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Apr’12-Jul’12 EditionU.K. £2.00

®M.I.L. MatchMakerUK ASIAN MATRIMONIAL INTRODUCTIONS & BUSINESS PUBLICATION

Matrimonial ServicesMatrimonial Services

WeddingSpecial

GujaratiWeddings

Wedding Planner

Wedding Resorts

Wedding Services

Holidays &Honeymoons

M.I.L. MatchMakerApr’12-Jul’12 Edition

WeddingSpecial

GujaratiWeddings

Wedding Planner

Wedding Resorts

Wedding Services

Holidays &Honeymoons

U.K. £2.00

MIL MatchMaker MAR 2012 Cover:MatchMaker Summer Cover 2004 15/3/12 21:10

MIL MatchMaker Summer_2011 Cover:MatchMaker Summer Cover 2004 6/6/11 11:47

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Editors NoteThe April to July edition focuses mainly on weddings asspecial feature for those bride and grooms who may beplanning to get married in 2012 or are recently engaged.

The edition outlines some of the various aspects tomarriages taking place these days and explains some ofthe main rituals conducted in Gujarati weddingceremonies. The wedding planner guide and budgetexpense sheets in the magazine are surely going to comein handy as a planning tool and plan your ownmodern wedding to suit your own budget.

A trend also emerging these days amongst young couples is holding a wedding at someexotic location and India is fast becoming an attraction as a wedding resort in places likeGujarat or Goa. Islands like the Bahamas are also starting to offer wedding packages.Places like these can be very appealing to get away from UK and celebrate the specialday with close members of the family and friends at a wedding resort.

Candidates who are still in search for their partner to get married can look through aselection of various confidential matrimonial listings in the magazine as well as log onto Perfect-Partner.com Internet service to browse and search for profiles and make thatinitial contact. Gujarati candidates can also place confidential listings in GujaratSamachar Matchmaker matrimonial column from time to time by contacting us orenquire about other matchmaking services which may help them make progress.

We thank all the advertisers with their wedding contributions and advertisements tosupport the magazine which is now in its 15th year. The magazine has been used as aresource over the years and produced as a social initiative to help the Asiancommunity. These modern times are getting increasing difficult for the younggeneration to find suitable partners and we hope candidates can rely on print mediumssuch as this to initiate first contact and make progress towards establishing a successfulmatrimonial alliance.

Bharat Raithatha Harsha RaithathaBusiness Editor Client [email protected] [email protected]

Contents PagesWedding Resorts 1-3Wedding Planner & Budget 6-9Gujarati wedding rituals 10-11Marriages- time for change? 12-13Wedding Services 14-26Diamond Jewellery 27-30Jewel of Romance -Bahamas 33Beach Holidays in Goa 34Ayurveda 36-37Domestic Violence 38Matrimonial Services 39-41Classified Matrimonials -Male 42-45Classified Matrimonials -Female 47-51Diabetes Awareness 54-55

M.I.L. MatchMaker® is published with supportfrom the Asian community. We are pleased torelease April-July’12 edition.

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The wedding dates have been decided and you don’t have a clue where to begin is quite a common feeling. Thereforeorganising well in advance and planning is so essential to make your event not only special but successful as well.Wedding planners in the market are there to assist you every step of the way with choice of wedding providers who cantake the stress away and get the work done for you.

START SAVINGPlanning to finance your own wedding? A parent planning a child’s wedding? Either way, start planning at least one tothree years in advance. Invest some money to get a decent return or start saving and keep it aside for the wedding fromthe pay packet you bring home each month. Begin buying jewellery one piece at a time.You can always trade in designslater.

START LOOKINGIf it’s to be a semi-arranged marriage or otherwise, set aside at least a year to find a match. Not only can you do itcalmly, it gives all options. It allows the couple and families to meet many times before deciding that the alliance issuitable to each other.

SET ADATEFix a date that gives enough time for preparations. Schedule within public holidays or weekends. Factor in exams, jobs,religious concerns and weather. Organise time for temple visits, native village trips and so on.

MAKEGUEST LISTThe number of guests will largely decide your wedding budget, venue, catering and more. Get an indicative list fromboth families well ahead, and follow up later with a detailed list of addresses and e-mail IDs.

