lives together, worlds apart?

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Lives Together, Worlds Apart?Manijeh Daneshpour PhD, LMFT, AAMFT ApprovedSupervisor aa The Marriage and Family Therapy Program , St.Cloud State University , USAPublished online: 25 Sep 2008.

To cite this article: Manijeh Daneshpour PhD, LMFT, AAMFT Approved Supervisor(2003) Lives Together, Worlds Apart?, Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy:Innovations in Clinical and Educational Interventions, 2:2-3, 57-71, DOI: 10.1300/J398v02n02_05

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Lives Together, Worlds Apart?The Lives of Multicultural Muslim Couples

Manijeh Daneshpour

SUMMARY. The lives of multicultural Muslim couples is the focus ofthis paper. It is based on interviews with couples in which the husband isa Muslim of Middle Eastern descent with a wife of European-Americanor Asian-American descent. These women converted to Islam before orafter marriage, or have remained Christian. The opportunities, strengthsand challenges in such relationships are discussed, including issues thatemerge connected to family, community, and society. In addition, cur-rent multicultural therapy competencies are reviewed and approaches,interventions, and strategies that may be useful in the treatment of multi-cultural Muslim couples are presented. [Article copies available for a feefrom The Haworth Document Delivery Service: 1-800-HAWORTH. E-mail address:<[email protected]> Website: <http://www.HaworthPress.com> © 2003by The Haworth Press, Inc. All rights reserved.]

KEYWORDS. Multicultural Muslim couples, multicultural therapy,treatment issues with Muslim couples, Muslim-Christian couples rela-tionships

Manijeh Daneshpour, PhD, LMFT, AAMFT Approved Supervisor, is Director ofthe Marriage and Family Therapy Program, St. Cloud State University.

[Haworth co-indexing entry note]: “Lives Together, Worlds Apart? The Lives of Multicultural MuslimCouples.” Daneshpour, Manijeh. Co-published simultaneously in Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy(The Haworth Press, Inc.) Vol. 2, No. 2/3, 2003, pp. 57-71; and: Clinical Issues with Interracial Couples: The-ories and Research (ed: Volker Thomas, Terri A. Karis, and Joseph L. Wetchler) The Haworth Press, Inc., 2003,pp. 57-71. Single or multiple copies of this article are available for a fee from The Haworth Document Deliv-ery Service [1-800-HAWORTH, 9:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m. (EST). E-mail address: [email protected]].

2003 by The Haworth Press, Inc. All rights reserved.http://www.haworthpress.com/store/product.asp?sku=J398

10.1300/J398v02n02_05 57

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And among His Signs is that He created for you mates from amongyourselves that you may live in tranquility with them and He has putlove and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are signs forthose who reflect. (Qur’an 30:21)

Reasonable estimates of the Muslim presence in the U.S. now go ashigh as seven million (Khan Shamim, 2000). While a large percentageof this number represents immigrants to America from the Middle East,Africa and Europe, the number of converts also appears to be growing.This chapter is focused on multicultural Muslim couples. It is based oninterviews with couples in which the husband is a Muslim of MiddleEastern descent with a wife of European-American or Asian-Americandescent. These women converted to Islam before or after marriage, orhave remained Christian. Although there are no data available abouthow many American converts marry people of Middle Eastern descent,there is a growing number of such relationships, which creates numer-ous opportunities as well as challenges for these couples.

In this article, the opportunities, strengths and challenges in such re-lationships will be discussed, including issues that emerge connected tofamily, community, and society. In addition, current multicultural ther-apy competencies will be reviewed and approaches, interventions, andstrategies that may be useful in the treatment of multicultural Muslimcouples will be presented.

METHODOLOGY

This was a comprehensive qualitative investigation of the lives of tenmulticultural Muslim couples between the ages of thirty-two and fifty-sixwho had been married from ten to twenty-two years. The participantswere asked if they would participate in this study and were offered abrief, one-page description of the purpose of the study. They were in-formed of what they would get out of participating in the study, whowould see the results, where they could obtain more information aboutthe study, and how long it would take to complete the interview. Eightcouples live in Minnesota; one couple lives in Oregon and the otherlives in California. The eight couples that live in Minnesota were inter-viewed at their homes. The interviews were audio taped and all partici-pants signed a consent form. The two couples that were not in Minnesotawere interviewed over the phone using speakerphone and with theirwritten consent; the interviews were audio taped as well.

