La Vida Aqui:Negotiating Fatherhood and

Family in Post Industry

by Rudy G. HernandezUniversity of Michigan-Flint

Working Paper No. 66August 2007

La Vida Aqui:Negotiating Fatherhood and Family in Post Industry

by Rudy G. HernandezUniversity of Michigan-Flint

Working Paper No. 66August 2007

About the Author: Rudy G. Hernandez

Rudy G. Hernandez was born and raised in Detroit, Mich., where he completed hisundergraduate studies at Wayne State University. Currently, he is a lecturer and AssistantProfessor in Sociology, Anthropology, and Criminal Justice at the University of Michigan-Flint.He earned his Ph.D. from Michigan State University’s Department of Sociology where his focusof study was primarily on Latino youth and family issues. Professionally, he worked severalyears with youth throughout Michigan and was a King-Chavez-Parks Research Fellow whileworking with JSRI. He also served as the Director for Undergraduate Diversity in the College ofAgriculture and Natural Resources at MSU.

The Julian Samora Research Institute is committed to the generation, transmission, and applicationof knowledge to serve the needs of Latino communities in the Midwest. To this end, it has organized anumber of publication initiatives to facilitate the timely dissemination of current research and informationrelevant to Latinos.

• Research Reports: JSRI’s flagship publications for scholars who want a quality publication with more detail thanusually allowed in mainstream journals. These are produced in-house. Research Reports are selected for theirsignificant contribution to the knowledge base of Latinos.

• Working Papers: for scholars who want to share their preliminary findings and obtain feedback from others in Latinostudies.

• Statistical Briefs/CIFRAS: for the Institute’s dissemination of “facts and figures” on Latino issues and conditions. Alsodesigned to address policy questions and to highlight important topics.

• Occasional Papers: for the dissemination of speeches, papers, and practices of value to the Latino community whichare not necessarily based on a research project. Examples include historical accounts of people or events, “oralhistories,” motivational talks, poetry, speeches, technical reports, and related presentations.

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Julian Samora Research InstituteDr. Francisco Villarruel, Acting Director

Danny Layne, Layout Editor

SUGGESTED CITATION

Hernandez, Rudy G. (Ph.D.) “La Vida Aqui: Negotiating Fatherhood and Family in Post Industry,” JSRIWorking Paper #66, The Julian Samora Research Institute, Michigan State University, East Lansing,Michigan, 2007.

La Vida Aqui:Negotiating Fatherhood and Family in Post Industry

Table of Contents

Introduction ..........................................................................................................1

Fatherhood Contested ..........................................................................................2

Fatherhood by Proxy ............................................................................................5

Fools Don’t Rush in ..............................................................................................8

Women’s Work: Fatherhood by Committee ....................................................10

Conclusions ..........................................................................................................15

References ............................................................................................................17

This work is part of a larger qualitative study thatinvestigate the intersection of the informaleconomy, fatherhood, and masculinity for youngimmigrant Mexican and Mexican American menliving in Southwest Detroit, Michigan. It exploresthe following questions: What importance do youngChicano and Mexicano men place on theirfatherhood? Is there substantial variation of thedecisions young men make relative to their familyarrangements based on their citizenship status? Arehousehold arrangements and family relations at allinfluential in how or to what extent young Chicanoand Mexicano men go about doing fatherwork?

Introduction

One way that young, urban men display genderthrough becoming fathers that is particularly over-represented in both the literature and popularthought is through the pursuit of cultural rewards ofurban life — street cred — by fathering childrenwithout regard for responsibility (Kaplan, 1997;Anderson, 1999); the other through translating theirfatherhood status into active membership inextended kinship networks that represent muchtraditional and cultural importance (Réyes, 1995;Mirandé, 1988). These highly dissimilar modelsrepresent extremes that in many ways bearremarkable resemblance to the cultural stereotypesascribed to young, urban men of color. However,both models, if at all accurate, imply thatfatherhood is important, albeit for different culturalreasons; although it is not clear whether bothrepresentations are mutually exclusive. In analyzingthe family situations of my sample, I did notpresume that one was necessarily bad and the othergood; nor did I assume that they could not exist intandem, if they existed at all. Rather, I chose toview them as strategies that young men and theirfamilies used to negotiate a difficult urbanenvironment. However, it is evident from theliterature (e.g., Stack, 1972; Kibria, 1990; Stacy1991; Hondagneu-Sotelo, 1999) that family copingstrategies are constantly adapting, therefore Iconsidered these strategies to be dynamic, orvarying manifestations of fatherhood that changewith time, circumstances, or unique culturalsituations.

To conceptualize fatherhood and to reconcile thefact that men perhaps constructed multiplemeanings of fatherhood, I borrowed from Connell’s(2000) thesis on multiple masculinities. Connell(2000: 10) states:

“It is clear from the new social research asa whole that there is no one pattern ofmasculinity that is found everywhere. Weneed to speak of `masculinities´ not`masculinity.´ Different cultures, anddifferent periods of history, constructmasculinity differently.”

In applying this concept to fatherhood, I wouldadd that men also articulate various expressions offatherhood depending on the social situation. Forexample, most men in my study simultaneouslyused their fatherhood status both as a way togarnish their reputation for “having game” (able toattract/dominate women) or being a mujeriego(womanizer) among their peers, and to gain respectfrom their family and community for being unhombre completo (a complete man) by beingresponsible for their children, as well as beingcontributing members of the extended familynetwork.

Most studies involving fatherhood issues arelimited because of their one-dimensional focus.Consequently our understanding of the relatedissues is very narrow: either only from a male’sperspective or only from a female’s perspective;seldom a synthesized view. However, history bearsout that Latino families are extended andcomplicated systems, and that women are importantarchitects of family relations that affect survival inharsh environments. Given that the overwhelmingmajority of young minority parents live with theirsanguineal families (Lerman and Ooms, 1993;Wattenberg, 1998) and that children who are poorand/or are part of an immigrant family, regardlessof their generational order, become importanthousehold agents who facilitate settlement(Fernandez-Kelly, 1995; Valenzuela, 1999; Gold,2000; Zhou, 1997; Stepick, 1998), young minorityfathers’ obligations and relationships to theirchildren are oftentimes at odds with those they1

La Vida Aqui: Negotiating Fatherhood and Family in Post Industry

have to their own sanguineal families (Lerman andOoms, 1993; Bourgois, 1995; Wattenberg, 1998;Fernandez-Kelly, 1995; Stepick, 1998; Anderson,1999; Valenzuela, 1999). For instance, it iscommon for these children to assume adult roles atan early age, acting as interpreters, translators,daycare providers, financial consultants —mediators between their families and the outsideworld (Valenzuela, 1999), which would necessarilyaffect the quality of and extent to which they dofatherwork.