SET VENUEDecide first on city, so that travel tickets can be booked in advance and save money. Find a venue that suits the weather,crowd size and nature of ceremonies. Ask for referrals and visit personally to check facilities, car parking etc. Book atleast six months if not more in advance.

ENGAGEMENT PARTYDo you want a formal engagement? About six months before the wedding is a good time. You could keep it small witha party at home, or hire a banquet hall. Either way, plan well ahead and book venue, send out invites, buy rings, and getthe outfits ready.

FITNESS AND BEAUTY REGIMEStart beauty regimes like skin and hair programmes in good time so on the day you are radiant looking.

BUDGETIt’s time to draw up a budget. Decide how much you want to spend in total. Draw up a list of what and when you wantto withdraw investments or savings. Prioritise expenditure, so that it helps you decide which service provider to select.Do you want to splash on the entertainment or the food or five star venues? Use the Budget sheets to get a grip onwhere your money is going. It will help you plan expenditure.

WEDDINGDRESSDecide your wedding outfits. Pick a tailor, shop or designer and place the orders, including for accessories.

INVITESDesign or select cards. Sometimes it works to have multiple cards; one `religious’ set; one sent out by families, and onesent out by the couple. Decide on the printer, ask for samples, and always read proofs. Don’t ignore envelopes and tryto include a location map. Print extra copies as back-up. Mail invites to out-station guests now or at least two monthsin advance.

ACCOMODATION FORGUESTS STAYINGOVERBook rooms for your guests or arrange for stays with friends and relatives. Ask if anybody has a vacant flat that you cantemporarily use. Serviced apartments are a good idea. Hire or borrow extra mattresses, linen, crockery etc. You mightneed to hire maids, cooks and drivers for the wedding week, so start looking now.

SERVICE PROVIDERSMost important: it’s time to start making a list of all service providers for the wedding. This includes: Caterers,

WeddingPlannerThe

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Confectioners, Florists, Trousseau Packers, Decorators and Lighting, Ushers, Parking Valets, Photographers, Hair andMake-up Artists, Saree Drapists, Mehendi Artist, Priest and Registrars, Car Rentals, and DJs and Entertainmentartists. Ask for recommendations, look at providers in the magazines, go online to check credentials, visit personally,and ask for samples and quotes. Always inspect services and equipment beforehand. For eg, check out cutlery, crockery,and linen the caterer provides; or websites and albums of photographers. Start separate files for each service and addvisiting cards, quotes etc to this, so that nothing gets lost. Discuss themes thoroughly, if the theme is orange flowersand décor, approve the selections, and ensure availability on the date in adequate numbers. Place orders and book serviceproviders with written receipts and bills so that you can get refunds in case of defaults. Pay advance amounts and settlefully only after the ceremony. Assign one person to one responsibility, which they can see through completely till thewedding day and after. This way, you control quality till the very end. For example, assign one person for thephotographer-to book dates, ensure he’s in place during each ceremony, and follow up on album delivery and payment.

GIFTINGList and buy all gifts needed for family, in-laws’ family, return gifts, and for all those who helped with weddingarrangements.Wherever possible, buy in bulk to save costs; for eg, you can get great deals at wholesale saree shops.

MEDICAL CHECK-UPTake a thorough physical examination. Make sure you are healthy and take supplements if needed. Consult agynaecologist for safe contraception and to control the menstrual cycle for the wedding.

LEGAL CONSULTATIONTalk to a lawyer if both of you want a pre-nuptial contract. If the parents of the bride are giving her gifts and property,it’s a good idea to register these in her name for future security. Such issues are particularly important if it’s an arrangedmarriage with someone who lives abroad, or for marriages arranged too quickly between unknown families.

NEWROOM/HOUSEThe newly-weds will move into a new home or a new room in family home. Get the place ready and stock essentialswell in time.

SPRING CLEANINGGive your house a lick of paint and clean-up so that you’re ready for the thousand teas you will be serving soon.

HONEYMOONDiscuss and find a destination, decide how you will finance it, and book flight and hotels. Get your honeymoonwardrobe ready. Apply for passports and visas.

JEWELLERYFinish all jewellery purchases like mangalsutra by now. Buy from reputed dealers and insist on receipts and puritycertificates. Try on wedding rings for size and alter if needed.

