Jokes - Kids Corner

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<p>Student - Teacher JokesTeacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?" Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time." Teacher:&amp;nbspHow old is ur father. Sunny:As old as I am. Teacher:How is it possible? Sunny:He became father only after I was born. Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age? Student:32 yrs. Teacher:How do you know? Student:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad. Teacher:Paul, what is the chemical formula of Water? Paul: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O Teacher: What is this? Paul: Well!! you said it is H2O. Student:(to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink. Teacher:Go run after it. Teacher:Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class? Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down. Teacher: Where does God live? Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom. Teacher: Why do you say that? Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?' Teacher: "Anoop, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?" Anoop: "No, Miss." Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!" Pupil: Sir, Would you mind e-mailing my exam results to my parents? Teacher: But your parents dont have a computer. Pupil: Exactly! A student to his Teacher: I havent got no pencil. Teacher, correcting him: You dont have any pencil. He doesnt have any pencils. We dont have any pencils.Student, with a look of astonishment: Where have all the pencils gone? Teacher to Girl: Why are you late? Girl: I started late from home. Teacher: Why didnt you start early? Girl: By the time I woke up, it was too late to start early Teacher to the Student: Why are you tearing up your homework copy? Student:To keep the elephants away. Teacher: But there are no elephants here. Student: See, how effective it is!!! Teacher: You weren't at school last Friday, Robert. I heard you were at the movie theatre. Robert:That's not true, sir. And I've got the tickets from the football game to prove it. Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I</p> <p>made ugly faces I would stay like that." The student looked up and replied, "Well you can't say you weren't warned, Ms. Smith." Nigel: You said the school dentist would be painless, but he wasn't. Teacher: Did he hurt you? Nigel: No, but he screamed when I bit his finger. Two sisters came home from school crying their hearts out. "What's wrong?" asked their mother. First sister started wailing,"The kids at school make fun of my big feet." "There, there," soothed the mother. "Your feet aren't that big." She turned to the second sister. Now why are you crying?" "Because I've been invited to a ski party &amp; I can't find my skis." "That's okay," said her mother, "you can borrow your sister's shoes." Teacher: How do you spell CAT Sameer: K.A.T Teacher: But dictionary spells it CAT Sameer: You asked me how I spell it? Teacher: A TEACHER ASKS A STUDENT" NAME 5 MILK PRODUCTS? Student:HE SAID"BUTTER , CHEESE , GHEE &amp; 2 COWS. Teacher: Teacher(asks student)-wats ur father names ? student(replys teacher) -his name is BUTTER RED Teacher: teacher(with a surprised face)-wat ? student(replys) -yes maam his name is MAKHAN LAL !!!!! Teacher:Who was Raja Ram Mohan Roy ? Student:They all four were great friends Teacher:"What is your name?". Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai." Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english." Student:"My name is Sunlight." Teacher:how were the exams? Student:the questions were easy but the answeres were hard. Teacher:RAGHU,HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT THE EARTH IS ROUND. RAGHU:I NEVER SAID IT IS ROUND. Teacher:Ritu spell "Blind Bird" RITU:B,l,n,d B,r,d Teacher:Where are the two i's?? RITU:Teacher a blind bird doesn't have eyes! Teacher:????????? Once a techer said to the children:When I will ask you a question give the answer very fast. Teacher:What is the capital of India? Child:Very fast Teacher: WHAT HAPPEN TO GOLD IF EXPOSED IN AIR? RAMESH: IT IS STOLEN,SIR Rahul:Madam my paper is the neatest. Teacher:You haven't written anything. Rahul:That's why it is the neatest. Teacher:Rita,please stand up and answer this question.Why did the calf cross the road? Rita:I don't know ma'm.But I know someone who can answer this question.