inside: the biggest loser • casting call • upcoming events...
TRANSCRIPT
ELIJAH THE PROPHET APPEARS TO RABBI GOLDSMITH: ORDERS HIM TO CEASE AND DESIST
Star Trek V, Flavor of Love 3
Inside: The Biggest Loser • Casting Call • Upcoming Events • Libermania • Where in the World is Rabbi Bellino???
YESHIVAT CHOVEVEI TORAH ON TOUR
Presents CLIENT #9
Eliezer Spitzer was born on June 10, 1959 in the Bronx. Eliezer worked as an attorney in both the public and private sectors. As a prosecutor in the Rackets Bureau of the Manhattan district attorney’s office, Eliezer served as the lead attorney in a prominent case that broke the Bellino family’s stranglehold on the garment industry in New York. Eliezer’s historic accomplishments on behalf of the people of New York earned him national recognition. Time Magazine named Eliot “Crusader of the Year.”
ISHA ZONAH VACHALELAH: A WOMAN THAT IS A HARLOT, OR PROFANED
Drasha, Shabbos Morning
NOT-FOR-PROFIT CORRUPTION: MY FRIEND PESACH LERNER
Pre-Mincha Class, 5:00 PM
THE ROLE OF WOMEN: WHAT THE HELL IS
ORLY TALKING ABOUT? Shalosh Seudos Lecture and Discussion, 6:20 PM
SHABBOS SCHOLAR: MAY 3 SHABBOS KEDOSHIM
St. Patrick’s Day 2008 Purim 5768
DER VILLAGER YID SSS PURIM BULLETIN
This Passover, as millions of Jews open their doors to greet Elijah the Prophet, the Goldsmith home will greet him with a sense of heightened familiarity. “He appeared to me last week. I couldn’t believe it,” said a mystified Rabbi Goldsmith. “I didn’t even have to sing the song. You know the song. Eliyahu haNavi, Eliyahu haTishbi. Eliyahu, Eliyahu, Eli-ya-a-hu haGiladi.”
“It’s really quite special,” said longtime Goldsmith Neighbor Elazar Rabbani. “They get a lot of guests, but never one like this.” “There are traditions that he appeared to Rabbi Joseph Karo. To the Maharal. Maybe even to the Baal Shem,” explained Rabbi Bellino. “What could be the reason for such an apparition?”
Rabbi Bellino’s question was shortly clarified by Alan “ugly rain hat” Forman. “Word on the street, is that Elijah the Prophet appeared to Reb Shelly to ask to stop taking his name in vain, to stop making Eliyahu haNovi jokes.” Alan, of course, is referring to Rabbi Goldsmith’s habit of calling unusual minyan participants Eliyahu haNovis. “Elijah apparently told him that the joke is not funny, that Shamayim aren’t laughing, that neither is the Aretz. Apparently he threatened that he wouldn’t come to his Seder,” Alan explained. “I'm surprised that Eliyahu feels that way,” said a disappointed Rebbetzin Zelda. “I’ve always found my husband’s jokes to be witty and fresh. Very current, in a redemptive sense.” Elijah could not be reached for comment.
Above: Elijah
Miss a Sermom? Come late to davening? Then this is for you….
MCBEE SERMON SUMMARIES DISCLAIMER: SUMMARIES NOT NECESSARILY ACCURATE NOR THE INTENDED THRUST OF RABBI BELLINO’S THOUGHTFUL, SCHOLARLY, AND STRUCTURED SERMONS. SUMMARIES ARE OFTEN REPETITIVE, UNNECESSARY, AND BORING. SUMMARIES MAY INCLUDE VAGUE AND VAPID PROMISES OF THE RETURN TO 3 WEST 16TH STREET AND REFERENCES TO THE LACKLUSTER GENRE OF JEWISH ART.
Above: Rabbi Goldsmith with two Eliyahu haNovis.
