marriage to your destiny lucas mtimkhulu. what marriage is not it is not for social convenience. it...
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MARRIAGETO YOUR DESTINY
Lucas Mtimkhulu
WHAT MARRIAGE IS NOTWHAT MARRIAGE IS NOT
It is not for social convenience.It is not for social convenience. It is not for social status.It is not for social status. It is not made by man.It is not made by man. It is not for financial stability.It is not for financial stability. It is not an outdated institution for the 21It is not an outdated institution for the 21stst
century.century. It is not a prison cell.It is not a prison cell. It is not for physical attractions.It is not for physical attractions. It is not a responsibility, but a response to It is not a responsibility, but a response to
the ability of God.the ability of God.
WHAT IS MARRIAGE THEN?WHAT IS MARRIAGE THEN?
Marriage is a state in which men and Marriage is a state in which men and women can live together in sexual women can live together in sexual relationship with the approval of their relationship with the approval of their social group. (Douglas 1988:742)social group. (Douglas 1988:742)
Two parties are involved in marriage; men Two parties are involved in marriage; men and women.and women.
There is no definition for marriage There is no definition for marriage between parties of the same sex.between parties of the same sex.
The act of living together as husband and The act of living together as husband and wife. (Barnhart and Barnhart 1988:1274)wife. (Barnhart and Barnhart 1988:1274)
The first two-party system of government The first two-party system of government ever devised.ever devised.
WHAT MARRIAGE IS ..-WHAT MARRIAGE IS ..-ContinuedContinued
It is a spiritual venture to your destiny.It is a spiritual venture to your destiny.God addressed loneliness in marriage.God addressed loneliness in marriage.The Lord showed his approval in The Lord showed his approval in
Gen.2:18.Gen.2:18.You need a spiritual background to You need a spiritual background to
succeed in marriage.succeed in marriage.““I now declare you husband and wife” I now declare you husband and wife”
The end of ceremony and the The end of ceremony and the beginning of marriage life.beginning of marriage life.
WHAT MARRIAGE IS…WHAT MARRIAGE IS…ContinuedContinued
The goal of a good marriage is to produce The goal of a good marriage is to produce together an intellectual soil and an emotional together an intellectual soil and an emotional environment in which each can flourish far environment in which each can flourish far superior to what either can achieve alone.superior to what either can achieve alone.
Partners satisfy mutually the needs of the Partners satisfy mutually the needs of the other.other.
Partners do not shirk but share responsibility.Partners do not shirk but share responsibility. They do not grab but give reward.They do not grab but give reward. One will not detract from or diminish the One will not detract from or diminish the
other but each will add strength, support and other but each will add strength, support and understanding. understanding.
WHAT MARRIAGE IS…WHAT MARRIAGE IS…ContinuedContinued
The emphasis is to complement one The emphasis is to complement one another.another.
To allow each alongside his/her To allow each alongside his/her partner.partner.
To develop each other’s ability better To develop each other’s ability better than it could have done alone.than it could have done alone.
In their vows they commit themselves In their vows they commit themselves to mutual responsibility and challenge to mutual responsibility and challenge of sharing life together. “No longer of sharing life together. “No longer two but one.”two but one.”
WHAT MARRIAGE IS…WHAT MARRIAGE IS…ContinuedContinued
Marriage is more than your love for Marriage is more than your love for each other.each other.
It is a higher dignity and power.It is a higher dignity and power. It is God’s ordinance through which He It is God’s ordinance through which He
wills to perpetuate the human race wills to perpetuate the human race until the end of time.until the end of time.
In marriage you are a link in the chain In marriage you are a link in the chain of generations into the Kingdom of of generations into the Kingdom of God.God.
WHAT MARRIAGE IS…WHAT MARRIAGE IS…ContinuedContinued
In love you see only the heaven of In love you see only the heaven of happiness.happiness.
In marriage you are placed at a post of In marriage you are placed at a post of responsibility towards the world and responsibility towards the world and mankind.mankind.
Your love is your own private Your love is your own private possession.possession.
Marriage is more than something Marriage is more than something personal.personal.
It is a divine status or an office.It is a divine status or an office.
WHAT MARRIAGE IS …WHAT MARRIAGE IS …ContinuedContinued
Marriage is a life-long commitment.Marriage is a life-long commitment. You both need to be committed to make it You both need to be committed to make it
happen.happen. It offers an opportunity for two people to give It offers an opportunity for two people to give
love, approval and understanding to each love, approval and understanding to each other.other.
No other personal relationship calls for depth of No other personal relationship calls for depth of intimacy and commitment.intimacy and commitment.