Therefore, broadening my view to attain a betterunderstanding of the complexities of how youngmen construct fatherhood necessitated integrating alarger family systems context and placing a specialfocus of my analysis on relationality. I approachedthis through a three-pronged strategy: first, I usedphenomenologically-based interviews (Seidman,1998) to analyze how young men (primarysubjects) in my study constructed meaning throughintersubjectivity. Second, whenever possible, Iconducted semi-structured interviews, guided byissued educed from interviews with my primarysubjects, with family members; and third, I usedphenomenologically-based participant observationtechniques to contextualize the issues related in theinterviews.

Fatherhood Contested

Quidandose — Being Sure

One of the strong implications of the littleresearch done on young, urban men who becomefathers is that they are greatly affected by an urbanculture that encourages rampant and irresponsiblefatherhood. At the time that I interviewed the menin my study, all freely acknowledged their childrenand were, in varying degrees, financially andemotionally involved in their children’s lives.However, there was no rush toward fatherhood forany of these men, except for one. That is, the menin my study did not embark on a conscious missionto have children, for any reason. In fact, 75% of themen initially either denied or sought confirmationof their paternity. Among the Chicanos, the reasonsfor this varied from “not having known the motherthat long” to “I just wasn’t ready to settle down.”

Although the men in this group admitted that theynever actually doubted their paternity. Rather, theirreluctance to concede automatically to what theyperceived to be a life-altering situation was becausethey doubted their abilities to “measure up.”

Generally, the Chicanos who initially haddifficulty accepting their fatherhood spoke of beingcaught between two types of pressures. On one end,they felt the pressures of accepting what theyperceived to be adult responsibilities with fewrelatively good prospects for employment. On theother, they felt pressure from both their familiesand society to find ways to meet their obligationsdespite the absence of viable or long-termemployment. As Leo, a 24-year-old Chicano whocohabits with the mother of his child, puts it:

“Yeah, sure, those vatos who run aroundbragging about how many kids they havemight think that people think it’s cool, butlet me tell you, their ain’t too much respectin that. It’s usually the young vatos (dudes)who don’t understand that sooner or laterthey’re gonna’ get caught up in the childsupport chingadera (mess). That’s not a nicesituation, man. You got your own people, ontop of hers, up your ass to come up withsomething to give toward the baby. Yeah, ifher moms wants to be a bitch about it, shecan report that shit and you could end upusin’ a roll of toilet paper for a pillow untilsomeone bails you out. Man, I been throughthat shit. Ain’t no one respectin’ youdowntown. When I went to court, the judgeyelled at me... she called me ‘trifling,’ andtold me to keep it zipped up. You knowwhat it’s like to be in front of room full ofpeople and have someone treat you likeyou’re less than shit? I look back on itthough and now I realize that what I wasdoing was worth less than shit. And it wasall because I didn’t want to let my rucacontrol me. Shit, I was 21 years old and myruca, my moms, her moms... thought theycould track me down, no matter what I wasdoin’. You can’t be doin’ that to no grown-ass man. Well, maybe they was wantin’ meto be a grown-ass man, but shit, I didn’t

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have no real job and I just couldn’t see howI was gonna’ do what they wanted me to dowithout a real job...”

Some of the conflict experienced by these youngmen also had to do with the affiliations they hadwith local gangs. Whether they “weren’t ready” tobecause “it was fun,” or could not for fear ofretribution, severe their ties with la vida (the life),they considered their lifestyles to be inconsistentwith being good fathers. Although fatherhood wascommon among their associates, the few whoacknowledged having children, participated in theirchildren’s lives beyond nominally and reluctantlyproviding financial or material support. There is animportant departure here from the qualities of urbanyouth culture described by Anderson (1999) andBell Kaplan (1997) — that social pressures exist toencourage the rampant siring of children withoutregard for the socially accepted implicitobligations. At least in the way the men in mystudy framed the issue, they were conflicted aboutwhat they perceived to be an inconsistency betweenla vida and what they thought was socially orculturally acceptable behavior in regard to theirfamilies. To them, la vida was street life. It was aculture much larger than just gang life. It was theneighborhood. Gang life was merely a componentof la vida. When a horrible situation or a seeminglyirrational event happened, it was explained as lavida. For instance, on one occasion I was to meet acouple of young brothers, both fathers who workedconstruction together, for a dinner interview. Iwaited at the designated restaurant for two hoursbefore deciding they were not going to show, asituation with which I had become all too familiar.The next day their mother, a woman who I had metwhile doing participant observation at Madonna’sSWEEP program, called me to explain thesituation. As it was, the previous morning two veryyoung police officers had been murdered in theneighborhood by a few young men, who werereported to have been driving a truck similar to herson’s. Her boys had been snagged in the extremelywide net cast by the police department. They wereheld incommunicado for 30 hours before the realsuspects were apprehended. During theirdetainment, they were physically andpsychologically coerced into signing falseconfessions. Their response:

“That’s the neighborhood, homie... that’s lavida... that’s how it is for a young brownman in this barrio. Sometimes you serve itand sometime you gotta’ eat it. And, it don’tmatter if you’re down (in a gang) or not. Tothem, we’re all down because we’re allbrown. We’re just lucky we didn’t have toeat the whole fucking thing this time. Somevatos don’t get so lucky. How’s that songgo? ‘La vida te da sorpresa... sorpesa te dala vida (Life gives you surprises... surprisesgive you life)... It’s all good.”

Like most of the young men in my study, theseyoung men had no formal affiliations with gangswhatsoever. Also like most of the men in my study,their strongest affiliations were with their familynetwork. Yet they describe la vida as having a setof principles that demanded their full andunwavering attention, lest they be victims of itsarbitrary appetite for young brown men.

A common thread that ran through my interviewswith the men who described themselves asveteranos (ex-affiliates), current affiliates, or “justregular vatos” was to separate their actions into twocategories: (1) what they had to do (“a vato’s gotta’do what a vato’s gotta’ do”); and (2) what theywanted to do (“the rest is mole”). The actionsassociated with la vida fell in the first category. Assuch, most of every other part of their life fell inthe second category, including what obligation theyfelt to their children. And, while their languageshowed little more than contempt for men who didnot recognize their paternal obligations, they alsoused this rationale to explain their own paternalshortcomings. The important distinction here is thatcontemporary urban culture, at least in the waysthese young men experience it, does not directlyencourage young men to “hit and run.” Rather, thereality of urban life, which affords young,uneducated men few luxuries, encourages men toprioritize their obligations.

