life skills facilitator handbook 26.06.13

Pursuit of Life

Learning & Development


Preface

The World Health Organization has defined life skills as, "the abilities for adaptive and

positive behavior that enable individuals to deal effectively with the demands and

challenges of everyday life".

Life skills help promote mental well-being and competence in young people as they face the

realities of life. Life skills empower young people to take positive action to protect

themselves and promote health and positive social relationships.

In this handbook DRF identified the core life skills – Self Introspection, SWOT, Decision

Making, Values, Goal Setting, Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Conflict

Resolution, Time Management, Team Work, Money Management, Self Esteem and

Being Proactive.

The Highlights about Life Skills:

Self Awareness: This includes our recognition of ourselves, of our character, of our

strengths and weaknesses, desires and dislikes. Developing self-awareness can help us

recognize when we are stressed or feel under pressure. It is also often a pre-requisite for

effective communication and interpersonal relationships we well as for having empathy for

others. This comes from the most difficult question to ask of one's self: "Who am I?"

The Aspirant is able to discern available opportunities and prepare to face possible threats.

This leads to the development of a social awareness of the concerns of one’s family and

society.

Coping with Emotions: This involves recognizing our own emotions and of others. Being

aware of how emotions influence our behavior and being able to respond to emotions

appropriately. Intense emotions like anger of sorrow can have negative effects on our well-

being if we do not react appropriately. People and situations react with different emotions in

difference circumstances. Let's think about the four basic emotions: happiness, sadness,

fear and anger.

Empathy: This is the ability to imagine what life is like for another person, even in a

situation that we may not be familiar with.


Decision Making: This is about going constructively through with decisions about our lives.

Decisions we can make can have great consequences, in both the long, medium and short

terms. Assessing different options and consequences affect different decisions.

With life skills, aspirant is able to explore alternatives, weigh pros and cons and make

rational decisions in solving each problem or issue as it arises. It also entails being able to

establish productive interpersonal relationships with others.

Effective Communication: This means that we are able to express ourselves both verbally

and non-verbally, in ways that are appropriate to our cultures and situations. This begins

with the reflective questions "What is it that I want/need to convey? And why?" It moves to

"In what ways can I express what I want to convey?" and ends with "What results do I see

as a result of conveying this?"

Life skills enable effective communication, for example, being able to differentiate between

hearing and listening and ensuring that messages are transmitted accurately to avoid

miscommunication and misinterpretations.

Interpersonal Skills: Interpersonal skills help us to relate in positive ways with people we

interact with. This may mean being able to make and keep family relationships, which can

be of great importance to our mental and social well-being. It may mean keeping good

relationships with family members, which are an important source of social support. It may

mean being able to end relationships constructively.


SIGNS USED

This symbol and typeface indicates an instruction to the facilitator.

This symbol indicates what you should say/explain to participants;

Questions you should ask aspirants and highlighted in boldface

This sy m bol a nd t y pe f a ce ind ica t e s im por t a nt po int s, includ ing

k e y po int s w hich t he f a cilit a t or should e m pha siz e .


Table of Contents

Self Introspection ..............................................................................................................................1

SWOT ...............................................................................................................................................7

Decision Making .............................................................................................................................. 13

Values ............................................................................................................................................. 21

Goal Setting .................................................................................................................................... 33

Communication ............................................................................................................................... 47

Emotional Intelligence ..................................................................................................................... 61

Team Work ..................................................................................................................................... 75

Conflict Resolution .......................................................................................................................... 83

Time Management .......................................................................................................................... 97

Money Management ..................................................................................................................... 109

Being Proactive ............................................................................................................................. 113

Self Introspection 1

SWOT 7

Decision Making 13

Values 21

Goal Setting 33

Communication 47

Emotional Intelligence 61

Team Work 75

Conflict Resolution 83

Time Management 97

Money Management 109

Being Proactive 113

Self Introspection

“Stop to see the violence around you; start to see the

violence within you.”

Learning & Development Page 2

SELF-INTROSPECTION

Learning Objective:

To help aspirants understand how they are remembered / recognized by

the community around them.

To help the aspirants understand the influencing factors for their identity.

Help the aspirants to identify the persons with whom they need to be

associated with to reach one’s goals.

Start the session with the following story.

Do you know who is he?

Wait for the response from your aspirants. If they respond (R) by saying his

name as Alfred Noble. Say “Very good”……………

If they are unable to say his name, give a hint that “he is remembered today

by the great Nobel Prize”. Based on your aspirants response(R): If they say his

name. Say good ………If they are unable to say then tell them-

His name was Alfred Nobel and he is remembered today by the great Nobel

Prize. He is the person who invented Dynamite.

About a hundred years ago, a man looked at the morning newspaper and to his

surprise and horror, read his name in the obituary column. The news papers

had reported the death of the wrong person by mistake. His first response was

shock. Am I here or there? When he regained his composure, his second

thought was to find out what people had said about him.

The obituary read, “Dynamite King Dies.” And also “He was the merchant of

death.” This man was the inventor of dynamite and when he read the words

“merchant of death,” he asked himself a question, “Is this how I am going to be

remembered?”


Now ask the aspirants

What made him to change his way of life?

Wait for the response(R) from your aspirants

Their response may be like:

The statement in the newspaper

May be his invention etc…

Now ask the following questions to the aspirants:

He could have taken many actions like compliant against the newspaper. He

could have taken it easy. He could have behaved rudely against the newspaper

agency and so on...

But what made him bring in to the shift in his actions?

Wait for the response(R) from your aspirants

If aspirants respond further...Appreciate them and tell them what made him

alter his way of life.

“When he saw his own photograph and the tagline – the merchant of death” he

looked into his own self and asked the following question. “Is this the way

people remember me after my death?”

He got in touch with his feelings and decided that this was not the way he

wanted to be remembered. From that day on, he started working toward peace.

The rest is history. Today we remember him with the noble prize.

Just as Alfred Nobel got in touch with his feelings and redefined his values,

We should step back and do the same.

How would you like to be remembered?

Will you be spoken well of?

Will you be remembered with love and respect?

Will you be missed?


Now let’s look into ourselves and see how people identify us.

Draw your right hand and write down your identities.

Give them examples like I am aggressive, short tempered, stubborn,

friendly etc…. Give them enough time to work on this. Instruct aspirants clearly

what they should be writing in right hand. Once it is done, ask them to -

Draw your left hand and write down your influencing factors?

Give them examples basing on the example you have given at identities.

E.g.: If my identity is aggressive, I have adopted this from my father. I used to

see people respecting my father. They even feared to confront him. I want to

see people behave in the similar way with me. So in this case my father is an

influencing factor for me to be aggressive.”


Give them enough time to work on this. Instruct aspirants clearly what they

should be writing in left hand.

Once it is done, now ask your aspirants to write their qualities as a worker and

also as a person.

Explain them with examples like “as a person I am very lazy but as a worker I

am so active.

Wait till aspirants complete writing their qualities as a person and as a worker.

They should list down at least four qualities in each column. Some qualities from

earlier exercise may come here again. Few qualities can be the same in both the

columns. That’s okay...

Now ask the aspirants to draw a picture that represents them

If you were to represent yourself in to a picture what picture would you

draw?

For Example: I represent myself with an Eagle.

“The very reason for that is of its unique qualities. For example, it never

compromises in achieving its goal. It does not consume by outside conditions.

When it rains, it will not hide himself under any tree, but it will fly above the

clouds. So I also want to be like that.”

As a person

1. Lazy

As a worker

1. Active


After everyone is done, ask if anyone wants to share their qualities and picture.

Later ask them the below question -

Does the picture you have just drawn resemble the present? Or does it

resemble the way you want to see yourself in future?

All the information or qualities that we have described on our right and left

hands are from our past. All the information or qualities that we described as a

person and as a worker are from our past. But best of me is from our future. In

rare cases it’s from present.

Are you happy with your identities?

Wait for the response from the aspirants: You may get the response like Yes/No.

If it is yes, Say “good”…

Do you think all your identities and qualities will take you to this place

(picture)?

Wait for the response from the aspirants:

The response may be yes / no…If the response is yes then say “good, you are

doing well”…If it is no, Say “good”….” Now Say –

Whatever you are till now is because of the people you are associated. And now

if you want to move forward and achieve your goal as you have drawn in the

picture then with “Whom do you want to associate with?”

Wait for the response from the aspirants. Say your own example like, I would

like to associate myself with Stephen Covey to be a Good Trainer.

So whom do you want to associate to get in to that place? List them

down in your workbook.

Conclude the Session:

S e lf - In t rospe ct ion is t he a r t o f unde rst a nding a bout y ou a nd how

t o re a ct t o sit ua t ions go ing on in t he w or ld . It is t he f unda m e nt a l

f or se lf im prov e m e nt . The m ore se lf -a w a re y ou be com e , t he m ore

y ou ’re a b le t o unde rst a nd ot he rs, w hich he lps y ou in m a ny w a y s.

SWOT

“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are

heading”


SWOT Analysis

LEARNING OBJECTIVE:

To help aspirants understand “What is SWOT”.

To help aspirants understand the importance of figuring out their basic

strengths and weakness and how they can capitalize on them.

To help aspirants formulate strategies to effectively build upon their

strengths/ opportunities and to overcome their weakness.

Teaching Learning Methodology:

1. Discussions on real time examples

2. Debriefing – interactive session

3. Creating interest in the topic with the help of stories

Start the session with the below story.

There was an old woman who was very fond of her little grandson. Every day

she kissed him and says goodbye when he left to school and stood at the door

waving out to him and watching him until he was out of her sight. One day as

she watched she saw to her horror a car traveling at a high speed go out of

control and hit the little boy. The boy fell down and the wheel went over his

heel before the car came to a halt. The grandmother rushed over to the

accident spot and watched in fear as the crowd that had gathered tried hard

to lift the vehicle off the crying boy’s foot without any success. The old

woman who could not bear to see her beloved grandchild in pain put all her

efforts to move the car. To the amazement of the crowd, she lifted the front

of the car off the boy’s foot and freed him. Everyone cheered her but the old

woman began to cry loudly. When she went home, her son asked her why she

was crying, instead of being happy for having done such a miraculous thing to

save her grandson.


Ask the aspirants

What made the old woman to cry?

Wait for the response from your aspirants. You may get responses like may be

with happiness, guilty etc.., list down the aspirants responses.

DEBRIEF

She realized her strength at the age of 60. She started to regret that she was

blind of her inner strength till now. If she had realized at earlier she would have

done much better.

“Taking this situation –what do you think she could have achieved if she

realized at her early age?”

Wait for the response from the aspirants. The response may be like she might

become great athletic, great player etc…

DEBRIEF

If she had discovered her strength at her early age, she would have achieved

more in her life.

Ask the following question to the aspirants

When is the right time to realize our strengths? Is it now or later at 60

years?

Wait for the response from the aspirants. The response would be as “Now”. Say

good…

Now ask your aspirants

What do you mean by strength?

Wait for the response from the aspirants.

Anything you do without any doubt is Strength. An internal resource or capability

is helpful to achieve the desired goals.


What do you mean by weakness?


An internal attribute or barrier is to achieve the desired goals.

Explain the following table.

STRENGTHS WEAKNESSES

What do you do well?

What unique resources can you

draw on?

What do others see as your

strengths?

What could you improve?

Where do you have fewer

resources than others?

What are others likely to see as

weaknesses?

OPPORTUNITIES THREATS

What opportunities are open to

you?

What trends could you take

advantage of?

How can you turn your strengths

into opportunities?

What threats could harm you?

What is your competition doing?

What threats do your weaknesses

expose you to?

Share your own strengths and weakness with the aspirants.

Now ask the aspirants to list down their strength& weakness.

Now ask them to write down their opportunities & threats. Give examples for

threats & opportunities.

Ask the following

Where do you want to focus either on strengths or weaknesses?




Build on Strengths Resolve Weaknesses

Exploit Opportunities Avoid Threats

Strengths need to be maintained, built upon or leveraged.

Weaknesses need to be remedied, changed or stopped.

Opportunities need to be prioritized, captured, built on and optimized.

Threats need to be countered or minimized and manage

You cannot run away from weakness; you must some time fight it out or

perish; and if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?

- Robert Lewis Stevenson

Decision Making

It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your

values are.

Roy Disney


DECISION MAKING

LEARNING OBJECTIVE:

By the end of the session aspirants will be able -

To identify the true problem in any problematic situation and get the best

solutions

To look for various possible solutions and

To make best choice by analyzing and understanding the pros and cons of

every possible solution

Many of the aspirants may never have been given the responsibility to make their

own decisions, or may never have put a lot of thought into their decisions. As the

aspirants will be given the opportunity over the next couple of months to make

important decisions, they should be aware of how to go about the process of

decision-making.

The facilitator should go through an example with the aspirants where the cons to a

decision outweigh the pros, and vice versa.

TEACHING LEARNING METHODOLOGY:

1. Creating interest in the topic with the help of real life scenarios

2. Debriefing – Interactive session

3. Lecture


Rahul is fourteen and has taken football coaching since he was five. He feels that he misses out

on many fun activities because he has to practice every day after school. He wants to quit

football coaching, but his mother will not allow him to. She says, “If you quit the coaching now

you’ll be sorry when you get older.” But Rahul wants to quit.

Start the session saying -

“I have a problem and I want your support in finding a suitable solution. Will you

help me?”

Explain following problem.

Shall I share my problem? Yes, here it is…

Give a real life situation scenario to make a decision. Or you may want to choose

the below example problem.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Example Problem:

a. What other options could Rahul and his mother find?

b. Is there a compromise that they can make to satisfy both of them?

Now can you suggest me some of the ways I can solve this problem?

While the aspirants are giving various solutions, just list them on board. The

common tendency of people is to evaluate immediately.

For example if aspirant A comes with one solution, B will immediately encounter

it. If that is the case ...say, “We will first list out all the solutions you think are

suitable, then we will see which one is better for implementation. Okay? … Thank

you. Yes what is the next solution you suggest me?”

After all the points have been listed, now evaluate and compare each and every

solution with the aspirants and finally come up with “One Solution”. Erase the

irrelevant solutions on the board. Evaluate every solution and considered each and

every aspirant’s view points.


After identifying the one solution from the aspirants, say –

Thank you for giving me a wonderful solution. Now let’s look into what we have

done so far?

