Making a Statement Beyond the Selfie:

Writing Your Personal Statement

August 24, 2016

1) What is the personal statement and why is the personal statement important? 2) Prewriting and Notes 3) Choosing the right question 5) Getting specific and looking for "show-details” 5) Crafting a narrative

6) Nuts and Bolts

Become familiar with admission criteria of your school!

The most important factors are almost always…

1) SAT or School Achievement?

• School Achievement = grades, rank, strength of program, honors, and AP

2) SAT or School Achievement?

3) Extracurricular activities, Recommendations, and ESSAY

Why is the Personal Statement Important?

• Bloomfield College

• Caldwell University

• Centenary College

• College of Saint Elizabeth

• Drew University

• Felician University

• Georgian Court University

• Kean University

• Monmouth University

• New Jersey City University

• New Jersey Institute of Technology

• Princeton University

• Ramapo College of NJ

• Richard Stockton

• Rider

• Rowan

• Saint Peter’s University

• Seton Hall

• Stevens Institute of Technology

• The College of New Jersey

• William Patterson

Common Application Schools in New Jersey

• Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

• The lessons we take from failures can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn from the experience?

Common Application Questions 1-2

• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?

• Describe a problem you’ve solved or a problem you’d like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma-anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.

• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

Common Application Questions 3-5

• Tell a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.

• Describe a time you made a meaningful contribution to others in which the greater good was your focus. Discuss the challenges and rewards of making your contribution.

• Has there been a time when you’ve had a long-cherished or accepted belief challenged? How did you respond? How did the challenge affect your beliefs?

• What is the hardest part of being a teenager now? What’s the best part? What advice would you give a younger sibling or friend (assuming they would listen to you)?

• Submit an essay on the topic of your choice.

Rutgers Essay Options for 2016

• What does it mean for writing to be personal?

• Honest and Accurate

• Finding your voice = finding the right topic!

• Content?

• What is the question(s) actually asking me?

• Style?

• Take risks and be creative but also be consistent

How Do I Start the Personal Statement?

Writing is a process!

Take notes and make edits BEFORE you write the first draft!

Above All Else…

DIVE RIGHT INTO THE STORY!

Examples of Action, Description and Dialogue:

•Sitting cross-legged on the floor of a Bhimanagar slum dwelling in Bangalore, I ran my fingers across a fresh cut on my forehead. •I almost didn't live through September 11th, 2001. •When I was 8 years old, I shocked my family and a local archaeologist by discovering artifacts dating back almost 3,500 years. •When I was in eighth grade I couldn't read. •While traveling through the daily path of life, have you ever stumbled upon a hidden pocket of the universe? •The spaghetti burbled and slushed around the pan, and as I stirred it, the noises it gave off began to sound increasingly like bodily functions. •I had never seen anyone get so excited about mitochondria. •Cancer tried to defeat me, and it failed. •I stand on the riverbank surveying this rippled range like some riparian cowboy—instead of chaps, I wear vinyl, thigh-high waders and a lasso of measuring tape and twine is slung over my arm. •I have old hands. •Flying over enemy territory, I took in Beirut's beautiful skyline and wondered if under different circumstances I would have hopped on a bus and come here for my vacation. Instead, I saw the city from the window of a helicopter, in military uniform, my face camouflaged, on my way to a special operation deep behind enemy lines.

Grab the with the First line

•My younger sister, Jessica, arrived home one day reeling about the shirt that her friend had worn to school. It had simply read, “Genocide, Homicide, Suicide, Riverside.” •I'll never forget the day when my childhood nightmares about fighting gigantic trolls in the Lord of the Rings series became a reality. Sword in hand and clad in medieval samurai armor, I dragged myself into the battleground as I faced my opponent, a warmongering giant. •Good Grief! You never would have guessed that an unassuming meek lovable loser like Charlie Brown would have an influence on anyone; but indeed he has. •Some fathers might disapprove of their children handling noxious chemicals in the garage. •I was paralyzed from the waist down. I would try to move my leg or even shift an ankle but I never got a response. This was the first time thoughts of death ever crossed my mind. •As an Indian-American, I am forever bound to the hyphen. •Journey to Gulu's outskirts and you will uncover the scene where education was raped 11 years ago; some Ugandan teens also lost their innocence in exchange for their lives. •I have been surfing Lake Michigan since I was 3 years old. •On a hot Hollywood evening, I sat on a bike, sweltering in a winter coat and furry boots. •I change my name each time I place an order at Starbucks.