Henry, a 25-year-old Chicano and veterano, putsit this way:

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“I can tell these young fools that 90% ofbeing a pops is just showing up. The hardpart is still showing up when you gotnothin’ to give. That’s where the problemscome in. You got an idea about how fuckingembarrassing it is not to be able to giveyour little man somethin’. See, when my extold me she was pregnant, I really didn’tthink [the baby] wasn’t mines. Shit, therewasn’t no fool stupid enough in this barrioto mess with what was mines... and that girl,she was mines... No, man, I was just plainscared. What did I know about being a dad?I was down pretty tight with ***** (gang)...I really didn’t join, but on that block if youain’t in you’re pretty much dead... andliving with my moms and little brother. Ihad a hard enough time just taking care ofthem. You know, my moms don’t speakEnglish that good and she hasn’t really beenable to get a good job since my old mansplit. So I had to hustle to make sure theywas okay... and keep on my carnalito (littlebrother) so he would stay in school andkeep out of trouble. The messed up thing isthat I had been involved in a lot of crazyshit... you know, guns, fights, slanging...and nothin’ scared me as much as thethought of having to take care of this littleman (caresses child’s head). My ex’s oldman tried to talk to me, but I didn’t care... Iwasn’t afraid of him. One day I came homeand my ex was sitting on the sofa with mymoms. My moms asked me if everything[my ex] told her was true. I didn’t evendeny it. I just told my moms that I didn’tcare if it was true. No one was going toforce me to take care of her... the baby... Mymoms started crying and said that this is notwhat she taught me... ’es no dee Messicanwaaay’... Shit, she kicked me out of thehouse and took my ex in to live with her.Ain’t that a bitch? ... so one night I’m at theclub with a bunch of vatos and someoneasked me why I ain’t at home takin’ care ofmy shit... we ended up getting into a fight...but I started realized that night that I hadturned into the same type of fool I used to

make fun of... the kind that don’t want totake care of their shit... in the end, I madesure I always had something to give, even ifit was something small... even just a hugand kiss for my little man... I-TAKE-CARE-OF-MY-SHIT, entiendes?”

Virtually all the Mexicanos in my study weresending remittance to Mexico. However, it isimportant to note the transnational nature offatherhood for the three Mexicanos who wereworking in Detroit to support children in additionto family they had left in Mexico. The initialreluctance to fatherhood that they spoke about wasrooted in the same apprehension about their abilityto provide as their Chicano cohorts. However, allthree men spoke about the need to protect againstthe underhanded tactics that families in theirpueblito employed to harness able-bodied youngmen for the U.S. employment market.

In a conversation that I had with Hermo andJesus, both of whom had children in Mexico, theyexplained:

“No hay jale en aquellos pueblos. Losvarones de cada otro hogar ya andan o enDetroit o en Chicago. Y las familias en queno hay varones estan rejodidas. O como enel caso mio, un dia se fue mi jefe para elnorte a buscar jale y ya nunca volvio. Sedeja oir por alli que tiene nueva familia enChicago. Hay que quidarse porque la gentealli esta desesperada, las mujeres mas quetodos. Te enganchan y no hay mas otra quevenir a camellar en este mendigo frio.Tampoco es raro que ves a un pobre infelizmatandose aqui porque le mandaron avisoque su vieja se puso gorda antes de queviniera. Hay que estar seguro porque teenganchan...”

“There’s no work in those villages. The menfrom every other home are already workingin Detroit or Chicago. And the families thathave no men are really screwed. Or like inmy case, one day my old man went up north

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to look for work and he never returned. I’veheard that he has a new family in Chicago.You have to protect yourself because thepeople there are desperate, especially thewomen. They’ll trap you and then there’s noother option than to come to work in thisblasted cold. It’s also common to see a poorfool killing himself because he got wordthat his old lady got pregnant before hecame. You got to be sure of these thingsbecause you’ll get trapped...”

During our conversation over coffee, a few othermen with whom they lived joined in the discussion.These older men, perhaps in their late 20’s to early30’s, commended my young subjects for theirfrugality. They considered their frugality to be aform of self-sacrifice — the epitome of lovingfatherhood — so that they could maximize theamount of money sent home. They compared theseyoung men to another transnational father whoshared the house. When I expressed interest ininterviewing him, they told me not to waste mytime with el pajaro gordo (the fat bird). Theyexplained that instead of saving his money to sendto his wife and children, he lavished himself withlujos (luxuries); buying new clothes instead of usedones from la segunda (secondhand store), orspending his money on liquor and women at aneighborhood bar. But, all the while bugging theboss for more money because he had children inMexico to support. They later explained that theycall him el pajaro gordo because he could singreally nice but he could not fly — all talk.

Fatherhood-by-proxy

Although el pajaro gordo was the nickname forthis particular gentleman, the men made it clear thathis lifestyle was a fairly common occurrence, onethey attributed to the many temptations readilyavailable in la vida aqui (the life here) that canpotentially lead their fellow good intentionedsojourners astray. Like their Chicano cohorts feltabout their friends who rejected their paternalobligations, the Mexicanos expressed little morethan contempt for their compatriots who were notdisciplined enough to hacer lo que vinieron a hacer(do what they came to do). They compared these

men to Chicanos with whom they worked, whosereluctance to accede to the harsh conditions ortendencies to complain about low pay wereinterpreted as being lazy, spoiled or as havingforgotten life in Mexico. Pedro (22) and Iris (21), aMexicano couple that met at a restaurant wherethey both used to work and that at the time of theinterview cohabited with her family, explain it best:

Iris: “Senor Rudy, es que aveces estospaisas vienen es que a jalar duro por suscreaturas... como muchos venimos. Pero seponen a correr de aqui p’alla buscando elbuyo. Y despues se les hace poco el sueldoor demasiado duro el trabajo... ya cuandoeso, nadie los aguanta... se ponen flojos...como los pochos que no mas quieren quealguien los soporta... si la vida aqui avecesse pone carancho, pero fijate que al que nole tiene miedo al trabajo siempre tiene labarriga llena... no como en Mexico. No esverdad Pedro?

Pedro: Simon. Pero los mas huevones sonlos que no se atreven a venir. Imaginate elbuey que tiene ninos con hambre y ni coneso se anima a cruzar. Esos son los quemenos me sacan el respeto. No sonhombres... no encuentro palabras paradecirle de la verguenza... el dolor... lahumillacion... que uno pasa... que hasta lospelados sienten... en no poder darle decomer a su familia... el que se deja asoportar eso no es hombre... “

Iris: Mr. Rudy, It’s that sometimes thesecomrades come [to the U.S.] supposedly towork hard for their children... like many ofus come. But they start running back andforth looking for the action. And then theystart thinking that the pay is too low or thework is too hard... and when that happensnobody can stand them... they get lazy... likethe Chicanos who just want someone tosupport them... the life here may get hard attimes... but the person who’s not afraid towork won’t have an empty stomach... notlike in Mexico. Isn’t that right, Pedro?

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Pedro: Yeah. But the real lazy-asses are theones who don’t dare to come. Imagine theasshole who can’t even be motivated tocross [the border] by his hungry children.Those are the ones who I respect the least.They’re not men... there are no words I canuse to describe the embarrassment... thepain... the humiliation... even a young kidfeels... in not being able to feed yourfamily... the person who resigns himself tothat is not a man...”

