infusion #178: 3 jun - 17 jun '12

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MUSIC PEOPLE LIFE Football fever! Evanescence, Dub Pistols, Bombay Bassment, Mansion, Club listings and much more! Football fever! Score with the Golden Foot Mega Tent this summer Score with the Golden Foot Mega Tent this summer June 3rd - June 17th 2012 l Issue #178 l www.infusion.ae l EST 2005

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Our latest issue has just hit the shelves - we look ahead to the European Championships, talk to the Dub Pistols and Indian funkateers Bombay Bassment ahead of their Dubai gigs, have the low-down on the Evanescence gig, as well as more hard-hitting irony from the Pan Arabia Enquirer.

TRANSCRIPT

Page 1: Infusion #178: 3 Jun - 17 Jun '12

MUSIC • PEOPLE • LIFE

Football fever!

Evanescence, Dub Pistols, Bombay Bassment, Mansion, Club listings and much more!

Football fever!Score with the Golden Foot Mega Tent this summer Score with the Golden Foot Mega Tent this summer

June 3rd - June 17th 2012 l Issue #178 l ww

w.infusion.ae l EST 2005

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You’re used to restraining your dark side. At Mansion, we invite you to embrace it.

Come and unleash your alter ego at Dubai’s newest premium club. Here, unparalleled VIP service is meshed with unmatched musical integrity, drawing the best in international DJ acts and featuring Mansion resident, Jean B. For the super-elite, four VIP cages right in the middle of the club gives VIP’s the chance not just to see the party, but be the party.

For a map with directions, please visit our facebook page.

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You’re used to restraining your dark side. At Mansion, we invite you to embrace it.

Come and unleash your alter ego at Dubai’s newest premium club. Here, unparalleled VIP service is meshed with unmatched musical integrity, drawing the best in international DJ acts and featuring Mansion resident, Jean B. For the super-elite, four VIP cages right in the middle of the club gives VIP’s the chance not just to see the party, but be the party.

For a map with directions, please visit our facebook page.

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HEAVY SOUND.LIGHTWEIGHT.

www.facebook.com/clubbeats www.monstercable.com Tel: +971.4.883.04.05 Email: [email protected] MIDDLE EAST

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Sunday

monday

tuesday

wednesday

thursday

friday

we haveevery night

covered

Characters reproduced with the kind permission of huckgee.com

Dubai Marine Beach Resort & Spa, Jumeirah, Dubai +971 4 3461111Souk Qaryat Al Beri (Shangri La Hotel) Abu Dhabi +971 2 5581117

DJ Elie plays all the 80’s & 90’s classics from 10pm

Night Feast 125 or 165 with sakeDJ Stéphane Karl plays commercial house from 10pm

Ladies night with DJ Stéphane Karl from 10pmComplimentary martinis for the ladies from 10pm to midnight

Live music with Yakuza on the terrace from 9pm

DJ Elie plays commercial house from 10pm

DJ Elie plays all the 80’s & 90’s classics from 10pm

Lounge music from 7pmsaturday

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From the Editor’s Desk

While eskimos might have an improbable number of words for snow, it seems surprising that there aren’t more words to describe the summer heat in Dubai. The last of the brave outdoor bars and clubs still open close this week, meaning Dubai’s club scene moves indoors.

Good news for venues like Trilogy, Catwalk, Mansion and the multifarious bars that have shot up across the city, bad news for non-smokers who have no choice but to breathe in the second hand smoke.

That the city and the region lags behind Europe and America when it comes to health legislature perhaps isn’t a surprise, but with year-round sunshine and lots of terrace/outdoor space, hopefully change comes soon. The outdoor venues might offer the joys of dancing under the stars, but they also provide a clean breath of fresh air, something we’re not going to be able to claim over the next 4 months.

Andy

Editor-in-chief:Talal Budebs

Managing Director:Charl Chaka

Editor:Andy Buchan

Contributors:Buff WiseGarethIsOnItLisa SantMaddy Butcher Miriam Sweeney Pan-Arabia Enquirer Roxanne Myburgh

Design:Allan (Jmaxlolo) Tinsay

Grown-up stuff:Infusion is published by Milehigh Media, llc. www.milehighmedia.aePO Box 73310 Dubai, UAE

Contact us:Tel/Fax: 04 368 8098

Advertising:[email protected] 050 169 8712

Editorial:[email protected] 882 5675

Powered by

Running with

Listening with

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38863 MDEK Football Ad for Infusion ol.indd 1 5/23/12 5:12 PM

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LookingBACKRetrospective on what’s been happening in our world.

> What we did

> Say What?

> Photo Gallery

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What we did

DUBAI ISn’T ShORT of hot spots, of new bars and clubs each threatening to out-glam, out-concept each other. But the idea behind Mansion was as simple as it should be - good music, good design and a thumping soundsystem. hernan Cattaneo was the man charged with bringing the house down on the opening Friday night, and he promptly did so, building a barrage of big, deep house meets tech monsters that had the capacity dancefloor shaking as capacity dancefloors should. And with up-coming gigs from Satoshi Tomeii and residencies from Pacha, Defected and Priviledge coming up, it looks like being a good summer for Dubai’s latest club.

ManSion OPEnInG WEEkEnD

Looking Back

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While in-the-know clubbers might idolise the London, Barcelona or LA rooftop parties, Dubai can surely equal them thanks to institutions like audio tonic. now in its 6th season, the quality has never dropped, and sonically, it moves from sunset funk into beats and treats territory before finding its deep house and disco roots as the sun goes down at the stunning 360 venue. And their closing party was no different as 10 DJs soundtracked the closing hours of 360’s season before it closes for a refurb, and introduces a second room downstairs. With the door operating a one-in, one-out policy from 8pm, crowd appreciation was never going to be a problem, and so it proved as deep house anthems were rolled into one another, the stand out track being Raxon’s unreleased mix of nick Curly’s ‘Underground.’ The audio tonic crew return at the end of September, and while we might find solace in some international parties this summer, we can’t wait for our own dancefloor gem to return.

AUDIO TOnIC CLOSInG PaRty @ 360

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SIM-pathetic(expr.): The all too common act of going through your phone’s contacts on a hangover looking for one person who cares about you.

A man was fined in Dubai recently for illegally parking his mini submarine on Jumeirah beach.

‘Ah, so this is how Guetta makes his millions — he must work very hard at sliding this knob.’

Caption this…

@Hishamwyne So Pakistan FAXED a letter to Twitter to take down blasphemous content. FAXED. Twitter. Faxed Twitter. We are awesome. That is all.

