Leadership, Etiquette & AssertivenessIn a Patriarchal Environment

PROFESSIONAL WOMEN’S CONFERENCEMASASA TRAINING BUREAU, 27 TO 30 JUNE

2016

PRESENTATION BY CYNTHIA HAKUTANGWI (COMMUNICATIONS AND PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT CONSULTANT)

Presenter’s Profile – Cynthia Hakutangwi A Communications and Personal Development

Consultant, Transformation Activist, Life Coach, Author, and Strategist.

Has worked extensively in human resource development, marketing, research, strategy design, and organisational structuring.

Has developed and facilitated various programmes in business skills, personal and transformational leadership development.

A contributing writer for lifestyle, wellness and leadership related publications.

Her Her published book titles include “Destination Wholeness – Going Beyond Brokenness,” “The Whole You – Vital Keys for Balanced Living” and “Intelligent Conversations: A mindset shift towards a developed Africa, she is co-author of “Success Within Reach.” Her latest book The Wealthy Diary of African Wisdom will be launched in July 2016.

Her Film Productions Include “The Extra Mile, Women Leading in Positive Nation Building” and the “Intelligent Conversations” TV Series

Cynthia is married and a mother of four children.

What is Patriarchy?

Patriarchy is a social system in which males hold primary power, predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of property

A patriarchal social system can be defined as a system where men are in authority over women in all aspects of society

A patriarchal society is one whereby men are the decision-makers and hold positions of power and prestige, and have the power to define reality and common situations.

“Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed.  If I fail, no one will say, she doesn't have what it takes. They will say, women don't have what it takes." 

-Clare Boothe Luce

The Feminine AdvantageWhile women have come a long way in the

workplace over the years, there's still a perception among many female workers that the top office is a man's world, and in order to succeed in that world, they need to emulate men.

What do you think?

What is the Problem?

In Africa, a greater percentage of the total African population consists of women and female children.

Unfortunately, two-thirds of the women population is illiterate. In addition, the world percentage of women in parliament is currently less than 20%.

From all indications, women form a dominant part of the global society yet their involvement in societal and global affairs is quite limited as compared to the participation of their male counterparts.

Africa’s greatest untapped resource

“Women and girls are Africa’s greatest untapped resource, and it is they, not diamonds or oil and minerals, that will be the foundation for solid, sustainable and equitable progress. Health and development experts, economists, non-governmental organisations, UN agencies and even banks agree that expanding the freedoms, the education and opportunities for women holds the key to kick-starting inclusive economic growth. This is true the world over, and particularly true for Africa…”

Excerpt from an article Written by Joaquim Chissano http://europesworld.org/2014/02/24/educating-africas-women-is-the-key-to-economic-wealth

Incubate, Nourish and Amplify Women were not created as an afterthought, but were

deliberately created on purpose to exercise the dominion mandate given to mankind by their creator

Women were born with the innate ability to not only reproduce but to incubate, nourish and amplify ideas.

Deliberate efforts should therefore be made therefore to develop the leadership capacities of women from a young age to enable them to engage in positive nation building.

Source: Intelligent Conversations – A mindset Shift Towards a Developed Africa by Cynthia Hakutangwi (2014)

What is etiquette?

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Rules governing socially acceptable behavior Refers to one’s conduct, behaviour and manners Etiquette is a code of behavior for people from all

walks of life, every socioeconomic group, and of all ages.

The 4C’s of etiquette Courtesy – listening over talking, not interrupting.

Using phrases such as “Please”, “Thank you”, and “Pardon me”

Consideration – acknowledging other people with whom you share space. Involves keeping the office bearable to work in

Camaraderie – thinking of yourself as a team player vs constant self promotion

Class – concerns demeanor, being pleasant and doing your best to please regardless

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What is Chivalry?

Webster’s Dictionary :Chivalry: Gallantry, courtesy and honor. The noble qualities a knight was supposed to

have, such as courage and a readiness to help the weak.