Iris later confided in me that the reason forPedro’s rant was because his initial plans were tocome to the U.S. with his older brother-in-law, whoat the last minute lost his nerve. Despite his ties toDetroit, his family did not approve of Pedro comingbecause he was only 17 years old at the time.According to my informants, it is not uncommonfor boys as young as 14 years old to cruzar (cross),especially if they are among the oldest males in thefamily. Pedro was, in fact, the oldest male of sixsiblings living with his mother. And, he was aprimary provider since both his father and olderbrother lost their lives cruzando (crossing) becausea coyote (a person who facilitates border crossings),to whom they paid their family fortune, abandonedthem in the Arizona desert. One of his older sisterswas married. The other sister lived with him andhis family. However, it was explained to me thateven the most desperate of families shy fromsending women, especially young single women, tocruzar because of the particularly heinous treatmentto which they are subjected by coyotes.

In addition to Pedro regularly sending money tohis mother, Iris encourages him to make an effort tohelp his sister out by sending money and clothing.Pedro absolutely detests the fact that he is standingin for his brother-in-law. According to Iris, he notonly feels betrayed by the man because lo dejoparao (left him standing), but he also feels like hisbrother-in-law se esta aprovechando (takingadvantage). According to Iris, Pedro tells fewpeople about the situation because instead of takingpride in providing for his sister’s family, he feelsembarrassed about being the brunt of his brother-in-law’s pendejada (stupidity). His dream is oneday to provide a way for his family to come toDetroit. However, according to Iris, his brother-in-

law is not included in his dream. As far as Pedro isconcerned, he has another child in Mexico.Although surrogacy was not widely reported by myinformants, Pedro was not alone in assumingfatherhood responsibilities for a child who he didnot sire. One young Chicano who was referred tome by one of my lateral informants, I did notinclude in my sample for reasons that will becomeobvious. This young man was a frequent client of aneighborhood agency that provided support foryoung people. Its programs were primarilydesigned to offer adolescents with opportunities tocomplete their GED. It provided clientele withclasses, tutoring and advice related to employmentacquisition (e.g., interviewing skills, assistance inapplications, etc.).

As a way to encourage adolescents to develop“life skills” young parents were offered incentives,usually through free coupons or other small“giveaways,” to create “positive experiences” fortheir children. These experiences ranged fromregularly bathing their child to strolling them toneighborhood parks. Young fathers were especiallyencouraged to take initiative in generating theseexperiences. A great amenity received by thesefathers was that the staff “don’t sweat them forsmall shit if they doin’ they thing.” After an initialinterview with the young man in question, I wasinformed by one of his peers that he was “posing.”That is, he led the staff to believe that he fatheredthe child of a young woman in the program so thathe could exploit what little extra services that wereprovided. The young woman reluctantly confirmedthe situation but begged me not to “rat” thembecause her “baby daddy don’t do shit.” Although itwas a hoax and she saw the “poser” only when sheattended the programs, she did appreciate hiscontributions, which ultimately allowed her also toreceive extra incentives. However, she alsoadmitted that she enjoyed the notion of having a“baby daddy” involved, “even if it’s just forpretend.” I did not “rat” them. In a subsequentconversation with a staff member, I learned that thestaff knew about the charade all along. Theytolerated it because “few things in life make theseyoung women happy, and it’s good training for himbecause o tarde o temprano (sooner or later) —probably temprano mas que tarde (sooner ratherthan later) — he’s gonna’ be a daddy.”6

In another surrogate situation, fatherhood takeson the form of familistic obligation. Robert is a 24-year-old Chicano who, at the time of theinterviews, cohabited with his on-again/off-againgirlfriend, Suzi, who is 23 years old. Together, theyhave a 5-year-old son. Robert works as a framerand has so for the past few years. However, work isnot always steady, so he supplements his income bydoing odd jobs, or what he called “macheterocarpentry.” “You know, like when people need stuffdone — doors, windows, porches — without apermit. It’s not my gig but as long as people ain’ttoo picky, I can get paid.” He works very hard toprovide “a decent life” for his son. He is fiercelyprotective of his son and demands that Suzi keephim well-groomed and that she not take him tocertain places in the neighborhood that he considers“skanky.” Despite the costs and his tenuous workschedule, Robert plans on enrolling his boy in aneighborhood Catholic school because he does notwant him around “the neighborhood chusma”(riffraff). In Robert’s words:

“Listen, I love Bobby [son]... well he’s notreally my son... no, fuck it, he’s my son... Imean, he’s really my nephew, but I’m beinghis dad. He knows me as his dad. I knowthis may sound screwed up to you but... Alittle while ago my carnalote (older brother)got twisted up with some stupid shit andwent inside [prison]. Things went bad forhim... a vato ended up dying and he wasn’tever gonna’ see daylight again. Man, I triedto talk to him [chokes up]... visit him whenI could. But back then I was still tryin’ toget straight myself, sabes (you know)? Hejust couldn’t handle it... things just got toomuch for him. They say he killed himself,but I don’t believe it. He would have toldme something was up. I mean, he wasalways telling me to take care of Bobby, butwe were tight, like carnales (brothers)should be... He told me that there was sometorcidos (bad guys) inside that knew thevato that died... he killed... Listen, mycarnal wasn’t no torcido. He wasn’t nokiller. That shit that went down was becauseit was him or the other guy. That’s theneighborhood. That’s how we do it downhere. What was he suppose to do? Let the

other vato do him? He had too much to livefor, man. He was all about taking care of hisbaby boy... I know folks don’t have muchrespect for vatos that end up like my carnal[brother] but, shit, he died tryin’. Nofucking way que se mato (killed himself)...he died tryin’... that’s what I’m gonna’ tellBobby about his jefe (father)... he died doin’what he had to do... he was a warrior...”

In a subsequent interview with Suzi, sheexplained how she and Robert got close and endedup being a couple. Although their relationship hadbeen marked with frequent breakups, most recentlythey decided to move in together and raise Bobbyas a couple. They plan to marry if they can makethings work out.

“When [he] was in prison, me and Robertgot real close because he would try to takeme over there to see him... and he would tryto bring things over for Bobby... help meout with groceries and pampers... sometimeseven watch Bobby when I had to go to thelawyer’s or do other things... [but] wouldnever take Bobby so I could go out withfriends. After [he] died, Robert sold his carto help pay for the funeral... he paid formost of it... and then he really startedspending time with us. I think Bobbyreminds him of his brother... they reallyloved each other... he still hurts so badbecause I think he blames himself. I used totell him all the time that [he] was his olderbrother and that he never wanted that sort ofjunk for him [Robert]. He would just getmad and take off... I’ve learned not to messwith him when he’s in one of his moods...it’s better just to let him be... get past it byhimself... sooner or later he comes back toBobby, usually with some kind of present. Ithink it’s his way of apologizing to Bobby...maybe even his brother... for being weak. ...I know this don’t look right. My abuela(grandmother) says it’s a sin... ‘Hay quebarbaridad. Es pecao, nina. No seassinverguenza. Te hemos ensenado major.Eso es cosa de malcriados...” (Whatbarbarism. It’s a sin, child. Don’t beshameless. That’s a thing of poorly raised7

people...’). That I’m going to have toanswer to God for sleeping with my son’suncle. But you know what? It really wasn’tthat deep between me and [his brother]. Imean, shit, Robert thinks his brother wassome kind of great father... a saint... but henever did half the shit that Robert does forme and Bobby. Really, all he did was getme pregnant... he was too wrapped up withhis friends... la vida... to pay much attentionto us. Half the time when he came around,he was drunk and just wanted to get laid...would slap me around because I didn’t wanthim to wake up the baby and then leave. ... Ilove Robert because he’s everything that hisbrother wasn’t. I could never tell him thatthough because it would piss him off. Youknow, when Robert gets in one of his moodssometimes he gets obsessed with finding outwho killed his brother. ... It doesn’t matterto me whether he killed himself or someonekilled him... it was still his own stupid assshit that put him in that situation to beginwith. Shit, after getting pregnant by him,how many other stupid ass things do youthink I was able to do get away with doingbecause I ended up being a mom and a dadto his kid? ... I love Bobby... he’s my life.And I love Robert, too, because he’s a realman... but probably the best thing that everhappened to me and Bobby is that his fatherwas killed...”