</p> <p>Teacher:(astonished)Who? Rita:Very simple the calf Teacher:What is the capital of china Student:You Know Teacher:Yes Student:Then why are you asking Teacher"Who has read the 25th chapter?" (almost all the students raise their hands) Teacher"There is no 25th chapter in the book". Teacher:STUDENTS DRAW A PICTURE OF BACTERIA. Student:HERE IT IS MAM. Teacher:WHERE?IT IS BLANK. Student:YOU TOLD THAT BACTERIA CANNOT BE SEEN WITH NAKED EYE ! Teacher:ONCE TEACHER ASKED A CHILD 'WHERE IS THE HIMALAYAS " STUDENT SAID"I DONT KNOW." Student:THEN TEACHER ORDERED HIM TO STAND ON THE CHAIR" THEN STUDENT TOLD THE TEACHER INNOCENTLY "I STILL CAN'T SEE IT." Student: Can you tell me mam, why would a room go to a doctor? Teacher: You stupid! Anyway, what is the answer? Student: Very simple! Because it has always got window-pane! Question:What is the fullform of maths. Anwser:Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students Sir:How can you tell a hawk has good eye sight? Raj:Because I have never seen a hawk wearing spectacles Teacher: Now , Sam , Tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ? Student: No sir , I don't have to my mom is a good cook Teacher:What happened in 1869? Student:Gandhi ji was born. Teacher:What happened in 1873? Student:Gandhiji was four years old. Teacher:Ramya and Shilpa!,why are you late for school,today? Shilpa:Madam,I lost a one rupee coin and was searching for it. Teachear:Ramya,what about you? Ramya:Madam,,I was not able to move beacause I was hiding that coin under my feet. Teacher: Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ? Student : BROTHERLY LOVE A teacher to a Parent: Teacher:Ma'm your son has cheated in his examinations. Parent:You can prove that I am sure Teacher:Well put it this way the first answer of your child's partner was yes. Parent:So that proves nothing . Teacher:But for the second question your son's partner wrote "i dont know" and your son wrote "neither do I" Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey with a stick and I stop him , what virtue would I be showing? Student : Brotherly love.</p> <p>Once a teacher with her students went to visit a zoo. When the teacher saw the lion she told her students that the lion belonged to the cat family. A watchman heard her and told her that the lion belonged to the zoo not the cat family. Teacher:anu,can you name five things made up of milk? anu:butter,cheese,cream-----Teacher:yes,yes go on. anu:and two cows Teacher:Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August. Student:A holiday Which is the pan in which we cannot fry something?...... japan Teacher:Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it. Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it. Teacher:Why? Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!! Teacher:How can you prove it that birds have a sharp eyesight? Student:Teacher,because I have never seen a bird wearing spectacles Teacher:RAJU HOW WILL YOU DISTRIBUTE FIVE ORANGES EQUALLY TO EIGHT PEOPLE? RAJU:SIMPLE I WILL FIRST TAKE OUT THE JUICE POUR IT IN EIGHT GLASSES AND GIVE THEM Teacher(taking an oral test):OK James,tell me how many mangoes will it make if I had 5 mangoes and you give me 2 more? James:7, mam. Teacher:good, now tell me if I have 4 apples and I give you..... James: Sorry mam but I was absent when you taught the class word problems of apples and I forgot to copy it down from my friend. teacher-:what happened in 1889. student-:gandhi ji was born. Teacher:-what happened in 1892 Student:-ganghi ji was three year old.</p> <p>Doctor JokesPatient:Doctor,I feel so sick I want to die! Doctor: Don't worry, Just leave that job to me. Doctor, Doctor everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage. Don't talk rubbish! A dentists patient was grumbling about the fee. Two hundred rupees for pulling out a tooth!, she exclaimed. And its only a minutes work. Well, if you wish, the dentist said, Ill it out slowly. Customer: When I bought this cat, you told me he was good for mice. He doesnt go near them! Shopkeeper: Well, isnt that good for mice? Patient: How can I ever repay you for your kindness to me? Doctor: By cheque, money order, or cash. Lady to the doctor over the phone. Doctor, I beg of you, please prescribe me something immediately to reduce my weight. My husband has given me a wonderful birthday present, and I cant get into it. Doctor: Just come over here tomorrow, and I shall give you a prescription. Then you will soon be able to wear your wonderful new dress. Lady: Who said anything about a dress? I am talking of car. Man: "Doctor, Doctor! My wooden leg is giving me a headache!" Doctor: "Why?" Man: "Because my wife keeps hitting me on the head with it." A man visited a headmaster who was playing chess with his dog. "Your dog must be must be very intelligent," said the man. "Not really," said the headmaster. "I've won three games out of four." Assistant: Doctor the invisible man has come for his check up. Doctor: Tell him I can't see him. "Doctor I keep stealing things. What can I do?" "Try to resist the temptation but if you can't, get me a new television" PATIENT:-DOCTOR I AM FEELING SEVER ITCHING,GIVE ME A MEDICINE PLEASE. DOCTOR:-TAKE THIS SLIP TO THE MEDICAL SHOP PATIENT:-IF I USE THIS MEDICINE,I CAN SOLVE THIS ITCHING. DOCTOR:-I GAVE THIS FOR GROWING YOUR NAILS FOR SCRATCHING. Patient:Why does everyone ignore me? Doctor:Next Please!!!!!! Patient:"I want to live doctor when should I take the medicine". Doctor:"So remember to take the medicine exactly before you feel the pain". One day a man saw a beggar on the street. He went to him and said "If you stop begging I will pay you Rs 1000 per month". In reply the begger said "Come and beg with me and I will pay you Rs5000 per month A boy to the doctor,"Doctor, Doctor I have lost my memory."