M A K I N G T H E D E S C E N TC A R E E R C O A C H I N G — PA R T O N E

Matthew Larsen Morava

“ B U T T H E T R U T H I S S I M P L E : N O B O D Y C A N S W I M I N T H E S E A A S I C A N , N O S T R E N G T H I S A M AT C H F O R M I N E "

I N T R O D U C T I O N

B O N A F I D E S

• I love working with careers, it holds an endless fascination for me

• I mix the practical with the soulful in my approach

• Use of developmental models — affection & direction

• Axiom: When a client is stuck in their head, help open their heart; when a client is stuck somewhere in their body, help them “clear” their mind.

• Clear Mind, Wild Heart

• I believe that great coaching is ultimately about balance and grounding in order to “free up” energy

• “The book was blank, all the words had fallen out.” — forget what you think you know (about someone, about a topic)

“ W H E R E T H E S O U L M E E T S B O D Y ”

• Why don’t career centers work in universities?

• They don’t engage with the essential student questions:

• What are my gifts?

• I have a number of gifts, which one should I use and how?

• When I use one of my gifts, what happens to my other gifts?

• Why is career “easy” for some and “hard” for others?

• Why do 2 million Americans leave their job every month? What are they fleeing from or chasing?

G E N T L E O P E N I N G

• Would you take your car/truck to your next door neighbor to be repaired?

• Go to your local banker for medical advice?

• Let an 8 yo drive you to the store?

W E D E P E N D U P O N K S A’ S

• Imagine for a moment if this class had no final grade and zero credit towards a degree? Would you still be here?

• How many classes would you have taken over the course of your academic career if only KSA’s were provided?

• You’d hope that all of them would provide meaningful KSA’s, but often faculty “hide” behind the grading and the degree granting authority of the learning institution

• Higher education will always have a bit of prestige associated with it, but which matters more to you: the degree and name of the institution or the KSA’s?

T H E VA L U E P R O P O S I T I O N O F A D E G R E E I N M A N A G E M E N T

• Human Resources & Performance Management

• Organizational Development & Training

• Operations and Project Management

• Entrepreneurial Drive & Support

A S H I F T I N P R O F E S S I O N A L F O C U S

C R E D E N T I A L S

E X P E R I E N C E

R E A C H

E X P E R T I S E

Tells You Nothing

Shows You Everything

Vs.

1500’s - 2001 2001 -

W H AT I S E X P E R T I S E ?

G I F T S + M A L C O L M G L A D W E L L’ S 1 0 , 0 0 0 H O U R S • Can people grow and change? To what extent?

• Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 hours to become proficient

• Growth has limits: no matter how many hours I put in I’ll never be an amazing singer, even though I love to sing, because I don’t have the requisite talent

• My niece, who’s 8, can sing beautifully, what she does with that talent is her journey

• But, my hands are steady and I have great manual dexterity and reflexes

• Surgeon, Professional Driver, or Cat Burglar

• Inevitably, some of our gifts will go to waste, we can’t use them all in one lifetime

• We are all blessed with multiple gifts

• Archetypes/Contracts

• Ego can “identify” with a gift and get wrapped around the axel like a plastic bag — our identity should never be tied to a single gift

• Expertise is where our innate gifts meet Gladwell’s 10,000 hours

C A R E E R A S L A B Y R I N T H V S . M A Z E

• Past/Present/Future — no distinction • Wherever you are is perfect • Always moving towards the center of your

longing • Non-duality • Your longing is the horizon that moves your

career forward • Bigger pattern than you can recognize, much

less master • Faith — life is holding you with love

• In the moment • Specific goals “Who moved my cheese?” • “Despite all my rage, I’m still just a rat in a

cage” • Duality • Going left or right has consequences — blind

alleys and wrong turns • Failure — clear right and wrong • Accountability is possible • The good news? The maze runners and maze

makers are humans

“ D O W N I N T H E B A S E M E N T, W E H E A R T H E S O U N D O F M A C H I N E S ” • We face obstacles to using our gifts in the form of both people

and the times in which we live

• Not enough software engineers

• Plenty of good writing talent for television: Mad Men, The Walking Dead, The Affair, True Detective, 12 Monkeys, Orphan Black, Game of Thrones, The Americans, Justified, Homeland, The Leftovers, House of Cards, Orange Is The New Black… you get the point

• These obstacles are as real as any “monster” we might face in our lives…

T Y P I C A L M O N S T E R S FA C E D I N C O A C H I N G

The Spirits

Spirit of Accusation

Spirit of Isolation

Sprit of Attack

Spirit of Confusion

Spirits, Injunctions & Counter Injunctions

Injunctions Don't Be (exist) Don't Be You Don't Be A Child Don't Be Grown Up Don't Be Close Don't Make It Don't Be Sane (or Well) Don't Be Important Don't Belong

Injunctions Mixed With Counter Injunctions "Don't"..."Be Careful" "Don't Think"..."Drink" "Don't Think"..."Be Confused" "Don't Be a Child"..."Work Hard" "Don't Be Close"..."Be Strong" "Don't Ask for Strokes"..."Be Needless” "Don't Give Strokes"..."Be Withholding and Aloof” "Don't Be Selfish"..."Please Me” "Don't Relax"..."Hurry Up"

Counter Injunctions "Be Strong" "Be perfect" "Try Hard" "Hurry Up" "Please me" "Work Hard" "Be Careful”

K I N K I N T H E H O S E

• Sex, Spirit, and Money (career) all flow from the same source — we can’t split them up as energy flows or it doesn’t

• Impasses we face in the current moment have roots in our past and impact our future

T H E S P I R I T O F C O N F U S I O N Student — “Do I take this

path or that path?”Cosmic Energy

Head

Throat

Heart

Gut

Groin

Elimination/Grounded

Good decisions are “whole body” and involve flow between the head, the

heart, the gut and the groin

“The only reason we don't open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don't feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else's eyes. ” ― Pema Chödrön

Teacher — “I don’t know, but where in the body are you confused?

