incite

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interrogating immigration

b i k i n g p a s t b e d t i m e

rat ing random rooms

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Human Resources Management

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Call 416-675-6622, ext. 3381 or email graeme.simpson@humber.cafor further information. Apply for all Business School programs at the OCAS web site – www.ontariocolleges.ca

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Take your degree to a whole new level of success.Learn to manage international development projects overseas.

International Project Management is the only postgraduate program in Canada that shows you how your degree can change the world.

Call 416-675-6622, ext. 3032 or email rupen.das@humber.ca for further information.Apply for all Business School programs at the OCAS web site – www.ontariocolleges.ca

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incite@mcmaster.ca

E. GIROUX

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inciteEditing and Production Co–ordinator Catherine M.A. Wiebe

Editors Samantha Green Kate MacKeracher Kerry Scott Jacob Stewart–Ornstein Layout Co–ordinator Sylvia Andreae

Graphics Co–ordinator Erin Giroux

Graphics Erin Giroux Boram Ham Jesse Hodson William Moffatt Katie McCoy Janice Tsui Contributing Editors Rob Lederer Emma Love

Contributors Claire Marie Blaustein Nick Davies Jeanette Eby Patrick Egit Zsuzsi Fodor Ben Freeman Miguel Garcia Robin Hopson Ana Nikolic Erin O’Neil Anna Strathy Hayley Watson Printing Hamilton Web Printing

Impact Youth Publications1004 King St. W.Hamilton, ONL8S 1L1incite@mcmaster.ca

Incite is published six times per academic year by Impact Youth Publications. 10,000 copies are distributed in the McMaster University–Westdale area. Entire contents copyright 2004 Impact Youth Publications. Letters up to 300 words may be sent to the above address; they may be edited for lenth and clarity and will not be printed un-less a name, address, and daytime phone are provided. Opinions expressed are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect the views of Incite’s staff or Impact Youth Publications

INSIDE

FEATURES

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Play That Funky Music How to become a DJ

Rate My RoomIncite reviews McMaster lecture halls

Embracing ImmigrantsInterview with Loyd Kibaara

Interrogating ImmigrationIncite debates Canada’s future immigration policy

DEPARTMENTS

410151920

Happenings: News from Near and Far

Wanderings: Night Owls

Column: Rock of Ages

Column: Pop

What If...

Cover art by Erin GirouxCover design by Catherine Wiebe

EDIT

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incite 3

I who need others to show them around, figuratively as well as literally—I will admit to being in fourth year with a mi-nor in Comp Lit and to still having trou-ble finding my way around Arts Quad, and even 20–page magazines have a table of contents. Whether in human or conversational form, an analogy to bridge the gap between the understood and the (‘til–now–)unfathomable is al-ways welcome. It’s like a surprising dis-covery of a common language—a Ger-man and a Swede meeting in France and discovering that they both speak Italian. Or like that first time you figured out Pig Latin, and suddenly you could understand your older brother’s se-cretly encoded conversations with his friends. Or like the time that your math teacher explained fractions in terms of pizza and all of a sudden you got it. Or like...

In unrelated news, I’d like to send out a huge apology to Karen Weiser, Kerry Scott, Erin O’Neil, Dierdre Mul-cahy, Emma Love, and Ben Freeman—six talented writers who I forgot to give bylines to last issue. Thanks all for still liking me (and please note that I’ve re-formed—you hold in your hands a by-line–full issue).

love analogies. To friends (readers of my editorials), this admission will come as no surprise. I’m forever ex-

plaining aspects of Cartesian dualism in terms of ice cream toppings, relating operating systems to sourdough bread, or somehow comparing early–morning wakeups to different

methods of cooking apple crisp. For me, coming up with a good analogy is a bit of a rush. I love the feel-ing of being able to unite two formerly independent objects or concepts so that they will persist in memory as a per-manent pair, one acting as an agent of sorts for the other—explaining and illu-minating so that the concept may reach a wider audience than it ever would in isolation. I love that “aha!”, when an apt analogy clarifies a heretofore misunderstood concept for a friend or classmate. The search for a common under-standing to connect disparate experi-ences is one that occupies me constant-ly—not just when I’m editorializing. I probably spout off at least five analo-gies a day, and always hope for one that’s good enough to repeat later in different company. If it were possible, I’d eliminate my current career confu-sion by becoming a professional analo-gist, hiring my services out to the ana-

logically challenged for speechwriting and party repartée. Alas, Career Services has yet to post an opening for such a position, so I’m left with another inspiration in my daily analogizing—specifically, the metanalogy. The metanalogy is the pot of gold at the end of my analogy rain-bow, and is the Bela Fleck live to an ordinary analogy’s recorded banjo trio from the bargain bin at HMV. Rather than the analogy’s one–way street of explanation—one concept clarifying the other—the metanalogy illuminates both concepts that it references. It’s a dynamic equilibrium, moving to and fro and carving out a broader under-standing on both sides of the analogy. But enough of this theoretical discus-sion of analogies—let’s get to an actual comparison. I’ve been thinking a lot about maga-zines lately (read: since I started work-ing for this one, which is nearly four years ago now), and I’ve also been thinking a lot about immigration lately (read: since we decided to make immi-gration the theme of this issue, which is nearly four weeks ago now). The thing about magazines, particularly ones like Incite, whose focus is about as narrow as the mouth of the St. Lawrence, is that very different ideas can be juxta-posed within their pages. This month’s pages shelter musings on iTunes top

25 lists alongside mentions of Mahler, and tells tales of midnight meanderings a few pages away from insights into immigration. I’m sure you’ve jumped on my train of thought by now, and I needn’t spell out that Incite and immi-gration have more in common than just their first letter. Whether one knows more about magazines or about multi-cultural mosaics, thinking of one as an analogue to the other will almost cer-tainly change your perspective—or at least create a more colourful conversa-tion.

This month’s immigration focus has two parts to it. One is the debate on page 16, where Anna Strathy and Jea-nette Eby interrogate the federal gov-ernment’s recently announced yearly immigration target of 320 000. The oth-er is an interview with Loyd Kibaara of Hamilton’s Settlement and Integration Services Organization (SISO) on page 12, where he discusses the challenges facing immigrants to Canada, and to Hamilton in particular. Speaking of the programs that SISO runs, Loyd said that “When [immigrants] come here and there’s a new country, a new way of life, new culture, new everything, they need people to show them around, to connect them with the services in the community.” Immigrants aren’t the only ones

§

HAPPENINGS MINUTES FROM LAST MONTH

selected news from nearand far

inside the bubble

4 incite

School of the arts presents Henry V This November, the School of the Arts will present a dramatically re-imagined production of William Shakespeare’s Henry V. Directed by Dr. Peter Cockett, the production critically explores the world’s current political climate, espe-cially in regards to the recent U.S. elections and the War on Terror. The production is highly integrated with multimedia and features a very talent-ed ensemble cast of 25 McMaster stu-dents. The production opens on Friday 18 November in Robinson Memorial Theatre; 10 evening and matinee per-formances will be presented. Tickets are available from COMPASS and through the School of the Arts Box Office; the rate is $10 for students and $20 for general admission. More information can be found at the production’s website, http://www.henry-v.ca. CCC decries XXX Early in November, Mac students coming out for their first classes came across chalky catchphrases concern-ing Canada’s craze for crass written by the Campus Crusade for Christ (CCC). The campaign echoes a simi-

lar venture by the CCC last year, in which they plastered the phrase “Do You Agree with Dave?” across cam-pus. This year’s campaign, co–ordi-nated across several Canadian uni-versities, asks more direct questions: “Are we obsessed with sex?” and “Is Canada becoming a porn nation?” are among the phrases that form the cam-paign. Accompanying the chalky rheto-ric is a set of flyers posted on bulle-tin boards across campus listing sta-tistics about pornography in North America, including a few seemingly dubious claims: 60 percent of website accesses are sex-related? What is unclear from the slogans and catchphrases is the Crusade’s reasoning behind the campaign. The organization’s website claims that the images and situations depicted in most pornography degrade women. This contention is definitely true—but not apparent from the materials post-ed on campus. Some students dispute the rele-vancy of the campaign, believing the issue to be moot when considered alongside more pressing social issues. In response to the question “Are we becoming a porn nation?” one student joked, “I hope so.”

