesson.

•

•

Kolb’s Cycle of Experiential Learning


Opportunities for students to discuss and reflect on their experiences, and physically engage in the new skill are ongoing throughout the process.The whole person is involved, not just their intellect, but all their senses, their feelings and their personality.Professional instructors establish a strong bond of trust, respect, openness, and concern for the well-being of the students.

Parental Support

Parents can add so much to the program by supporting the lessons at home. I’ll give you an example from the character development program.

A martial arts student at this school will have regular homework assignments that apply to the character development taught during class. Parents are encouraged to support these lessons at home. I’ll give you an example. When Johnny learns the lesson about focus, he learns the four rules of concentration: focus the eyes, ears, mind and body. This means look at the person while they are talking and focus your eyes on them. So if mom is in the kitchen and tries to talk to Johnny while he is playing video game, he pauses his game and makes direct eye contact with mom while she is talking. This is a demonstration of that focus skill so then he has earned that part of his homework assignment for the evening.

Parents can help by getting the student to classes on time and checking that they do their assignments. While we teach it’s the student’s responsibility to complete their assignments, we encourage parents to support this and when necessary, a gentle reminder may help.

Remember that the instructor is always here to support the parent, too. If you are having problems getting your child to cooperate at home, bring it to the attention of the instructor. He or she will also reinforce your parenting goals in your child’s program. Respect for one’s parents is a primary lesson of the martial arts.

The Mastermind Effect

Not only are the public schools overcrowded, under-funded and in many cases actually failing in the mission of educating students, they are now focused on these standardized tests that are part of the No Child Left Behind Act. Schools now place a low priority on any kind of education that is not on the test and that includes essentials like social skills and character development. The martial arts classroom fills this important role through

•

•

•

20 The Path to Leadership

the experiential learning process and also with the Mastermind Effect. The Mastermind Effect occurs when a person is surrounded by other

people who are on the same journey as the student and becomes connected to the goals and purpose of the group. When you are surrounded by 20-50 students who are all setting their goal for earning a black belt; who are all overcoming obstacles on a daily basis; that are struggling through the tough times, that Mastermind Effect really has an impact. The goals, purpose, focus and principles of the group, become those of the individual.

A great example of the Mastermind Effect in practice is Weight Watchers. It’s the number one most successful weight loss strategy ever devised by man. It’s not the diet, although that’s an important part of it,

the real secret to the success of that system is that it surrounds people who are overweight with other people that are in the same boat. They can share success stories, challenges and solutions to problems. Certainly it’s the most productive environment that I’ve ever studied that can move someone from point A to point B quickly and directly.

If the social group surrounding a person is a negative experience, we call that peer pressure. It is essentially the Mastermind Effect with a negative or destructive mind

set. When carefully guided by a trained, professional role model, like the instructors in this school, the Mastermind Effect has a powerful impact on a person. It is particularly powerful for children.

In a science class when you are taking a test, you are supposed to be quiet and take the exam as an individual with no group interaction. In a professional martial arts school, each individual becomes an important part of the group. The group supports and encourages each individual to be their best and rise to the standard of the group. The social environment professional school owners create in their classrooms establishes higher standards for character development than other youth activity. We train for this and give it a high priority.

I’ll tell you a story to illustrate my point. My former business partner has

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a six year-old daughter that has had a few months of cheerleading lessons. One day my friend said to his daughter, “Let’s invite your friend, Suzie to go to the park with us tomorrow.” Suzie is a favorite playmate of his daughter, but she replied, “No Daddy. we don’t play with Suzie anymore because she is not popular.”

What does a six year-old know about popularity? They don’t. After just a few months of exposure to this situation, she was modeling the behavior of the people of her social environment. Surrounded by teenage girls, ages 11-13, the 6 year-old began to adopt the principles and goals of the group. Unfortunately, girls this age can use social pressure negatively unless they are closely supervised and instructed in appropriate social and character skill. The instructors in this activity have no training in character development or how to teach it or even how to establish social standard in group dynamics.

If you go to a youth baseball or soccer game you see kids run around and they are having a great time in a generally unfocused environment. In a martial arts classroom it’s very different. While we still have a lot of fun, the students have all chosen to be on a journey together to increase their focus, self-esteem, and self-confidence. That is a much different environment than just going to hit a ball around the field for awhile. Professional martial arts instructors train to be mentors and how to establish a social structure that is based in the Mastermind Effect, that is the use of social interaction for positive growth and purpose.

If you are a seven year-old with a bit of a focus problem, probably the worst thing I can do for you is have you in a classroom with other seven year olds that have focus problems, too. But, what if I put you in a classroom with 7,8,9 and 10 year-old students who are all practicing focus skills. They are learning how focus affects the way they interact with the world around them. They learn that good focus leads to feeling better about themselves, in other words, higher self-esteem. That is probably the most productive environment I can think of for you.

We are all products of social network we model. The people that we surround ourselves with — and these professional martial arts school owners have orchestrated — is creating a positive environment using the strategy of the Mastermind Effect. These positive peers are all on the same journey.

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ChaPter 2

Who Are You or Your Children Surrounded By?

Professional Role Models

NAPMA supports the specialized training of martial arts instructors to be positive role models for the next generation. There is no other part of our job that we take more seriously than modeling

appropriate behavior, standards and character for the next generation. Instructors like the NAPMA member who owns this school is a shining example of rock solid self-esteem and unshakable self-confidence.

These folks that have earned their 2nd, 3rd, or 4th degree black belts and have become certified instructors. They know that they can accomplish virtually anything. They have gone through a training process that has taught them the true capacity for human accomplishment and they have been imbued with the success mentality and how to teach those skills to children.

Professional school owners and their staff members are full-time instructors. They are not just part-time trainers working a day job then doing this as a hobby for a couple of hours at night. Now those people are great and they love what they do, but they do not have the additional training in educational psychology, child development or proper instruction pedagogy.

The owner of this school is here because of his passion and commitment to developing the character of the next generation of children. He wakes up in the morning excited about his work and spends every minute devoted to operating a quality program that inspires students to reach a little higher that they thought they could.

I’m proud to say that what our NAPMA school owner-members have accomplished with their lives is the ability to show students what their true capabilities are. Our students learn how to excel and really push themselves beyond what they thought was their limitations. We show student how to set new, higher expectations for themselves and reach them! Taking those students struggle and really help them become that “A” student and or


exceptional leader, is an experience we devote our lives to accomplish. What better job is there?

The Typical Student

In a professional martial arts school, there is no typical student. Unlike other sports programs, we do not “weed out” anyone. Every student is treated as an individual at different levels of skill and ability. NAPMA member schools have had hundreds of thousands of students who have gone through our programs and there is no average.

Every student who walks in the door, whether they are a high performing athlete or a child heroically meeting the challenges of severe ADD, is treated as a winner who can and will meet the goals they set for themselves. We have had students with pediatric bipolar disorder, students in the autism spectrum and many who have had childhood obesity or diabetes. You name it, we have included them into our programs and helped them meet their goals.

Here is an example of how we do it: There is no universal standard for how many push-ups you have to do. We start at day one with what a student can do and build from there. If a student, Bobby, can only do one push up, our objective for that student is to expand what those limits to two then three.

We don’t focus on keeping up with Johnny who started with the ability to do 500 push-ups. In actuality it is a lot easier for Johnny to do 501 push-ups than it is for Bobby to do his 3. The great thing about martial arts is because it is so completely individualized both students are recognized for the extra effort. Bobby, the student who is ignored or brushed aside as not being worth the effort because he lacks athletic skills, we make sure that student gets the same recognition for his effort as the superior athlete. Often, this is the first time a student has ever been acknowledged for his hard work by a teacher.

At Professional School, instructors have mastered the art of identifying a student’s strengths and their weaknesses. They set challenges based on the individual abilities of each student. The personal development journey that we are all on in martial arts is to improve and build on our weaknesses making them strengths.

There is no clear delineation between who is typical or mainstream and who is a special needs student. Everyone has special needs when they walk in the door. Everyone has individual abilities, skills sets and challenges. The martial arts process is about identifying what they are and helping the student expand them.


ChaPter 3

The Real Mission of Martial Arts Training Character Training

By Toby Milroy, NAPMA COO

It’s extremely important to understand that, for better or for worse, all of us are a product of social pressures. All of us have had experiences in the past that influence how we handle situations in the future.

Certainly the debate rages on about heredity versus environment. In reality, both play a factor. What we know is absolutely true is that the people you choose to surround you, the people that you spend the most time with are the people who you’re going to end up becoming. Whether it’s good or bad, that’s the fact.

The challenge for us as parents and as responsible members of society is to explore how we can create an environment that these children can excel in, that surrounds them with positive people who are dedicated, focused, committed to accomplishing their goals and who are learning the process to accomplish those goals as they move.

Part of parenting is to prepare your child to be financially self-supporting as an adult. Let’s do a little experiment. If you look around at the 10 people who surround you, I’ll bet you that you will see that you’re about the average of those 10 people. Another way to put that is, if you hang around 10 people who are prison inmates or nearly prison inmates you’re probably find yourself in residence at one of those facilities in a few years, maybe sooner.

What happens in a professional martial arts school is a one-two punch. Punch number one is you’re surrounding children and adults with a positive peer group, the Mastermind Effect. This group is focused on accomplishing

“You’ll become the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”

—Jim Rohn

2� The Path to Leadership

the same goals. At the same time you’re giving them the confidence, and the skills, and the vocabulary to defend their own psyche from those who would mean to do them harm, even if it’s unintentionally.

I think it’s instructive many times to look at the worst case scenario. If we were to take a child and put them into an environment of absolutely zero level of commitment or goals, if they just literally watched television all day, or if they were in an environment that walled them off from society and all they did was play all day long without a minute’s care about the outcome of what they do: If you did that, we all know we wouldn’t want the outcome. We all know the outcome would be terrible.

So what we need to be thinking is how do we surround this child with positive role models and positive mentors and positive social proof, social pressure, that moves them in the right direction, rather than the wrong.

Creating a Vision

I would guess that the average 10 year-old, or 12 year-old, doesn’t fully understand what creating a vision for themselves, their future, their success or their lives really means. They certainly don’t understand how vital it is to plot a course now, and not wait until it’s too late to establish positive success skills. For them vision means they can see through their glasses or they can look out the window.

Creating a vision for life, creating a plan for success, creating an objective for what they want to accomplish with their time, with their life, is just such a big concept for someone to be exposed to at such a young age. It’s so important though that it happens.

Anthony Robbins, one of the world’s most successful, influential personal development coaches and speakers, describes how dangerous it is to fail to create a powerful, motivating vision early in life, and sternly warns against the Niagara Syndrome.

The Niagara Syndrome can be described as if you’re in a canoe, floating down the river and everything is just fine. You don’t really have to paddle too hard at all. The current is just kind of taking you where it wants to take you and you’re fine with that. Suddenly, you wake up and you’re fifteen feet from Niagara Falls! You frantically pick up the paddle and start trying to row for the shore, but, it’s too late. You’ll never make it.

Now if you had started to paddle towards the shore a mile or so back, it wouldn’t have taken much effort at all and you’d have landed right on the target, where your objective was.

In a professional martial arts program, we guide students in creating a


vision for their lives by helping them learn to look down the river and say, “Okay, where is it that I want to be? What is my objective? What is it that I’m trying to accomplish with my training, with my life, with my career, with all of that?”

Now is the time to start paddling so that you don’t have to realize that you’re going to fall over the edge of the Falls when it’s too late.

The Opportunity in Failure is Learning Success Skills

Warren Buffet, the second wealthiest man in the world until he gave away most of his money to the Bill Gates Foundation, says it this way, “In your lifetime you are going to fail a lot more times than you are going to succeed. It is all about what you do after that failure that makes the difference.”

The processes designed into a professional martial arts program are all about helping students understand that failure is a temporary setback. Success is the long term process. Success is the journey that never ends and it begins by learning how to fail and try again. One of the master skills of success is counting all of your successes. Write all of your successes in stone and write all of your failures in dust. When the wind comes by, the stone remains, but the dust is gone. This is the essence of success skills.

Bill Gates doesn’t stop going to work because he has enough money. He has achieved an extraordinary level of personal success, but he loves what he does. He has applied his life to his passion and if we could inspire all of our students to do that, they will never work a day in their life. What they would really be doing is pursuing their passion every day of their life. Incidentally that describes all of the contributors to this book and me, as well.

NAPMA member schools have students who have gone on to Harvard, Yale, the Air Force Academy and West Point. They become leaders of men, leaders of their community and committed public servants. Whether your

“Look, I don’t have enough fingers, toes or buttons on my calculator to count the number of mistakes I’ve made. The reason that I’m more successful than perhaps the person next to me is because I’ve been willing to try again. And it didn’t matter to me how many mistakes I made, it only mattered to me how many success I had.”

—Warren Buffet


vision is to be CEO of a company or a lawn service provider, the process of learning success skills is what defines your sense of who you are. No matter what a person has pursued as a career, whether they are in charge of 100 people in a company or 10,000 people in a company or no one, success is about learning to def ine your place in the universe.

Learning how to interact in the world and whether or not the world is either improved by your contribution, speaks to the kind of character a person has. The objective in learning success skills is this: How do I leave the planet a better place? How do I contribute to the lives of other people? How do I use what I am most passionate about to create a place in the world that benefits me and others?

One of the exercises I have used with older students and is often used in NAPMA member schools is to ask: How do you want your life to be remembered? The point of the exercise is to encourage students to start asking those tough questions about what they want their life to mean. What do they stand for in the world?

Learning to define your place in the world, to stand for something, to have your life mean something, is the truest definition of success. It is far

more valuable than wealth or status, not that there is anything wrong with either of those things. Success is when you are living the life you have chosen for yourself to the standards you have set. The

rewards tend to follow if you are living the vision you create for yourself.Martial art students feel, like they’ve accomplished something significant

because they have. That is a lesson that is carried with them throughout their life. Our students learn that they can - and do - have a tremendously positive impact on their community, their families, peers, and environment. That really does inspire a child or adult to experience that kind of personal power. It motivates them to be an excellent student, not just settling for average. Being your personal best is part of success.

Commitment to Excellence

The National Association of Martial Arts Professionals spends a significant part of our resources studying the educational process from preschool all the way to post-graduate education. One of the things our research has taught us is that the most desirable Ivy League universities, Harvard for example,

“If you would hit the mark, you must aim a little above it.”

—Henry Wadsworth Long fellow


have a success formula that starts with really good raw material. They have a rigorous selection process for their students. The pre-qualification process for their students virtually ensures that they’re going to have the cream of the crop.

That’s the culture they’ve created and we’ve emulated their model for our member schools with the program facilitation, the standards for instructors and structuring a positive social environment. Another component of a professional program is the dedication to constant and never-ending improvement. Being a martial arts professional means you become a student for life and NAPMA members have a higher commitment to “great” never settling for just “good”.

That’s exactly the attitude that students in one of our schools are taught. They learn that the number of failures we have is irrelevant, the only thing that matters is the number of the successes we create for ourselves. If Warren Buffet is right, and my experience tells me he is, you only have to be right a few more times than you are wrong, It’s the willingness to get back up and try again that separates the folks who get to the level of excellence and the folks who don’t.

The pursuit of excellence is a tremendously valuable lesson for a student to learn, and if you are thinking about martial arts as just kicking and punching, it’s a benefit that may escape your initial analysis. If I’m a parent or an adult student and what I really interested in learning is how to defend myself or maybe fitness, I may not see that there’s a much bigger picture here. There’s much more benefit to participating in a program like the one at this school.

A commitment to excellence is really about how do we serve ourselves better, how do we spend our lives, how do we serve our community better, and how do we serve something that’s greater than we are.

Professional school owners teach students that any failure along the way simply is a zig zag path to success. There is no straight line to success. The willingness to stay with problems longer than most people is the key to excellence because failures are an opportunity to perfect and learn the best way to do something. The only true failure is in never trying. The successful people in life are the ones that no matter what happens and how many times they fail, they change their approach and try again. This trial and error teaches us how to be better than we were before, better than we ever imagined we could become.

“I’m not really that smart, I just stay with problems longer than most people are willing to.”

—Albert Einstein


I remember reading a book one time about Donald Trump. He was walking down the street in NY during the last recession in 1991-1992. He was walking with his finance and there was a homeless man sitting in the entryway of the building. As they walked by and he nudged her and said, “That guy right there is $32 billion richer than I am.” At that time Trump was in the negative $32 billion. Well no one, me included, thought he would stay down. Eventually he turned his situation around by refusing to stop with failure.

Failure is not permanent. It is just one more thing we tested that didn’t work. Excellence is learning that we simply need to change our approach and try again until we get it right.

Completing Our Goals

One of the big problems in our society right now is that so many people have never learned how to stick with a challenge until they have completed it or mastered it. We see this fear of mastery in the martial art instruction business every day.

Children flip from one activity to the next to the next and really never learn the value of being committed to something long enough to truly master

it. To build solid self-esteem, children must learn mastery. Professional instructors of martial arts understand that if a student goes all the way through the program, from white to black belt. They

experience that mastery and they learn to make that the standard for the rest of their life. We also know that there isn’t a single student who goes through our program that never says, “Man this is really tough. I can’t do this. I don’t think I want to try anymore.”

If this student’s parents are in the habit of saying, “Okay, if it’s just too tough for you, we will move on to something else,” then this child will never have the opportunity to learn mastery.

When parents allow children to quit when things get hard, they have lowered the bar on expectations. They have unintentionally agreed with their child that he is weak and unable to meet challenges. Even if they smooth it over by moving on to another activity, they give them this false sense of accomplishment or false self esteem of “trying something new.”

Professional school owners have designed their curriculum to challenge students, but they teach to the individual. They ask nothing of a student

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 1000 ways NOT to make a light bulb.”

—Thomas Edison


that he or she cannot accomplish. They teach students at their level of ability to be in a constant progression of achievement. As the student moves through the process, the goals become more and more challenging no matter how physically gifted or physically challenged the student may be. These challenges are all going to be at a level appropriate to the student.

No one goes all the way through to black belt at these Professional Schools thinking to themselves it was pretty easy and let’s move onto to the next thing. But once they do complete the program, they know with absolute certainty that mastery is something they will always want to be a part of their life.

The Mind-Body Connection

I deal with martial arts school owners from all around the world - thousands of them. One of the things that I find very rarely, but is extremely important and the mark of a great instructor the like contributors to this book, is you can’t just train the body without training the mind. The mind controls everything.

We’ve all heard that a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, using that visualization and finding images that create that conversation, those thousand words that are inside someone’s head are enormously important. What you’re really doing is you’re helping a student to think more optimistically. A professional program helps a student think in a way that’s more productive for them rather than counterproductive.

