Mindful Parenting May 1, 2013

Sheri Louis, MA Ed.

Objectives

By the end of this presentation, attendees will be able to:•Recognize their own patterns of behavior.•Navigate brain behaviors.•Practice breathing techniques.

Emotions play a big role in how we learn!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqGz7uqoPZ4

Recognizing Patterns of BehaviorPunishment Discipline

Inconsistent Consistent

Based on fear/urgency Based on love/patience

Focuses on bribes, intimidation, threats Focuses on cooperation

Unclear expectations Sets clear expectations

Expects child to “just know” and “just get it right”

Demonstrates & practices positive behavior

Focuses on what NOT to do Focuses on what TO DO

How does my child’s brain work?PicturesChildren encode information in pictures – their mind works

like video without audio.

TimelessnessChildren don’t understand “wait”. So substitute “wait” with

instructions.

EgocentricChildren see the world through their eyes…doesn’t

everyone?! Give your child the tools to see another perspective.

Behavior Functions SkillsBrain StemState: SurvivalNeed: Safety

“Am I safe?”

•Survival systems•Modulate states of arousal•Unconscious•Born online

•Fight•Hit, kick, push•Physical aggression

•Flight•Withdraw, hide, run, scream

•Fool•Deceive, lie

Limbic SystemState: EmotionalNeed: Connection

“Am I loved?”

•Emotional tone: flexible or rigid; positive or negative•Attachment; relationships, territory•Stores highly charged emotional memories•Unconscious

•It’s all about ME•Things are not going well and it’s all your fault

CortexState: IntegratedNeed: Problem Solving

“What can I learn from this?”

•Impulse control/self control•Empathy•Working memory•Sustained attention•Planning, prioritization, initialization•Organization, time management•Goals

•Access your own wisdom•Empathy: see the world from another person’s perspective. Give and receive love•Manage your impulses, time, priorities and dreams to live the life you truly want.

Which Path Are We On?

Calling for Love Extending Love

Brain Stem / Limbic System•Emotional State•Fight or Flight•Seeking Understanding

•Emotional •Whining•Irrational•Out of Control•Withdrawn•Overwhelmed

Cortex•Reasoning & Problem Solving•Seeking Information

•Calm•Direct•Rational•In Control•Curious•Interested

Understanding Information

Tools: Navigating the Brain’s Behavior

Brain Stem•“Your face is going like this.”•“Your body is going like this.”• Mirror your child

Limbic• Wait for eye contact•“There you are!”•“You seem…”•“Are you okay?”

Tools: Navigating the Brain’s Behavior

Cortex•“You wanted…”•“It’s hard when…”•“You were hoping…”

What would help you get started?

What could you do to solve your problem?

How could you be helpful? Did you like it?

If you choose to ___, then __ will happen. Do

you understand?

Is _ being safe? What would be safe for

yourself and others?

Are you hurt or are you scared?

What would help you get started?

Pair SharePractice opportunity • With a partner, you will navigate the brain’s behavior through the brain

stem, limbic and cortex:• Role 1: Parent• Role 2: Child in his/her brain stem• Scenario: it’s time to leave OMSI!

Tools: Loco in the Limbic SystemTips for Parents to Move to the Cortex• Be a S.T.A.R (Smile, Take a Breath, And Relax)• “I can handle this.”

Tantrums are normal: your child is trying to get his or her needs met. This is not about you.

Tools: Loco in the Limbic System

Tips for Child to Move to the Cortex• Safe place with love• S.T.A.R., Pretzel, Balloon, Drain

Tool: Fast Food Rule

1. Repeat information back to child2. Replace the word “Don’t” with usable

information.3. Give two positive choices.

Practice opportunity: You don’t wont your child to run in the store.How would you communicate this? Take a moment to write down your response.

“You really like to run – running is fun. When you are in the store, you can move slowly. You can drag your feet like a turtle or slither like a snake. Let’s practice.”

Children learn what they live

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diUB7OGRJ8EMake your influence positive.

“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.” - Gandhi

Intellectual Wellness

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For more information, please visit: www.mindfulparentingpdx.com