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    Magical Communication Metaphors

    By

    Peter Murphy

    All rights reserved. You cannot give this report away free or sell it. You do not have resale rights tothis report. This report may not be reproduced in any format without the expressed writtenpermission of Peter Murphy. All violators will be prosecuted.

    While attempts have been made to verify information contained in this publication, neither theauthor nor the publisher assumes any responsibility for errors, omissions, interpretation or usage ofthe subject matter herein.

    This publication contains the opinions and ideas of its author and is intended for informationalpurposes only. The author and publisher shall in no event be held liable for any loss or otherdamages incurred from the usage of this publication.

    Use this information at your own risk.

    (C) Copyright 2003 by Peter Murphy [email protected]

    Table of Contents

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    03 Introduction04 Lady Twilight and The Mystic Twins

    05 The Mirror Man06 Small Steps and Golden Stones08 Where You Want to Be10 Future Self in The Magic Cave of Maro11 Cats, Dogs and Telephones13 Blue Boxes and Big Arguments14 There is Always Only One16 Talk to Me About You17 The TV Within19 Mismatching by The Pool20 Lady Twilight Dives Deeper into Approval

    Introduction

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    One of the simplest yet rarely used advanced communication technique is storytelling. Everyone loves to hear a good story and good storytellers always enjoy thecomplete attention of those listening to their every word as the story unfolds.

    In How to Communicate with Unstoppable Confidence in 20 Days or Less wecovered the importance of learning to use metaphors as a solution formisunderstandings. Well, metaphors are a special kind of story telling where we tellthe story without directly pointing out the obvious, where we allow the listener todiscover the hidden message on their own.

    For example to explain the ups and downs of the stock market you might tell astory about the incoming tide washing debris onto the beaches and the outgoingtide leaving the beach bare. With a metaphor this would suffice to explain theprinciple without then explaining in detail how to chart stock market highs and lows.

    In this special report I have for the first time compiled some of my favoritemetaphors. I wrote each one to teach communication skills principles so not onlywill you see even more examples of well constructed metaphors you will also learnsome new material you can take away and apply today in your life.

    In the material you are about to read I do spell out what the metaphor means soyou can start to understand how to create your own metaphors. However in real lifesituations it is advisable to let the listeners connect the dots for themselves. Thatway the metaphor will have a far more powerful effect on them.

    I also give you guidelines for putting the principles into action right away.

    One final point. Notice how I create sensory rich stories that appeal to all thesenses. Populate your metaphors with visual, auditory and feeling based words toreally grab peoples attention and to create vivid word pictures that cause everyonelistening to listen attentively to what you say.

    Have fun and learn lots!

    Peter [email protected]

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    Lady Twilight And The Mystic Twins

    Lady Twilight walked through the forest, quickly. Then as sheapproached the clearing at the top of the hill she began to feeltense and a little nervous. She stopped for a moment to catch her

    breath as she looked back down the trail she had just walkedalong.

    Everything was still, and there was hardly a sound to be heardexcept for one woodpecker in the distance, stubbornly peckingaway without any concern for the world around him. Then sherealized something for the very first time. She always feltnervous in this place, and not because of this place but becauseof where it took her - to the weekly gathering at the hilltop.

    Twilight really enjoyed meeting the forest people; only each time

    she visited there always seemed to be even more of them. Friendsand travelers were forever popping by to stay for a day or aweek. There were always strangers to meet.

    She did not like meeting strangers, that nervous feeling just gotworse and she did not know what to say to these friendly peoplefrom outside her world. And one thing bothered here the most,those times when she got embarrassed and blushed redder than thesun setting over the hill itself.

    Twilight sat there feeling tense, looking at the trees and

    hearing only that lonely woodpecker somewhere in the distancetapping away. Then the strangest thing happened. She thought fora moment that she heard a word echo through the valley, a wordformed from the tapping of the bird. Then she heard a string ofwords and this is what they said - *blush first so that you donot need to blush*

    She hurried along so as not to be late and before long she was inthe clearing happily talking away to her friends. When all of asudden one of the elders asked her if she had met the mystictwins yet. Feeling nervous Twilight admitted that she had not.