Most students, unfortunately, are inundated by negative messages all day long - most human beings are. The news is out there telling us about all the doom and gloom in the world. We’re constantly told how bad of a job we’re doing, how many failures we’ve had, how many difficult times we’ve had, we’re constantly being bombarded by these negative messages, and being able to use positive imagery that will really inspire and motivate us is so important to be able to accomplish these type of goals.

There are two really good reasons for developing the martial arts of the mind, or positive self-talk. Reason number one: If a child is only self-absorbed; if they live in a bubble protected from disappointments; If the majority of their mental energy and focus is consumed with “what is in it for me”; They become more egocentric and have lots of challenges succeeding in the world.

Research shows us that when you open a child’s eyes to a greater community and they learn to interact with that community, they see how their actions affect other people and the community at large. This gives them an entirely different view of themselves and the impact their actions have on other people.


The second reason is the amount of negativity we hear in our lives. In Dennis Wheatley’s book, Psychology of Winning, he talks about the

148,000 “no’s” a child hears before the age of 18. These no’s teach you to speak to yourself with negative self-talk. You start to internalize these negative messages and think about all of the things that are wrong with you and all of your limitations. You snap to that limiting word “no” and find yourself stuck in that pattern of behavior using that word you don’t know how to stop.

Neurologically, the more you repeat a thought or a behavior, the more you wear a “groove” in your mind. The thought or action becomes automatic and you are no longer even aware you are doing it. The danger in negative self-talk is that the more you think those thoughts, the more ingrained they become and the more difficult they are to break.

In a professional martial arts program the classroom is the pathway to re-learn how to speak to oneself in a way that encourages confidence. Instruction is individualized so each student is supported on their quest to earn their black belt. As they accomplish this goal, they overcome hundreds of small obstacles and setbacks. With every small victory, a “no, I can’t” is challenged and it becomes a “yes, I can.”

Students learn how expansive their opportunities really are and how much they can really accomplish if they put their mind to it - their positive,

optimistic mind. They have expert motivational coaches in their martial arts instructor, another facet of our training. They also have a positive peer group around them, supporting them.

When they expand their physical performance, their self-esteem grows by leaps and bounds. All of this is intended to change this person’s self-talk and in fact we help students through this process by giving them certain affirming words to say in their training. Techniques like this make small incremental impressions in their neurology and changes their thought patterns permanently. It can overcome years of negative self-talk.

The researchers at the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania headed by the leading expert in the field, Martin Seligman, PhD, have discovered that by teaching children to structure their thoughts optimistically, not only do you dramatically improve their chances for success, you can psychologically “inoculate” them from destructive emotional states like depression, anger management problems or even impulse control problems. Imagine what it would be like to start your life knowing that even

“Whether you think you can or can’t do something, you’re probably right.”

—Henry Ford


when you face discouragement or setbacks, you will never be plagued by problems like depression.

When you start with negative preconditioning caused by a world filled with “no’s”, you feel that everything is an obstacle and you are helpless to change your life. You can’t possibly accomplish anything with that mind set. When you start breaking through some of those obstacles, smashing through those obstacles, in fact, with the martial arts, your universe becomes much larger. You no longer feel helpless, rather you begin to feel your own personal power. Now you can see how expansive things really are! What you couldn’t imagine doing a year ago, you are now accomplishing with ease.

That is the impact martial arts instruction has on self-esteem. It changes your self-talk. Change the way that you speak to yourself and you change everything about your life.

Positive Leadership

Just as it is important for a student to learn what they can accomplish, they also need to see what their opportunities really are. The leadership programs in professional martial arts schools are designed to teach this through teamwork skills, communication skills, goal setting and interactions with others. This process is designed to train the next generation of leaders to step up and learn to serve a greater good, greater community, greater purpose. Earning a black belt is the first step in that journey of a thousand kicks to paraphrase the ancient sage, Lao-tsu!

Students who learn that they can have an impact on the lives of others become a positive force wherever their life takes them. In the leadership program, we really want to develop the highest level of moral character and we call this being leaders of character. This means that their influence on other people is a positive, uplifting and inspiring experience. The definition of leadership we teach is combining people with purpose. A leader’s role is to take his group of people even if it is just one person, and define a purpose the group can accomplish. This purpose is not just for the whim of the leader, but also for the greater good of the group. I’ve heard a quote many times that dictators are followed but true leaders are accompanied. What we are trying to accomplish is true leadership skills.

“Thus the Leader is content to serve as an example and not to impose his will.”

—Lao-tzu


We also find parents derive benefit from the program. Parents tell us they have become better communicators and more effective as parents.

The students in the leadership program, of course, learn a skill that is highly prized in the marketplace and really has a huge impact on the community. The leadership program is more than learning to be a competitor or an athlete. It’s really learning how to bring people together with a higher purpose to lead the next generation of humanity.

World Centric/Self Centered

Several months ago I watched an interview with Maria Shriver, from the Kennedy/Shriver family. She was talking about her childhood growing up in a mansion, on the ranches and what her life was like as a child. She talked about dinner conversation in the Shriver household. Every night they would sit down as a family and talk about what they did and were going to do, to make the world a better place. They discussed goals and purpose and what they were trying to accomplish with their life. How they were going to make the planet a better place.

That dinner conversation teaches someone to think globally rather than self-centeredly. The research we have studied at NAPMA, shows the

importance of learning social competency for a child’s self-esteem. Unchecked, self-centeredness all too often leads to egoism, while a more expansive view of the world around them creates a more

developed sense of how actions, words, and attitude impact other people.To accomplish this more expansive, positive attitude it’s important to

build anchors for a child. Anchoring a child into a broader community where they see their role and they have the opportunity to have an expanded role that serves others.

A good friend of mine, and martial arts legend, Steven Hayes, was one of the very first people to go to Japan and study with the Japanese Ninjitsu Masters. Through a series of events, he became the personal bodyguard for


the Dali Lama. Master Hayes told me that as his personal body guard, he literally slept in the room next door. He lived his entire day just a few feet from the Dali Lama.

He said the most interesting and most inspiring thing about working with the Dali Lama was that from the moment he woke up when his feet hit the floor, to the moment he went back into bed at night, he was thinking about one and only one thing: How do I serve my country, my people, make their lives better?

I think that’s really important lesson for a child to learn and a parent to internalize. Even if we don’t see that our son or daughter will become the next Dali Lama, they can learn the reason that they’re here on this planet is to make it a better place. That’s an extremely useful lesson for building character and leadership skills in children, and a serious focus for the Professional School!

Leadership Ethics

Professional Schools have mastered instructional techniques for developing the next generation of leaders. We also placed our focus and that of our students on the higher standard of ethics that is required from a leader.

We’ve just gone through a financial crisis in this country that was created in part by the unethical practices of a few people. This unethical behavior catalyzed some big dominoes to fall and many people were hurt by the actions of a few. Had we had true leaders of character, people who graduated from something like what our leadership program teaches, the essential core values and integrity, maybe those things would not have happened.

Our society and communities desperately need leaders with ethics. Every day in martial arts schools across the country, we witness the next generation of leaders learning these values from professional instructors who have embodied them and have mastered the art of teaching these important character lessons.

The Million Dollar Reality

As you read this, you might be wondering if it is realistic for a seven year-old to actually earn a black belt in martial arts? The process that we just described is not only what challenges the student to be a great black belt, it’s also what gets them there. This process is daily action and commitment to their goals. It’s also being rewarded for their hard work. That’s what really inspires a student to accomplish greatness.

Every year, all of Professional Schools owned by the contributors to this


book, have a gathering for their black belts. This is a time to test for black belts or the next degree of black belt. One of the traditions that we have in our schools is to ask what we call the Million Dollar Question. It is a way to remind ourselves what is really valuable in the life.

We have all of the students who just tested for their black belts, their parents and all of the current black belts enter a room one at a time. We say, “If we could build a time machine that worked - a real time machine and you could go back to the day before you decided to study martial arts, and we take away all of the knowledge that you have gained; We take away all of the friends that you have made and the self-esteem that you gained, and all of the other benefits and

accomplishments in your program, but we give back all the money that you paid in tuition, gear and travel, would you take it?”

We have never, ever had anybody raise his/her hand. So we sweeten the pot and say, “If we could take you back to the day before you decided to train in martial arts and take away all the knowledge and experiences and instead of just giving you back all of the money that you paid, we give you back $50,000. Would you take that deal?”

We have never had a student or a parent raise their hand. So again we sweeten the pot and ask, “What about $250,000, who would take $250,000 right now to give me your black belt and go back to the day you started and never to have done this?”

No one has ever taken it, so we make our final offer of one million dollars. We have never had one student in our experience of 35 years ever say they would take that deal. We have never had a parent say they would take that deal. This speaks to the value both the parent and student places on the training they received.


Our students know martial arts instruction is so much more that kicks and punches. It is more than athletics or competition. Martial arts training, in its purist form, includes character development, mastery, community awareness, success skills, developing optimistic self-talk and leadership skills. These are all the skills that are learned from taking this journey. This is far more valuable than virtually anything students have learned in their life to date.

The martial art student has for centuries been a shining example of self-confi dence and positive self-esteem. What greater gift could any parent give to their son or daughter than the knowledge, deep down in the core of their being, that there is nothing, absolutely nothing they cannot accomplish with their life. Whatever vision they can dream for themselves, they can claim for their life. Whatever situation they face in their life, they know they will be ready to face the challenge.

They know how to treat others with respect and dignity. When called upon to do so, they can be effective and compassionate leaders. Martial arts students do not seek opportunities to fi ght or show off their skills. Rather they use their social skills, negotiation skills and seek opportunities to bring people together for a greater purpose.

The membership of NAPMA, and especially the Inner Circle Member who co-wrote this book have lived their life this way. It is our honor to be able to teach the next generation how to be men and women of character and higher calling.

TOBY MILROY is a lifelong martial artists, beginning his martial arts career in 1979. He went on to earn Black Belts in several styles of martial arts, currently a 4th Degree Black Belt in Traditional Taekwondo, 3rd Degree Black Belt in Songahm Taekwondo, and 2nd Degree Black Belt in Hapkido among others.

Mr. Milroy transitioned from operating successful martial arts schools, to now helping thousands of martial arts school owners, and the martial arts school industry through the National Association of Professional Martial Artists.

His mission is to dramatically raise the standards for professional martial arts instruction, and to spread the benefi ts of training in a professional martial arts program throughout the nation and the world!


ChaPter 4

“It is not your aptitude, but your attitude, that determines your altitude.”

—Zig Ziglar

PMA—Positive Mental Attitude: The Power of Positive Thinking

By Sensei Mike Pace

Positive mental attitude is a state of mind which always looks at the bright side of things. It is a ‘Yes I Can’ attitude that expects good and favorable results like happiness, joy and health and a successful

outcome of every situation.Positive thinking isn’t just wishful thinking. It isn’t someone looking at a

horrible situation and closing their eyes and repeating, “It’s getting better, it’s getting better, it’s getting better.” Someone with a positive attitude looks at a bad situation and tries to find out how to fix it or make it better.

Throughout the month we will demonstrate how to develop and to keep a PMA. How to learn to turn things around that aren’t going your way. How to have a different outlook on the negative things which do happen in our lives. And, how we can make the best of a bad situation if it appears.

We will also address some ways that you can maintain a positive attitude each day and start to attract better and better things into your life.

State Management

One way you can improve your mental attitude is by learning to change your state of mind when you feel negative or down. It’s virtually impossible to stay on a high note all day long, every day. The stresses of everyday life, the setbacks and the disappointments tend to get us down from time to time.


Here are few things you can do to change your state of mind:Diaphragmatic Breathing: A big word but it just means learning to breath down deep in the lower part of the lungs using your diaphragm. This type of breathing has a calming effect and can help if you feel stressed.Move: Get up (if you are in a situation that allows) and move around. Run around the block. Do some jumping jacks or pushups. Motion creates emotion. It might sound strange but try it, it really works.Create a ‘feel better’ anchor: (see section on anchors on next page).Sit up straight: Many times your body posture will mirror your mental attitude.

If you are feeling down or depressed chances are your physiology will be a reflection of your mental state. Correct your body posture and you can actually start to feel better.

Clap your hands and use your voice: If the situation allows you can sometimes change your state in an instant by clapping your hands powerfully and yelling something like the word ‘yes’. Again, the physical motion creates the emotion of feeling strong and upbeat.

Anchors

Anchors are unconscious signals that help us to feel a certain way or perform a specific action. Anchors can be something we see, hear, feel, smell, or taste. Most of the time the anchors are visual, auditory, and kinesthetic.

Some anchors have been set in our subconscious (or unconscious) mind long ago without our knowledge. Some of them good, meaning positive and helpful and others are bad meaning destructive, negative or detracting.

Here are some possible anchors that someone could have developed at some point in the past:

The smell of pine from a Christmas tree could immediately cause you to think of a special Holiday Season from long ago.The sound of a church bell may switch your mind to the funeral of a loved one.The pat on a shoulder could give you a feeling of confidence because one of your coaches at some point in your life used it whenever you did good.

The good news is that you can set up new anchors that can help put you into a positive state and once established can do it in a matter of seconds. We will explain the process of creating an anchor later but for now it’s important to see how anchors are created.

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How anchors are created:

A physiological anchor is created by a specific action, sound, smell or sight that is connected by a very strong emotion. The stronger the emotion, the less frequency is required for the anchor to set.

Some people have anchors that were established by just one event that took place during a very strong emotional situation. An example of this could be a sound, smell or even a specific body contact that happened at a funeral, wedding or some specific time when there was an exceptionally strong emotional feeling.

For our purposes we want to learn to create good positive anchors we can use to help us change our state and do it quickly.

Creating Anchors

It would be beneficial to create at least one strong anchor that could help us move from a state of depression or negative emotion. The simplest way to do this is the method that success coach Anthony Robbins teaches. Here it the process.

Make a fist with your dominant hand.Think about a time in your life that you felt strong, powerful and successful.Pound on your upper chest while strongly saying a word or phrase. One way is to say the word ‘yes’, strongly.Each time you pound on your chest and say the word ‘yes’ you think about something that has a strong emotional and positive attachment.Repeat the process several times.

In some cased the anchor can be formed quickly but sometimes you need to go through this procedure daily for a couple of weeks for it to start working for you. Once strongly formed you can change your state very quickly with only one or a few repetitions.

The Success Spiral

The success spiral graphically shows the process of how a positive mental attitude helps you approach each new challenge with the attitude of expectancy. Meaning you expect to win, to be successful, to accomplish the goal.

It then shows how having this type of attitude can lead to further successes, more enthusiasm, exceptional results and more confidence.

Let’s take a look at the success spiral and break it down even further.

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Study the illustration of the Success Spiral™ below. Let us start on the right side.

We start with a positive attitude and expectancy. Because we enter each goal, objective and challenge with this attitude we are willing to try new things. This happens because we believe wholeheartedly that we will be successful. If we start believing we will not fail, it gives us the ability to proceed confidently.

We don’t give up easily if things start to go bad. Let’s face it, things sometime don’t go as planned. We have setbacks, failures and stumbling blocks. We need confidence and the determination to pick ourselves up and start over again. A positive attitude will help us do just that.

We tend to work harder when we approach each new goal when we have a positive expectancy; if things do not move along as we hoped, we tend to dig in and work even harder, expecting to win in the end.

We enter each new challenge with enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is the feeling of excitement toward our goal or objective. It is the outward expression of the inside motivation that drives us.

We are excited about the prospects of achieving our target goal. We look forward to each day, to go out and work hard. To do the best job we can.

Success Spiral


When starting into a new goal, adventure or objective with a PMA we try to be the best we can be. We don’t settle for average or mediocrity. We must achieve the best we can, every hour of every day.

With all of this going for us, it is no wonder that we get good results when we start with a positive mental attitude.

The final block of the spiral is that we gain more confidence and belief in ourselves. This added confidence and resolve drives us to seek out bigger and bigger goals. It expands our horizons and increases our self esteem and with it, our positive attitude; and so the spiral continues.

The Failure Spiral

Now let’s look at the Failure Spiral. You probably know a few folks who are on this one. They start off with a negative attitude. The words “I can’t, I never, and why me?” seem to be a big part of their vocabulary or at least their self talk.

They really don’t expect to win, succeed or do especially well at most anything. They use expressions like, “Why can’t I ever win, there’s no way it will work, and I don’t believe I can do it.”

Failure Spiral


When someone starts an endeavor with a negative attitude, their expectations are not very good. They want to do well but don’t believe they really can.

It sets the tone for poor performance. They tend not to give it their full effect and give up easily at the first sign of a challenge or down turn. They have poor enthusiasm and don’t do their best.

They usually get fair or poor results which they actually expected in the first place. This reinforces their lack of confidence for the future.

Let’s take a look at what the Failure Spiral diagram looks like.We start at the right hand side of the diagram with a negative attitude.

This may not be easily apparent as many times this is expressed internally and reinforced with negative self talk.

There is not much faith that the outcome will be what they want so they are reluctant to show much excitement and enthusiasm for the goal or project. They tend not to give a full, all out effort, so they get discouraged easily.

Since they harbor these negative feelings, they shy away from trying new things because of fear of failure.

This all leads to poor results which confirms their initial feelings. Which is actually positive reinforcement of a negative attitude. It justifies why they had their doubts about being successful in the first place.

The poor performance or failure lowers their self esteem and drives down their self confidence even more. They expected poor results and that is exactly what they got. This sets the stage for continued negative feelings and poor expectations for future goals and accomplishments.

The Realities of Success

The realities of success are that there is not usually a direct path from where you are to where you want to go.

Look at the diagram below. This is how we sometimes visualize our path to our goals.

Your Goal

You


In reality our actual path usually looks more like this:

Notice how the performance level rises and falls. Depending on the term of the goal these downturns could be brief or lasting weeks or even months.

One of the reasons those that have a positive attitude reach most of their goals is because they don’t get discouraged easily. If things go wrong, because they expect a positive outcome in the end they stay the course. Work harder and try to find out what is working and what is not and then make adjustments.

Consider the diagram above of a more typical path to a successful accomplishment. What might happen to a person with a negative attitude

You

Your Goal

You

Your Goal


when they reached this point. Remember, at this point of the goal path it would actually look like this (see below).

Do you think it might be discouraging? Do you think many with a negative attitude might quit at this point?

There lies one of the most important attributes to a positive mental attitude which is how a person reacts when things do not go as planned.

Isn’t it true that things go wrong sometimes? Don’t we all have set backs? It’s called life; it’s just how it is. Not that we should expect things to go wrong but we should plan for them if they do.

A good motto is to: “Expect the best but plan for the worst!”

Evaluation: Our Internal System of Questioning

Our normal thinking patterns revolve around evaluating everything that we do. Another way to look at it is that evaluation is really just asking ourselves questions.

The type of questions we ask can make a major difference in what we do about the setbacks which are just part of being a human. Things do not always go the way we would want them to. At least not initially.

