L2L TG Notes 2014 1

Learning Objectives The most important Leadership skill is Communication.

The most important Communication skill is Listening.

Have you ever been in a situation where people weren’t listening?

Or you thought they were, but they misunderstood?

Or perhaps you misunderstood?

Or perhaps you understood what they said, but you didn’t fully appreciate the importance to

them?

Do you know how to listen effectively?

Effective listening is key to many of the other leadership skills, so it is the first one taught in Wood

Badge. Upon completion of this presentation you will be able to:

Become aware of how we listen.

Explore good listening as a communication skill.

Practice the skills of active and empathetic listening.

Examine the relationship between listening skills and the receiving and giving of

feedback.

L2L TG Notes 2014 2

Role Play Let’s talk about a recent trip or vacation!

Instructions:

Group into pairs, one speaker/one listener

Listener is given behavior card to follow. Behaviors are:

o “Interrupt the speaker”

o “Give advice before speaker is done”

o “Give blank look”

o “Be bored”

Speaker talks to listener for 1-2 minutes about a recent trip or vacation

Ask the speakers: What did you just experience? How did the reactions of the listeners affect

you?

Ask the listeners: How did the speakers respond to your behavior?

Ask the group: What is listening? Why is listening such an important part of learning?

L2L TG Notes 2014 3

Listening is… An essential part of communication…yet we take it for granted.

Not taught in school. There are courses on writing and public

speaking, but seldom does a course focus on the skill of listening.

A skill that can be learned.

This Wood Badge session is designed to change that.

By making ourselves aware of the importance of listening and the ways in which we do it, all of us

can more effectively use listening as a tool for learning and for leadership.

L2L TG Notes 2014 4

Why is Listening a Key Skill of

Leadership? Listening is a primary means for connecting with other people.

Sharing ideas and experiences with one another creates a pool of familiarity

among us. From that grows trust, understanding, an awareness of strengths

and skills - the building blocks of friendships and teamwork.

Listening can be powerful when young people are involved. For many of Scouting age, it is unusual to

have adults truly pay attention to them. Listening to them with care and understanding can be very

meaningful for young people and also for the adults.

Listening provides the means to make decisions and solve problems. Listening is the glue that holds a

team together. It is the doorway through which ideas pass. It is the window in which solutions appear.

Not all people are good at conveying their thoughts. Not everyone is gifted with the

ability to effectively express thoughts and feelings. Misunderstandings and

misinterpretations are often rooted from lack of clear and open communication. Some would

rather opt to stay silent instead of spitting out whatever they wish to say to a person; others

may beat around the bush and mention unnecessary details before spilling out the main

point.

L2L TG Notes 2014 5

“Seek first to understand, then to be

understood.”

Stephen Covey, author of “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”

Seeking to understand someone first involves a deep shift in paradigm.

We typically seek first for people to understand us. Most people do

not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent

to reply. They are either speaking or preparing to speak. They are

filtering everything through their own paradigms, reading their own

autobiography into other people’s lives.

You filter everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference. You check

what you hear against your autobiography and see how it measures up. And consequently, you

decide prematurely what the other person means before he/she finishes communicating. Do any of

the following sound familiar?

"Oh, I know just how you feel. I felt the same way."

"I had that same thing happen to me."

"Let me tell you what I did in a similar situation."

L2L TG Notes 2014 6

Effective Listening Have you ever experienced this?

You’re watching TV (remote in hand, oblivious to the world). Your

spouse is headed out to run an errand and asks you to do something at a

designated time. You respond, “OK.” The designated time arrives and,

if you even remember the request being made, you have no idea what it

was. You’ve demonstrated passive listening, poor understanding, and

given poor performance.

Contrast this scenario:

[use rock climbing belay commands or military submarine commands example]

The [climber/commander] designates the person being spoken to, to ensure his attention before

giving the command. The command is acknowledged and repeated back to ensure proper

understanding before it is executed.

