Made for Each Made for Each Other:Other:The Ultimate ComplementsThe Ultimate Complements

FreudFreud

Women envy menWomen envy men Women want male genitaliaWomen want male genitalia

– If not, male child to compensateIf not, male child to compensate Women are not content with being Women are not content with being

womenwomen

Karen HorneyKaren Horney

– Male narcissism is the only basis Male narcissism is the only basis for the assumption that half the for the assumption that half the human race (females) are human race (females) are discontented with the sex discontented with the sex assigned to it.assigned to it.

Alpha biasAlpha bias – tendency toward – tendency toward exaggeratingexaggerating differences differences between males and femalesbetween males and females

Beta biasBeta bias – inclination to – inclination to ignore or minimizeignore or minimize differences differences between males and femalesbetween males and females

Do we focus on Do we focus on Competition or Competition or Complements?Complements?

IntelligenceIntelligence

No differences between males and No differences between males and females on general level of females on general level of intelligenceintelligence

Higher gender non-conformity (those Higher gender non-conformity (those who step out of gender roles) is who step out of gender roles) is related to higher IQrelated to higher IQ– The higher the IQ, the more likely The higher the IQ, the more likely

individual will NOT conform to gender individual will NOT conform to gender rolesroles

2 Brains with Equally 2 Brains with Equally Intelligent BehaviorIntelligent Behavior

UC Irvine study has found significant UC Irvine study has found significant differences in brain areas where males differences in brain areas where males and females manifest their intelligenceand females manifest their intelligence

In general, men use approximately 6.5 In general, men use approximately 6.5 times the amount of gray matter related times the amount of gray matter related to general intelligence than women, and to general intelligence than women, and women use nearly 10 times the amount women use nearly 10 times the amount of white matter related to intelligence of white matter related to intelligence than menthan men

F

E

M

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L

E

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R

A

I

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NEED FOR NEED FOR COMMITMENT COMMITMENT HEMISPHEREHEMISPHERE

IRRATIONAL IRRATIONAL THOUGHTSTHOUGHTS

SENSE OF DIRECTION SENSE OF DIRECTION NUCLEINUCLEI

CHO

COLA

TE

CHO

COLA

TE

CENT

ERCE

NTER

SEX SEX PARTICLEPARTICLE

PHONE PHONE SKILLSSKILLS

ARGUE & ARGUE & DEBATE LOBEDEBATE LOBE

BOSSINESSBOSSINESS

INDECISIONINDECISIONSHOPPINGSHOPPING

JEALOUSYJEALOUSYICE CREAM ICE CREAM RECEPTORSRECEPTORS

M

A

L

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COMPUTER COMPUTER FIXATION LOBEFIXATION LOBE

INTERRUPTION LOBEINTERRUPTION LOBE

TVTV

SPORTSSPORTS

MATH MATH

STUFFSTUFF

SEXSEX

REMOTE REMOTE CONTROL CONTROL ADDICTION ADDICTION CENTERCENTER

LAME LAME EXCUSE EXCUSE GLANDGLAND

ABILITY

TO D

RIVE

ABILITY

TO D

RIVE

STICK S

HIFT

STICK S

HIFT

LISTENING LISTENING PARTICLEPARTICLE

COMMITMENT COMMITMENT MOLECULEMOLECULE ATTENTION SPAN ATTENTION SPAN

FRAGMENTFRAGMENT

PERSONAL PERSONAL HYGIENE ATOMHYGIENE ATOM

Some Performance Some Performance DifferencesDifferences

HEARINGHEARING

Females Females – have better high frequency have better high frequency

hearinghearing– less tolerant to loud soundsless tolerant to loud sounds– @ 85 decibels females report a @ 85 decibels females report a

sound twice as loud as males sound twice as loud as males (130 is pain)(130 is pain)

VISUAL PERCEPTIONVISUAL PERCEPTION

McGuiness & Symonds (1977)McGuiness & Symonds (1977)– Presented pairs of photos Presented pairs of photos

stereoscopicallystereoscopically– One was an object ; one was a personOne was an object ; one was a person

Males reported seeing more objectsMales reported seeing more objects Females reported seeing more peopleFemales reported seeing more people

jkjk

LEARNING & LEARNING & MEMORYMEMORY

Men are better at remembering Men are better at remembering how to get somewhere (external how to get somewhere (external world)*world)*

Women are better at remembering Women are better at remembering where things are in a given where things are in a given location (internal world)location (internal world)

"If Columbus could find "If Columbus could find America, I feel like I should be America, I feel like I should be able to find my niece's third-able to find my niece's third-birthday party."birthday party."