    He returned a few minutes later with the mystic twins, two talland fierce creatures, one named blusher the other namedbarrassment, who nevertheless were kind and gentle among friends.Just then, Twilight remembered the message of the woodpecker -blush first so that you do not need to blush!

    Although it seemed silly, she tried with all her might to feel

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    embarrassed and to blush redder than she had ever done beforenow. No matter how hard she tried she just could not seem toblush, not even a little bit. She even enjoyed meeting the mystictwins.

    Many years later Lady Twilight met me one evening in the clearingat the hilltop and she told me what I have told you today. Andshe told me how it works.

    Lady Twilight employs the principle of paradoxical intention totake charge of her feelings of embarrassment when she meets newpeople. That means that she consciously tries to produce anunwanted feeling in her body before her unconscious does itfirst. Ironically that can block the unpleasant feeling happeningat all.

    Blushing is an automatic process, when we try to blush we canseldom do it because it is a function of our unconscious mind.Try to feel stressed, try to feel nervous or try to feelembarrassed and you will be hard pressed to produce the feelings.

    The Mirror Man

    Lady Twilight felt angry. It was one of those days when she wasdoing her best to be nice to everyone but nobody was being niceto her.

    What if people could be friendlier she thought to herself as shewandered through the open-air market. It was a warm, sunny day sothere was no use blaming the weather. In that case it must meanthat people just do not like me, she decided.

    The chatter of voices was all around while she sat at a table bythe side of the shopping crowd. She sipped a glass of green juiceand felt very alone despite all the shoppers rushing about thestreet. Just then she spotted a young man and the newspaperheadline on his paper... Lead And They Will Follow.

    Twilight finished her drink and wandered along the street,feeling heavy, tired and still a little angry at this worldfull of unfriendly people. She turned to the left and walkedright past the mirror man, he was there every week sellingmirrors of all shapes and sizes. He was singing away to himselfuntil he spotted Twilight, then the sparkle left his eyes and hisface froze into a stern harsh expression.

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    She glared at him and out of the corner of her eye she caught herreflection in a mirror. She looked so angry and so bad temperedthat she even surprised herself. So shocked was she by her lookof rage that she burst out laughing.

    The mirror man started laughing too and the two of them laugheduntil it hurt. With a sore belly, Twilight bade farewell to herfriend and skipped along through the market with an innerhappiness and a smile for everyone she met.

    Something weird happened though. At this end of the marketeveryone wanted to talk to her, and most people seemed pleased tosee her. People went out of their way to help her and it was apleasure dealing with these nice people up this end of the street.

    She walked past a newsstand and there was that headline again...Lead And They Will Follow. Something clicked - so that is how itworks. Smile and people will smile back, give first and then youwill receive. The world is like a mirror and people reflect backto you what you give out.

    Although not everyone will be nice back the odds certainly are inyour favor if you take the risk and give first. Lead and letothers follow your example.

    People want to be liked, let them know that you like them andthey will feel safer with you and the quality of communicationwill improve dramatically.

    Lady Twilight smiled and the world smiled back.

    Small Steps And Golden Stones

    It was a long walk but someone had to do it. And today it was upto Tori to carry the water from the river, through the fieldsand across the valley, back to the camp.

    He set out early before sunrise so that he could do his workbefore the heat of the day became too much. Very soon he wasstanding by the side of the river. He knelt down and cupped theflowing water into his hands.

    It felt great. So refreshing, cool and alive as it flowed throughhis outstretched hands. He drank some of the revitalizing waters

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    before filling the two large urns with this clear, fresh water.

    Holding one urn to his chest with each hand, Tori started thelong walk back to the distant camp. Even though the sun was nowrising he could still not even make out the outline of the tents.

    They were there somewhere on the other side of these fields, andacross the wooded valley.

    He walked on, taking care to stay clear of the high grass thattried to brush against him as he made his way along the paththrough the field. He also took care to keep his balance as hewalked along the dirt track otherwise he would spill water allalong his route.