58 CLINICAL ISSUES WITH INTERRACIAL COUPLES

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In this sample the husbands were from Middle Eastern countries in-cluding Iran, Iraq, Jordan, and Palestine, which are racially consideredto be what is referred to as “White,” but is technically of Arian decent.Eight of the wives interviewed were European American, and two wereAsian American. The interview questions explored aspects of the cou-ples’ lives, including their nuclear family background, dating history,courtship experiences, wedding, social life, public life, living and com-munity environment, parenting and child-rearing experiences, educa-tion and employment experiences, values, religious differences, andareas of stress and disagreement. The final section of the interview ex-plored issues regarding marital adjustment, communication, and deci-sion-making. Couples also responded to questions regarding experienceswith therapists and their expectations of the therapy profession. Alltapes were transcribed after each interview to compare and contrastcouples’ responses to different questions in order to develop some gen-eral themes and patterns.

The sample consisted largely of couples that were highly educated,and professionally employed, with middle class backgrounds. Hence,although the findings are not easily generalizable to all interracial cou-ples, they suggest some patterns and themes that have appeared signifi-cant.

It is important to keep in mind that indeed I am from Iran, teachmulticultural therapy courses, and have done extensive research withthe Iranian population and thus can be considered to be familiar withMiddle Eastern culture. Therefore, the conclusion can be drawn that mybackground might have created some biases in understanding the chal-lenges and opportunities these couples have faced. Nevertheless, as apostmodernist, I do not believe in an objective reality, and furthermore,this article is simply based on my interpretation and understanding ofthe lives of these couples.

MULTICULTURAL MUSLIM COUPLES’ SIMILARITIESWITH OTHER COUPLES

The lives of all these couples are very similar to the lives of same-race/cul-ture/ethnicity couples, as depicted in popular and contemporary mediaand literature. These couples describe their attractions to each other inways parallel to partners of the same religion/race/ethnic background.They indicate mutual interests, values and beliefs, ease in being in eachother’s company, and physical attractiveness toward each other.

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One of the couples interviewed consisted of an Iranian husband and awife from the Asian country of the Philippines. She has never convertedto Islam and to this day is a practicing Catholic. They reported sharingmany common values and beliefs. The most common shared values forthis couple were respect, honesty, trust, faithfulness, appreciation of di-versity, family (including family of origin), and religion or spirituality.Expanding on this concept, the couple discussed the fact that their mu-tual values seemed to attract them to each other and at times it evenseemed they had grown up in the same family, been taught the samethings and had been raised in an almost identical manner. They attrib-uted their marital success to the shared values they held between eachother.

Two European-American women discussed how their tendency toshare the same values and beliefs with their husbands of Middle Easterndescent reduced the level of potential conflict between them. The cou-ples mutually felt that their shared values were particularly helpfulwhen it came to maintaining consistency in their roles as partners andparents.

The areas of greatest stress or tension for all the couples, regardlessof ethnic or racial background, tend to be very similar. Such examples ofstress and tension usually consist of finances, juggling roles and respon-sibilities, parenting, communication related to dynamics of the relation-ship, and decision-making issues (Wehrly et al., 1999). The couples inthis study tended to report similar stressors and tensions. In their re-sponse to questions concerning the impact of their racial, religion orethnic differences, they tended to point out the existence of greater hur-dles to overcome than their lack of racial or ethnic similarities.

MULTICULTURAL MUSLIM COUPLES’ CHALLENGES

Even though multicultural Muslim couples tend to have many rela-tionship strengths and stressors that are similar to couples that do nothave such racial or ethnic differences, they nevertheless do face otherunique challenges due to these minor but important differences. De-pending on the length of time spent in this country, as well as the levelof acculturation and assimilation, the cultural values and worldviews ofMiddle Easterners and Americans may present dramatic differences,and as a result may have an impact on the dynamics of the marriage. Forimmigrants and first-generation Middle Easterners, conflicts and differ-ences related to communication patterns, language, gender roles, reli-


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gious practices, parenting styles, customs, and foods were manifestationsof profound cultural values and worldview differences. For the couplesin this study, many of these issues related to cultural differences andconflicts were more prevalent in the early years of the couple’s relation-ship, which will be discussed in the following sections.

