listening to learn “i like to listen. i have learned a great deal from listening carefully. most...
TRANSCRIPT
Listening to
Learn“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening
carefully. Most people never listen.” Ernest Hemingway
The most important leadership skill is Communication. The most important communication skill is Listening.
• Have you ever been in a situation where people weren’t listening?• Or you thought they were, but they misunderstood? • Or perhaps you misunderstood? • Or perhaps you understood what they said, but you didn’t fully
appreciate the importance to them?
Do you know how to listen effectively? Do you think you could improve your skills?Effective listening is key to many of the other leadership skills, so it is the first one taught in Wood Badge.“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most
people never listen.” Ernest Hemingway
Let’s talk about a recent trip or vacation!
Divide the group into pairs. Appoint a speaker and a listener in each pair. Give each of the listeners one instruction card. The listener will keep the cards message hidden from the speaker.Instruct the speakers to talk for a minute or two to their listener about a recent trip or vacation.
Pair Listener1 “Interrupt the Speaker” 2 “Give advice before he or she is done” 3 “Give the speaker a blank look” 4 “Be bored”
Speakers - How did the reaction of your listener
affect you?
Speakers - How did the listeners affect how you spoke?
Listeners - How did your speaker respond to listening behavior?
• Listeners - How did the speakers affect the way you listened?
Being a good listener is equally as important as being a good speaker.Listening is an important part of communication. Yet we take it for granted. Talking is natural. Listening is unnatural, and requires skill and effort. We don’t teach listening skills in our schools. Has anyone ever taken a course on Listening?
Today we’re going to use listening as a tool for learning & leadership.
Why is Listening a Key Skill of Leadership?
Listening is a primary means for connecting with other people.
#1 Listening connects us with other people allowing us to share ideas & experiences and creates a pool of familiarity among us. From that grows trust, understanding, and an awareness of strengths and skills - the building blocks of friendship and teamwork. Listening can be especially powerful when young people are involved. Many people of Scouting age find it unusual to have adults truly pay attention to them. Having people listen to them with care and understanding can be very meaningful for young people and also for the adults.
Why is Listening a Key Skill of Leadership?
Listening provides the means to make decisions and solve problems.
#2 Listening is the glue that holds a team together. It is the doorway through which ideas pass. It is the window in which solutions appear.
(Steve Covey sums up the essence of listening as…)
“Seek first to understand,
and then
to be understood.”
Steven Covey,
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood”
There are two parts of Effective Listening.
Two Parts of Effective Listening
Active Listening and
Empathetic Listening
Active and Empathetic
How might you define Active Listening?
Two parts of Effective listening
Active listening
Reflects what a person is saying to
confirm comprehension
reflects what a person is saying to confirm comprehension.“What I understand you to be saying is this……” By rephrasing the information and bouncing it back to the speaker, the listener confirms that the message has been correctly received. Listeners doing this are not making value judgements. They are simply making sure they are hearing what the speakers have to say, and they are letting the speakers know that their messages are getting through.
How might you define Empathetic Listening?
Two Parts of Effective Listening
Empathetic Listening;
Is a sincere attempt on the part of the listener
to understand, in depth, what a speaker is saying.
…...is a sincere attempt on the part of the listener to understand in depth what a speaker is saying.
Empathetic Listening requires Listeners to…next slide
Empathetic Listening requires listeners to….
Put themselves in the speakers place.
Empathetic Listening requires listeners to….
Put themselves in the speakers place.
Empathetic Listening requires listeners to...
• Put themselves in the speakers place.
• Imagine things from the speaker’s point of view.
Empathetic Listening requires listeners to...
Put themselves in the speakers place.Imagine things from the speaker’s point
of view.
Empathetic Listening requires listeners to...
• Put themselves in the speakers place.
• Imagine things from the speaker’s point of view.
• Try to understand how the speaker feels.
Read slide
Empathetic Listening requires listeners to...Put themselves in the speakers place.
Imagine things from the speaker’s point of view.Try to understand how the speaker feels.
Empathetic listeners pay attention to more than just the words they hear. They also take care to notice a speaker’s body language, tone of voice, and emotional sense and consider them as part of the message package speaker is sending.
