jeff goins - beginning to end

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    Jeff Goins

    Beginning

    to

    End

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    2

    This book takes a look at the question, the belief, and the

    development of faith through self-empowerment.

    We have believed many things.

    Some we have decided were wrong to believe. Some we still

    believe are true. The only way to find out what is real is to try it

    and see what happens, and to ask questions of those who would tell us that

    they know more than we and ask us to follow them, ask us

    to give them our power.

    Do we ~really~ want to do that?

    Is it so easy to take anothers word that he or she is ~really~ more

    in touch with God than you are?

    From the shamans who said that only they were the ones who could hear the

    voice of the creator to the televangelists who have a connection with God

    that only your money can serve to bring His word to your ears.

    The word to describe them all is Charlatan.

    They ~really~ want what you have. Your time, your money, your faith, and

    your power and theyre not opposed to asking for it all in the name of Godbecause they have already sold their souls.

    With a little imagination and an open mind you can find whatever it is thats

    out there all by yourself. If you ask the right questions and follow your own

    path...

    ~really~

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    3

    Beginning to End Jeff Goins

    The Beginning......................................................

    4

    Formation ............................................................. 5

    In a Single Wink...................................................7

    The Crag ............................................................... 8

    Look at the Sunset ................................................ 9

    In the Space between the Pauses...........................10

    Invention............................................................... 11

    Life Sentence ........................................................ 12

    Creases..................................................................13

    Take a Breath........................................................ 14

    Meteor..................................................................16

    Church and State...................................................17

    Cryptic ..................................................................19

    Menagerie ............................................................. 20

    Poetry of Magic ....................................................21

    Reason ..................................................................25

    Shift to the Left.....................................................27

    Teller of Tales.......................................................28

    Climbing for the dream.........................................29

    The Place .............................................................. 31

    The End ................................................................ 32

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    The Beginning

    Helpless, the rain falls unstoppable to cool the fever that makes lakes

    become black roads and turns strings of rhythm that hum and vibrate with thepulse into those that pulse on their own and organize into ambulating thinkers,

    thinking of ambulating and focusing on their sole concern of making more of

    those who become breathers of air that fills with shapes and colors and motion

    that flits and blurs with rapid, multi-faceted eye movement, hovering over is-

    lands that bear the footfall of droves seeking safety from hunters in the green

    and black chasing and consuming their own so they may continue hunting andwith a snap ending others quest for safety in dry numbers along the line be-

    tween wet and dark and arid and bright and the waves were warm on their

    backs as the wind caressed open minds behind eager faces that looked only to

    whats ahead from the fifth point on the undiscovered wheel that pointed to-

    ward horizons still liquid, still settling, still cooling, still yet to be still, yet tobe solid, yet to fulfill promise of countless things growing and boiling from

    blindness to light, silence to sound, cold to warm upon boulders yawning up

    from liquid depths to take their place among the others who keep steadfast

    watch over the surface of slowly slowing mass, exploding with breath gasping

    for another as rain spills helplessly on their faces while they look up into water

    falling to drown them in their own unknowing, seeking answers to what forces

    are making it all happen.

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    Formation

    That which we cannot see

    An invisible giant looming before us isWhere lines are drawn and points made

    From where gods stride and skies explode

    A gentle hand the size of all creation extendsFrom a point smaller than an atom could see

    Dominoes begin to fall in a nebulous tsunami

    Balancing law and chaos at the star's heart

    Heavens where man cannot touch open up

    To dust and Promethean fire laden

    And radiating the stuff of life eternalA voice cries "Let there be life" from the void

    A voice cries "Let there be life" from the void

    And radiating the stuff of life eternal

    To dust and Promethean fire laden

    Heavens where man cannot touch open up

    Balancing law and chaos at the star's heart

    Dominoes begin to fall in a nebulous tsunami

    From a point smaller than an atom could see

    A gentle hand the size of all creation extends

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    From where gods stride and skies explode

    Where lines are drawn and points madeAn invisible giant looming before us is

    That which we cannot see

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    7

    In a Single Wink

    In a single wink we carry off to the place we were when shadows fell,

    In shades of green and scents of autumn rain,This old dog pulls against his rusty chain.

    With a doughty sigh I rise again to the toning of the morning bell,

    As fractal falls the white and perfect snow,This old song starts the loop with a new tempo.

    As dreams are for living and lights are just for turning out,

    The soul lifts up to greater things, leaving just the shell to doubt,

    And time keeps dragging us along,

    Until the final curtain proves us wrong.