When someone with a positive attitude encounters an obstacle, setback or temporary failure they start the evaluation (questioning) process like this:

What did I do wrong?What did I do right?What can I learn from this setback?What can I do differently next time?Do I need to learn more about this to do a better job in the future?Who can I learn this from?Are there any books, seminars, videos or reference material on the subject?

You

Your Goal


As you can see, these types of questions will help you learn from your failures and grow from your successes. The answers to these questions can help you move ahead in the future. Do better next time and keep you focused and heading in the direction of your goals.

These are the type of questions that people with a negative attitude ask:Why does this always happen to me?Why can’t I do better?Why do I always fall short?What’s wrong with me?Why am I such a dummy?Am I just not good enough?

What kind of answers can you get from these kind of questions? Can any of these questions actually give you something that will help you? The answers to these questions are all negative and drive down your self esteem and confidence. They can serve no good purpose.

Remember, the larger the goal, the more time it usually takes to accomplish and greater the chances of setbacks, stumbling blocks and temporary failures. Again, these are just part of life. The better questions you learn to ask yourself, the more and quicker progress you will make towards your goals.

Positive Attitude and the Effects on Your Goals

As we mentioned above, the bigger the goal the longer it usually takes to accomplish. For the example, take two high school graduates, one has a goal to become an auto mechanic, the other a doctor. Both are great career goals and are commendable. The question is which one will take longer to accomplish?

The auto mechanic may take two years to earn his associates degree and another year or two in technical school and apprenticeship. About four years after high school.

The doctor will take four years to go to college. He/she will need to get into a fairly high ranked college to have a chance at being accepted into medical school. Assuming he/she does, medical school is another three to four years. After that there is a one year internship and two years of residency before you can get a full medical license. We are looking at approximately eleven years after high school.

Question? Which of these two people have a greater chance of setbacks? Which course of study is more difficult? Which has a lesser chance of reaching their goal?

What this means is that it takes a strong positive attitude to reach the


higher goals in life because the bigger the goal the longer it usually takes. The more time and the more difficulty usually means the rewards are higher but so is the chance of problems, setbacks and potential roadblocks.

Developing and keeping a positive mental attitude is essential for success in life.

Some Ideas and Strategies for Creating PMA

Read and think about your goals several times each day. Think about what it will feel like when your goal is accomplished.

Work on figuring out what the internal dialog that goes on you head is saying. Start a journal or notebook and write down each negative thought or limiting belief that pops into your mind as you go about your business. When

you do this you find that most of your negative self talk in repeated throughout the day and week.

Then, go to work on creating a new mental dialog that will replace the old negative thoughts. Start with the first two or three. Try to be aware during each waking moment when negative thoughts pop into your head. Replace them with your new positive thought or affirmation.

Wake up each day with an “Attitude of Gratitude.”. Think about all the wonderful things you have in your life. Thank your creator for each of these blessings.

Do not focus on what you don’t have but all that you do have. It’s okay to be dissatisfied with your progress in life but work on being happy with what you do have.

What we focus on tends to expand. If your mind is constantly on what you want or don’t have, then that is what you will attract more of; more want and don’t haves. Rather, learn to think about all the great things you do have. Think about your goals as if they were already here, already accomplished; that is what you want to attract.

You can use affirmations, which are usually short, positive statements targeted at a specific subconscious set of beliefs to change negative beliefs and

“Your school and the people involved with it have been a positive influence on Ryan and Matthew; one that will stay with them for a lifetime. Pace Institute of Karate is a wonderful place to learn and grow. We’re very happy we found you. Thank you so much.”

—Jennifer and Bob SundaVernon, NJ


to replace them with positive nurturing beliefs. It is kind of like brainwashing only you get to choose which negative beliefs to change.

Create a list of affirmations. You can create affirmations about any and all areas of your life. Here are a few examples broken down by category:

Success

Each day I move closer and closer to my goals.I am getting better each day.I am successful in whatever I do.Abundance flows into my life from all directions.

Health

I have an abundance of energy.I eat right and exercise every day.I get the proper amount of sleep every day.

Relationships

I look for the good in all people.I am a warm and friendly person.I seek to understand rather than to be understood.I am interested in other people.

You should make your own list and tailor it especially for you. Make a habit of reading or memorizing your affirmations a few times each day, especially in the morning and before bed at night.

Associate with the right peopleMaster life coach, Jim Rohn, teaches that we will become the sum total

of the five people who we are around the most. The people who are our friends, associates and family members influence us more than we might think.

While you can’t choose your family and relatives, you can choose your friends and associates. Develop relationships with people who are like you or who you would like to become. Choose friends who have honesty, courtesy and integrity as the forefront of their character. Hang around people who are success minded, who are achievers in life.

Remember, whenever two human beings are together, one is always influencing the other. You probably won’t even be aware of this but nonetheless it is still happening. Learn to guard the thoughts which you allow to enter your mind. If you are constantly around people with low morals, poor hygiene,

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questionable integrity and other negative qualities, in time, it will rub off on you. It’s up to you to take control of the environment around you!

Climbing the Mountain of SuccessAs we mentioned earlier, the biggest and most important goals usually take

the longest to accomplish. This is where PMA is of paramount importance. Take, for example, the goal of Black Belt in the martial arts. It is a very valuable, long term goal that can take many years to accomplish.

Consider this analogy. Compare the goal of Black Belt to climbing a large mountain. It’s not a one day stroll in the park but rather a tough

and dangerous path that can take days or even weeks to accomplish.

As you approach the mountain it’s difficult, if not impossible, to see the summit (the goal) but you move ahead with confidence because you have a positive attitude.

During your first day of climbing you encounter a steep area that is filled with loose rock. The footing is difficult and you stumble and fall a few times. Now your knees are scraped, bleeding and sore but you continue on.

As you work toward your black belt, you will encounter times when you

may doubt yourself and your abilities. It takes a positive attitude to continue on your journey.

Continuing your quest up the mountain, nightfall comes upon you. You set up a tent, prepare a campfire and settle down for the night. Around 2 am you hear some rustling outside of your tent. At first you think it’s a small animal but as you listen you start to think it may be a grizzly bear or mountain lion.

On your black belt journey this can be compared to your first time

“When we enrolled James in your karate school we did not know the positive effect it would have on James. Since 2000 he has learned to concentrate on what is important to him, set goals, and also how to make commitments and keep them.”

He enjoys the physical part of karate. The instructor’s at your school are a great influence on the kids. It is nice to see James grow with the help of everyone at Pace. Thanks.”

—Jim and Sandi LondinoVernon, NJ


sparring or your first testing or tournament experience. It can be just as scary as that first dark night in the tent. Again, here is where a positive mental attitude is critical. Are you going to face your fears, focus on your goal or retreat to safety? Your strong PMA will carry you through.

The next day begins and up the mountain you go. By afternoon it’s raining steadily. You are soaked and cold; before long the ground becomes soft and muddy. It seems for every ten steps up the mountain, you slide back five or six. You become tired and exhausted and there is a voice inside telling you, “it’s not worth it”, “why not just go back home.”

As you progress up the belt ranks there may be times that you feel like you are not making progress. You come to class, try hard, sweat and work to exhaustion but don’t seem to make progress.

Whether you are climbing a mountain or working toward goals in life, there will be times like this. Setbacks will happen. Temporary failures will occur. If you have a negative attitude you start to ask yourself the wrong questions, as we spoke of earlier. You will give in to your fears, your exhaustion and your doubts.

“We are writing to you to express how happy we are with the positive effect that Pace Institute has had on our two daughters. What we thought would be a short-lived interest has turned into two years of dedicated effort on the part of both girls. While this commitment is do to a real interest in the martial arts, we have no doubt that your school has played a key role in holding their interest in the sport.

The instructional program at your school has been such a benefit to our daughter Emma. Since she began training at Pace, we have seen an increased level of confidence, self-esteem and self-discipline, in addition to the physical skills that she continues to develop.

Our daughter Jill’s coordination and physical endurance has increased dramatically and her improved sportsmanship makes us proud.

We are grateful for your outstanding facility and have enjoyed watching Emma and Jill progress under your instruction and the efforts of your commendable staff of instructors.”

—Cynthia & Adam DempseySparta, NJ


The following day as you continue your journey, higher and higher, you come upon a couple of other hikers who are on their way down the mountain. They tell you that when you get up higher the terrain gets too steep and you will not be able to go any higher.

In life, some people will tell you, “you cannot reach your goals”. They will tell you, “you are a dreamer” or that they tried the same thing and it did not work.

Here again is where you must rely on your PMA to ignore the naysayer and stay with your plan. You must hold strong to your ideals, goals and dreams and not let some well meaning person discourage you.

So again you are climbing, higher and higher up the mountain. You arrive at what you thought was the peak but instead it is just another plateau. While you are a little disappointed you discover that from this vantage point you can now see the summit, the top peak of the mountain (your goal).

This lower peak could be the attainment of your brown belt. While itself a victory, it is not your main goal. But now you can clearly see the final path, the steps to reach your black belt goal. You have reached an important plateau. However, there is much work yet ahead.

At this point you make your run for the summit of the mountain. The weather has become very cold up here and it’s now starting to snow. The higher you go, the heavier the snow is falling. With thirty mile an hour winds you can barely see. Your face is frozen but you trudge on.

As you get closer to your black belt the training gets harder. The instructor becomes more demanding. The physical workouts become more difficult. Just like the mountain climber you need to keep going. You need to believe in yourself, your abilities and the value of your goal.

Back on the mountain you are getting closer to the peak. The weather has slowed you down but it will not stop you. A little further up you get to a point where you cannot climb. It’s just too steep. What now? Have you come this far only to turn back?

There are times in the accomplishment of every goal that you need to dig down deep into your gut and pull out some determination and courage. Without a very strong positive mental attitude, this is impossible; but not to you.

So instead of turning back you decide to go down to the next level, walk parallel to the steep area and try to find another way up. In spite of the snow, the cold, the wind and all of your setbacks and stumbling blocks, you claw your way to the top.

Now you are standing there at the top of your metaphorical mountain with your instructor. He places the black belt around your waist. The feeling


is almost euphoric. The satisfaction you now feel having fought the fi ght, having endured the test and having climbed the mountain is indescribable.

Without a positive mental attitude these type of accomplishments can rarely, if ever, be done.

SHIHAN MICHAEL PACEstarted his training in 1967 in a system called Amdo which means American way. The system was similar to mixed martial arts today and contained elements of karate, jiu-jitsu, aikido, judo, kung fu as well as other arts.

After a number of years in this system Pace switched to Goshin-ryu karate, a form of Okinawan karate. He has continued training and teaching this system to this day.

Not being satisfi ed with the self defense aspect of traditional martial arts, Shihan Pace decided to look into a number of different areas of street realistic self defense. He got heavily involved in FAST Defense, adrenal stress response training, as well other, less traditional systems of self defense.

Taking this knowledge and combining it with his past training and skills he has developed his own system of self defense which he has incorporated into his traditional karate system. Shihan Pace’s self defense videos have been sold in almost every country in the world over the past nine years.

In 2006, Shihan Pace was inducted into the United States Martial Arts Hall of Fame as a pioneer in karate and self defense. In early 2008 he was promoted to 9th degree black belt. He is presently the president of the Goshin-Ryu Karate Association and teaches daily in his studio in Vernon, NJ.


ChaPter 5

“A goal properly set is halfway reached.”—Abraham Lincoln

Commitment to Goal Setting

By Sensei Shawn Harvey

I have concluded students will always perform better when they’re committed to achieving a long term goal, or when they’re committed to achieving a certain outcome. It’s so important for students to set that

long term goal because it keeps them extremely focused on achieving the desired outcome.

At the same time, when our goals have values associated with them we have a tendency to put something next to it, other than just the activity itself. So as a parent that is looking at an activity or a sport for their children to do, in this case martial arts, values like life skills and leadership classes will create better value that create a higher outcome.

Martial art instructors use the black belt as a symbol or tool to motivate their students, to keep them totally focused on reaching their black belt. We set the black belt mindset by saying that when you train you should train like a black belt champion. So you want to put the end in mind first, the black belt vision, and then work towards it.

You sort of have to think the same way that you would think about college, or how you would think about university, and I think all of us, if we thought in those terms, we would be defining our success. If you think about it in terms of the university or of college, it really is all about the degree. So if I’m a college freshman and I am just planning minute to minute, month to month, and thinking to myself well, I’m just going to take this next midterm and see how it goes, and then maybe I’ll go for another semester or maybe I won’t, who knows. See those are the students who never graduate from college.


Those are the students who never ultimately get the degree. The students who get the degrees are the ones who, from the day they started as a freshman, knew that their career was going to be X, that they were going to be a doctor, they knew they were going to be a lawyer; they were going to be an accountant.

They knew that they needed to have that degree to be able to accomplish it. So then, the everyday challenges of the midterms and of

the social environments, all those challenges are greatly minimized because they’re so committed to getting that degree.

So if you don’t have that level of commitment, you will never graduate from college. In fact, the national statistics show that the average college freshman, who doesn’t declare

a major, their chances of dropping out triple every two weeks they don’t declare a major.

So again, it just reiterates, you must set that long term goal, you have to know exactly what you’re trying to accomplish if you’re going to accomplish anything.

The importance of the expected outcome of goal attainment - self efficacy and committing to others is so important to a student in a martial art environment. Being a black belt and a school owner is so important because you are such a huge role model that by your students seeing the outcome, your accomplishments, being able to articulate your martial art to your students, teaching your students and their families leadership skills, acts of kindness, words of the week, being able to create an environment that teaches people is incredible.

Inspiring young students who are going to be our future leaders on leadership techniques is priceless and gives them something that they can go after. I developed the black belt challenge in my school informing my parents and our students to step up to the black belt challenge.

If you want to be a black belt then you need to step up to the challenge, and that’s what creates the motivation, the pride and the self esteem that is going to get them to move toward their black belt because now they want it, they want it more than anything else.

Subsequently, it’s important that as an instructor, as a black belt, we

“I have found an inner strength, and belief in myself, that come what may I can adapt, overcome, and achieve whatever I set my mind to.”

—Gareth HendricksonSmall Circle Student


explain the importance of staying focused, why our students quit or lose focus. We have to understand why we are teaching children martial arts, giving this special gift to our students, allowing them to feel special about learning this important skill of goal setting.

When I approach a student and I say you are going to be a black belt, now that student sets that goal. Or, you’re going to be an instructor because I see it in you. Now we are giving them the power, putting the motivation into that child and we are making that child feel special. All of a sudden they’re now saying, okay, if Sensei believes I can do it, if my mom feels that I can do it, then I’m going to do it. Now that child sets the goal in cement.

Short term goals are important to set, for instance, what do you need to acquire to get to that next level? Just remember that every step you make is going toward your ultimate goal of black belt excellence.

That is so important for young children because they believe that everything has to happen overnight. A great saying from Zig Ziglar is that we all have to be prepared to do things poorly at first, and then over time, get better at it. I think that’s so important because that actually allows us to be able to set that goal and realize that I may not be good at this thing, but over a period of time, I’m going to hit it, I’m going to become a black belt.

This is huge for children because parents would look at this and say you’re teaching our children valuable life skills - that they don’t quit, that they set the goal and no matter what it is they’re going to go after it.

I think that’s huge for leadership teachers and black belts that we are creating a huge amount of life skills for a child to use for the rest of their lives.

We are human beings; we are products of social proof, products of social pressure, and products of our environment. Debates rage on about heredity versus environment. In reality, probably both play a factor, but remember the people that you choose to surround yourself with, the people you spend the most time with, are really the people who you’re going to end up becoming.

Whether it’s good or bad, that’s the fact. So the challenge for us as parents and as good members of society is how we can create an environment that these children can be in. An environment with quality role models who are

“Small Circle has taught me how to channel bad experiences and not to give up. To push forward and achieve the possible which seemed impossible.”

—Vernon TuckerSmall Circle Student


dedicated, focused and committed to accomplishing their goals and who are dedicated to learning the process.

Now, if we examine the worst case scenario, if we were to take a child and put them into an environment of absolutely zero level of commitment or goals. Literally they watched television all day, or they were in an environment that

walled them off from society. Basically, all they did was play all day long without a minutes care about what the outcome is or what’s next or developing a set of skills. See if you did that, we all know we wouldn’t want that type of outcome.

We all know the outcome would be terrible. So what we need to be thinking is how we surround this child with positive role models, positive mentors and positive social proof, social pressure that move them in the right direction, rather than in the wrong direction.

Making the commitment to yourself, making a commitment

to other people, and having other people as a support structure is extremely important in creating a positive mastermind group for our students. That’s so important.

Martial arts when taught correctly can create a vision of success, achieving black belt, the most important first step. When we set a goal, a vision of black belt, the student must first aim to qualify for the black belt club. They have to set that goal to be able to hit it.

To create this environment of goal setting we put each new student through our basic program, or our orientation program, and we give them certain things they need to master. Things that they’re going to need to qualify. They’re going to have to jump through special hoops to get into the black belt club program. And in my school that usually takes three to four months. If they, the student and parent, want to get in there sooner, that’s fine. But usually it will take three to four months and then we’re transferring those students up to our leadership program.

To qualify they learn the three levels of respect, the three levels of


discipline, and the seven magic words. We also have them do the home to-do list, which is so, so important.

On the home to-do list we have long term and short term goals and all students must write their short term goals every week and our staff oversees this to make sure it is being completed. When this is accomplished we give them a goal setting stripe for sticking to their goals. Therefore they’re motivated to hit the next goal.

So even though they have a goal to get a belt, they also have a goal to get into the leadership program, because in the leadership program they’re going to learn so much more. So as a parent, they now see a life skill that’s being taught in the martial art program, a vision of success.

You see if we took a child and we moved them directly into the leadership program, they’re not going to have the skills and the discipline and have learned the culture of the program yet. The orientation program allows them to see the other black belts, be able to look at them and say ok that’s how a black belt person looks, but right now I’m in the basic program but I am setting the goal for black belt.

Also what’s really good about the black belt club program is that our black belt club members are wearing black jujitsu uniforms, whereas our basic program, orientation program, are wearing white jujitsu uniforms. So there is a visual effect in chasing that goal. This is imperative because it keeps the students focused and it keeps them hitting their goals. When we reward them with their stripes, we make an effort to make a big deal out of it when they’re in class.

We also reward our students for activities they perform well outside of our martial arts program. For example, if they achieve 100% on their spelling test, or they do well in our reading challenge. Reading more than three books within a certain period they are given a prize, that’s another goal. We continue to emphasize completion. We encourage our students to think hey, once I have finished reading a particular book that’s one goal I completed. Because most people don’t finish reading books, they start it but they don’t finish it.

Once they get into the routine of finishing stuff, they now have a recipe to success. So now they have the hunger that as soon as they start something they’re going to finish it. That’s goal setting, that’s a huge concept for young children to understand.

Once they graduate to the black belt club they have reached their goal. The parents have reached that goal as well, and now they’re moving to the ultimate goal now - black belt. Now they’re making the commitment to black belt excellence.