WEDDING APPARELThe couple should have by now tried on their outfits, given them in for alterations, and purchased all accessories likebags, shoes, culf links or tie-pins.

WEDDING FUNCTIONSSign up for dance lessons if you plan to have a choreographed Sangeet session. Decide on the song and dress code.Decide which friend will arrange the Bridal Shower. Invite the people you want for the Sangeet, Mehendi or BridalShower, and organise transport and catering for these days.

Time for the last-minute checks on caterers, florists, decorations, and so on! Ensure it’s all going to plan. Re-confirmall bookings and give final guest lists and numbers to the caterers. Call the DJ/musicians and reconfirm dates, musicand programmes. The guests will soon start pouring in, so hire extra hands. Make sure the house is never leftunguarded, because a wedding house is ripe temptation for burglars. Indulge in a spa and massage session-whetherbride, groom or parents. It’s a much-needed break from the pressure and for general sanity. Be prepared for thebachelor/hen party, and give yourself plenty of time to recover from all excesses. You don’t want baggy eyes on D-Day.

List all guest arrival times and ensure transportation to take them to their accommodation. Make sure they arecomfortable, and that food and entertainment like sightseeing trips are organised for them. Decide how you want todeal with leftover food. Arrange with organisations beforehand if you want it picked up and used rather than thrownaway. Reconfirm bookings with the wedding registrar.

Get the dressing room at the venue cleaned and prepared. Stock it with iron and sewing kit for emergency repair jobs,as well as with water, fruit juices, snacks and tissues. Keep a first-aid kit handy.The cars that bring families and friendsto the venue should be in place, with all car numbers and driver contacts handy. Put ushers at the entrance to showguests in and organise valet parking. Set up a gift table and assign someone to handle all gifts. Make sure the bidaii orfarewell car is decorated and ready for the couple to leave the venue for their bridal suite. Make sure all the gifts andpersonal belongings are transported back to the homes.

3MONTHSAHEAD

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Here is a detailed budget table to help you plan your wedding f inances. Fill in the columnsthat apply to you and keep track of expenses. If you are systematic, you can juggle f inances andthe money over-spent under one head can be saved elsewhere, or vice-versa. Creating andsticking to a budget is one of the best ways to control expenditure.

BUDGET HEADS ESTIMATE ACTUAL DIFFERENCEPLANNINGOnline SiteMatchmakerMatrimonial AdENGAGEMENTRingsApparelGiftsVenueCateringCars & MiscellaneousPREPARATIONTROUSSEAUClothes and AccessoriesJewelleryFootwearLinenKitchenwareFurnitureAPPARELClothes, Shoes, AccessoriesClothes for FamilyClothes for Bridesmaids/BestmanJEWELLERYFor BrideFor GroomFor Siblings/In-laws/Family

£££££

WeddingBudget£££


BUDGET HEADS ESTIMATE ACTUAL DIFFERENCEGIFTSBridal CoupleFamilyExtended/In-laws’ FamilyINVITESPrinting CostsMailing CostsFITNESS/BEAUTYSpa/GymBeautician/CosmetologistDoctorWEDDINGGUESTSAir/TrainTicketsAccommodationVENUEHireTable/ChairsCorkageSERVICE PROVIDERSWedding PlannerCaterers/Confectioners/LiquorFlorists/Bouquets/CorsagesPhotographers/VideographersDecorators/Lighting/DJ etcCar Rentals/Users/ParkingHair/Make-up/StylistPriest/Registrar FeesReligious Ceremony EssentialsOTHER FUNCTIONSSangeetMehendiHen’s/Bachelor’s NightReception/EntertainmentFIRST NIGHT/HONEYMOONFirst Night Suite/Car RentalHoneymoon HotelTravel TicketsWardrobe & LuggagePassports & VisasTravel CashBRIDAL HOUSE/ROOMFlat Purchase/Create RoomNew Home/Room Décor

TOTAL


Gujarati RitualsThe Gujarati community are a lively lot who celebrate all festivities with magnificent splendour and glamour. All over the world they takepride in celebrating their festivals such as Navaratri and dance the night away in Raas Garbha… So when it comes to weddings, the Gujaraticelebration can go beyond imagination!