Suzi’s perspective offers a seldom heard voice inliterature focused on issues related to youngfatherhood. As was most often the case,corresponding young mothers’ accounts of parentalor spousal relations turned into opportunities to “setthe record straight.” For the most part theirtestimony offered a valuable tool with which totranslate the meaning or rationale for what youngfathers do. For instance, Toño, a 19-year-oldmarried Chicano, attributed the reason for hisconstantly leaving his wife to her bickering abouthis refusal to quit partying at night with his friends.According to him, she had “mental problems that

run in her family” that led her to make occasionalsuicide attempts. However, Chela, his 18-year-oldwife was quick to point out that she felt a bitoverwhelmed by the fact that her parents returnedto Mexico and had access few resources outside ofToño’s family network. Although they treated herwell, they refused to acknowledge Toño’s abusivetreatment toward her that at times degenerated tophysical violence. “Que mas podia hacer? Mecorte y llame a la suegra. Haci me tuvieron queescuchar... (What more could I do? I cut myself andcalled my mother-in-law. That way they had tolisten).”

Fools Don’t Rush In

A strong implication presented by research onyoung parenting is that urban culture encouragesrampant and irresponsible fatherhood. Anothercommon assertion is that, at least for Latinos,fatherhood encourages young men to move awayfrom the criminality inherent in street life (seeBourgois, 1995; Moore, 1991; Vigil, 1988; SanchezJankowski, 1991). However, the case of Toñorepresents an important departure from establishedinformation on young men heavily involved ingang activity. Toño was born and raised in Detroitto immigrant parents. However, his parents own arestaurant, own low-income rental properties, andrun a construction team. Most, if not all, of theiremployees and tenants were recent immigrants.Consequently, Toño’s social networks werecomprised primarily of recent immigrants. Also asa consequence, Toño rarely spoke English andpreferred the company of Mexicanos. At an earlyage, he became deeply embedded in aneighborhood gang of Mexicano youth. Accordingto his father, and later his mother, he cameseriously close to losing his life on severaloccasions. After several failed attempts atintervention (for instance, sending him to live withrelatives in another state) and their house beingshot up by his associates, they thought it best tobanish him from the household for fear of harmcoming to other family members.

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At 16 years of age, Toño announced to his fatherthat his fellow gang members would let him retirefrom the gang without incident, if, and only if, hewere marry and have a child. In his father’s words:

“Pues que mas hubo que hacer? No mecallo el idea de ser abuelo... y menos lecallo a mi vieja. Pero el pelado se iba casaranyways... algun dia. Why not now, no? Y ledigo como andaba aquel cabron, se ibaencontrar al diablo. O yo mismo lo iba amatar... Dice que quiere ser policia ometerse a la infantaria... y realmente se mehace buen idea... Ojala lo haga, at least silo matan alli le daran benefits a mi nieto...aqui si lo matan, nel...”

“Well what else was there to do? I didn’tlike the idea of becoming a grandfather...and my wife liked the idea less. But the kidwas going to get married eventually,anyway. Why not now, no? And I’ll tell youthat that idiot was on his way finding thedevil. Or I was going to kill him myself...He wants to be cop or join the infantry, andreally, I think it’s a good idea...I hope hedoes it... if he killed over there, at least mygrandson will receive benefits... if he getskilled in the neighborhood, he’ll getnothing...”

When interviewed Toño, he had already beenmarried for almost two years and his son wasalmost three years old. Despite his associates’promise to leave him alone, he was still strugglingto “stay away.” When I asked him what fatherhoodhas meant to him, his response was:

“For me? I never really thought about it. Iguess it just is. At first, I was havingproblems being on my own when my oldman me tiro (tossed me from my home).Chingaos, it’s a lot harder out there thanyou think. He just put me out... no garras(clothes)... no feria (money)... no refin(food)... Shit I wasn’t afraid of thosependejos (assholes), a mi me tenian miedo(they were afraid of me). They shot at myhouse... I shot at theirs. That’s the way we

do it here... Chale (no), I was used toeating my mom’s guizo (stew). When thosevatos gave me salida (an out), I didn’t thinknothin’ of it. What’s the big deal? Chelaalready thought she was pregnant,comoquiera (anyway). Actually, the wholething me encabrono (got me mad). Youknow, here these pinche rancheros (fuckingfarm boys) come here and think they wantto be down... run with the locos (gangs) andthen they come up with this kind of stupidshit. Don’t get me wrong. I love my son...Chela’s another story...I don’t want to dealwith that right now. Me entiendes (do youunderstand) though? That’s why these vatos(guys) can’t get no pinche respect from theother clicas (gangs)... because of stupid shitlike this. After that I didn’t want to run withthose pussies anyways — I got some newcamaradas. I tell you what, though, my oldman’s not on my ass too much anymore. Aslong as I keep it up, I got a place to stay... inmy old man’s apartment. I bring home themaza (dough) and Chela takes care of thekid... not bad, it’s just boring as hell... Iwant excitement in my life... That’s whyI’m working on my GED, so I can become acop and shoot some vatos... if that don’twork out, me voy a dar de alto (enlist)... Iwanna’ shoot some fuckers... be my ownmuthafucka.”

Several months after this interview, Toño’s fathercalled me to let me know that he would be in myarea to do a construction job and wondered if itwould be all right to swing by my house drop offsome tamales his wife had prepared for my family.Instead, I went to his construction site with coldwater and fruit for his workers. During our visit, heinformed me that both Toño and Chela did, indeed,complete the GED’s that they were working onwhen I interviewed them. He was also fairly proudto announce that Toño had subsequently joined thearmy and was finishing up his infantry training inGeorgia in anticipation to being deployed to Iraq.And, Chela and the baby were living with him andhis wife. “Por fin me nacio macho... (finally ason/man/male was born to me... ).”

