Kept Close

A collection of work from January to March 2013

By KC Orcutt

In an effort towards preservation, I have put together a digital zine compilation showcasing my most recent writing. If you follow my personal blog - kcorcutt.tumblr.com - you may have already read majority of what I’m presenting here. Regardless, as always, a genuine thank you for taking the time to read my writing. Onward.

All words and photos © 2013 KC Orcutt

Writer’s Statement

Sayyourwordswith conviction.

cut and paste and print on paperto make people deal with the materialif it’s front of them, they will see itsometimes you have to put it there for themout of necessity out of desire, drive and passionout of no one else doing it

I’mworkingonsomething again.

year of inevitable change

potential is a fire that has yet to catch a flame. but it could. the possibility of potential is there. even when bottled, sealed and pushed to sea temporarily. fuel, heat, oxygen. i’mgathering my elements. anticipating a spark. it’s about to go down.

there’s so much more to me you’ve yet to see.

startthis is the start of somethingi can feel it deep in my bonesand not just because my horoscopeconfirmed what the optimist in me had hoped it wouldin that vague, eloquent waythat horoscopes typically dobut because i can feel itand i believein potential of the days that lie ahead.

natural light is a beautiful and important thing and sometimes i attribute it to my happiness. leaking in through my windows, i can’t even fight against it, regardless of how much i wish i lived in a cave sometimes. patterns on my off-color white walls intersect with a small rainbow tinge because of my speciality glass windows. i look forward to it, even on sundays, the most sacred and lazy of days. i got enough rest. i should begin my day. i went to bed with a smile on my face and when i woke up it was still there. i refuse to believe that some people take life, friendship, love, their blessings, their struggles, for granted in the slightest. even when i’m not particularly pleased, at the very core, i know happiness is within me. all i can do is try to share that optimistic energy with the world, even if sometimes it’s solely a disguised selfish reminder to myself and for myself. when the clouds shift, so does the light show on my wall and to me, it’s just as much a reminder of faith as vines growing against a brick wall. look around you.

i’m amorningperson

for a reason

i want to wake up out of Winter.(enough already)i want to look out the windowin the morning, first thing, andsee the color green, alive and wellliving all around me.my mind is consumed with thoughts of the upcoming awakening of springbut we’ve still got months to go.months of this to go.months. i’ve been living inside of my head(again)and doing everything i possibly canto not let theweather be an excusefor doing nothingunless, of course,

nothingis what i wanttobedoing.

We can all relate to Winter.

captive vs. captivatedheld

like a chain yet to be rusted by rainsecurely wrapped around your foot

after all these yearsyou don’t even notice it anymore

but it’s thereit’s not holding you back

until you notice itand realize you don’t want to fight against it

held captive, held safelike time isn’t moving all that quickly

because you’re not moving with itbut hibernation is meant to be temporary

don’t get too comfortable you curse aloud

maybe the grip must tighten before it loosensyou can’t be set free

not until you’ve learned something

order me to bed, i’ve got nothingyou talk to hear your voice

when you can’t writeyour creative drive is your choice

your hands are dipped in now-dried painta comfortable new skin

you pick at casuallyi see bags under my eyes

they remind me to lose my egowhat if i picked up a pen and forgot what it is i had to do next

Even when your blessing feels like a curse, you must not question yours e l fw o r t h .

burning ants alivelike playing god without god

never said i’m proud

all i know

indifference is my biggest fearbesidesdrowning, knivesand losing my writingin a fire.is this all i have?a precarious blend ofmutterings and ramblings and mistakes and flawsand words and backspaces and torn pagesand nostalgic times and rhymes and how we all used to jokemy life is like a movieexcept being a writer is like being half stupid, half stubborn.

i’m just gonna RUN WITH IT now that I’VE FOUND IT. i don’t have time to QUESTION my CALLING. IT will WORK FOR ME because I WILL WORK FOR IT TOO.

when potential dies(the saddest death of them all) it could have been so

{ moments of appreciation }i think optimists search for things to identify as ‘signs’ in the natural world because hey are happy by nature and want some sort of relatable confirmation to support their hap-

piness, especially because it feels logically unnatural to be happy at times.

i n v i t i n gmy new upstairs neighbors are loud (or this building is thin-ning in its age). i can hear their every step, their voices, their laughter. my sacred silence is interrupted by spoken words i can’t clearly make out. murmurs through shared walls, echoing off what i assume to be high ceilings. nois-es ooze through their floors, bouncing off the bones of my quiet living space and fading off into the air. i’m not both-ered. if i close my eyes, it’s like i live in a city. like i’m not sitting here alone. wondering, will i meet these people let alone get to know them. i want to signal back. but desire is nothing without desire and tonight i can’t be bothered. i will picture strangers sharing stories over wine and not question it further. i like where i live although it took awhile.

it’s called doing your thingit took a bus ride to calm me downto chill me outto bring me back

i had my friends with methrough their music we passed the time in transit together

once i arrivedi followed an upside down mapand got to where i was going anywaylike a local native i road the subwayblending in by not standing outan average day where no one knewi was just visitingjust passing through

eye contact and polite smileskeeping to myselfthinking, i want this all of the time(mainly because i don’t have this all of the time)not now, not yet

modern travels in escapismplaces to call my ownwith or without flags

peace to my city

until next time.