Husband and wife can encourage each other’s Husband and wife can encourage each other’s sense of worth, uniqueness and strength.sense of worth, uniqueness and strength.
WHAT MARRIAGE IS…WHAT MARRIAGE IS…ContinuedContinued
Marriage cannot be changed.Marriage cannot be changed.Only the people in marriage can be Only the people in marriage can be
changed.changed.References: Genesis 2:18-25, References: Genesis 2:18-25,
Hebrews 13:4, Proverbs 18:22, Hebrews 13:4, Proverbs 18:22, Ephesians 5:21-33.Ephesians 5:21-33.
LOVELOVE
What the world needs now is love.What the world needs now is love.Love cannot be defined but it can be Love cannot be defined but it can be
lived.lived.The problem is how to demonstrate The problem is how to demonstrate
love.love. In Greek there are four words which In Greek there are four words which
all mean love; i.e Stergo, Eros, all mean love; i.e Stergo, Eros, Phileo, Agape.Phileo, Agape.
STERGOSTERGO
This is love that is inherent in one’s This is love that is inherent in one’s own nature.own nature.
It is an instinctive, natural affection It is an instinctive, natural affection or protectiveness such as animal or protectiveness such as animal protectiveness for its offspring.protectiveness for its offspring.
The love of parents for children and The love of parents for children and vise versa.vise versa.
Father providing for the family and Father providing for the family and mother caring for the sick.mother caring for the sick.
EROSEROS
This is a desire for someone for one’s own This is a desire for someone for one’s own selfish desires with little or no regard for the selfish desires with little or no regard for the other.other.
Passion seeking satisfaction.Passion seeking satisfaction. Primarily in the physical,triggered by Primarily in the physical,triggered by
emotions good or bad.emotions good or bad. Sexual desire,romantic infatuation,selfish Sexual desire,romantic infatuation,selfish
love.love. It can help to build solid marriage relationship.It can help to build solid marriage relationship. Physical desire and fulfillment has a place in Physical desire and fulfillment has a place in
marriage.marriage.
PHILEOPHILEO
This is love which is the response of This is love which is the response of the human spirit to what appeals to it.the human spirit to what appeals to it.
Based upon inner communion and Based upon inner communion and mutual attraction.mutual attraction.
Both have a similarity of outlook on Both have a similarity of outlook on life.life.
It is “liking” and “fondness” to that It is “liking” and “fondness” to that which affords pleasure.which affords pleasure.
We need phileo quality in marriage for We need phileo quality in marriage for enduring relationship.enduring relationship.
AGAPEAGAPE
This is love from one’s heart by the This is love from one’s heart by the awakened sense of value.awakened sense of value.
It does not seek anything in return, not It does not seek anything in return, not even acceptance of itself.even acceptance of itself.
It is first concerned for the other It is first concerned for the other person.person.
It is self-sacrificing love and denotes It is self-sacrificing love and denotes God’s love not human love.God’s love not human love.
It is motivated by “What can I give?” It is motivated by “What can I give?” and not “What can I get?”and not “What can I get?”
WHY IS LOVE IMPORTANT IN WHY IS LOVE IMPORTANT IN MARRIAGE(1Cor.13)MARRIAGE(1Cor.13)
Love is forgiving even when deeply hurt.Love is forgiving even when deeply hurt. Love is unselfish even when it’s something Love is unselfish even when it’s something
you want most badly.you want most badly. Love gives the best of yourself.Love gives the best of yourself. Love is mindful of good manners.Love is mindful of good manners. Love enables the lover to laugh at Love enables the lover to laugh at
himself/herself.himself/herself. Love goes out of its way for the other.Love goes out of its way for the other. Love cares for the growth of the other.Love cares for the growth of the other.
WHY IS LOVE IMPORTANT…WHY IS LOVE IMPORTANT…
Love is protecting and caring.Love is protecting and caring.Love does not allow outside pressure Love does not allow outside pressure
to invade your privacy.to invade your privacy.Love makes the other feel special Love makes the other feel special
“till death do us part”“till death do us part”Ref: Prov.19:14,Gen.1:27-Ref: Prov.19:14,Gen.1:27-
28,Mat.7:27-27,Psa.11:3,1Cor.3:10-28,Mat.7:27-27,Psa.11:3,1Cor.3:10-15.15.
COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATION
It is the absence of the exchange of ideas It is the absence of the exchange of ideas and feelings.and feelings.
Happily married people communicate well.Happily married people communicate well.Communication starts with conversation.Communication starts with conversation.Conversation develops into a heart to heart Conversation develops into a heart to heart
talk.talk.Words are important in communication.Words are important in communication.Action,silence and listening are important.Action,silence and listening are important.
