JING QIU’S LIFE JOURNAL

1966- 1976

The Announcement Of The Sixteen Point

Directive

People congregated on the Tiananmen Square and showed their support and trust to Mao.

The Education manual of the Sixteen Point Directive

August 9th, 1966 Hands trembling, head spinning, I looked away from the tiny characters on the newspaper I’d just bought on the way to school this morning. The characters were like sharp knives, stabbing into my heart. I let my dark, black hair down and slowly looked back to the paper. Why would it be like this... Why should a professor, who’s only advantageous to society, who only hoped to spread more knowledge be the target of the revolution? The newspaper was printed in several bold characters: The Sixteen Points, a document that officially states that the Chinese government totally supports Mao’s policies. The Central Committee of the Chinese party had passed the decision of the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution. Today is the day to expand the message to the whole China that the revolution starts. And I, the professor, the intellectual, am the target.

Though it has been decades since the birth of new China, I have never forgotten the words I left. In 1949, I swore to myself that I would follow our efficient leader forever. Mao Zedong is the man who liberated the whole China, saved everyone from the crime. During that time, I resolutely decided to join the communist party when I was still in my youth. However, the plan, The Great Leap Forward in 1958 has brought China down to a serious, severe situation full of failure. Everyone was told to put their energies into building and producing more steels, which caused lack of people harvesting the farm and this brought China famine. Approximately 20 millions of people has died because of the famine, including my mom. 20 millions! Ma, how are you now in the heaven? Are all the things fine there? Ai… Despondently, my dad, a peasant who hoped to go to school for his whole life was commanded, almost forced to became a worker of steel. After the tragedy, people were a bit jittery that they were not as trustful to Mao as before. Because of my dearest mama’s death, I lost some respect for Mao Zedong. It was a hard time for me. It was a hard time for everyone. The separation between myself and a person who I loved the most was filled with tears. Tears that would last forever.

Then, a few years later, the nightmare of mine had appeared. Oh my. Perturbed, I saw and have felt the revolutionary upheaving movement in China was becoming more and more determined and obvious. Some of the schools were in a huge mess, like a broken bowl that broke into poor, pitiable pieces, not able to build it up again. By last year, Mao replaced people in key government. I was so confused by the action he took. But then I realized that he might be wanting to keep his power locked tightly with himself without anyone else harming his position. I shouldn’t be saying this without having any evidence. Nonetheless, Mao’s quotations and ideas were always respected. This world now is really in a chaos. Everything has got a problem, except Mao. When the dark, smooth blanket slowly covered the world, my heart was still bumping intensely. Now, I am really not sure if Mao is really trying to help China or just trying to reclaim his own power. The government had approved the revolution already. Once the message is expanded, China would very soon become a country full of criticized, suppressed intellectuals and capitalists. I, the professor am the primary target. What should I do? Should I follow my word, or just care about myself? Should I stay firm in my position with intellectuals, or fade to the background? Mama, do you still remember why you named me Jing Qiu? You’ve once told me that you hoped me be a quite, normal person who owns an ordinary life. I hope I can, and live on my life.

Red Guard Raid

Mao and Lin Biao met the 13 million Red Guards the first time on

Tiananmen Square, showing his blessings to rebel.

The First group of Red Guards in QingHua university trying to wreck

the banner of QingHua

August 18th, 1966

I am in serious predicament. I would never believe that I am under house arrest, guarded by my own students, who now has become a red guard. With tears in my eyes, I looked around at my room that is full of broken objects. Desks, chairs and bookshelves were detruded and broken into pieces. Books were ripped into scraps. The violin, a small, delicate one that has been stored in my home since my grandpa’s birth, was in serious deformation after the red guards’ abrupt attack. It all happened this afternoon. The afternoon that I will never, ever forget in my whole life. This is the day that was mobilized by Mao to go against us, the intellectuals. This morning, at the Tiananmen Square, he greeted the 13 million red guards to rebel, to start a new revolution. However, the raid is not ending tonight. This is only the start.

Aiya. I don’t know how will I live my life under this kind of situation. If I hadn’t remember it wrong, the red guards rallies were formed a long long time ago. It was only that they were not called the red guards; nevertheless, they were still the same type of people who would like to support and maintain Mao with their life. The first official, formal group of red guards was formed in QingHua University by the 29th, May, 1966. I remembered it clearly because during that day, QingHua had a lecture and I was one of the listeners from other schools. The actions they group took were excessive! Dirty words and phrases came out from their mouth, calling us, the professors “Black, anti party gangsters”. Also they started to use axe and tried to wreck the university banner. From that on, the idea of Red Guards expanded to almost every school. Because of the Red Guard rallies, the negative upheaval seemed to be stabilized that it would definitely happen. And it did.