Students nominate profs The week of 7 November, Mac students will vote online to nomi-nate their profs for the MSU Teaching Awards. The results of the nominations, in tandem with in-class course eval-uations and a round of similar nom-inations next term, will lead to the final selection of the top professors at Mac. Besides the Faculty Awards, which credit one deserving professor from each of seven faculties, Merit Awards are also given to recognize new instructors who have demonstrated excellence in teaching. Aditionally, Lifetime Achievement Awards are given to experienced profs who were nominated for an award in the past and are approaching retirement. The recipients are honoured at an awards night, scheduled for 16 March. (According to tradition, the awards night will be followed by an informal Battle Royale in Zone 6, where the top professors from each faculty are invit-ed to prove their merit in the ring.)

Gendered humourRecent research by McMaster psychol-ogy professor Sigal Balshine suggests that humour is important to both men and women in a romantic relation-ship, but in different ways. Her arti-

cle, to be published in Evolution and Human Behaviour, argues that what matters to women is the man’s abil-ity to “generate” humour, while men equate a woman’s sense of humour with her ability to “appreciate” his jokes. Women who are very self-con-fident and make many jokes are often perceived as threatening by men. The article also notes that women laugh 126 percent more often than men.

Book clubs aren’t just for soccer moms anymoreThe McMaster Student Book Club is hosting a “Book Tasting” on 15 November 2005, 8pm to 1am at Bridges Café. At the event, students can discuss their ideas on various articles, novels, and journals while meeting new people with common interests. The Book Club will pro-vide appetizers and drinks as well as book giveaways throughout the night. Members pay a fee of $2 while non-members pay $4. For more infor-mation, check out http://spaces.msn.com/members/MacBooks/ or contact Geeta Ramdas, president of MSBC, at mcmasterbookclub@hotmail.com.

Compiled by Robin Hopson, Nick Davies, Zsuszi Fodor, and Ben Freeman

in hamilton

in canada and the world

incite 5

the US is hiding human rights abuses from them in these secret prisons.

Not quite like chicken

UNITED STATES – Hufu, LLC has developed a tofu product that sim-ulates the texture and flavour of human flesh. Mark Nuckols, founder and CEO, claims that his company’s product “tastes like beef but is a little softer in texture and sweeter in taste.” Hufu was developed by a Dutch food processor and is available at eathufu.com. The site also features several Aztec recipes and pieces of literature about cannibals. Although Nuckols has never actually sampled human flesh, he has “read enough accounts to have come up with a fairly good approximation.” He admits that there may “be a very limited market for the food product itself” but Nuckols hopes that “students of anthropology, who perhaps have read about canni-balism and are intrigued by the prac-tice” may try his product. Nuckols reportedly came up with the idea for human-flavoured tofu while eating a tofurkey sandwich and reading about cannibalism.

Compiled by Sam Green, Erin O’Neil, and Kerry Scott

and that there are no regulations that control their release into the environ-ment. The MOE promised to review the situation including conducting a one-year sampling program at land-fills and sewage plants. The Commissioner welcomes the investigation but warns “it should not be used as a reason to further post-pone the development of a stronger regulatory framework for this waste stream.” He regrets the MOE’s fail-ure to deal with potential conflicts of interest arising from Municipal agree-ments with industrial sewer users. The report also notes that “thus far, the MOE’s review has been almost wholly an internal exercise” from which the public has been excluded. The Environmental Commissioner’s report and related documents are posted at: http://www.eco.on.ca/english/newsre/05nov01.htm.

Condensed from reports by Citizens at City Hall. www.environmentham-ilton.oct/CATCH. For updates, contact catch@cogeco.ca. Reprinted with per-mission.

Red Hill group organizes lecture

Friends of Red Hill Valley is launch-ing an annual lecture series. The first speaker will be renowned architect Donald Schmitt whose firm has been hired to develop plans for McMaster’s west Hamilton research park. Schmitt is a principal in Diamond + Schmitt Architects Inc., and has two Governor-General medals to his credit. His company focuses on inno-vative solutions to site problems and resourceful uses of “green” technology. The topic of his lecture is “Imagining Hamilton’s Future”. A newsletter issued by Friends of Red Hill says the new lecture series “upholds the ideals of positive plan-ning and community building that marked [the group’s] efforts to protect and enhance the Red Hill Valley.” The lecture is scheduled for 9 November at 7:30 pm in First Unitarian Church on Dundurn Street South. It will also include the release of a CD containing a historical archive com-piled by the group, and the launch of the annual “Spirit of Red Hill Valley Writing Awards” that will offer priz-es to elementary and secondary school students for nature poetry and essays.

Diamond + Schmitt’s website is at http://www.dsai.ca/. More informa-tion about Friends of Red Hill can be found at http://www.hwcn.org/link/forhv/.

Audit report finds more prob-lems with Di Ianni campaign An audit released this week identi-fies five additional illegal donations to the 2003 election campaign of Mayor Di Ianni, and confirms at least 24 other apparent contraventions of the Municipal Elections Act. Auditor Ken Froese of LECG Canada Ltd notes that the improper donations have all been returned and expresses confidence that the mayor did not intentionally break the law. Ontario Court Justice Timothy Culver ordered city council to conduct the audit. He ruled in May that coun-cil was wrong to refuse a request for the audit filed in June 2004 by busi-nesswoman Joanna Chapman. Chapman had reviewed the list of the mayor’s campaign contributors filed by him in a sworn statement on 31 March 2004 and identified over 20 apparent violations. The report includes a recommen-dation for further investigation. The full report is available on

the CATCH website at http://envi-ronmenthamilton.org/CATCH/pdfs/FroeseReport-DiIanni.pdf.

City sewer rules called “conflict of interest”

Ontario’s Environmental Commissioner is criticizing the pro-vincial government for failing to act on concerns raised by Hamilton resi-dents three years ago about allowing industrial and landfill wastes into the city’s sewer system. He also calls into question various city sewer policies. The Commissioner’s annual report notes that the city of Hamilton allows local industries to dump about 5.7 million cubic metres of “liquid wastes that exceed limits set out in the city’s sewer use bylaw.” The companies pay the city about $1 million a year for this privilege, which the Commissioner sees as posing a conflict of interest. Citizens, including former MPP Brad Clark, have also challenged the decision of city council to accept leach-ate—water contaminated by flowing through landfill wastes—from the pri-vate Taro landfill. The Ministry of Environment (MOE) agreed that most sewage plants in Ontario “are not specifical-ly designed to treat landfill leachates”

Just what Alberta needs: more money

ALBERTA – Seventeen oil workers in the small town of Sedgewick, an hour southeast of Edmonton, have won the largest lottery jackpot in Canadian his-tory. The winning ticket, worth $54 294 712, will be split evenly between the winners who will each take home about $3.2 million. In the four days before the draw, Canadians spent an estimated $90 million on tickets for the 6/49 lottery. The chance of win-ning was about one in 14 million. The winning numbers, 05 11 20 30 37 43, left many ticket holders disappoint-ed—the Lost mystery digits were left in the hat.