Grab the with the First line

Other Ways to Grab Your Reader:

Questions: Did you ever do anything humorous as a child?

Do you have a place where you feel perfectly at peace?

Have you ever faced a personal struggle during your life?

Quotes: “Laughter can be exactly the cure to a bad day.”

A famous person once said that, “Without a place where we feel content we will never be able to sort out our thoughts.”

Miss Abbate once said, “Challenges are what make us stronger.”

finding the right topic = first, find several topics

Take notes

Interview Yourself

How Do I Start the Personal Statement?

1) What do I like to do and why?

2) What is different about me?

3) What drives me?

4) What moments in my life have impacted me?

5) What are some of my successes?

6) How have I matured?

7) …

Interview Questions

Review the answers to your interview questions and focus on the question that:

1) You are most passionate about.

2) You have the most “show-details” about.

3) Can easily tailor to the essay question.

(Notice that it’s only now, after taking notes, that we are ready to think about the essay question.)

Narrow It Down

Now that you have found your topic write about everything that relates to your topic.

Do not worry about word count, structure, or apparent relevance. No detail is too small.

Expand on the Topic

Around five or six years old started playing Football at St. Bart’s. Dad was a football fan and wanted me to play and played all the way to playing high school football. Being a quarterback is being a leader of the team, life of the offense, spotlight is always on you, steady, humble, even-keeled, so far 3 and 0 outscored opponents 87 to 10. Offensive line started as sophomore and I started as a Junior but they have been playing together. We are friends, have each other’s back, close nit, have each other’s back. Last year we played point beach and lost and this year we beat them. Knowing someone has my blindside when I dropped back to pass, faith, confidence, trust, execution. Practice everyday after school and are the last team practicing from 2:45 to 6:30 five days a week with a game on Saturday. Sweltering hot and frigid cold and knowing that it winning is something that you have to earn. Have to take what is yours. Last year we lost three division games by a total of five points, not being able to run out the clock, unable to make a big play on defense, this past Saturday we ran out the clock, finished with the ball, and won the game.

1) Regroup!

2) Reread

3) Think about the prompts

4) Reread and slice and dice with the prompt in mind!

Regroup

Based on the Notes, Which Question Would You Choose and Why?

Avoid general and vague statements.

Avoid jargon and details that will loose the reader.

Avoid details that are not relevant to the topic.

Find the details that SHOW, not hide!

Narrow it Down

Yellow Text = “show-details”

During the next several slides try to figure out why the white text does not work for the essay.

Expand on the Topic

Around five or six years old started playing Football at St. Bart’s. Dad was a football fan and wanted me to play and played all the way to playing high school football. Being a quarterback is being a leader of the team, life of the offense, spotlight is always on you, steady, humble, even-keeled, so far 3 and 0 outscored opponents 87 to 10. Offensive line started as sophomore and I started as a Junior but they have been playing together. We are friends, have each other’s back, close nit, have each other’s back. Last year we played point beach and lost and this year we beat them. Knowing someone has my blindside when I dropped back to pass, faith, confidence, trust, execution. Practice everyday after school and are the last team practicing from 2:45 to 6:30 five days a week with a game on Saturday. Sweltering hot and frigid cold and knowing that it winning is something that you have to earn. Have to take what is yours. Last year we lost three division games by a total of five points, not being able to run out the clock, unable to make a big play on defense, this past Saturday we ran out the clock, finished with the ball, and won the game.