</p> <p>"When did this happen?" asked the doctor. The boy said,"When did what happen?" Patient:Doctor!Doctor!One of my eyes is different from the other! Doctor:Really,which one FATHER TO SON-:SON IF YOU GOT GOOD MARKS, I WILL GIVE YOU A NEW CYCLE. SON -:DAD IF I GOT LESS MARKS IN CLASS WHAT WILL YOU GIVE ME. FATHER-:A RIKSHAW Docter: what is your problem? Patient: I have only one Problem in my life, that is ,when I walk my legs are not joined ,it is always one forwards and one backwards. Man:Doctor,whenever I drink my coffee,I get a sharp pain in my eye.What should I do? Doctor:Just remove the spoon from your cup. Man in Delhi:I have a severe foot ache. Doctor after examining says-"You should walk for 4 km everyday". After a month the doctor receives a call from the same patient saying,"I am now in Agra, how much more should I walk?" Patient: Doctor, i see double Doctor:sit on the chair please Patient:which one patient:doctor,i've lost my memory. doctor:when did this happen? patient:when did what happen? Did you hear about the man who ate 106 cloves of garlic a day? He was taken to hospital in a coma. Poor thing, the doctor said it was from inhaling his own breath!!! PATIENT:Doctor,Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me. DOCTOR :Next please. Doctor:tell me how many fingers are these? Patient:thirteen. Doctor :I don't understand your eyes are weak or your arithmatic? once,before an operation of a patient the doctor was holding a garland in his hands. Patient:Doctor why are you holding a garland in your hand? Doctor:If the operation is successful,iwill wear it to myself or a failure i wear it for you Once a patient went to the Doctor and said,"my hair is falling .Can u give me anything to keep it in?" So,then the doctor said tha yes u can hve a polythin bag. What is a definition of a doctor? A person who kills the problem in your body with pills and then kills you with his bills. Patient : "Doctor, Doctor my hair keeps falling out, can you give me anything to keep it in ?" Doctor : "Yes, here is a paper bag !" Nurse: "Wake up man" Patient: "Why what's the matter" Nurse: "Nothing, I just forgot to give you the prescribed sleeping pills". Doctor, doctor, can you give me something for my baldness?</p> <p>How about a few pounds of pig manure? Will that cure my baldness? No, but with that on your head no one will come near enough to notice you're bald. Once a patient went to the Doctor and said,"my hair is falling .Can u give me anything to keep it in?" So,then the doctor said tha yes u can hve a polythin bag. What is a definition of a doctor? A person who kills the problem in your body with pills and then kills you with his bills. Patient : "Doctor, Doctor my hair keeps falling out, can you give me anything to keep it in ?" Doctor : "Yes, here is a paper bag !" Nurse: "Wake up man" Patient: "Why what's the matter" Nurse: "Nothing, I just forgot to give you the prescribed sleeping pills". Doctor, doctor, can you give me something for my baldness? How about a few pounds of pig manure? Will that cure my baldness? No, but with that on your head no one will come near enough to notice you're bald. Once a patient went to the Doctor and said,"my hair is falling .Can u give me anything to keep it in?" So,then the doctor said tha yes u can hve a polythin bag. What is a definition of a doctor? A person who kills the problem in your body with pills and then kills you with his bills. Patient : "Doctor, Doctor my hair keeps falling out, can you give me anything to keep it in ?" Doctor : "Yes, here is a paper bag !" Nurse: "Wake up man" Patient: "Why what's the matter" Nurse: "Nothing, I just forgot to give you the prescribed sleeping pills". Doctor, doctor, can you give me something for my baldness? How about a few pounds of pig manure? Will that cure my baldness? No, but with that on your head no one will come near enough to notice you're bald. Once a patient went to the Doctor and said,"my hair is falling .Can u give me anything to keep it in?" So,then the doctor said tha yes u can hve a polythin bag. What is a definition of a doctor? A person who kills the problem in your body with pills and then kills you with his bills. Patient : "Doctor, Doctor my hair keeps falling out, can you give me anything to keep it in ?" Doctor : "Yes, here is a paper bag !" Nurse: "Wake up man" Patient: "Why what's the matter" Nurse: "Nothing, I just forgot to give you the prescribed sleeping pills". Doctor, doctor, can you give me something for my baldness? How about a few pounds of pig manure? Will that cure my baldness? No, but with that on your head no one will come near enough to notice you're bald.</p> <p>Son- Daddy why do you wear a mask in operation theater. Father- Well son , I need to make sure no one identifies me if something goes wrong. A man...</p>