Short and tweet

FYI: My wife wants a Manchester United tonight. I’m on top for ages and come second.

old Jokes Home

Say What

only in Dubai

Looking Back

Dancefloor dictionary

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Ad_Infusion single page_100x150mm.pdf 1 5/28/2012 2:31:17 PM

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Mansion opening Weekend

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Summer Dayze @nasimi

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taboo feat. Miguel Campbell @trilogy

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LookingFORWARDWhere we filter out the best things that are coming your way...

> Local news

> Cover Story

> the Man from Mansion

> Evanescence in numbers

> Head to Head

> Bassment Blues

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IT'S OnWARDS AnD upwards for the award-winning urban night as no.1 Fri-days have moved on from their previous Sensation home and now take their party-starting brand to n'Dulge. Playing a mix of RnB, hip hop, funky house and UK garage, the weekly club night will feature resident DJs Snatcher and Masterstepz, while David Craig and Schooly will also be on hand to dish out beats and treats in the Velvet room. Ladies get free entry until midnight, and it's Dhs100 after, and Dhs100 for men all night.

Flash have a thing for Dutch DJs having brought out Laidback Luke and Sander van Doorn in recent months - but with most of the world's top DJs Dutch, that's perhaps no surprise. And they're back again with Dutch trance titan Ferry Corsten who plays at the du Forum on Yas Island on thursday June 28, while promoters Flash are billing as their last big event of the summer. It's an 18+ event, and tickets start from Dhs150.

Local news MUSIC ThAT MATTERSLocal news MUSIC ThAT MATTERSSEnD TRACkS/EDITS/REMIXES TO [email protected]

no.1 FRiDayS at n'DULGE

FERRy CoRStEn in aBU DHaBi

tom Middleton - Bass Music Roots Music master Tom does his homework and rounds up the early bass pioneers on his latest mix.

Digital Puppy - Dusk EP Phaser funk dubstep three-tracker from the Dubai producer, forthcoming on halogen Records.

Garethisonit - Growin' Up Mix Classic house and garage mix including Barbara Tucker, Ralphi Rosario and more.

Gotye - Somebody that i Used to Know (nick tohme Boot-Up) Big, Dutch-house inspired rework of the Gotye classic.

Justin Martin - Hoodrich Game-changing future bass tune from the Dirty Bird head honcho.

Looking Forward

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M-DEK CovERS UP

The headphone market has gone into over-drive in recent years, with huge competition for earspace (even DJ habibi 2000 has got in on the act and unleashed his own range of crystal-encrusted headphones, the DJh2ks). Looking to get ahead, Sennheiser are holding a Dare To Compare event, when experts will be on hand to show-case their headphones — their hD25 range are used by many of the world's leading DJs — while there will also be competitions and giveaways throughout the two day event at virgin Dubai Mall, starting at 1pm on Friday June 15 and Saturday June 16.

DARE TO CoMPaRE

Good news after work drinkers — aperitivo, M-Dek's 5-10pm Thursday night session is carrying on during the summer as is Schooly's Soulful Sessions, thanks to the introduction of a tent covering most of M-Dek. The 150 person capacity space will be open all of the summer, showing the European Champion-ships and Olympics on 1 large screen and 4 LED screens, while every post-work Thursday will be dedicated to Aperitivo — so expect the same funk, soul and light house soundtrack, with Dhs25 drink deals and shisha.

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And the summer of sport begins - European Championships and the Olympics. And so a summer of 'late afternoon meetings' begins…

Local DJ talent - has there ever been a better crop of local DJs playing everything from dubstep to 50s funk? Big up yourself!

360's closing weekend was a little bit ace - we can't wait to see the new two-roomed club after Ramadan!

A very bad few weeks for music with Donna Summer and the Bee Gees' Barry Gibb passing away. And yet Pitbull still walks the earth…

Ahlan's DJ awards in Abu Dhabi sparked a lot of bad blood between two rival DJs - as much as we like soap operas unfolding on Twitter, no one walks away looking good from these spats.

Lady Gaga was refused entry to Indonesia for fear she'd bring disrepute to the country. So excess eye-liner and meat dresses are what's corrupting the youth of today? Riiiiiight.

RUMoURSEx-Guns and Roses star Slash has hinted via his FB page that he could be making an appearance — or two — in the UAE after Ramadan.

J-Lo has confirmed that she'll be playing live in Dubai on Thursday november 22, but the venue has still to be confirmed.

One rumour that has come true is that Goyte - he of the gazillion-selling single 'Somebody That I Used To know' — is playing the Trade Centre on Friday november 23.

Rumour has it that be-spectacled techno duo Orbital could be hitting the UAE after Ramadan.

Looking Forward

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T H E A W A R D - W I N N I N G S E E Y O U N E X T F R I D A Y T E A MP R E S E N T S

CASA LATINA, IBIS HOTEL AL BARSHA, SHEIKH ZAYED RDFREE BEER & VODKA 9-11 - EMAIL [email protected] TO REGISTER

FREE SAMBUCA EVERY HOUR

9-10pm: 60s • 10-11pm: 70s • 11-12am: 80s12-1am: 90s • 1-3am: 2000s

- 1 S T B I R T H D A Y - FRIDAY 29TH JUNE

FEAT. ANDY BUCHAN, ZAHRA, JUST LANCE (MAHIKI)TRISTAN BAIN (360) + DAN P

THROUGH THE DECADES

MAGAZINE

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it'S a BiG SUMMER oF SPoRt, anD FiRSt UP on tHE MEnU iS tHE EURoPEan CHaMPionSHiPS in UKRainE anD PoLanD. StaRtinG on JUnE 8, 16 oF tHE BESt tEaMS in tHE WoRLD FEatURinG SoME oF tHE BESt PLayERS in tHE WoRLD WiLL DUKE it oUt. anD yoU Can WatCH it aLL — anD EnJoy SoME iMPRESSivE DJ taLEnt aS WELL — in tHE GoLDEn Foot MEGa tEnt at DiMC at Mina SiyaHi.

FootBaLL FEvER

Players to watch out for

England - alex oxlade-Chamberlain Pacy, tricky on the ball and —

perhaps crucially — a relatively unknown talent to opposing defenders, Oxlade-Chamberlain could be the spark that England need.

GRoUP a GRoUP B GRoUP C GRoUP DCzech Republic

Denmark Croatia England

Greece Germany Italy France Poland holland Republic of

Ireland Sweden

Russia Portugal Spain Ukraine

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France - yann M'vila Arsenal may well break their transfer record to sign the Rennes midfield player, such is his reliability and thrust in the centre of the pitch.

italy - Mario Balotelli If only as no one — not even the madcap but brilliant forward — knows what he's going to do next. A livewire on and off the ball.