First we have identified what was the actually problem. Then we have come up with

all possible solutions to the problem with your help and have listed all of them on

the board. After that we have evaluated each and every solution considering the

pros and cons and finally came up with “One Solution”. We have chosen the best

solution for my problem.

Outline the following four steps as a process by which decision making can take

place. Write the steps on flip-chart paper and encourage the participants to copy

down the steps and examples.

Step 1: Define the problem.

What is the real issue?

Step 2: Identify possible solutions.

What are all of the ways I could react?

Step 3: Evaluate and compare each possible solution.

What are the good and bad outcomes for each one? Think about your personal and family

values and the impact that the solution would have on your life.

Step 4: Choose a solution.

Which solution has the most positive outcomes?


Debrief:

All of us have to make decisions every day. Some decisions are relatively

straightforward and simple. Others are quite complex

Decision-making is a key skill in life, and is particularly important if you want to be

a successful person. Each decision presents its own challenges, and we all have

different ways of approaching problems.

So, how do you avoid making bad decisions – or leaving decisions to chance? You

need a systematic approach to decision-making so that, no matter what type of

decision you have to make, you can take decisions with confidence.

STEPS FOR DECISION-MAKING:

A logical and systematic decision-making steps helps you address the critical

elements that result in a good decision. By taking an organized approach, you're

less likely to miss important factors, and you can build on the approach to make

your decisions better and better.

Step 1: Define the problem.

What is the real issue?

Step 2: Identify possible solutions.

What are all of the ways I could react?

Step 3: Evaluate and compare each

possible solution.

What are the good and bad outcomes for each

one? Think about your personal and family

values and the impact that the solution would

have on your life.

Step 4: Choose a solution.

Which solution has the most positive outcomes?


ACTIVITY:

Creating Solutions

Objective:

To provide the aspirants with the opportunity to solve realistic problems using the

four steps of decision-making outlined above.

STEPS:

Make the aspirants to divide into groups of 4-5. Each group will be given a different

problem that they may encounter when they begin working. They should be asked

to write down their answers on the piece of flip-chart paper/activity sheet provided.

Tell the groups that they must solve the problem they have been given using the

four steps of decision-making, and will be have to present their conclusions to the

rest of the participants after 15 minutes.

EXAMPLE PROBLEMS:

You may use the following scenarios or can come with your own real life situations.

A. Someone in the family gets sick and you are expected to take care of them

which mean that you have to miss work.

B. After you get married your husband insists that you stop working.

C. Family members are continuously asking you for money, leaving you with no

savings.

D. Your friend is getting married, but an important meeting for which you must

be present is scheduled on the same day.

Go around the class and help the group if they are finding it difficult to come up

with the solution. After the activity, make every group to come forward and present

the solution for the problem and why they think it’s the best solution.



D e cision -m a k ing is a sk ill – a nd sk ills ca n usua lly be im prov e d. A s y ou

ga in m ore e x pe r ie nce m a k ing de cisions, a nd a s y ou be com e m ore

f a m ilia r w it h t he t oo ls a nd st ruct ure s ne e de d f or e f f e ct iv e de cision -

m a k ing , y ou ' ll im prov e y our conf ide nce . U se t h is oppor t un it y t o t h ink

a bout how y ou ca n im prov e y our de cision-m a k ing a nd t a k e y our sk ills

t o t he ne x t le v e l. U lt im a t e ly , im prov ing y our de cisio n-m a k ing sk ills

w ill be ne f it y ou .


CREATING SOLUTIONS - ACTIVITY SHEET

What is the Problem? - What is the real issue?

(Define the problem)

Identify possible solutions - What are all of the ways you can react?

(Options)

1.

2.

3.

Evaluate and Compare each possible solution - What are the good and bad outcomes for each one? Think about your personal and family values and the impact that the solution would have on your life.

(Outcomes for each option)

1.

*

*

*

2.

*

*

*

3.

*

*

*

Choose a solution - Which solution has the most positive outcomes?


Values

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,

Your thoughts become your words,

Your words become your actions,

Your actions become your habits,

Your habits become your values,

Your values become your destiny.”

― Mahatma Gandhi


VALUES

LEARNING OBJECTIVE: To make the aspirants -

Define values

Know the importance of values.

Demonstrate an acknowledgement and acceptance of the realities

Identify and prioritize one's own values

Develop an understanding of how values influence behavior

The facilitator should get the aspirants to think about their own personal sets of

values, and how they have acquired them. It is important to stress that values

should not be derived from family or friends, but instead through personal

experiences and beliefs. The aspirants should be reassured that it is good to

question the values around them, rather than simply accepting them as their own;

this in itself is a value. They should also be made aware of the importance of

standing up for your values, even if it means going against someone you love and

respect, or making someone angry. Values are a personal right, and should not be

dictated by others.




3. Lecture


Start the session with the following activity

Activity 1: Bomb Shelter

Bomb Shelter Materials: Markers, flip-chart paper

Objective: To encourage the aspirants to respect the differences in culture, values,

beliefs and assumptions.

Steps: Divide the participants into groups of five people. Tell the groups what their

instructions are. Allow the groups to work on the problem for 10-15 minutes.

Instruct the problem:

A war has just broken out, and your group is safe in a bomb shelter, which means

that you will survive. There is still room for three people. Please make a choice of

three individuals from the following list, who you would invite into the shelter, so

that they may survive also.

A pregnant woman

A doctor

A social worker

A policewoman

A 2 year old child

The list should be amended by the facilitator to ensure that cultural norms are

represented. Once the groups have made their choices, note down the choices on

the board. Then debrief on the following question:

What values are behind the choices?

Are there any right or wrong choices?

We all lead a busy life with work, fun and home obligations. In this natural state we

don’t give attention to WHO WE ARE.


Not what we are, many of us label ourselves by our chosen occupation namely a

mechanic, programmer, librarian, doctor, teacher, engineer, or such other external

activity by which we earn a living.

However, as I am sure you will agree, this is not you living but you earning a

living.

Many of us make changes from one profession to another; say from a policeman to

a computer technician. This then would identify you differently but you remain the

same "person"

So WHO YOU ARE is normally a constant, it is what defines you as a person. Are

you Serious? Lively? Caring? Angry? Loyal? Responsible? Creative?

Of course most of us are a little bit of each...but what is your DOMINANT

feature or character, how do others see you?

Activity 2: Death Bed

Conduct a small activity. Ask the aspirants to close their eyes, after a minute

instruct them as follows:-

Imagine yourself that after 200 years you are on your death bed. You can see all

your family members, friends and people you know around you. They are all talking

about you. You can actually hear them talking about you. What were you to them?

What did you do to them?

After the instruction, be calm for about 5 mins to let them imagine. Then ask the

aspirants to open their eyes. Ask the following questions but don’t expect the

answers from them:

1. What did you see?

2. How did you feel about the way people were talking about you?

3. Did you feel good or bad?


Our life is guided by the values we act upon. Many of us have never taken the time

to truly explore and identify our values. Behind our choices and actions are the

values that take us into living fully, while other values diminish the quality of our

life. You have an opportunity to base your life on the values that are consistent with

how you want to live your life. Having fun or taking risks may run counter to being

healthy. In order to be healthier, it is important to live out of the values that are

consistent with your purpose.

So - What Is A Value?

Aspirants may not be familiar with the term "values," they nevertheless operate on

some value system. The main idea behind this section is to allow aspirants to

realize that they do have values and to identify what some of these values are:

"There are some things in life that are very important. I believe that education is

very important.

What are some things that you believe are very important?"

List all the ideas that the aspirants suggest.

They may suggest such things as "having a nice house" to "owning a new car."

Aspirants often tend to be oriented to concrete concepts, and they may not suggest

more abstract ideas such as "beauty" as something of real value.

If you feel that they do not offer many choices, you could list additional values from

the list below:

achievement

integrity

creativity

courtesy

friendship

justice

relationship

knowledge

love

hard work

power

religion

respect

courage

wisdom

helping others

having fun

being honest

good health

love of family

education

liberty

justice

money


After aspirants have verbalized as many "important things" as they can think of,

explain that many of these "things" can be called "values."

The list of the things noted on our board is known as “Values”

Value can be defined as “a principle, standard, or quality considered

worthwhile or desirable”, and is related to those principles, attitudes and

feelings that conforms an individual's ethics and moral judgments. Values are

closely related to cultural environment and education received since early

childhood.

Values are your personal measure of worth shaped by your beliefs, ideas and

principles that are important to you.They shape your priorities and guide you

in deciding what is right and wrong

Values reflect our attitudes and what we believe about everything.

People's values differ and people and we should all learn to reapect each

others' values.

Examples:

a) A person who values family relations will care about his/her partner, children

and home life.

“love for my family is a value, I am willing to work hard for and maybe even

sacrifice to achieve it.”

That value reflects the fact that I believe love for family is more important than

anything else in my life. This should be reflected in my decisions and actions. If not

it is not what I value.

b) A person who values being healthy will exercise, eat the right foods,live

positively and avoid alcohol and tobacco.

From the list of values on the whiteboard, ask the aspirants –

Out of the list which four are the most important to you? Explain why you

have chosen them?


Which of these values will help you to achieve in life? (List four.)

1. _______________ 3. _______________

2. _______________ 4. _______________

Highlight the following four values which should become second nature to every

aspirant...

Integrity, Hard Work, Courage & Relationships

Values play an important part in our lives. They help us decide what we expect of

ourselves and of others. Our values help us to make decisions.


The Singer

One day, a train was approaching the small town. On the train was

a strange guy with a big suitcase. He was called David Raj, he

looked very ordinary indeed. What made him most unusual was the

fact that whenever he needed to communicate he did it by singing.

It didn't matter to David whether it was simply a matter of

answering a brief greeting, like 'good day'. He would clear his voice

and respond,

"Gooood dayyy to youuuuuuuu..... tooOOOO!"

It wouldn't be unfair to say that almost everyone considered David a massive pain

in the neck. No one could get a normal, spoken, word out of him. And, as no one

knew how he made his living - and he lived quite simply, always wearing his same

old second-hand suit - they often treated him with disrespect.

They made fun of his singing. David had been in the village for some years, when,

one day, a rumor spread round town like wildfire: David had secured a role in a

very important singing concert in the nation's capital, and there were posters

everywhere advertising the event. Everyone in the capital went to see it, and it was

a great success. At the end of its run - to everyone’s surprise in the village - when

David was being interviewed by reporters, he answered their questions by speaking

rather than singing. And he did it with great courtesy, and with a clear and pleasant

voice.

From that day, David gave up singing at all hours. Now he did it only during his

stage appearances and world tours. Some people suspected why he had changed,

but others still had no idea, and continued believing him to be somewhat mad. They

wouldn't have thought so if they had seen what David kept in his big suitcase. It

was a large stone, with a hand-carved message on it.


The message said: "Practice, my boy. Practice every second, for you never

knows when your chance will come."

Little did people realize that he only got the role in the concert because the director

had heard David singing while buying a newspaper.

SUCCESS COMES AS A RESULT OF HARD WORK AND CONSTANT EFFORT.


The Brave Little Tortoise and the Monster

Once upon a time, there was a tortoise on a ship, and the ship

sank. Sometime later the tortoise made it to a desert land

surrounded by water on all sides except for one. The landward

side led up to a big, stee p, craggy mountain. To avoid starving to

death, the tortoise decided to climb to the top of the mountain,

hoping that he would be able to cross to the other side.

When he got to the snow-covered summit he was freezing cold, and then a blizzard

started. He just managed to make out a small pathway leading down the other side

of the mountain. But the path was guarded by a big monster that wouldn't stop

shouting.

"Uuh uuh uuh!"

Such a sight and sound almost killed the tortoise with fright, and all he wanted to

do was hide his head inside his shell. But, looking around him, he saw that many

other animals were lying frozen to death and with looks of horror on their faces. So

the tortoise didn't go into his shell.

He summoned up all his courage to move down the path towards the monster. The

closer the tortoise got, the more the monster changed its shape. Then, when he

was almost upon it, the tortoise realized that what he had thought was a monster,

was only a great pile of rocks, which formed a shape just like a monster. As for the

"Uuh uuh uuh", the tortoise realized this was just the sound of the wind blowing

through a small cave.

The tortoise carried on, and eventually descended into a beautiful valley, filled with

woods, and plenty of food. The tortoise lived very happily here, and became known

everywhere as the Brave Little Tortoise.

THE ONLY WAY TO SUCCESSFULLY DEAL WITH A LIFE AND DEATH

SITUATION IS TO FACE UP TO THE FEAR IT BRINGS.



When I have values:

I know what is important to me

I am able to set my priorities right

I am honest

I am systematic when doing things

I decide before I act

I am responsible

I have respect for other people

I am accountable for my actions

I have respect for life

I have commitment in whatever I do

I show kindness

I have self control

Values only have value when they are acted upon

You have had the chance to explore your personal values and to examine

other people’s values in relation to sustainable living.

Goal Setting

Goals provide direction, a sense of accomplishment and help you

define your growth and development.


GOAL SETTING

LEARNING OBJECTIVE:

By the end of the session aspirants will

Be able to set their Short & Long term goals

Be able to set goals using SMART

Get to know the 3 “V” Formula for making goals successful.

Be aware of why Goals fail and to avoid them.

This session seeks to make the aspirants aware of the need to have a long-term

goal and then helps them to verbalize their “dreams” in the form of a long-term

goal. It then encourages them to come forward with short-term plans that help

them reach those goals.

Start the session with the following activity. Ask 2 aspirants to come forward to

play the game. Instruct them as the following-

ACTIVITY 1: Number Game – 1 to 20

Instructions:

This game is about reaching number 20 first. Whoever reaches the number 20 first

would be the winner. Okay…. Now here are the instructions.

1. Two players would play.

2. Any player can start the game by choosing a number 1 or 2.

3. Then the next player can add either one or two to the number.

4. This will continue till one of the two reaches 20.

E.g.: If A starts the game with number 2(can start with either 1 or 2).Then B

would add (can choose either one or two) two and would say number 4. Then A

would add (can choose either one or two) one and would say number 5. Then B

would add (can choose either one or two)two and would say number 7 and so on

the game would continue till A or B reaches the number 20.


Note: Initially, couple of aspirants shall play with facilitator and then facilitator

should give chance to other aspirants to play with each other. Also remember that

each time only one pair will be playing and the rest would be observing for logic. No

two pairs will be allowed to play at once.

