My experiences during the first half of my first semester at Syracuse University were very interesting to say the least. I was challenged in ways I could never have anticipated (mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually). It seems my story so far has been a

the coldest winter.osamede ogbeide

tale of adversity, shortcomings, but also brief moments of enlightenment and bursts of hope. I view life as a progression of perpetual change and consider evolution as being mandatory in life. I’ve always been one of those people who not only welcomed change, but also looked for it. Summers throughout my high school years were filled with trips throughout my home state, working various jobs, writing and producing songs with friends, and any other thing that would occupy my restlessness. At 18, I left California for college, journeying 3000 miles away from home knowing full well I would not so much as glance back. I felt that my life had finally begun as an independent adult and I could go anywhere from this point. Following my departure, I quickly came to the realization that the novelty of this newfound lifestyle was only temporary, and as obstacles arose, I would soon find myself longing for home. I have to say I was largely unprepared. Not particularly at my own fault however, there was no way to truly prepare for the culture shock and drastic changes in everyday life. All my life I had lived in more tropical climates before abruptly transitioning into an arctic ice hell. The harsh winter winds and cold nights laid a horrendous beating on my physical and mental health. There were days when simply going outside seemed like an impossible task, and one I’d much rather not

even attempt. Everyday activities and routines all of a sudden became mission impossible to me, and the sum of all my struggles didn’t help supplement my self-esteem to the slightest degree. However, by far the greatest adjustment I was required to make was the social adjustment. Of course, my viewpoint is completely subjective and entirely relative. Coming from a community that was considerably diverse and extremely tolerant, it was hard for me to adjust the clear divisions and segregation of the university ecosystem. I came across many students who originate from a very homogenous background, demographically speaking. This lack of exposure to tastes of different cultures consequently leads to a narrower school of thought and less broad perspective of life in general. Time after time again, I found myself in scenarios where I was experiencing racism, in a very low key fashion. I feel I’m very intuitive and perceptive of the slightest nuances which made me hypersensitive to even the most covert of these

covert interactions. This was a huge problem for me and continued to contribute to my feelings of depression. Being black in 21st century America is stressful. I try to make the best of certain situations to mentally ignore the blatant racism in everyday life. Media outlets are a constant reminder to how much more progress is needed before this ideal version of America can exist outside of the theoretical.Whether it is stories of other black men being arrested for legally purchasing expensive items or George Zimmerman walking this earth as a free man, the oppressive narrative is impossible to shake. I must take a step back before delving into this subject. As a race, we have made a lot of progress and I consider myself a direct representation of that.I grew up middle/upper class in the suburbs of Clovis, a more affluent community north of the city border of Fresno, California. My parents, Nigerian immigrants who later went on to become American Citizens, both graduated with professional degrees. I went to a relatively prestigious high school and had more white friends than black friends.Considering how my parents both emmigrated to America and lived in the late 1980s and through the 90s

in impoverished neighborhoods in California’s Bay area to later move out to Clovis, I am pretty lucky. I will be the first to say that my luck was only possible through their hard work. Though, growing up with all this luck, I still cannot escape the daily stress of living in a world that demonizes, misrepresents and marginalizes my race. It’s stressful. The way I cope with it is to tone myself down, smile more and be less intimidating. When I am faced with that situation, I choose to not acknowledge that feeling and just pretend I will not be looked at a certain way because I am black. It plays into my constant reframing of the mental cues that cause my daily stress.

I also realized this, in most cases what I have been expecting may not actually be racist interactions, but just a lack of familiarity on the other party’s part. There must be a stark differences between whatever there stereotypical idea and the stigmas that go along with being a black male and I. I earned my spot at Syracuse through merit and not an athletic scholarship, I have a strong appreciation for the arts, and I carry a slightly apparent, beach-like, California accent. Often times, comments pointing out how articulate and definitively I express myself are made by my peers. Let’s put it this way: If I were to talk on the phone and then finally meet you, it would be a twist. However, I digress.

All in all, I’ve come to the UNDOUNBTED conclusion that people of my skin color are continually marginalized, and though some of these topics I discuss may not seem relatable, however, they have a very real impact on my life. They bring along an array of emotions and questions that all contribute to my mental growth and maturation, as well as a great deal of stress.

I’m not bitter nor angry, but most definitely disturbed. I have enjoyed Syracuse a lot thus far, through some of the friendships and bonds I have formed, people I’ve met, and things that I’ve seen. The pros have outweighed the cons; however, it seems this one rotten apple has been spoiling my bunch.Several weeks have passed and given me enough time to reflect and renew my sense of purpose. Every day I continue to grow and develop a new understanding of my world and the environments I find myself in. I just want to jump to the next chapter, the next evolution, and had I not made the conscious effort to move away from my comfort zone, and diving into the unknown and unfamiliar, I don’t think I would have made this conscientious progression.

“Every morning we get a chance to be different — a chance to change, a chance to be better. Your past is your past. Leave it there. Get on with the future part.” — Nicole Williams