Portugal - Joao MoutinhoIt's rumoured Chelsea will again be sniffing after this sparky midfielder, but a good European Championship will force his price up even further.

Republic of ireland - aiden McGeady McGeady’s time at Spartak Moscow since his £9.5 million move from Celtic in 2010 could be best described as patchy, though his recent form suggests that the tournament may yet see the player that bedazzled in his Parkhead pomp.

Spain - Xavi After winning the the player of the tournament award at the 2008 Euros, Xavi — a lavishly talented midfielder — is if anything even better 4 years later, and a talisman for the defending champions.

Highlights

June 8, 10.45pm - Russia vs Czech RepublicJune 9, 10.45pm - Germany vs PortugalJune 10, 8pm - Spain vs Italy June 11, 8pm - France vs England June 13, 10.45pm - holland vs Germany June 14, 10.45pm - Spain vs Republic of Ireland June 8-19 - Group matches June 21-24 - Quarter Finals June 27-28 - Semi Finals July 1 - Final

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Golden Foot Mega Tent, Dubai International Marine Club, Mina Siyahi June 7-July 1, 6pm-3am, 056 206 7975

What's on offer 12 screens, 2 projectors and 1 mega screen

A resident DJ on hand for pre and post match music, while there'll also be a live band to make sure the adrenaline levels never drop

Free entry to all games, with a full food and drink menu

Full shisha service

Table reservations: [email protected], 056 206 7975 Friday June 29 will feature Sasha Lopez, one of Romania's star DJs, with support from Ale Blake and Broono, tickets Dhs150.

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in JUSt a FEW WEEKS, ManSion HaS MaRKED itSELF oUt aS a vERy DiFFEREnt DUBai CLUB — DEDiCatED to MUSiC anD tHE DanCEFLooR. WE CaUGHt UP WitH tHE Man WHo MaDE it HaPPEn, DaniEL yantin to FinD oUt WHat'S in StoRE FoR tHE RESt oF tHE SEaSon…

HoW WaS tHE oPEninG WEEKEnD, DiD it LivE UP to yoUR EXPECtationS? We were really pleased with the opening weekend which featured a Pacha Recording party on May 17th and hernan Cattaneo on the 18th. The launch nights attracted a great crowd who we look forward to welcoming back at Mansion week after week. HoW WoULD yoU DESCRiBE tHE SoUnD anD LooK yoU’RE GoinG FoR? Mansion has been very much designed with a new York underground club feel in mind, but with the luxury that is synonymous with Dubai. Musical integrity is key to Mansion and this is reflected in the music we play as well as the DJs we’ll be hosting on a weekly basis. The sound will vary depending on the

ThemanfromMansion

night but we have something for all. The sound will vary depending on the night but we have something for all serious clubbers in Dubai. yoU’RE FREE EntRy PoLiCy (WitH taBLE RESERvationS aS WELL) iS qUitE a RaDiCaL onE — Do yoU tHinK it WiLL HavE an aFFECt aCRoSS DUBai? Our free entry policy is working well so far, but this policy can be reviewed as we move forward to ensure we are attracting the right clientele for the club. In terms of offering free entry to those who reserve tables, I personally believe that if I’m spending money on a table I shouldn’t have to pay an entrance fee so wanted to extend this policy to guests at Mansion.

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tHE SoUnD WaS onE oF tHE BiG HiGHLiGHtS FRoM tHE oPEninG FEW WEEKS, HoW DoES it DiFFER FRoM otHER CLUBS? We have a serious music policy, bringing over top international DJs on a weekly basis from the best labels in the industry including Pacha, Defected and Privilege. We are not only hosting house music nights though, as a club we like to offer different nights to the diverse selection of clubbers in town. Our resident DJ Jean B is renowned in the region and will be playing on a weekly basis. In terms of the quality of the sound, our Funktion 1 sound system is second to none and there is no better way for clubbers to experience the music we have to offer. tHE LooK iS aLSo vERy StRiKinG anD qUitE inDUStRiaL — WHo tooK

tHE REiGnS on HoW it WoULD LooK DESiGn-WiSE? The design concept of the club has very much been a collaborative effort between myself, Operations Manager Billy hamadeh and Milan-based interior designer Marco Mangili. The interiors of the club reflect the club’s subversive yet luxurious feel with four golden cages acting as the centre piece of the interiors. anD WHat’S in StoRE UntiL RaMaDan? Our closing party before Ramadan will feature the legendary Satoshie Tomiie (on July 20th) – the perfect way to end the season and give a taste of what’s in store for the next!

Mansion, Melia Hotel, Bur Dubai, facebook.com/MansionNightClubDubai, 050 144 0753.

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tHEy'RE tHE MULti-MiLLion SELLinG US RoCK/GotH BanD, BUt WHat ELSE Do yoU KnoW aBoUt UP-CoMinG DUBai viSitoRS EvanESCEnCE?

EvanEscEncE in numbers

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17 million - total number of albums sold.

6 million - number of copies their second album, The Open Door, sold in 2006.

2 - number of Grammys they’ve won, while they’ve been nominated 7 times in total.

5 - number of band members that have come and gone since the band started in 1995.

100 - total number of copies of their debut, self-titled EP released in 1998. Original copies now fetch huge sums on auction sites.

2 - previous band names, Childish Intentions and Stricken, before they settled on Evanescence, which means fading away, or disappearance.

1 year - amount of time that their debut album, Fallen, spent in the Billboard Top 100, one of only 8 albums in history to achieve the feat.

447,000 - number of copies of 2nd album The Open Door that were sold in the first week in America. That’s 44 copies every minute.

3 - genres that Evanescence are generally tagged under, including rock, metal and goth. The band keep things simple, calling themselves a rock band.

Evanescence play World Trade Center, Friday June 22, 6pm-late, Dhs295.

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Head to Head

There is a fantastic story surrounding Calvin Harris and a Portaloo… tell us more.Basically Suggs from Madness asked Calvin for an autograph for his daughter. Calvin blanked him so just before Calvin went on stage he nipped into the Portaloo for a quick pee, Suggs saw the chance to get his own back and locked him inside for 20 mins, Calvin went crazy but to be honest it was him that came out of it looking silly. You are a huge Liverpool fan, what lengths have you gone to watch a game whilst on tour?I’ve had laptops set up on stage, I’ve hitched lifts through jungles and hired speedboats to get me off islands - nothing will keep me from seeing them play.

