Conversations With Integrity

Mentor/Coach Conference, March 2016

Margaret Nugent and Kjell Stroomer-Rowe

Entry Task

• Introduce yourself to a neighbor.

• Read the quotations below and share something that strikes you:

1. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

2. Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes. (Maggie Smith)

3. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. (Abraham Lincoln)

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Living with integrity is like this image because . . .

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Synectics

What

Make connections between two unlike things.

Why

Start on time/on task/on topic.

Engage prior knowledge.

Set tone for participation.

Prompt new perspectives on important concept.

Lipton and Wellman. Groups at Work, p. 19.

“The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.”

- Bob Marley

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Goal for Today

To build our capacity for speaking up in ways that give true voice to our values and make positive connection with others

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Introductions

Who is in the room?

• Roles

• Locations

• Experience

Margaret Nugent

Kjell Stroomer-Rowe

Outcomes

• Embrace integrity and the undivided life.

• Balance speaking up with listening.

• Reframe behavior to stay resourceful.

• Speak up effectively when necessary.

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“Integrity means that you are the same in public as you are in private.”

- Joyce Meyer

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Parker J. Palmer on the Divided Life

“We feel fraudulent, even invisible, because we are not in the world as we really are.”

https://vimeo.com/85777402

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Think/Pair/Share

• What are some situations in which people might hide who they are and what they believe?

• What might be some risks to people sharing who they are and what they believe? Some rewards?

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Chutzpah and Humility

https://soundcloud.com/onbeing/parker-palmer-holding-the-paradox-of-chutzpah-and-humility

Leadership Qualities

CHUTZPAH— “I have a voice, and the right and responsibility to use it.”

HUMILITY— “I am unlikely to have the whole truth, and I need to listen to others.”

Which is stronger in you? Which qualities need to be nurtured?

-Parker J. Palmer, Healing the Heart of Democracy

High Chutzpah

Low

Humility

High Humility

Low Chutzpah

There you are . . .

• IN THE CLASSROOM.

• IN THE CAFETERIA.

• ON A FIELD TRIP.

• AT A SOCIAL GATHERING.

• SCROLLING SOCIAL MEDIA.

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Text and ConversationPacket, p. 7

On your own – Read the Quotations. What strikes you? What implications do you see for your work with colleagues/teachers and students?

With a standing partner – Share your thinking.

Decide that you will speak up!

Mindset:

• I am a person who will speak up against bigotry.

• I will not let hate have the last word.

A next step is to develop ready responses that will work in a variety of moments.

• That offends me.

• I don’t find that funny.

• I’m surprised to hear you say that.

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View TED Talk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiKtZgImdlY *Clint Smith

As you watch, take notes…

• What does the speaker say about tolerance?

• How does the teacher build relationships in his classroom (around tolerance)?

• Notice what strikes you, and why?

• What connections can you make to this TED Talk and this teacher?

Find a new partner – have a standing conversation about these questions/this video. (Extra credit: paraphrase your partner )

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“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”

- Winston Churchill

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Listening Effectively

To understand cognitive dissonance, we . . .

1. Replace advice and defense with attention

2. Paraphrase to reflect thinking

3. Question to extend, deepen, shift thinking

Paraphrasing Tips

• In your own words

• Shorter than the original telling

• Captures content + emotion of what was said

• Examples:So, you’re wondering if…You’re concerned because you’re noticing….You’re thinking that…

Solo Think Time

Think of an issue where you have strong views, inspired by one of the following statements or something else on your mind.

• “All students” means all students.

• Kids come first—every child every day.

• Teachers are professionals.

• We are complicit in fostering a school-to-prison pipeline.

• All students will graduate college- and career-ready.

You will be unpacking your views with a partner, so think about the issue and how it matters to you.

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Partner Conversation

Speaker : Begin with, Something that really matters to me is . . .