    Tori walked quickly and before long, even before he noticed, hewas on the outskirts of the camp. The sun was a golden orange ashe stopped to rest. He put the urns down on the ground and atthat moment Kuma, the old wise man of the village, walked out togreet him.

    Kuma had a smile on his old face as he looked down at the dewdrenched trousers worn by Tori. He giggled as he waved hiswalking stick in the air and explained to the confused Tori whyhe was laughing so hard.

    Here is what he said: when you focus on what you want to avoidthose little monsters grow even bigger, and faster than youexpect. Instead put your attention only on what you want andwhere you want to go!

    Today as you walked through the field you wanted to avoid gettingwet and hot. Nor did you want to lose any water from those twofull urns. But you got soaked by the wet grass and you slippedfrom time to time on the damp track and lost a little water eachtime. And all the worry made you sweat.

    If instead you had paid attention to what you wanted - to be cooland dry as you carried the urns you might have noticed the otherpathway through the field. The one in the shadow of the forest.

    You can walk along that trail of perfectly level golden stones atanytime of the day without being bothered by the heat of the sun.One step and one golden stone at a time would have brought youhome very dry indeed with two urns full to the brim.

    And so it is for us all. Know what you want and you just mightget it otherwise you are doomed to get what you worry about -

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    that which you do not want.

    The best communicators and the most persuasive presenters knowexactly what they want to say and how they want to impact theiraudience.

    If they want you to laugh they tell a good joke, if they want youto listen up they might speak more softly or even pause and usesilence to capture your attention. And if they want to feelrelaxed and confident for a big event they prepare diligently inadvance of the big day.

    Be highly specific about your intentions and you will find thesteps to take you where you want to go. Your steps to success areout there - go find your gold.

    Where You Want To Be

    Barry was on the phone in his office, speaking with confidence,energy and passion.

    In his office were a number of removal men working quickly movingfurniture out the door to the van parked outside. Before long theoffice was bare except for some old files, a cracked pictureframe and a parched plant.

    Just then a tall man in a dark suit entered the building with aswagger. He found Barry still on the phone, standing in a cornerof the empty office. His voice echoed around the empty room ashe finished his conversation and hung up and placed the phoneback on the floor.

    Barry reached into his pocket to find his keys; he selectedthe car key and reluctantly handed it over. The man in the suitgrabbed it before walking outside and driving off at high speed inthe car.

    John walked in to see Barry just as all of this was happening. Hewas surprised at how relaxed and confident Barry was given thecircumstances. You see, Barry had just lost his business and theremoval men had arrived to repossess his furniture while the carleasing company had taken back the Rolls Royce because thepayments had fallen into arrears.

    John was here for the same reason - to collect an unpaid debt.

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    Although it was clear now that there was little chance of gettingany money. So John and Barry did a deal. If Barry would teach himhow he could be so cool in the face of pressure than the debtwould be regarded as paid.

    This is what Barry said to him:

    The big secret in life is to train your mind to think onlyabout what you want to happen and to keep your thoughts off ofwhat you do not want. Despite the fact that I have just lost mybusiness, my car, and my office I just got off the phone, beforeit gets disconnected, after negotiating what could be one of mybiggest deals ever.

    Always keep your mind picturing what you really want and THINKABOUT WHERE YOU WANT TO BE and not where you are. Stressis what happens when you put your attention on the wrong things.

    And now over to you! Most people live life in a trance withoutnoticing the thoughts that are flying around inside their headsall day long. Spend more time each day spotting what you thinkabout, you will likely find that you often run through all thethings that could go wrong as well as seeing situations workingout as being only o.k.

    Next, review a recent event where the pressure was on and youfroze. How did you manage to put yourself in such anunresourceful state? What thoughts were going through your mind?

    More than likely you created big pictures in your mind of thingsgoing wrong.

    Get into the habit of expecting things to work out and you willfind yourself picturing life running more smoothly. You will thenfeel more confident, people will respond to you differently andyou will get better results. Before long you will see that it isa self-fulfilling prophecy.

    Expect more, do more and get more whether that be money, love,happiness or peace of mind. Expect the best.