Religious Compatibility

All couples talked about the importance of the religious aspects oftheir lives. Men whose wives converted to Islam agreed that indeed itwas better to introduce their wives to Islam and encourage them to be-come Muslim prior to the marriage, but it seemed that women had somedifficulty understanding this idea. Middle Eastern men struggled topoint out their reasoning and simply explained that in enlightening theirsoon-to-be-wives of the views, practices and strong beliefs of Islamprior to being married, it would simply make it easier for the wives tohave a better understanding of the religious background they hold andwould in the future like for their wives to hold as well. European-Amer-ican women struggled with their lack of understanding of the religion,and their partners’ insistence got them even more confused. However,the same individuals admitted that Islam was very easy for them to ac-cept within the passing of time in the actual marriage, whereas prior tothe event such a conversion seemed near to impossible. Two others feltthat their relationships were stable and lasting even without the conver-sion to Islam.

However, regardless of the timing of the conversion, whether beforeor after the marriage or not at all, all couples acknowledged that theyhad many conflicts and misunderstandings regarding their individualreligious values at the beginning of their marriage even though flexibil-ity, understanding, and tolerance for different perspectives played animportant if not crucial role in the stability of their current relationship.

Community and Social Issues

Several couples struggled with differences regarding cultural and re-ligious customs, particularly at social gatherings. At the beginning oftheir relationships, partners had problems understanding exactly whatwas to be expected of them and deciding how it was they were to dealwith such a dilemma.

Given the fact that a non-Muslim is not bounded by Islamic valuesregarding dress code, mixed gender parties, consuming alcohol and eat-


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ing non-halaal foods,1 some non-Muslim women voluntarily chose tofollow these customs in an effort to sustain a pleasant family life or sim-ply as a goodwill gesture to walk the extra mile for their Muslim part-ners. For others, these issues became the major source of struggle.

Several Middle Eastern husbands in this study pointed out that bygetting married to a non-Muslim woman, they knew that expecting theirnon-Muslim wives to behave in an Islamic fashion was not a sound ex-pectation. They also knew that as a couple they would be invited to cer-tain parties and dinners where it would not be unlikely for all non-halaalitems to be served and even though he may not wish to consume suchitems, his wife could very well have wishes different to his. Therefore,both the husband and wife expressed the difficulty in the early years oftheir marriage in dealing with such problems due to the lack of under-standing of what is expected of the other party.

Non-Muslim Celebrations

Some couples discussed the struggle in celebrating holidays, birthsand other such occasions with family and friends. In the occasion ofbirths, problems were commonly raised among the Christian grandpar-ents regarding the baptizing of the child, a very important aspect in theChristian religion yet not at all acknowledged in the Islamic faith. Simi-lar differences arose on such Christian holidays as Easter and Christmasin which great feasts are held and presents are distributed, which areagain not an acknowledged aspect in the Islamic faith. In this study, alleight couples whose wives converted to Islam struggled with these is-sues. Women described that unless they made sure that their side offamily understands their husband’s reservations about such celebrations,the situation got very tense at such a joyful occasion and left bitter mem-ories.

Along the same line, family of origin problems can also arise forwomen who have converted to Islam. A European-American womanwith an Arab husband talked about how she–now a Muslim–had prob-lems and conflict related to cultural values and worldview differencesconcerning celebrating Christian holidays both with her husband andher own family. This couple’s cultural and religious differences re-sulted in both lack of support and acceptance from her family, whichmade the initial phases of their relationship difficult, if not a real chal-lenge. When the family began to see their daughter’s continual conflictbetween her commitment to the relationship and her commitment tothem, and her American family of origin culture, her family began to re-


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lax and understood the situation from what can be referred to as a differ-ent perspective. However, numerous concessions were made by all andinvolved the wife’s willingness to respect, learn more about, and adaptto Arab and Islamic culture, making it possible for the couple to come toa level of understanding and compromise. And in return the husbandparticipated in more gatherings when alcoholic beverages were notserved and went to visit the wife’s family on days that were not a Chris-tian holiday, which resulted in the absence of the extended family.