The article below briefly highlights some of the traditions and customs observed and in modern time fine tuned to suit the occasion.

TheWedding PreludeChandlo Maatli-Acceptance of AllianceThe chandlo is the announcement of the acceptance of the alliance between the two families and the consent of the bride and groom to cometogether in matrimony. Like most of the other Indian communities, the father of the girl starts looking for a husband for his daughter, as soonthey are in their twenties (Olden times even younger!). Chandlo is the tika and maatli is the clay container in which sweets were packed inthe olden days.The bride’s father and four other male members visit the groom’s and give him a shagun (a blessing symbolised by a token sumof money).This is when an astrologer normally fixes the wedding date but these days many do not look at these aspects and the date is oftendecided between the two families.

Mehendi, Garbha & Dandia-The Henna CeremonyThis is an intimate gathering of the bride’s female relatives and close friends few days before the wedding. Mehendi (henna) applied in thefine patterns on the palms and feet of the bride. Songs specific to the occasion are sung. On the evening of the mehendi family and friendsgather together dressed in the traditional finery and sing and dance the graceful garbha and the men join in later for the energetic dandia raas.

Just Before theWeddingMandva Mahurat-Constructing the canopy forWedding RitesA day before the wedding, the blessings of Lord Ganesha are sought on the ground on which, the wedding canopy will be installed. Thoughfamily and close friends attend the mandva mahurat, only the women of the household observe the puja. The pujari performs a brief puja atthe shrine inside the house then puts tika on the foreheads of five men from the family.He goes on to give them a small stick with nada Chari(red thread) wrapped around it. The men link their hands and carry this to site of the mandva and embed it into the earth. This stick issymbolic of one poles of the mandva, which will support the canopy. In modern times, the venue or wedding provider will take care of thestage setting and décor aspects for the bride quite easily.

Pithi-Beautification RitualsA shrine is arranged with a picture of Lord Ganesha. The bride sits on a bajat (low stool), palms upturned. It is prerogative of the kaaki(paternal uncle’s wife) to mix the pithi (a paste sandalwood powder, herbs, rosewater and German mogro (a type of perfume). She thenarranges the pithi on a decorated platter and has it blessed by the priest. The women of the household apply the pithi on the bride’s skin.

OnTheWedding DayMameru – Bride being led by her Maternal UncleThe bride receives gifts from her mama (maternal uncle). The custom of mameru originated centuries ago when there were no legal rightsexisted for daughters. When the girl grows up and gets married, the mama/family members comes with the mameru consisting of clothes,jewellery and other gifts items including the traditional paanetar (silk wedding sari-usually white with red border) and choodo (ivory bangle-now replaced with acrylic or plastic).The mameru ceremony takes place one day before the wedding but these days held on wedding day itselffor convenience prior to other guests arriving. Once all the guests are seated -the maternal uncle escorts the bride to the Mandap often witha grand entrance and music played as a theme.

GujaratiWeddingsMARRIAGE THROUGH THE AGES


Varghodo-The Groom’s ProcessionOn the wedding day, the groom, dressed in all his finery, carrying a katar (small dagger) prepares to leave for the venue was an old custom.The priest gives the groom’s sister a small bowl wrapped in cloth and containing coins, on which the Hindu Swastika has been etched. Sherattles this over her brother’s head to ward off the evil eye and to warn him that though he is getting married, he must not forget his sister.The groom’s father’s sister-in-law (chachi) garlands him and gives him cluster of flowers. After being blessed by all he mounts a richlycaparisoned mare and leaves for the wedding venue accompanied by his relatives and close friends. In UK, the groom arrives by a processionwith many family cars following to the venue.

Jaan or Phokhvu-Gesture of UnderstandingVar Ponke-Welcoming the GroomThe bride’s mother receives the groom and the procession at the entrance of the wedding venue. She performs the traditional aarti, appliesthe kumkum and rice on his forehead. The clusters of flowers given him earlier by his aunt are now exchanged for a coconut decorated withred thread.