Let every aspirant play the game. Once everyone is done playing the game debrief

them. Ask them–

1. What did you learn from this game?

Wait for the aspirant’s response. Accept and node to every point the aspirant says.

And once they are done with the answer highlight the following points –

Always take the opportunity in life. (ideally the one who makes the choice of

beginning the game and chooses “two” to start will win the game)

You should know your opportunities. (when the other person gives choice to

start, starting the game or making a choice of beginning the game)Identify

your milestones. (Knowing right steps of reaching 20)

And then you can relieve to them the secret of winning the game.

Winning Game Pattern:

2 – 5 – 8 – 11 – 14 – 17 - 20

The person should take the opportunity to start the game and choose 2 first.

2 – 5 – 8 – 11 – 14 – 17 – 20 – these are the milestones. Even though in the

middle of reaching your goal, you miss a milestone, it doesn’t matter you should

rectify in the middle and try to get to the other milestone and be on track.

To reach your goal you need to have milestones. You should reach every

milestone one after the other to reach your final goal.


Building Temples - a story

Objective: To get them to understand the importance of seeing the big picture and

to discuss the need to have the drive/focus.

Now I would tell you a Story... Do you want to listen to a story? ...

Wait for response…

Yes…. Okay here it is …

Once upon a time, a king ruled over a large kingdom. One day he decided to ride

out and tour his kingdom. On a sunny afternoon, he came across a site where

hundreds of artisans were hard at work. The king was curious to know what they

were building so he rode up to a workman and asked him “What are you doing?”

The man replied unhappily, “I am making pillars in this harsh sun.” The king then

asked another artisan what he was doing; the reply was “I am tired from cutting

this large pile of stones into stone bricks.” The king still didn’t get his answer, he

asked yet another work man who said “I am a master sculpture and I am working

hard chiseling idols out of stone”. Finally, the king came across a happy looking

workman whom he asked, “Please tell me what you are doing “The Mason replied

cheerfully “Oh King! All of us here are together going to make the largest and most

beautiful temple. I am so happy to be chosen as a mason who will build the walls of

the temple.”

Discuss the following question with the aspirants

1. What was the difference between the mason and the other workers?

(Or) What made the mason so happy?

2. How did knowing his contribution help?

3. What did you (the aspirants) learn from the story?

4. What is the need to have a vision?

5. Is being able to see the vision enough to achieve the goal?

6. What else is required?


Explain or say the following:

GOAL SETTING

If you ask most people what their one major objective in life is, they would

probably give you a vague answer, such as, “I want to be successful, be happy, and

make a good living” and that is it. Those all are wishes and none of them are clear

goals.

Goal setting is a formal process for personal planning. By setting goals on a regular

basis you decide what you want to achieve. The process of setting goals and targets

allows you to choose where you want to go in life. By knowing precisely what you

want to achieve, you know what you have to concentrate on to do it.

By setting goals, you will also raise your self-confidence, as you recognize your

ability and competence in achieving the goals that you have set.

Starting to Set Personal Goals

Firstly you decide what you want to do with your life and what large-scale

goals you want to achieve.

Then you break these down into the smaller and smaller targets that you

must hit so that you reach your lifetime goals.

Finally, once you have your plan, you start working towards achieving it.

Setting SMART Goals:

Specific: The goal should identify a specific action or event that will take place. A

specific goal has a much greater chance of being accomplished than a general goal.

To set a specific goal you must answer the six “W” questions:

Who: Who is involved?

What: What do I want to accomplish?

Where: Identify a location.

When: Establish a time frame.

Which: Identify requirements and constraints.

Why: Specific reasons, purpose or benefits of accomplishing the goal.


E.g.: if I want Honda Civic, then I should know which model I want, which color, what

should be the interior, & so on.

Measurable - The goal and its benefits should be quantifiable. Establish concrete

criteria for measuring progress toward the attainment of each goal you set. When

you measure your progress, you stay on track, reach your target dates.

To determine if your goal is measurable, ask questions such as……

How much? How many?

How will I know when it is accomplished?

E.g.: if I want Honda Civic in 2 years I should know how much it will cost & how much I

need to work to achieve it.

Achievable - The goal should be attainable given available resources. When you

identify goals that are most important to you, you begin to figure out ways you can

make them come true. You develop the attitudes, abilities, skills, and financial

capacity to reach them.

E.g.: if I want Ferrari in first 6 months, then it’s not achievable.

Realistic-The goal should require you to stretch some, but allow the likelihood of

success. To be realistic, a goal must represent an objective toward which you are

both willing and able to work. A goal can be both high and realistic; you are the

only one who can decide just how high your goal should be. But be sure that every

goal represents substantial progress.

E.g.: if I want to build a house on Moon, then it’s not realistic.

Time Bound –The goal should state the time period in which it will be

accomplished. A goal should be grounded within a time frame. With no time frame

tied to it there’s no sense of urgency.

E.g.: if I want to buy Honda Civic then there should be a date, on which date I want to buy

it, else it’s IMPOSSIBLE that I will achieve it.


Short-term and Long-term Goals

Not only should you set SMART goals, you should also set both short-term and

long-term goals.

Short-term goals are ones that you will achieve in the near future (e.g., in a day,

within a week, or possibly within a few months).

A short-term goal is something you want to do in the near future. The near future

can mean today, this week, this month, or even this year. A short-term goal is

something you want to accomplish soon.

Long-term goals are ones that you will achieve over a longer period of time (e.g.,

one semester, one year, five years, or twenty years).

A long-term goal is something you want to do further in the future. Long-term goals

require time and planning. Long-term goals usually take 12 months or more to

achieve.

Tips for Setting Long-Term Goals

a. Work backwards. Think about what you want to achieve then plan steps

going back to what you can do right now.

b. Create a picture of where you want to be in life 10 years from now.

c. Think about what you need to do in five years, in one year, and in six months

to get to your long-term goal.

d. Write down what you need to do each month to achieve your goals.

e. After each monthly goal is achieved, look at your goals and adjust them as

needed.

After explaining SMART Goals, Short Term and Long Term Goals, make the

aspirants to write down in their books with the help of the given format–

What is a SMART GOAL?

Help them to set their Short Term Goals and Long Term Goals in a SMART

way

Give lot of time to the aspirant to decide on the goals. Don’t rush and go around

and help aspirants to identify what they really want to achieve in life.


S.M.A.R.T. Goal

Your Goal:

Specific

What will the goal accomplish? How and why will it be accomplished?

Measurable

How will you measure whether the goal has been reached (list at least two indicators)?

Achievable

Is it possible? Have others done it successfully? Do you have the necessary knowledge,

skills, abilities, and resources to accomplish the goal? Will meeting the goal challenge you

without defeating you?

Realistic

What is the reason, purpose, or benefit of accomplishing the goal? What is the result (not

activities leading up to the result) of the goal?

Time Bound

What is the established completion date and does that completion date create a practical

sense of urgency


After the activity explain the following –

Chasing Goals: 3 V Formula to achieve Goals

Goal setting is a continual process, and it calls for a strong sense of priority and

self-confidence. Start with easy, short-term goals that you know you can meet

fairly quickly. This will give you the satisfaction of accomplishment. Evaluate what

your goals are for the next two to five years.

Verbalize your goals to a friend or colleague. Visualize your goals by seeing it in

your mind’s eye. Lastly, take the first step to accomplish your goal by vitalizing it.

This is called the three "V's": Verbalize, Visualize, Vitalize. You can achieve

anything you want if you follow this process. It is truly been the reason for the

accomplishment of most people's goals.

3 V’s you should follow:

VISUALIZE your Goal: Imagine yourself how your life would be after ach

VERBALIZE your Goal: Speak/Tell to people you will be having this by this

date, tell yourself I will have this by this date.

VITALIZE your Goal: Feel your living your Goal, feel your having what you

have always wanted to have.

You verbalize what you want to believe. Then visualize yourself or your situation as

if it has already happened. Adding the emotion that you would feel if what you

affirmed were truly so will, in turn vitalize you.

To Verbalize is to use affirmations (words); Visualizing utilizes the imagination, and

to Vitalize is to experience the emotion as if it has already happened.


WHY DO GOALS FAIL

"We put more focus on how, when or why to start our goals but almost none on

how to maintain them."

Three main reasons:

1. Setting too many goals at once. In other words, no focus.

2. Not scheduling time to work on our goals. We set time for everything else in

our lives- why shouldn’t we set time for ourselves to follow our dreams?

3. Not coming up with an action plan. I could spend countless hours planning

everything in my head but I really need to start writing everything down.

The other reasons why Goals fail:

Avoid these roadblocks and goal attainment will be yours.

1. Fear of success and/or failure.

Some people are afraid they will fail or, even worse, that they may actually

succeed. As such, they don’t even bother trying to attain a goal. Such people lack

belief in them and in their potential. In their mind, if they fail, everyone will think

negatively of them. And if they succeed, people will be envious and think negatively

of them. But realize that you can achieve anything you set your mind to. Believe in

yourself and your abilities and others will, too.

2. Lack of understanding about the goal-setting process.

Many people mistakenly believe that goal setting simply means putting a goal on

paper, setting a date for completion, marking off checkpoints as they occur and

then starting all over again. Such a mentality hinders people from success, because

a goal isn’t a one-time thing that you eventually scratch off a list. Setting a goal is

really about changing yourself for the long-term. Goals are fixed and immovable

destinations that show the world who you want to become or what you want to

achieve.


3. Lack of commitment to the goal.

Even though people state they want to achieve a certain goal, in truth, they’re

really not committed to it. Because of this lack of commitment, they don’t give the

act of goal attainment their full effort. And as with anything in life, if you don’t give

it your all, you receive mediocre results. Commitment is crucial for attaining any

goal.

4. Inactivity.

After setting a goal, writing down dates and setting checkpoints, some people stop.

They never actually take that first step needed to progress toward their goal. But

realize if you don’t get started, you can’t go anywhere. Without action, nothing

happens. So if you’ve created a goal list and now wonder why none of your goals

are transpiring, ask yourself what action steps you’ve taken to achieve your goals.

If you haven’t taken any action, now is the time to start.

5. Lack of a real destination.

People often begin setting goals without a solid destination of who they want to

become or what they ultimately want to achieve. But if you don’t have a destination

in mind, then you’ll never know which road to take to get where you want to go.

Your destination needs to be clear – something you can visualize and describe to

others. Without such a clear view of what you want in life, you’ll be forever

changing course and falling short of your potential.

6. Failing to plan.

While many people understand the formula of goal setting, they don’t have a plan

for goal attainment that’s personalized to them and their experiences. In other

words, they neglect the gifts they possess which can help them attain the goal, as

well as the people they know who may be able to help them. We each bring so

many unique talents and attributes to the table, and we know a multitude of people

who can help us in some way. Be mindful of these advantages during your planning

process and use the resources you have available to you.


7. Having too many goals.

Some people have too many goals and not enough focus. It’s like they’re standing

in front of a dart board with three targets in mind. Hitting just one target is difficult

enough; hitting three targets simultaneously with one dart is impossible. Therefore,

determine the one goal you are focused on and move forward with that one goal

only. Eliminate other goals that are secondary. This is not to say that you should

never have more than one goal. Rather, you need to realize that you have only so

much time and energy. Therefore, choose the goal that will give you the highest

ROE (return on effort) and focus on that one goal first. Once complete, you can

then focus on other goals in sequence.

8. Feeling unworthy of the end result.

Some people really don’t believe they’re worthy of attaining the goal. As such, they

self-sabotage themselves. Perhaps they suddenly walk away from the key contact

that will help them with their goal, or they neglect to do a critical activity that will

enable them to achieve their goal. People who feel unworthy usually lack self-

confidence, and confidence is the keystone to goal attainment.

9. Lack of motivation to change.

Finally, many people are simply satisfied with what they have and where they are in

life. As such, they don’t explore what else is available or what greater things they

could achieve. Research tells us that there are only two motivating factors that

cause people to change: pain and pleasure. And even if someone is feeling pain in a

situation, that pain may not be great enough, or he or she is simultaneously

receiving ample pleasure, so the person doesn’t strive for more. Change and goal

attainment only happen when you’re ready to break the status quo and truly want

something better in life.



Goal setting is an important method of:

Deciding what is important for you to achieve in your life

Separating what is important from what is irrelevant

Motivating yourself to achievement

Building your self-confidence based on measured achievement of goals

You should allow yourself to enjoy the achievement of goals and reward yourself

appropriately.

Ev e ry body ha s dre a m s a nd m ost pe ople ha v e goa ls. If y ou w a nt y our

goa ls a nd dre a m s t o be com e re a lit y , y ou m ust m ov e t ow a rd t he m

consist e nt ly a nd purpose f u lly . The m ore y ou conce nt ra t e on shor t -

t e rm goa ls, t he m ore lik e ly y ou a re t o re a ch y our dre a m or v ision.

Y ou should a lso re v ie w short -t e rm goa ls on a pe r iod ic ba sis, m a k ing

sure t he y a re le a ding y ou t ow a rd y our f ina l goa l.

COMMUNICATION

Communication - the human connection--is the key to

personal and career success.

Paul J. Meyer


COMMUNICATION

Communication is not a single act but a process involving various elements. The

process involves the sending and receiving of messages. Successful living requires

effective communication skills. Learners communicate using various elements

within the process of communication. Examining communication in life skills it is

important that you focus on the process, methods, barriers, and listening skills in

your day to day interactions with other learners through technology, speech, drama

and gestures in your learning environment.

As you go through life the success of your interactions will depend mainly on how

you communicate. This module will enable the aspirants to develop their

competences to help them communicate effectively in real life situations.

LEARNING OBJECTIVE: To make the aspirants –

Acquire skills for self management and effective communication and apply these to

their life.

Demonstrate an understanding of the process of communication

Examine the advantages and disadvantages of the various methods of

communication.

Identify the various barriers to communication.

Use the appropriate approaches for communication.

Develop appropriate behaviors to improve the quality of their relationships.




3. Lecture


ICE BREAKER: Bath – Batho – Batho Batho

Do what I say, Not what I do

Steps:

Make the aspirants to line up next to each other, and be in front of them.

Rule of the Activity: When said -

Bath – The hands should be down beside your legs.

Batho – The hands should be in front of you raised.

Batho Batho – The hands should be above you raised to the sky.

Tell them to do what you say and not what you do. Whoever does the opposite will

be out of the game. The last person left will be the winner.