VERBAL VERBAL PERFORMANCEPERFORMANCE FEMALESFEMALES

– Better at anagrams, generating synonyms, Better at anagrams, generating synonyms, writingwriting

Girls talk earlier than boys, develop larger Girls talk earlier than boys, develop larger vocabularies,* better grammarvocabularies,* better grammar

MALESMALES– Better at analogiesBetter at analogies

Boys are 3-4x more likely to be stutterersBoys are 3-4x more likely to be stutterers Boys are 10x more likely to be dyslexicBoys are 10x more likely to be dyslexic

Meta-analysis of over 165 studies – no Meta-analysis of over 165 studies – no overall differencesoverall differences

Women use 8,000 to 9,000 words Women use 8,000 to 9,000 words a daya day

Men use 2,000 to 4,000 words a Men use 2,000 to 4,000 words a day on averageday on average

MATH MATH (Quantitative (Quantitative Performance)Performance) MalesMales

– Tendency to outperform females Tendency to outperform females (gap decreasing)(gap decreasing)

VISUAL SPATIALVISUAL SPATIAL MalesMales

– Do better on mental rotation* (visualizing Do better on mental rotation* (visualizing image from different angles)image from different angles)

With experience, females narrow the With experience, females narrow the gapgap

– More likely to use north/south/east/west More likely to use north/south/east/west when giving directionswhen giving directions

WomenWomen– More likely than men to notice if an object More likely than men to notice if an object

has been moved from its original location has been moved from its original location (spatial location memory)*(spatial location memory)*

– Better than men in finding lost objectsBetter than men in finding lost objects– More likely to use landmarks when giving More likely to use landmarks when giving

directionsdirections

Mental Rotation Task

Spatial Location Task

Spatial Location Task

Spatial Perception

Spatial Visualization

OVERALL …OVERALL …

Males and females perform Males and females perform better on tasks considered better on tasks considered gender-appropriate for their gender-appropriate for their sexsex

Some Social Some Social DifferencesDifferences

AGGRESSIONAGGRESSION

Stereotype: Males are more Stereotype: Males are more aggressive than femalesaggressive than females

Bandura (1973)Bandura (1973)– Boys and girls are equally aggressive Boys and girls are equally aggressive

when offered equal rewards for when offered equal rewards for aggressive behaviorsaggressive behaviors

– Equal rewards are not what usually Equal rewards are not what usually happens in the real worldhappens in the real world

MALESMALES

Males – more overt aggression – aggress Males – more overt aggression – aggress or threaten physicallyor threaten physically

More spontaneously aggressiveMore spontaneously aggressive Boys approve of more aggression and Boys approve of more aggression and

expect more rewards and fewer expect more rewards and fewer punishments for aggressionpunishments for aggression

Males are taught they have Males are taught they have the rightthe right to to aggress to get their wayaggress to get their way

Men describe aggression as a means of Men describe aggression as a means of control over anothercontrol over another

FEMALESFEMALES

Females engage in more relational Females engage in more relational aggression – hurt by damaging person’s aggression – hurt by damaging person’s relationshipsrelationships

Express less aggression overallExpress less aggression overall Have more anxiety about aggressive Have more anxiety about aggressive

feelingsfeelings Describe aggression as a loss of self Describe aggression as a loss of self

controlcontrol More likely to feel their aggression is More likely to feel their aggression is

justified (pushed beyond limits of justified (pushed beyond limits of endurance) - aggress after being endurance) - aggress after being provokedprovoked

INFLUENCEABILITYINFLUENCEABILITY

WOMENWOMEN Women’s opinions tend to remain Women’s opinions tend to remain

unchanged when confronted within a group unchanged when confronted within a group Women influence other women more than Women influence other women more than

menmen The less social action, the less women are The less social action, the less women are

persuadedpersuaded

MENMEN Men’s opinions change in the direction of Men’s opinions change in the direction of

greater nonconformity when confronted greater nonconformity when confronted within a groupwithin a group

Men resist or reject influence by women, Men resist or reject influence by women, particularly if the women are direct & particularly if the women are direct & competentcompetent

DOMINANCEDOMINANCE

Imposing one’s will on others and Imposing one’s will on others and control of otherscontrol of others