The average ten year old, maybe twelve year old, doesn’t really understand what creating a vision is. For them vision means they can see out of their glasses, or see out of a window.

Creating a vision for their life, creating a vision for their success, creating a vision for what they want to accomplish with their time, their life, and their objectives. This is such a big concept for someone to be exposed to at such a young age.

The “Niagara Syndrome”

Anthony Robbins calls it the “Niagara Syndrome.” The Niagara Syndrome is that you’re in your canoe and you’re floating down the river and everything is just fine, you don’t really have to paddle too hard at all, the current is just kind of taking you where it wants to take you and you’re fine with that. And then low and behold one day you wake up and you’re fifteen feet from Niagara Falls, and then you pick up the paddle and start frantically trying to row for the shore. Well, see by then it’s too late.

You will never make it. But now if you’d started paddling a little bit towards the shore a hundred miles ago it wouldn’t have taken much effort at all and you’d have landed right on the target, where your objective was.

In doing this we are helping students create a vision, helping them to look down the river and say okay, where is it that I want to be? What is my objective? What is it that I am trying to accomplish with my training, with my life, with my career? Now is the time to start paddling a little bit so that you don’t have to realize that you’re going to fall over the edge of the Falls when it’s too late.

It is also important to use imagery to help you reach your goals. Imagery is like a third eye because you can imagine yourself as a black belt. When you close your eyes and you’re in a quiet area where you’re not being disturbed you can imagine or envision your goals.

That world is perfect, no one can interfere with your thoughts, and no one can come in there and say that you can’t do it or it’s going to be tough to do. You can close your eyes and see yourself where you want to be, you can see yourself as a black belt, you can see yourself standing tall and strong, and as a child you can see yourself as a black belt with an abundance of self esteem.

When you do that, it creates a feeling that you have already accomplished it. Things are created twice. First they’re created in the mind and then they’re created in reality. It may take us four years to get to a black belt, but when we see it, see ourselves getting our black belt we automatically turn into that


person. And when we do get our black belt it’s like I’ve already done this before and that is a huge concept to reaching our goals.

So many people don’t see themselves as a black belt. They come into a martial art school and they see the black belts moves and they see how he can do a roundhouse kick or he can do a take down, but they don’t see themselves that way. It’s so important that in a martial art environment that not only is the instructor teaching high self esteem as a goal and teaching visualization as a goal, but transferring that information to the students’ home.

Martial arts is a perfect parenting partnership for any type of development of a child. If we had a bad day or we didn’t do the things that we wanted to achieve, we can visualize how we can make it better tomorrow. You have

“I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate and thankful that I joined the BSJA kickboxing class. This class to me is not just about fitness but also I feel like we are like a family. I have made many friends and have made it through difficult times in my life from the relationships and help of my trainers and classmates. I feel so much better about myself and look forward to coming to class. I have been so inspired by the class that I tell everyone about it, and how wonderful it is and encourage them to try it.

Over the past 10 weeks, I accomplished a lot from where I started to now. I’ve improved my physical appearance from the inside out, I’ve lost weight, trimmed my waist line, improved my body fat, and increased my ability to do more push ups, sit ups, flexibility and 2 mile walking time. And now as an added bonus, I read the labels on food before I purchase it which I never or hardly ever did before. To be able to win the first UBC challenge was inspiring for me as I am very competitive and I didn’t think I would make.

My future goal is to continue to maintain my body as it is today. And I owe all the thanks to you guys, thanks for being there for me.”

—Colina OuterbridgeAPM BBA,

Trainee Management Accountant


to actually believe it. You have to be able to taste it, touch it, all in your imagination and all in your vision. That is so important.

I use this visualization exercise everyday. I visualize my successes. I’ve written them down. I have pictures of the things that I want, and that’s why we have a leadership program so they can visualize themselves as black belts.

All of a sudden the student is now doing the techniques sharper, they’re now shouting louder, their kicks are higher, they’re highly motivated because now they see what they want to achieve and I think that’s priceless.

You can’t train the body without training the mind. The mind controls everything, and we’ve all heard that a picture is worth a thousand words.

Using visualization, using that imagery, finding images that create that conversation or create those thousand words inside someone’s head is enormously important and really is helping a student think better. We are helping them think in a way that’s more productive for them rather than counterproductive.

Most students unfortunately are inundated by negative messages all day long. The news is out there telling us about all the doom and gloom in the world. We’re constantly told how bad of a job we’re doing, how many failures we’ve had, and how many difficult times we’ve had; we’re constantly being bombarded by these negative messages.

Being able to use these skills, being able to use imagery will really inspire and motivate ourselves to be able to accomplish these types of goals.

Finding a mentor to help hold your feet to the fire and making sure you’re actually accomplishing those goals is another key component. Just imagine a martial arts program, and I’m sure there’s probably a few, without a belt advancement curriculum.

If we did martial arts and there were no belts then what’s to keep the person motivated to get to the next level? We are social creatures; we always want the next thing - what’s next?

So it’s so important to have these mini goals. If a child shows up at your door and mom says my child has low self esteem, well it’s so important now to get that child’s self esteem high - how do we do that?

We give them short term goals that they can actually hit. Therefore, when they hit their short term goals they can believe, I can do this! Once they know they can do it their self esteem rises.

The difference between people hitting their goals is the way they see themselves, and if they see themselves as a black belt, then they’re going to be able to hit that specific goal. So the first thing we do is we allow them to hit many goals. The first goal is to earn their white belt. To earn your white belt you need to know the three levels of discipline?


There is good discipline, bad discipline and self discipline. But which one do you want to master? Self discipline. Okay, now you have set a goal to hit.

People love to win and when we start winning we want to keep winning, and as they keep winning they will hit their goals. The longer we let a student wait before they hit a goal, the more they’re going to get discouraged and talk themselves out of the commitment of being a black belt. That’s why the stripe system is priceless.

We give stripes for everything they do, whether it’s in the school, outside the school, if they answer a question or if they ask a question they get a stripe and we make sure that we clap really loud for them. We teach team work to promote goal setting. The more we act as a team the more we’re going to hit our goals as a team.

Once a student hits these small goals this will help them move toward bigger goals, and to celebrate them.

I now always celebrate my goals no matter what they are. That’s something in my younger years I didn’t do. Sometimes we get so focused on the ultimate goal that we never celebrate the mini goals that get us there. The more we celebrate those mini goals we’re conditioning ourselves to move towards it subconsciously. Setting short term goals, intermediate goals and your ultimate goal is so important.

When setting goals you must always connect a timeframe with it because it really keeps you focused on it. If you don’t write a timeframe to hit your goals you’re not going to have any accountability toward them.

Case in point, if I say belt promotion exams will take place on a certain day you’re going to find everyone is going to start training for that date, your students will have more tenacity to go after that goal, and it holds everyone accountable.

Anthony Robbins always says what gets scheduled gets done. And typically, again it’s just like the Niagara syndrome - we all have busy lives, and all live hectic schedules, we all have a lot of things going on and a lot of


things that are competing for our attention. If we sort of allow those things to influence what we choose to spend time

on, we never really accomplish what we set out to accomplish because we’re too busy responding to everything else. That’s why scheduling your goals is so vitally important. I think that is something that is a skill if understood early in life will really help accelerate someone through the rest of their career and the rest of their life and really help them become more successful. Because quite frankly, they have the ability to ignore distractions.

Warren Buffet has an interesting quote, I don’t need a good idea every day, I just need one or two real good ideas a year and I’m fine. He said, I’m more successful by accomplishing the things I know are winners and I’m less successful when I’m too busy trying to do too many things and none of them working very well.

It’s extremely important to be able to filter out all the stuff that doesn’t get you to your goals.

When we set impersonal goals for ourselves we are more likely to achieve them because we are doing it for the betterment of mankind. When we teach martial arts, we’re not just teaching punching, kicking and fighting. It’s about black belt excellence of one’s self, to learn to master who you are. That has enormous value.

That’s worth going after and setting that goal. Because now, we are helping others to see the bigger picture in their lives, creating a better community, a less violent community. Having impersonal goals teach our children, why you should have respect for your parents, for your teachers and your friends. To learn to be a person of dignity. This will move our students faster to their goals because those goals sit on natural principles.

Personal goals never seem to satisfy us because once we attain it we are never fulfilled internally. I always have fun with my associates because we all have commercial underwriting degrees hanging up in our offices, however, I tell my students, you can have an underwriting degree, lawyer’s degree or possibly a doctor’s degree, but if you have a black belt degree next to it, everyone looks at that black belt degree, because they know that black belt degree has so much value connected to it. And when they look at your other degree they say wow, you must really be good at being an underwriter.

Because that black belt is a sign of excellence, that’s value. That’s why it’s so important for people when they set their goals that it’s based on principles and values, it’s so important.

Our society is going to need leaders of character. We need it more than ever, students who graduate from a leadership based martial art school, which teaches values like integrity will help change our society.


Creating a team like a leadership program is important for goal setting as well. Because now they’re in an inner circle, or a black belt circle of students all moving toward the same goal. The group is made up of different abilities and skills which can help all learn from each other. We have created programs that help students to problem solve, how to go about reaching their goals. They learn how to stand in front of a class and teach martial art techniques, or helping someone else master a technique. This is face to face leadership.

We track this by reminding the students of how far they have come along the path to reaching their goals. Maybe they had a tough time teaching the warm up drills or teaching the class martial arts drills and now they are able to teach a class without hesitation.

You see the student has moved from secondary greatness to primary greatness. They are not just trying to get the black belt as fast as they can, but wanting to be the best black belt and be able to synergize and teach other people how they can be a great black belt too.

When you remind them of being a white belt and say look at what you’ve come through to get to this level. Now the student thinks back in their head and says, wow, I see that any goal that I put my mind to I can reach, I have the recipe for success.

We have solved some pretty big problems here. We know by statistics that in our current society, in the current make up of our public education systems, current make up of our internet, click at a second’s whim society, I want it right now, in that paradigm, in that environment, unfortunately many schools and extra-curriculum programs are really setting students up for failure. They’re teaching them how to quit. They’re teaching them how to be excited about something for two or three months and then give up.

They play soccer in the summer time and then they quit soccer, then they play baseball for three months and then they quit baseball, and then they play American football for three months and then give that up, and then they do track for two or three months, and then they quit that, and then they do dance for a couple of months and they quit that, and then they do gymnastics for a couple of months and they quit that. This is negative, this is a downward spiral, and it is teaching children how to have a short attention span.

A sound martial art program solves this problem by really helping students learn how to set long term goals and expertly coaching them to overcome their obstacles. This is truly something of immeasurable value and something that I think is the best design to teach the next generation of our society’s leaders.

I truly believe that all martial art instructors will have a profound effect


on the lives of their students. I know that through our commitment and passion to help strengthen our communities that our students will gain so much from our martial arts programs. And that their lives are going to be positively changed, and that their families are going to be in a much better place because we have impacted them in an invaluable way.

SENSEI SHAWN HARVEY is the founder of the Bermuda Small Circle Jujitsu Academy and is Bermuda’s fi rst small circle jujitsu black belt. Sensei Harvey has become accustomed to reaching out and achieving what seems to be the impossible. Sensei Harvey has developed his business from ground zero and now has over two hundred members. A huge feat for Bermuda where martial arts was mainly taught as a recreational activity.

Sensei Shawn Harvey is the pioneer for professional martial artist in Bermuda and he’s also one of the nation’s leading experts on teaching children and teaching children the value of goal setting and commitment and setting long term, intermediate, and short term goals. And then coaching them to be able to reach those goals and to be able to accomplish the long term goals, or overcome those obstacles and achieve their long term goals. Sensei Shawn Harvey will share with us the value of commitment to goal setting. Being a leading expert in this area, when it comes to the value of teaching goal setting and the value of commitment to children.


ChaPter 6

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”

—Peter Drucker

Is Your Child a High School Dropout Waiting to Happen?

by Jonathan Metcalf

There is a serious problem in America. I am not talking about high prices at the pump or government spending. I am not speaking about our reckless environmental policy. I am not even talking

about the serious health and health care issues our nation faces. Americans are being trained

to quit.Time magazine called America

a “Drop Out Nation”. Nearly one in three American children will not graduate from High school. Bill Gates called our High School graduation rates “a silent epidemic”. Roughly half of all marriages will end in divorce. US Census data cites this as directly related to 63% of youth suicides,71% of pregnant teenagers and 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders.

Drop out nation?

I refuse to let our great nation, which has been fought and bled for, which has been the product of visionaries and champions of freedom, fall prey to a

A Silent Epidemicamerican children are dropping out of school at an alarming rate. one in three will not graduate high school.


lack of commitment. We, as parents, have a duty to teach our children that traditional value called “commitment”. If my children ask if they can take a day off from school, and there is no health reason otherwise, the answer

will be ‘no’, don’t you? If your child comes to you and says that they have decided that they will not being doing any math homework because they don’t like it, it would be an almost laughable moment, wouldn’t it?

I mean to say there is NO WAY you would let your kid off the hook for math homework! You know it might be painful to force them to do it, you know you will have some battles to fight, but it is worth it because this is about their education. Moreover, this is about their character.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of parents out there who do cave. There are teachers who

give up or give in to the mediocre standards and expectations that they are mandated to follow. Our nation’s future is being trained to quit by parents, teachers and friends.

Are You as Committed to Your Child as I Am?

At Integrity Martial Arts, we have worked with thousands of children. Since 1996, I have worked full time teaching martial arts. My job is to make children into black belts. What do I mean? I believe that children need an exciting and compelling vehicle to learn about respect, focus, discipline and self-control.

A Black Belt is the degree offered to martial artists who demonstrate the expertise and proficiency in martial arts skills like kicking, self-defense and traditional forms and character traits like respect, integrity, determination, and responsibility. Children can learn and habituate these skills and traits relatively easily. In fact, I would argue they can learn them faster than adults (why not? Its

“Right away I was so impressed by the way that Jonathan worked with children. He speaks to them in ways they can easily understand and keeps the class fun.

All the children are comfortable talking with him. I think any child could benefit from this program because it is additional reinforcement for respect, discipline, and self control. The lessons we teach at home.”

—Dorothy Leach


been scientifically proven they learn just about everything else faster.) The thing is, for kids to learn these critical “anti-quitting”, “dropping-out-not-acceptable” kind of characteristics, their parents have to show them too.

I cannot tell you how many times I have torn my hair out as I have some version of the following conversation with a concerned parent of a child who has recently shown a lack of self-motivation:

“Do you think your child has benefitted from the martial arts?”“Oh yes. Their confidence and focus has improved enormously. I can’t believe how much of a difference this has made.”“Do you think your child will continue to benefit like this from the martial arts if they continue training?”“Yes. It’s just they don’t want to right now so I thought we would just take a break.”

I know what this means. A break, however, usually turns into a hiatus, and usually means not coming back at all. How many people successfully take breaks from their diets, marriages or commitment to not smoke? It doesn’t work that way for adults, never mind for kids.

True commitment requires some level of perseverance. Perseverance is uncomfortable (literally through difficulty). Martial arts trains us well in perseverance; there are aspects of training which are unpleasant and even painful that we take pride overcoming and being victorious over. Good parenting also requires perseverance. Your child may not always be attracted to what is best for him or her. That is your job.

Let me tell you a brief story…A few months, my four year old daughter started to experiment with lying.

Being well versed in the wily ways of four-year-olds, I understood this was typical and tried not to be disturbed. Her reasons for lying were obvious: if successful, she did not have to do something she did not want to. The most frequent lie was about washing her hands after using the toilet. She realized if she said she had done it, and I believed her, she wouldn’t have to bother to actually do it.

Well, eventually I caught her; she was out of the bathroom too fast for a few days and so I used a trick I picked up from one of the dojo parents. I asked her to let me smell her hands (for soap). Well, what happened is that I lectured her, warned her, and even punished her throughout this month long course of repeated lying.

It was painful to make my pig-tailed beauty cry each time I caught her in this fib, but I knew my job and was consistent. In any case, this was many months ago and she now washes her hands regularly, which is good. But it’s not the most important thing. Often, she will run up to me with a gorgeous


smile and tell me ‘daddy, smell my hands! They are clean!’. She has learned to take pride in this simple act and just as proud as she is, I get to smile back and say ‘I know sweetheart, I trust you.’

I know that her pride in being honest and in hand washing will not last forever. This certainly will not be our last honesty lesson. It did remind me, in a micro-cosmic way, though of a parent’s primary role. Teach your

child your values the best you can and be vigilant to steer them back to the path that you feel is best for them. Even if it means you have to make them cry, even if it breaks your heart. This is

who you are: mom or dad, you are a parent and you have a commitment which lasts for both of your lifetimes.

Isn’t my child too young to commit?In some ways, the answer is yes. Let me rephrase the question: Isn’t my

child too young to know the value of commitment? For this question, the answer is almost certainly a yes.

How about this one: Isn’t my child too young to understand the value of honesty? Or Isn’t my child too young to understand the value of respect? It may be that your child is too young, that is why they have you as a parent to make choices for them, to choose the path that best serves their character in the long run and to nudge them or if necessary, drag them back onto the path when they stray.

Most of the things in your child’s life are segmented into short blocks that they can take breaks from and quit. Other sports, for example, only run a few months at a time. I am not sure why this is; maybe because it is more convenient for the parents, the coaches don’t want to commit to year long practices or simply because they depend on fair weather. The result, however, is that kids only have to commit for a short time. In other words, they are expected to quit after just a few months. This year, I have a student who is graduating from High School. She started martial arts when she was 8.

Last year, I had another girl graduate from high school who started training when she was seven. Next year I have two students who will graduate from High School who started in kindergarten and elementary school. Kids can commit. They just need the right support.

If your child is in second grade now, they will be in fifth grade when they get their Junior Black Belt and seventh grade when they get their adult Black Belt Belt, the Shodan. Can you imagine?

“The only limit to your impact is your imagination and commitment.”

—Anthony Robbins


Talk to your instructor this week about what you can do to make this possibility a reality. This starts with your commitment.

Teaching Children the Lessons of a Lifetime

It’s been said, time and again, that for a child to learn what is most important, he must be shown the lessons through example, not through words. And, if we are to nurture certain traits within our children, we must first develop those traits in ourselves.

I’ve been teaching martial arts to children for a decade and a half and I’ve discovered something amazing about children - they want to learn what is expected of them. For all of the ‘button-pushing,’ resistance to your wishes and what-not, children want to know the rules and have a deep-down, almost inherent, need to “do it right.”

Unfortunately, I’ve also discovered that many of the parents who bring their children to our programs live by two deep-seated desires. And even though they express their wishes for their child to develop more confidence, discipline, and respect — not to mention the ability to protect themselves from the dangers that they know exist in the world, they will almost always default to these desires, even though it means that their child may never develop these important traits and abilities.