Dub Pistols won Best Live Band 2011 at The DJ Mag ‘Best of British awards in the UK...It’s an award that’s voted for by the public, so that made it all the more

tHE DUB PiStoLS aRE not onLy DanCE MUSiC'S REnaiSSanCE MEn, HavinG RiSEn BaCK UP tHE DanCE MUSiC RanKS, tHEy'vE aLSo RoPED in DUBai MC oLLy WooD FoR SoME FEStivaL aCtion LatER tHiS SUMMER. So WE Got DUB PiStoLS Main Man BaRRy aSHWoRtH to Sit DoWn WitH oLLy anD FiRE oFF 5 qUEStionS EaCH aHEaD oF BaRRy'S tRiLoGy viSit in JUnE

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special to win, we beat off completion from the likes of Primal Scream.

Who from the modern music scene inspires you and why?2 MCs I’m digging right now are Genisis Alijah and Akala, both are very deep and political. What’s this year been like for you so far? The new album “Worshipping The Dollar” is out on Sunday Best on July 2nd, so we are currently in the middle of a sellout Uk tour. Then we move into festival season where we are playing nearly 2 shows a day until the end of September. Barry vs olly You have played some big shows in Dubai, what’s been your favourite and why?The performance with Artwork from Magnetic Man was a quality night, he played a banging set, as did all the warm up DJs – we converted a few house clubbers that night. How would you describe the UAE dance scene?The UAE dance scene is a sexy little beast and a melting pot of global talent and influence. There is a place for everyone I believe. You’ve recently started recording your own music, how is that

sounding and will we be hearing a Olly Wood album soon?new music is sounding big. now I know I would say that because it’s mine (and the wonderful Greg Stainer’s too) but I shall follow with a quick reality check... it’s commercial. On the horizon is a single post-Ramadan and an album at the end of the year. Who’s been the best DJ to play in Dubai and who has been the biggest disappointment?Best DJ to play in Dubai has quite simply been Barry Smashworth… and biggest disappointment was Calvin harris. Are you looking forward to sharing the main stage at Bestival with The Dub Pistols this year? The main stage gig at Bestival with you lads is going to be insane, I cannot wait at all… I'm actually slightly nervous for the first time.

iLLCommunications feat. Dub Pistols DJ set & MC Olly Wood, Trilogy Friday June 8, Dhs130, 10pm-3am.

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Bassment blues (and funk, hip hop and dnb)UnitinG EvERy URBan GRoovE UnDER tHE SUn, BoMBay BaSSMEnt aRE a Hot-StEPPinG inDian 4 PiECE BRinGinG tHEiR ECLECtiC SoUnD to DUBai FoR tHE FiRSt tiME. WE CaUGHt UP WitH tHEM aHEaD oF tHEiR MUSiC RooM GiG to FinD oUt MoRE…

you have a very eclectic sound — was it a conscious decision to be something different, or just a natural conclusion? LEvin MEnDES (Levin - Drummer & Founding Member)It was a conscious call to move away from the regular rock/metal space and form an outfit that was purely drum n bass dominated. But as we progressed with the

inclusion of MC and rapper Bobkat & Chantz (producer & DJ) I guess that sound just molded itself on its own to create unique blend of urban sounds.

and do you ever get confusion from people when you tell them what you play?CHanDRaSHEKaR KUnDER (Chantz – Samples, Percussions & DJ)

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Initially it was tough as we are the only live act in India mashing up so many urban sounds. We’ve been lucky enough to play 55 odd gigs in just 16 months which included many festivals and different cities, which helped us in getting strong fan base, word of mouth and viral popularity and also good mix of audio and visual tools.

Who are your influences as a band? BoB oMULo (BobKat – emcee/rap)Influences vary through all genres since musicians from different backgrounds and musical interests have come together. I love many of the old school rappers, nas, Rakim, and some of the newer ones who sound funky and jazzy. Our drummer boy, Levin enjoys a lot of Steven Wilson, Zack De La Rocha and Gavin harrison. Chantz is greatly influenced by Bob Marley, Arrested Development, Ziggi Recado and an exhaustive list of reggae artists. Our funky bass player, Ruell enjoys lot of old school classic rock, funk rock bands like Red hot Chili Peppers, Rage Against The Machine, Beastie Boys and off course his all time favorite Jamiroquai.

and if you could support any band in the world, who would it be and why?

RUELL BaRREtto (Ruell – Bass & founding member) Seriously difficult question. Each one will fight for their own favourites but we all love how Beastie Boys redefined the hip hop sound in 80s and Rage Against The Machine in 90s with their own unique blend of rap metal.

How would you sum up the live music scene back home? LEvin The live music scene back home is pretty challenging — at the same time, it’s exciting as there’s lots happening there. Different forms of music, newer acts experimenting with newer genres offering a wide variety to music lovers. Bollywood music will always be a monster which we will have to fight to make it big. Getting your music and talent heard is not as difficult as it use to be back in 90s.

What should we expect on the night? LEvin Actually too much of reading People coming to our gig should certainly wear comfortable shoes as we are known to make them jump and stomp. Bombay Bassment, Friday June 8, The Music Room, 8pm-late, Dhs60. Ph

OTO

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THE ULTIMATE PARTY GUIDE

PART

Y GU

IDE

ON THE RADARON THE RADARRonin & nesta, n’Dulge, June 21 evanescence, Trade Centre, June 22Ferry Corsten, du Forum, June 28Hacienda night, Trilogy, June 28

Loaded 1st Birthday, Casa Latina, June 29 sneaky sound system, n’Dulge, July 12Inner City Live, Trilogy, July 12J-Lo, november 22

We’ve tweaked the listings, and give one-off events preference. For a full list of what’s on, please head to infusion.ae. Please submit your listings to [email protected] for possible inclusion.

Sunday 3 MaDonna, yaS iSLanD The Queen of pop performs live at this sell out show. 6pm-late.

Monday 4 MaDonna, yaS iSLanD Tickets are still available for the 2nd night of Madonna’s excellent show. 6pm-late, Dhs495. RnB MonDayS, vELvEt UnDERGRoUnD nO.1 Events presents Shero and Brooklyn on urban duties. 10pm-3am. Weekly. onE niGHt StanD UP, onE UP (BoUtiqUE 7, tECoM) Local comedians make the funnies, while there are good drink deals at this busy Tecom bar. 8pm. SaCH HoLDEn, tHE FRiDGE Witty and off-the-wall singer/songwriter Sach holden takes centre stage. 8pm, Dhs50. PERSian RED CaRPEt, tRiLoGy Persian and house music from

Genario and Jet k. 10pm-3am. Weekly.