    Future Self In The Magic Cave Of Maro

    The Moon was almost full when Grace set off on foot through theseaside village. She walked slowly for there was no hurry and her

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    destination; the caves of Maro were only a short way up thecoast.

    She looked down the coast and smiled to herself as she watchedthe moonlight playing on the waves and lighting up the shoreline

    with a brilliant shine that made everything so magical. It was aspecial night and she knew that better than anyone else.

    Before long Grace was standing at the entrance to the caves, shelit a pure white candle and with a rush of excitement she walkedinto the underground world where her special night was onlybeginning.

    Once inside she turned right and walked down the long passagethat opened out into a vast room populated only by bats and thebirds that flew in through a big opening in the high ceiling.Already the Moon was starting to peek in through the opening.

    Grace sat down in front of the two deep blue pools and waited.The candle flickered gently and before long the Moon had traveledfar enough across the night sky to fill the cavern with itsbrilliant light. Grace shivered and feeling only a littleapprehensive she began.

    First of all she gazed into the darkness of the pool on her left.Slowly she could make out her reflection and gradually the lifeshe had lived began to be played out in the images in the deep,cold water. She watched and saw how she was and is, how shetalks and walks, and how she interacts with other people.

    She proceeded to watch the images of her identity and took it allin. For the first time she noticed that so much of who she is,was on automatic and out of date. Maybe it made sense being shy,timid and fearful when she was a child. Now as a grown up she didnot need to be that way any longer.

    The images in the pool faded away into the blackness and the poolbubbled furiously. Grace felt like a part of her had left to livesomewhere else. A cold breeze touched her cheek. She turned herattention to the other pool, the one on the right.

    This pool had a different color to it, a rich blue, and itseemed warmer. The images were big, bright and really close asshe watched the drama unfold. It was then that Grace realizedthat she was looking into her future.

    Her future identity was unfolding before her and she got to

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    choose just how good she made it. She could see herself smilingand laughing, easily making conversation with all sorts of peopleand loving every minute of it. Grace felt at peace with all partsof herself as she watched a blue mist rise up from the pool andcompletely surround her. And she felt a loving warm glow inside.

    She stood up in the moonlit cave and could feel energy pulsingthrough her body. She felt energized yet absolutely relaxed andat peace. Grace knew that things would never again be the same.

    Over to you!

    Your identity is your personally created sense of self yet manyof us neglect to decide WHO we really want to be. Take a momentnow to daydream and to write down who you would like to become.And I am talking now about who you want to be rather than whatyou want to do or have.

    Describe how you would look and sound to an observer. Payattention to how you would talk to other people. I like to usewords like persuasive, charming, great listener, confident.

    Now, take time each day to picture your desired identity and goto work to create it by developing, one at a time, the missingskills you need to become your expanded self.

    Cats, Dogs And TelephonesKaren stared at the wall and mumbled into the phone. Sitting inher office cubicle she felt tired with nothing other than theflickering fluorescent light there to brighten up her day.

    Another day, another round of people ringing her, and each timeshe is so supposed to be so friendly and so helpful. How unfairshe thought to herself for she had become just another hamster ina cage.

    Walking home after work Karen walked past a pet store and spotteda puppy jumping about and wagging his tail, enthusiasticallygreeting everyone who walked by in front of his window. While inanother cage sat a black kitten all curled up and staring at ablank wall. Karen walked on and made it home before the darkskies poured down on her.

    Later in the evening Lisa rang. Karen had not spoken to her for

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    weeks and was full of energy and excitement as they spoke andlaughed together about all that had been happening. They talkeduntil late into the evening and afterwards Karen felt relaxed andonly a little tired, all thoughts of work were far, far away.

    The next day, Karen dragged herself into the office andreluctantly made her way back to her cage. The phone startedringing almost immediately and another day at work had commenced.As she stared at the wall and listened to the phone in her handshe remembered the kitten in the pet store and realized that shewas no different to that little ball of fur. Then as she recalledwhat the playful puppy looked like she had a breakthrough.

    If the kitten did what the puppy did then maybe the kitten wouldbe livelier and happier look at the people not the wall!