What are these underlying desires?1. That their child is never angry at them, and2. That they never want to have to say “no.”Is this true about all parents? No, of course not. But it is true about many.Even without these words being spoken, the message is plain and clear

when it comes in the following forms:

“When my child is at home he is now showing respect by not fighting with his sisters and is helping around the house when needed and doesn’t complain or get into trouble.

When I first started at Integrity Martial Arts, I didn’t think my child could memorize all those motions and I didn’t think he would be so dedicated to this but now I’m very proud of him and see how much Thomas loves karate. IMA helps my child stay focused and on task.”

—Elizabeth Charubin,Mother of Thomas Charubin


“She doesn’t want to come to class and I don’t want to force her.”“Really,” I say. “And why not?”‘Excuse me?”, comes the reply. “I don’t understand.”“Well,” I add, “don’t you make her do other things that she doesn’t want to do?” “I’m sure you make her brush her teeth daily, go to school even when

she says she doesn’t want to, and probably a dozen or so more things every day, don’t you?”

“Yes, but that’s different,” is often the reply.“Different?” I ask, “how so?” “Don’t you think this is important?” “Isn’t

it still as important today, as the day you brought her in and said she needed to be confident and learn to protect herself?”

Here’s another one that my staff and I hear regularly.“I’m not going to commit my son to a year (or three year) program.

That’s too long for someone his age. He doesn’t know what he wants”Again, my response is that the parent is missing something in the logic,

if it’s logic that’s driving at all.“Is your child in school?”, I ask.“Of course,” comes the reply.“So you do think that an education is important and will take a

considerable amount of time to prepare your son for the real world?”“Yes. I don’t see what that has to do with karate classes.”“It has everything to do with karate classes, because this is an education

too. One that your son won’t get in school or out of a text book. And, what he learns here in the way of confidence, discipline, pride, respect, and the ability to stand up for what is right, will affect every other part of his life, for the rest of his life.”

Again, I hear, “But this is different.”“How?,” I ask. “He will be going to school for the next eleven to thirteen

years, not counting college. And, I’m sure that you’ll make him go, even on those days when he doesn’t want to.

You will have all the right reasons to explain to him why this is important, right? No sir, this is no different. It is exactly the same. And, if its important for your child to learn the lessons you brought him here to learn, it’s less important whether he likes it or not. And, as for him not knowing what he wants, that’s what we as parents and teachers are here for, isn’t it. To guide, provide opportunities and to give our children what they need, even if it’s not what they want.”

The actress Bette Davis was quoted as saying, “If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent.” I believe this because I believe that my job is not to be my child’s friend, but to be his guide, mentor, and teacher for handling the challenges of life.


If I don’t, then who will? And besides, there’s plenty of time to be his or her friend after they have grown to adulthood, had the same experiences in the world, and can relate on an adult level. There is a huge difference between being ‘friendly’ and being ‘friends.’

To many, I’m sure that all of this seems harsh and many, I’m certain, have already stopped reading altogether. My point is simple. We, as parents and teachers are teaching your children regardless of whether we open our mouths and say the words in the lesson or not.

If we’re to teach our children to do what’s important, not just what feels good…

…if we are to teach them the value of committing to a worthwhile endeavor because it’s worthwhile, not just because it’s easy or convenient...

…if we’re to teach them to not be quitters in the game of life...…we must instill the lessons whether they like us for it or not.How else can we possibly teach, and have our children practice, things

like commitment if we never provide the opportunities for them to commit or allow them to quit because something’s not fun? When was the last time our creditors allowed us to stop paying our bills because doing so wasn’t fun?

Edward, the English monarch once commented in a condescending way that we have the troubles we do because American parents obey their children instead of the other way around.

After a decade and a half of watching and helping parents to help their children, I don’t know if he’s right but I do know that, the parents who are most committed to their child’s development, regardless of the daily whims of the child - this entity who is changing so rapidly that they don’t want the same things from moment-to-moment, let alone from year-to-year - usually have much more successful adults to be proud of when their children grow up. It is those who commit to teaching commitment, and a hundred other lessons, who are blessed with a

“I am committed to getting much better at martial arts. I intend to boost my confidence as that is a large problem for me. I also am committed to getting a sense of responsibility that for superior than what mine is now.

Five qualities that I will develop to become a Black Belt are, Determination, Patience, Confidence, Perseverance, Accountability.”

—Nick Ferris, Age 13


child grown to adulthood who can commit to themselves and others and who can be counted on to ‘be there’ when the going gets tough.

Can you imagine? What a world we would live in if all those we met were such a person

as this.

JONATHAN METCALF is Integrity Martial Arts’ chief instructor and the studio manager. He is a fourth-degree Yodan black belt who is certifi ed by the Instructors Academy of Martial Arts and the Goshin Kempo Jujutsu Kai.

He has studied the martial arts in Taiwan and Nepal in the Himalayan Mountains and has over 16 years of martial arts experience.

Jonathan has additional certifi cations from the Tai Chi Instructor’s Academy and the U.S. Chanbara Federation.

Jonathan holds a B.A. in East Asian Studies from Wesleyan University and is one of only 10 people in the country to be certifi ed as a martial arts instructor with a degree recognized by a higher Board of Education.

Jonathan was recently inducted into the U.S.A. Martial Arts Hall of Fame as Instructor of the Year. In addition, he was recognized as a Hometown Hero for his efforts with disadvantaged youth on Fox 61’s “News at Ten”.


ChaPter 7

Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own self-fulfilling prophecy.”

—Brian Tracy

Confidence

By Robert Blum

People come into my school all the time with the hope that we will be able to help their child develop self-confidence. Some have been told this by their child’s pediatrician; some have read it in an ad or

on-line; but the average person truly doesn’t understand how this takes place. This is what I plan on discussing in this chapter - how and why does our martial arts program effectively help develop a person’s self-confidence?

I am asked quite often why our martial arts program has such a high success rate for helping children become more self-confident compared to other sports. I think the one thing team sports seems to miss is the rewarding of a child for doing something well as an individual.

A perfect example of this took place this past year with my own son. He came to me one day and informed me that he wanted to play baseball. I cringed at these words, but my wife and I always said we would allow him to play other sports if he asked.

So he played the entire season, but on a few occasions he mentioned to me that he didn’t think he was very good. I asked him why and in the words of a seven year old told me it was because the coach always told him to practice his catching or his hitting but hardly ever told him he did something well. What’s truly upsetting about this situation is that my son was one of the better children on the team. This lack of feedback is something we avoid with our martial arts program.

Vince Lombardi once said in an interview that traditional organized sports don’t build character; they simply weed out the ones who don’t already have it. That is what separates our program from every other sport.


It’s not about weeding out the weak ones; it’s about helping those that do have challenges. It’s about helping them overcome those obstacles, build their confidence, build their self-esteem and at the same time, take the kids who already have a healthy level of self-esteem and put them in a leadership role that can help expand their confidence.

We constantly encourage the children by giving them small rewards. If they complete home work sheets, book club cards or their home responsibilities sheets they are presented a reward stripe in front of their classmates. There’s nothing greater to a child than receiving praise in front of their peers. The light in their eyes when they receive that reward is just priceless. This is very important in building a child’s self-confidence.

Our martial arts program has been specifically designed to help our students soar to personal success. Other than take-home worksheets, our program is broken down into several different sections. Each of these sections touches on a specific topic, each of which helps a child to develop more

confidence in them self.The first section of our

program teaches a child how to overcome shyness, and become more outgoing and less introverted. In many cases, parents tend to overlook the fact that confidence is a life skill that is like any other skill, it can be developed. Self-confidence is not something that you are born with or not born with.

It’s something that you can build over time and something that can be improved and multiplied in

human beings. There is only one way to build self-confidence -only one - and that only way is through a repetitive pattern of success.

Our program has been developed to help a child to come out of their shell by taking small steps forward. The program gives the children many small goals to reach for on their way to completing a larger goal. As they accomplish the smaller goals they will begin to gain more and more confidence in their ability to succeed.

This in turn helps increase the confidence they have in their own self.

“Since Stephanie Ertel started training at Just for Kicks, she has built more self esteem, confidence, and self control within herself. She is not as shy, and jumps into everything she does head first. We as a family have made good friends with other families that have the same ambitions and goals.”

—Amy ErtelFishkill, NY


Brian Tracy, one of the most sought after self-help speakers in the world calls this process of setting a small goal and overcoming the obstacles in the way, the master skill of success.

Another way we help a child to become less introverted is by bringing them to the front of the class and allowing them to help with warm ups, or demonstrate a kick or block. By highlighting a student this way, it helps make a child feel special and important. This is another great way to help a child’s self-confidence to soar.

The second section of our program teaches a child how to be a leader, not a loner. I was watching an interview several months ago with Maria Shriver. Maria Shriver is a Kennedy, so she was talking about her childhood, growing up in the Kennedy family, growing up in a mansion on the ranches and what life was like as a child for her. What I think is interesting about the Shriver story, was she talked about dinner conversation in the Kennedy household and it was very different than perhaps it is in our families’ households.

The conversation went something like this - they would sit down as a family, it was a pretty big family, and the discussion that they would have is, “Maria, you did well in school today, what is it that you’re going to do to make the world a better place? What’s your goal? What is it that you’re trying to accomplish in your lifetime so that the universe, the planet, is better after you go than when you got here?” See, I think that that’s a very different conversation than any of us have. I think that dinner conversation facilitates someone thinking globally, rather than thinking only self-centeredly. This is how the Kennedy family develops their family into such great leaders.

We have a very special program in our school called our Elite Leadership Program. This program is what we use to truly develop children into strong leaders. It works on core values, basically everything along the lines from confidence in yourself, the confidence to deal with other people, focus and listening skills, leadership traits, and community service work.

We do a tremendous amount of community service work for the American Cancer Society, for disabled veterans, for citizens groups. We’ve done simple things like town clean-ups and food drives, just basically trying to get children to understand that they’re blessed to be in the position that they’re in. There are a lot of children out there that don’t have the things that they’ve been given in their life. We want them to understand that they need to be able to give back.

That point of view where you’re not just thinking about yourself but you’re thinking about everyone around you and the entire community really helps it sink in to these kids that everything is bigger than just “me”. It’s super important for a child’s level of self esteem not to be only self-centered,


because that typically leads to egoism. The big question is how do we anchor this child, how do we anchor this person into a broader community where they see their role and they have the opportunity to have an expanded role in society. If they can learn that lesson about the reason that they’re here on this

planet is to make it a better place, I think that’s extremely useful for building those type of character and leadership skills in children.

One of the other goals of our program is to try and teach the kids how not to be bully magnets. Over the years we’ve done a lot of homework and a lot of research on why kids are bullied, and what makes them targets. What we’ve found is that 9 times out of 10 the kids that are being bullied are the kids with a lack of self confidence. It’s the child that walks down the hall with his head down and his hands in his pockets and doesn’t want to talk to anybody; they immediately become singled out and become a target.

One of the things that we teach the children right off the bat, is if you can show a sense of confidence, if you can walk with your head held high, shoulders up, back straight and you look like

you’re king of the world, it puts an air about you where you don’t look like an easy target.

Let’s face it, if you were a bully and you were going to pick on a kid, would you pick on the kid who looks confident, looks like he might be able to defend himself, looks like he might go running and yelling and carrying on and doing something that would draw attention to you? Or, are you going to

“I love the program! Sky is so much more active and independent. Only after a month of being here, her teacher approached us and told us her confidence has soared in recent weeks and wanted to know how we did it!

Her social skills with children her age are also improving. She has great ambitions and is benefiting greatly from the Elite program. Skyler now has goals and knows that it takes hard work and dedication to become a black belt, an instructor and an Architect.

Enrolling her in Just for Kicks is the best thing we have ever done for her. I just know she is going to be a successful leader, she is already showing these qualities in school with her peers.”


pick on the little kid hiding in the corner that’s probably not going to say boo and is going to let you take his lunch money every day?

It’s one of the things that we really do stress in our program; you have to look the part.

If you look like a target you’re going to be a target. What we are really talking about is how to influence the people around you without ever saying a word. Have you ever known someone who when they walk in the room the whole room lights up, they haven’t said a word, they haven’t done anything yet, they just have this air about them - it’s not arrogance, it’s just a sense of self confidence. So I think that this is a huge lesson to be learned, and it’s something that’s extremely important for parents to realize that this is a huge benefit of participating in a program like ours.

Another component of our program is teaching children how to be go-getters. I have studied the educational process from the ground up, from preschool age all the way to post-graduate education, and one of the things that I have learned in our research is that the highly touted Ivy leagues, i.e. Harvard, one of the pieces of their success formula is that they start with really good raw material. They have a selection process for their students; they have a pre-qualification process for their students before they come into their school that virtually ensures that they’re going to have the cream of the crop.

We have modeled this same environment. The second piece of this component that is extremely important that has been replicated in our program is the nature of excellence, the nature of good enough is not good enough. It’s the nature of I don’t want to be just a so-so student and be able to accomplish my goal and be okay about it, it’s about wanting to be able to accomplish my goal, but I want to be the best.

I want to really feel like I have accomplished something significant with my time and something significant with my life. When you start looking outside the individual person and start looking into the global universe of your community and families, that really does light the fire under a student and really help a child understand that they have a significant component to contribute to society.

That’s really what can help a child want to be an excellent student, not just an average student. So I think that that’s definitely something that we have accomplished in our program that’s very useful for parents and for families.

The last item that would be important to discuss or perhaps describe is what we call the “yes I can” attitude. I think the nature of having a positive mental attitude in training is important, but how did we make that transcend to home life, to school, to work? What does this look like in the environment that we have created in our school?


One of the big things in my school is that I don’t want to hear “I can’t”. Can’t in my school is a 4 letter word, it’s not allowed to be said, it’s considered a curse, it’s one of those things that is a pet peeve for me. I truly believe that if a kid is having trouble or they are struggling with something, they need to understand that their instructors are there for them on the classroom

floor, their parents are there for them at home, and their teachers are there for them at school. There is never a reason to throw in the towel.

Someone that can help them to get to the point where they can say “I can” is always around, they just have to be willing to find them or ask for help. Let’s face it - children and teenagers are very quick to say I can’t do it, because sometimes they don’t want to spend the extra time and the extra energy to do it. Or they haven’t quite developed the confidence in themselves to just try whatever it is. It’s important that they see the benefit in trying. When they successfully reach that goal of doing something that they didn’t think they could accomplish, the feeling is just amazing!

I can remember when I started my training; I was 5 years old and let me tell you, I was absolutely horrible. I had

no coordination, and I was very shy and kind of lazy. As a matter of fact, I was that way until just before I took my 2nd degree black belt test. However, it wasn’t until when I got older that I truly realized that I wasn’t very good when I started.

The reason for this is that my instructor encouraged me to continue to do

“When Dylan first came to Just for Kicks, he was lacking self confidence and was overweight with a very large attitude; just going to school in the morning was a real chore. After taking classes for a few months we started seeing changes.

He was now walking taller and straighter, not much attitude, grades started improving and most of all he lost 57 lbs. This young man I see before me has made me so proud and so glad he made the choice to take classes.

He has lots of friends from the school, a new girlfriend and is just a really funny, respectful kid. A year ago who would have even thought this would happen.”

—Philomenia KyleBeacon, NY


my best and that was all he wanted to see. I eventually wanted to compete. Had I ever told myself that I stunk and that I was never going to win anything that is probably what would have taken place. Even after I won nothing in my first six tournaments, I continued to push myself and work hard and then the transition to becoming a National level competitor, winning Jr. Worlds, making the Pan Am team, and qualifying for Olympic trials began to take place.

Had I told myself no, no, no, no, no and if there wasn’t somebody on the other side like my parents or my instructor pushing me, I’d have never gotten where I eventually ended up. We see that the same way with the kids with school. I’ve told many students - if you’re having trouble with your homework and mom can’t help you and the teacher can’t stay after school with you, bring it in and we’ll do it with you. We want the kids to know we are there for them no matter what the problem is, and that they can accomplish anything that they put their minds to.

Something that I feel truly embodies the Yes I Can attitude is a quote I once heard. This quote comes from someone who is considered to be one of the greatest minds of all time. Albert Einstein once said that he didn’t believe he was a smart man, he truly believed he came up with the answers he did because he was willing to stick with a problem longer than anyone else would. Another great example of continuing to work hard until you get success comes from Warren Buffett. Warren was once asked what he thought his biggest business failure was. Warren said, look, I don’t have enough fingers, toes or buttons on my calculator to count the number of mistakes I’ve made.

The reason that I’m more successful than perhaps the person next to me is because I’ve been willing to try again. And it didn’t matter to me how many mistakes I made, it only mattered to me how many successes I had. If Warren is right, which I think he is, you only have to be right a few more times than you have to be wrong, and it’s the willingness to get back up and try again that separates the folks who get to the top and become successful in life and the folks who don’t.

I think that this is a tremendously valuable lesson that we are teaching in our school. This in my opinion is something that may escape a parents’ analysis if they are thinking about martial arts as just kicking and punching. If I’m a parent and what I really want is for my child to learn to defend them self, and I want them to be fit, and I want them to learn the art, and I want them to learn a little bit of the sparring that we have I will always tell them that I think that there’s a much bigger picture here and there’s so much more benefit to participating in a program like this than just learning to kick, punch and defend yourself. This is really about how do we serve our


community better, how do we serve our lives better, and how do we live our lives to our full potential.

MASTER ROBERT BLUM has been training in the Martial Arts for 25 years - and holds a 5th degree black belt through Kukkiwan in Korea in Tae Kwon Do.

He been teaching children, teens and adults for the last 15 years and has owned his school for the last 3 years. He is a specialist at working with ADD, ADHD, Aspburgers and Autistic children. As well as in the fi elds of Fitness & Weight Loss & Self-Defense Instruction.

After just his 1st year of owning the school Just For Kicks received the prestigious century gold award. This award is given to the top 100 schools in the country. They then won the award for a second time this past July.


ChaPter 8

“People who work together will win, whether it be against complex football defenses, or the

problems of modern society.”—Vince Lombardi

Teamwork

By Ron Achenbach

Teamwork is the key component to any advancement in life. For the cave men, it was learning to work as a team or starve. Today, our survival is no less dictated by our ability to work as a team, only on

a global scale. It all starts with the individual though, and learning how to be a constructive team member.

When we think of martial arts, we typically think of the self-defense and the physical fitness aspect. Those are definitely key components. We don’t think of it as a team activity. More importantly, we don’t think of it as a leadership development process.

We must look at the roles of the individual in relation to the team. They must first learn to be a good follower, then become a good leader. Also realizing they will shift between both depending how they best give value to the team. Learning along the way how to become leaders of character.

Learning to be a Follower

The first part of being a team member is being a follower. And your child knows they are a follower right away because the instructor is out in front, and they are following the instructors lead. And they are giving specific instructions on what they want the students to do. Then the students start to work with partners. This is where the teamwork starts to unfold. Initially, it’s learning to hold a target for their partner to strike.