    So cumbersome can this world be when squarely on the shoulders lie,

    An obtuse ball, illogical it turns,

    The spring gives rise to thoughts of fresh concerns.

    A gesture of a friendly hand is missed to eyes of blinded sight,

    Loud words fall like feathers on deaf ears,

    How much weve missed unknown in all these years.

    And in one final offering,

    The plate is passed from saint to saint,

    A place in heaven seek to buy,Or just another coat of paint.

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    The crag

    Wind blows patterns of time across vast expanses of thought enrapt

    canvas of seamless dreaming flowing around warm nearnessthat loving old storm on a dark sea cradles and toss

    bend away

    the pull that does not hunger no matter how many times you jump

    jangles in jesters robes just out of sight but not out of reachleaving behind a scent that cascades through the fence wires

    spark

    that memory, that single nail of clarity bent at the knee holds you

    so you can see the long and wistful yearnings of ancient marble

    standing at the head of the river holding enemies at bay

    welcoming

    arms that do not take root safely draw you in the paper tablean image of flesh and blood with sweat and fine table manners

    fit perfectly though there are no bounds that can measure

    harmony

    A moment of peace cannot evade even the darkest whisper

    flitting around the rows just below the skin drumming softly

    as the feral dove eludes the grasping noble flame

    lighting

    take my breath with you as you climb another rung

    fear has no place in the heart of a sharpened edge

    pointing a clean and burning path through the oncoming

    stand.

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    Look at the sunset,

    Feel the small thing crawl across your skin

    When the light finally gives in to its hungerOther things come out for theirs.

    The ground is hard

    Taste the salt that builds up on the leaves,

    Life has a funny way about it

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    In the space between the pauses

    Just beyond the edge

    where light meets feelingsa glimpse, a shadow, motion

    below floors above ceilings

    a sound amid ambiencein space between pauses

    a voiceless breath rumored

    before and after clauses

    The harder is the focus

    the lesser is the vision

    when movement bisectsa fight flight decision

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    Invention

    I sat and imagined

    There was nothing there

    Things were moved and shaped

    put together in an order

    it began to work

    one part moved into one and

    out of another

    coalescing, harmony, discord, performing

    nothing was there

    but I sat and imagined.

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    Life sentence

    Mind over matter is the building blocks of the brain power comes from astrong mind your manners are taught to the brain food for thought control your

    minds eye witness the power of the mind the stores of electro-chemical pro-

    cesses the cerebral flow through the oxygen-rich blood veins in the brains

    synaptic nervous systematic cleansing old thoughts for new memories of a time

    long forgotten by the inner mind your Ps and queues the lights are on but no

    one is home is where the heart is where the brain is connected to the limbichighway, flowing along with base instincts tell us when our brain doesnt know

    when to fire those neurons when they arent working like they should retire

    because they are brain cells after alls said and done, a mind is a terrible thing

    to wasteland of mental instabilitys major contributor is knowing but not feel-

    ing because imagination is more important than knowledge of ones self imageis all perceived and thus entirely mental institution whose foundations are mar-

    ble, flesh, electricity, and cant be touched in the head as nerves fire from the

    fingertips, sending sensation to the brain that invents experience, and makes us

    believe that its all tangible and that reality might be more than merely a theory

    that we all agree on as we see things change and have no ideas on how to make

    it stop so we can get off and think about it and maybe write a poem if youdont mind.

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    creases

    In the creases crawl invisible life is

    stared upon by horn-rimmed glasses and

    passed over by higher-ups

    absently destroyed by vapid page turners who

    look for a cure for

    obscurity among the books written by

    other page-turners seeking a cure for

    loneliness to sell to

    those in search of

    answers in black and white on

    pages upon pages of

    empty memoirs written to

    fill a void outside of

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    Take a breath

    The words are on the inside

    waiting to be spoken

    will you share

    Take a breath

    the words need fuel to ignitetake shape in the gasses

    forced in physics

    The time is nearing

    pressure builds from the deep

    upward to fill the mechanical

    the piston driving out the air

    taking words along for the ride

    But aside from the solid

    the gas and the real

    what made those tiny bits of your soul

    want to be made real

    want to make them real

    become part of the whole

    You could keep it in

    make us laugh

    make us angry or confused

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    make us look at you in awe

    reveal yourselfturn you inside out for our inspection

    will your force build a bridge

    So take a breath

    Get ready to spill out

    set the cords in motionshape the air that moves between

    punctuate with muscle and will

    sculpt meaning out of nothing but energy

    that blows waves into the ether

    and reveals you to us.