THE APPROACH TO COMMUNICATION

Activity 1: Passing the Message

Instruction:

Ask the aspirants to form a circle. The facilitator will whisper a short, 2-3 sentence

tale into the ear of one of the aspirant. He/she will then whisper what they heard

into the ear of the person next to them, and so on. The last person, seated beside

the first person to pass on the tale will say what they heard out loud. Inevitably,

the tale will differ greatly from the original, and will cause a few laughs!

Debrief:

Why did the tale change so much from the original?

What does this teach you about communication?

(Listen, speak clearly, and ask questions if you don’t understand)


After the activity ask the aspirants and note down the answer:

Why do we communicate?

You might expect the below answers-

We communicate to:

have fun

express our feelings and thoughts

help others

learn more about ourselves

learn more about others

share the world with others

learn about the world around us

relax from the rigors of life

persuade and influence others

test and resist influence of other people on you

After noting down the responses start the session:

Communication is the ability to interact with others in the process of expressing,

forming and maintaining relationships. It involves listening; maintain conversations,

understanding and expressing your feelings. By so doing desired relationships are

formed through the formulation of verbal and non-verbal messages. The quality of

the communication often determines the quality of a relationship.

Process of Communication

Communication is interactive. The understanding of the message depends on the

context in which ideas and feelings are shared.

There are four main skills in the communication process:

1. Listening - an active process involving selecting, attending to, creating

meaning from, remembering and responding to verbal and non-verbal

messages.


2. Questioning - checking facts, gaining further information and build rapport

to explore opinions or attitudes.

3. Clarifying - the process of simplifying, explaining, spelling out, shedding

light on or making clear the message received.

4. Responding - an appropriate reaction to the message received.

Communication can help you recognize and realize your potential. Hence great

importance has been placed on the process and its use.

Ask the aspirants the following question

Why then is the process of communication so important?

After the response explain the process.

The process of communication is important as human beings need to make sense

of their environment and share that sense with others by creating meaning through

the use of verbal and non-verbal messages. Learning how to understand and

improve communication will improve relationships with family, friends, colleagues

and loved ones that will ultimately enhance physical and emotional health and well

being.

The image below depicts the communication process –


The image illustrates the following:

Sender - person who is sending the message to another person

Receiver - person who receives the message from the sender

Encode - is a technique which the sender uses to send the message into

language, symbols or signals

Message - is the idea or information that the sender wants to pass on to the

receiver

Channel- is the means by which the message is sent through either verbal

or non-verbal

Decode - the receiver interprets and translates the sender’s message

Responding- is the way in which the sender or receiver reacts to the

message

Feedback - is the receiver’s reaction to the message received, this may be

verbal or non verbal

Communication is a complex process of creating and sharing meaning that involves

at least two persons with a common understanding of the message. Communication

involves a process of sending and receiving of messages. The breakdown in this

process negatively affects the quality of relationships.

The elements of communication involve:

The origin of thoughts or emotions

The transfer of feelings, thoughts or actions

A message

The way in which the message is sent

The understanding of the feelings, thoughts or actions within the message

received.

Discuss with the aspirants on the following – Write down the list on the board

List the barriers which make communication difficult or unsuccessful?


Barriers to Communication includes a range of physical, mental or emotional

hindrances which can prevent messages from being passed on successfully between

sender and receiver during the process of communication.

Examples of these barriers include language, physical, emotional, mental, cultural,

situational, contextual and experiential.

Communication is unsuccessful when there is a breakdown between the sender and

the receiver. The breakdown occurs when there is a barrier to the communication

process, resulting in misunderstandings and sometimes frustration. These barriers

can be physical or cultural and include distractions, overpowering emotions, lack of

clarification, improper feedback, as well as a difference in perception. Effective

communication takes place when there is a common understanding and acceptance

of the message between the sender and receiver.


Components of Effective Communication

Always use the pronoun 'I' to express your feelings about something or

someone

Accept feelings. Respect a person’s right to express his/her emotions in an

appropriate way

Be a good listener in order to acknowledge other people's feelings

irrespective of how they have been communicated.

Be sure to communicate clearly so that you can be understood.

Be assertive. Be sure you stand up for what you believe in without hurting

the other person’s feelings.

ARE YOU LISTENING?

Activity 3:

Materials:

Prepared cards

Objective: To demonstrate the role of listening in communication.

Steps:

Give the following instruction to the aspirants:

1. Ask the aspirants to form groups of three. Ask each group to decide who will

be the speaker, the listener and the observer.

2. Ask the aspirants in each category to form separate groups far from one

another for a briefing on their roles.

Give each listener one written instruction from the below list to follow:

Listen carefully and ask relevant questions at an appropriate time

Interrupt and prevent the speaker from finishing his/her sentences

Change the subject frequently

Compliment the speaker frequently

Put the speaker down


Laugh when the speaker is serious

Talk to someone else while the speaker is talking

Look around the room and appear distracted while the speaker is talking

Give advice you weren’t asked for

At least one of the listeners should get the first instruction from the above list.

Instruct the speakers to think of something they feel strongly about, or like to

talk about, and to be prepared to speak on this topic for 3 minutes when they

return to the group.

Ask the observers to silently note all interactions between the listener and the

speaker. Remind them that they should remain silent.

At the end of the 3 minutes, ask the aspirants to reconvene in plenary.

Discuss their reactions to the exercise, what happened in each group and how they

felt. First ask the observer to explain, then the speaker and finally the listener may

reveal the instructions.

Debriefing:

Did you feel that the listeners were listening?

How does it make you feel when someone doesn’t listen to what you are

saying?

The facilitator should write down all responses on board or flip-chart paper for

everyone to see.

Listening is a process that involves selecting, attending to, constructing meaning

from and remembering verbal or non-verbal words and sounds in order to respond.

Listening starts with you. To become an effective listener you have to open your

ears, shut your mouth and open your heart. Listen to what people are saying

versus simply hearing them; you will learn a lot about yourself in the process.


Effective listening skills require that you;

Repeat what is said to you

Write it down

Maintain eye contact

provide non-verbal cues

Avoid outside distractions

Listen from the heart

Practice-practice

Mirror body language

Ask clarifying questions

Listening involves:

a) Selecting

b) Attending

c) Understanding

d) Remembering and

e) Responding


Activity 4:

Look at the pictures 1 to 4 below and identify what is good or bad listening skills.

Write answers in boxes. Discuss the outcomes.

Elements of listening

Stop whatever activity you are engaged in and give the speaker your full

attention (stop watching TV, Stop reading.)

Look at the person; do not turn away from the speaker.

Keep a good distance between you and the speaker.

Sit-up straight.


Nod your head and make statements such as “I understand," and "I see what

you mean" to show the speaker you truly understand what he/she is saying.

Indicate to the speaker if you do not understand. Do not fake listening.

Repeat back phrases to clarify what the speaker is saying.

Show interest and ask questions to show that you are interested in what the

speaker is saying.

Do not interrupt the speaker.

Activity 5: Pair Work

Divide the aspirants into pairs and give them the following situation for discussion.

Think of an instance when you attempted to share some deep feelings with

someone regarding an important issue.

How successful were you in getting the listener to understand your feelings?

What was the outcome of this interaction?

Reflect on what you liked and what you did not like.

Share with your partner your honest feelings about the discussions. Describe what

went well and what was difficult – interruptions, comments, affirmations.

A s hum a n be ings, w e ha v e a na t ura l t e nde ncy t o f ilt e r inf orm a t ion

w e he a r . A ll t oo of t e n w ha t w e he a r is not w ha t w a s sa id . List e n ing

should be conce rne d w it h cont e nt f irst a nd f e e lings se cond List e n ing

is a pa ssiv e a ct ion . O ur pe rsona lit y p la y s a n im port a nt ro le in h ow

w e ll w e list e n .

The se sk ills lik e t hose o f se lf -e x pre ssion , ca n be le a rne d, pra ct ice d

a nd m a st e re d . O ur socie t y p la ce s m uch m ore a t t e nt ion on t he spok e n

side o f t he com m unica t ion e qua t ion , but if y ou t h ink a bout w ho

in f lue nce s y ou, a re t he y good t a lk e rs or good list e ne rs? A s w e com e

t o unde rst a nd ourse lv e s a nd our re la t ionships w it h ot he rs be t t e r , w e

re d iscov e r t ha t com m unica t ion is not just sa y ing w ords; it is cre a t ing

t rue unde rst a nding .

Emotional Intelligence

Emotions are temporary states of mind; don’t let them permanently

destroy you!


Emotional Intelligence

LEARNING OBJECTIVE:

To make your aspirants know what are emotions.

Make them understand what are positive emotions and negative

emotions.

Make your aspirants understand how to control emotions and handle the

situations.


1. Creating interest in the topic with questions from real life examples


3. Story – How to control emotions

4. Examples on emotions from daily life

5. Examples about successful people

Start the session with the questions using real life examples.

1. After completion of your course you got a job in a well famed

company with a salary of nearly Rs.8000. What would be your

feeling?

Wait for the response from the aspirants. Their responses will be e.g.: Very

Happy, Excited etc… Now ask the second question.

2. You are a good hard worker. You prepared well for the

exam/Interview. You have even spent full night for your

preparation but unfortunately you failed in the selection. What

would be your feeling?

Wait for the response from the aspirants. Their responses will be e.g.: sad,

very bad, depressed, upset etc…

Now ask the aspirants

1. How will you define happiness, sadness, excitement and

depression?



If they respond by saying feelings

Say very good………..

If they are unable to respond then you inform them that those are feelings

for a moment which is nothing but emotions.

DISCUSS ABOUT EMOTIONS:

The situations in our lives make us happy, sad, excited, frustrated, fearful,

angry etc…but do they stay permanently with us?…………You will feel sad for a

moment if you failed in some subject or interview . You will feel sad for a

moment or for a day or for two days etc…, but not for your entire life. These

fleeting feelings make your normal mental condition to abnormal mental

condition and will control you. These are emotions.

Emotion builds on momentum. The more you let it dwell, the stronger it gets.

The more time you give it, the wilder it gets.

Now tell them about positive and negative emotions using the following

examples.

1. If your facilitator appreciates your work. you will feel very happy

2. If your facilitator criticizes you on your response to her /his question. Will

you feel happy? (R) No… so you feel bad and you will get angry on your

facilitator. You will never try to put out your thoughts before your

facilitator because of a fear of that facilitator. You will feel shy among your

friends. Right!!! ……..(R) yes.

3. If you ask your father to buy a new bike for you. If you get negative

response from your father what will you feel about your father…….Angry

and you won’t talk to him for some time till you get your things, or get

over your anger.

4. You are a good aspirant who knows something about the topic but what

stops you from voicing your thought ………..nothing but fear! What others

may think about me if I am wrong.

The feelings you get are based on the situation which makes you happy,

active, positive, angry, fearful or rejected etc...


If the emotions provide you comfortable situations in the society, and

strengthen your relationships with the people around you, you label those

emotions as Positive emotions.

If the emotions provide you discomfort and you are unable to get the things

done then you label those emotions as Negative emotions.

Tell the story of little boy

Once upon a time there was a little boy who was talented, creative,

handsome, and extremely bright. He is a natural leader. The kind of

person everyone would normally have wanted on their team or project.

But he was also self-centered and had a very bad temper. When he got

angry, he usually said, and often did, some very hurtful things. In fact,

he seemed to have little regard for those around him, even friends. So,

naturally, he had few. “But,” he told himself, “That just shows how

stupid most people are!

As he grew, his parents became concerned about this personality flaw,

and pondered long and hard about what they should do. Finally, the

father had an idea. And he struck a bargain with his son. He gave him a

bag of nails, and a BIG hammer. “Whenever you lose your temper,” he

told the boy, “I want you to really let it out. Just take a nail and drive it

into the oak boards of that old fence out back. Hit that nail as hard as

you can!”

Of course, those weathered oak boards in that old fence were almost as

tough as iron, and the hammer was mighty heavy, so it wasn’t nearly as

easy as it first sounded.


Nevertheless, by the end of the first day, the boy had driven 37 nails

into the fence (That was one angry young man!). Gradually, over a

period of weeks, the number dwindled down. Holding his temper

proved to be easier than driving nails into the fence! Finally the day

came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He felt mighty proud

as he told his parents about that accomplishment.

“As a sign of your success,” his father responded, “you get to PULL

OUT one nail. In fact, you can do that each day that you don’t lose

your temper even once.”

Well, many weeks passed. Finally one day the young boy was able to

report proudly that all the nails were gone.

At that point, the father asked his son to walk out back with him and

take one better look at the fence. “You have done well, my son,” he

said. “But I want you to notice the holes that are left. No matter what

happens from now on, this fence will never be the same. Saying or

doing hurtful things in anger produces the same kind of result. There

will always be a scar. It won’t matter how many times you say you’re

sorry, or how many years pass, the scar will still be there. And a verbal

wound is as bad as a physical one. People are much more valuable

than an old fence. They make us smile. They help us succeed. Some

will even become friends who share our joys, and support us through

bad times. And, if they trust us, they will also open their hearts to us.

That means we need to treat everyone with love and respect. We need

to prevent as many of those scars as we can.”


The Facilitator needs to ask the following:

1. What do you understand from the above story?

2. “But,” he told himself, “That just shows how stupid most people

are! What made him to think like this?

3. What matters to you most?

4. Do you think controlling anger is bigger than what matters most?

5. Do you want to leave a scar on the people around you?

6. Do you want to live with the family of the world or want to live

alone?

DEBRIEF HOW TO CONTROL ANGRY:

Every one of us has our own set of values and standards. These standards

govern every part of our lives. These are the behaviors/actions that we set as

acceptable or not for ourselves and others. When one of the standards is

violated by yourself or someone else, you will feel angry (at the other person or

at yourself) and/or guilty (of yourself).

To deal with anger, you have a few choices;

1. Evaluate whether you misinterpreted the situation. If so, the fact is that no

value has been violated.

2. If someone else violated your value, know that your standard may not be

standard for others. Just because something is right for you, does not mean it is

right for everyone else. Everyone has their own set of values; the person

probably has no idea that they violated one of your values. Follow up by

communicating to the person neutrally about the importance of that standard for

you. This will ensure that it never happens again.

3. Accept that you have violated one of your values, and vow never to do it

again. Brainstorm ways to prevent it from happening again, and how you would

deal with it if you are caught in the same situation in the future.

When you start getting upset about something, take a moment to think about

the situation. Ask yourself:


How important is it in the greater scheme of things?