Not only are they learning how to take instruction, they also learn to work within a group doing the same thing the same way. Kids as a whole do not understand how to work with other kids. A perfect example is at school. They play a game like dodge ball where kids “pick” people for their team. And depending on when they get picked, there’s a certain amount of self-worth the goes with it. If your child happens to be the last one to be picked their self-esteem drops through the floor. Too often this is a child’s first experience with teamwork. In organized sports, such as soccer, there is the same issue. The children are played evenly, but are not treated evenly by the other players or coaches.

Unfortunately what most other athletic pursuits miss is that it is not all about who is the most athletically inclined, or who is the fastest runner, or who can throw the best. Working as a team means learning to deal with people at their own level. In martial arts we teach students right away that their job, as a team member, is to help that other person be a better martial artist and be a better person. When you put that student in a leadership role and are teaching them how to communicate differently, they learn different ways of assessing and analyzing information. Plus they learn to communicate using the other persons communication style, not just their own.

Learning to be an Interdependent Team Member

The second part is learning to be an interdependent team member. The student learns to work with other students in a very structured way. They are constantly reminded of the benefits of learning to work as a team member. It’s based entirely around the idea “I’m going to help you get better and you’re going to help me get better.” They learn to work as a cohesive unit because they know its how they are going to accomplish the most, and have fun in the process.

There was an interesting study done by Stanford University. They looked at the National Basketball Association. They were looking at how the most successful teams worked. They wanted to know if it was the one or two star players that were key to the team’s success, or if it was teamwork as a whole. What they found was that in one or two games you will have the star players pull ahead and sort of take the game to the big win. But as a whole, the team that did the best throughout the whole season wasn’t the team with all of the star players, but the team that worked together the best.

This starts to translate into the idea of being a team member at home. It’s teaching the child to ask themselves, “How can I help mom and dad? What is it that I can do to make their lives a little bit easier?” We talk to kids on


their very first day about showing mom and dad respect. We tell them one of the best ways to show good respect is doing things the first time mom or dad asks. Along with that we talk to them about being responsible for their things, primarily they toys and their dirty clothes at the end of the day.

Today’s Children

I’m sure most parents realize that today’s children are a much different generation than past generations. They are Gen Y (Generation Why). And this generation wants everything right now, are very individualistic, are multi-taskers, video/ digital oriented, and are driven to figure things out on their own. What they don’t realize is when trying to figure everything out by themselves is the slowest way to get anything done.

This is why it’s so important to develop team spirit within the group. Kids start to understand they are working with like minded individuals. They start to develop synergy because everyone is headed the same way. In turn, they learn they don’t have to have all the answers and they don’t have to figure it out themselves. They can ask their team for help. Suddenly, they start taking the focus off their needs and start paying attention to the needs of others. They start to look to see how they can help the greater good. It creates a situation where the “A rising tide raises all ships.” As the team spirit grows everyone grows with it.

Servanthood Leadership

The best leaders are servant leaders. So leadership development is based around serving the greater good. For students it starts out very small. First, how can I be a good partner in class? Then, how can I help other students in my class or another class? Then, how can I be of more service outside the school? Finally, how can I be more helpful at home and in the community? Suddenly you see a child with strong character traits. And when you see a child like that you can’t miss it. You look at that child and know they are a

“Karate hasn’t only taught him physical skills; it has taught him life skills. We don’t feel that we necessarily paid for his karate training, but instead invested in his life and who he will become.”

—Dale H.De Pere, WI


good kid. You know they are focused and well spoken. And it comes from learning to work with other kids and it builds up from there.

Maria Shriver was giving an interview. In her interview she talked about the conversation around the Kennedy’s dinner table while she was growing up. She said it was virtually the same thing every night. A small part of the conversation was, “What did you learn in school today?” She said the bigger part of the conversation was, “What are you going to do to have a positive impact on the world? What are you going to do to change the world for the better?” It’s never too early to talk to your children about how they can have an impact on the world. The earlier you plant the seed, the more engrained it becomes as a part of their personality.

The Mastermind Effect

We try to teach students early on, through various teamwork drills, they are not going to figure everything out themselves. They will accomplish a lot on their own, but they will accomplish far more by working together with

like minded individuals. This is easy in martial arts because everyone has the same goal, to become a Black Belt Leader. It’s the difference between the dim glow of a flashlight with one battery, and the beam coming from a light with ten batteries. We tell them everyone has something important to contribute.

So part of teamwork training is learning to be a

good listener. We use drills where everyone gets to contribute. So they have to listen to each team member and learn to build off that idea.

With martial arts everyone is like minded and has strong emotional drive toward the same goal. All want to become a Black Belt Leader. The students learn everyone has a good idea. They must learn how to incorporate the variety of ideas to create a great end result. So they must learn to deal with the different learning styles each person on the team has. They come to realize the achievement by the team is much greater than any individual result.

The biggest difference between people who are successes and those who are not is simple. The successful individuals surround themselves with people

“Since joining leadership, Jenna’s confidence level is really improved. She is not afraid to start conversations with others. She will get up in front of people and talk, when previously she would have been in tears.”

—Mike H., De Pere, WI


who can help them overcome failure and adversity. The ones who are not work hard to get things done, but when something goes wrong, they try to figure it out themselves. The people who struggle to obtain a level of success they desire are the one who are slow to implement.

Interpersonal Skills

One of the first things students learn about being a good team member is being courteous. They are learning courtesy is the start of every class with the simple task of handing in their attendance cards. It’s formal with “Thank you ma’am” and “Your welcome Sir” accompanied by a salute. It’s simple, but very effective.

Once they become a part of our Leadership Team we teach them that a strong form of courtesy lies in introductions. Learning how to introduce themselves to one another and how they should interact during an introduction is critical. We constantly remind them, “You only have one chance to make a first impression.” This takes a lot of practice, but it’s amazing how professional they look in a very short period of time.

Students learn when they are courteous the people they interact with will be much more responsive. People, especially their school teachers, will want to be much more helpful. And no one wants to deal with abrupt or rude people, especially kids. But they learn that being courteous right away will take the edge off most rude people.

The idea is that when they greet or meet someone they must be clear and concise, while having good eye contact and speaking clearly. All the skills used here will show courtesy and strong character.

Branching off from effective speech is building rapport, or asking good and clear questions. The best way to build rapport when first introduced is to ask about that person. We focus on the 90/10 rule. Let the other person talk about themselves 90% of the time. Everyone feels more comfortable and important when talking about their favorite subject, themselves. In this manner you can find common ground and relate to this new person.

Another skill is having a positive mental attitude. Kids today are hit with so much negative media, far and away greater than what we were ever hit with. In turn it’s easier for them to beat themselves up and say, “I’m not as good as Johnny,” or “I’m not as fast as Sally.” So as instructors we are constantly reinforcing the idea that it’s all about the student being the best that they can be. So we constantly encourage kids to do only their best and focus only on themselves. We want them to have the attitude that if they don’t get it right, it means they haven’t gotten it right yet! If an issue occurs letting


them know that they just need help with the issue, they are not the issue. Similar to positive mental attitude is emotional control. In martial arts we

participate in tournaments which are strongly encouraged. We want the kids to know that both winning and losing are good things. Everyone should know they are doing a good job. This is reinforced by the instructors as well as the other competitors. We teach that losing is ok, because you need to press on and accept that we must lose in order to win. All champions, both in sports and life, have as many failures as they do wins. Champions just keep trying a little more.

The students learn they won’t get everything right on the first try. They learn as long as they keep trying their team will help them. As time goes on they develop the emotional control to not get upset if they don’t get it right or win the first time.

Whether we have a class competition or students are in a tournament, they must remember to always have humility. If they win they don’t rub it in. They learn to tell their opponent, “good job” whether they win or lose. Because either way the other person made them better. They learn to keep their ego in check.

Paralleling humility is tolerance. Students must learn to tolerate those who may not be able to kick as fast or be as focused. We want them to remember we all have different issues, and must be tolerable of them, because they must tolerate us. Practicing these skills will add experience in leadership as well as being a team member; in doing this they will help their partner become better and in turn better themselves.

One of the biggest parts of teamwork and leadership development is teaching the students to step outside their comfort zone. They must be able to help another student one on one, or give a short speech in front of a group (the number one fear of adults). No easy task. But they do get it. And before long you would think it was a skill they were born with. Warren Buffet was asked what his biggest business blunder was. He replied that it wasn’t a question of the biggest one, but rather a question of the number of them. He stated, “If I only did the things I knew I could be successful at I would never have gone outside my comfort zone to try anything else.” He was successful because of his willingness to try new things.

Tools used to Develop Teamwork Skills

At our school one of the tools we use includes homework sheets. These create self-discipline and good habits. By doing these sheets the kids soon become discipline to be responsible for themselves. They are also rewarded in class with stripes on their belt as they complete the homework. This creates


habits very quickly and allows the parents to see a different approach to building self-discipline. In the end it also teaches the kids that they are on a team with mom and dad.

During class we are constantly using partners to help us get better. In the beginning level classes we explain to the students why it is so important to work together and to be a good partner. They must learn also that our partner isn’t going to be perfect right away, and neither are they.

A great team drill we use in class is messing up the room. One team gets to make a mess with all the pads, papers, etc., and the other team has to pick it up as quickly as possible. Then they switch roles. Sounds simple and straight forward right? There is much more involved in this. We time the kids. Everyone has a job. They all must find ways to communicate and work as a team to get the job done quickly. They learn teamwork makes them most efficient.

Outside of their own class we also let kids help out in other classes. Once they become more advanced in class, and they join our leadership team, they learn to help in other classes. This is how we teach them congruency. When a team member helps an underbelt with a specific technique, they must first make sure they are doing it properly. They learn their words must match their actions. When a martial artist realizes this they hold themselves at a higher standard. They begin to relate it to all aspects of life.

We also have parents help in class. This has two purposes. One is to show the students that mom and dad are part of the team. Two, it allows parents and their children to work in a very unique format of working together. This creates a very unique bonding experience.

In the program we also have student progress checks. Not only do they include martial arts but also their work at home and school. We want to make sure they are on track and fulfilling their responsibilities is a big part of being a team member and leader. The instructors are a part of the family team and want to help as much as possible, not only in martial arts but in all aspects of the student’s life.

Parents Benefits

Students involved in leadership programs and martial arts tend to interact better with their siblings. When one child becomes students, they start to set an example for their siblings. They are more tolerable and react more calmly with their brothers and sisters. And when more than one child is involved a very powerful dynamic takes place. They get along far better.

This teamwork idea also helps them at school. Not only in dealing with


other kids, but also in dealing with teachers. We emphasize that part of having a Black Belt Attitude is getting the best grades possible in school. We know not all children are straight “A” students. But students who are a part of our

leadership team are far more likely to ask a teacher for help with something they don’t understand. This is because of the speaking skills and team skills we work on in class. Suddenly asking a teacher for help is no big deal.

Children learn the same rules apply at home. When kids are young they presume

mom and dad are mind readers. This is defiantly not the case. As they work with a team more and more, and learn to communicate the team, they will also communicate with you better.

Life Long Skills

The goal is to teach children as many character development and team development skills as possible. And the earlier the better. The skills learned and developed now will be applied in college and their future career. Imagine how it looks to an employer when they see your child’s résumé with second or third degree black belt listed. Even though they may have never been involved in martial arts, they know that black belt is a symbol of excellence.

In your child’s future environment, be it the real world or college, they will naturally take on leadership roles instantly. The things being developed now will carry on their whole life to make it a much better and fulfilling one.

Commitment is a major part of success. Teaching children commitment cannot be achieved by the instructor alone. Parents must play the crucial role of letting kids know that even though it’s nice and sunny out now is the time to go to class. Commitment isn’t something of convenience. Parents must let them know they made this commitment, and must stick to it. Students soon grasp the concept of commitment and find themselves committed to more than martial arts. With this your child will be more responsible for themselves, they are going to take care of things and let you know their needs.

In the book What to Say When You Talk to Yourself a chapter is titled 148,000 No’s. To summarize the chapter, by the time a child turns 18 years old, throughout their childhood they heard the word “no” an average of

“Damon has more confidence now in himself than before he started [karate]. He is focusing better and his self-discipline is getting stronger.”

—Donna H., Green Bay, WI


148,000 times. Parents do this to keep their kids safe, not knowing that we are giving them limitations. When young kids reach for a pan on a hot stove parents often quickly say NO. Really we mean stop or another expression other than no. Reacting with that default, negative, limiting word we don’t realize that a limiting pattern is formed. Our children should not be constantly reminded of their limitations, rather let them learn about their many opportunities.

Because of the team effort between the students, the instructors, and the parents, the child will learn strong communication skills. This becomes a crucial foundation in the leadership building process of your child. And as parents become more involved, they learn the skills with the student. Parents, you will learn how to communicate with your child better, with what you want them to do, as well as what you want them to become.

Other parents in this program fi nd their sons and daughters to listen to them more closely. They get their point across quickly, as well as taking in points from their kids. Both parents and children listen and interact more closely to form a strong team, family bond.

Leadership schools do not teach students just martial arts. That is part of it, but it’s so much more. The life skills learned will make them the leaders in classes, in their careers, and overall leaders in life. We strive to teach our students that their goal is to be helpful as a good son or daughter. And reminding them it all starts with a teamwork mindset.

Tomas Edison had 1000 failures before he found a way to make a light bulb light up. What most people forget is he had a team of scientists working with him the whole time. Without them, we might still be in the dark. It’s the end result that counts. In martial arts we strive to have an end product involve more than just physical capabilities. We want to learn what this leadership program is all about.

RON ACHENBACH started his martial arts training at age 23, after a friends recommendation. After much research, he decided to join one of the Karate America Schools in the Madison, Wisconsin area in the spring of 1993.

Ron was awarded his First Degree Black Belt in the spring of 1997. Following that, he continued on to earn his Second Degree Black Belt in the spring of 2000. During the spring of 2003 he


earned his Third Degree Black Belt. And most recently, in the spring of 2008 he earned his Fourth Degree Black Belt.

His early martial arts career was geared heavily toward competition. But as he became an advanced belt he started to gravitate more toward teaching. By the time he was 26 he moved to Green Bay to become a full time martial arts instructor. In the fall of 2000, Ron became the owner of Karate America De Pere.

Ron is part of the largest group of martial arts schools in Wisconsin, as well as being a member of the National Association of Professional Martial Artists (NAPMA). This has allowed him to train with many of the top school owners from around the world, in turn being able to implement the best teaching curriculum and strategies for leadership development being used today.

Students who are accepted to his leadership team are introduced to an entirely new type of training, which will help them excel to become leaders of character.


ChaPter 9

“You were not born a winner, and you were not born a loser. You are what you make

yourself be.”—Lou Holtz

Self Esteem

By Charles Dudley

What Is Self-Esteem? A dictionary definition would be something like - Self-esteem is the collection of beliefs or feelings we have about ourselves, our “self-perceptions.”

While this definition is true, it is much more than that. It is how we define ourselves and affects our motivations, attitudes, emotional adjustment and ultimately our behavior. How we handle the stress and growing opportunities in our lives will be predicated by our Self Esteem. Self Esteem has more to do with ultimate success in life than anything else. It is the foundational bedrock that other attributes such as Self-Respect, Self-Confidence, Self-Discipline, Leadership and others are built upon.

Another way of thinking about a very complex and vital part of our psyche is to understand that Self-esteem is our mindset. Our mindset is the lens or prism through which we see our world, which determines our expectations and ultimately, our reality.

If our minds are calm and balanced then we see things much clearer, or things as they really are. We make more correct decisions thus reaping the bounty of those decisions. When we have a negative self-image, our minds are clouded, thus coloring everything with that negativity. This affects every aspect of our lives, creating negative self-fulfilling expectations and results, and also not only affects ourselves but, also those that we care about and have responsibility for.

Because this is such a powerful force in our lives, the development of a positive Self-image must be treated with great care.


In her book Your Child’s Self-Esteem, Dorothy Corkville Briggs, educator and child counsellor, says:

“Your child’s judgment of himself influences the kinds of friends he chooses, how he gets along with others, the kind of person he marries, and how productive he will be. It affects his creativity, integrity, stability, and even whether he will be a leader or follower. His feelings of self-worth form the core of his personality and determine the use he makes of his aptitudes and abilities. His attitude towards himself has a direct bearing on how he lives all

parts of his life. In fact, self-esteem is the mainspring that slates every child for success or failure as a human being.”

One of the highest priorities of a parent should be developing positive self esteem in their children. In my experience as a Martial Arts Instructor for many years, I have worked with hundreds of families.

One of the things I consistently see, is while

many parents are very dedicated to their children, they are confused by the various, contradictory, information on the methods of raising great kids.

In the beginning, children learn by failing at first, then continued repeated attempts results in success. This teaches them that the way of success is continue trying and develops an attitude of “I can do this.” Of course, as a responsible parent, we have to put the brakes on these endless attempts at doing everything, for safety’s sake.

There is resistance on the child’s part. This is commonly called the terrible two’s. You see, the confusion begins early. We want our children to have high self esteem and self confidence, but we consistently have to tell them NO. A parent must clearly define what the rules are and must be very consistent in positively supporting their child. A child’s developing self esteem will be based on the interaction with others. It is very important that, in spite of constantly telling children NO, parents must help their children believe in themselves.

As our children get older they consistently seek our approval. This is when the waters get a little murkier. How many times have you heard, “Mom,


Dad, watch me, watch me”, while they attempt to show you something they just learned to do or think they learned to do? We must be supportive while at the same time, stop them from doing something that could result in serious injury. How we interact with them determines whether they feel loved or not. This is a big factor in whether a child has good or bad self esteem. There are two components of self esteem, competency and feelings of being loved.

If a child achieves a success and does not feel loved, the child may experience low self esteem. Also if there is self-doubt about competency, although feeling loved, low self-esteem could be the result. It is a positive balance of the two components we seek in the process of developing positive self-esteem.

Self-esteem fluctuates as a child grows. It’s frequently changed and fine-tuned, because it is affected by a child’s experiences and new perceptions.

Children with low self-esteem may not want to try new things, and may frequently speak negatively about themselves: “I’m stupid,” “I’ll never learn how to do this,” or “What’s the point? Nobody cares about me anyway.” They may exhibit a low tolerance for frustration, giving up easily or waiting for somebody else to take over.

They tend to be overly critical of and easily disappointed in themselves. Children with low self-esteem see temporary setbacks as permanent, intolerable conditions, and a sense of pessimism predominates.

Children, as they get older, need third-party validation. Their world expands to extended family members and other friends. School, outside activities such as organized sports, specialized training and other social groups become much more important. Interacting, interpreting and learning from their experiences with these expanded groups have an ever increasing impact on their developing self-esteem. It is not that Mom and Dad become less important, quite the contrary, they are the life guides needed to help their child keep a clear mind as they are developing.