This interesting ritual involves the groom with their relatives arriving at wedding venue with grand entry often with Dhol players. Before thegroom enters the venue, there is little ceremony of laganya –one or two little boys related to the groom taken to the Mandap to welcome themand give gifts.Next the much awaited Groom makes his entry! The groom’s prospective mother-in-law blesses the groom and performs a smallritual to ward off the evil eye before he steps into the entrance of the venue hall. She also tries to pinch his nose as she reminds him that heis the taker since he will be taking her daughter away and they are the givers. The Best man here attempts to block mother-in-law and thisritual is a little mischief played in a fun-way.

Kanya AgamanaThe bride is led to the Mandap once the priest announces for Kanya to be present. She will make her grand entry accompanied by maternaluncle (mama) and other family members. In the Mandap there is an antarpat (curtain) which separates her from the groom.Traditionally thisconcept was applied in arranged marriages as the groom would be meeting the girl for the first time! These days, not the case at all but customis still carried on.

Kanyadaan &Hastamelap-Entrusting the daughterOne of the most important wedding rituals is kanyadaan. It is ceremony, in which the bride’s parents washes the groom’s feet and gives hisdaughter’s hand to him in the hope that he will take good care of her. The bride is considered to be a form of Goddess Laxmi and thebridegroom is considered to be Lord Narayana. Kanyadaan is performed in front of the sacred fire, facilitating the pious union of the boy andgirl as the curtain is lowered. Hastamelap ceremony involves joining of hands and blessing the couple and the tying of the groom’s shawl tothe bride’s saree to indicate union of two souls. This ritual is Chheda-Chhedi.

Conforming theWedding VowsVarmala &Madhuparka-The Couple Exchange GarlandsVarmala involves the exchange of garlands between the bride and the groom twice. First time, the groom is on a higher platform than thebride, while, the second time, they are at an equal level. In the madhuparka ceremony, groom’s feet are washed. Also, he is given honey andmilk to drink.While this ceremony is going on, the bride’s sister tries to steal the groom’s shoes, known as Juta Churai and in return get giftback. These days this little ritual has become a contest between two families as to who gets the shoes!

Mangal Pheras & Saptapadi – Circumventions around the Sacred FirePheras are rounds that the couple takes around the sacred fire, as the priest chant mantras by the groom that expresses his genuine and heartiestdesire to seek his wife’s loving support. In a Gujarati marriage, there are four mangal pheras, which represent Dharma (righteousness), Artha(monetary accomplishment), Kama (energy and passion in life) and Moksha (liberation from everything in life). Saptapadi are the seven stepsthat the couple walks together and takes vows which each step indicating true companionship and life-long partners. As they go around thesacred fire, the couple are showered with rose petals from close family members.The bride and groom garland each other signalling acceptance of this partnership

Once the main rituals are conducted, other relatives and friends offer blessings to the couple and wish them for their new future followed byphoto sessions and lunch or dinner that has been laid out.

Vadava Vanu-Bridal Send OffIn the Vidaai ceremony, the bride bids farewell to her parents and relatives. She boards a specially decorated car along with her husband.Thenboth move towards their home, with a new life awaiting them.

Reception-PostWedding CelebrationsThis is an event borrowed from theWest and is not mandatory.The reception can be as simple or as elaborate an affair as desired.The purposeis to introduce the newly wedded couple to all relatives and the social circle. It is an occasion of merriment, when all the near and dear onescome to bless the newly wedded couple and give them gifts.

The Hindu wedding ceremony requires a lotof preparations.

In olden days many months was spent on preparations. It was acommunal occasion of grand proportions and a great deal of time,moneyand energy was necessary. In modern times, all those leisurelypreparations have become an occasion to remember and some things tobe proud of using the various wedding services that are hand these daysto make the occasion that more special.

However in this era of professionalism and importance of materialcomforts, marriages in the western world end up in separation –mutualor otherwise.

A question often asked now by youngergeneration: Is marriage necessary?

Such a question was hardly raised in the past because there was nothinglike consent marriage in the Hindu community as a whole. All detailsincluding the choice of a suitable bride or both partners were decidedbeforehand by their elders! The engaged couple’s opinion meant little inthose days. By and large such marriages simply left to chance, didremarkably well so far. Women suffered more than men in suchmarriages and the stability of our society was largely achieved by denyingmany choices to women.

The need for change has been realized by both youngsters and theirparents. Forced marriages are far and few between these days. There islittle room for such marriages in the changing social patterns which wesee today in the Asian community. Parents and other relations involvedhave to take a generous attitude towards the wishes of the young becausesocial and educational and cultural forces have greatly affected theancient thinking.