Expand on the Topic

Over the summer we down to Union beech and did some Sandy Relief and helped people through the touchdown club, drinks before and during the game, fundraising includes selling discount cards, sell clothes. Fundraising throughout high school and working for what I have. School does not pay for Uniforms so last year we earned the money for our uniforms. Last year’s uniform was ten years old and inherited from someone else. Trustworthy, dependable, and hardworking and determined. My receivers trust me not hang them out to dry and through right over the middle, constantly protecting them with the decisions I make, sometimes the best throw is not always the safest. Post route and the safety crossed over and I knew if I made the throw he was going to get crushed so I pump faked and decided to check down and throw the ball for less yards. Hardworking – four and six last year and even though it was the clearly the defense I knew that I had to get better, went to lift weights five days a week, and Sundays went to clinic, mechanics, passing, footwork, drop steps, arm motion, moving around the pocket.

Expand on the Topic

Movement in the pocket, take a five step drop and take a disk. Academic or intellectual, head coach was an English teacher, taught mythology and media, and he would discuss new formations with me with new plays, formations were x’s and o’s on the computer and studied a lot with film. We watch film two to three times a week, two hours at a time, pick up on nuances of the game and habits of the other team such as the specific physical gesture the quarterback makes when sending a back in motion and I can tell my friends on the line that this quirk is something he does just before he calls the play. Watch video and notice three backs on the right and notice if they make any shifts on that we can tell based on the shifts – pre-snap alignment what kind of offence they will run and what will be effective.

Expand on the Topic

Step 1) Find the THEMES

“In the pocket” =

1) Power

2) Fear

3) Instinct

4) Trust

Crafting a Narrative

Step 2) Find the EVIDENCE (“show-details”)

1) Power = ?

2) Fear = ?

3) Instinct = ?

4) Trust = ?

Crafting a Narrative

Step 3) Put it all together

You’ll need an Intro, Body and Conclusion!

Crafting a Narrative

Intro: Attention Grabber

Make sure that you don’t get entirely caught up with your attention getter and forget to state your purpose to the audience

Purpose/Recap of Question (don’t reiterate the question word for word)

Supporting Details

End your paragraph with a THESIS STATEMENT that tells the reader where you’re going next

Body Paragraph(s) Show, Don’t Tell

Include details and descriptions (utilize all five senses)

Supporting Evidence Your experience acts as the evidence that proves your

thesis

Events of narrative should demonstrate the lesson learned or significance of event to you

Transitions Paragraphs should connect to one another; use

transition words!

Conclusion: The Moral of the Story

The conclusion of a narrative should include the closing of the event, but also should include some reflection or analysis of the significance of the event to the writer.

What lesson did you learn?

How has what happened to you affected your life now?

• Vague Word Choice many = multitude

very = extremely

some = approximately

a lot = plethora

• Correct Word Choice there, their, they’re

too, to, two

weather, whether

affect, effect

• Spelling Watch you’re words! Spell check may not sea words witch are miss

used because their spelled rite!

Grammar Do’s and Don'ts

Grammar Do’s and Don'ts • Indefinite/Ambiguous Pronouns

Example: Kevin and his dad returned his car since he didn’t like how it drove.

• Misplaced modifiers Incorrect: Molly gave her dog a bone, who was reading the

newspaper. Correct: Molly, who was reading the newspaper, gave her dog a

bone.

• Punctuation Apostrophes and Commas especially!

Its versus it’s: The dog grabbed bone. Apostrophes indicate when something is plural but also

possession

Don’t be comma happy! You will most likely create a run-on sentence.

Grammar Do’s and Don'ts

• Subject/Verb Agreement

Incorrect: The group study at the library every Monday. Correct: The group studies at the library every Monday.

• Sentence Fragments Incorrect: An epic night! Correct: I had an epic night! OR It was an epic night!

• Run-on Sentences/Wordiness Incorrect: On Saturday we went to the movies and I saw my favorite

film which was lucky because it was completely packed in the theater. Correct: On Saturday, we went to the movies. I saw my favorite film,

which was lucky because it was completely packed in the theater.

• Choose a topic that will highlight YOU

• Keep your focus Narrow and Personal

• SHOW, don’t tell

• Use your own voice

• Be honest, accurate and creative

• Ask a teacher, counselor, parent, etc. to proofread

• Make corrections

• Be mindful of deadlines

Don’t Forget: