iplday - why it’s worth celebrating, michelle black, canada
DESCRIPTION
TRANSCRIPT
Why are we celebrating?Why should you join us?
Plain language is
1. Brief2. Simple3. Organized4. Friendly5. Action-oriented
"I am sorry this is such a long letter, but I did not have the time to write a short one."
- Mark Twain
Plain language is brief.
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Before We are currently experiencing problems with the Branch Network foreign exchange
strategies portal. An investigation of the problem is underway by our technicians and an additional advisory will be issued upon resolution of the issue.
After We are having problems with the portal that serves foreign strategies data to your
branches. Our technicians are looking into the problem and will let you know when they have resolved it.
Plain language is brief.
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Plain language is brief.Before
Tellers are to process the transactions the day they are made, if possible, thus avoiding or minimizing delays in the cheque or remittance clearing processes. This will require the collaboration of managers to ensure prompt adoption of this new procedure.
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After We will aim to process transactions on the same day the customer makes them, so that we avoid or reduce clearing delays for cheque and remittance.
Your managers will need to work with us and their teams, to help them follow the new process.
Plain language is brief.
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“Simplicity before understanding is simplistic; simplicity after understanding is simple.”
- Eduard De Bono
Plain language is simple.
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Plain language is simple.
Before This process has passed CAT, and will initiate a new paradigm in B2B transactional capacity.
After This process has passed its test with our customers, and will make us better able to process business-to-business transactions.
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Before An enamelectomy may be indicated if patient experiences excessive neuralgia.
After You can have us repair your tooth enamel to relieve pain.
Plain language is simple.
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Plain language is organized.
“Out of clutter, find simplicity.” - Albert Einstein
“Order is the shape upon which beauty depends.”- Pearl S. Buck
Before Dear Valued Customer,
Originator's Last Name: Rogers NelsonOriginator's First Name: PrinceDate Received: 2004-02-16Call Type: MACCall Sub-Type: SanctioningCall Category: AliantCall Status: OpenYour request will be completed no later than: 2004-03-08Call Description:
Your request has been assigned Customer Care Queue number 00191495. Please refer to this number when making inquiries. In most cases, a Request Completion Target Date is assigned immediately at the opening of the ticket. If no date appears above, please contact us via a reply to this message.
Plain language is organized.
After
Dear Valued Customer,
Thank you for your request. We have assigned this Customer Care Queue number: 00191495 Please refer to this number if you contact us about your request.
Response Date: no later than 2004-03-08
Our systems usually assign a Response Date right away when we reserve your place in our queue. If you do not see a date above, let us know by replying to this message.
Customer Last Name: Rogers NelsonCustomer First Name: Prince
Date Received: 2004-02-16--------------------------------------
Call Type: MAC Sub-Type: Sanctioning Category: Aliant Status: Open
Plain language is organized.
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Plain language is friendly.
"I love words but I don't like strange ones. You don't understand them and they don't understand you. Old words is like old friends, you know 'em the minute you see 'em."
- Will Rogers
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Before Failure to send a prompt and timely response to this notice may result in discontinuation of a recipient’s benefits under this program.
After If you do not reply to us soon, we may have to put your benefits on hold.
Plain language is friendly.
© 2012
Plain language is action-oriented.
"Web users want actionable content; they don't want to fritter away their time on (otherwise enjoyable) stories that are tangential to their current goals …"
- Jakob Neilsen www.UseIt.com
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Before Failure to send a prompt and timely response to this notice may result in discontinuation of a recipient’s benefits under this program.
After If you do not reply to us by May 18, we may have to put your benefits on hold. Along with the address at
the top of this message, you can reach us right away by phone or email:
416-555-3555
Plain language is action-oriented.
Juggling the jargon… Actionable Run it up the flagpole
RAMP-UP
When the rubber hits the road RAISE THE BAR
Value-add SYNERGIES Let’s workshop it!
Brain dumpPROACTIVE low-
hanging fruitGet traction
WIN-WIN Throw him under the bus
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How motivated are you to read long, complex communications?
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Clear, helpful business communication considers the reader’s time and tools.
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Can your reader act on your message from where they are?
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Before – a PowerPoint PresentationPurposeTo provide you with:
• background information on the Services Delivered by Community Service Organizations Act, 2008 and the requirements for the application process for Local Outreach Services (LOS) funded services and systems (Sections I & II);
• information on the provincial framework that will guide worker input on the development of regional delivery criteria for the delivery of support division functions in York region (Section III);
• an overview of the Service team’s employee engagement process to inform the development of regional delivery criteria for the delivery of branch service functions (Section IV); and
• information on how you can be involved in the process (Section IV).
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After – Same presentation, fewer words
Today we will talk about:Section 1 How the Community Services system
is changing
Section 2 The new way to apply for social supports
Section 3 Setting up Service Hubsand other plans for this year
Section 4 What is happening in your region?Get involved! Here’s how …
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Some clear design basics Use a readable type size. Use left justification. Keep the number of different fonts or typefaces to a
minimum. Make sure there is lots of ‘white space.’ Use headings, images and space between
paragraphs.
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Avoid ‘old style’ features:
ALL CAPS Underlining long lines of text on a page (including in
long hyperlink addresses or URLs) Long reams of close-together text in italic font
which make the eyes have to strain to read and seem to flicker if you stare at them onscreen for too long. See what I mean?
Very ornate fonts (these also strain the eye)
colours that recede or too many colours Blinking text on websites
Some clear design basics (cont’d)
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Before We are grateful in advance for your attention to our presentation.
After Thanks for reading this!
www.simplyread.ca