Hugging and kissing cheeks of male and female friends across gen-der is another practice which is not permissible in Islam. Several cou-ples talked about the confusion and anger at the beginning of theirrelationship regarding these issues. One European-American womantalked about how all of the sudden everything she was doing was con-sidered wrong and it took her several years before understanding the re-ligious reasoning behind it.

These differences that exist between Middle Easterners, Asians andEuropean-American cultures are legitimate and may be of valid con-cern, but these couples appeared willing and able to rise above the dif-ferences even though they struggled a great deal during the first fewyears of their marriage. The willingness of one or both partners to re-spect and learn about the others’ cultural backgrounds, including ritu-als, customs, and traditions, seemed to have far-reaching implicationsin the relationship between the partners and in the relationship bothhave with the families of origin, in-laws, friends, and associates.

Friendship Circles

Converting to Islam for these European-American and Asian-Ameri-can women also had an impact on their friendships. Several couples, es-pecially European-American women, discussed the difficulty they hadwith support of their non-Muslim friends at the beginning of their rela-tionship. Some talked about friends wanting to go out and due to thepossibility of drinking involved, they could not participate. Some talkedabout feeling different and not having much in common with friendsanymore. Many talked about breaking ties with good friends due to ide-ology differences and began becoming friends with couples like them-selves who were isolated from their own family and friends afterconverting to Islam.

Acceptable Dress

Islam prescribes dress codes for both men and women. Today, notmany Muslim men and women, living in secular Muslim countries or


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the West, follow the dress code perfectly. However, most Muslim womenstill do not normally wear sleeveless shirts, shorts, bikinis or other suchrevealing articles of clothing. A practicing Muslim man who is faithfulto the ideology of the Islamic faith will inevitably prefer his wife andchildren to be dressed in a proper, that is, a non-revealing manner. If thewife is non-Muslim she is under no obligation to follow a strict Islamicdress code, or in that case a dress code at all. Nevertheless, she maychoose to dress in a proper manner to please her husband, to avoid of-fending him, and to furthermore prevent the attraction of other men toher feminine beauty.

The European-American women in this study talked about the diffi-culty they initially had understanding the reasoning behind the dresscode. After having decided to become a Muslim, however, they ac-cepted the dress code. Almost every European-American woman dis-cussed their family’s resistance and furthermore misunderstandingabout the Islamic dress code. Families tended to mistakenly view thestruggle for modesty of the women to be rather a sign of their oppres-sion. Some women admitted that they had given up trying to explaintheir views to their families while others claimed that their families hadcome around and furthermore defended the Islamic dress code in frontof other non-Muslims, when spoken ill of.

Issues of Parenting and Child Rearing

Multiracial couples usually insist that their children have an identitybased on the collective background of both parents (Brandell, 1988;McRoy & Freeman, 1986; Wardle, 1987). In this sample the two multifaithcouples indicated that they believed in raising their children to embraceand celebrate the Middle Eastern and American cultures collectivelyand equally, thus exposing their children to the values, roles, norms, at-titudes, behaviors, and even the languages of both cultures.

However, child rearing and parenting are the most important andcomplicated issues multicultural Muslim couples face, with the majorconcern being how to help their children practice their Islamic faith inthis society, that for the most part, tends to stereotype and furthermoremisunderstand the Islamic faith. In Islamic cultures, even those withsecular governments such as Pakistan, Egypt, Bangladesh, Turkey, andIndonesia, the entire social environment supports learning and under-standing Islam. Although cultural practices might deviate from the truemeaning of Islam, nevertheless, children learn Islam in bits and piecesat home, school, through radio, TV and through their participation in Is-


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lamic groups. Grandparents and other relatives also play a role to helpparents teach Islamic values to their children. In the West, parents arefaced with a totally different environment. In most cases, they have tobe the only “bridge” between Islam and their children. Several couplesdiscussed their frustration with teaching Islamic principles. Due to thefact that the husbands’ families live in the Middle East and the wives arenot very familiar with the Islamic values and principles, husbands feltoverwhelmed serving as the only connection to the Islamic faith fortheir whole family, which created even more frustration for the non-Mus-lim wife. Several European-American women said that after discussingdifferent issues with other Muslim couples, they realized that their hus-bands’ interpretations of what is Islamic and what is not is a mixture offamily of origins’ values and also cultures and traditions which mightbe very different for other Middle Eastern cultures.