When in Rome, do as PETA would do

ROME – City councillors in Italy’s capital recently approved legislation to protect those who cannot protect themselves: dogs, cats, and goldfish. Effective immediately, Romans are required to walk their dogs daily; the fine for neglecting to do so is about $700. Rejecting their fashionista past, it is now also illegal to cut dogs’ tails for visual appeal and declaw cats. And, after consulting animal activists and fish experts, the use of round fish-bowls has been banned because they cause fish to go blind. Maybe next

month, Rome will introduce legisla-tion requiring gardeners to sing their flowers to sleep at night.

She’s on a bus to heaven

DETROIT – Rosa Parks, whose actions jumpstarted the Civil Rights move-ment in the southern United States, has died. In 1955, black Americans were required to stand at the back of the bus in Montgomery, Alabama. One day, however, Parks refused to give up her bus seat to a white man and was consequently arrested. The then little-known Martin Luther King, Jr. subse-quently organized protests and a 381-day boycott of the Montgomery tran-sit system. Since 1955, Parks has been celebrated as a true American hero, receiving the highest American civil-ian honour, the Congressional Gold Medal, as well as the Presidential Medal of Freedom. She died in her home of natural causes at the age of 92.

Oil-for-food = money-for-Saddam

UNITED NATIONS – A new report commissioned by the UN has deliv-ered more damning evidence on the corruption of their oil-for-food pro-gram, which was launched in the 1990s after Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait. The program was intended

to allow Iraq to sell theor oil, despite UN-imposed sanctions, and use the money for humanitarian causes. The latest report, however, reveals that the contracts between the Iraqi govern-ment and oil purchasers saw money go to the Iraqi government instead of humanitarian aid. Investigators have discovered that over 2 200 firms were involved, and that a total of $1.8 bil-lion in kickbacks was paid illegally to Hussein’s government. The report comes as critics continue to ques-tion the bureaucracy of the UN and its credibility as an international gov-erning body.

CIA detainees MIA

EUROPE – Human Rights Watch, the Red Cross, and the Council of Europe have accused the CIA of detaining suspects in the “War on Terror” in secret jails in Eastern Europe. Flight logs and testimonies indicate that the CIA has transported some of its most important al-Qaida suspects from Afghanistan to Poland and Romania, among others. Both countries deny the allegations; US officials have refused to comment. These Eastern European countries may have chosen to violate European Union human rights prin-ciples in order to maintain their close ties with the US. The Red Cross has access to prisoners at Guantanamo Bay and is particularly concerned that

you may be still in the running.DJing takes a great deal of musi-cal knowledge and originali-ty. For instance, you may dream of DJing Euro beats to screaming crowds in Ibiza, Spain, but if the only two dance art-ists you know are DJ Sammy and Jennifer Lopez, you’re not going to wow any club own-ers. DJs are the owners of vast record collections that include everything in their own genres and tons of samples from other genres. Even popular artists who use DJs know that originality is key. Take for exam-ple Jay–Z. He hasn’t produced a new album in two years, but he is continually gaining popularity because he allows other artists, mostly DJs, to rethink his songs (many of which are already samples of other songs). Underground DJ Dangermouse mashed Jay–Z’s Black album with the Beatles’ White Album, and the resulting Grey Album took off in the clubs. Earlier this year, he rose up in the charts again when he released a mash–up with Linkin Park. Through the work of creative DJs and exposure to other types of music, Jay–Z became even more popular than he already was. It isn’t that hard. Here is what I want you to do. Grab your local arts and entertainment magazine and pick out five bands or artists that you have never seen before. Then find a way to listen to their music, whether it is seeing them live, downloading some songs—legally of course—or picking up a CD. Keep an open mind, and picture how you could spin these songs for a crowd ready to dance. Once you find something you like, explore it. And definitely don’t be afraid to pick up that random record you’ve never heard of before. The more diverse and original your musical taste gets, the better you’re going to be. You might even make Ace of Base cool again. Knowing what music you like is eventually going to help you when it comes to getting gigs. Would you rather have a frontal lobotomy than ever have to lis-ten to jungle music? Then you know that you should steer clear of DJing the rave scene. Go to the venues that appeal to you and listen to what the DJs are

playing. Get a sense for where you’d like to play. Although it is good to be versatile, you should enjoy what you are playing while DJing.

Gearing Up

You’ve started assembling that fantastic record collection. You know where you want to spin. Now’s the time to make your major investment: the DJ equipment. Be prepared to part with some money because all the equipment together could cost you upwards of $1000. It all depends on whether you want the high-est quality gear to begin with, or if you’re willing to start sec-

ondhand and work your way up. When my friend decided to start DJing he got all of his equipment off Ebay and man-

aged to save a lot of money. As well, if you have a group of friends that are interested in DJing you could all pitch in and share it while you are just starting up. A basic DJ kit includes turntables, a mixer, an ampli-fier, speakers, and a pair of headphones. Buying all of these can be an overwhelming experience, since there are

so many different brands available on the market. So when you do get around to buying your equipment, try to set a

limit on how much you want to spend and go from there. Also, do your research beforehand. One should definitely be

prepared to face a barrage of questions from demanding sales-people asking if you prefer direct or belt drives, if

you need a cross fader, and whether you’d like to try a CD deck.

The turntable—a glorified record player—is to a DJ what marble is to Michelangelo. You’re going to need two because DJs play two records simultaneously. It is important that you buy turntables with

t’s Saturday night. You’re at the club and the dance floor’s crowded. You glance across the room and can just make out a dark figure elevated above the dancing throngs. The DJ, mysterious and superior, scratches and mixes the pulsing beat of music in the room…badly.

“I could do better,” you think with a sneer. Really, how hard could this DJing business be? Anyone can work a CD play-er and pick up a few albums from the appropriate genre at HMV. But to those in the know, DJing is much more complicated than throwing on some tracks. It takes musical knowledge and skill, technical know–how, lots of time and money, and—lets face it—a flair for knowing what the next musical trend will be. After all, how many DJs pack clubs with their mad polka mixing skills? I first recognized the investment required when a friend of mine decided that he wanted to try DJing for himself. My amazement at the vast array of electronic equipment in his house provoked a series of enthusiastic explana-tions. My response was, of course, “huh?” I was even more confused when I found out that he had paid over $1000 for his equipment and was still nowhere near ready to DJ professionally. He still needed to build his music library and improve his technique. This DJ thing was beginning to sound like an over-whelming pursuit. The path to becoming a professional DJ is not as well publicized as the roads to other kinds of musical success. Movies and television make it seem like all you have to do is get some friends together, scrounge up some instruments, and practice your butts off. Before long, you’ll have some gigs and eventual-ly, if you are really lucky, hordes of screaming fans. In contrast, DJs (to me, at least) always seemed shrouded in mystery behind their booths. It turns out that becoming a good DJ is much like becoming a good rocker or rapper. Greatness in all these pursuits requires the same effort and provides similar perks—even groupies. But starting off can be daunting, especially if you have little knowledge of the music scene or are worried about investing all of your beer money. So for those of you who dream of mixing tracks in the club or of scratching for rappers, this is the step–by–step DJing guide to set you on your path.

But isn’t Ace of Base really hot right now?