Children expect their parents to tell them they are great and support them, even though children know when they are not, so parent input is a little less believable, although still extremely important.

Children with healthy self-esteem tend to enjoy interacting with others. They’re comfortable in social settings and enjoys group activities as well as independent pursuits. When challenges arise, they can work toward finding solutions and voice discontent without belittling themselves or others. For example, rather than saying, “I’m an idiot,” a child with healthy self-esteem says, “I don’t understand this.” They know their strengths and weaknesses, and accept them. A sense of optimism prevails.

Students at my school marvel when I tell them stories of when I was a


kid. You know, how I rode my bike to school several miles each day in the heat of summer and the cold of winter, uphill, both ways. Actually, that is not far from the truth, well at least not the uphill, both ways part.

Thinking back, I realize I had a great childhood. I had loving parents, great friends, and I learned to do a lot of things out of necessity as we had to make a lot of the things we played with. My neighborhood consisted of how far I could ride my bicycle to and from in a day. If you saw the movie, The Sandlot, you have an idea of what it was like. Still, there were many times when my self-esteem suffered.

That is due to my experiences growing up of self-doubt about accomplishments, and wondering if I could measure up to my parents and friends’ expectations. I like, everyone else, was swayed by some degree by peer pressure, both positive and negative. I had many friends that did not make through the teen years unscathed. I had several friends that did not make it at all. I often wondered, sometimes with much anguish, why everything had to be so difficult.

I did not understand at the time, but I was looking for a way to make sense of everything and stop the roller coaster. A major turning point for me was at the age of sixteen, when I began training in Martial Arts.

“Martial Arts is Life and Life is Martial Arts!” It is the same thing. Training in Martial Arts training taught me valuable lessons about people and life. It provided a way of seeing the world that did not sway with emotion. Nothing is impossible if you strive for continual self-improvement.

Martial Arts training brings everything down to the bottom line. “Is it true, is it effective, will it work, is it in alignment with who I am as a person or does it work for and with me?” These principles I came to understand as my journey in the Martial Arts progressed. The training forced me to focus and control my mind. My Self-esteem grew as my mental and physical skills increased. The roller coaster ride started slowing and evening out.

Over time I became very accomplished in my chosen profession as a pictorial artist and designer in the outdoor advertising industry using the same skill sets that served me well in my Martial Arts life. Again, “Martial Arts is Life and Life is Martial Arts!” After twenty plus years, I decided to change my profession and follow my other passion and became a professional Martial Arts instructor.

As a professional Martial Arts instructor, I joined the ranks of my other colleges who are able to more directly, positively, effect change in the lives of our families. One story, out of many we in our profession could tell, is one of my students named Valyssa.

Valyssa first came to our school, she was like most people. She was a


good kid, made average grades, sometimes below average. Her parents felt a bit overwhelmed at times, as you know it is not easy being a parent. As they expressed their concerns to me, I could see what was in store for Valyssa if she continued to walk the path with us. This path is not always easy for the student, or the teacher, or the parents for that matter.

One of the qualifications for a student to test for Black Belt is, any student in school, any school, has to make A’s and B’s on their report card. This rule is absolute. Valyssa began training hard. Because of the expectations regarding grades she focused more on them too, but she struggled. As she climbed through the ranks, she made a little progress on her grades but not to Black Belt standards. When she became Dan Bo Nym (Black Belt Candidate), six months prior to her scheduled Black Belt test, she showed us her report card. She did not have the grades to be able to test.

I told her, “Valyssa, you have grown strong in our school and understand the concepts of the Leadership Program. You are able to do things easily you just dreamed about doing just three short years ago. If you are strong enough to go through the training to prepare for your test, then you are strong enough to take command of your life, which is what a leader does. I expect you to take care of these grades. Do I have to tell you how to correct this problem or are you going to take command of it yourself?’ She looked me in the eyes and said, “Sir, I’m going to take command of it myself.”

The next day Valyssa, a fifth grade student, enrolled herself into tutoring--not her parents, not her teacher. As expected she began getting A’s and B’s. She was so proud of herself, I was too and you can imagine what her parents thought. Everything was going fine until two months prior to the end of school, which also corresponded with her scheduled Black Belt test.

Her teacher took her out of tutoring. Valyssa became very concerned. She


could not afford a slipup at this time. Her teacher assured her that everything was fine. Two months later, I happened to be at Valyssa’s school when the students received their report cards on the last day of school. Valyssa saw me in the hall and walked up to me. I looked into her teary eyes and I knew what had happened.

I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. Her report card showed A’s and B’s and one, single C. She had missed the B by two points. I could tell she wanted me to tell her it was okay, that she would test anyway. I wanted to, but I cared about her too much to do it. I told her, “You know what that means.” She just said, “Yes Sir,” and looked down. I gave her a hug and she walked away, crying.

I walked to her classroom to ask her teacher what happened. Her teacher looked surprised and said, “But she passed.” I told her teacher, “I know she passed, but in our school we expect our students to excel. Her goal was A’s and B’s to accomplish something she has been working on for three years. She explained that to you, why did you take her out of tutoring when she didn’t want to stop?”

Her teacher became a little offended and said, “I don’t see the problem, SHE PASSED and those are her grades!” I said, “I didn’t come in here to ask you to change her grades. I just wanted to know what had happened and now I know. You’re right, you unfortunately, don’t see the problem, and Valyssa has to live with what she is responsible for and she alone is responsible for her grades and I’ll deal with that. Thank you for your time.” That was Valyssa’s challenge, working with someone, although a very competent teacher, who had a different expectation of outcome. The teacher’s agenda and Valyssa’s agenda were not the same. Valyssa’s self-esteem took a big hit that day.

Valyssa’s father is in the military. He was being sent overseas two weeks after the scheduled Black Belt test and we did not know when he would be back. Valyssa’s parents were looking forward to watching her test for the Black Belt that she had been working on for three years and earning the belt that reflected whom she had become. The next opportunity for testing was six months away, as Black Belt testing is only held twice a year. Her father would not be here at that time.

I discussed the situation with Grandmaster Yang. Under these extenuating circumstances, it was decided that she could test and provided she passed the exam, she could participate in the promotion ceremony with her father here to see it. Afterwards Valyssa would have to give back the Black Belt, Formal Uniform and the IKF Rank Certificate since she was not eligible and would be promoted only when she fixed the problem with her grades.

Valyssa performed extremely well on her test and scored very high.


Everyone was excited for the testing students and Valyssa’s parents were very proud, as was everyone else, of what she had accomplished so far. After the promotion ceremony and everyone was gone, she gave back the belt, uniform and rank certificate with a sad face. I reminded her that, “A Black Belt is who you are, not what you wear. There are no shortcuts. If you want this back, then take command and make it happen.”

The next Monday was the first day of Summer Camp. Valyssa came to me and asked if she could speak to me. “How can I help you, Valyssa?” She said, “Mr. Charles, I don’t know what to say to my friends. They saw me test and go through the promotion ceremony for Black Belt. They keep asking me why I am wearing my Dan Bo Nym belt. Why I am not a Black Belt.” I told her, “Valyssa, how does it feel? She responded, “Bad.” “Good,” I told her, “I want you to feel it real deep, because in the future when you face a challenge and you want to quit or run away from it, remember how this feels.

How did it feel when you were receiving your Black Belt from Grandmaster Yang and we all were watching you proudly. Compare the two feelings. Are you a Black Belt or not?” She said, “I am, Sir.” I said, “You are in Leadership Program, so LEAD. You are in a unique position to help the other students in our school. You can tell them that when Mr. Charles says you have to have A’s and B’s on your report card, he means A’s and B’s. He is not playing. Are you going to quit and not earn your Black Belt?” She said adamantly, “No Sir! I am going to get my Black Belt.” I looked her in the eye and said, “Then tell them! Show them what ‘perseverance’ means. Show them how you will not be stopped. Show them what a Black Belt really is. Show them the path and LEAD them on it.” She said proudly, “Yes Sir!” I asked her, “Do I really need to tell you what to say?” She said, “No, Sir, I can do that myself. She spent the next two weeks talking to all the students, telling them what a Black Belt is and to watch her and see what she does.

The next school year started. She was in sixth grade, middle school, with all the new challenges. She worked through the first nine-week period studying hard. Everyone could see it in her face when she brought in her


report card. All A’s and B’s. She said, “Now may I have MY Black Belt?” You can imagine the cheers as I wrapped her Black Belt around her waist and presented her to the school.

You might think the story ends here but it doesn’t. The most powerful part happened next. Valyssa had taken command of her life. She had made A’s and B’s on her own. She truly took responsibility for her grades. She then realized that if she could make A’s and B’s on her own then she could also make straight A’s as well. She finished out sixth grade as a straight A student.

How Can You Help Develop a Healthy Self-esteem in Your Child?

Be careful what you say. Say what you mean and mean what you say. So be careful what comes out of your mouth. It is very difficult to raise children without being overly critical sometimes. Be truthful with them. If you make a mistake, then say so. This teaches that making a mistake does not make you or them a bad person, thus encouraging low self-esteem. They or you just made a mistake. Just take responsibility for it and fix it. Praise, correct, praise, in that order.

If your child tries at something and fails, avoid saying something like, “you will do better next time.” This sets the failure up as a permanent loss. Better to tell the truth and say something like, “You didn’t do it this time so let’s fix it and try again. It is not over yet.” People don’t fail until they stop trying and you are not raising your child to be a failure!

Model what you want for them. Do as I say, not as I do, doesn’t work. Be the positive role model you want for your child. Bring others into their lives that exhibit the same values you want for your child. Make sure you are working on your self-esteem. Be kind and forgiving to your child and to yourself.

Help your child see him or herself as they really are. This is difficult, especially when most adults don’t do it. Help them not be overly critical of themselves or have irrational beliefs about what is expected in appearance, ability, or limitations. Making statements like, “I am not good in math,” lowers self-esteem and implants a lie in their mind which will be self-fulfilling. Correct this by saying something like, “you are a good student, we will work harder to beat this subject too.”

Give you child affection! Tell your child everyday you love them. Even if they do something that you get angry about. Tell them the truth. The truth is you do love them, so tell them. Give them hugs. I know they don’t want you to when they get older, or so they say.

Do it anyways and tell them you love them! They will get over it...really

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they like it, they just don’t want it to appear that way to their friends. So maybe cut them a little slack, just a little, in front of their friends.

Tell them how they are doing and guide them. When giving feedback remember, praise, correct, praise is very powerful. In our Martial Arts class when a child is slacking and not trying his or her best doing, for example, their low stance. We will stop the class and point out someone near them that is an excellent example and praise them. At that time the others will lower their stance.

We continue for a few moments longer and we will stop the class again point out the stance of the child that, just a second before was slacking, is now showing excellent technique or effort. That guidance now establishes the standard for that child in a positive way. One they want.

Give you child guidelines that don’t move. Helping a child develop a positive self-esteem is hampered by rules and guidelines that are constantly changing with your emotional state. This is very confusing for an adult, much more for a child with no life experience to help guide the way.

Remember your purpose in life is to guide your child to be a strong, positive, successful adult, not to be his or her friend. They have lots of friends, they only have you for parents. You are too important to be lowered to the status of a friend. Your guidance has to be constant and consistent.

Guide your child’s experiences. Help your child become involved in activities and experiences that support your value structure. The experiences you choose will help shape your child’s self-esteem, emotional and physical development. Make sure your child becomes accomplished at something.

I hear many times from parents, they want their child to experience as much as possible. While this may sound good, it really sets up a pattern of quitting. The child never rises to an accomplished level at anything. With no sense of true accomplishment, they are more vulnerable to the negative forces working against them. I know many high level Martial Arts students play team sports also, and are very good, thus have a great sense of accomplishment along with higher levels of experiences that are acceptable to their families’ values.

Also help your child be involved in experiences where they help or mentor others such as a leadership program. As I tell my students, “even a single candle can be seen from afar in the darkness. So let your light shine bright, you never know who you are leading home to safety.”

For the benefit of our society, community, family and ourselves, we must all strive for a more balanced, less stressful, productive life. One that is in harmony with our responsibilities as human beings. Everything you need is at your fingertips, all you need to do is to ask and make a committed effort for a better life.


MASTER CHARLES DUDLEY has been training for approximately 37 years in fi ve different systems. He has a 5th-dan in Taekwondo, a 4th-dan in Kung Jung Mu Sul and Black Belts in the others. His school is located in San Antonio, Texas, and currently teaches Kung Jung Mu Sul, which is one of the three original root systems of Korea. It’s a very traditional system and he’s a very traditional instructor.

He runs his school, based on historical tradition. For example, throughout history, as a general rule, a martial arts school was central to its town. Martial artists often served like the sheriff or the protector of the village. The school was also the public library or school of education; it was essentially the cultural center. We’ve adapted that concept at our school, when it comes to our relationships with our students.


aboUt oUr aUthors

Toby MilroyChiefOperatingOfficer.NAPMANationalAssociationofProfessionalMartialArtists

Toby Milroy is a lifelong martial artists, beginning his martial arts career in 1979. He went on to earn Black Belts in several styles of martial arts, currently a 4th Degree Black Belt in Traditional Taekwondo, 3rd Degree Black Belt in Songahm Taekwondo, and

2nd Degree Black Belt in Hapkido among others.Mr. Milroy transitioned from operating successful martial arts schools, to

now helping thousands of martial arts school owners, and the martial arts school industry through the National Association of Professional Martial Artists.

His mission is to dramatically raise the standards for professional martial arts instruction, and to spread the benefits of training in a professional martial arts program throughout the nation and the world!

He can be reached at NAPMA.com oe [email protected]

Shihan Mike PaceShihan Michael Pace started his training

in 1967 in a system called Amdo which means American way. The system was similar to mixed martial arts today and contained elements of karate, jiu-jitsu, aikido, judo, kung fu as well as other arts.

After a number of years in this system Pace switched to Goshin-ryu karate, a form of Okinawan

karate. He has continued training and teaching this system to this day. Over the years he has competed in many tournaments in both forms and

sparring as well as conducted his own tournaments for area martial arts enthusiasts. For many years Shihan Pace taught karate for his Instructor, Hanshi

John Stellingwerf who is a tenth degree black belt and Grandmaster. In 1990 Pace opened his own karate school. A few years later he was

teaching as a full time martial arts instructor.


He has been an avid student of both the martial arts and personal development for over forty years. His passion has always been sharing and teaching his art with others.

In 2006, Shihan Pace was inducted into the United States Martial Arts Hall of Fame as a pioneer in karate and self defense. In early 2008 he was promoted to 9th degree black belt. He is presently the president of the Goshin-Ryu Karate Association and teaches daily in his studio in Vernon, NJ.

Sensei Shawn HarveySensei Shawn Harvey is the first small

circle jujitsu black belt in Bermuda and the only international small circle jujitsu black belt from Sensei Ed Melaugh.

He has over 14 years of jujitsu training and has been instrumental in developing young children in Bermuda.

Sensei Shawn Harvey is the CEO and VP Sales & Marketing at the Bermuda Small Circle Jujitsu & Fitness Kickboxing Acadamy.

Sensei Shawn Harvey also has a degree in Commercial Underwriting, Electronic Engineering and is a licensed real estate investor.

Jonathan MetcalfJonathan is Integrity Martial Arts’ chief

instructor and the studio manager. He is a fourth-degree Yodan black belt who is certified by the Instructors Academy of Martial Arts and the Goshin Kempo Jujutsu Kai.

He has studied the martial arts in Taiwan and Nepal in the Himalayan Mountains and has over 16 years of martial arts experience.

Jonathan has additional certifications from the Tai Chi Instructor’s Academy and the U.S. Chanbara Federation.

Jonathan holds a B.A. in East Asian Studies from Wesleyan University and is one of only 10 people in the country to be certified as a martial arts instructor with a degree recognized by a higher Board of Education.

Jonathan was recently inducted into the U.S.A. Martial Arts Hall of Fame as Instructor of the Year. In addition, he was recognized as a Hometown Hero for his efforts with disadvantaged youth on Fox 61’s “News at Ten”.


Master Robert BlumMaster Blum is the winner of 25 US National

titles and has trained and coached over 30 US National Champions.

He was inducted into the Martial Arts Hall Of Fame Five Times in career. The first time was in 2000 as Martial Arts Competitor Of The Year, and the second was in 2002 as Instructor Of The Year.

In June of 2005 he was inducted as Tae Kwon Do Master Instructor Of The Year. Later that year he was inducted again for his dedication to helping develop today’s youth into the leaders of tomorrow through our character development program.

My most recent induction was in 2006 as he was given a Career Contribution To the Martial Arts Award.

He’s qualified for the NBL World Games from 1996-1998 and from 2000-2006 and was invited to try out for the United States Pan-am Tae Kwon Do Team in 1998.

He was asked to be a member of the US Karate Team in 2002 and now a certified life skills and character development coach through the powerful words character development program and held a leadership position within IBM Corp. for 7 years.

Ron AchenbachRon started his martial arts training at age

23, after a friends recommendation. After much research, he decided to join one of the Karate America Schools in the Madison, Wisconsin area in the spring of 1993.

Ron was awarded his First Degree Black Belt in the spring of 1997. Following that, he continued on to earn his Second Degree Black

Belt in the spring of 2000. During the spring of 2003 he earned his Third Degree Black Belt. And most recently, in the spring of 2008 he earned his Fourth Degree Black Belt.

His early martial arts career was geared heavily toward competition. But as he became an advanced belt he started to gravitate more toward teaching. By the time he was 26 he moved to Green Bay to become a full

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time martial arts instructor. In the fall of 2000, Ron became the owner of Karate America De Pere.

Ron is part of the largest group of martial arts schools in Wisconsin, as well as being a member of the National Association of Professional Martial Artists (NAPMA). This has allowed him to train with many of the top school owners from around the world, in turn being able to implement the best teaching curriculum and strategies for leadership development being used today.

Students who are accepted to his leadership team are introduced to an entirely new type of training, which will help them excel to become leaders of character.

Master Charles DudleyMaster Charles Dudley is the Texas Master

Regional Instructor for The International Kung Jung Mu Sul Federation, Founder and President of the Texas Martial Arts Council, and Inner Circle member of the National Association of Professional Martial Artists. In 2009, bringing the end to a nine year war, he brought together and led a body of martial artists and other Texas

youth sports representatives to pass legislation exempting Texas youth sports programs from government regulation. He now serves as an advisor to the State of Texas regarding issues dealing with youth sports regulation.

Master Dudley began his journey in the martial arts in 1970 when his uncle, a Shotokan Karate instructor in a nearby city, sought out his first martial arts instructor. Holding rank in five different martial art systems, as well as participating in many training camps and seminars conducted by a wide range of leading masters and instructors, Master Dudley is currently studying and teaching Kung Jung Mu Sul under Grandmaster Soon Tae Yang. His journey in the martial arts way for forty years has given Master Dudley strong insight as to how the martial arts philosophy directly applies to everyday life.