The Fall   There was a man who found two leaves and came indoors holding them out saying to his parents that he was a tree.

To which they said then go into the yard and do not grow in the living-room as your roots may ruin the carpet.

He said I was fooling I am not a tree and he dropped his leaves.

But his parents said look it is fall.

Russell Edson

T H E P U R S U I T

https://youtu.be/QAzQ5IFSbeE

Apollo and Daphne

Actaeon and Artemis

Psyche and Eros

T H E “ T O O L S ” T O M O V E F O R W A R D

• Embrace pain and discomfort — “Bring it on!”

• Release your wild heart to love again — “Love is conditional or it’s not, which?”

• Movement Dynamics — Stop roles of pursuit and pursued “Stand still, the forest knows where you are!”

• Break the Jungian Triangle

• Stop the Four Horsemen

• Vulnerability — is a daring kind of honesty and truth

Comfort Zone

Avoidance

Trapped in a Small World

Pain

Pain

Endless Possibilities

Choice: Change or Resistance to Change

F O R G I V E N E S S A N D A P P R E C I AT I O N

• What you’re fighting against — “The childish belief that people will treat your “fairly.” You refuse to move forward with life until the wrong you experienced is rectified. Since that rarely happens, you’re trapped.

• ho’oponopono — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OL972JihAmg

The Choice

freedom to go on with life

outflow

trapped in the past

Spirit of Confusion

Villain

Savior

Victim

The Jungian Triangle

T H E F O U R H O R S E M E N O F T H E A P O C A LY P S E

Criticism Contempt StonewallingDefensiveness

A Robust Vulnerability

Read the story: Senjo and Her Soul are Separated

Senjo was the beloved daughter of Chokan. In childhood she played with her cousin Ochu, and Senjo’s father jokingly told them they were betrothed. They believed him and later fell in love. When her father told her she would marry another man, they were heartbroken.

Ochu left the village in a boat before the marriage. As he left, he saw a figure running along the riverbank, calling to him. It was Senjo. Joyfully, she joined him, and they traveled far away, where they married and had two children.

Five years went by, and Senjo longed to see her parents and ask their forgiveness. They traveled back to their village and Ochu went to her father, told him the story, and apologized for them both.

Chokan, astonished, asked Ochu, “What girl are you talking about?” Your daughter Senjo,” replied Ochu. Chokan said, “My daughter Senjo? Ever since you left, she’ been sick in bed, unable to speak.” Then Ochu brought Senjo up from the boat. As they approached her parents’ door, the Senjo who had been sick got up from her bed, smiling. When the two Senjos met, they merged into one.

Senjo said, “I saw Ochu going away, and that night I dreamed that I ran after his boat. But now I cannot tell which was really me — the one that went away in the boat or the one that stayed home.”

Later Zen Master Wuzu asked, “Senjo was separated from her soul. Which was the real Senjo?”

S U M M A R Y • There are always two ways to tell our story… Labyrinth or Maze, Empowered or Victim

• The koan of “Senjo and Her Soul are Separated” is a wonderful example of the path to finding that there is a right answer to this koan

• When in “Victim” mode the Four Horsemen Appear and the Jungian Triangle is in Play

• Your job as a coach to self or others is to provide the right amount of direction and affection to move the person forward

• Best way is to understand the “horizon” that is calling them fourth and remind them of their gifts

• You can’t “manhandle” your dreams and desires to make them come fourth or make them go away… it’s a seduction, a conversation, an invitation.

• All the old myths tell us of the folly of the “pursuit” of our desires

• As Beowulf illustrates, in order to get to the “mother” of the problem you have to drop the armor and embrace a robust vulnerability; as James Hillman points out… we ultimately love our problems

• The Power of ho’oponopono is 100% responsibility, like Fred Kofman’s LinkedIn talk, they’re saying the same thing — you’re either focused on gravity or the apple.

S E L F R E F L E C T I O N - 1 0 M I N U T E S

• Where are you holding on to the past? Who haven’t you forgiven? What “ghost” is haunting your days that you need to merge with?

• Who do you need to apologize to? What for?

• What pain are you avoiding? There’s only change and resistance to change, how are you engaging and/or avoiding change?

• Can you identify how you are being critical, contemptuous, avoiding, or being defensive?

B R E A K I N T O G R O U P S O F T W O — 1 6 M I N U T E S ( 8 M I N U T E S E A C H )

• Ask your partner — “Describe a time in your past when you pushed through the pain, faced incredible odds, but ultimately triumphed? What were the circumstances? What did you do to be successful? Who was there to support you? How did you celebrate your success?

• “What is the horizon that now calls to you?”

What is the horizon that calls to you?

C R E D I T S

• Natalie Goldberg from “Zen Howl” — Senjo and Her Soul are Separated

• Phil Stutz and Barry Michaels — “The Tools”

• Denmark — The story of Beowulf

• Carl Jung — Jungian Triangle

• John Gottman — Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

• Dr. Hew Len — Ho’oponopono

• Katie Hendricks (The Hendricks Institute) — The Kink In the Hose

• I can’t take credit for labyrinth versus maze, not my idea, and I’d properly credit the work but that book is locked away in storage — I’ll come back and fix this.

• Injunctions and Counter Injunctions from Transactional Analysis

• Song lyrics from “Death Cab for Cutie, Smashing Pumpkins, and the Talking Heads”