No they’re not. And unless you plan on DJing Nineties Night in a scuzzy downtown bar, you might want to reconsider the whole DJing thing. But if you think that you could remix Ace of Base so that it was now overlapped by Kanye West’s latest single and would sound better than Beethoven’s Fifth, then

Play that Funky Music Incite Learns to DJ With Haley Watson

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vari–speed pitch control, because they allow you to control the speed at which the records are played. You’re also going to have to decide on direct drive or belt drive turntables. Drives refer to the motor that spins the decks; a direct drive motor is attached directly to the spindle in the middle of the deck and a belt drive motor is attached to a smaller spindle that moves the belt. When I asked my friend what he thought of belt drive turntables, he scoffed. Most DJs prefer the costlier direct drives since they do not lose tension over time and are easier to mix with. Your turntables will come with a needle and car-tridge, though you may wish to upgrade these later. A mixer lets DJs switch from one song to the next without a break in the beat by allowing you to manipulate what comes out of the speakers. Mixers range from basic models, which simply let you to switch from one song to anoth-er, to complex instruments that facilitate special mixing techniques. Be sure that your mixer includes, at the very least, these four functions: a minimum of two channels so that you can play with the volume on both of the turnta-bles, a cross fader so that you can switch between the two channels, an equal-izer with at least three levels—hi, mid, and low—that allow you to change the frequency, and a headphone cue which lets you listen to the record not being played out of the speakers. A basic mixer with these functions should cost between $150 and $200. Turntables and a mixer are of little use if you can’t hear the music you’re making, so you’ll need speakers and an amplifier. Your cheapest option is to plug the output line from your mixer into the CD port on your stereo. The sound will be of slightly lower quality, but is suitable for practicing in your room or for gigs at the local bingo hall. If you do get speakers, make sure they have an amplifier, since the signal coming out of the mixer is not strong enough to power the speakers and the headphones. In terms of headphones, those little ear buds you got with your iPod are not going to cut it. You need a pair of closed ear headphones that cover your entire ear and cancel out some of the ambient noise. New speakers and amplifiers are very expensive—usually starting at $400—so do look on Ebay and in second hand stores. You can pick up a pair of headphones for as little as $30 or as much as $200.

All right I’ve got my turntables and all the other gear. Now, what do I do with it?

It’s time for the fun to begin. Play your new records, experiment with your new gear, and see what happens. DJing takes a combination of musical and technical skill that will take you some time to master. Professional DJs effortlessly change from one song to the next. This is the art of mixing and one of the basic steps of becoming a good DJ. Learning to beat match—running two records at the same number of beats–per–minute—will allow you to switch smoothly from one song to another without losing the beat. Changing the beat between tunes is dangerous; it may confuse and anger the potentially inebriated audience. There are several ways to mix so you should experiment and find the one that seems best to you. Once you become comfortable with mixing you can try different effects

and combinations with the records. You may also want to try your hand at scratching. This technique lets you manipulate the record and add a personal spin to the words and beats. For example, some DJs will take a popular song and scratch in something unlikely, such as the theme to the Transformers car-toon. The simplest scratch is the baby scratch. All you do is quickly move the record back and forth on the turntable. Be sure to mark your record so that you know where you started the scratch. If you don’t, the track will come out sounding like off–tempo garble. Most DJs will put a sticker on their records and use it as a guide. There are many other scratches to learn, and the best way to do this is to get out there and watch some DJs in action. Monkey see, monkey do, and you might see something that you’d like to try. Also, some music shops, such as Dr. Disc in Hamilton, will be able to hook you up with lessons or how–to guides. If you have the cash and want to go somewhere prestigious, the Royal Conservatory of Music’s offers a “Scratch from Scratch: DJ Fundamentals” class. It runs each summer in downtown Toronto.

I’m sick of DJing all alone in my room. When do I get to play in real clubs?

Even once you’re ready to share your talents with the world there is a long road ahead of you. You need to be able to promote yourself and your amazing talents as a DJ. A good way to do this is to give mix tapes to promoters and club owners, which you can record at home using a stereo or a computer, if you have the right programs. The whole purpose of the tape is to wow whoev-er is listening to it, so start strong. Promoters get hundreds of these tapes and may not bother with the whole compilation if they aren’t instantly impressed. Make sure you put your name on your tape, as well as a track listing. The best way to get the experience you will need to play in big clubs is to offer your services to small bars or events. They may initially need you to fill in for one night, but it could lead to a permanent gig. If that doesn’t work, take matters into your own hands. Organize your own bar night—you can rent a venue—or throw a party and DJ it yourself. Make sure you invite some of the pros that you gave your tape to. Another option is to give your name to a DJ service which supplies DJs for school dances and weddings. This is def-initely not as glamorous as being in a club, but you will get some real world experience under your belt. Lastly, keep your ears open for word of DJ bat-tles. These battles are when DJs are pitted against each other and judged by the crowd. This can be a really good way to get exposure. DJing is much more than just putting a record on a turntable. It takes prac-tice, hard work, perseverance, and creativity. Is it worth the investment? If you are serious about getting into the music industry and love music, then abso-lutely. At very least the next time you’re at a bar and you overhear two people complaining about the DJ, you can say, “Hey, it’s a lot harder then it looks.” Happy spinning.

List of DJ resources on the Web

BBC Radio 1 How to DJ guide: http://bbc.co.uk/radio1/onemusic/djing/ A comprehensive guide to how to DJ, as well as interviews with top DJs in Britain

Recess: http://www.recess.co.uk A British DJ who started his own site. Amazing details on how to do everything from scratching to getting gigs

Dr. Disc: http://www.drdisc.com Hamilton store with a whole floor dedicated to DJing

Play de Record: http://www.playderecord.com Toronto store with equally good DJing equipment and massive record selection (K–OS’s “Heaven Only Knows” video was shot there)

The Royal Conservatory of Music: http://www.rcmusic.ca The school that offers “Scratch from Scratch”

incite 7

ITB 137 Behind a set of innocent-looking doors just inside the entrance of ITB stands a little known lecture hall. With a huge white wall for Pow-erPoint projections at the front that measures approximately one bajil-lion feet across, you’ll never suffer from eye strain during a lecture. Not only that, but registering in the level I stats course taught in this hall may actually be cheaper than seeing a movie at a Cineplex with simi-lar-sized screens. Pro: Tables at the back let you enjoy a snack from the near-by Tech-wave café during class with relative impunity. Con: The tiny blackboard on wheels at the front of the classroom is hilariously small compared to the projector wall, and someday, spurned by constant mockery, may angrily roll out into the crowd, taking down as many first years with it as possible.

Leg room: B Visibility: A Comfort: B- Environment: B+ Overall rating: B+Survival Tip: Bring popcorn.

ABB 102 Tucked away in a cozy corner of the Arthur “I was saying boo-urns” Bourns building is the place to be for first-year physics students—ABB 102. With its large projector screen, stadium seating, and ample floor space, you’ll never have a problem with visibility in this hall. Unfortu-nately the prof can easily see if you’re not paying attention, and that 10-kg weight suspended from the ceiling by bungee cord is there for a rea-son—just ask the dozens of dozing first years who’ve been rudely awak-ened by a keenly-executed professorial pendulum swing. Pro: Harsh lighting makes the lecturer seem more flawed and human. Con: Projector unit embedded in seating area may contain traces of peanuts or radioactive plutonium.

Leg room: B- Visibility: A+ Comfort: C Environment: BOverall rating: B-Survival Tip: Wear false glasses with novelty “open eyes” inserts.