The majority of the couples I interviewed spoke of wanting their chil-dren to have a sense of and appreciation for their Middle Eastern cul-tural backgrounds and heritages, since they are already exposed heavilyto U.S. culture. Several couples gave examples of how, beginning veryearly in their children’s lives, they attempted to introduce them to thevarious aspects of their Middle Eastern cultural backgrounds, based ontheir Islamic faith. Couples stated that it is very challenging to raisechildren with Islamic values (i.e., no dating, no drinking, no dancing orlistening to music, etc.) while they are exposed to U.S. cultures, whichfor the most part contradict almost all of these values. Parents empha-sized the importance of talking with their children about issues of iden-tity: providing identity-bolstering seminars, books, and films, and pro-viding instructions for their children about what to say and how to re-spond in situations in which they are faced with making difficultchoices. In addition, parents spoke of the significance of strong adultrole models for their children, and of support from extended family,friends, and good connections to a strong Muslim community. Theycited the necessity of their children’s learning to speak Arabic or Per-sian and enjoying customary foods. According to these couples, MiddleEastern “culture” has special importance for them and their children,due to its connection to their Islamic faith. However, they indicated thatthe decision to introduce their children to Middle Eastern culture camelater, after wives had converted to Islam, and even then most couples in-dicated that raising children was the most challenging part of their rela-tionship.

Several European-American women remembered that in the earlyyears of child-rearing it had been frustrating not knowing what was “Is-


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lamic” and what was “cultural” when they had to implement rules fortheir children. One European-American woman believed that her hus-band demanding to be the absolute authority figure in the family was anIslamic rule, and she needed to teach her children absolute obedience.However, later on, she realized that her husband’s father was a powerfulman, and therefore her husband continued that pattern, and his behaviorhad nothing to do with the Islamic faith. Therefore, there was a signifi-cant struggle in understanding that religion, culture, and upbringing areeach separate categories and can easily become blended, and thereforedement the true beliefs of what they know as their “Islamic faith.”

Gender and Power

This was a very controversial and difficult topic to discuss with thecouples in which the wife had converted to Islam. All wives in thisstudy indicated that prior to meeting their husbands their perception ofthe Middle Eastern cultures in general were very different. They be-lieved that these cultures are patriarchal and not very inclusive towomen in public life. However, many years later, they realized thatwhen dealing with the Islamic perspective of any topic, there should bea clear distinction between the normative teachings of Islam and the di-verse cultural practices among Muslims, which may or may not be con-sistent with the Islamic principles.

For example, three women that were married to Iranians discussedthe issues of power and gender differently as opposed to European-American women who were married to Arabs even though the teach-ings of the Islamic faith are supposed to be the same. Nevertheless, allcouples interviewed emphasized that if they would have married some-one from their own cultures the issues of gender and power would havebeen very different. Specifically, Arab men discussed their cultural ex-pectation to be the provider and the protector of the family and seeingtheir wives working and making significant contributions to their mar-ried lives were challenging for them. On the other hand, they expectedtheir wives to take more power in family decision-making, but theirwives preferred their involvement in family affairs and joint decision-making.

It was also evident that they used or misused their Islamic faith togain more power, which was challenged by their wives once they be-came more knowledgeable about the true teaching of the religion. OneEuropean-American woman talked about how at the beginning, she per-ceived her husband to be a very good Muslim and therefore superior inmany different aspects of morality and later on, once she read books and


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attended religious gatherings, she realized that she herself had actuallybecome a better Muslim!

Nevertheless, in this sample, male power existed more so at the be-ginning of their relationship than later, but women often eventually un-derstood that the power role of their husbands has not been Islamiclyvalidated, but rather an adaptation of their father’s or forefather’s de-mented belief of male roles in Islam, and the interpretation varies fromone culture to another.

APPROACHES, INTERVENTIONS, AND STRATEGIESFOR THERAPY WITH MULTICULTURAL MUSLIM COUPLES

The mental health field has only recently begun to address the issuesand concerns of the multicultural population (Wehrly et al., 1999).Mental health professionals have had limited experience working withmulticultural couples and have often relied on dated literature that de-picts interracial/interfaith relationships as being fraught with pathologyand doomed to failure. Some multicultural couples in this study re-ported working with professionals who made judgments about their re-lationship problems based on the partners’ cultural and religion differ-ences. These judgments were based on the assumption that racial, reli-gion, or cultural background differences always result in relationaldifficulties. McGoldrock, Giordano, and Pearce (1996) suggest that thegreater the cultural differences between spouses, the more problemsthey have adjusting to marriage. This was true for two couples in thisstudy, but we need to urge mental health professionals to be carefulabout making this assumption without a thorough assessment of eachcouple.