TueSday 5BULL FUnK Zoo, JaMBaSEExcellent live music fronted by hamdan Al Abri. 8pm-late, every Tuesday/Thursday/Friday. MaSSivE tUESDayS, SEnSation Deep to funky house from a 4 DJ line, and a free bottle of Champagne to groups of 5 ladies. 10.30pm-late, men Dhs80 (including 1 drink). Weekly. PinG ME, CatWaLK new ladies night an RnB and old skool classics playlist and free sparkly for ladies all night. 10pm-3am, ladies free all night. Weekly. UBER tUESDayS, SHo CHoFree cocktails from 10pm-midnight, and tunes courtesy of Stephane karl. Weekly.

WedneSday 6DiaMonD WEDnESDayS, BoUDoiR

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THE ULTIMATE PARTY GUIDE

Radio 1’s Brooklyn and DJ Shero on the urban soundtrack, with free Diamond cocktails for ladies until 1am. 9pm-late. Weekly. MinGLE, LEFt BanK (SoUq aL BaHaR & MaDinat JUMEiRaH) Dhs5 cocktails for ladies (no, really) from 8pm-late. tHE ULtiMatE LaDiES niGHt, ZinC Funky house, electro and party tunes with a free bottle of Russia’s finest for 5 or more ladies booking a table, plus free bubbly until 1am. 9pm-late. Weekly.

ThurSday 7 aaa FEat. tiMMy vEGaS, n’DULGE Big room house from the Soul Central star, with Soulninja on urban duties in the Velvet Room. 10pm-3am, women free before midnight, Dhs100. aKS, vELvEt UnDERGRoUnD Commercial, Desi, house and Bollywood from DJ/Producer Aks. 10pm-3am. Weekly. aPERtivo, M-DEKThe after-work destination continues as M-Dek gets a covered, AC-controlled tent for the summer, meaning more Dhs25 after work Peronis. 5pm-10pm, Free. Weekly. BoUDoiR Free shots for ladies until 1am, and commercial RnB and house. 10pm-3am. Weekly. BoLLyWooD PaRty, SEnSation Desi and Bollywood hits all night long. 10pm-3am, ladies

and couples free entry until midnight. CLUB antHEMS, ZinCGreg Stainer and the rest of the Zinc crew drop chart bombs. 10pm-3am. Weekly. DEEP CRatES, CaSa Latina Funk, hip hop and B Boy breaks. 10pm-3am, free. Weekly.JaMRoCK, SUBLiME Reggae and Caribbean vibes from a revolving roster of Dubai’s best urban DJs. 9pm-3am, ladies free before 12am. Weekly.ManSion, MELia HotELMore tech house and house from the newly opened, very stylish club. 10pm-3am, free. SoULFUL SESSionS, M-DEKSchooly’s funk/sou/hip hop sessions continue under the M-Dek roof. 10pm-3am. inFSUion PiCK! TABOO FEAT. JAMES ZABIELA, TRILOGY The tech-house wizard returns for another big night of upfront electronica. 10pm-3am, Dhs100 main.

XPERiEnCE, CHi house music in Chi Club, with Flowmaster J dropping RnB and urban tunes in Chi Red. 10pm-3am, Free for ladies and couples. Weekly.

Friday 8BaSSWoRX, CatWaLK More bassbin music as Rude Larry and his team drop DnB and dubstep. 9pm-3am, Dhs50 after 1am.

PARTY GUIDE

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BoMBay BaSSMEnt, MUSiC RooM Live hip hop, funk and DnB from the Indian four piece. 8pm-late, Dhs60. BRUnCH BEat SESSion, BaHRi BaR Ambient and chilled out grooves from Jeli Maniago. 4-8pm. Weekly. ConnoiSSEUR, vELvEt UnDERGRoUnD Sophisticated urban soundtrack. 10pm-3am. Weekly. FRiDayS @ EURaSia Jmaxlolo and guests drop funky house, with ladies night drink deals. Carlton Tower hotel, Deira. Weekly. iLL CoMMUniCationS FEat. DUB PiStoLS, tRiLoGy Barry Ashworth drops the dubstep, hip hop and DnB weapons, with support from Olly Wood MC. 10pm-3am, Dhs100. PRiviLEGE @ ManSion, MELia HotEL The Ibiza powerhouse headline, with Oriol Calvo dropping the house weapons. 10pm-3am, free. no. 1 FRiDayS, n’DULGE hip hop and RnB bangers. 10pm-3am, Ladies free before 11.30, Dhs100. Weekly. oFF tHE RECoRD, M-DEKIt’s the last installment for the Off The Record team - expect quality house and beats and treats from the varied DJ line up, while there’s a 6-9pm happy hour. 4pm-1am. StRanDED, LEBanon iSLanD (tHE WoRLD)

Day time grooves into house music at the newly opened Lebanon Island on the World. 12 midday-late, Dhs200 entry and speedboat. [email protected]. Weekly. WHy Do MEn REaLLy CHEat, MUSiC RooM A brunch seminar on what makes men tick. 12-4pm, Dhs300 all inclusive.

SaTurday 9

inFUSion PiCK! 411, PEOPLE BY CRYSTALThe popular hip hop and RnB night helmed by DJ Bliss, takes over at its new location. 10pm-3am. Weekly.

HEnnESSy aRtiStRy UnPLUGGED, ZinC Some of the city’s best live talent on stage, while the stage is also open to willing entrants. 7pm-midnight, couples and la-dies free. famedxb.com. Weekly. inDUStRy, ZinC A right royal mashup with every-thing from hip hop to dubstep on the cards from the big roster of DJs. 10pm-3am. Weekly.

inFUSion PiCK!GOLDEn FOOT MEGA TEnT, DIMC The European Championships kick off today with hosts Poland taking on Greece in the opening match. 8pm, free. See cover story for more listings.

THE ULTIMATE PARTY GUIDE

PART

Y GU

IDE

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PARTY GUIDETHE ULTIMATE PARTY GUIDE

Monday 11 KHaLiL GHaDRi aCoUStiC FUSion BanD, tHE FRiDGE More excellent live music from the Fridge team as the Arabic/Indian and Flamenco fusing band headline. 8pm, Dhs50.

WedneSday 13 DJ Da CanDy, KaRMa KaFE More Wednesday night madness as DJ Da Candy drops an eclectic set. 8pm-late.

ThurSday 14

inFUSion PiCK!BAD MEDICInE, CATWALk Big bad basslines spanning house and garage with Marky B on deck duty. 10pm-3am, Dhs50.