Master Dudley’s instructing methods have been developed over years of working with hundreds of students and their families. He uses the excitement, challenges, fun and discipline of the martial arts to teach valuable life skills. The techniques he employs are age appropriate and are designed to effectively guide the student to reach his or her maximum potential.


testimonials

Stories From Real Students and Parents Just Like You!

“The program is not only physically educational but mentally. I love that it is also family friendly. The growth and changes in my child that I have seen are great. He is more confident in meeting new people. I also believe he is more confident in himself as a person. Thank you Master Blum & Staff!!”

—LaVern Spencer

“I think your program is fabulous. I especially love the Matt Chat at the end of class. The “word of the month” is great! Your instructors are awesome too! Michael John is very focused and is doing well in school.”

—Angela Molina

“My children have only been attending Integrity Martial Arts or less than a year and we have seen a great improvement in listening skills and learning to show respect. I look forward to seeing them continue to learn and improve every week. Thank you for being so dedicated to teaching my children not only the fundamentals of Martial arts, but also the skills that will help them in all aspects of life.”

—Michelle Thompson, Mother of Twin Girls Kylie and Heather

“Karate has taught him the respect, discipline and punctuality that are so incredibly helpful to the shaping of his character. We are truly thankful.”

—Angelica E., De Pere, WI

“The program is structured and organized. Kids do learn stuff from it. She is more open and she is more patient when learning new things.”

—Qi Lin Xing

“Tyler has shown much improved focus and confidence in his first three months.”

—Kimberly McCollum

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“Luis now has greater confidence in himself and he interacts so much more with friends since he began the Just For Kicks Program”

—Angel Huertas

“Karate hasn’t only taught him physical skills; it has taught him life skills. We don’t feel that we necessarily paid for his karate training, but instead invested in his life and who he will become.”

—Dale H., De Pere, WI

“We are so proud of the leadership he has shown and the leader he has become. His teachers at school often comment on what a great leader he can be. The karate skills, but more importantly, the LIFE skills that have been taught have had a lot to do with the fine young man that he is.”

—Kim L., Pulaski

“I feel [Karate] has helped instill this value of staying focused and completing a task. It teaches respect, discipline, and the confidence to do well and be proud of yourself. Kicking and wearing a cool uniform is just a perk.”

—Doreen S., De Pere, WI

“Kierans’s attitude is improving greatly in just the few short months we have been in the program.”

Elaine Kacur

“I am very pleased with the program. The instructors are fantastic! Sofia already in 2 weeks shows much better attitude and she absolutely loves it.”

—Marisa Viggiano

“N I started Bobby & Diana here at IMA to increase self confidence and to maintain physical health and strength, but what I also found was how the lessons in class have carried over into other areas — school, friends, etc. Sensei Jonathan speaks to them in ways they can easily understand and keeps the class fun. All the children are comfortable talking with him. I would recommend this program for any home school child because it is additional reinforcement for respect, discipline, and self control. The lessons we teach at home.”

—Dorothy Leach, Enfield, Homeschool mother of Bobby, age 10, and Diana, age 6


“The program is excellent! Alyssa’s following direction at home has improved. Respect has been reinforced since she started the program.”

—Jay Vollaro

“The program is really good, and I like the new rotation curriculum. The changes I have seen in Sean are fantastic, he is so much more focused.”

—Tonya Lawrence

“Karate has helped me focus in school on games, handle hard work, and has given me a never-give-up attitude.”

—Ben (age 10), De Pere, WI

“We have noticed a big change in Christopher since we started the Elite Program and karate. Some benefits that we have seen is that it has built his self confidence. He has more energy and he likes and enjoys practicing. His attitude toward physical activities has improved greatly. He likes the use of all the weapons.”

—Mrs. Crawley

“Teachers, family and friends all say he has been much more focused. Karate has been one of the most positive, beneficial, and fun activities Logan has participated in.”

—Cindy R., Green Bay, WI

“When we enrolled James in your karate school we did not know the positive effect it would have on James. Since 2000 he has learned to concentrate on what is important to him, set goals, and also how to make commitments and keep them.

He enjoys the physical part of karate. The instructor’s at your school are a great influence on the kids. It is nice to see James grow with the help of everyone at Pace. Thanks.”

—Jim and Sandi Londino, Vernon, NJ

“He started [karate] about 4 months ago. I’ve noticed a huge improvement in his self-confidence, coordination, and ability to follow directions.”

—Theresa G., Green Bay, WI

“Since joining just for kicks, Brookelynn has become more outgoing and more self assured. When we first came to this school she did what was expected of her and always wanted more. She rarely spoke with instructors

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and other students, as she moved up in rank she has just blossomed. She now jokes or plays jokes on instructors, laughs and goofs around with other students, she feels confident and sure enough to help assist with little Dragons or help other students. She now Kia’s, breathes, and introduces herself at tournaments and in class which is so tremendous.

Brookelyn is currently enrolled in the Elite Class, I feel this has been beneficial to her growth, she as an Elite has the added benefit of attending any class anytime, for the type of physically active child that Brookelynn is, this is awesome. If she feels she needs to work on something she may have forgotten (white belt, yellow belt forms) she will attend that class so she can review what she needs. Some may complain about the cost of the Elite Program, but for me the benefits and the results are all I need, and given the opportunity to do things this way again I would in a heartbeat.”

—Philomena Kyle

“Eli is definitely not as shy as he was when he started. He is much more comfortable in large groups.”

—Dean R., De Pere, WI

“I have seen Trey improve in his self-confidence, his socialization, and his responsibility. I am also very impressed at the dedication he shows in reaching his goal of his next belt.”

—Starr Dinio

“I started Audrey and Jason Lee in martial arts because I thought my children would benefit by learning more control over their behaviors, as well as their bodies and coordination, but what I also found was they wanted to do well with all they were learning. They wanted to practice and get it right. Not for me, but for themselves. I was worried that the martial arts would teach my children to be aggressive but what I found was it was more about testing themselves and learning their limits, and even exceeding them. Right away I was so impressed by the way Jonathan at Integrity Martial Arts teaches the children. He doesn’t just want the children to learn karate. He wants to teach them to be good people. When I looked into the dojo and saw them laughing I knew they were working hard, but having fun.”

—Katy Lee, mother of Audrey, age 7, and Jason, age 6

“Damon has more confidence now in himself than before he started [karate]. He is focusing better and his self-discipline is getting stronger.”


—Donna H., Green Bay, WI

“It has given him self-confidence, respect, pride and a goal to be, and act like a black belt. It is worth every penny and will be returned to your child, and you, ten fold in benefits and skills!”

—Lori C., Green Bay, WI

“When I started at Just for Kicks, I was accepted as a member of the family. I came here overweight, no energy, no stamina, and just no desire to do much. Now I’ve lost weight and have built up my energy and stamina. I also compete on a regular basis. I have learned a lot from Master Blum and the rest of the staff that after I receive my black belt in June 2009 I will still be here training. They make it fun to learn and train.”

—Eric Rushing

“Mentally, this program has changed him. He is much more in control emotionally and a lot more confident in himself. I am glad he is a part of an excellent, well rounded program that will be with him forever.”

—Kristine B., Green Bay, WI

“My life has definitely improved since starting [karate]. I am more disciplined with my homework by getting it done faster and trying harder on it. I have also been able to make more friends. Plus it makes me feel good about myself.”

—Trent (age 13), De Pere, WI

“He has grown to have respect for adults, patience and discipline. He takes responsibility for the things he does and does not do. He has received many compliments for using his manners.”

—Eric R.. De Pere, WI

“I got my black belt! It took me 12 years and 4 schools to finally get it, JFK being the 4th and final school. While in the previous 3 schools, I lasted no more than 2 ½ years in any of those schools. I am going on 3 ½ years at JFK and not leaving. JFK has taken me from a raw talent to not only a 2nd Dan Black Belt but also a serious competitor. JFK has also helped me mature more as an adult and has helped me get through some of the most difficult times of my life. I feel welcomed and loved and I felt that way ever since my first trial class. This is home to me.

—Elite member since September 2007


“It has taken my training to a whole different level. It’s given me new material to learn and has actually enhanced my basic training. I can never say that I am bored in class”

—Christina Jimenez

“Your school and the people involved with it have been a positive influence on Ryan and Matthew; one that will stay with them for a lifetime. Pace Institute of Karate is a wonderful place to learn and grow. We’re very happy we found you. Thank you so much.”

—Jennifer and Bob Sunda

“Your Martial Arts Program has helped Tyler with his coordination and it has really helped boost his self-esteem.”

—Audra Murray

“Dante has become so much more confident and he feels so much less stressed in certain situations. He has learned how to be forward and confident with bullies and he is really moving in such a positive direction.”

—Nicky Avitable

“I have twin girls who are 6 years old. Recently we worked on a project for their blue belt advancement called Generosity. When asked what my children were grateful for, the spoke of toys and candy. This prompted a discussion about things they should be grateful for, like shelter and food. I explained how there were families in our community who didn’t have as much as we have and some who find it difficult to buy food. We decided to purchase some non-perishable food items and donated them to our local fire department for the annual food drive. It was a great lesson for my kids to learn. I am really glad we were given this project to work on and the opportunity to have this type of discussion with them.”

—Michele Thompson, Enfield, CT mother of 6-year-old twins

“The program is wonderful and even after a short time; it has made a big difference. Christian’s coordination has improved; even his school has pointed this out.”

—Karen Carvalho

“We love the program. We feel that Patrick is benefiting from being in the class. He seems to be paying attention more to adults other than myself

The Path to Leadership ��3

and my husband which is a great thing to me.”—Danielle Scianna

“The program is very good, classes are well run. There are many opportunities for the students for social activities. His attitude and home behavior has improved.”

—Melanie Metzger

The reason that we chose to put Christopher in the Elite Program is that we liked the flexibility of the amount of days that are available for him to attend, versus Basic and Black belt Club. Even though the cost is a bit more we like the variety of days that are available to fit into our busy schedule.

We have noticed a big change in Christopher since we started the Elite Program and karate. Some benefits that we have seen is that it has built his self confidence. He has more energy and he likes and enjoys practicing. His attitude toward physical activities has improved greatly. He likes the use of all the weapons.

—Mrs. Crawley

“It has almost been a full year since Michael John signed up for the Elite Program. We knew it was an expensive decision, but we were excited about what he was going to gain from this, the ability to be trained by the schools top instructor was really all we needed to help make this decision. Even though we were not able to make many elite classes, Michael John got out of each class, what he put into it. As parents that work, we liked the convenience of being able to take any class. Michael john did not get to help teach a class this year, but as part of the program, we think that it is a great idea to be able to help your peers with the material. We would definitely sign up again, and we hope that Michael John will help out with Little Dragons in the future.”

—Mrs Molina

“Before Colin was born, friends of ours with children would say, “soon” you will have a hard time imagining your life without him.” They were right, and, similarly, we now can barely imagine Colin’s life without IMA. Obviously. We value his learning to defend himself, but IMA is so much more than teaching and learning self defense. This endlessly supportive and loving community nurtures and raises good people; much as an extended family would. IMA has been and will be family to us. Thank you, Jon and everyone. Best wishes on your “birthday.” We look forward to spending


many more with you.”—Bill Turkel, father of Colin Turkel

“Since I (Laura) have been in kickboxing, I have noticed a better enthusiasm to push myself physically and mentally. This is something I used to have when I was bodybuilding and lost over the years.”

—Mrs. Fina

“Integrity Martial Arts is a positive ally in conveying and putting into action the values of self-discipline and respect with my daughter.”

—Jennifer P. Metsch mother of Sarah and Elizabeth

“My three sons are students of Just for Kicks. Two of my boys have ADHD and we were worried about how Martial Arts might help them. Master Blum explained how it would help as he has seen the results. After a year, my boys changed. They listened better, they desired to learn more. They even wanted to start competing. Martial Arts is one of the best things we did for our sons. They even compete at the Jr Olympics, and the youngest will be one of the youngest black belts ever promoted in the school.”

—Eric Rushing

“William and Elizabeth love the new program, it is very positive for both children and they are more responsible and mature.”

—Dorothy Perry Cincotta

“Since Stephanie Ertel started training at Just for Kicks, she has built more self esteem, confidence, and self control within herself. She is not as shy, and jumps into everything she does head first. We as a family have made good friends with other families that have the same ambitions and goals.”

—Mrs. Ertel

Jasmine has more confidence, focus and drive this has truly been a pleasure to watch take place.”

—Maryann Sprinkle-Walker

“When Dylan first came to Just for Kicks, he was lacking self confidence and was overweight with a very large attitude; just going to school in the morning was a real chore. After taking classes for a few months we started seeing changes. He was now walking taller and straighter, not much attitude,


grades started improving and most of all he lost 57 lbs. This young man I see before me has made me so proud and so glad he made the choice to take classes. He has lots of friends from the school, a new girlfriend and is just a really funny, respectful kid. He is training to compete in the Junior Olympics. A year ago who would have even thought it would happen”

Philomena Kyle“Andrew is happy with the instructors and happy with the class. He is

more confident.”—Lynnell Solcz

“One quality I am developing while training for 2nd degree Black Belt is physical mastery. Physical mastery is important to me personally, as my level of natural athleticism has always been lacking, and improvement of my body control through the use of some of my stronger traits, such as perseverance and patience, is gratifying. In the near term, physical mastery is allowing me to pursue the next belt rank through the addition and improvement of required skills. There is also the confidence in knowing my mind and body connection is the strongest it has ever been, and enjoyment in practical benefits of increased performance both in and out of the martial arts.”

—David DiBattista

“My child has benefited greatly from the social skills you teach. He has also receiving better and stronger physical health. My son James has also become more confident with meeting new people and he is more confident in his everyday life style. THANK YOU!”

—James Spencer Jr

“The Kickboxing program is very good, Master Blum keeps you motivated throughout.”

—Cliff Gates

“The program is very good! I like Mr. Laham very much; he does a very good job. Noga has been consistent with school and Adam loves Tae Kwon Do. He had issues focusing but this has helped him a lot. I really have seen improvement.”

—Richie Cabo

“Just For Kicks Karate Program has really helped Sean with his Focus.”

—Tonya Lawrence


“Integrity Martial Arts has been exactly what my son was missing. It is the first and only group activity he has truly enjoyed, but more than that his respect and self-control have improved by leaps and bounds. Before he joined, my son would need constant reminders about what he was asked to do. Now he only needs to be asked once, if at all. The instructors do a fantastic job with the students. They definitely teach more than just how to punch and kick. My son for one is always discovering things about himself, such as his confidence and his desire to stick with it no matter how hard it may get. There is such a high level of pride, commitment, respect and discipline in him now and Integrity has had a big hand in bringing it out.”

—Mike DeBidart

“Mr. Defrance is a huge asset to your school. I know you already know this, but as a parent, I wanted you to know that I see it too!”

—Jo Stone

“Harry began karate when Jonathon, Buck, and Mike were united studio and continues this day as a student at IMA. He has learned both behavioral and physical discipline and desire to get his movements exactly right. I have watched him grow-both physically and in maturity over these years. Training for shodan black belt was demanding and he responded to that challenge.

In the shodan test he had to withstand the physical and emotional challenge inherent in combat. I saw in his face that he was suffering but I also saw his determination to continue- It was, I thought then and think now an important moment in his life.

I admire IMA’s continuing efforts it find appropriate ways to teaching values as it teaches karate. Just think, teaching respect for others while at the same time teaching the development and use of potentially deadly force. A remarkable undertaking thoughtfully pursued at IMA.”

—Howard Kalodner

“It’s only been 3 months but I am happy with what I’ve seen. Vincent is listening better at home and brushing his teeth a lot more because of responsibility chart and helping out more.”

—Natalie Costa

“Right away I was so impressed by the way Jonathan worked with the children. He spoke in a way that they could relate. He takes serious subjects and while keeping to the seriousness of the subject he also adds humor. When


I looked into the dojo and saw how happy my children were, it was all worth it. My kids are loving this. Even my very reluctant husband is impressed with Jonathan and IMA. Abigail does not really like team type sports. At first she was not interested in taking this class. A friend talked her into it. She is now very happy that she came to the first class. The kids progress at their own rate. They learn a move until they get it right. My daughter Angela who is 7 has a speech and language disorder. This class has boosted her self confidence.”

—Mary Litrenta, Enfield, homeschool mother to Angela, age 7 and Abigail, age 10

“Since starting classes at IMA, we have noticed growth in self confidence in both of our children. They are both much more comfortable speaking and performing in front of others.”

—Karen Raina, 2nd-grade teacher, mother of Halle and Delani Raina

“My son has loved his 1st karate experience here. He has gained self confidence with every belt advancement and is proud to let relatives in on his accomplishments. He also enjoys spending time with his cousin Garrett.”

—Cathy Carroll

“When my child is at home, they now show respect by not slamming doors or throwing his toys and telling me to shut up. One area Integrity Martial Arts could help my child improve in is to be extra firm with him to make sure he knows who is in charge and ways for him to control his behavior and actions. When I first started at Integrity Martial arts, I didn’t think my child could comprehend all the moves, but now he loves to show off to the family all the moves he can do. “

—Carolyn and Travis Clark, parents of Mark Bailey

“He clearly loves it! I definitely see a future high school employee brewing in him...he went so far as to say in the car the other day after getting his 5th degree...” Mom, I am living my dream! I really feel like I’m different now that I have my 5th degree. I have to be even more of a role model! And to do the Leadership team and to teach the little kids...that is soooo cool!” I couldn’t believe he said “living my dream!!” Even 8 year olds have dreams of goals...go figure!”

Kimberly Smith LCSW, Program Director


Special FREE Gift From Your Instructor

Free 1-on-1 Personal Leadership Skills

Evaluation Conference

If you feel you, or your child might benefit from this type of Leadership Training Program and you’ve been reading about, and would like more information about the specific Program offered by your school, please complete the form below, and return it to your instructor!

student name: _________________________________________________

age: _______ sex: n m n f

Current rank: __________________________________________________

Please rate the importance of each of the following (1-10)

_____ Developing Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence in Myself and Others

_____ Developing Personal Integrity and Honesty

_____ Developing Effective Interpersonal Communication Skills

_____ Developing Personal Responsibility and Accountability

_____ Living a Fit, Healthy Lifestyle Including Abstaining from Underage Alcohol, Smoking and Drug Use

_____ Developing Teamwork and Team Building Skills

_____ Learning to Conduct Myself as a Role Model and Positive Example

_____ Developing “World Centric” Sense of Community Service and Enhancement

In order to achieve any goal, especially one as impact-full as earning a Black Belt, children and students need the support of their parents, teachers, instructors and fellow students. The Leadership Program is dedicated to developing and educating tomorrows’ leaders.

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