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Women’s Work: Fatherhood by Committee

Dispersal and Clustering

History bears out that a common strategy forresisting structural oppression is family dispersal,whereby families extend resources as well asresponsibilities to multiple households. Because ofthe large presence of single, female-headed familiesin inner-cities, mothers are necessarily vital agentsin determining family relations and copingstrategies. Dispersal was a common tactic amongthe Chicano families in my sample, however thearrangements varied from case to case. In all cases,however, it remains important to consider thecomplexities of multiple family relations in order tounderstand the multiple meanings that young menattach to fatherhood, for they are intertwined withand dependent on their family relations.

The above diagram represents a general familyarrangement for the young men in my sample. Eachsphere represents a component of a kin systemwhose collaborative efforts contribute to thesustained financial support and participation thatyoung fathers provide for their children. The arrowsrepresent the directional flow of resources andresponsibilities as different components of thefamily. For instance, dads provided resources fortheir sanguineal families as well as their child, andin most cases their child’s mother. The moms, inaddition to doing what dads did, also were expectedto provide direct resources to the child, as well asto mediate relationships that dads had with theirchildren regardless of their living arrangements. It

was the resources found in the intersection of bothsanguineal families what under girded stability forthese aspirant young parents. More often than not,grandmothers created pacts to encourage situationsthat facilitated relationships between moms, dadsand children.

Stepick (1998: 22) describes children as “socialcement” that holds families together and aid insettlement. He was primarily describing howchildren facilitated relationships for transnationalHaitian families in that children were sent to andfrom Haiti to strengthen or maintain family bonds.Here, children were more like catalysts for familybonds in that they provided a common source ofwhat young men and their families consideredobligations: what they had to do. In many cases, thechildren motivated families that absolutely detestedone another for varying reasons, most of which hadto do with pressure associated with either youngparenting, conflicting values, or scarce resources, towork together to create strategies that allowedchildren to have access to multiple sources ofmaterial or emotional support. The exchange wasthat, indirectly, children provided a much neededsource of accomplishment for their fathers. Theyprovided them with a way to construct ameaningful, respectable and individual positionwithin a family system whose collaborative hadtendencies to subordinate any one individual’saccomplishments. In effect, it was the women’swillingness to mask their own maternal strategiesfor creating situations, circumstances, and at timesepisodes through children in order to allow youngmen to do what they thought they had to do.

The next diagram represents an extremely elusivefamily sub-configuration of the above-mentionedschema. However, all the men in my sampleaspired to that type of independence. Despite theephemeral quality of just about everything in theseyoung men’s live, including the relationships theyhad with their children’s mothers, at the time of theinterviews four of the men (three Chicanos, oneMexicano) in my sample considered themselveslucky enough to be “measuring up” to what theybelieved to be an ultimate perfunctory offatherhood: independence.

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An expedient explanation would be that the olderChicanos had much more established networksfrom which to draw resources, or that therelationships they had with their children’s motherswere much more stable. This certainly may havebeen the case, although of the four couples, onlyone (Chicano) was married and they happened tobe the youngest of the four independentlycohabiting couples. Upon closer scrutiny, however,the independence that these young couples enjoyedwas mostly propped up by their sanguineal familycontributions. For example, one couple lived in anapartment owned by a family member, andconsequently did not pay rent. Another couple livedin the upstairs flat of the maternal grandmother inexchange for maintenance, and received freechildcare. Another couple both were employed bythe paternal grandparents, lived in an apartmentowned by the paternal grandparents, and receivedfree childcare. And the last couple occupied a flatabove a restaurant where they both worked and wasowned by a relative, who also provided childcare.

These families, though apparently independent,were more like outposts for larger systems whosedecisions and activities affected their day-to-dayfamily dynamic. It was common for these men to

struggle with having their family decisions upendedby the need to consider their benefactors’contributions. The language these men used toarticulate what they felt fatherhood meant wastenuously, at times sarcastically or ironically,steeped with referrals to independence. However,when probed, they acknowledged the importance ofextended family to their abilities to provide stabilityfor their children, something they felt they did nothave themselves as children. Stability for these menwas tantamount in importance to what thetransnational fathers considered self-sacrifice.

The following diagram represents another sub-configuration of extended family network system.Six of my sample couples (one Chicano) lived inthe following household/family configuration.While it is acknowledged that families andhouseholds are two different concepts, theoverwhelming majority of my sample considerablyblurred those boundaries. In a broad sense, theMexicano families in this group could have beenconsidered dispersed across national boundaries,however, their strategies would be better describedas family clustering. It is not unusual, especially forLatinos, for multiple generations to reside withinthe same household.

A typical arrangement is for an elderlygrandparent or single, elderly aunt/uncle to beresiding with a family; just as common in innercities is for people to be raising grandchildren. TheChicano couple and their children shared a housewith the paternal grandmother. The grandmotherwas barely 39 years old, or at least so she claimed(I only say it this way because I have two sistersand one comadre who have been 39 years old forthe past 12 years.) She was hardly an elderly parentbeing supported by a younger family. In fact, she

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took great pride in being able to help her son be the“provider that he is.” She made it clear in herstatement that she would “be damned if [she] wasgoing to lose [her] son to another family.” Althoughshe contributed much in the way of day-to-dayexpenses, she “was no gotdam babysitter” andexpected him to contribute to household expensesand to do maintenance on the house. She alsoexpected the child’s mother to contributefinancially; as well as to “pick up” (clean) thehouse, cook, and do laundry. The young motherdropped her children off at her own mother’shouse, daily, while she was at work.

Although their family configurations weresuperficially similar to the above situation, theMexicanos in this group resided with several familymembers who were at times distant relatives,compadres (co-parents), padrinos (godparents), oreven non-related recent arrivals from theirhometowns. Their households operated as units inthat resources as well as responsibilities wereshared. For instance, Miguel and Sandra, marriedand both 24 years old, and their three children,resided in a house with Miguel’s younger brother,his girlfriend and her child from a previousrelationship; as well as a male cousin whoanticipated the arrival of his wife. There appearedto be a hierarchy of order based on status. Miguel,although younger than his male cousin, made,according to him, all major decisions that affectedthe organization in the household. Miguel had beenin Detroit almost five years and had facilitated thearrival of all others in the house, save for his twoyounger children who were born in Detroit. Heconsidered himself el que manda (the one whoorders — the boss). He explains:

“Aqui el unico que manda soy yo... no meimporta lo que digan los de mas. Esta es micasa. Yo pago la renta... aveces aunque losdemas no tengan... Cuando recien llegadomi hermano el plan era mitas-mitas y no ledaba lata si aveces andaba pelao porqueandaba solano...bastante nos ayudaba conlos ninos. Ahora que anda con la Meche ysu caramba esquinqle... si, tiene que afuercitas ‘pay up, man.’ Y al primo, pues, nole gusta mucho porque alli en Mexico se

daba como el gran chingon... pero aqui enDetroy el que chinga es el que tienepapiras... no soporto que se pongan pedos oque vengan sus amigos vagos... ni hombrevago ni hombre soltero... no quiero esapendejada para mis familia... y al que no lecae, que se larga...”