CLUB antHEMS FEat. DaMian D’CoSta, ZinCOne of Bahrain’s best DJs headlines with support from Greg Stainer and the rest of the Zinc crew. 10pm-3am, men Dhs100 after midnight, ladies free all night. Weekly. ManSion, MELia HotEL Resident DJ Jean B takes control of Dubai’s latest club. 10pm-3am, free. taBoo, tRiLoGy The best of the underground house scene at Trilogy. 10pm-3am, Dhs100.

Friday 15

inFUSion PiCKAnTARCTIC MOnkEYS, MUSIC ROOMThe Uk Arctic Monkeys tribute band make sure you look good on the dancefloor tonight. 8pm-late.

DaRE to CoMPaRE, viRGin DUBai MaLL Sennheiser event where they’re asking people to compare their headphones with other brands, with giveaways and competitions. 1-10pm. SUBMiniMaL, CatWaLK The deeper, techier side of DnB courtesy of Catwalk regulars Mr Gremlin, Somalie and kymera. 9pm-3am, Dhs50 after 1am. iLL CoMMUniCationS LoCaL SHoWCaSE, tRiLoGy RnB and hip hop in the main room, with some of the top local DJs doing the tech-house honours in the studio. 10pm-3am, Dhs130.

SaTurday 16 DaRE to CoMPaRE, viRGin DUBai MaLL Sennheiser event where they’re asking people to compare their headphones with other brands, with giveaways and competitions. 1-10pm

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Short Courses

Certification & Software Training

SHORT COURSES Graphic Design Electronic Music Production Photography Digital DJ Motion Graphic Compositing iPhone Apps Development Digital 3D Animation Digital Painting

SAE INSTITUTE DUBAIKnowledge VillageBuilding 16, Floor 2Dubai, UAET: +971 (0) 4 361 6173E: [email protected]: saedubai.com

FCP 101: Introduction to Final Cut Pro XFCP 200: Comprehensive Study of Final Cut Pro XLogic 101: Introduction to LogicApple Certification ExamsIntroduction to Adobe PhotoshopAdvanced Adobe PhotoshopIntroduction to Adobe Illustrator Advanced Adobe IllustratorIntroduction to Adobe InDesignAdvanced Adobe InDesignIntroduction to Adobe After EffectsAdvanced After EffectsIntroduction to Adobe Lightroom

CERTIFICATION & SOFTWARE TRAINING

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Look AnDLISTENMusic be the food of love, so read on...

> Music news

> Soundstage

> album Reviews

> DJ top 10

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Music news...Legendary disco singer Donna Summer has died from cancer after a long battle with the illness. She was just 63. Scores of stars includ-ing paid tribute via Twitter and Facebook. “In shock that the person who made my favourite record of all time has passed away,” tweeted Jagz kooner, “RIP Donna Summer”. “It’s the art of the remix defined - in 1978,” Jagz enthused. “Built from one of the greatest tunes ever made and turned into an epic 15 minute version with more cool synth riffs and arpeggiators than pretty much any tune that has been put together since. Still gets me every time. “Some record are years ahead of their time, ‘i Feel Love’ was decades

ahead,” horse Meat Disco’s Luke howard de-clared, a point echoed by Jez and Tim from Utah Saints. This track showed you didn’t need a guitar to make exciting music, and kick-started bedroom producers around the world!”

DESPITE ITS REPUTATIOn as the clubbing capital of the world, starting up in Ibiza isn’t easy - even when you’re Sankeys, the award-winning Manches-ter club. While their first year had a lot of highs, it also revealed more questions than it answered. But with a long winter of planning behind them, Sankeys returns for its second year to Playa d’en Bossa and has some strong line ups to boast about, includ-ing an opening weekend that featured Basement Jaxx, Booka Shade, Joy Orbison and Moska. And it’s this adventurous programming that the club will be showcasing this season, including residencies from Steve Lawler and Solomun. head to sankeysibiza.info for full listings.

RIP Donna

SanKEyS iBiZa PaRt ii

MUSiC BitES

We rely on our sponsors because we don’t make any money selling records

Which explains why Diplo has teamed up with Blackberry and Pepsi Max recently. So it’s not called ‘selling out’, it’s called ‘putting bread on the table’.

Look and Listen

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the Music Room excels at live music, and a large part of that is thanks to their resident bands. and the latest group to grace the stage are the Boxtones…

Soun

dsta

ge: t

he B

oxto

nes

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How would you describe your sound? We like, and pride ourselves on trying to be different from the usual entertainment you get in the Middle East. We practically have our own version of every song we play. And that’s just the covers, we also write and perform our own original material.

Most of our songs are about...The original material? Well, what are most songs about these days?... Sex. We have a couple of titles that stray from that subject. We a have a song in there about alien abduction, another about the recent unrest in the Middle East, a couple about Louise (our singer) and her feelings towards certain things (she is after all the main lyricist) and one of my favourites (Gary - guitar/vocals ) is a song about the current state of music, pop stars, and how the music industry has recently become a modeling agency with talent as a secondary option. You know, the usual.

What’s the best gig you’ve playedIt’s all relative to what kind of gig it is, but I think playing original material gives you the best satisfaction, and rocking out to over a thousand people while they all sing along (even though it might not be your song) brings you a different but equally powerful kind of awesome.

the weirdest thing a fan has said or given to us was...Gill (our drummer) used to get a lot of jewelry and marriage proposals, which has to go up there as weird and creepy all at once.

What’s the one thing you’d like to request on your rider?A Jaeger-station wouldn’t go amiss!

Fame or respect?Money or debt? We do this work (covers) to make money, because as a musician, it’s very, very hard to get paid. And we all work very hard, not just this band, but every musician I have ever met (barring a few!) and we all deserve it. So Respect is my answer cause I respect everyone that does this, ‘cause it’s hard, and if you get famous from doing it, that’s just another way to get paid for it. The Boxtones play @ The Music Room, facebook.com/theboxtones

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Album Reviews...WhILE DAnCE MUSIC is getting ever bigger, and ever more commercialized and homogenized, it’s refreshing to know that the old guard are still holding the fort for intelligent, forward-thinking dance music. And alongside names like Aphex Twin and Warp Records, on which label this album is released, you can add Squarepusher, a sonic terrorist who mines the darker, more challenging strains of dance music. Melding jazz, dysfunctional robot squelches, future DnB and the sort of sonic armoury that you imagine off-world aliens use to communicate, Squarepusher AkA Uk artist Tom Jenkinson, creates a soundscape that is the polar opposite of the Top 40. ‘Unreal Square’ for example takes an 8-bit arrpegiated loop, and somehow ends up in furious DnB territory, ‘Stadium Ice’ is the sound of Daft Punk’s squelch machine being used and abused to create post-pop pop, while album highlight, ‘Dark Steering’ is whimsical but punishing, an operatic and captivating noise that builds into the sort of electronic maelstrom that shouldn’t be possible. It’s not easy listening (‘303 Scopem hard’ is industrial filth that should come with a health warning), but with Squarepusher that’s always been half the point. Stimulating stuff.