Effective listening is both…next slide
Effective listeningIs
Active and Empathetic
“Most of the successful people I've known are the ones who do
more listening than talking.”Bernard Baruch
Effective listening is ACTIVE AND EMPATHETIC(“Most of the successful people I've known are the ones who do more listening than talking.”Bernard Baruch”)
Practice Effective Listening
Exercise Effective Listening
Become great at
Effective listening
1. Go back to “Speaker”/”Listener” pairs. Have them switch roles.
2. For several minutes, the speakers will talk about something they enjoy such as a hobby, a sport, or a family activity.
3. The listeners will try out different listening styles. 4. Listeners and speakers trade roles and repeat the exercise.
Let’s talk about some things that effect our listening.
How do we respond when we are hearing something we don’t want to hear? When a speaker is angry? When we are tired or hungry? A key to effective listening is being aware of our current situation, energy level, and interest. If we are upset about something, it may affect how we listen. Being drowsy will definitely affect our attention span. Are you chilly, too hot, late for another appointment/ Being aware of our own state of hearing awareness can help us adjust to better grasp the message of a speaker. It may be a matter of focusing more on what is being said. Often, though, it may require calling a time-out so that you can put on a sweater, have a bite to eat, take care of distracting matters, or let your emotions cool. Then you can get back together with the speaker under conditions that are more conducive to good listening. Of course, we cannot tailor every listening situation to be ideal. We often find ourselves in situations with others that make communication difficult. However, good listening skills are powerful tools for calming adversarial situations and finding solutions to problems.
Let’s see how this works.
ROLE PLAY
Can you hear me, can you hear me now ?
Role Play - Listening in Adversarial Situations Ask a volunteer to play the role of a Scout who is angry about the way others in his unit are treating him.The Troop Guide plays the part of a Scout leader.1. As the “Scout” expresses his complaints and frustrations, the “Scout leader” uses the skills of good listening to acknowledge that the message is being received. “I got it,” is an appropriate response. So is, “This is what I hear you saying…….”Encourage the Scout to keep talking, but offer no judgement or feedback. It is very likely that the Scout will focus on the negative, complaining about what he or she doesn’t like. That’s fine, it is often the way people who are upset express themselves.2. The Scout leader says, “I hear what you don’t want. Now tell me what you do want.” Encourage the Scout to keep talking, but focus now on positive aspects of the situation rather than negative ones.
HOW DID WE DO?
Discussion of “Adversarial Situations”
Have participants discuss what they observed in the “Listening in Adversarial Situations” role play. In addition to their comments, include in the discussion the following ideas.• Speakers respond to how others listen to them. Acknowledge but don’t
immediately judge their complaints (“I got it…”). If there is not enabling by a listener, complaints will seem smaller and ultimately more manageable. I got it! -- IPO presentation...
• By taking a negative and flipping it around to a positive, a listener can also structure a more productive framework for finding solutions. (“I hear what you don’t want. Now tell me what you do want.”)
• A conversation cast in a positive light naturally involves more empathy and support. Body language of listeners and speakers becomes more open, and chances for resolution are greatly enhanced.
• One thing you can do is…next slide
Listeners should always strive to create..
a POSITIVE present
As opposed to a NEGATIVE past
Listeners should always strive to create a positive presentas opposed to a negative past
Let’s talk about feedback. Next slide
Receiving feedback can sometimes be difficult. However, by using effective listening skills, a feedback situation may be turned into a positive experience.
• Have you ever had someone give you advice about something? How did it feel to be receiving feedback?
• Have you ever been in a position to tell people how they can do something better or how they might make a positive change in their behavior? How did it feel to be offering feedback?
From time to time, all of us find ourselves giving and receiving feedback. It is a basic part of team development, of leadership, and of friendships.
For feedback to be helpful, both parties we must use the skills of effective listening.
Listening is the
key element in
giving
and
receiving
feedback
(read the slide)Listening is the key element in
giving and receiving feedback
Now we are going to look atTips on Giving Feedback (flip slide)
Tips on Giving Feedback “Helping someone is what life
is all about.”Willie Stargell
Be Helpful
Tips on Giving Feedback1. Consider your motives. Feedback
should always be helpful; otherwise, there is no reason to offer it.