“The only boss here is me... I don’t carewhat anyone else says. This is my house. Ipay the rent... sometimes even when no oneelse can help... When my brother firstarrived from Mexico, the deal was to spliteverything down the middle and I wouldn’tbother him when he was broke because hewas alone... he was a great help with thekids. Now that he’s with Meche and herbrat... yes, now he has no choice but to payup, man. And my cousin doesn’t like it toomuch because he thought he was the bigshot in Mexico... but here in Detroit, theonly big boss is the one who has papers... Idon’t allow for them to get drunk or fortheir lazy bum friends to come around... notlazy bums not single men... I don’t wantthat nonsense for my family... and if theydon’t like, it they can take off...”

Women in these households formed cooperativerelationships in which they shared housekeepingduties, childcare and freely nurtured one another’schildren. Their relationships with other householdwomen were a lot less hierarchical and seemed toassign tasks and duties based on skills andcircumstances. For instance, Sandra was muchmore accepting of the union between Meche andher brother-in-law, and considered Meche to be awelcomed addition to the household. However,Sandra’s lengthier experience with living in Detroitprovided an opportunity to seek better employmentthan Meche. Consequently, Meche did childcare,maintained the household and, more often than not,cooked meals. Although Sandra relished her time inthe workforce and enjoyed the fact that she couldhide money for personal luxuries, she also hadmisgivings about how close her children, andperhaps spouse, were getting with Meche. Sheexplains:

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“Imaginate, yo sola detras de los ninos ytambien sirvendoles a tres hombres. Hay,cuando por fin vino la Meche, me di luegoluego al restauran del tio. No queria que meganara aquella la chanza. Chihuahuas, quesuerte. Al principio, mi viejo no queria quese quedaran mi cunado y la Meche connosotros... dicia que buscabamos problemascon tantas mujeres en casa... y ademas no lecallo bien el idea de que su hermanito seencostalara con nino de otro... o que sefuera ella o que se fueran los tres... casi loshecha a los tres... que pecado... Pero yo lefui diciendo que era su deber como hombrecuidar a su hermanito. Y ademas, ya quehabia otra mujer en casa, yo podia buscarjale con el tio... entre yo y el cune poco apoco lo aflojamos. Ahora, a vez en cuandole doy a La Meche unas moneditas para quese compre sus tiliches... asi no le da paramaltrata a mis hijos ni a onteojar a miesposa... la estoy wachando... no me caenada come se chifla aveces con lo mio...pero tampoco me cae estar encerrada en lacasa...”

“Imagine taking care of the children andthree men, too. Sheesh, when Meche finallycame, I went right away to the uncle’srestaurant to find work... I didn’t want herto beat me to it. What luck. In thebeginning, my husband didn’t want mybrother-in-law and Meche to stay with us...he said that we were just looking forproblems with having so many women inthe house... and he also didn’t like the ideaof my brother-in-law being saddled withsomeone else’s child... he almost kicked allthree of them out... what a sin... but I startedputting in his head that it was his obligationas a man to take care of his little brother...also, another woman in the house wouldfree me up to work for the uncle... betweenme and the bro-in-law, we loosened him up.Now, every once in a while I Meche somemoney to buy her things... that way shewon’t be inclined to mistreat my kids oreyeball my husband... I’m watching her... I

don’t like the way she sometimes getscoquettish with what’s mine... but I alsodon’t like being locked up in the house...”

A major feature of fatherhood for these men wasdriven by their need to keep order, not perhaps bytheir desire to give orders. Their parentalobligations were pooled and at times subordinatedto the needs of a collective household. It wascommon for younger fathers, or those with lessstatus, to defer many parental decisions to morepowerful men in the group. As is apparent from theabove testimony, women were critical componentsin not only creating situations that allowed men toachieve a sense of household stasis, their work wasalso an important part of maintaining ties to familymembers outside the household who providedresources. Perhaps most important to this analysisis that it represents a scenario of men and womenworking together to thwart a gender regime thatsubordinates less powerful men and women.

The diagram below represents a very commonfamily configuration, perhaps the way in whichmost young men experience fatherhood. Eight menin my sample resided in family households that didnot include their children. Of the eight men, fivewere Chicano and three were Mexicano. Six ofthese men were among the youngest of my sample;all 20 years old or younger. One Chicano was theoldest (25), and one Mexicano was 22 years old.Aside from the two older men, the Chicanos in thisgroup lived in very typical family arrangements.

These men, at the time of the interviews, livedwith their parents and visited their child, who livedwith its mother and her family. Although all ofthem financially contributed to their child in

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varying degrees, they relied heavily on their ownparents to facilitate the relationships with thechild’s mother’s family. In all four cases, thefamilies lived in close proximity of one another andhad known each other for several years. Two ofthese men did not consider themselves to beromantically involved with their child’s mother; theother two were “having problems.” Most of theproblems were related to “gettin’ sweated” by theirchild’s mother for either money or time. As Raul, a20-year-old Chicano who is simultaneously in theprocess of moving in with his cousins andexperiencing relationship difficulties withgirlfriend, Jessica, who is also 20 years old:

“Dude, I just want out. All Jessica wantsfrom me is money. I don’t know what elseto do. My parents take care of the baby alot. But I gotta’ work, man. I want to go tocollege, too. She ain’t the only one who gotplans. If it ain’t enough that she’s always upmy ass for one thing or another, or wants todrop the baby off on the weekends becauseshe wants to go out... My parents ain’t gota problem with watching the baby if it’s fora good reason... on the weekends, though,they make me stay home with her. It’s okaysometimes, but I gotta’ have fun, too. Myparents told me that if I didn’t start takingbetter care... I was going to have to leave.So, I’m leaving. I thought for sure they’dback off because I told them I wouldn’tbring the baby by anymore. Riiiiiight.Jessica’s parents are compadres... Actually,they’re my padrinos... When Jessica gotpregnant, I didn’t have the nerve to tell myparents... and I was really afraid of herdad... the vato’s scary... Jessica told me thather dad hit the roof when she told him...said he wanted to kill me... her mom calmedhim down and then they came to talk to myparents. My ma and my nina (godmother)cried... my dad got drunk with Jessica’s dad.Afterwards they offered me a beer. I wasreally surprised because my old man isreally strict... beat my ass when I got drunkat Jessica’s quinceanera... they said that

between the two of them, they’d make anhonest man out of me. I thought for surethey were talking about me gettingmarried... I ready to run then... I’ve knownJessica all my... heck, we were more likebrother and sister than... since then, mypadrinos treat me more like a son. They’rethe ones who are always looking out for me.They’re the ones who will back Jessica off...heck, sometimes they even back my parentsoff. They ask me about life... tell me I’m agood father because I go over there to spendtime with the baby... tell me to give Jessicaa chance... Things ain’t been the same withmy parents, though. All they can see is myfaults... I don’t know how many times I canlisten to my dad tell me I’m not a man,anymore... that’s why I’m leaving. Heck,sometimes I think me and Jessica shouldjust switch houses... I love my child but Idon’t gotta’ love Jessica... how come theycan’t see that?”