Listener: Give full attention. When speaker pauses, briefly paraphrase. Then use a prompt to invite continued thinking and speaking:

• Say more about that.

• What makes that important to you?

• What might that mean to you?

• What else do you want me to understand?

• What information do you have that I might not know?

Listen some more. Continue to paraphrase and prompt thinking.

Debrief the Process

• What did you notice when you were the speaker?

• What did you notice about being the listener?

Q: Why do people say what they say and do what they do?And how can I self-regulate my responses?

A: All behavior is communication. Trying to understand what is being communicated helps us deal with it better.

25razchan.com

Understanding Self and Others

• Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

• Daniel Pink’s DRIVE: Autonomy, Mastery, Purpose

• Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

• David Rock’s SCARF Model

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5 Primary Social Needs (aka Drivers)

Status

Certainty

Autonomy

Relatedness

Fairness

from David Rock

“The ability to recognize primary rewards and threats, such as good versus poisonous food, [is] important to survival and thus a part of the brain.

“Social neuroscience* shows us that the brain uses similar circuitry for interacting with the social world.”

- David Rock

*fMRI, EEG, and measurement of hormone secretions

Resources

1. SCARF: a brain-based model for collaborating with and influencing others, by David Rock, NeuroLeadershipjournal, Issue One 2008.

2. SCARF in 2012: updating the social neuroscience of collaborating with others, Dr. David Rock and Christine Cox, Ph.D, NeuroLeadershipjournal, Issue Four 2012.

www.NeuroLeadership (information)

http://www.scarfsolutions.com/selfassessment.aspx (brief survey)

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SCARF Profile

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Status

Certainty

Autonomy

Relatedness

Fairness

Considering SCARFPacket, pp. 4-6

On your own:

Read the article about the 5 domains, and select one that interests you. What are some rewards one might associate with that domain? Some threats?

Partner conversation (2 min.):

What are some ways that a person’s SCARF needs might influence their interactions with others?

SCARF Can Help You Keep Your Head

1. Understand your own strong emotions. (What’s the threat that’s pushing me to fight, flee, or freeze?)

2. Reframe the other person’s behavior. (What threats might they be feeling?)

3. Choose your own response. (I know this isn’t personal. What would be useful?)

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“If there’s something wrong, speak up!” - Pete Seeger

“Speak when you’re angry—and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.” - Laurence J. Peter

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In Advance – Prepare YourselfSimple questions also are a good way to interrupt everyday bigotry.

• What do you mean by that?

• Why would you say something like that?

• What point are you trying to make by saying that?

Nielsen offers her own set of standard responses:

• Did you mean to say something hurtful when you said that?

• Using that word as a put-down offends me.

• Using that word doesn’t help others feel safe or accepted here.34

How do you say it?

You know you’ll speak up. But what about:

• tone and temperament?

Veteran educators say it’s best if you:

• remain calm and thoughtful. Don’t react with shock.

Mostly, just be yourself. Be firm. Be confident. Know that you are doing the right thing.

• A word of caution: avoid humor

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Cautions continued…

• Assess the risk

• Understand the dynamics of change

• Don’t undermine your efforts

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“Six Steps to Speak Up”Packet, pp. 2-3

Read the text and annotate:

– Something that resonates with me

? – Something I question or am unsure about…

! – an Aha!

Share annotations with a partner and discuss implications.

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Pocket Guide – Basic Strategies

• Interrupt

• Question: Why do you say that? What do you mean? Tell me more . . .

• Educate

• Echo

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Resources from Teaching Tolerance, a Project of the Southern Poverty Law Center

Speak Up at School: How to Respond to Everyday Prejudice, Bias and Stereotypes, A Guide for Teachers.

Speak Up: Responding to Everyday Bigotry (includes family, friends, neighbors, workplace, school, and public places)

www.tolerance.org

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“Changing a culture

to promote respect and responsibility

does not happen overnight.”

www.tolerance.org

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