There are two types of effective listening: active and empathetic.

The American Heritage dictionary defines active as “capable of functioning” or “engaged in

activity; contributing; participating.”

What do you think active listening means?

L2L TG Notes 2014 7

Active Listening Reflects back what a person is saying to confirm comprehension; “What I

understand you to be saying is…”, “So what you’re saying is…”, “Let me see if

I heard you correctly…”, “So what you mean is…”, “In other words…”

Rephrases the information and bouncing it back to the speaker, the listener

confirms that the message has been correctly received.

Listeners doing this are not making value judgments.

Strives to hear the message: They are simply making sure they are hearing what the speakers have to say and

they are letting the speakers know that their messages are getting through.

Questions you NEVER ask

o “Why?”

o Questions that assume

o Leading questions: You will destroy the trust built because they’ll feel you’re ramming something down

their throat

o Avoid phrases like:

“Wouldn’t you agree…”

“Don’t you want…”

“Isn’t it true that…”

Now we know what Active Listening is…Let’s move on to Empathetic Listening.

The American Heritage Dictionary defines Empathy as “Understanding so intimate that the feelings,

thoughts, and motives of one are readily comprehended by another.”

What do you think empathetic listening means?

L2L TG Notes 2014 8

Empathetic Listening Is a sincere attempt on the part of a listener to understand

in depth what a speaker is saying.

Empathetic listeners pay attention to more than just the

words they hear. They consider the message package the

speaker is sending by taking care to notice a speaker’s:

o body language

o tone of voice

o emotional sense

Empathetic listening requires listeners to:

Put themselves in the speaker’s place

Imagine things from the speaker’s point of view

Try to understand how the speaker feels

Effective listening is active AND empathetic.

L2L TG Notes 2014 9

Exercise in Effective Listening

Participants form pairs – one speaker, one listener

For several minutes, the speaker will talk about something

they enjoy (hobby, sport, or family activity).

Assign listeners different listening styles:

1. Pay close attention and acknowledge a speaker’s message simply by

saying, “I got it.” Offer no further feedback or judgment.

2. Pay close attention and respond by rephrasing the message.

3. Rephrase the message, and also share any deeper understanding of the

speakers’ feelings. Listeners should take into consideration the speakers’

body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, and other spoken and

silent signals that will help enhance understanding.

Listeners and speakers trade roles and repeat the exercise.

Now ask - Which style was the most effective?

L2L TG Notes 2014 10

Keys to Effective Listening How do we respond when we are hearing something we don’t want to

hear?

When a speaker is angry?

When we are tired or hungry?

One key to effective listening is being aware of our current situation, energy level, and interest. If

we are upset about something, it may affect how we listen. Being drowsy will definitely affect our

attention span. Are you chilly, too hot, late for another appointment? <Distractions>

The second key is monitoring our own state of hearing awareness to help us adjust to better grasp the

message of a speaker. It may be a matter of focusing more on what is being said. Often, though, it may

require calling a time out to:

put on a sweater

have a bite to eat

take care of distracting matters

let your emotions cool

Then you can get back together with the speaker under conditions that are more conducive to good

listening.

Of course, we cannot tailor every listening situation to be ideal. We often find ourselves in

situations with others that make communication difficult. However, good listening skills

L2L TG Notes 2014 11

are powerful tools for calming adversarial situations and finding solutions to

problems.

L2L TG Notes 2014 12

Role Play—Listening in Adversarial

Situations

Ask a volunteer to play the role of a Scout who is angry

about the way others in his unit are treating him.

The troop guide plays the part of a Scout leader.

As the “Scout” expresses his complaints and frustrations, the “Scout leader” uses the

skills of good listening to acknowledge that the message is being received.

“I got it,” is an appropriate response. So is, “This is what I hear you saying...” Encourage

the Scout to keep talking, but offer no judgment or feedback.

It is very likely that the Scout will focus on the negative, complaining about what he or

she doesn’t like. That’s fine, it is often the way people who are upset express themselves.