The marriage ceremonies and rituals in any community differ but allentail various stages and with passage of time, from matchmaking tomarriages have all undergone many changes. Parents and guardians usedto find a match for their children and most still try to do but with thespread of education and social liberalization, this choice is very much leftto the boy or girl and parents do not impose their will and decisions onthe children anymore.

All these shifts are a welcome change but it is also increasingly difficultto find a suitable match these days which can sustain after marriage andthe services of match-makers-marriage bureaus and their modern onlineversion of matchmaking websites are increasingly coming to use.

HinduMarriages


TIME FOR CHANGE?

But there are also men and women who do actually opt out of themarriage system in growing numbers too and marriage is not inevitableas it used to be.

One burning question which remains to beanswered is – Will Hindu marriage survive in itspresent form?

The answer perhaps is that it ought to last with modest modifications inthe same form.There is no alternative. There is a great deal of sufferingand social disintegration as a result of increasing number of divorces.Husband and wife have got to work together as a team in order toachieve their own material goals in life these days. There cannot be lovewithout responsibility.This is a fact of life and must be accepted as such.The Asian social and cultural continuity must be preserved in thewestern world.

Asian society today has accepted divorces as a sad reality in tiny minorityof cases, although this is increasing now. Divorce cannot be allowed tobe fashionable or common. Even in ancient times, divorce was possibleon certain grounds, but it was rarely possible to divorce a marriagepartner on some flimsy grounds, as it is the case today. Indeed marriagewas considered an endurance test in our social life. It is sometimes hardto see how irreconcilable differences cannot be ironed out. But effortsmust be made NOT to magnify small differences. Forces which have nodirect bearing on an otherwise successful marriage often interfere withthe personal matters of the married couple.

So what does the future hold?

A well thought out system of social check and balance must be workedout so that the society can be assured of a bright social and culturalfuture. It is possible to preserve some desirable traditions together withthe modern ways of life and infact the younger generation are alreadydoing this today. The Hindu way of life offers a great variety ofexperiences and opportunities.

The Asian society has pinned its hopes on a stable and fruitful marriedlife. Our marriage system is part of the destiny and distinctive cultureand community in general and there can be no future without ourmarriage system. In tune with changing times, the community mustmake adjustments, as a whole so that new ideas and ideals cherished bythe younger generation can be accomodated.Our ancient views and attitudes need to be changed in the western worldof different social and cultural dimensions.

There is no doubt about the need for widening our social horizons –Caste system can never survive like the ancient times. The world is verywide indeed. If we do not allow young men and women to widen theirsocial vision within the Hindu community, a social disaster may occur.

We must therefore preserve our social and cultural identity withoutrisking stubborn adherence to aloofness – this multi-cultural society welive in today offers ample freedom to justify our existence as a social andcultural group.

This part of Hindu life has stood the test of time.


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Tel:_____________________ Mobile:_____________________ Email________________________________________________

Do you pay tax: YES/NOPlease treat my donation as Gift Aid. You may reclaim tax on my donation.Signed:_______________________________________________________________

FOR OFFICE USE ONLY:Ref:____________________________ Receipt No:____________________________ Date:____________________________

Please send completed Form to:Bhaarat Welfare Trust Administration Office, 55 Loughborough Road, Leicester LE4 5LJ

Tel: 0116 266 7050 / 233 9536 • Fax: 0870 135 3072 • Charity Registration Number: 1077821

For my smile credit goes to you...

BhaaratWelfare TrustLeicester

Bhaarat Welfare Trust collect fundsfor cancer projects, natural disastersand other humanitarian causes anddonations can be made to any charityof your choice. Feedback will alwaysbe given.

Other Projects: For a small donation,Bhaarat Welfare Trust also provide acomprehensive service on all aspectsof India Visa or PIO/OCI applicationprocess. Contact Kantibhai orRashmiben on 0116 266 7050 oremail [email protected]

Amount Cause£5 Gauchara£10 Monthly Widow support£20 Satya Narayan ni Katha£20 One cataract operation£20 Annadan£30 Yearly Education for a Child£66 One Polio operation£250 For Eye/Medical Camp


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