SqUaREPUSHER - UFaBULUM

Look and Listen

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WhILE BRITAIn MIGhT COnSIDER itself the indie capital of the world, the harsh reality has been that America has in recent times thrust ahead, unleashing perfectly formed bands like Alabama Shakes and Deerhunter, while Britian unleashes yet another reunion. And leading that US charge is Beach house, dreamy purveyors of sunset pop, who thanks to their 3rd album, Teen Dream, gently catapulted into the world, with the album sitting pretty in most ‘album of the year’ polls. The question for the boy-girl Baltimore duo is how can they improve on virtual perfection? By taking their soft-focus, organic pop and growing it into a cascading thing of wonder, each song starting as a small spark of inspiration before soaring into action: the end effect is a little like watching a firework explode in slow motion. Its simplicity is its strength, as track after track flourishes based solely on barely-there drums, longing guitar riffs and sing-song vocals. And rarely is it so hard to pick out highlights, but when each song feels like a continuation, a growth, it’s easier to define the album by its whole. This then is the sound of America right now, one that Beach house has defined as a perpetually hazy, mid-summer sunset. And that’s a sound that everyone can embrace. Andy Buchan

BEaCH HoUSE - BLooM

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DJ keith Dobbs Residency – Various

DJ AkS www.djaks.net

1. Way Out West - Ajare2. Way Out West - The Gift3. Everything but the girl - Missing (Antony G remix)4. dotSTRIPE - Pueblo (The Chosen Two remix)5. hernan Cerbello - Reach Deeper6. Tony hewitt ft. Dj Chus & Ceballos - On the Strength 7. Silversix - Funky (DJ PP and Fiesta bros mix)8. Stan kolev&Matan Caspi - nirvana9. Vincent Vega & Manuel Baccano & Eve Lamell - Be Yourself 10. Chocolate Puma ft Colonel Red - Destiny

1. Darko De Jan - Mambo Poa (Sonny Wharton Remix)2. Carl hanaghan & Ted nilsson - Together (My Digital Enemy 3. DJ Escape, DJ PP - Listen B*tch4. Crazibiza - Banana Pop (Original Mix)5. Pablo Ceballos - Adagio For Drums (Original Mix)6. Darko De Jan - Groovilicious (Original Mix)7. Utah Saints - Something Good (Roger Williams Mix)8. Adam Port - Sally (Original Mix)9. Darko De Jan & Greg Stainer - Sombreros (Original Mix)10. Deepdisco - The Return Of Toxic Disco - Darko De Jan Remix

1. Reboot - Enjoy Music (DJ Chus 2012 Re-Edit)2. nathan Lee - nassau's Groove (Original Mix)3. Max Martinez, MJ White - Back To The One (Original Mix)4. Oscar P & Marcus Pearson - Violet (DJ Smash Mix Re-Mastered)5. Ralf Gum Feat. Robert Owens - Fly Free (Ralf Gum Main Mix)6. Bucie - not Fade (DJ Spinna Galactic Soul Remix)7. Joey negro Pres. Z Factor - Sounds in The Air (Soul Purpose Mix)8. Black Coffee, Thiwe - Crazy (Charles Webster Slightly Deeper Mix)9. Alfred Azzetto & Vincent Valler feat. Manuelle - I've Got the Music in 10. Luyo & DJ Ermi - My king (DJ Spen & Gary hudgins Remix)

1. Siege – Plug & Play - Zouk Recordings2. keane – Silenced By The night (Alesso Remix) - Refune Records3. Stuart Browne & Flippers - 'Wild Card' (Michael Woods Edit) 4. Lasgo - Sky high5. Andreea Balan - Lasa-ma Papa La Mare (Bobby Moore RMX)6. Dj Layla - I'm Your Angel (feat Sianna)7. Cerf, Mitiska & Jaren - Give Me A Sound8. Antoine Clamaran David Esse Grace kim - Eclypse (Original Mix)9. DJ AkS - Electro Sufi10. DJ AkS - Yeke Yeke Remix

Julia Poly Aprés

Darko De Jan Armani Prive

12345678910DJ TOPLook and Listen

To SuBMIT youR ToP 10, SEND IN THE BELoW FoRMaT To [email protected]

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LookingGOODStuff to brighten up our world.

> the Goss

> Movies

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DIMInUTIVE AUSSIE SInGER kylie Minogue set a new Twitter record after she was bombarded with 25,000 mes-sages in less than 45 minutes. She’d asked her followers to message her and when she hit the 25,000 mark, she’d unveil her new track ‘Timebomb’ on her website. But just 43 minutes later, her fans had achieved the mark and brought ‘record traffic to the site’. now if only we can get her to start re-tweeting some of the Infusion Twitter magic and we’d be laughing…

The GossMInOGUE BREAkS tWittER RECORD

nicole kidman sent provocative pictures of herself to director Lee Daniels to convince him she was the right person to play a sex-crazed woman in The Paperboy. kidman stars along-side Zac Efron in the steamy thriller - Daniels’ first film following his 2009 Oscar-winning drama Precious. Daniels initially baulked at casting kidman in the low budget movie, but the actress was so determined to land the role, she dressed up as the character and texted him some saucy snaps. She told Us Weekly, “Lee said, ‘Look, we’ve got no money, you’re going to have to do your own hair and make-up’. So I actually went into my bathroom and I got out the fake tan and put on fake eyelashes and got a hairpiece thing that was platinum, threw it all on and texted a photo to Lee in all these different provoca-tive positions. That’s how it came together. What he sent back i can’t say, but it was a thumbs up.”

kIDMAn GLovES COME OFF GoSS BitEimma throw at least 2 mill. For everyone. not just the strippers.

P Diddy promised to splash the cash and hand out at least $2million in cash at various strip clubs in Miami. now where did we put those hot pants and stipper pole...