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    Meteor

    Dusty lace and unlit candles / give one pause beyond the door

    Rusty mace heads without handles / pull the earlobes to the floor

    Metal torn and empty dripping / paints the scene and old brown stain

    Petal borne in cup for sipping / leeched out pale in boiling rain

    Wear your best old comfy thunder / as it quickly climbs the stairs

    Bearing dressed up motions under / all the black robes that it wearsHow your sum in fields of clover / blows the leaves across the grain

    Flowers come and now youre under / theres no grieving through the pain

    Brandy wine in crystal fluted / raised the toast toward the sky

    Handy vine around throats muted / grapes in earnest red and dry

    Beveled mirror held by wishes / wall of brick dust holds the line

    Devilled clearer eggs in dishes / pick the fruit from off the vine

    Draw the points, all five in number / circle round the magic shield

    Saw the joints but not all lumber / dig it deep out in the field

    Weather sings of nights foreboding / spill it red and start the test

    Leather wings from peaks eroding / comes he now to claim the quest

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    Church and State

    Theres supposed to be a separation of church, honest and forthright,

    interested only in the well-

    being of the souls of the people, and state, noble anddignified, caring for naught but leading the people into a better future, but no

    one seemed to inform the church that somewhere between their demograph-

    ically improved image (chosen by only the most finicky of holy focus groups)

    of Christ thats both approachable andjudgmental and the plausible deniabilityof the priests with lifetime memberships to NAMBLA because one really isnt

    gay (that would be evil (though evilis a subjective metaphor and shouldnt betaken literally) and wrong and subsequently un-priest-like) if ones lover has

    yet to hit puberty and the televangelists who lovingly bestow Christs blessings

    to the poor (on His behalf, like they had a meeting and He okayed the prosti-

    tute patronizing suits to go ahead and speak on His behalf as duly designated

    representatives of the kingdom of heaven, as if they had even the smallestchance of getting there in one of their custom-pimped leer jets purchased with

    the cash sent in by elderly ladies and gentlemen who seek to assuage guilts of a

    former fast life and insure their seat next to God himself with the money that

    probably should have gone to pay for more worldly items such as food and

    medicine that might have helped them live longer and subsequently be denied

    the American right of getting into paradise (though thatssuch a muslim wordhere of late) just a little bit longer) who buy these loving, caring ladies and

    gentlemen of the pre-recorded clergy their new Rolls-Royces, suits (for the

    men), dresses (for the ladies or gentlemen), rings, bangles, baubles, menser-

    vants, expensive houses perched on even more expensive hills, because God

    likes riches, and the richer Gods house, the better heaven will be, with itscrystal chandeliers and marble floors that simply scream of custom

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    Zamboni machines with disco balls equipped with anti-Satan lasers and the

    best techno music money can buy, because after all Rick James and Billy Pres-

    ton are both dead and theres no better conductor than the Big Guy Himself,

    but He doesnt come cheap.

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    Cryptic

    We often ask, where is He?

    Is He up in the canopy, high above our prying eyes?

    Or beyond that?

    Just a glimpse would be enough for some.

    From antiquity to now we have looked for just one sign.

    For a sign that He is there or not.Either would satisfy the curiosity of those

    who continually prostrate their logic in insecurity with their faith.

    to seek out one they cannot see,

    whom they KNOW is there,

    just to test them,

    maybe to judge them.

    Many need only to know that it is unknown and appreciate this aspect.

    Faith:

    To believe without really knowing,

    or to believe you know without really learning

    the location of He who eludes us is the consummation of the dream

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    Menagerie

    A pocket full of essential philosophy

    girds the spirit of a room full of pockets

    essentially spiriting philosophical pockets

    of girded rooms full of spirits of philosophy

    pocketing essence of girded spirits

    full of philosophy of rooms full of

    spirits of philosophy girding essences

    of full pockets well rounded.

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    Poetry of magic

    Hear me now all ye spirits,

    earth and sky

    ground and wind

    stone and heaven

    Hear me now all ye spirits,

    sea and flameocean and inferno

    fire and tide

    I call on your essence, your vital energies

    the power of creation that dwells deep

    and eternal in the core of your being,

    heed my words for I am the culmination

    of the universal mind,

    the realized dream of the everlasting creator

    and the opus of the perpetual

    I call on you to heed my words in the names

    of all spirits holy and pure

    every entity beneficent and true

    all beings living, non-living, and never ending,

    good and kind.