I cannot feel any emotions in my mind now. Numb, I still can’t walk out the fact that my students I’ve taught for 3 three years have just humiliated me verbally and hurt me physically. Half of my face is as red as an apple and, oh my, I just realized that my face and arms are full of wounds. The Red Guards, who should be studying now in their best years, are the swords and knives of Mao, helping him to reclaim his power. I guess my eyes now are full of hatred. Ai… I admit that Mao have once saved China and liberated us. As a part of China, I should be respecting him. But, for the sake of a professor, or all the professors, the intellectuals and the capitalists’ dignity, I would choose to defend our honor that we own. Determined, I will not surrender to the intimidation of the supporters of Mao. I will always believe in education. Since I am already in this battle, I will then fight till the end.

This morning, on my bed that was full of sweats, I woke up with fears. Since the day the Central Committee of Chinese Party had passed the decision of The Great Proletarian, I have never slept well. Several times I woke up from the nightmare that I am arrested and insulted in front of everyone. When I was awaken and conscious, the first thing I heard was the voice of Mao. Beside the Tiananmen Square, it is where I live. I’ve heard Mao firmly stating his blessings to rebel, and how he support people to smash down the four olds and destroy all the western influences. Everyone knows, the four olds are the old culture, old customs, old ideas and old habits. This afternoon, while my students, or should I say it as the overbearing Red Guards were destructing my home, they shouted at me ruthlessly that I will be forced to be in the criticize sessions and let the citizens criticize you. I am now more and more afraid of this world. Everything is strange. Is this China still the place I used to live in?

Arrest Of Gang Of Four

The members of Gang of four were on the court

Criticizing, humiliating the Religieuse—Western Influence, Four olds

10th, September, 1976

This is implausible. They were arrested.

Shocked and astonished, I turned numb for a few seconds and struggled to suppress my smile. The street was full of people; however, it was quiet, leaving the voice of my neighbor who’s a newspaper writer. My dry, bloodless lip was wide open when she released the news. Oh, my. Ma, do you know that? The Gang of four is finally arrested by yesterday the ninth. They are finally under the restrain of humane policies. Although I am not exactly sure about the detailed process, based on the information my neighbor released, I am pretty much confirm with this thing that had happened. I strongly believe, the arresting the Gang of Four means the end of the Cultural Revolution.

Ten years. I have been toughly struggling through the turmoil for ten years. Since the first time I have been attacked by the red guards abruptly, everyday I lived in fear and get frightened if there were any tiny sounds. Before this turmoil, I was a loyal communist. But I was censured that I am a revisionist hidden in the communist party during the revolution. Hopelessly, no one believed my words. Huh, they never believed me, and never believed any other person that was targeted. By January, 1967, I was still under house arrest while 1700 people were beaten up severely! Anything that has to do with the four olds was destroyed such as my family heirloom, an emerald figure of Bodhisattva was shattered. At that point, I hated them more than ever. The emerald was my family’s most important object! Later on, every single Chinese owned a Little Red Book full of Mao’s quotations and they needed to learn it that it was a “must” thing to do. In my memory, after a few more days, I was forced to go to the Tiananmen Square with the red guards and make attendance on the criticize session. That was the most intense humiliation ever in my life. Not only myself, I am sure that under that kind of situation, for the people who were tortured, none of them wanted to live. A lot more committed suicide. The weapons of the chairman of People’s Republic had pushed all the capitalists, intellectuals to the edge of the cliff. Then, “Down to the Countryside movement had started. The urban youths were sent to the far, faraway place to get “educated” to become a peasant but not a knowledgeable person. By 1972, surprised, the news of Lin Biao, Mao’s once greatest ally died was released and was criticized for the assassination of Mao. This was a startling event. During that few years too many events have happened. I was like a bird with no wings, a flower with no sunshine, a plant with no water.

When I heard the fact of Mao’s death in 9th, September, 1976, I don’t know why, I suddenly have got a liberated, relaxed feeling. Mao Zedong, do you know how many Chinese have died, how many people’s whole life were ruined under your mobilization and greetings of this Cultural Revolution. I lose all my family members who loved me. My ma has already died before. But my brother, my Papa, what about them? Now my life is all counting on myself. When I need a shoulder to lean on, I can’t find any person. Mao, in order to stabilize your power and keep the influence of communism, you chose to hurt others and protect yourself even you need nothing more. I don’t know if there are anyways to help myself not hating you. But I guess I will never respect you as the way I was before.

The arrest of Gang of Four represented the end of the Cultural Revolution. What I heard form my neighbor was that the members of Gang of Four were separately caught at the night of the 9th. Jiang Qing was caught last. Her eyes were full of resentment and she handed a letter to Hua Guofeng, the present chairman of People’s Republic and the Communist Party. When the news was released, people who lived on the same street with me didn’t talk a lot or make some appointment. It was a “negative shock” to people who totally support the revolution; nonetheless, to me, it was an advantageous thing. But, I am not sure that my life will not have any hatred anymore. This turmoil had affect my life, my who life.

To My Past 10 Years

Qing Qiu