Is it really worth getting angry over it?

Is it worth ruining the rest of my day?

Is my response appropriate to the situation?

Is there anything I can do about it?

Is taking action worth my time?

To further drive the point of understanding the emotion, “anger” in a better

way, ask the aspirants to think through these questions in an objective way (as

a third person). When they feel angry:-

'Hmmm...What is going on here?'

'Now I wonder what just happened.’.

'What is this person feeling?'

'Hmmm...What are his emotions now?'

Do this in a very objective and questioning manner. Don't make it personal,

observe yourself from afar. Be curious and really wonder what is going through

him/her right now. A tip would be to use a questioning tone while asking those

questions. This helps a lot in taking the energy and focus out of the emotion and

replacing it with a genuine curiosity to know more.

The final step is deciding how to respond & what action to take.

'Now that I have figured what's going on and why is it happening, what should I

do about this?'

'What can I do, that will help me to get what I want instead of expressing anger?

'How can I communicate this better to others?' (When the source of the problem

is poor communication)

'What is the best way to respond to this?'


All the efforts of the prior steps come down to this outcome, the manner in

which we respond. We want to control our emotions so that we can respond to

something in our usual competent manner. By disassociating and controlling

emotions, it helps us to come up with a good objective response, and also gives

us the calmness and objectivity to carry out the desired actions well.

No matter how you answer those questions, be rest assured that the solutions

that you come up with will be objective. Because you were not driven by your

emotion, you assessed the situation with a clear mind.

Ask the aspirants if they have experienced the following situations in their life.

1. What made you stop from expressing your opinion or idea to

your facilitator in your class?

2. What made you stop from telling your examination results to your

parents?

3. What made you stop from telling to your parents that you have

done something wrong?

Wait for the response from your aspirants.

If they respond like fear, say very good………..

If they are unable to respond then you tell them that it is fear that stopped

you from expressing, share your problems, ideas etc…in some situations even

people who you know so well like your parents.

Now ask the aspirants the following questions

What is fear?

They may respond by saying it feels like sweating, shivering, tension etc..,

Now tell to the aspirants that those are all outputs of fear but those are not

fear. So ask again what is fear?

Now they will be unable to respond to your question..


Fear stops you from expressing your feelings, your ideas and your

uncomfortable situations with your beloved ones……..

DISCUSS HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR:

An unpleasant emotion caused by our own belief that someone or something is

dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat………..

We create a negative, imagined scenario about the future. Here’s the truth:

you don’t know what is going to happen, so these thoughts can’t possibly be

true. Buy into these thoughts, and you are inviting limitation. Let them float

on by, and you will see what is actually true for you.

When the truth is that we don’t know what is going to happen. Become

comfortable with not knowing so that fear doesn’t rule you.

When you do it often enough, you will no longer be afraid in that particular

situation. You will have faced the unknown and you will have handled it. Then

new challenges await you, which certainly add to the excitement in living.

With each little step you take into unknown territory, a pattern of strength

develops. You begin feeling stronger and stronger and stronger.

This should be a relief. You are not the only one out there feeling fear.

Everyone feels fear when taking a step into the unknown. Yes, all those people

who have succeeded in doing what they have wanted to do in life have felt the

fear - and did it anyway. So can you!


Start the failure topic with the following story and discuss the story

Edison was a poor student. When his schoolmaster called Edison

as "addled," or slow. His furious mother took him out of the

school and proceeded to teach him at home. Edison said many

years later, "My mother was responsible for making me. She was

so true, so sure of me, and I felt I had someone to live for,

someone I must not disappoint." At an early age, he showed a

fascination for mechanical things and for chemical experiments.

When Thomas Edison was seeking to invent the electric light

bulb, he didn't get it right for the first time. Did he immediately

throw a 'wobbly' and say, "I'm a big fat failure!"? Did he throw

his arms up in the air and sigh, "This is just too hard? I give

up!"? Did he grab a bottle of booze and become an alcoholic and

live in his memories, slurring to his fellow street bums, "I *hic!*

tried to invent *hic!* the electric light bulb once *hic!* .... But it

didn't work *hic!* out... life sucks."?

No. No. No!

When it didn't work for the first time, Edison made a note of

exactly what he'd done and what components he had used. Then

he made an adjustment to the experiment and tried again. And

when that "failed" he made a note of that, readjusted and tried

again. He kept learning from every experiment. He learned all the

ways that it wouldn't work. He discovered all the chemicals and

elements that wouldn't work. And each time he found a way that

wouldn't work; he knew he was closer to finding a way that

would work.


Pause for some time and let the aspirants think about the story

Now ask them the following questions with discussions….

What do you understand from the story?

Wait for the response from the aspirants.(R)might be like “Edison tried

10,000 times to see his success…..say Very good……….to the aspirants.

Now ask the following question

What is the big failure in your life that made you feel - sad, cry,

fear, cut down the relationships ………?

Wait for the response from the aspirants Example of (R) Passing

intermediate, not getting required job/position in the office………Now ask

the below question……….

Did you try it again to succeed?

Wait for the response from the aspirants Example ( R ) They may tried or

they may not tried…say good if the ( R) is tried with some efforts then

ask the B question.If the ( R) is not tried then ask A question

A. How many times you tried?

B. What stopped you to try it one moretime?

It took him approximately 10,000 experiments to invent the perfect set-

up for the electric light bulb. There was a lot of learning to go through.

Nobody had done it before. He couldn't read a book about it. He simply

had to plug away, failing and learning, until he and his muckers worked

out the right way to do it.


You know what you are and your efforts? and your parents know what you

are then why worry about people judging’s?

Think ones whether the judging of the people makes you reach your

success or dragging far from your near step to success.

You and your efforts are important for you to reach your success.

You must not disappoint your parents who are eagerly waiting to see your

success.

Wait for the response from the aspirants. And now ask the question below

Do you ever think who is responsible for your failure?

Wait for the response from the aspirants. And now ask the question

below.

Have you found what are the wrong steps you have taken during

your efforts and trails?

DISCUSS HOW TO OVERCOME FAILURE:

Look at failure not as something to be feared, but merely as a stepping stone

to success. If a person goes through life having never failed at anything then

how can they possibly appreciate what they have? Failure to be able to do

something leads to invention of a way to get around an obstacle or a way to

conquer the problem. Without first failing how can one learn to be successful?

Look at nature do you think that a lion can reach a certain age and just fall

into being successful at hunting or do you think that it learns from watching

its mother hunt and fail and succeed and by failing himself he learns the right

way to hunt and lives to breed himself?

Do you feel fear about the people or society who judges your failure? It won't

be long time because they're too busy worrying about their own failures.


Everyone hates to fail but what most people don’t realize is that failing is part

of success. Anyone who has ever succeeded has failed many times. So, how

do you overcome failure?

1. Learn from your mistakes and failures.

How did you learn to ride a bike? The short answer: you fell off 100 times.

Every time you make a mistake or fail, learn as much as you can from it so

that you are better prepared next time.

Action Step: Write down the top five things that you learned from your last

mistake or failure.

2. Don’t dwell on it.

Now that you have learned something from your mistake, move on. Don’t

dwell on your past. You can’t tell where you are going if you are looking

backwards. Also, dwelling on your past failures will keep you in prison right

where you are.

Action Step: Write down the top 5 things you want to try in the future.

3. Don’t be afraid to try again.

Don’t let the fear from your last failure stop you from reaching your greatness,

goal, dream, or potential. Just like learning to ride that bike, you didn’t fall

once or twice and then give up.

Action Step: Take what you have learned and try it again now that you are

better prepared.

4. Think about worse case scenarios.

If you don’t succeed, what will the outcome be? Is it something so terrible or

is it something manageable? Often when we look at things in this perspective

we realize it’s not as bad as we think and this alone helps mitigate some of the

fear.

Action Step: Write out the absolutely worst case scenario your imagination

can come up with. Ask yourself, can I handle this if it happens? If yes, move

forward with it.


5. Take baby steps.

If your fear is extreme or truly preventing you from moving forward or making

those much needed changes in your life, don’t jump in full force, take it a bit

slower and get your feet wet a little bit at a time. This sometimes eases you

into an opportunity; depending on the situation this may not be possible, but if

it is, it can help ease the transition.

Action Step: Write out all of the small steps it will take for you to achieve

your next goal.

6. Tell yourself “I can do this!” (And believe it.)

Yes, you may have failed at something in the past, but that doesn’t mean you

will fail again. Even if it’s an attempt at something you’ve never tried, keep in

mind the age old saying “nothing ventured, nothing gained”. If you fail you

can say at least you took that chance; if you never even tried, you lose, but

it’s worse than failing because you’ll never have made the attempt. Keep

positive and give it your best shot, because reaching a level of confidence is a

definitive measure of success.

Action Step: Go to a mirror right now and say out loud, “I can do anything I

put my mind to. I can do it; I can do it, IF I put my mind to it.”

7. Surround yourself with positive people.

No matter what it is that you are trying to achieve, surround yourself with

successful people that have done what you want to do. One of the best ways

to overcome failure is to learn how other people just like you overcame failure.

This will not only encourage you but give you the proof that it can be done.

Action Step: Find a person or a group of people who are successful and get

around them as soon as possible.

8. Talk to others (or read).

Reach out and communicate with others who have dealt with the same issue

you feel you’ve failed at. See what made them succeed and if they have any

tips. If anything, they’re likely able to offer some moral support so when the

going gets tough, you have some words of wisdom to fall back on.


If you don’t have anyone to talk to, get a book on the topic and learn from

someone who has been there and done that.

Action Step: Make a list of all the people you can talk with and all of the

books you can learn from.

9. Realize that failure is part of the learning curve.

Failure and mistakes aren’t fun but they are what help us learn to be great at

whatever it is we are trying to achieve. “There are no secrets to success. It is

the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” - Colin Powell

Action Step: Think back of a time where you succeeded. Then think how

many times you failed or made mistakes to get to that success.

10. Mobilize your fear.

Take your fears and make them work for you. Use them as the driving force to

conquer your hesitations by allowing them in to inspire and motivate you

rather than languish within you.

Overcoming fear is one of the biggest obstacles people have with change.

Change is intimidating, but much good can come from change, but you’ll never

know unless you try.

By not letting fear run the show, you can ultimately discover your fears are

conquered and you’ll have more confidence when the next big decision or

change arrives.

Teamwork

Coming together is a beginning.

Keeping together is progress.

Working together is success.

- Henry Ford


Learning objective:

By the end of the session aspirants

Will know that one plus one is always more than two

Will come to know every role is crucial

Will be able to realize that the team’s goal is more important than individual

goals.

Will come to know the very reasons we blame each other in a team and the

consequences of blaming others.

Will learn the qualities of a good team player




3. Activities

Start the session with the activities. Ask aspirants that are they interested to play

activity? Explain the activity with the instructions before the activity.

Instructions:

Ask aspirants to divide into two equal groups.

Show them starting point where first person in the team should stand

Ask them they should make a longest chain.

Ask them they can use all the resources which they have.

Brief them about the activity

Briefing:

A team which forms as longest chain would be the winner. Explain them they will

have 5min to make a longest chain.

Tell each group that the aim of this game is to make the longest chain. The chains

must be made of only the available resources which are being worn by the people

in the group. The team with the longest chain wins.


Now ask them to start the activity.

During the activity facilitator needs to be more observant to observe the behaviors

of the participants in each team. Participants’ behavior in everyday life would be

very much similar to the way they behave during the game. Hence it is very much

important to understand their behaviors and use the same during debriefing after

the game.

Possible behaviors:

Being over enthusiastic and take decisions at the last minute and cause

failure for the team (remember intention is to help the team win)

Blaming others for failure

Not building strategy even after providing some time

Not taking any action till someone asks to do so.

Giving priority to self than to team

Monitor the activity and check with links which teams do have. Ask them to come

into the class and let them settle down.

Debrief:

Ask aspirants following questions:

1. What did you understand from the game?

Wait till you get responses from the aspirants. List down all the points on the board

and discuss on the same.

2. What happened to other team could not make longest chain?

Give time to think and ask them to give answers. List down all the points and

discuss on the same with the aspirants.

Start the second activity. Ask are you interested to play one more activity?

Explain aspirants about the activity.

This is an excellent indoor Team Building challenge, where the team competes

against the clock, and with only limited resources must submit to achieve the tallest

results. Using only the materials provided, the team must build a free standing

tower, which must then stand without falling over.


Instructions:

Split the group into teams. Numbers in the team will participate according to

the size of the class.

Give each team sheets of newspapers equally.

Explain the game:

The objective of the game is to build the highest newspaper tower, using

only the newspapers.

The teams will be given a couple of minutes to strategize.

Once they are ready distribute the newspapers and allow them to start at the

same time.

During the process facilitator needs to be more observant to observe the behaviors

of the participants in each team. Participants’ behavior in everyday life would be

very much similar to the way they behave during the game. Hence it is very much

important to understand their behaviors and use the same during debriefing after

the game.

Possible behaviors:

Focusing only on building tower and forgetting to build the base

Not participating actively and waiting for instructions from other team

Not accepting the opinions of other team members

De-motivating team saying with an attitude of “anyway we will fail”

Focusing on others towers

Disturbing others teams

Giving priority to self than to team

Give the groups about 30 minutes or more. Measure how high each team’s

newspaper tower is. The team with the highest tower wins the game.

Debrief:

1. What are the learning of this exercise?


2. Write down on the board of aspirants sharing and discuss on the

same.

3. What were some of the things you did as a group?

4. How did you make decisions?

Explain:

Take the activity one and explain how team works to accomplish the tasks.

Now distinguish the team and team members. One team member in the team is not

performing, would definitely impact the team’s performance.

Better way to making aspirants to understand the importance of team work will be

defined by identifying the weakest links and co-operating them to accomplish the

tasks.

Take the activity two and explain how team works

When a team works well together as a unit they are able to accomplish more than

its individual members can do alone.

When members apply different skills they are often able to come up with a more

effective solution than one person working on the same problem.

Mutual support can have the benefit of encouraging people to achieve goals they

may not have realized they could reach on their own.

In order for teamwork to achieve the benefits, individual members must work well

together. They need to be able to put thoughts of their own accomplishments aside

to work for the benefit of the team.

Team should work for the objectives of the organizations.


Now explain some advantages of teamwork and ensure that each point should

reach the aspirants. Share the following points so that aspirants will understand

importance of Teamwork.

