a poem

Looking for Jess

I have lookedIn dresser drawers

In closetsIn hidden compartments

Of lintelsIn the sideways glance

Of mirrorsOr the creak of old stairs

In search of you

I have walked in and out ofSo many roomsSome emptyOthers filled

With dreams that are not mine

I have stood under a blackUmbrella in the falling rainTracing my desire for you.

I have read dusty books in longing for you,

Sitting on porchesOr stoops I have tried To make out

Your face in the shapes of clouds

I have sent post to random addressesThat I would steal from pay phonePhone books.

Write you long letters about quotidian days and the frustration of burnt toast

Hoping to find you.

I have lain on the dark sideOf lover’s sighs

In dark women’s bedsLooking for you;

Disappointed because they were not you.

So I stopped.

While waiting in a line for an empty train in the rain.

And built a fire in the midstOf my longing.

Studied the long migrationOf birds and the theories

Of chance.

Learned how to close my eyes And to dance

Instead of trembleTo the music that came from the wound in my side.

Learned to walk light hearted Among the dead, Those wantingSo desperately To send love letters

To anyone

Who would read them .

Surrendering myself to the orbits ofPortentous starsand to Wonder.

And wondering,

Is it you?

Jessica Singer

for