(“Helping someone is what life is all about.”Willie Stargell)
Tips on Giving Feedback
Is recipient open to feedback?
How would you know ASK!!
Tips on Giving Feedback2. Find out if the other people involved are open to receiving feedback. Listen carefully, then rephrase what they say to be sure you understand them.
Tips on Giving Feedback
Deal only with changeable behavior.
“Change brings opportunity.” Nido Qubein
Tips on Giving Feedback
3.Deal only with behavior that can be changed
(Change brings opportunity.” Nido Qubein )
Tips on Giving Feedback
Deal with specifics,
not generalities.
Tips on Giving Feedback4. Deal with specifics, not generalities
Tips on Giving Feedback
Describe behavior,
Do Not judge it.
When this was said In this manner.
Tips on Giving Feedback5. Describe the behavior; do not evaluate
it(When this was said In this manner)
Tips on Giving Feedback
Describe the impact on you
Focus on the positive
more then the negative.
Tips on Giving Feedback6. Let the other person know the impact the
behavior has on youFocus on the positive more then the negative
Tips on Giving Feedback
Accept your responsibility
“Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.”
~Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Tips on Giving Feedback7. Use an “I” statement to accept responsibility for your own perceptions and emotions
Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.
~Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Tips on Giving Feedback
Check understanding
Tips on Giving Feedback8. To make sure the recipients of feedback have understood your message in the way you intended it, ask them to rephrase what they heard you say.
You can give caring feedback
without a good technique,
but the slickest technique
in the world will not hide
a lack of caring.
(read slide)You can give caring feedback
without a good technique,
but the slickest technique in the world will not hide
a lack of caring.
Now to give the other side equal time, let’s look atTips on Receiving Feedback (flip slide)
Review on Giving FeedbackBe Helpful
Is recipient open to feedback—Ask
Deal only with Changeable behavior
Deal with Specifics, not generalities
Describe Behavior—Do not judge it
Describe the Impact on you
Accept your Responsibility
Check Understanding
Giving Feedback review Be helpful Is recipient open to feedback-AskDeal only with changeable behavior Deal with specifics, not generalitiesDescribe behavior-do not judge it Describe the impact on youAccept your responsibilityCheck understanding
Tips on Receiving Feedback
Seek FeedbackI would like your opinion,
what did you think?
Tips of Receiving Feedback1. Seek out feedback. It will nearly always provide you with information that will in some way help you improve your performance.Example- I would like your opinion, what did you think?
Tips on Receiving Feedback
Listen Carefully
“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to
sit down and listen.” Winston Churchill
Tips of Receiving Feedback2. Listen carefully. Receiving feedback requires a heightened awareness of yourself and the person offering the feedback.•Winston Churchill said “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”
Tips on Receiving Feedback
Listen actively“It takes a great man to
be a good listener.” Calvin Coolidge
Tips of Receiving Feedback3. Listen actively. Restate the feedback in
your own words so that the speaker knows that the message you are receiving is the same as the one the speaker intended to send.
4.Calvin Coolidge said “it takes a great man to be a good listener”
Tips on Receiving Feedback
Listen empathetically
Yea, I hear you. Can’t
you tell I’m listening!!
Tips of Receiving Feedback4. Listen empathetically. Put feedback in
its proper context by observing the speaker’s body language, tone of voice, and emotions. Consider the speaker’s reasons for offering feedback.
(Smiley face picture-Yea I hear you Can’t you tell I’m listening!! )
Tips on Receiving Feedback
Notice how you are feeling
Tips of Receiving Feedback5. Notice how you are feeling when someone offers you feedback. Becoming angry or defensive can cloud you ability to listen effectively.
Review on Receiving Feedback
Seek Feedback
Listen Carefully
Listen actively
Listen empathetically
Notice how you are feeling
Remember Seek Feedback Listen Carefully Listen Actively Listen Empathetically Notice how you are feeling
•Consider feedback a gift. It truly is.
Let’s Review
• Effective listening is a skill that each of us can learn and can constantly improve upon.
• Listening plays a vital role in forming relationships, developing teams, and finding solutions.
• The best listening is both active and empathetic.• Listening can be a tool for turning a negative situation into a
positive one.• Listening well is an important part of both receiving and
giving feedback. GIVE OUT DANGLY!