    The phone rang again and Karen decided to be a playful puppy foronce in her life. She decided to look at the person not the wall,she imagined what the person looked like, how old they were, andwhere they were. Then she listened more closely to how the personspoke. Much to here surprise she spotted lots of nuances she hadpreviously been completely unaware of.

    She found she could hear different accents, voice tones, volumesand pace. Suddenly talking on the phone had become fascinating.

    And not only that, Karen was full of energy and getting on betterthan ever with the people who phoned her. Being a playful puppywas fun and it meant she could do her job better than before andenjoy the work too.

    And now over to you!

    Speaking and listening on the telephone is sometimes hard workespecially if you use the phone a lot. Instead of staring at ablank wall or into space you can use your imagination to createthe image of that real person at the other end of the line.

    Pay more attention to how people speak and not just what they sayand you will find phone talk has limitless possibilities forentertainment.

    Remember you are talking to a person not to a piece of plasticand a phone network. This awareness will help you to befriendlier and this will be reflected back to you from the personat the other end.

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    Blue Boxes And Big Arguments

    Paul worked hard all morning stacking the boxes in the warehouse.He was careful to only move the blue boxes just like his boss had

    directed him. The warehouse was full of boxes. Green ones, blueones, red ones and orange ones. And three quarters of these boxeswere blue.

    It would take Paul most of the day to pick out the blue boxesfrom the rainbow of boxes stacked the length of the wall that ledout to the car park. Once he was finished he could go home andenjoy the weekend, two days free of boxes.

    He was nearly finished by late afternoon when Josh, his bosspulled into the car park outside. Josh walked in and stared in

    disbelief at what Paul had done. Then the argument commenced.

    For almost ten minutes the two men shouted and screamed at eachother. You see Josh wanted the boxes tidied up alright but notthe blue ones. And he had made this clear to Paul who obviouslyhad not listened to him.

    Meanwhile Paul was convinced that he had done exactly what he hadbeen told to do - stack up only the blue boxes. This was not thefirst time they had had a misunderstanding. In fact it happenedat least twice a week.

    The two men tired from arguing turned back to the boxes andworked together to get the job done properly before the warehouseshut for the weekend.

    Paul got home exhausted with very negative feelings towards boxesof all colors. Never again he promised himself, never again.There must be a solution to these constant misunderstandings.

    Later that night while watching a movie he got the answer to hisproblem. In the movie a flight was about to take off and thescene in the cockpit was a familiar one with the pilots checkingeverything before take off and confirming progress with oneanother before going onto the next step.

    Paul resolved to check and confirm in future before starting anynew projects for his boss. Back at work on Monday Josh liked theidea and they joked about it each day - over and out. The bestthing about it all was they started to work better together

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    because they knew the other person was really listening - askingquestions to check and confirm was a help not a hindrance.

    And now over to you!

    Like most people you may often assume what someone meanswhen it would be worthwhile to check and confirm that you are onthe same wavelength. Asking questions is a great way to show thatyou are paying attention to the other person.

    Allow yourself to have even greater rapport and greater clarity inyour conversations. Consider where in your life you havemisunderstandings and resolve to check and confirm your way backto consensus.

    There is always only one

    When I was a student I had a summer job working for a hardwarestore in London, England. For two months I worked with the otheremployees to turn an empty warehouse into a full stocked andready for business retail outlet. There was a tremendous amountof work to be done and lots of overtime. This was great for me asI was saving up for another year at college.

    I remember the opening day. There was a line of people waitingoutside for the doors to open and you could almost see the greedin their eyes as they waited impatiently to get their hands on

    the special offers.

    When we did open the store was very busy all day. And we werealso visited by the men in suits. Executives from head officeturned up and tried to look important and knowledgeable althoughthey seemed to be careful to avoid doing any work. I decided toget a job like that one day.

    Although I did not want to. I was one of the staff selected touse the electric industrial saw that was used to cut customertimber down to size. I had been trained to use it and hadpracticed with it once or twice. I hated using it because it wasdangerous - you even had to wear a protective mask when operatingit.

    On the opening day I was working the saw and to my dismay therewas a long line of people waiting to have wood cut to theirspecifications. There was no escape - I had to do it.