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What is chivalry today?It is made up but not limited to, the following

elements:* Good Manners * Kindness towards others * Consideration of any and everyone around you * Thoughtfulness towards others * Generosity of spirit and with physical things * Doing something for someone before it is asked of you * Showing grace and elegance in response to an act of chivalry

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What is a lady?

A well-mannered and considerate woman with high standards of proper behavior.

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The behaviour of a lady

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Be charming. A true lady doesn't just sit there quietly and let the world pass her by. She engages with other people, carries stimulating conversations

Don't use profanity, overeat or drink excessively. Being a lady requires having self-control and will power

Be respectful when visiting others‘ spaces. When you are a guest in somebody else's office/home, allow the host/hostess to tell you where to sit, where to leave your purse, whether or not to take off your shoes,etc.

Hold the door open for others. Stay calm, cool, and collected. Avoiding lashing out at others

if you are annoyed, angry, or upset. Remain poised, and handle the situation rationally and calmly.

Etiquette and Chivalry in a Patriarchal Environment

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How can you effectively and professionally lead as a woman in a patriarchal environment whilst still observing etiquette and chivalry?

You need to understand the Rules of Engagement Reaction vs Response

Assertiveness vs Aggressiveness

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What is a Professionalism?

Professionals are flexible, courteous, competent, helpful, responsible, well-groomed, efficient, patient, and knowledgeable. They are good communicators, listeners, and team players, and they consistently demonstrate a positive attitude.

Understanding Assertiveness

What Is Assertiveness?: Assertiveness is the ability to express

one’s feelings and assert one’s rights while respecting the feelings and rights of others.

Assertive communication is appropriately direct, open and honest, and clarifies one’s needs to the other person.

Assertiveness comes naturally to some, but is a skill that can be learned.

Three primary types of non-assertive behaviour Aggressive behaviour    Where a person is trying to

impose their views inappropriately on others, and it may be accompanied by threatening language and an angry, glaring expression.

Submissive behaviour    Where the person acts like a doormat, downplaying their own needs and willing to fit in with the wishes of others in order to keep the peace at any price. It may be accompanied by general passivity, nervousness and a lack of eye contact.

Manipulative behaviour    This typically occurs where a person seeks to ingratiate themselves with another through flattery and other forms of deceit. It may be accompanied by cloying over-attention and a simpering voice.

Assertiveness vs Aggressiveness In contrast, individuals behaving aggressively

will tend to employ tactics that are disrespectful, manipulative, demeaning, or abusive. They don’t think of the other person’s point of view at all. They win at the expense of others, and create unnecessary conflict.

Passive individuals don’t know how to adequately communicate their feelings and needs to others. They tend to fear conflict so much that they let their needs go unmet and keep their feelings secret in order to ‘keep the peace’. 

How to become more assertive

How Does One Become More Assertive?:

The first step in becoming more assertive is to take an honest look at yourself and your responses, to see where you currently stand.

Do you have difficulty accepting constructive criticism?

Do you find yourself saying ‘yes’ to requests that you should really say ‘no’ to, just to avoid disappointing people?

How to become more assertive

Do you have trouble voicing a difference of opinion with others?

Do people tend to feel alienated by your communication style when you do disagree with them?

Do you feel attacked when someone has an opinion different from your own?

Some simple tips for assertive communication Deliver your message directly to the intended

recipient. Use ‘I’ statements (for example, ‘I want to …’ or

‘I feel …’) Ask for and encourage clear, specific feedback. Be specific and objective when describing the

behaviour or situation. Do not use generalisations such as, ‘you always’

or ‘you never’. Focus on the most recent case, saying, ‘I noticed

today you … when you do that I feel ...’. Avoid becoming emotional when describing how

it makes you feel.

…Some simple tips for assertive communication Be specific about the action required from the

other person, taking into account their rights, needs and feelings.

Do not be apologetic about your feelings, rights or opinions.

Say ‘no’ to unreasonable requests, also without being apologetic.