Advantages of Teamwork

Gives better end result with high quality performance from each team member.

Normally more input results in better thoughts and judgments and the overall

process is improved.

Team involves every person, his expertise and his responsibilities.

Execution of new ideas can be more effective and efficient.

It increases ownership with wider communication.

Shares information and increases learning in the team and in the whole

organization.

Provides more security and develops personal relationship in the context of

business operations.

A particular problem can be easily solved with more ideas at the same time.

Gives probability of solutions and can select the best one from those

possibilities.

It increases willingness of every member to take more risk.

Better understanding of the decision-making process.

People can share common goals and interests among others.

In a group, it is easier to examine the problems and identify various solutions.

A team can handle more difficult and complex problems in the workplace.

A group increases the accuracy of problem solving.

For single problem you get many solutions and they can be solved rapidly.

Now ask aspirants “do you want to become leader?”, if they say yes...ask “why

you want to become a leader, then ask them to become a leader what

qualities one should have?”

List down all the points on the board and discuss with the aspirants on the same

points.


Lead the session by adding following valid points to make aspirants understand

better about Good team leader.

How to Be a Good Team Leader

Listen to others. Even though you are the team leader and you make the

decisions, you should always ask people what their opinion is. Try to incorporate

them whenever it's feasible. You aren't a dictator.

Take in others' suggestions. When someone gives you an idea, work on it. Think

of how you can improve on it. A good leader is one that listens and not just talks.

Show the team you are flexible to consider their thoughts.

Include everyone. If some people are a little left behind, help them. Always try to

include them. Find a task for everyone no matter what their skill or level.

Encourage your team. Sometimes people are scared to try something and this is

where the leader comes in. You have to encourage your team mates and show

them that the task is possible, even if difficult, and try to make it fun for them.

Show them the positive results of their work.

Know what you are talking about. If your teammates are as confused as you

are, how will they know what to do? As the leader, you must do the research first,

or have the most information.

Pay attention to morale. A demoralized team won't function. You must set the

positive spirit, make the goals clear; show how the job is feasible and possible. No

one will work for an impossible goal.


Increase your self-awareness

If you are going to lead a team effectively, you need to have a high level of self-

awareness. Being self-aware is not about identifying all of your faults but about

understanding your motivators, your impact, what you do well and where you

struggle. When you are armed with these insights you start to build your team

from really strong foundations.

Be clear about what is to be delivered

Every team exists for a reason and ultimately it is to deliver some result or

contribution to business results. As the team leader, you need to understand

totally what is expected from the team and be able to effectively communicate it to

other team members.

Have an effective decision making process

Every team member might not agree 100% with every decision that is taken but on

the other hand they will find procrastination even more frustrating. Make sure that

for significant team decisions there is a clear process and criteria for reaching

decisions so that things keep moving forward.

Don’t ignore the deficiencies

It is incredibly difficult to deliver results through a team if you have deficiencies in

terms of resources, skills and expertise. At the same time, it can be incredibly

tempting to make do, especially if you know that the organization is facing

challenging times.

Don’t fall into the trap of ignoring deficiencies in the hope that they will go away.

Tackle them so that you keep progressing.

Remember to recognize team effort

It never ceases to amaze me just how few leaders take the time to recognize the

efforts and contributions of the team to deliver. If you are someone who falls into

this category, do something to create a habit of looking out for good things that the

team has tried or done and acknowledge them for their efforts.

Conflict Resolution

Are people fighting more these days, or does it just seem that

way? Whatever the case, learning to resolve conflicts can help

young people break down barriers, become leaders, and even

prevent deadly confrontations.

Peace cannot be kept by force;

It can only be achieved through understanding.

-- Albert Einstein


Learning objective:

Making Aspirant to understand what is Conflict

Brief aspirants to analyse the various causes for conflicts

Explain about Genesis of conflict

To make aspirants to manage conflicts and resolve




3. Role plays

4. Creating interest in the topic with the help of role plays

Start the session with the story to bring out conflicts

Aspirants Reflection Exercise

Ram feels that his manager, Shyam, does not keep him informed of what is

happening in the business. Ram works primarily offsite with customers and can

be away for long periods of time. Shyam promotes Shiva, Ram’s colleague,

based on his qualifications and experience.

Ram feels he missed out on the promotion he was expecting. He believes that

this is because he is not based in the home office on a full time basis and he has

been treated unfairly. He becomes mistrustful and negative towards his

manager.

Ram’s enthusiasm for the job starts to decrease. He does "what is necessary" to

get by at work. His commitment to the business is diminished. Shyam becomes

increasingly frustrated by Ram's attitude.

Shyam challenges Ram over a customer complaint, words are exchanged and

tempers flare.


DEBRIEF:

At the end of the story following questions must be raised by the facilitator to

initiate discussion in the classroom

Few questions for aspirants

1. What are the reasons for Ram’s performance get diminished?

2. What about relation between Ram and Shyam

3. What can be happened between Ram and Shyam?

To define meaning of Conflicts facilitator should conduct an activity

To help Aspirant identify the positive aspects of conflict as a necessary part of

effective communication, divide a large group into smaller groups of three to five

people. Challenge each team to define conflict using positive terms. After 10

minutes, ask one person from each team to present the team's definition. Ask

the entire group to vote on the best way to define conflict without negativity.

Activity

Facilitator should conduct an activity

Materials

Popsicle sticks, glue, construction paper, scissors, straws

Ask the Aspirant to give examples of when they need to cooperate--work

together--with others. Accept a variety of answers, and stress that almost

every job requires working with others.

Explain that cooperating involves a number of things, like being patient

and accepting differences. Ask the Aspirant for other characteristics

(communication, compromise). Explain that they are going to need to use

these skills for the following activity.


Have the Aspirant work in pairs. Each pair receives the same amount of

materials--50 Popsicle sticks, glue, Ask the Aspirant to make some kind of

creation with the materials. (They don't have to use all of the materials.)

Anything is acceptable, as long as each person in the pair contributes to

the creativity.

Allow 30 minutes for this part of the activity. Have Aspirant walk around

and look at the others' creations.

Back in the large group, discuss what compromise or discussions and

skills were required during the activity

At the end of the activity following questions must be raised by the facilitator to


1. Did you get angry or frustrated with your partner while doing this?

2. Did you like the way your project turned out?

3. What kind of voice did you use to tell your partner what to do?

4. What would you do differently next time?

Ask the aspirants “what did they understand what Conflict means? And then

explain the meaning and cuases.

Conflicts

When Facilitator asks aspirants to describe a conflict the first things It makes the

person feel. Frustrated… tired… angry… defensive… tense… guarded…

sad… These are all feelings very much associated with a conflict, regardless of

what the conflict is. It’s interesting too because once we start talking about

conflict and bringing up an example of a time when we experienced a conflict, I

see guards come up, walls being built, physical discomfort, and can feel the

tension in the room raise. It becomes very hard to talk about the situations

without feeling them again.


There are the main 5 causes of conflict.

Differing values can lead to

conflicts.

Making assumptions can lead to

conflicts.

Differing expectations can lead

to conflict.

Differences in the way you were

brought up can result in conflict

Knowledge and ability to deal

with conflict can result

in conflict.

1. Differing values can lead to conflicts.

When people have differing values, conflicts can result. If one of your personal

values in life is that your family comes first, and if your boss’ personal value is

that work comes first, conflict can be the result when they ask you to stay late

at work or to give up a planned family vacation due to project deadlines.

2. Making assumptions can lead to conflicts.

If the husband assumes that his wife will

have a hot meal waiting for him when he

gets home from work (after all he works so

hard at bringing home the Fried chicken)

and when that hot meal is not ready,

conflict between the husband and wife can

result.

When one person assumes anything about

another person, well you know the saying about when you assume anything. If

the wife assumes her husband will remember their anniversary every year (how

can he forget the most important date in their relationship, after all?) a conflict

can result when the husband not only doesn’t make special plans to celebrate

the day but doesn’t even remember that it is their anniversary.


3. Differing expectations can lead to

conflict.

In a family, parents have always different

expectations on their children. They want to

always intend their children should do

whatever they expect. Children are contrary in

their actions to parent’s expectations. These

expectations bring conflicts between Parents

and Children.

4. Differences in the way you were brought up can result in conflict.

The way that you were brought up, your religion, your gender, your race, and

your ethnicity can result in conflict with

people who are different than you.

If you are a woman born in the 1930′s and

who grew up during the Great Depression,

someone who was grew up during in the

free-loving 1970′s may have a conflict with

you regarding marriage and its vows.

Also, how many of us remember the Cold

War and grew up believing that a nuclear war was inevitable? How can we

relate that fear to today’s youth who have no concept of what it was to live

during those times?

We see this all the time between men and women, too. We say that a man can

act aggressive at work, but the same actions by a woman are viewed as her

being a worthless. Gender can play a major role in conflicts.

5. Knowledge and ability to deal with

conflict can result in conflict.

If you don’t know how to resolve conflict or are

unwilling to try to resolve conflict, this in itself


can conflict with someone else who has more knowledge and is more willing than

you are. If two nations are unwilling to resolve their differences, they are bound

to keep that conflict alive for future generations. We see this in the news every

day. Neither side is willing to give an inch to the other side nor so does the

conflict continue.


Conflict Resolution

Facilitator should introduce conflict and ask the questions to undersand conflict

resoulutions.

Conflict between a Teen and Parents:

You just got your driver’s license and you ask your dad if

you can borrow his bike on Friday night. He wants to

know where you plan on going, and you tell him that you

want to drive three of your friends to the movie theatre.

He quickly says ―No, you aren’t ready to drive a bike full

of loud teenagers.‖ You yell that he’s ―unfair‖ and is

―trying to ruin your life.‖ He says that now you have to wait a month before you

can borrow his bike for any reason.

Discussion Questions:

1. What would be a better way to respond to your dad after he said

you couldn’t borrow his bike on Friday? Why do you think he said

“no”?

2. How can you resolve the conflict, or at least ease your dad’s

anger? What can your dad do to resolve the situation?

The above exercise will make the aspirant to understand causes of conflicts and

realise them.

Questionnaire on knowing the aspirants conflict style

Acting Out Conflict – Tape Recorder Fight Role Play

Objectives - Aspirants will practice resolving conflicts.

Characters:

Aspirant 1: Wants to use the tape recorder


Aspirant 2: Is using the tape recorder

Scene: A classroom

Asp 1: Quick! I've got to use the tape recorder!

Asp 2: But I'm using it now. I'm listening to this story.

Asp 1: That's not important. We need it for this play we're doing.

Asp 2: Can I be in the play?

Asp 1: No-we already have enough people. There's no room for you.

Asp 2: (pauses) I'm using the tape recorder.

Asp 1: Don't be a jerk! You can listen to that story anytime. We really need it

now!

Asp 2: So do I.

Asp 1: No you don't. See if I do anything for you ever again. You slob! You pig!

You jerk!

Asp 2: Oh! I'm telling on you!

Asp 1: I'm telling on you too, creeps face!

After the role play ask the following questions for open discussion:

What makes the conflicts in the play go up?

What words can people say to indicate that they want to stop the fight

and try to solve the problem?

Have you ever had a conflict like this one? How did you resolve it?


What can we do to resolve conflict?

Conflicts may be the sources of defeat, lost life and a limitation of our

potentiality but they may also lead to greater depth of living and the birth of

more far-reaching unities, which flourish in the tensions that engender them.

There are 5 main conflict resolution scenarios.

1. Ignore the conflict.

If you have a tendency to avoid or postpone talking

about the conflict, you are trying to ignore it and

hope it goes away. This rarely works with serious

conflicts. If you want to leave a relationship

because of the conflict, that’s your choice. But,

putting your head in the sand and not dealing with

the problem means that you will not learn from the

experience either. What you fail to learn, you are

bound to repeat in other relationships.

2. Smooth over the conflict.

Do you try to accommodate the other person and suppress your desires?

Smoothing over any conflict just to avoid confrontation or dealing with both

sides of the argument can also result in a temporary reprieve. The conflict may

still be there, but resentment is also underlying as one person has given up their

values in order to smooth over the conflict.

3. Use your authority to settle the conflict.

This is the way that it’s going to be

because I said so! Parents say this all

the time to their children when they want

them to go to bed and the child wants to

stay up and watch TV.

Isn’t this the boss’ favourite way, too?

After all, they’re the boss and they have authority over you. Right? Yes? No?


How does it make you feel when someone has perceived authority over you and

tells you the way it’s going to be?

4. Negotiate a resolution to the conflict.

I love a good negotiation. You get what you

want and I get what I want. Most of the time

this works out really well. But with all

negotiation, I have to give up something and

so do you. If you want me to work this

weekend, then I want more money. You may

not want to pay me more money because it’s

not in the project budget, but that’s what I

want. If you don’t pay my rate, then you

don’t get what you want. I want to make more money, so you have to give me

something in return. Working on that cool upcoming project would be good, too.

5. Use collaboration to resolve the conflict.

This is your typical win-win scenario. Both parties win when they use

collaboration.But, collaboration only works when

people trust each other to come to a mutually

beneficial agreement. If you don’t trust the other

person (and it doesn’t have to be blind trust, either)

you won’t believe that they are coming to the table

to put an end to the conflict between you.

However, if trust is there, this conflict resolution

scenario can be the best way to resolve conflicts

once and for all. When both parties come together, communicate, and trust each

other a definitive resolution to their conflict can occur.


Activity

Ask the aspirants to give examples of when they need to cooperate--work

together--with others. Accept a variety of answers, and stress that almost every

job requires working with others.

Explain that cooperating involves a number of things, like being patient and

accepting differences. Ask the aspirants for other characteristics

(communication, compromise). Explain that they are going to need to use these

skills for the following activity.

Group of 4 to 5:

• Each group receives the same amount of materials- Newspaper, glue, one

pair of scissors, and A4 size paper.

• Ask the aspirants to make one interesting article from the newspaper.

Anything is acceptable, as long as each person in the group contributes to

the creativity.

• Allow 20-30 minutes for this part of the activity. Have aspirants walk

around and look at the others' creations.

• Back in the large group, discuss what compromise or discussions and

skills were required during the activity:

Did you get angry or frustrated with your partner while doing this?

Did you like the way your project turned out?

What kind of voice did you use to tell your partner what to do?

What would you do differently next time?

BE STRONG, BE MEANING, OR GIVE IN?