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    As I stood there sweating I started cutting wood to the loudwhirring noise of steel against laminated wood. And every time Ifinished a piece I could see that long line stretching away intoinfinity. I tried to work faster and faster.

    It was then that I started making mistakes and that made me feeleven more stressed and so I started to sweat a little more.

    At this point one of the executives from head office wandered by,obviously passing the time by going for a walk around the store.I thought to myself it must be hard keeping yourself occupied allday if you have nothing to do.

    He spotted the growing crowd waiting with their measurements formy attention. And he came over to talk to me. I waited for somepointless directive about working more quickly. Instead he gaveme excellent advice that I still remember and use today.

    Here is what he said:

    It does not matter how many people are standing waiting for you.You ALWAYS only have one customer - the one standing in front ofyou, the one you are dealing with. The rest can wait.

    And you know what. That change in perspective worked wonders forme. I could not handle a crowd of people with demands but I couldeasily handle one - one at a time could even be fun. The rest ofthe day was easy all of a sudden and I almost enjoyed sawing allthat wood.

    Think about your life. Think about when the pressure is on andyou must deliver. It can be like pumping up a balloon - you tryto do numerous things at once and the pressure builds and buildsuntil you can hardly concentrate.

    Would it help if you took that project or activity and broke itdown into manageable steps? What if you then took it one step ata time and gave your complete attention to only that step?

    For example, how about speaking to a crowd. Instead of speakingto all of the people, how about picking out the friendly facesand looking at each one in turn as if you are talking oneto one?

    Give your complete attention to the one activity or task you areengaged in for the present moment and let the pressure deflatelike a flat tire.

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    Talk To Me About You

    Karl shut the door of his pick up truck taking care not to smudge

    the paintwork with his fingers. He straightened the red baseballcap that covered his bare head and made his way up the steps intothe bar.

    He felt good. Work had gone well today, he had finished early ashe usually did on a Friday, and he had gone for a swim in theocean at a quite beach on the outskirts of Hyannis. He loved theway swimming made him feel so refreshed and healthy. And with thesun shining it was just a perfect day.

    Tonight should be fun he thought to himself as the music pumped

    out of the open bar door. He walked in and his buddies were allstanding by the TV catching the closing minutes of yet anothersoccer match. Karl did not really care much for sport apart fromswimming but this was a sports bar so he just smiled and joinedhis friends.

    They talked for hours about which team was the best, which was themost valuable player, and why their opinion was correct and the

    team manager was wrong. Karl did not know much about soccer so hejoined in as best he could and was happy to hang out with hisfriends.

    He had learned a long time ago a very simple principle that hadserved him very well over the years. It made common sense toapply this principle but so few people did. He had even tried toexplain it to a relative during the holidays that could not seethe point of it.

    * Be more interested in the other person than in yourself. *

    Karl had proved to himself that this was the secret to havinglots of friends, which was one thing he was never short of.Unlike his relative who was a very difficult person to likebecause he always talked about himself. Instead Karl encouragedother people to talk to him about what was important to them. Andpeople really enjoyed talking to Karl because he was such a goodlistener.

    He actively asked his friends to tell him what they were mostexcited about, what they were doing that really mattered to them

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    and what their goals for the future were. Not only that. Karlgave his friends his complete attention when they spoke to himand he never criticized them even when he did not agree withtheir ideas.

    Karl and his friends left the bar and walked out into the balmynight laughing about some silly joke that was not even funny.

    And now over to you!

    In your life what if there is a person that you know but yourarely show any interest in him or her. Maybe you have become alittle lazy because after all you have known him for so long.

    But do you really know him that well. What if you got up to datewith him and found out what his concerns, interests and worriesare TODAY. Maybe you would discover a new depth to yourfriendship.

    And what if you could even have fun getting to know this personall over again. Hmmmmm!

    The TV Within

    Mark just did not get it. He had in front of him a detaileddescription of how he wanted to be. And still he had not become

    that person. If goal setting was supposed to work then why was henot becoming a great communicator? Why did he still find it hardto get rapport with some people, and why did he still lackcharisma?