    Awake, arise, come to my aid.

    dark things walk among us,

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    we, who balance the universe

    with goodness and evildarkness and light

    hatred and love

    need thy

    aid.

    Things whose souls are rent and restlesstorn and errant

    spoiled and searching

    for things they can no longer attain

    seek to destroy the harmony of the world

    the balance of the universe,

    and the essence within my own being.

    I ask only that you lend to me

    the power to defeat and vanquish

    the dark and vile spirit within me

    banish the malignant being that curls around my soul

    the foul essence that seeks to taint my own

    with promises that tempt

    secrets that should not be told

    and thoughts that bring nothing

    but ruin and decay to my life

    and everlasting and immortal soul.

    Come

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    Come

    Come

    Come to me

    Come to me

    Come to me

    Come into meCome into me

    Come into me

    Come

    Come

    Come

    In a form fair and comely

    until I dismiss you.

    Fill me with your power

    guide me with your wisdom

    teach me with your lore

    so that I may restore the balance

    that other things, black and vile

    have sought to ruin.

    In the name of all spirits holy and pure

    The eternal lords and ladies of air and heavens

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    The ancient giants of earth and stone

    The everlasting rulers of water and waveand The undying masters of fire and flame

    I beseech, implore, and beg of thee

    to hear my words and do my bidding.

    so mote it be.

    so mote it be.so mote it be.

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    Reason

    Tied my shoes, brushed my hair, my teeth, introduced me to en pas-santand the fifth parallel, walked me along the fence and drew the diamond,

    asked me why I was so young when I started liking girls, threw rocks in the

    river, aimed the gun, threw the knife and made it stick, guided the chainsaw

    and the axe, brewed the tea, lit the fire, turned the key, read the books, told me

    to ignore the ghosts, the pain, the insults, the meanness in others, in myself, my

    hunger, my greed, that look, those words, the stares and glances, the memories,

    the dark, told me to focus in the stars, the Earth, the moon, my weight, my

    love, the words, the steps, the stairs, which doors to lock, which to leave open,to walk through, close, what to do to grow, to heal, when to speak, when not

    to, who to talk to, not to, when to keep going, where to stand, scratch, when,

    where, and why not to, upon which foe at what time to perform a pointa rever-

    so and with what, explained that there might not be a God, that there is, isnt,is, isnt, definitely probably is, or not, has to be, keeps me warm, drives me

    home, to school, did not stick the knife through my hand, drove me to the hos-

    pital, drove me to the hospital, drove me to the hospital, drove me to the hospi-

    tal, and back to heal, kept my hand immobile, squeezed the ball, flexed my

    fingers, kept the gun out of the other hand, did not choose the girl but chose

    how to stay with her, did not make me make music, made me make music,

    practiced, practiced, put out the fire, practiced, opened the book, pointed me atBoyd, Bachelor, Culler, Irvin, McGuffey, Mosler, Phelps, Peabody, King,

    Shriver, Parrish, Rentschler, and Wilkes, put my pipe in a drawer forever, kept

    me awake, made me go to bed, changed their diapers, or fed them, or burped

    them, or held them, could not tell which cry meant which need, made many

    wrong choices, bad choices, poor choices, dark choices, human choices, unfor-

    tunate choices, sad choices, light choices, wondrous choices, good choices,

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    right choices, choices that made no difference whatsoever, hated, loved, hunt-

    ed, killed, killed, saved, stayed the hand that held the blade before he bled too

    much to be spared, ran the juice clear, ate it with the legs on and the shell, spit

    out the seeds, ignored the rinds, the stems, cut the stems for a longer bloom,

    wondered why they had to be killed to be pretty, suggested I opened that door

    again, close that one, closed the book when no more information could be ab-

    sorbed frustrated me, elated me, made me cry, made me laugh, explained the

    extraneous bombastic circumlocution joke, said Elven and Klingon ARE real

    languages, fought the dragon and the pisces in me, still does, cursed my rash-

    ness, asked why I choked him almost to death, cursed my procrastination,could not understand why I wait to write those papers, read those texts, fix that

    broken hinge, change those spark plugs, unclog that sink, repair that hose, trim

    out those windows, reinstall the OS on that computer, do whats asked of me

    until its almost too late, explained why I bake the bread myself, that it is God,

