8/11/2019 Midwest 12 Midseason Report

1/2

Itsabout that time again. Weve come across the middle of the season and it s time foranother midseason report. It might not be exactly the middle of the season but it s beenlong enough to let things settle into place. For one thing, I m in first place as per usual.This is no surprise. For another thing, Kuney is the bottom of the barrel. This is also nosurprise. What IS a surprise is that Chris is 4-1. Congrats Chris! You should feel good

about yourself. Just like you should have felt good about yourself a couple years agowhen your team started 5-0. You then proceeded to lose 5 or so straight and not evenmake the playoffs.

Heres a personalized grading of everyones team, starting with the best and going fromthere:

#1. Jeffalo BillsMeThe Jeffalo Bills are primed and ready to make it official Bills status and make fourconsecutive Super Bowls and lose them all. With a stellar lineup and depth, the Jeffaloscrafted its team by taking chances on injury proneplayers such as Gronkowski, Julio

Jones, and Jay Cutler. Clearly, the Jeffalo Bills dont believe in the whole injury proneBS and understand that injuries in the NFL are mostly due to chance.

#2. Master BeatersJeff SeniorSecond place also belongs to another Jeff Henderson. However, one has to wonderwhat third grader gave him the idea for his team name. One would then need to wonderwhy he is consulting third graders. Anyway, Master Beaters draft strategy was quitebrilliant. Heres how he planned it all out:Step 1) Forget what email you used for the league and realize it a half hour before thedraftStep 2) Figure out yahoo login info about 7 minutes before the draftStep 3) Figure out that you have to click the big blue DRAFT PLAYERbutton just asecond or two before your first pick is autopicked.

#3. Sacko Recipient #2ChrisOnce again Chris you should feel good about yourself now because its only a matter oftime before you suck. Thanks for the $50 though, we all appreciate it.

#4. Franks FreaksFrankThe league champ started off with a rough go of it but has since turned it around.Couple of great draft picks in Marshawn Lynch and Antonio Brown anchor its squad. Illbe looking to avenge my SB loss to you in the playoffs.

#5. Winer Diner 49erBhupenBhupen I just looked at your roster and cant believe how awful it is. Forte and JuliusThomas must be doing some work for you to be 3-2. Bhupen has never made theplayoffs in this league. It wont be long before the lights go out early on your season

just like they did in Vegas on a particular Saturday night

#6. Trestmans Fanny PackJohn

8/11/2019 Midwest 12 Midseason Report

2/2

With the most points in the league, John is set for another playoff run. That s about all Ihave

#7. Forte Shades of JayThomasThomas took an early pick on Andrew Luck that has shown to be wise as he has a

comfortable lead in QB points.

#8. Insane Clowney PosseMillerMillers team is just boring. Lets move on.

#9. Touchdown TeddyLukeJared Cook is your starting tight endThat sucksBut to be honest, Kyle Rudolph wasa bust anyway. Luke hasnt had a strong start in his short two year stint in the leaguebut thats what happens when youre ahomer filled team from Minnesota.

#10. Suck a DitkaBerry

Berry you win for leaguesbest nick name. Thats about all you go going for you. Whathappened to being the most mediocre of mediocre? I suppose it s karma for taking theentire offseason to ship the trophy to the new winner. Perhaps your team will take asimilar approach and finally kick in come consolation bracket time. Cuz let s face it,thats all you have hope for at this point.

#11. Big DAdamAdam once again made a splash in the draft at taking Aaron Rodgers with the thirdoverall pick. As it stands now, a better pick would have been Jay Cutler.

#12. Fuck JeffafaKuneyFuck Jeffafa, formerly known as NOT LASTsits comfortably in last place. Just to thinka year ago he was awarded with the Yahoo best draft of the league preseason award.Clearly that didnt work out so he tried a different strategy this year. Such as drafting hisstarting tight end that wasnt even on an NFL team. It was a bold move.

Lets play a game. Its called, guess what tight ends are playing better than the oneKuney drafted:

Better Tight Ends Employer Season Points

Ryan Hewitt Cincinnati .6Michael Hoomanawanui New England .6

Harold Hoskins Miami .7Michael Jensen Jacksonville .8Vance McDonald San Francisco .9

Kuneys Tight End Employer Season Points

Jermichael Finley Super Suds 0

You get the point. Kuneys an idiot.