FEMALESFEMALES Slightly more likely to become social Slightly more likely to become social

leadersleaders

MALESMALES Score higher on personality Score higher on personality

measures of dominancemeasures of dominance

Mixed sex groups:Mixed sex groups:– Men talk more than women (dominate conversation Men talk more than women (dominate conversation

more)more)– Interrupt or ignore women moreInterrupt or ignore women more– Fail to pick up on conversational topics raised by femalesFail to pick up on conversational topics raised by females– Male takes lead no matter who scored high on Male takes lead no matter who scored high on

dominance testsdominance tests

Same-sex groupsSame-sex groups– Men show no more tendency to dominate conversation Men show no more tendency to dominate conversation

than women dothan women do– More likely to emerge as leaders in groups without a More likely to emerge as leaders in groups without a

leaderleader– High dominance partner takes leadHigh dominance partner takes lead

NURTURANCENURTURANCE

Women score higher than men on Women score higher than men on nurturance measuresnurturance measures

Sexes do not differ in their Sexes do not differ in their physiological responses to a baby’s physiological responses to a baby’s cries but women report being more cries but women report being more bothered by the criesbothered by the cries

Men and women equally good at Men and women equally good at discriminating among different kinds discriminating among different kinds of criesof cries

EMPATHYEMPATHY

““I tend to get emotionally involved with a I tend to get emotionally involved with a friend’s problems” – females score much friend’s problems” – females score much higher on this measure of empathyhigher on this measure of empathy

No differences of physiological response No differences of physiological response to another person’s distress to others’ to another person’s distress to others’ feelingsfeelings

FEMALESFEMALES Somewhat better than males in Somewhat better than males in

interpreting the meaning of audio cues interpreting the meaning of audio cues and visual cuesand visual cues

ALTRUISMALTRUISM

MENMEN More likely to help in dangerous situations More likely to help in dangerous situations

or in the presence of an audienceor in the presence of an audience More likely to help in gender appropriate More likely to help in gender appropriate

situationsituation

WOMENWOMEN More likely to help in gender appropriate More likely to help in gender appropriate

situationssituations– ElderlyElderly– With childrenWith children

Best friends are almost always the same sex

BOYS GIRLSLarger groups Smaller groups Less intimacy Fewer, more intimate

relationshipsEmbark on exploration Explore interpersonal of world concerns

As Children…As Children…

Boys at PlayBoys at Play

Boys tend to play outside, in large Boys tend to play outside, in large groups that are hierarchically groups that are hierarchically structuredstructured– A leader who tells others what to doA leader who tells others what to do– Giving orders negotiates high statusGiving orders negotiates high status– Games have winners and losersGames have winners and losers– Games have elaborate rules, often Games have elaborate rules, often

challengedchallenged– Boast of their skillsBoast of their skills– Argue about who is best at whatArgue about who is best at what

Girls at PlayGirls at Play

Girls play in small groups or pairsGirls play in small groups or pairs– Center of her social life – her best Center of her social life – her best

friendfriend– Intimacy is key in the groupIntimacy is key in the group– Games – everyone gets a turnGames – everyone gets a turn– Most activities do not have winners Most activities do not have winners

and losersand losers– Less likely to order; more likely to Less likely to order; more likely to

suggestsuggest

Interactions in Social Interactions in Social GroupsGroups

BOYS GIRLSInterrupt Allow others to speakCommand Acknowledge

valid Threaten points by others BoastRefuse to comply

Adulthood: Adulthood: FriendshipFriendshipFemalesFemales Share feelings and problemsShare feelings and problems Women disclose more about themselves than men Women disclose more about themselves than men

& more likely to be recipients of self-disclosure & more likely to be recipients of self-disclosure than menthan men

Lesbian and heterosexual females self-disclose Lesbian and heterosexual females self-disclose about the sameabout the same

MalesMales More activity sharingMore activity sharing Talk about business, sports, politicsTalk about business, sports, politics More likely to reveal strengths, hide weaknesses More likely to reveal strengths, hide weaknesses Gay men self-disclose more than heterosexual menGay men self-disclose more than heterosexual men

Both sexes define a friend as someone you can talk Both sexes define a friend as someone you can talk to about anythingto about anything

STRATEGIES OF INFLUENCESTRATEGIES OF INFLUENCEResearcher: Paula JohnsonResearcher: Paula Johnson

INDIRECTINDIRECT– Covert, manipulative, keeping other unawareCovert, manipulative, keeping other unaware– Let her/him think it was her/his ideaLet her/him think it was her/his idea– What happens when men use this strategy?What happens when men use this strategy?