CNH 104 There’s just something about this room that we really like—maybe it’s the comfy seats, or the ample leg room. Or it could be that the seats are positioned so you can sit almost anywhere and still see and hear the prof perfectly. Maybe it’s just the elevated stage and podium that give this room its oomph. One somewhat unfortunate aspect about CNH-104 is its mysterious anti-PowerPoint force field. While watching your prof fumble about desperately with broken machinery can be entertaining, the experience rather palls after the fifteenth or so technical disaster. More sustainable amusement can be gleaned from the room’s slightly inclined floor: every so often a frenzied note-taking student accidental-ly knocks over a pop bottle and is forced to endure painful minutes of giggling from the crowd as they listen to it slowly roll to the front. Pros: It’s really a pretty good lecture hall—comfy and visible. Cons: The climate control is iffy—it gets cold in here.

Leg room: A Visibility: A-Comfort: B+ Environment: B+Overall rating: A-Survival tip: Bring a jacket and don’t drop your pop.

TSH 120 You may be tempted to dismiss TSH-120 as a mere clone of CNH-104. But don’t let the initial similarities in architecture overshadow its unique charm; everyone knows how hard Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have had to fight for recognition of their separate identities. And the world is now richer for it. One particularly distinguishing feature of TSH-120 is its overly warm temperature. The womb-like ambiance challenges the alertness of even the most conscientious student; those with eight thir-ty classes in this building may be better off in bed. Additionally, it’s a bit bigger than CNH-104, and features a distinctive seating arrangement tailored to the socially unfit—the side aisles at the front have only one seat. Pros: A pair of doors concealed near the front give people in the first few rows a fighting chance in an emergency---although dashing out of them to escape a dull lecture might be a tad conspicuous. Cons: The lighting is dim and irritating, and there seems to be a mysterious greenish-yellow stain of unknown origin on the projection screen.

Leg room: A+ Visibility: A- Comfort: A- Environment: A-Overall rating: A-Survival tip: Sit near the front.

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BSB 147 This room has a long history, and probably brings back painful mem-ories to most science students. Many a scholar, one of our reviewers included, has made the fatal mistake of getting to class a bit later than normal, and has ended up trapped at the very back of this lecture hall. In fact, the back of the hall is kind of like the nosebleed section at a sta-dium – you still pay the ticket price, but the performers look like specks of dust and you can’t hear a thing over the screaming fans. The only dif-ference is that BSB-147 is lacking a Jumbotron and a 100,000-Watt sound system. And as any student unfortunate enough to get stuck here in the summer would know, the air conditioning is nonexistent. Pros: If you sit in the front, it’s actually not all that bad. Cons: The chairs are small and very uncomfortable. Trying to squeeze through a row to get to a seat can be awkward.

Leg room: D Visibility: CComfort: C Environment: DOverall rating: DSurvival tip: Get to class early.

MDCL 1305 This room is new, shiny, and oh-so-comfy. Best of all, it has wire-less, so for the more technologically-equipped amongst us, it’s perfect for checking e-mail or setting up a dinner date on your laptop, under the guise of being a hardworking student. Furthermore, the large side desks make playing tic-tac-toe or hangman with a friend a fun and easy alter-native to actually taking notes. Because this room is unsettlingly wide, traditional overheads have been replaced with dual projectors hooked up to a video camera. Pros: Primo leg room and wireless internet. Cons: The dual projectors make any overhead text blurry and diffi-cult to read. And this room is so wide it borders on scary.

Leg room: A+ Visibility: A- Comfort: A+ Environment: A+Overall rating: ASurvival tip: Don’t forget your laptop.

HH 109 Home to the department of Math and Stats, HH can bewilder the uninitiated. Don’t panic if you dash into what you think is your Intro-ductory Basketweaving course three minutes late and find a prof talk-ing about the topological properties of a tesseract: there are two iden-tical versions of this room stacked on top of each other. We spec-ulate that this arrangement may have a deeper mean-ing: one math-inclined reviewer exclaimed, “it’s like cosets…!” before being harshly quashed. The formidable layered blackboards and steep-ly slanted floors make for an intimidating educa-tion experience. Pro: Elegant leaded windows provide pleasant visual distraction, although, depending on the lecture, they may take on a disturbing resemblance to jail bars. Con: The brownish-pink chair cushions clash with my slide rule.

Leg room: B Visibility: A+Comfort: B+ Environment: AOverall rating: A-Survival tip: Body surfing not recommended—that incline is severe.

JHE 376 At first glance, it’s obvious that this lecture hall isn’t one of the more aesthetically pleasing spaces on campus. The centrepiece of this room is the chalkboard, cleverly rigged with a pulley system. Essentially, the two-layered board can be switched back and forth with a simple flick of the wrist. This ingenious feature enables the lecturer to bombard the poor students with an endless array of functions, derivatives, and for-mulae. There’s something admirably efficient about this design, and yet, at the same time, devilishly sadistic, much like everything that is to be found in the Engineering building. The room is no nonsense, with its clean-cut design and straightforward layout. Its most remarkable feature is the graffiti twenty feet up in between the layers of the chalkboard. Kudos to the athletically inclined graffiti artist who managed to pull this off. This hall, with its absolutely minimal legroom, utilitarian seating, and hotter-than-the-8th-circle-of-hell heating system, pays no lip service to comfort. It’s designed for one thing and one thing only: to make you suff…erm…learn. Pros: Excellent lighting and very good visibility from any part of the room. Cons: Be prepared for an awkwardly intimate moment when mak-ing a move for the centre seat.

Leg Room: D- Visibility: A Comfort: D Environment: DOverall: C-Survival Tip: Don’t sell your soul for bonus marks.

wo o’clock on Sunday morning usually marks the end of one week and the beginning of another. It’s a time for regaining your strength, dreaming of your

just–finished (or unstarted) 2500 word paper, or, more likely, recuperating from a late–weekend partying binge. In other words, it’s a time for sleep. But for two slightly neurotic Inciters, 2:00AM on Sunday marked the beginning of an adventure. After an hour of playing Super Smash Brothers (only to realize it was on demo mode), we set out. Leaving the eerily deserted halls of Woodstock, we began to wonder why we had volunteered for this late night escapade. Perhaps we needed some romance in our lives—a starlit bike ride through Westdale would surely do the trick. Or, maybe we were scared the world simply disappeared when we slept. Whatever the reason, we offered to wander the streets of King and Main in the time between late night and early morning. Worried about the risk of walking around Hamilton at this hour, we biked. Upon departure, the first thing that struck us were the empty streets. Changing traffic lights had no one to obey them, but were a colourful spectacle against their backdrop of unlit stores. At 2:09 we rode up to Anytime Convenience Store on King, and saw the cash-ier outside, chatting with a friend. Since we were his only customers, he gave us VIP treatment. As we neared the en-trance, he opened the door for us and ushered us in. He then proceeded to the counter to wait while we made our sugary selections. Recalling our summer camp days of meager sweet supplies and overgrown black flies, we bought a Mars bar, some licorice, and a fly swatter. As we proceeded to the cash, we noticed the exhaustion on our graveyard–shift friend’s face. His shirt was drooping off his shoulders and his hair was slightly disheveled—in other words, he looked like Cosmo Kramer. In conversation with him, we learned