    slid the razor against the grain, makes sure the steak is pink and the burger is

    not, took the bottle out of my hand, took the desire out of my head, relaxed the

    fist, taught my children Aikido, tiger kung fu, and Kendo, explained everything

    but sometimes lied, sometimes misled, sometimes deceived, cradled my mind,

    broke my heart, made me look down, up, told me it was okay to watch one

    more episode, play one more game, eat one more scoop, drink one more glass,

    sleep one hour, miss it, make it up later, hate him, forsake her, break it, keep itin, turn it up and sing loud, sing loud, think silently and not speak at all, sug-

    gested that those ghosts dont exist, how they had to be real, that there is no

    such thing as different human races, there is no speciation, did not explain why

    and how immigrants are bad and can be illegal, proved it was selfish by always

    trying to tip the scales toward itself, admitted that it wasnt always right in its

    methods and urged me to follow my heart.

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    Shift to the left

    In a year or so,

    Time has passed

    Linear as the crow flies

    Narrow as the lions heart at harvest

    Having taken everything you could

    Take one more for the causeleave nothing

    Do not adjust your weight to the gone

    Silence deafens the verbose

    There is no darkness

    Drain that which fills you with it

    Lock the tap and the Tao.

    the beauty in virtue all but ruin

    the vain of spirit

    the egoist sitting like first chair

    stoking self with horsehair and

    shoulder freckles the size of dinner plates

    covering the head with ointment

    and lauds scraped from old papers

    take one more for the cause -

    leave nothing,

    Do not adjust your weight to the gone

    T ll f l

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    Teller of tales

    In a place where things dont move like in other places

    Sits a small piece of time, looking inward at itself

    Worrying that it might be forgotten in other places

    That move in steps quickly and with purpose

    From the past of long cool nights and narrow escapes

    To one possible future of the unthought and newLinear and unswerving but not in the event horizon

    Where small dreams linger almost out of reach

    Not really wanting to get away from the dreamer

    But being pulled by the inevitability of vacuum

    Where thoughts and dreams go to play

    When loosed by the children who give them life

    It worries that the child that lived through it

    Might not come back for a spell and sit

    And maybe relive the moment that it is

    In its small place where things move otherwise

    Where chunks of other things can reside alone

    Or with others like themselves or unlike

    Where time curves and light bends so slightly

    In a jumble of blue and purple and red

    Like crayons the colors mingle and merge

    Like thoughts things connect and divide

    Resting only when the aged and white-haired child

    Comes back again to sit a spell and think.

    Cli bi f th d

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    Climbing for the dream

    When in pursuit of lifelong dreams do I

    Hang loosely from those dreams like rotting rope,

    To most intently stand and crucify

    Illusions of all self respect and hope.

    To dream, to follow and to long aspire

    Can lead you to your altar dressed in white,

    To kneel before the gods of fate and fire,

    And pray to let the dream live one more night.

    But dangle as I may above the plights

    Of wasting all a life for just one thing,

    I climb the rope to self destructive heights

    And hope the dream will soon for me take wing.

    Th d t li di I h th f t

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    The dream to live or die I choose the fate,

    I make the choice, above the altar wait.

    The place

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    The place

    Theres a place

    it waits silent as stone

    patient as the earth

    numb as old ice

    I pass over the spotyou know it

    one just like it waitsfor your arrival

    It could be anywhere

    you choose locale

    it waits mutely

    as its avoided

    Dark its smile

    deep its secrets

    cold its offerings

    eternal its promise.

    The End

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    The End

    In the end are we just dreaming?

    In the end do we go?

    In the end does something beckon,

    Like the coming of the dawn?

    In the end are we delivered?

    In the end does something call?Is the end just a beginning?

    In the end do we just fall?

    What is that twinkling in the corner of your sparkling eye?

    Essence incorporeal, or reflections of a lifetime passing by?

    Spinning illusions as eternally through space we fly?

    Images to be seen if the mind would only open up its eye.

    Are we the products of the procreation of our kind?

    Or are we each an aspect of the single universal mind?

    Utter genetics and experiences intertwined,

    Inside a temple bearing one new soul to which it is assigned.

    Is that a soul departing as the final breath is through,

    Or is it just evaporation of the mornings dying dew?

    Cellular degeneration creeping up on me and you

    The downy evidence in telling where the fledgeling angels flew.