It is also absolutely essential that therapists who work with multicul-tural Muslim couples examine and explore their own attitudes and be-liefs about these relationships. Myths and stereotypes continue to cloudsocietal images of individuals who marry persons of another culture/re-ligion. The therapist’s awareness of his or her own attitudes and beliefsis a foundation for doing competent and effective therapy with multi-cultural couples (Solsberry, 1994). It is crucial that therapists are notonly aware of their personal biases, but that they also recognize the neg-ative effects that such biases can have on the therapy process (McRoy &Freeman, 1986). One couple talked about how they felt judged when thetherapist assumed their marital problems are solely related to their reli-


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gion and did not validate their other more important relationship con-cerns.

Myths and stereotypes about multicultural marriage also have the po-tential to have a negative impact on the multicultural couple’s relation-ship. These myths and stereotypes are often at the root of the oppositionthat these couples experience as rejection and alienation from familyand friends. One couple talked about their frustration with the therapistbecause she was not able to validate their sense of alienation, and itseemed to them that she was siding with people who reject and alienatethem. Davidson (1992) suggests that therapists be critically aware ofthese theories and myths, recognizing their inherent racial/cultural bi-ases and guarding against their influence in the therapy process. Cou-ples may enter therapy in an attempt to discuss and understand theobjections to their relationship (Wehrly, 1996). The therapist must beable to empathize with the couple and validate feelings that the partnersmay be experiencing. It may also be necessary to refocus the couple’sattention on to the strengths of the relationship. A major strength that isoften overlooked or minimized is the ability of couples to transcend orappreciate their vast differences. Further, the therapist should assist thecouple in recognizing and drawing on the strength of the relationship toempower the couple to resist stereotypes and grapple with family is-sues.

Several couples talked about their families’ opposition that this mar-riage is for ulterior motives (i.e., staying in the U.S., obtaining legal sta-tus or residency). It is certainly possible that a person has married aEuropean-American for ulterior motives and in doing so is fulfillingstereotypes and myths. If, in the context of the therapy process, this isrevealed, it should be explored, and the therapist should assist the cou-ple in identifying and clarifying the partners’ reasons for being together.Attempts should be made to help the couple determine if, because oflove or other positive factors, the relationship has a viable chance ofsurvival (Davidson, 1992; Okun, 1996).

Davidson (1992) suggests that in some cases a clinical professionalmay work with the couple and family members (if they are still around)to discuss different issues related to multicultural marriage. Familymembers may be invited to examine whether their accusations about ul-terior motives expose their prejudice rather than indicating weakness inthe couples’ decision to marry. In general, all couples in this study be-lieved that multicultural couples’ marriages still present concern formembers of this society, especially multicultural Muslim marriages. Inworking with couples and their families, it is important for therapists to


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help them become aware that in accepting the relationship, they may bemaking different and also very difficult choices. This may carry somehigh demands (Davidson, 1992), including that of role modeling what itmeans to live harmoniously in a multicultural society.

According to Solsberry (1994), a therapist who works with a client ofthe same race, who is interracially married, may assume that there areno racial or cultural differences between the therapist and the client. Themulticultural marriage, however, generally places the client in a posi-tion that is currently different from that of the therapist. As indicated bySue, Arrendondo, and McDavis (1992), the culturally skilled therapisthas knowledge and understanding of the life expectancies, cultural heri-tages, and historical backgrounds of culturally different clients. How-ever, the influences of being married to a person of a different race,religion, and culture positions a client who is of the same background asthe therapist to potentially have a very different cultural experience andworldview than the therapist. For multicultural Muslim couples thetherapist might feel more connected to the European-American partnerand assumes that she understands her issues better without recognizingthe differences between them. One European-American woman talkedabout her frustration with the therapist trying very hard to emancipateher from supposedly an oppressive relationship without understandingthe vast ideological and value differences between them.