SEVEN LEVELS OF SEVEN LEVELS OF COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATION
Casual conversation as friends.Casual conversation as friends. Sharing of information.Sharing of information. Self-disclosure-sharing of Self-disclosure-sharing of
feelings,attitudes,emotions with partner.feelings,attitudes,emotions with partner. Goal planning.(Short or long term)Goal planning.(Short or long term) Expression of disagreement,argument.Expression of disagreement,argument. Giving support and encouragement to the Giving support and encouragement to the
other.other. Listening to partner.Listening to partner. Ref:Eph.4:15;4:29;4:26-Ref:Eph.4:15;4:29;4:26-
27;4:32;Is.50:4;Psa.141:3;Pro.12:25;Pro.15:27;4:32;Is.50:4;Psa.141:3;Pro.12:25;Pro.15:1-4,28;Pro.21:23.1-4,28;Pro.21:23.
SEX IN MARRIAGESEX IN MARRIAGE
God created man and woman,male God created man and woman,male and female.”Behold it is very good”and female.”Behold it is very good”
It is for the propagation of human It is for the propagation of human race,pleasure and expression of love.race,pleasure and expression of love.
It is a gift of God.It is a gift of God.God protects love by confining sex to God protects love by confining sex to
marriage.marriage.
““HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN”HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN”
Caress,praise,pamper,massage,lather,tantCaress,praise,pamper,massage,lather,tantalize,tingle.alize,tingle.
Understand,support,humour,charm,stimulUnderstand,support,humour,charm,stimulate,placate,facsinate,stroke.ate,placate,facsinate,stroke.
Cuddle,protect,anticipate,grovel,plead,begCuddle,protect,anticipate,grovel,plead,beg,crawl,accessorise.,crawl,accessorise.
Satisfy,enchant,idolize,dazzle,hug,acknowlSatisfy,enchant,idolize,dazzle,hug,acknowledge,tease,flirt,respect.edge,tease,flirt,respect.
Promise,deliver,commit,jack.Promise,deliver,commit,jack. Go back and do it all over again.Go back and do it all over again.
““HOW TO SATISFY A MAN”HOW TO SATISFY A MAN”
JUST SHOW UP NAKED.JUST SHOW UP NAKED.Ref:Gen.1:27-28;Gen.4:1;Mat.19:5-Ref:Gen.1:27-28;Gen.4:1;Mat.19:5-
6;Prov.5:15-19;Songs1:13-16;Songs 6;Prov.5:15-19;Songs1:13-16;Songs 4:1-7;Songs 5:10-16.4:1-7;Songs 5:10-16.
MANAGING YOUR FINANCESMANAGING YOUR FINANCES
Money and choices about its uses are Money and choices about its uses are a daily part of married life.a daily part of married life.
Money can mean different things to Money can mean different things to people.people.
It measures success, power, status It measures success, power, status and emotional security.and emotional security.
Christian couple must be careful not to Christian couple must be careful not to let money use them,they must use it!let money use them,they must use it!
Managing your money is stewardship.Managing your money is stewardship.
MANAGING YOUR FINANCES…MANAGING YOUR FINANCES…
God is the supplier of all possessions, we are to God is the supplier of all possessions, we are to manage there resources well.manage there resources well.
In whatever we do, God first.In whatever we do, God first. A budget is an estimate of family income and A budget is an estimate of family income and
expenses. Prepare one.expenses. Prepare one. ““It is more blessed to give than to receive” Acts It is more blessed to give than to receive” Acts
20:35.20:35. Talk about “we,us,our,relationship” not “my”Talk about “we,us,our,relationship” not “my” Ref:Deut.8:17-Ref:Deut.8:17-
18;1Cor.29:12;Ecc.5:19;1Tim.6:17,Ecc.5:10;1Tim.6:18;1Cor.29:12;Ecc.5:19;1Tim.6:17,Ecc.5:10;1Tim.6:6-10;Luk.12:13-21;Heb.13:5;Phil.4:11-13;Thes.3:7-6-10;Luk.12:13-21;Heb.13:5;Phil.4:11-13;Thes.3:7-12;Prov.6:6-8.12;Prov.6:6-8.
Amen!Amen!
TEN WAYS TO AVOID TEN WAYS TO AVOID DIVORCEDIVORCE
Do things together.Do things together. Make each day the best day.Make each day the best day. Agree to disagree agreeably.Agree to disagree agreeably. Beware of danger zones.Beware of danger zones. Face your weaknesses.Face your weaknesses. Continue dating.Continue dating. Develop intimacy.Develop intimacy. Speak out how you feel.Speak out how you feel. Stay lovers.Stay lovers. Seek help when needed.Seek help when needed.