We meet situations every day in which they must decide how to balance

their own interests in relation to the interests of other people:

a. You want to be alone, but a friend wants to be with you. What do you do?

b. A classmate teases you or calls you a name. How do you respond?

c. You're walking along a busy city street with your mom and decide you

want an ice cream cone. You know your mom won't be enthusiastic about

the idea. How do you ask?


d. Your family is having a conversation around the dinner table, and you

have an opinion you'd like to state, but everyone is talking so fast. How

do you get people to listen to what you have to say?

e. An older kid says you have to give him the cake from your lunch or he'll

beat you up.

f. Two close friends ask you to join them in stealing money from another

kid's backpack.

g. Your younger brother keeps bothering you when you're trying to do your

homework.

In these situations, aspirants need to know that they have choices. They can go

on the attack. They can stand up for their interests or convictions. Or they can

give in, going along with the other person's request, even though they don't

want to. Adults call these choices "aggression," "assertiveness," and

"submission." With aspirant, we speak of being mean, being strong, and giving

in.Introduce the words "mean," "strong," and "giving in." The aspirants will

probably have a good idea of the usual meanings of these words. Elicit their

understandings.

Mean (Aggressive) = doing something to hurt another person (their body or

their feelings) or using force or threats to make somebody do something they

don't want to do.

Giving in (Submissive) = going along with what someone wants you to do

even though you'd rather do something else; and

Strong (Assertive) = being nice and respecting the other person while

standing up firmly for yourself (your rights, your interests)

Although we're partial to assertiveness, sometimes we'll agree to "give in" and

let a friend join us even if we really want to be alone. We may see that the

friend is feeling blue and needs some companionship; or perhaps the friend has

a compelling reason for spending time with us now — she's going away or has

something important to tell us. Sometimes we may need to be very firm to get

our point across to someone who just isn't getting it, and that person may

experience us as mean.

Time Management

You have to decide what your highest priorities are and

have the courage—pleasantly, smilingly, no

apologetically, to say “no” to other things. And the way

you do that is by having a bigger “yes” burning inside.

The enemy of the “best” is often the “good.”

- Stephen Covey


Learning objective:

Making Aspirant understand what is Time management

Help them discover their priorities for life.

To expose them to Stephen R covery’s Time Matrix

To help aspirants manage time effectively in everyday life for being more

effective.




3. Creating interest in the topic with the help of role plays

WOOD CUTTOR STORY:

Say:”Let me tell you about a person who is a woodcutter. His name is Ram"

Ram’s job is to cut trees. When he joined the company he used to cut 20 trees.

Then he gradually reduced to 18 trees and then slowly to 16 trees. He continued

to cut 16 trees everyday and continued for quiet sometime. Then a new

employee named David has joined the company. David started with cutting 16

trees. Then he gradually increased to cut 18 trees and now he cuts 20 trees

daily.

After a year, it was appraisal period. Ram was cutting 16 trees per day where as

David was cutting 20 trees per day.

The manager appreciates David and gives him increment. Ram was not given

any increment.

Now, if you were Ram what would you speak to the manager?

Wait for the response

If you were the manager what would you say to Ram?

Wait for the response

(In business people only needs results. First priority is results and second would be

Experience)


The Ram goes to the manager and says “How is David being able to cut 20 trees

per day.” The manager replies “Go and find out from David.” So, Ram goes to

David and ask him how is he able to cut 20 trees. David says “I do nothing, I

only sharp my saw”. Ram Say “I don’t have time to sharp my saw. When do you

get the time?” David replies saying “I take 10 mins break every hour, relax and

sharpen my saw.”

1. If I was Ram what is that I should be doing to produce more

results?

2. What is that so different between the 2 employees? What David has

done and what Ram has done?

Debrief:

It’s all about managing time. Can we Manage Time??? Wait for the aspirant’s

response. We can’t manage time. Time is the only thing you can’t get it back. So

Time Management is all about “Self Management”. We can only manage

activities in Time.

Now to understand and be effective in our time management, let’s first

understand about our roles in life.

Draw a line on the board and locate the years of birth and current year and

expected year to die (200 years from now could be good ideal and would also be

fun in the classroom)

1975 2013 2213

Roles I have played so far Top five roles I choose to play

Year of birth of

the aspirant

Year of death of

the aspirant

(expected to die) Current year


Do

Now ask the aspirants to draw similar line in their note book and list down the

roles they have played so far in their life under the heading “Roles I have played

so far”.. for example: son, friend, student, brother,……. (give some time for

writing)

Once done, ask them to identify five important roles they want to play in future

from now.

Cross verify the roles identified by some of the aspirants if they have identified

the roles properly, which means one of the roles they have identified should give

them access to achieve their goal.

If required correct them by explaining why one of the roles should be there to

achieve their goals.

Give the following example:

Here are my five roles:

1.

2.

3. Employee

4.

5.

Tell them “My goal is to become CEO, for that I should first be employee…”

Say:

Now ask aspirants to write down their time log and how they spend time. It is

the best way to track time usage.

Time log

My daily schedule:

Ask aspirants to start to write time log and explain them it

determines how we spend a typical 24-hour day:

Enter the every half an hour’s you spend on each activity.


Do:

Time Activity

6am to 6.30 Wake up

6.30am to 7.00 Gets fresh up

Ask aspirants to write till they go to bed. After finishing the time log ask

aspirants to discuss on what they have written. It actually defines the day

schedule of individual.

Now explain the aspirants how to overcome problems and maintain the time

with the help of the Time Matrix model and tell them it enables us to prioritize

our activities and use their time more effectively. With the help of the model, we

can evaluate activities in terms of importance and urgency.

Say:

Time Matrix

Explain Time Matrix and its quadrants. And ask aspirants the following

questions:

1. What do you mean by Important?

Wait till you receive the responses from the aspirants and give your explanation

Important:

Important activities have an outcome that leads to the achievement of your

goals, whether these are professional or personal.

Now ask Aspirants the following question

1. What do you mean by Urgent?


Urgent:

Urgent activities demand immediate attention, and are often associated with the

achievement of someone else's goals.

Urgent activities are often the ones we concentrate on; they demand attention

because the consequences of not dealing with them are immediate.

Explain

Now explain Time matrix and how this model defines one’s self management.

And also this model enables us to prioritize our activities and use their time

more effectively. With the help of the model, we can evaluate activities in terms

of importance and urgency.


Explain:

Brief each quadrant by following explanation:

The activities in Quadrant 1 are both important and urgent. These include

deadline-driven tasks and important daily chores. The results of operating in this

Quadrant are stress, burnout and crisis management.

The activities in Quadrant 2 are important but not urgent. These activities are

characterized as preparation, planning, crisis prevention, and deadline-avoiding

tasks. Operating in this Quadrant will mean a manager having a proper

perspective, vision, balance, discipline, control and few crises

The activities in Quadrant 3 are not important but urgently press upon us and

interrupt our more important activities. These include responding to drop-in

visitors, phone calls, meetings, and mail that do not increase productivity and

effectiveness. Operating in this Quadrant will mean short-term focus, crisis

management, worthlessness of goals and plans, feeling of victimization and

broken relationships.

The activities in Quadrant 4 are neither important nor urgent. Busywork, time

wasters, junk mail, and some phone calls are the type of activities that are a

part of this quadrant. Operating in this Quadrant will mean total irresponsibility

and over-dependence on others in addition to outcomes in Quadrant 3.

Ask aspirants what they have understood from the explanation of quadrant

behaviors.

Now get the information from the aspirants and ask following questions

What could be the consequences if we operate from Q1?

Which quadrant really gives us time to accomplish the tasks?

Which quadrant we can delegate to someone else?

Which quadrant to be focused more to get results? And which should be

avoided?


Say:

To better understand the consequences of quadrants, explain following

quadrants and its results

The Time Management and Results

Urgent Not Urgent

Im

po

rta

nt

II

I Results

Results Vision, perspective

Stress Balance

Burn-out Discipline

Crisis management Control

Always putting out fires Few crises

No

t Im

po

rta

nt

III IV

Results Results

Short term focus Total irresponsibility

Crisis management Fired from jobs

See goals and plans as worthless

Dependent on others or institutions for basics

Feel victimized, out of control

Shallow or broken

relationships

Debrief:

Ask Aspirants to look into their goals and how best they are with the Time Matrix


Aspirants have to write their time log activities in the following quadrant for a

week and total the each quadrant.

Ask Aspirants to discuss:

For Example:

Timings Activity Q1 Q2 Q3 Q4

6am to 6.30 Fresh up

(Half n hour)

6.30 to

7.00Am

News Paper

Reading

7.00 am to

7.30

Watching TV

Total

Note: facilitator should take the above time log as his/her own example.

Say

If I wanted to become Head of the Department, ask question to aspirants

Am I doing correct? If they say no ask why?

Above segregation of time is depended on the individual Roles that what they

wanted to become. For example Ram wants be CEO in the organization, for him

reading news paper would come under Q4.

If Ram wants to become IAS officer, then reading paper would come under Q2

(He has to update his current affairs knowledge to appear competitive exams).


Questions:

1. What do you mean by productive Time management?

2. Where do you need to focus to alter your time?

3. Do you feel your usage of time is based on your roles?

Focus on Ideal way of Time Management.

Explain aspirant how best we can use quadrants tell them that Focus on

QII so that we can avoid our self from confused works like last moment

tasks.

Explain avoid the QIV completely and delegate some works which come

under QIII.

Explain aspirants that to produce the productive Time Management one should

follow the Ideal Time Management.

QI

QII

QIII QIV


Start the discussion in the classroom by asking following question to bring out

common Time management mistakes

1. How well do you manage your time?

2. When do we manage our time well?

3. What are the most common Time Management Mistakes?

List out the points from aspirant for Time management mistakes:

Mistake 1. Failing to Keep a To-Do List;

For example I don’t have any idea that I have to do certain things on particular

day.

Ask aspirants keep To-Do list is important? And ask them shall we implement

same?

Mistake 2. Not Setting Personal Goals:

Share the following example

If I don’t know that where I would like to be in the six months?

Failing to set goals for our self will determine the time management.

Mistake 3. Not Prioritizing.

We will fail in prioritizing our task when we don’t have goals in our life.

Mistake 4. Failing to Manage Distractions.

Ask aspirants that do you know that some of us can lose as much as two hours

a day to distractions? Think how much you could get done if you had that time

back!


Mistake 5. Procrastination.

Explain aspirants about Procrastination occur when you put off tasks that you

should be focusing on right now.

Mistake 6. Not Taking Breaks.

Explain aspirants about It's nice to think that you can work for 8-10 hours

straight, especially when you're working to a deadline. But it's impossible for

anyone to focus and produce really high-quality work without giving their brains

some time to rest and recharge.

Explain:

Brief aspirants one should focus on common mistakes, which really distracts our

day life and ultimately damage our Time management.

Money Management

“The single biggest difference between financial

success and financial failure is how well you

manage your money. It’s simple: to master

money, you must manage money”

T. Harv Eker Quotes from Secrets of the Millionaire Mind


Learning objective:

To make the aspirants -

Understand the value of saving money – “a penny saved is a penny earned”.

Realize the need of learning Money Management skills to manage money

wisely.

List some ways to save money.

Being in awareness to identify Money Management Techniques that lead to

financial security.




3. Creating interest in the topic with the help of stories.

Start the session by asking aspirants

Are you interested to listen to a story?

Jabulani’s Secret

A long time ago, there was a boy named Jabulani. One morning before

anyone had woken; he was walking along a dirt road watching the sunrise.

As he walked, he noticed an old deserted barn in the distance. Something

made Jabulani curious about this barn, and he began walking faster and

faster towards it. Once he had reached the barn, he could see that much of

its‟ wood had rotted and that it was in desperate need of repair. He gently

pushed the door open to look inside. Jabulani‟ s mouth dropped open and

his eyes stared wide with amazement. Jabulani‟ s curiosity had led him to a

magical place indeed. In the barn, there was an unusual machine that was

spitting out tiny bits of gold. Jabulani could not even begin to understand

how it worked, but was very certain, that gold was what he had found. He

quickly picked up as much gold as possible and went back to his

Jabulani continued to visit the old barn in those early hours of the morning

when everyone else was asleep. He continued to collect the gold made by

the unusual machine.


Now ask aspirants the following questions?

1. What did you understand from the jublani experience?

2. What do you think would be responsible way of managing your

money?

Debrief:

Remind participants that after they use some of their salary for important living

costs, they will have some money left over.

Explain the following:

This will be new money that they are not used to having - just like Jabulani‟ s

new-found gold.

It will be very tempting to spend all of this extra money on things that they have

always wanted to buy. They must not forget where the money is coming from. If

they want to continue having this money in their life, even if something happens

to themselves or their job, they must put some of it away for a rainy day as

SAVINGS.

With the gold, he bought many things for himself and gifts for his friends, but

he never told anyone where he got the money from - it was Jabulani‟ s

secret. Then one morning, as Jabulani approached the magical barn, he

noticed it looked different and very strange. As he got closer, he realised that

the barn had collapsed. The rotten wood had finally broken, and the barn had

crumbled into a messy heap of rubble. When Jabulani tried to recover the

magical machine he realised that the fallen wood had destroyed it. He felt

ashamed of how short-sighted he had been. He had become so preoccupied

with his new-found gold that he had not considered what he could do to

ensure it was always available. He could have easily used some of the gold to

buy some new wood for the barn. Had he taken better care of where his

money was coming from, it would still be there today. In all his life, Jabulani

never told his secret to anyone - he was too ashamed of the fool he had been

and never wanted to be reminded of those magical days that ended

unnecessarily.

dsddssdsd


Explain:

Ask questions which make them to think to realise.

What would happen to you in the future if you won’t save the money?

What are the sources for saving Money?

Now write down all the points which are shared by aspirants on the board.

Explain each point and suggest them which would be the right choice for them to

save.

Being Proactive

I am a responsible person. I take initiative. I choose my actions, attitudes,

and moods. I do not blame others for my actions. I do the right thing

without being asked, even when no one is looking.


PRO-ACTIVE

LEARNING OBJECTIVE:

To make the aspirants know the importance of being proactive.

Differentiate between proactive and reactive behaviours.

Help them to transform their behaviour from reactive to proactive

Differentiate between the Circle of Influence and the Circle of Concern.

Explain how to use the Pause-Think-Choose model.

Apply the Pause-Think-Choose model to focus on their Circle of Influence.