that graveyard time is not free time. When people aren’t com-ing in to buy instant coffee, he dutifully restocks the shelves and takes inventory. On weekends, he told us that drunks often come in and cause a ruckus; we were afraid he’d recognize us from one of our other late night adventures. In spite of his best attempts, he admitted that it’s not always easy to keep on a smile. Having earned our empathy, we said a friendly farewell, and cycled on. Newton Street was deserted. Not a single house had its porch lights lit. Turning on to Main Street, there was no need to pay attention to traffic lights or stop signs, sidewalk or laneway; only the grinding of our bike gears and the lingering sound of dis-tant trucks broke the silence. At 2:36AM, we were about to enter Farah Convenience when we noticed something quite unusual for a shop of this kind: a doorbell. This completely altered our notion of the “convenience store”. After deciding that the purchase of a bong—various mod-els were displayed behind the counter, reasonably priced from $29.99–$34.99—would not please our editor, we nodded hello to the cashier. His name is Steve, an older gent with spectacles hang-ing mid–nose and the owner of Farah Convenience. He keeps his store open throughout the night to bring in some extra cash. We found out that he enjoys reading when nobody is in the store, although his favorite part of the job is meeting and talking to uni-versity students. Somebody who classifies meeting university stu-dents as the height of his night? We made a point to return. Our mission would have been incomplete without our next destination. This place braves the night with neon defiance and laughs in the face of those who claim that the deep–fryer needs its rest. We cycled onwards to Burger King. The tired face of an undoubtedly overworked employee greeted us from behind the cash. We did not conduct an interview at this stop, but did replenish our young bodies with a large order of fries. They definitely hit the spot: they were freshly made and not just lukewarm relics from the day. Observing our surround-ings, we realized that the restaurant was actually rather busy. Two

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guys asked us if we knew of a club that was still open. Another pair was devouring burgers; this would not be our only encounter with them that night. The fact that there were other late–night-ers was comforting, but also caused us to wonder why any sane individual would frequent Burger King at this hour. Patriotism influenced our next stop: Tim Hortons. A con-certo of semi–warm coffee being sipped, cell phones ringing, and students frantically flipping pages greeted us when we entered the shop; our watches read 3:15 AM. As we approached the coun-ter, we were shocked by the short selection displayed on empty shelves which, during the day, were filled with a scrumptious spread of freshly baked goodness. Attempting to accept that our carbohydrate cravings would remain unfulfilled, we settled for a beverage and chatted up the lone cashier. For Steph, the graveyard shift was where it was at. In her mid–50s, she enjoyed the solitude of the late nights and early morn-ings. She said she didn’t miss sharing the counter with incompe-tent co–workers, but certainly interacted with more than her fair share of interesting clientele. She was like that road weary charac-ter in Billy Joel’s “Piano Man”, divulging her on–the–job tales to us, the bartenders. Just the other night she had caught a young lady in the men’s bathroom—with three gentlemen. As if this wasn’t enough excitement for a Saturday, she had later caught two girls attempting to steal the bathroom stall doors. She remembered say-ing to them, “you can use them, but you can’t take them.” We waved goodbye and left, imagining a world of peeing in public. The streets were still relatively empty; morning was ap-proaching, but hadn’t yet arrived. While the National Post and the Star still had Sunday’s newspaper displayed, giving us hope for an extension of the weekend, the Sun and the Spectator had already replenished their boxes, confirming our worst fear—it was Monday. We made our final stop at the Esso on Main at 3:32. We would have also wandered to the “24hour” McDonald’s window if they had been able to find someone to work the graveyard shift.

Sadly for us, their search was unsuccessful and the sign lean-ing against the register read “CLOSED”. When we approached the Esso cashier, he was initially reluctant to engage in small talk with us, but as we were leav-ing, he approached us. Perhaps he realized how lonely he was going to be for the next three hours as he chatted up a storm. The better pay persuaded him to work the graveyard shift, but it comes at the cost of being alone. Naïvely, we thought this meant he had time to himself to read, watch TV, and munch on snacks. We were wrong; when he is not with customers, he must do other odd jobs around the store. He even has to pay for any food he takes! He reassured us that the nights are not always dull. Drunks are notorious for frequenting convenience stores, and being so close to campus, he is well–acquainted with them. He usually finds plastered university students entertaining, ex-cept when fights break out and he has to intervene. This job was a pit stop on his path to full time employment. Prior to working at Esso, he owned a used electronics business on the Mountain but it had encountered financial troubles so he had closed shop. Upon departure, we bumped into the two chaps from Burger King and exchanged recognitions; the population of a city shrinks at night, ‘til all of a sudden you’re in a small town and everyone you meet is an acquaintance. During the day, people quickly fade into obscurity—even if you see them again, you may not notice. But, with few people out in the early morning, you form an instant bond with everyone you meet. We felt like part of an exclusive club of misfits, rebels, and stoners. We unlocked our bikes and, somewhat sadly, headed back towards campus. At four in the morning we said our adieus at the doorstep of Woodstock Hall, then hit our respec-tive pillows, revelling in our experiences beyond the midnight hour.

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bracing Imm

igrantsoyd Kibaara seems to know everyone. Walking with him from our meeting spot in the lobby of Hamilton Central Public Library to the seating

area on the second floor, I feel like I am walking with a movie star. It makes sense in a city with as many immi-grants as Hamilton that a prominent employee of Set-tlement and Integration Services Organization (SISO) should be well known, but Loyd’s popularity goes be-yond mere recognition. From the librarians at the front desk to the high school boys playing computer games, everyone stops what they’re doing to update Loyd on their projects, ask about upcoming events, and recipro-cate the warm greeting and smile Loyd has ready for them all. A month ago, Loyd dropped by the library to check on the ESL Homework Club. The volunteers had been warned that it might take a few weeks to attract stu-dents and were sitting, pupil–less and resigned, when he arrived. Within ten minutes Loyd had rounded up over a dozen high school kids hanging around Jack-son Square and brought them to the homework club. Between asking after their families—every member of which he seemed to know—and joking with everyone, Loyd succeeded in acquainting the shy kids with the bored volunteers and ultimately got the homework club running. Loyd has crafted this social network through his work with SISO, an organization devoted to assisting Hamilton’s immigrant community. They get the major-ity of their funding from the Ministry of Citizenship and Immigration Canada. SISO offers support to many of Hamilton’s immigrants—who make up 26.5 percent of the population and whose numbers are growing at 3500–4000 per year.

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Incite: What led you to work with immigrants in Hamilton?

Loyd: I was born in Kenya. I studied at the University of Nairobi, graduated with my Bachelor of Arts [in] 1990. Then I took a diploma in Family Counsel-ling, and for about thirteen years I was a family counsellor back in Kenya. I was a palliative care counsellor. I counselled families of people who had ter-minal illnesses, just to help them cope with the emptiness, with the death.

And after that I worked as a manager in an orphanage for three years. This orphanage was for kids displaced by internal strife. Most of the kids were from the Sudan, from the war torn areas of Southern Sudan and also some parts of Northern Kenya. Then I made the move and immigrated to Canada. Since I came to Canada it’s been four years. So I worked before with the street youth here in Hamilton with an organization called The Living Rock Minis-tries. And then I moved on to my current job. I like it and I think I’m going to keep doing it for a while.

Incite: What trends in immigration have you observed through your work with SISO?

Loyd: There are several categories of immigrants. This is probably where we should start. I’ll start with the people who choose to come to Canada, the people who choose to immigrate. They sit down, they make arrangements, they weigh the pros and cons, and they want to come here and make a better life. Those are the ones we call the independent immigrants. These people face some certain qualifi-cation criteria. There’s a point system, whereby the government looks at their skill level, their educational back-ground, their economic background. These are basically professionals who are well-trained, middle class in their country. The [immigrants] usually come from all over the world; there is no particular trend for these ones. People think Canada is a great coun-try and in Canada they can live their dream.