Offering an explanation is strictly optional. Only address one issue at a time. Be sure to acknowledge both the feelings shown by

the other person, and any issues they bring up, then immediately return to your point. Maintain eye contact and use tone of voice and body language to reinforce your message.

If you cannot find a way to compromise, you might find it useful to ‘agree to disagree’.

Goal Setting for Leadership Exercise

SECTION ONE: UNDERSTANDING LEADERSHIP What do you understand LEADERSHIP to be How you would describe your life when

you are in LEADERSHIP What are the obstacles that have kept you

from being involved in leadership

Goal Setting for Leadership Exercise

SECTION 2: THE WHEEL OF LIFE EXERCISE

LIST THE Eight Critical Areas of your life What do you understand LEADERSHIP to be List the top 3 things you are going to

change from today to help you become more effective in your life

Set at least one SMART goal in one of those three areas which you have identified

What are the Barriers to Your Success? Personal Barriers – Barriers within yourself

Your motivation, education, training, energy, personality characteristics, leadership skills, self-confidence, conflicting values, stress tolerance, etc

Environmental Barriers – Barriers outside of your control External forces that are out of your control, for

example the culture in which you live or the attitudes of leaders in your organization

Conflict Barriers – when two goals compete with each other Conflict barriers exist when you want to achieve

two goals that appear to be in competition or conflict with each other

Goal Setting for Leadership Exercise SECTION 3: EFFECTIVE GOAL SETTING

EXERCISE - Analysing Your Goals Choose a goal that is important to you both

personally and professionally Rewrite your goal(s) as specific and measurable

as possible Analyse each possible goal to determine (1)

whether it is attainable, and (2) what the costs to you will be

What personal barriers are involved? What environmental barriers are involved? What conflict barriers are involved? How will you overcome each barrier?

Goal Setting for Leadership Exercise SECTION 3: EFFECTIVE GOAL SETTING

EXERCISE - Analysing Your Goals 4. Now that you have considered the barriers, is

your goal reachable? At what cost? 5. What benefits will you receive from reaching

your goal? 6. Are the benefits to you greater than the costs? 7. Make a firm commitment to achieve the goal

by a certain date or drop the potential goal. Goals without deadlines are usually not motivational.

8. Decide on ways you will reward yourself for achieving the sub-goals and/or for movement toward them.

What does your Career Path look like in the next five years?

Does your personality type match your career choice?Take a free personality test http://www.personalitytype.com/career_quiz https://www.careerkey.org/explore-career-optio

ns/personality-career-match.html#.V2IJCop95QJ

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

http://www.findingpotential.com/INDIVIDUALS/PERSONALITY/

http://similarminds.com/career.html

A provoking call to Intelligent Conversations...

As a woman you need to transform your

conversation and become relevant to the present and future of the global society

Let us move away from the petty level of conversations we have been known to engage and start prioritising high seat issues which add value to the national discourse.

Become impassioned with technology and extraordinary things beyond your comfort zones and add your voices to the beneficiation agenda.

Who is Sharpening Your Iron?

Who is your Role Model, Coach and Mentor? Who are You Mentoring?

Role Model, Coach or Mentor? Making the right choice will determine your

interaction with the individual. A role model is an individual in which the behaviour

is observed from a distance. A mentor is someone that the individual works with

on a fairly regular basis. It involves observing the mentor but also includes the opportunity for discussion, evaluation and progress through 2-way communication between the mentor and the mentee.

The individual and their coach on the other hand have a task based relationship. A coach looks at you work and gives you advice on how to improve your results

Personal leadership questions Who AM I? Why AM I here? Where AM I going? How will I get there? What will be my LEGACY?

On which level of existence are you?

Survival, Success

or Significance?What are you going to Stop, Start

& Continue?

Thank You

CYNTHIA HAKUTANGWICommunications & Personal Development Consultant

Mobile: 0772 438 068E-mail: chakutangwi@gmail.com

cynthia@wholenessinc.comWebsite: www.wholenessinc.com

www.traincor.co.zwFacebook: Cynthia Hakutangwi