    He slumped down a little lower in his chair and picked up the TVremote. After selecting a movie channel he struggled toconcentrate on the plot as it unfolded on the screen.

    Even with his state of the art TV the picture was terrible. Markdecided to adjust the picture. He changed the brightness,contrast and colors. And then he sat up in his chair beforeturning the volume up. The picture was now perfect and thedialogue came alive now that the sound was up nice and high. Markgot engrossed in the film and hardly noticed the time pass.Before long the evening was over, the movie had finished and itwas time to sleep.

    He crawled into bed and slept a deep sleep until 4 A.M. when he

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    awoke all of sudden with the answer to his question. He now knewwhy goal setting was not working for him. He had figured out whyhis communication skills did not seem to be getting better.

    The problem was not what he wanted but the way he was thinking

    about what he wanted. Just like the movie on TV the inner pictureof his goal needed some fine-tuning.

    He sat up in bed and thought about his goal to be a greatconversationalist. He got a fuzzy dark picture in his mind ofwhat it would be like to be that person. It was a black and whitepicture and he could barely make out the contents of the picture.

    Next, Mark checked the sounds; there was little if any sound. Hecould not hear the version of himself in the picture speaking.And there were no feelings associated with the picture.

    Mark decided to have some fun. He imagined the picture of himselfhaving achieved his goal of being a great conversationalist. Thenhe started to tune up the picture. He made it colorful and verybright. He imagined the picture as being much, much larger and hebrought it closer to him in his mind. Already he felt moreinspired and more motivated.

    Then he turned up the volume and played with the sounds until hecould hear himself speaking with authority, power and a pervasiveconfidence. After that, he introduced strong feelings. He createdfeelings of warmth, comfort and certainty.

    By the end of this process the picture, sound and feelings seemedso real that Mark felt as if he could almost reach out and touchthe new him. He knew his work was done.

    And now over to you!

    The way you represent your goals to yourself inside your head hasa massive impact on your ability to achieve your goals. If youfeel overwhelmed, depressed, hopeless or just stuck when youthink about your goals it is for one reason. The way you thinkabout your goals.

    If you have a goal that you really want and you are not takingaction to make it happen it is time to change the way yourepresent the goal to yourself.

    Until the goal seems almost real in your minds eye you have notgiven yourself a fighting chance of employing your mind to help

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    you attain the goal. Your unconscious mind will continuallysearch for solutions to help you if and only if you give it aprecise clear feeling picture of what you want.

    Would you watch a TV that has not been tuned in properly? Why

    not tune in your brain and let your whole mind work with you tobecome even more?

    Mismatching By The Pool

    Susan drove slowly in the afternoon traffic with the windowrolled down to let the humid summer air rush through her hair.

    The houses on the left and on the right all looked the same.Freshly painted, gleaming white in the sun and each one with aproud garden of neatly arranged lawns and flower beds. With

    sprinklers hidden from view the magic of piped water wasnowhere to be seen.

    Susan pulled into the driveway of number 15 and yanked on thehandbrake as she turned the engine off. She got out of the carand walked around to the back of the house where Kurt her youngerbrother was enjoying his new pool.

    Kurt had always been hard to get on with and he did not often getvisitors so he was pleased to see his sister had decided to callaround out of the blue. He just found most people never agreed

    with him so he preferred to spend most of his free time fixing upthe house.

    Susan and Kurt sipped ice tea and soaked in the cool water of thepool while talking about this and that. Then Susan started to spotthe language patterns that she had read about only yesterday.

    You see Kurt is a mismatcher, which means he tends to look for theopposing view in any discussion. If you see black, he looks forwhite. If you say up, he says down. And if you explain a conceptin terms of going inwards, Kurt is already thinking about theimplications of going outwards.

    And this is why people find Kurt so argumentative because itseems that he just disagrees with whatever you say to him. Susandecided to reveal to him that he is a mismatcher. When shementioned it, he disagreed immediately before going quite for afew minutes.

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    He realized that his sister was correct, he had never noticedthat he mismatched other people so much. In fact he reallythought he was being helpful by pointing out the existence of adifferent viewpoint.