Looking Good

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hugely hyped ‘prequel’ to the Alien trilogy, with original director Ridley Scott on direction duties. Early indications are that this will be the first big blockbuster of the summer. Classification: 15 Director: Ridley Scott Starring: noomi Rapace, Charlize Theron, Michael Fassbender

Prometheus

iron Sky The nazis didn’t get vanquished, they just disappeared to the moon to plot their revenge. Or so says this fitful spoof which nearly promises to deliver on its comedic promise. Classification: 18Director: Timo Vuorensola Starring: Julia Dietze, Udo kier

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21 JumP street

Snow White and the Huntsman The 2nd Snow White reboot, and the best, as this dark take on the fairy tale features star turns from Charlize Theron and Thor’s Chris hemsworth. Classification: 12 Director: Rupert Sanders Starring: kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron

Loosely based on the TV series, this is a very funny tale of undercover cops sent back to high school to try and bring down an undercover drug ring. Classification: 12 Director: Phil Lord, Chris Miller Starring: Jonah hill, Channing Tatum, Ice Cube

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LookingCLOSERopinions, thoughts and jiberish...

> Weird news

> Pan-arabian Enquirer

> Cool test

> Big q

> angry Monkey

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Weird news...

A Canadian woman called the emergency services after mistaking her neigh-bour’s noisy toilet efforts for a violent disturbance. She called the police at 5am, and after banging on the door for several minutes, the unarmed man finally answered the door. “When questioned about the amount of noise he was making, the man explained that he had been essentially on the toilet having his morning constitutional but he was done now,” explained deputy chief Ducker. “The officers asked him to try to keep the noise down in such future endeavours and he said he would do his best.”

IT MAY BE VIRGIn on the ridiculous but a club of Chinese businessmen had more than 2,800 applicants after they advertised for wives in Guangdong prov-ince, in south-east China. The 11 men said finding staff was always easiest by advertising, so they decided to apply the same strategy to their search for a wife. In total there were 11 positions up for grabs, and all the ap-plicants needed to be either Chinese or of Chinese descent, attrac-tive, single, and of course virgins and aged between 18 and 28. The men used their hR dept to weed out the best 320 and into

the second round which included a beauty contest, a psychology test, and show off their other talents to produce a final list. For better, for worse, it seems.

YOU’VE GOT TO BE SittinG ME

WEiRD BitESthey park il-legally at the roadside, making the narrow street very crowded and dangerous for pedestrians

3 Chinese students have taken the law into their own hands by patrolling their campus for errant parkers. Oh, and dressed as Lara Croft. Best. Park-ing. Fine. Ever.

RICh PiCKinGS

Looking Closer

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JEDDaH: A leading Saudi cleric this morning came out with a warning that his team of radical hardliners was running out of things to ban. “Simply put, we’ve banned ourselves into a corner,” said Dr Mustafa Slash, who yesterday outlawed the raising of toilet seats as “despicable”. Many critics in the industry suggest that Dr Slash is simply a victim of his own success, and that with an average rate of 14 new things forbidden at his behest each day, he was simply outlawing things quicker than they were being produced. “he needs to slow down with immediate effect or end up finding himself out of business,” said leading religious edict expert Jamal O’Emirates. Last year, Dr Slash took the controversial path of moving from actual items and physical actions towards metaphysical states, and famously banned ‘curiosity’ and ‘irony’, before pulling the plug after just a few months. “Banning irony proved to a complete nightmare,” said Dr Slash at the time. “nobody seemed to understand what we were talking about.” There was also an attempt to outlaw banning, a move which created a terrifying paradox Dr Slash admitted “was a bit too much for most to handle”.

The Pan-Arabia Enquirer is the Middle East’s premier source of satirical news. This means that it’s entirely made up and not intended, in any way whatsoever, to be taken as factual.

SAUDI CLERICS “RUnnInG OUT OF DAY-TO-DAY tHinGS TO BAn”

panarabiaenquirer.com

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As resident DJs at M-Dek’s Off The Record, they’re charged with dropping cooler than cool tracks — but who can beat the heat and take the coolest prize in dance music (Erm, that’s the Cool Test award BTW).

The verdict: It’s a tight one, but Da Sendri takes it for having shared film time with some Ibiza legends. Skills Dazzer.

Cool

vs

Have you ever used your fame or name to get out of trouble?

Fame? no, I don’t get into trouble or just don’t get caught.

I’ve used it to blag my way into places a few times but usually, if I’m in trouble I use somebody else’s name.

Have you ever injured yourself at work?

no.

Loads of times, the worst was jump-ing into the crowd off the top of the DJ booth and landing not too cleverly twisting my ankle, rather embarrass-ing hobbling back to the booth.

your best claim to fame is...

I once emailed Daniel O’Donnell, he didn’t respond!

Being in a docufilm with Jimi Mis-try, Paul Oakenfold, Danny Ram-pling and Pete Tong about Ibiza called ‘And The Beat Goes On’.

it’s not big and clever but... Pressing all the buttons as I get out of the lift really puts a smile on my face.

I have a retarded dwarf as a pet.

Describe your best track in 5 words… Deep rolling disco house chug. not what you would expect.

tell us your best one-liner...What do you call a tiger eating birthday cake? A Party Animal.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

What’s the best insult you could give each other?

Insult is quite a strong word, we prefer light hearted mockery.

I don’t really know Johnny very well, to me that’s a pretty big insult ;-)

JOhnnYThORnhILL DA SEnDRI

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Should smoking be banned in clubs and bars in Dubai?

The Big Question

Marc: No... ‘cos I’m a smoker.

Laura: Yes... there isn’t sufficient ventillation.

Lynn: No... clubs would be pretty empty considering that 80% of clubbers are smokers.

Trevor: I don’t smoke! Maybe just designated smoking areas in clubs?

?? ?

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Communication: it’s what marks human beings out from common, run-of-the-jungle monkeys, it’s what differentiates me from you.

And yet - AnD YET - some get it so blindingly, glaringly, painfully wrong that you have to scratch your head and wonder just which primordial soup of sludge they crawled out of.

One promotional SMS from the weekend (and we can only presume SMS stands for Dyslexic Messaging Tool), opened with ‘Dear Freinds’, before telling us their pool party will run ‘untill 3am’ and ‘will Be inane’, while another boasted of their ‘EXCLUSIVE DJ’ playing LIVE — well, a dead DJ wouldn’t be much good, would it?

But the best was from a mystery sender who forgot to plug the name of their club. To compound their misery, they decided, on the same night as Wiz khalifa and Tinie Tempah were playing across town, to throw a ‘Black and Yellow’ party with some unknown DJ, and signed off by saying ‘Get ready to PASS OUT!’ Utterly shameless to rip off both of khalifa and Tempah’s main songs, but at least Chi (we called the number as they’d forgotten to include) spelt the bulk of the text right. Just maybe brush up on your copyright laws next time, you feckless monkeys.

Monkey Out...

ANGRY MONKEY

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