The Scout leader says, “I hear what you don’t want. Now tell me what you do what.”

Encourage the Scout to keep talking, but focus now on positive aspects of the situation

rather than negative ones.

L2L TG Notes 2014 13

Discussion: Listening in Adversarial

Situations

1. What did you observe?

2. How did the scout react to the leader listening?

3. How did the leader show the scout that he was listening?

• Speakers respond to how others listen to them. Acknowledge but don’t immediately judge

their complaints (“I got it…”). If there is no enabling by the listener, complaints will seem

smaller and ultimately more manageable.

• By taking a negative and flipping it around to a positive, a listener can also structure a

more productive framework for finding solutions. (“I hear what you don’t want; now tell me

what you do want.”)

• A conversation cast in a positive light naturally involves more empathy and support.

Body language of listeners and speakers becomes more open, and chances for resolution are

greatly enhanced.

L2L TG Notes 2014 14

Listeners should always

strive to create a positive

present as opposed to a

negative past.

L2L TG Notes 2014 15

Giving and Receiving Feedback

• Have you ever had someone give you advice about

something? How did it feel to be receiving feedback?

• Have you ever been in a position to tell people how

they can do something better or how they might make

a positive change in their behavior? How did it feel to

be offering feedback?

From time to time, all of us find ourselves giving and receiving feedback. It is a

basic part of team development, of leadership, and of friendships. Feedback can

sometimes be difficult. However, by using effective listening skills, a feedback

situation may be turned into a positive experience.

For feedback to be helpful, both parties must use the skills of effective

listening.

L2L TG Notes 2014 16

Tips on Giving Feedback 1. Be helpful. Consider your motives. Feedback should always

be helpful; otherwise, there is no reason to offer it.

2. Is the recipient open to feedback? Find out if the other

people involved are open to receiving feedback. Listen

carefully, then rephrase what they say to be sure you

understand them.

3. Deal only with behavior that can be changed.

4. Deal with specifics, not generalities.

5. Describe the behavior; do not evaluate it.

6. Describe the impact to you. Let the other person know the impact the behavior has on

you.

7. Accept your responsibility. Use an “I” statement to accept responsibility for your own

perceptions and emotions.

8. Check for understanding. To make sure the recipients of feedback have

understood your message in the way you intended it, ask them to rephrase

what they heard you say.

L2L TG Notes 2014 17

You can give caring feedback

without a good technique, but the

slickest technique in the world

will not hide a lack of caring.

L2L TG Notes 2014 18

Tips on Receiving Feedback

1. Seek out feedback. It will nearly always provide

you with information that will in some way help

you improve your performance.

2. Listen carefully. Receiving feedback requires a heightened awareness of

yourself and the person offering the feedback.

3. Listen actively. Restate the feedback in your own words so that the

speaker knows that the message you are receiving is the same as the one

the speaker intended to send.

4. Listen empathetically. Put feedback in its proper context by observing the

speaker’s body language, tone of voice, and emotions. Consider the

speaker’s reasons for offering feedback.

5. Monitor your emotions. Notice how you are feeling when

someone offers you feedback. Becoming angry or defensive

can cloud your ability to listen effectively.

L2L TG Notes 2014 19

Consider feedback to be a gift.

It truly is.

L2L TG Notes 2014 20

Summary Effective listening…

• Is a learned skill: Effective listening is a skill that each of

us can learn and can constantly improve upon.

• Plays a vital role in relationships and problem solving: Listening plays a vital role

in forming relationships, developing teams, and finding solutions.

• Is active and empathetic: The best listening is both active and empathetic.

• Can turn a negative situation into a positive one.

• Is key to giving and receiving feedback: Listening well is an important part of

both receiving and giving feedback.

Tomorrow we will talk about communication. When we do, remember that receiving a

message (listening) is an important part of communication.

To prepare you for our next session, “Living the

Values”, I will now present you each with an acorn.