It is important, when multicultural couples present concerns regard-ing the relationship, that therapist explores the basis for and possible or-igins of these concerns. Ibrahim and Schroeder (1990) also suggest thatan assessment be conducted to help the therapist understand each part-ner’s worldview and cultural identity, as well as to help each partner un-derstand the other’s worldview and cultural identity. According toOkun (1996), differences in expression of emotion, expression of phys-ical affection, beliefs of partners regarding roles, power distribution,cultural influences on family structure, views about parenting, and themeaning of love should be considered in any multicultural marriage.According to Ibrahim and Schroeder (1990), in addition to examiningworldview and other cultural matters, the following may also be ex-plored: the couple’s satisfaction with the relationship, the effectivenessof communication between the partners, the commitment and level ofsolidarity in the relationship, the developmental differences that eachpartner has experienced or expects to experience, the occupational sta-tus of both partners, and the family role expectations of both partners. Inexamining concerns that may be a function of the cultural differencesthat exist between the partners, it is important to help couples explore


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the following: how each partner defines his or her cultural identity, themeaning that cultural identity has for each of them, and how the mean-ing given to each one’s cultural identity influences and affects the rela-tionship and the dynamics within the relationship (Okun, 1996). Theexploration of each partner’s worldview and cultural basis can assist thecouple in understanding some of the reasons for the partners’ conflicts(Ibrahim & Schroeder, 1990). The same dynamic exists for multicul-tural Muslim couples. It is important to note that even when individualsmarry someone from the same culture and ethnic background, they stillhave to deal with different family values and role expectations. Thus, itis necessary to normalize many of these issues and not blame it on cul-tural difference.

CONCLUSION

Based on a research study of ten couples, this study provided an over-view of the unique experiences of multicultural Muslim couples in theUnited States. Growing opportunities for interactions between peopleof differing cultural backgrounds makes it likely that the number ofmulticultural relationships will continue to increase. In addition, thereis going to be continued growth in the segment of the U.S. populationthat accepts Islam as their religion; therefore, the expansion of the mean-ings of multicultural couples should include Christian-Muslim coupleswhen discussing couples and families. Therapists will need to assesstheir own views on this population and be able to assess these couples’needs, strengths, and differences. It is paramount for mental health pro-fessionals to increase their knowledge and broaden their understandingof multicultural couples and their Islamic faith if they want to help thesecouples thrive in their relationships.

NOTE

1. Non-halaal can simply be defined as foods that are not permitted in Islam to beconsumed by a Muslim such as pork and meats which have not been processed in an Is-lamic way; in technical terms this word is referred to as “lawful” in the Quran.

REFERENCES

Brandell, J. R. (1988). Treatment of the biracial child: Theoretical and clinical issues.Journal of Multicultural Counseling and Development, 16, 176-187.

Davidson, J. R. (1992). Theories about Black-White interracial marriage: A clinicalperspective. Journal of Multicultural Counseling and Development, 30, 150-157.


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Ibrahim, F.A. & Shroeder, D. G. (1990). Cross-cultural couples counseling: A devel-opmental psychoeducational intervention. Journal of Comparative Family Studies,21, 193-205.

McGoldrick, M., Giordano, J., & Pearce, J. K. (1996). Ethnicity and family therapy(2nd edition). New York: Guilford.

McRoy, R. G., & Freeman, E. (1986). Racial-identity issues among mixed race chil-dren. Social Work in Education, 8, 164-175.

Okun, B. F. (1996). Understanding diverse families: What practitioners need to know.New York: Guilford.

Shamim Khan, A. (2000). Marriages between Muslims and Non-Muslims. Islamic Ho-rizon, July/August.

Solsberry, P. W. (1994). Interracial couples in the United States of America: Implica-tions for mental health counseling. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 4,304-377.

Sue, D. W., Arredono, P., & McDavis, R. J. (1992). Multicultural counseling compe-tencies and standards: A call to the profession. Journal of Multicultural Counselingand Development, 20, 64-88.

Wardle, F. (1987). Are you sensitive to interracial children’s special identity needs?Young Children, 42 (2), 53-59.

Wehrly, B., Kenney, K. R. & Kenney, M. E. (1999). Counseling Multiracial Families.Thousands Oaks, CA: Sage.

Wehrly, B. (1996). Counseling interracial individuals and families. Alexandria, VA:American Counseling Association.


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