The relationship that Raul’s and Jessica’s familieshave built around the well-being of their children aswell their grandchildren is exceptional only in itscommonality. In this case, the kin networkpreceded the birth of the child and the strength ofits establishment carried both young parentsthrough difficult situations. In other cases, the birthof a child precipitated family situations thatencouraged otherwise separate kin networks tooverlap to create a substantial support system foryoung parents. In fact, in the case Adan, a 22-year-old Mexicano who lived in Detroit with cousinsand whose 22-year-old wife and two children livedin Mexico, his choice in partners was actuallystrategic. As he explains:

“Yo no tenia familia en Detroy hasta que nome case con Amalia. Mi ama me pucho queme casara con ella en vez de otra... no haypedo... los primos me consiguieron trabajoy me ensenaron como es la chingadera demandar fondos... aunque se molesta unpoco que estoy tan lejos... aqui andojalando con los primos...”

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“I didn’t have family in Detroit until Imarried Amalia. My mom pushed me intomarrying her instead of another... no bigdeal... the cousins found me a job andshowed me the business of sending money...even though it bothers her a bit that I’m sofar away... I’m here working with mycousins...”

Despite not residing with their children, both ofthese types of family relations allow for young mento construct their sense of fatherhood throughdifferent components of their family network’svalidation. These partnerships create a situation thatsimultaneously pushes these young men towardincorporating obligation for children within therubric of their sense of fatherhood while alsostrengthening their sense of belonging to a largerfamily network. For these young men, their ownparents had a lot to do with how they didfatherwork and what they perceived it to mean.

Henry, a 25-year-old Chicano who resided withhis new girlfriend, Nica, and her child from anotherrelationship, also experienced a similar familyconfiguration. The major difference in this case isthat Henry’s ex-girlfriend and child live with hisown mother. Per Henry, it was supposed to be atemporary situation but they have been living offand on for the past four years. He has mixedfeelings, but talks about the major advantages foreveryone involved:

“It’s all good, I guess. I mean, Nica don’tlike it... but she’s just got to deal with it. Myjefita (mom) knew [my ex’s] mom for along time... since back in the day... the goodthing is that since my baby bro went away[to school] my moms ain’t alone. She takescare good of my little man, because I can’tbe there all the time... before, [my ex’smom] used to take care him and it was kindof hard to get her to let me come aroundwhen I wanted to see him. Her mom stillwatches him during the day, but I can seehim in the evenings when my jefita takesover... she [my mom] won’t let her [my ex]bring other dudes around, either...

sometimes I just want to take him awayfrom [ex-girlfriend]... you know, have himwith me all the time... especially now that Isettled down with Nica... Nica’s always onme to do that, but it’s good for my momsand it gives me an excuse go see her...things just weren’t good between us becauseof all the dumb shit I used to do... nowthey’re getting’ better... but she still takes[my ex’s] side when she’s sweatin’ me forsupport... she [mom] don’t want hear shit,man... she just wants to see me pay... showme da feria (money), homes... My momsstill don’t like Nica too much... but everynow and then I take baby girl [Nica’sdaughter] over there and la jefita (mom)unloosens a little because of she not everhaving any girls... still don’t dare to takeNica there... but one day...”

Henry’s mother created a situation that not onlyprovided resources for her grandchild and hismother, she also encouraged her son to befinancially responsible and enabled him to dofatherwork with minimal interruption from a hostileex-girlfriend. As a consequence of this familyconfiguration and relations, Henry’s sense offatherhood was, in many ways, a balance struckbetween his desire to be involved with his son andthe need he felt to take care of his mother. For him,the ultimate fatherhood prize will be when he canincorporate his new family into his extendednetwork.

Conclusion

This work has visited the many ways familiesorganize themselves to maximize their capacitiesfor surviving on limited resources — family copingstrategies — whether through a failed attempt toenganchar (hook) a potential source of remittanceor through creating family relations via strategicallyplaced grandchildren. Also witnessed were youngmen utilizing the same systems upon which to buildtheir visions of fatherhood. For most of theseyoung men, however elusive, stability andindependence, figure strongly into that vision. And,

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despite the remarkably different experiences theyhave with constructing fatherhood, what remainedconstant were two key elements: (1) theircontributions as fathers, though at time tenuous,were as dependent on, as they were important to,the inventiveness of their family networks; and (2)the quality and quantity of fatherwork they did waslargely dependent the amount they were able to orwilling to subordinate themselves to the collectivegood of their family system. In other words, self-sacrifice, whether through denying themselves whatone would consider modest staples in ordermaximize remittances or through supporting asibling’s child or perhaps even by trading theexcitement offered by la vida for an infantry unitand a steady paycheck, was the tool with whichthey fashioned their triumph over the often brutalcircumstances that accompanied their journeytoward fatherhood.

Through the course of this analysis, it becameobvious to me that the two groups of men in mysample expressed a fair amount of disdain for oneanother. Mexicanos characterized Chicanos as weakfor their inability to ignore la vida and stay focusedon family. They felt they were lazy and unable to orunwilling to sacrifice what they considered to beextraneous pleasures in order to look after theirfamilies. The Chicanos could not reconcile whatthey perceived to be the Mexicanos’ weakness:letting themselves be mistreated or exploited —prostituting their labor, perhaps even theirmanhood. For one group, the strength of theirfatherhood lies in their humility; the other, in theirbravado. What they have in common is theircapacity to face the beast — “la vida aqui” — “lavida” — without flinching.

What does fatherhood mean for these men? Tosome it is a strategy or a compromise; to others, anescape, a ticket in, even sometimes a ticket out.Perhaps Henry explains it best: “... it just is, man.”Henry’s sage advice that “90% of being a pops isjust showing up. The hard part is still showing upwhen you got nothin’ to give,” also tells us what allthese men fear the most: the pain and humiliation

of not being able to provide; the data tell us that afair portion of that 90% could be attributed towomen either enabling or forcing them to show up.If nothing else, these data — no, these men — tellus that fatherhood is a concept and a process, bothof which are quite capable of allowing men tocreate multiple meanings that validate theirfatherhood expressions. The decisions men made— the ones they had to and the ones they wanted to— in relation to their concept of fatherhood, makeabsolutely no sense when considered outside thecontext of their broader family dynamic, regardlesstheir age, citizenship status or living arrangements.Their stories represent to us a fatherhood process,dynamic and flexible, that is both shaped by andhelps to shape their experiences of trying to avoid“showing up with nothing with nothin’ to give.”

Much of my analysis is guided by the generativefathering approach. Hawkins and Dollahite (1997:xiv) describe it as an analytic lens that “recognizesfathers’ current contributions to the development ofthe next generation, the constraints under whichmost fathers labor, the good desires men have to begenerative fathers, and their efforts to improve.”The words “generative fathering” and “fatherwork”are interchangeable terms used to describe the workmost men do to meet the needs of their childrenand next generation. When applied to Latinos, or atleast the men in this study, perhaps “familywork”would be much more accurate term.

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