Partial Blame
Honorary Chairman - Arnold Hordish Steve Ancona Saul F. Baily Alan Forman
Rabbi Sheldon Goldsmith Peter Greenspan Miriam Kaplan Vivian Klaus Cathy Koren
Joan Nachmani Dr. Elazar Rabbani Dr. Theobald Reich Dr. Bennett Strudler
George Tice
Bored of Trustees
Total Blame Richard McBee Victor Bellino Arthur Klaus Barnet Liberman Garry Roemer Zelda Goldsmith Jeff Katz Amir Koren Jonathan Nachmani Morris Shoretz Don Weiss
THE SIXTEENTH STREET SYNAGOGUE 3 West 16th Street, New York, NY 10011
Tel: (212) 255-4826 Fax: (212) 206-3678
Mailing Address: 421 Hudson Street,
New York, NY 10014
On the Web: http://www.SixteenthStreetSynagogue.org
Israel Wohlgelernter, Rabbi Emeritus
Gavriel Z. Bellino, Interim Rabbi Cell: (917) 626-4573 Fax: (718) 504-7992
Gerty Engh, Office Administrator Hours: 9:00 AM to 1:00 PM, Monday to Friday
Norma Bellino Marvin Bienenfeld
Reuben Blumenthal William Feinerman
Gerald Feldhamer Mitchel Herstic
Dr. Morton Leibowitz Ruth Leibowitz
Phyllis Liberman
Susan Mehr Dr. Leon Pachter Dr. Robert Podell Howard Rich Dr. James Schmeidler Dr. William Silver Susanna Smulowitz Max Wagner Jay Zucker
President Vice President Vice President Vice President
Treasurer Assistant Treasurer
Secretary Gabbai Gabbai Gabbai
Shammes
THE SIXTEENTH STREET SYNAGOGUE PURIM BULLETIN
JONATHAN YARUS, EDITOR AT LARGE
Where the Teachers are Rico, the Torah is Suave, and Everyone is a Little Loco.
Bask in the light of the Torah and the Puerto Rican sun.
• Skilled translator on staff. • Ten minute walk from
clothing optional beach. • Kosher food available upon request.
Sponsored by a generous donation from the Jackie Mason Foundation.
* * * SERVICES RELOCATED * * *
Weekday Morning Shacharis & Mid-day Mincha McSorley’s Ale House
Weekday Mincha/Maariv The Village Crown
All Shabbos Services Cardboard Box, on 15th Street, Just East of Fifth Avenue
Translator
Page 2 DER VILLAGER YID
Come meet our warm Rebbeim.
Purim 5768 Page 3
UPCOMING EVENTS
Emily and Jason Lieberman together with Phyllis and Barnet Liberman will host a discussion on the politics of Avigdor Lieberman (MK of Yisrael Beiteinu) and Senator Joseph Lieberman at the home of Phyllis, Barnet, Ava, Zoe, Stella, Leah, and Nachum Yekusiel ben Avraham Dov Liberman. Orly Lieberman to lead the discussion.
Where in the world is Rabbi Bellino???
Rabbi Bellino and Choni on Safari in Central Park
RABBI DECIDES TO NOT BE SO FAT—SCANDAL BREWING For the last few months, Sixteenth Street Synagogue congregants have n o t i c e d t h e diminution of Rabbi Bellino's presence. Not a muting of his b o i s t e r o u s personality, nor a fading of his boyish good looks, but rather, the shrinking of waistline. "He's not so chubby anymore," explained Leah Greenspan. "He's the biggest loser!" Thanks to the generous hospitality of the Printing House Gym, Rabbi Bellino spends his time - when not immersing himself in Zoharic gleanings - stretching, jogging, and lifting weights; basically, really really Hellenized. "I think it's great," said Dr. William Silver, Rabbi Bellino's boutique physician. "He's eating right, exercising, and releasing the stress of his pulpit in ways other than gorging on potato kugel." "He can finally do Hagbah," said longtime Gabbai Amir Koren. "He's no longer a girly man."
Others, however, were not as supportive. "I don't know why he feels the need to do this," said Rebbetzin Robinson Bellino Esq. "It's enough already." Rabbi Bellino's relatively quick weight loss and muscle gain, has left many of his congregants suspicious. "Maybe he's juicing," conjectured Joan Nachmani. "It's too much too soon." With the rumor came legislation last Friday when President McBee called for an investigation into the Rabbi's gym practices. The Alexander Mitchell report is scheduled to be released to the public next week.
YIFA/SSS RABBIS 1950-1982 RABBI ISRAEL WOHLGELERNTER
1982-1983 RABBI SHMUEL DEITEL 1983-2006 RABBI ISRAEL WOHLGELERNTER
2006-2008 RABBI GAVRIEL BELLINO *
Purim 5768 Page 4
SIXTEENTH STREET SYNAGOGUE CASTING CALL
DER VILLAGER YID Page 4
THE ARTS