DIRECTDIRECT– Uses orders, direct requests, power is openUses orders, direct requests, power is open– What happens when women use this What happens when women use this

strategy?strategy?

Intimacy and Intimacy and IndependenceIndependence She seeks intimacyShe seeks intimacy

– Discuss things with meDiscuss things with me– Seeking Connection: we are similarSeeking Connection: we are similar

He seeks independenceHe seeks independence– I can decide on my ownI can decide on my own– Seeking Status: we are differentSeeking Status: we are different

We are in a hierarchy of power We are in a hierarchy of power and statusand status

I have a problem…I have a problem…

He wants to fix itHe wants to fix it– Makes him smarter, more Makes him smarter, more

competentcompetent– Less comfortable receiving helpLess comfortable receiving help

She wants to talk about itShe wants to talk about it– Wants to reinforce Wants to reinforce

connection/similarity to othersconnection/similarity to others– More comfortable receiving helpMore comfortable receiving help

How do I nurture and How do I nurture and enhance my enhance my relationship?relationship?

Emotional Intimacy & Emotional Intimacy & AffectionAffection Trust and closenessTrust and closeness

I’ll be there for you every dayI’ll be there for you every day I’ll be there for you whatever I’ll be there for you whatever

happenshappens I am proud of youI am proud of you I will not intentionally hurt youI will not intentionally hurt you I am happy you are my partnerI am happy you are my partner

Hugs and kisses Hugs and kisses Tell her you love her every dayTell her you love her every day Call her during the dayCall her during the day Shop for a womanShop for a woman Help with the dishesHelp with the dishes

Showing Her AffectionShowing Her Affection

Showing Him AffectionShowing Him Affection

Hugs and kissesHugs and kisses Expressing appreciation for his role as Expressing appreciation for his role as

providerprovider Expressing appreciation for the time he Expressing appreciation for the time he

gives you and the childrengives you and the children Make time to be with him/do things Make time to be with him/do things

togethertogether Compliment him to othersCompliment him to others Give him your attentionGive him your attention How do I show my partner affection?How do I show my partner affection?

ConversationConversation

Develop interest in each other’s Develop interest in each other’s interestsinterests

Give each other time to talkGive each other time to talk Inform each other of your Inform each other of your

activities, needsactivities, needs Give each other undivided Give each other undivided

attentionattention How much time do we share in How much time do we share in

conversation each day?conversation each day?

Having Fun TogetherHaving Fun Together

Develop and expand on mutual Develop and expand on mutual interestsinterests

Try something newTry something new Engage in activities that you both Engage in activities that you both

enjoyenjoy How much time do you spend with How much time do you spend with

your spouse engaging in your spouse engaging in recreational fun you both enjoy?recreational fun you both enjoy?

FinancesFinances

Generally, the family should be Generally, the family should be living on one income; if the other living on one income; if the other partner works, that money should partner works, that money should not go to basic living expensesnot go to basic living expenses

Make a budgetMake a budget Cut down on expensesCut down on expenses Have we realistically assessed our Have we realistically assessed our

expenses?expenses?

Domestic Domestic ResponsibilitiesResponsibilities Negotiate who will do whatNegotiate who will do what What affects your willingness to What affects your willingness to

help your partner with domestic help your partner with domestic responsibilities?responsibilities?

Family CommitmentFamily Commitment

Meals togetherMeals together Walks, bike ridesWalks, bike rides Family councilsFamily councils Board gamesBoard games Sports eventsSports events Reading togetherReading together Family service or work projectsFamily service or work projects

AdmirationAdmiration

Appreciate your partner for who Appreciate your partner for who she or he is she or he is right nowright now

Remember the Source Remember the Source of Your Loveof Your Love Pray togetherPray together Pray alonePray alone Read your scripturesRead your scriptures Do your best to live in Do your best to live in

harmony with the Spiritharmony with the Spirit Exercise faithExercise faith

All human beings—male and All human beings—male and female– are created in the image female– are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, parents, and, as such, each has a each has a divine nature and destinydivine nature and destiny. Gender . Gender is an essential characteristic of is an essential characteristic of individual pre-mortal, mortal, and individual pre-mortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.eternal identity and purpose.

“We live in a day when there are many political, legal, and social pressures for changes that confuse gender and homogenize the differences between men and women. Our eternal perspective sets us against changes that alter those separate duties and privileges of men and women that are essential to accomplish the great plan of happiness.”

Elder Dallin H. Oaks