1. Creating interest in the topic with the help of a story / stories


3. Lecture – To present reactive and proactive models

4. Examples of Reactive and proactive language

Start the session with the story and discuss about the story

The Ant and the Grasshopper

There was once a grasshopper who loved life. He spent his time lazing in the sun,

eating when he wanted to, sleeping when he wanted to, and generally enjoying

himself all the time. He lived like he did not have a care in the world.

One day as he was sun-bathing, he saw an ant pushing a bread crumb across the

ground. The grasshopper asked, "Hey brother! What are you doing?" The ant

replied, "I am gathering food for the winter while the weather is still warm. Once

winter sets in, I am going to stay home and just eat from my stock of food."

The grasshopper made fun of the ant's dull life and went on sun bathing saying,

"There's enough time for such boring work. You should take time to have fun like

me." Soon the summer passed and the winter started to set in.


As the weather became colder, it became harder for the grasshopper to get out.

However, he soon started to feel hungry. He decided to brave the weather and find

himself some food.

When he stepped out, everything was covered with snow and he could not find

anything to eat. He continued to search for food every day. He did not find

anything. Finally, he grew weak and died of hunger.

DEBRIEF:

At the end of the story following questions must be raised by the facilitator to


1. What did you learn from the story?

2. What is the behaviour of grasshopper in the story, how many of us behave like

grasshopper in day to day life

3. Who do you think is responsible for grasshopper situation

4. What do you think the key behaviour of the ant that got food even in the winter

5. What is the key learning’s of the story we can implement in our daily life.

Ask the aspirants “what did they understand what proactive means? And then

explain the meaning.

DISCUSS PROACTIVE:

Proactivity means, taking responsibility to make things happen in every step of life,

initiating, creating opportunities, choosing our responses to several day to day

situations, developing the ability to look beyond the limits. In other words it means,

stopping blame game in all aspects of your life.

Being proactive also means that we don’t blame other people for the things that we

do. Everything is a choice that we make, and so we are responsible for everything

we say and do.


People can be proactive in a variety of ways. Explain proactive behaviours that have

been noted:

actively adjusting to new job conditions

using one's initiative

expressing voice

selling critical issues to leaders

proactive service performance

taking charge to bring about change

self-initiated role expansions

proactively solving problems and implementing ideas

network building

Say the story of Ramu – the facilitator from DRF

Ramu was a facilitator at DRF. One morning Ramu was eating breakfast with his

family. His daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto his shirt. Ramu has no control

over what just happened. What happens when the next will be determined by how

Ramu reacts/curses? He harshly scolds his daughter for knocking the cup over.

She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, he turns to his spouse and criticizes

her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle

follows. He storms upstairs and changes shirt. Back downstairs, he finds his

daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She

misses the bus. His spouse must leave immediately for work.

He rushes to the car and drives his daughter to school. Because he is late, drives

40 miles an hour in a 30kmph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing Rs

600 traffic fine away, arrives at school. His daughter runs into the building without

saying goodbye. After arriving at the centre 20 minutes late, he finds that forgot his

files. His day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse.

He looks forward to coming home, when he arrives home, he finds small wedge in

his relationship with his spouse and daughter.


The Facilitator needs to ask the following:

Why did he have a bad day? What caused it? Who caused it?

a. Did the coffee cause it?

b. Did his daughter cause it?

c. Did the policeman cause it?

d. Did he cause it himself?

Pause for some time and discuss - The answer is “D".

He had no control over what happened with the coffee. How he reacted in those

5 seconds is what caused his bad day.

Predict what you think would had happened next at the centre with his aspirants?

Gather responses from the aspirants and analyse the consequences of Ramu.

Once done tell the aspirants the Proactive Behaviour scenario as below:

Here is what could have and should have happened if Ramu was Proactive.

Coffee splashes over Ramu. His daughter is about to cry. He gently says, "It’s ok

honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel he rushes

upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and his files, he comes back down in time to

look through the window and see his child getting on the bus. She turns and waves.

He arrives 5 minutes early and cheerfully greets the aspirants. His S1 comments on

how good the day he is going to have.

1. Did you Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the

same. Both ended differently. Why? It is just because - how Ramu REACTED

against the situation made difference.

2. What are the key learning’s of the story

3. Name some ways Ramu was reactive in the first scenario.

4. List Ramu’s signs of being Proactive in the second scenario?

5. Can you recall similar situation(s) from your personal life


DISCUSS - PROACTIVE VS. REACTIVE

Reactive

When a man is reactive, there is no space between what is happening to him and

how he responds.

Proactive

A proactive man creates the space he needs to choose the best response to the

situation he is in.

Stimulus and Response:

In the second scenario Mr. Ramu realized that in the middle of the stimulus-

response model, humans have the freedom to choose their responses.

Humans respond to a stimulus like a computer responds to its program. They are

not aware of their programming and do not have the ability to change it.

We can either choose to be reactive or proactive to our environment.

If you choose to be reactive, for example,

If the weather is good, we will be happy.

If the weather is bad, we will be unhappy.

If people treat us well, we will feel well; if they don't, we will feel bad and

become defensive.

But if you choose to be proactive and not let your situations determine how you will

feel, will be happy in whatever is the case.

Stimulus Response

Stimulus Response Pause Think Choose


Proactive Language Vs Reactive Language

We can tell the difference between proactive and reactive people by listening to the

language they use.

Proactive Language Reactive Language

―Let’s look at our alternatives.‖ ―There’s nothing we can do.‖

―I can choose a different approach.‖ ―That’s just the way I am.‖

―I control my own feelings.‖ ―He makes me so mad.‖

―I can create an effective presentation.‖ ―They won’t allow that.‖

―I will choose an appropriate response.‖ ―I have to do that.‖

―I choose.‖ ―I can’t.‖

―I prefer.‖ ―I must.‖

―I will.‖ ―If only.‖

O nce w e de cide t o be proa ct iv e , e x a ct ly w he re w e f ocus our e f f or t s

be com e s im por t a nt .

SCENARIO:

Ask aspirants to write down they reaction in their book.

You are supposed to attend an interview at 10 am and you boarded the

bus, due to an accident the bus halted in a traffic jam. How do you react to

that situation as you were preparing for this interview for last one year?

Example: Starts worrying, Tension, Cry, Loses hope, starts getting angry and scolding people


THE PAUSE–THINK-CHOOSE CONCEPT

Explain that when you have a choice, it

helps to stop and think about the choice

instead of just reacting.

STIMULUS FREEDOM TO CHOOSE RESPONSE

Each of us should try to pause before we act. We can make a good choice. We

should ask ourselves:

What choices do I have?

Will my action let myself and others think good things about me?

Will my action be positive for other people?

Will my action harm something that does not belong to me?

Am I willing to be responsible for this action?

Situation (What happens to you) Pause & Think

Think about different ways you could respond

How to choose to respond


Give the next activity sheet to the aspirants (Activity 1) given below are certain

example on how to help aspirants to do the activity.

Activity –You are supposed to attend an interview at 10 am and you boarded the bus, due

to an accident the bus halted in a traffic jam. How do you react to that situation as you

were preparing for this interview for last one year?

Understand Pause—Think—Choose

In the box below, write down your reactions and your reactive behaviours.

Pause

In the box below, write one or more ways you can pause to take control and keep

from reacting badly.

Think

In the box below, write what you’ll think about—your choices and the results

(consequences) or impact on you and those around you.

Choose

In the box below, write what is the one best chose you would make and why.

Example: Starts worrying, Tension, Cry, Loses hope, starts getting angry and scolding people

Example: Calm down and think about alternative solution what can be done next.

Call and inform the interviewer in advanced, so that the interviewer would be known in prior and can

schedule the appointments accordingly to prevent last minute disturbances.

Choices you can make Consequences

Eg: a) Call & inform the interviewer a) The interviewer finds the person to be responsible

b) Walk down and take another vehicle b) Might reach on time.


After the activity conclude the concept with the following explanation:

Being "Proactive" means accepting responsibility for your attitudes, thoughts, and

behaviour, instead of blaming other people or circumstances.

People, who are successful in life, build that success on proactivity.

So what is "responsibility"? If you break this word down, it's the "ability" to

CHOOSE your "response".

People who are proactive have developed the ability to respond rather than react to

things, people, and circumstances. When you lose your temper, experience

depression, feel irritable or tired, or answer before you think, you're actually

reacting and not responding.

Brief the aspirants the 3 Scenarios as below:

Scene 1:

You and your friend were going on a bike and suddenly another bike rider has cut

you down very rashly and you had to brake.

What is your response?

Scene 2:

After the incident, you continue your journey and after a while suddenly again you

had to brake because a little school boy.


Scene 3:

Then you move on again with your journey and after sometime suddenly again you

had to brake. This time it’s a buffalo.


C hoosing a re sponse t o a ny sit ua t ion is a choice y ou m a k e f or

y ourse lf a nd it is com ple t e ly in y our cont ro l.


Circle of

Concern

Circle of Concern

LOCUS OF CONTROL

As human beings, we have the capacity to be proactive. We can focus on the things

that we can actually do something about, or we can add to the stress in our lives by

worrying over the things we have no control over.

Locus of Control

A Circle of Concern encompasses the wide range of concerns

we have, such as our facilitators, family, boss, curriculum,

friends, relatives, assessments, developing skill etc.

A Circle of Influence encompasses those concerns upon which

we have some control over.

By determining in which of these two circles is our focus most of

our time and energy, we can discover much about the degree of

our proactivity.

Stephen Covey defines proactive as ―being

responsible for our own lives…..our behavior is a

function of our decisions, not our conditions.

Proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of

Influence. They work on the things they can do

something about. The nature of their energy is

positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their

Circle of Influence to increase.

Circle of

Influence

PROACTIVE FOCUS (Positive energy enlarges the

Circle of Influence)


Reactive people tend to neglect those issues that are

under their control and influence.

Reactive people, on the other hand, focus their

efforts in the Circle of Concern. They focus on the

weakness of other people, the problems in the

environment, and circumstances over which they have

no control. The negative energy generated by that

focus causes their Circle of Influence to shrink.

Determining Concerns

A useful way of determining which Circle people’s concerns are in is by listening to

the language used. You can distinguish between the use of the words ―have‖ and

―be‖. Circles of Concern are full of ―have’s‖ while Circles of Influence are full of

―be’s‖. The table below provides some examples.

Have’s (Reactive) Be’s (Proactive)

I’ll be happy when I have a full

establishment… I can be a better role model…

If only I had a boss who wasn’t... I can be more organized / resourceful…

If I had respect from… I can be more loving / understanding…

If I could just have management days… I will be more diligent…

If the environment was more conducive… I can seek out personnel and be able to

understand…

REACTIVE FOCUS (Negative energy reduces the

Circle of Influence)


Give the next activity sheet to the aspirants (Activity 2)

Taking initiative means recognizing our responsibility to make things happen.

Increasing our Circle of Influence and decreasing our Circle of Concern can help us

with this exercise.

Instruct the aspirant as following-

Step 1: The outer Circle is your Circle of Concern. In this outer circle make a list

of all your concerns.

Egs:

My friend doesn’t reach on time to the class.

My sister does not value her studies.

The bus conductor speaks very rudely & is

disrespectful.

My facilitator doesn’t clarify my doubts.

Step 2: Take any one concern out of the list.

Eg: My facilitator doesn’t clarify my doubts.

Step 3: So now it’s time to focus on the inner circle – your Circle of Influence.

Being in the inner circle, let’s ponder around the following question.

What is that I can do now? so that my facilitator would be happy in clearing my

doubts?

Facilitator needs to spend some time on step no 3 taking different concerns of

different aspirants, so that they will understand that there is always something they

can do to influence all the concerns they have in the outer circle.

“N ot ice a ll t he t h ings y ou a ct ua lly ha v e cont ro l a nd inf lue n ce ov e r

w it h in t h is sit ua t ion . N ow t a k e a ct ion on t he t h ings y ou ha v e t he

pow e r t o in f lue nce ! ”


I am a responsible person. I take initiative. I choose my actions,

attitudes, and moods. I do not blame others for my wrong actions. I do

the right thing without being asked, even when no one is looking.

You have many choices in a day, many of which you have complete control over.

These are within your Circle of Influence (control). But some things are within your

Circle of Concern (No Control) because you can’t change them.

The more time you spend in your Circle of Influence, the happier you’ll be because

you’ll feel more in control of your own life.

“You have control over three things: what you think, what you say, and how

you behave. To make a change in your life, you must recognize these gifts are the

most powerful tools you possess in shaping for form of your life.”

--Sonya Friedman


Learning outcomes: Below are the points which can be used to measure the

impact of the session.

After this session, the aspirants

Would be able to make powerful choices at every step of life and become

responsible

Will no longer blame people or circumstances for their own shortcomings

Would not get negatively consumed by others behaviour

Would be ready to go an extra mile to expand their circle of influence, with

the question ―What can I do now so that I can influence this person /

situation for better?‖

Visit again:

Revising this session would help our aspirants in overcoming the following

situations

If the aspirants are not willing to take responsibility in any situation / for

their own shortcomings

If they are making disempowering choices

Living in blame game

Getting negatively impacted by others behaviour

Emotionally imbalanced

Feel victimised


ACTIVITY 1

You are supposed to attend an interview at 10 am and you boarded the bus, due to an

accident the bus halted in a traffic jam. How do you react to that situation as you were

preparing for this interview for last one year?

Understand Pause—Think—Choose

In the box below, write down your reactions and your reactive behaviours.

Pause

In the box below, write one or more ways you can pause to take control and keep from

reacting badly.

Think

In the box below, write what you’ll think about—your choices and the results

(consequences) or impact on you and those around you.

Choose

In the box below, write what is the one best chose you would make and why.

“Choosing a response to any situation is a choice you make for yourself and it is completely in your control.”

C h o o s in g a res p o n s e t o an y s it u at io n is a c h o ic e y o u m ak e f o r y o u rs elf

an d it is c o m p let e ly in y o u r c o n t ro l.

Choices you can make Consequences


Activity 2

My Concern: _______________________________________________________

“Notice all the things you actually have control and influence over within

this situation. Now take action on the things you have the power to

influence!”

Circle of Concern:

Circle of Influence:

Actions:

life skills facilitator handbook 26.06.13

Technology

interpersonal skills

realities of life

pursuit of life

different emotions

positive social relationships

family relationships

challenges of everyday

learning development