The other category is government–sponsored refugees. These are people who are displaced by wars and strife and natural catastrophes in their country—it’s unsafe for them to be there. So what usu-ally the [Canadian] government does—and I’m not speaking for the government—is they have an agreement with the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees. They spon-sor a certain number of immigrants—people who are displaced who live in refugee camps. When they get here they are landed immigrants. We are currently receiving a lot of the government-sponsored refugees from countries such as Somalia and Liberia. We have refugees from Afghanistan; a couple of Iraqis are com-ing in. Some of them are highly trained too, but are not really here by choice.

Incite: When refugees arrive in Canada, what happens to them?

Loyd: What happens is, for those ones that are government-sponsored [ref-ugees], they come in and we have a kind of a reception house. Actually we are planning to have a reception house. But right now we are using a hotel as a service. So they stay in the hotel for ten days. Within those ten days they come through our Resettlement Assistance Program, they receive counselling, they receive informational sessions about settlement, about how to access serv-ices within the City. They fill out applications for government documents like OHIP cards, Social Insurance Numbers, Child Support, all that kind of stuff. Within the same program we have a housing counsellor. We look for housing for them.

When they are moving into their homes, we have some life skills trainers. You realize most of these people are not used to anything like a functional home, so they need to start learning basic things likes using the appliances in their house, turning off the stove, how to use the dryers, washers, and stuff like that. They need someone to hold their hands. So it’s basic life skills training.

Incite: And what sort of services do these immigrants need?

Loyd: Well, all of them need settlement services. When they come here, there’s a new country, a new way of life, new culture, new everything. They need people to show them around, to connect them with the services in the community.

Most of them have children who need to reconnect to the education system. They need the social connections also. And that’s where our organization

comes in.So basically when they need help they come to us and we con-

nect them with the services in the community. They need a friend and a mentor, professional mentors, and we find

volunteers in the community.

Incite: What sort of programs does SISO offer to help with settlement?

Loyd: We are sort of a one–stop shop for all settlement services. We have settle-ment counselling for families and indi-viduals. We assist refugee claimants and non–status people, we have a dedicated counselor who helps them out with the filling out of the forms and following up with stuff they need. We have set-tlement workers in the schools. They help newcomer families register and navigate the school system. Most of the parents want to get into the job market right away so that they can support their families. But they also want their kids to get an education, just like any other parent.

One program that I work for is the HIRST program. This is usually the one

that connects newcomers to the commu-nity. What we do at the HIRST program

is we recruit volunteers from the commu-nity who are matched with newcomer fam-

ilies and they become like their new friends. They do stuff together, like go out to librar-

ies and show them around, they exchange cul-tures, go out for meals, invite each other for din-

ner, and basically just connect with another fam-ily.

We also have a youth program; it is supposed to help youth establish social connections. You realize it is pretty difficult

for youth to function one–on–one; they more so want to belong in a group. So we try to help them connect to the community, get a social con-nection.

We also do some counselling on specific issues. We have employment serv-ices, we have job search workshops, we have job development programs. We also assist fully trained professionals to re–qualify in Canada and to get cer-tified and registered in their trades and professions. We also have language assessment—the LINK program. The newcomers are assessed so that adults can be placed in the relevant public ESL programs. We also have the Reset-tlement Assistance Program.

Recently we started a community health program. It’s partnered with the pub-lic health department who sends a bus down to SISO once a week, and we have a resident health counsellor who is a registered nurse. When newcomers come to this country they need to find a family doctor. They need to be assessed

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as men. We have seen some response with public swimming pools that have given some time for women’s swim time; especially for the new Muslim immi-grant women who would want to participate in the sport but will not partici-pate in the presence of men. I will give this as a basic example; it is not some-thing that ministry services providers understand. They have the sport there but cannot attract the newcomer because they do not feel comfortable there.Incite: Do most of the immigrants you work with move on from Ham-ilton?

Loyd: I don’t know about many cases, where people have left Canada after arriving here to go to a second country as a second immigrant. There are a few cases of secondary migration—people land in one place and then move on—but the numbers are pretty low. It is mainly job driven. Some people have moved on to the west, especially middle–aged males that come to this com-munity and are looking for jobs but cannot find gainful employment. A cou-ple of them move on, but most families stay. I think it is a great community for the kids.

Incite: What do you think about Canada’s current immigration policy?

Loyd: A lot has to be done in the immigra-tion sector. With the aging work force and the declining birth rates, it’s a reality that we need immigrants. It’s a reality that we need skilled immigrants to come this community and to work. It’s a reality that we need to start recog-nizing foreign trained professionals. It’s a reali-ty that we are wasting a lot of well trained high-ly experienced professionals in the delivering of pizzas and newspapers and doing funny jobs.

We should as a community, as Canada, smart-en up and take advantage of these people who are work–ready and utilize them. Canada has to change. Canada has to recognize what immi-grants bring in. The benefits of immigration are lost on most Canadians. Immigrants offer skilled labour, people who are ready to work, ready to produce wealth.

There is a misplaced notion that immigrants are here to get the social welfare support. I’ll tell you frankly; in most cultures it is shameful for them to receive welfare. It’s demeaning for them if they have to get support to live. It’s not a culturally acceptable thing to rely on welfare, so most of them resort to this because of a lack of gainful employment. It feels bad when a man of the house, someone who has been head of a family wher-ever they came from, he was providing for his family and then they come here and cannot provide for them. He doesn’t feel like going back home, he feels worthless. He doesn’t want to lie around the house all day and rely on the mea-gre cheques from welfare.

If all the doors were open for employment you would not see any of these peo-ple on the social assistance programs anymore. They want to work. They want a chance. That’s all they want.

Incite: In closing, what would you say are the worst and best parts of your job?

Loyd: The hardest part of my job is when I have to deal with issues that are culturally sensitive issues. That you probably find a youth that is from a dif-ferent social background, and they come here and they get into a depressed mode, because they find the society is very different than what they expected. Their expectations are high, the reality hits, and they get into a kind of depres-sion and can’t function well in the school system and start getting into trouble. That is really depressing, but we always try to work with these problems.

My favourite part of my job? Oh my god, I have a lot of favourite parts. Since I work with youth, youth are usually dynamic, youth are very adaptable, very curious, they motivate me. I see them come in and they are naïve, and they are asking a lot of questions. Just watching them grow and integrate and in a short period of time they are fully integrated, that makes me feel nice.

about their health status, reassessed again to see what they need. This health counselor connects them with the doctors, with the hospitals, with the health service program so that they can get the assistance that they need.

Incite: What role do volunteers play in SISO?

Loyd: I’d like to make an outreach request. We are still looking, we are con-stantly looking, for host volunteers to be friends to these new immigrants who need support. We need professionals who can mentor some of these new immi-grants that need someone to show them the tricks of the trade, how to get a job. Some of them just want to learn the Canadian business language. Some of the students, especially the ones that are in the lower grades, need people to look up to. So from within the university student community we would really appreciate if some of the people would come out and be mentors to these new kids that come in.

Incite: You also run some homework clubs?

Loyd: Yeah. Our relation with the homework club is one piece of the youth program that we do. We support literacy. We are not qualified to do lit-eracy work; we are not certified. But we try to sup-port the newcomer youth when they land in this country. So as a support we have partnered with the public libraries. The Hamilton Public Library provides the space, Frontier College trains and pro-vides the tutors, and we provide the community support. We have done very successful homework clubs after school in several locations. One of them is Central Library and we have another one at Red Hill and at Terryberry, for ESL.