    Then they decided to play a game. Susan would make a statementand then Kurt would respond by finding some way to agree withwhat she said. At first he found this game excruciating as hecould only find points of disagreement. However by late afternoonhe was starting to get the hang of it much to the surprise of hissister.

    Later that week Susan got a call from her mother who was worriedabout Kurt. She had just got off the phone with her son and forthe first time in years they had not argued.

    And now over to you!

    Talking to mismatchers can be hard work. However once yourecognize the pattern you have choices. If you want a mismatcherto consider a particular polarity just suggest that they favorits opposite. For example, recommend leaving early for a day tripif you want the mismatcher to actually consider a late start.

    If you tend to be a mismatcher yourself you may be getting out ofrapport with people when you do not mean to be. Play the exercisethat Susan and Kurt used above to develop the habit of findingagreement where you sometimes see no scope for common ground.

    And finally, if you must mismatch, pace before you mismatch. Forexample instead of just presenting your unique perspective youcould agree with the overall intent of the other person AND thenmake your point. e.g. If Susan says that driving with the windowdown feels great, Kurt could agree that it is nice to have a coolbreeze although air conditioning is even better especially whenthe air is humid.

    Lady Twilight dives deeper into approval

    She stood by the side of the pool and stared into the deep bluewater below. The sun sparkled back at her as she dived into thewater. At first it felt cold then cool and then refreshing andrevitalizing. She resurfaced for air, and laughed and giggledwith the sheer delight of playing in the water.

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    Her friends got ready to join her while Lady Twilight took a deepbreath and dived under. Deeper and deeper she went until shecould touch the bottom. She paused at the pool floor and felt herbody easing upwards until she let go and slowly made her way backto the surface.

    It had been a perfect day thought Lady Twilight to herself as shelay down to sleep later that evening. As her mind wandered shelooked ahead to tomorrow. She took a deep breath and wished shecould spend the day at the pool playing with her friends.

    She started to dream and this is what she dreamed of.

    The pool was even brighter and bigger than normal and an unusuallight blue color as she dived in and swam to the bottom. Shetouched the tiles on the floor as usual only this time a doorwayopened and she swam through into a chamber.

    In this chamber there was a small lake from which she surfacedinto a candlelit cave. At that moment she felt a hand on herleft shoulder. She turned to look into the kind eyes of Kuma thewise one. Without saying a word he passed on his ancient wisdomuntil Lady Twilight felt sleepy enough to close her eyes.

    She reopened her eyes to find Kuma was nowhere to be seen.Feeling happy and warm inside she stepped into the lake and swaminto its depths chasing the blue light in front of her. Beforelong she was sliding through the opening back into the swimmingpool.

    Feeling lighter and lighter she gently made her way higher andhigher to the surface. Her face broke through the water into theair and everything seemed different in the world.

    Lady Twilight awoke and she reviewed what Kuma had taught her.Here is what he said:

    We all want the same things at a deep level. We all want to beloved and appreciated by the important people in our lives butsometimes this desire for approval gets out of control and westart to crave this approval. We may even start to need thisacceptance from complete strangers.

    There is a better way. If you can take charge of your feelingsyou can let go of wanting approval. Very few people know thatwhen you dive into the core of your feelings you can let them goand free yourself from their bondage.

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    In the same way that you dive into a pool you can dive into thatfeeling of wanting approval.

    Take a moment to recall a recent situation when you wanted the

    approval of someone. Now allow yourself to feel that feelingagain, and imagine that you are diving into the feeling itself.

    Notice how this feels. And allow the feeling to expand and extendthroughout your body until it washes right over you. At thispoint ask yourself: could you let go of wanting approval?

    You will then feel the release, a sense of feeling lighter andfree, more at peace and more relaxed.

    And now over to you!

    Dive deeper and deeper into your feelings before you let them goand you will be amazed at the peace and serenity you will find atthe core of your being.

    Like many good things the more you play with this process theeasier and better it becomes. And as you let go of wantingapproval you will find yourself expressing your true personality,and so your communication with others will start to flow morenaturally.

    Is it time you went swimming with Kuma?