Incite: What do you think are the greatest problems that immigrants face?

Loyd: Independent immigrants face a unique problem. When they come here, their internation-al accreditations, their education, their profession-al backgrounds—they’re not recognized. So they face barriers to employment and joining profes-sional bodies. They’ve got to do some examinations and even after they quali-fy and they are registered, it’s not obvious that they are getting the job. There’s another problem with the employers now, the employers need people with Canadian experience. [Independent immigrants] face a lot of barriers.

Landed immigrants [refugees] also have many barriers. They have problems with language, they have problems with education. Some of them are semi-illiterate or fully illiterate. So they need to retrain. Some of them are suffer-ing from trauma—wars and stuff. So it’s a whole big spectrum of problems they face—many, many barriers—as much as you can imagine.

Incite: How well is the city of Hamilton equipped to handle immi-grants?

Loyd: Well that is a loaded question. Basically because they are trying very hard, but there is still a lot of work to do. There is a lot of misunderstand-ing with the workers in the social services sector. They don’t understand the unique needs of the immigrants, but basically by and by we are seeing they are responding and they are sensitizing their staff about new immigrants and their unique needs. They are coming round, although there is a lot of room to learn and be able to respond fully to their unique barriers.

Incite: What are some examples of current problems facing immi-grants?

Loyd: Take an example in a mainstream recreational centre, a city centre, the YMCA, or a mainstream private club. When these people go in there, there are some issues—it is mostly cultural or religious. Say something like swimming; it is not usual in most cultures of the world for women to swim in the same pool

14 incite

“They want to work.

They want a chance.

That’s all they want.

”

t’s a normal, typical, boring day. You’re riding the bus or walking to campus. You take a look around, and notice lit-tle specks of white everywhere. These

specks lead to long white strands that loop around before disappearing into a hand,

pocket, or backpack. And if you can get close enough (without freaking someone out) you can probably hear the little pulses, dings, and whistles that make up that person’s morning playlist.

We are the new pod people.

I’m not here to advertise for any particular fruit–related company, or to say that we’re becom-ing zombies of any kind. It’s not the product I’m interested in so much as what we’re doing with it.

Everyone is listening to music. Every day, all day, every free and walking moment, there is music inside our heads. And when I pass peo-ple sashaying down the sidewalk to a beat I can’t hear, I wonder what they are listening to.

Because what you are listening to is important. Not for status, not because it makes you cool, but because what you listen to is a part of who you are. You know that whole “you are what you eat” thing? Well, since I haven’t noticed a whole lot of pizzas and rice cakes and (since it’s midterm time) massive cups of coffee walking around, I propose a change to the adage:

You are what you hear.

What you listen to is a reflection of your per-sonality—after all, most people don’t listen to music they hate. What you like, what you don’t, who you like, who you don’t—it’s not much of a stretch.

Many of our subcultures revolve around music: goth, emo, indie, punk, mod, and gangsta, to name just a few. People flock to music—it’s a social thing, a group thing, something meant to be enjoyed together. So we take what we listen to, and turn it into a community, a place to belong.That’s why the portable individual music player seems counterintuitive: it’s always solitary listen-ing. It wraps you up in your own personal musi-cal world. But maybe it’s the virtual community that really is more important—it brings us togeth-er, even when we seem to stand alone. You see someone else walking down the street, plugged in like you are, and you can tell from the way they look or dress or move that they are in your par-ticular club. So you give them that look and a nod that means “yeah, I’m listening too.”

I don’t do that very often, because my music isn’t many other people’s music. I’m actually a classical violinist.

You think we’d be easy to spot, right? Don’t classical musicians tend to congregate in small nerdy groups in corners of dusty music shops, discussing the Boston Orchestra’s recording of Mahler’s seventh symphony, scorning the rest of the world for wasting their time with all of this rock–and–roll business and scoffing: “it’s noise, not music!”?

Not so much.

It is true that classical music is sometimes

seen as outside of all other musical genres—either above or below, just off to the left or right, depend-ing on who you ask. You can listen to rock and punk, or ska and swing, and be totally fine—but classical and something else?

But for the majority of classical musicians, that’s not the way we live. Very few of us spend our time searching for that one Mahler record, and we certainly don’t scorn the rest of the musi-cal world for worshiping Paul McCartney. I’m sure some of you were thinking: “But I listen to ska and punk and pop and emo and everything else! I don’t just fit in one community!” Well, we don’t either. It’s just that the walls around classi-cal music are a little bit thicker.

Classical musicians are people too, after all. If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? And if you force us to listen to 16th century motets for hours on end, do we not become pointedly homicidal?

My favorite movie of the moment is Camer-on Crowe’s Almost Famous. At one point in the film, Russell from Stillwater is up on a roof dur-ing a party, and proclaims: “I dig MUSIC.”

Okay, so he goes on to say that he’s on drugs and then throws himself off the roof. Besides that, the sentiment rings true. My relationship with clasical music is not exclusive—I dig MUSIC, in all its wonderful and wild forms.

That isn’t to say that I like everything. In fact, I’ve never met anyone who can make that claim without also growing a nose of inestimable pro-portions. Nor do I argue that there aren’t divisions between kinds of music; there obviously are, or HMV would just be one big stack of CDs reaching from floor to ceiling. But in my world, there are no value judgements—classical music is no better than rock, indie is no better than pop. They are different, they are special—there really is some-thing for everyone.

So, why not classical music?

What I like is music. What I know is classicalmusic, and for all of its bad rap, I love it. I’ve been in love with it since I was a little thing squeaking away on my 1/32 size violin. It’s that knowledge and love that drives me to do what I do now: I am the Enemy—a music critic.

I write about music for a living (an academic living at the moment—a.k.a. free—but eventual-ly for real money, I hope), and it’s my job to put it into context, make it interesting, bring you what I think, and make the music come alive through print.

So, what I’ll be doing here is bringing you music. Yes, it will be classical music, because that’s what I do. But I don’t want to bring it to you as “capital C” Classical music, this huge and impenetrable and BORING thing that can fit into something called a canon (a word better reserved for weaponry, in my opinion). This wonderful, diverse, and interesting music, lumped together from several particular points in history, doesn’t have to be any of those things.

‘Cause it’s all music, after all. And I dig music.

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IPOD PEOPLE AND

MAHLER MAVENS

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DEB

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sustain our national economy; within only twenty years our current policies will manifest dire results. Statistics Canada has projected an increase in Canadian health care expenditure from 45 percent to 55 percent of the national budget alongside an emptying workforce. This problem is exacerbated by Canada’s declining birth rate, which now stands at just 1.5 children per woman—2.1 is the mini-mum replacement rate. Furthermore, economists are practically blue in the face from all the whistle-blowing they’ve been doing about Canada’s declin-ing productivity, which is defined as the amount of

ritics raced to point out the existing eco-nomic problems faced by the nation and accused Canada of failing to address its own shortcomings before opening the

immigration floodgates. They also suggest that Canada will prove incapable of establishing favour-able conditions with which to receive this influx of immigrants. I, however, applaud the new poli-cy as a stroke of genius by Canadian Immigration Services. Not only will this immigration increase protect Canada from impending economic woes, but the appropriate preparatory steps are already underway. Immigration will serve as our nation’s lifeboat in the immediate future. Like a baby discovering its toes for the first time, Canadian politicians have finally connected immi-gration to economic growth. Low birth rates in most Western nations will inevitably lead to an aging population, which will leave many first world coun-tries scrambling for workers in the coming decades. Canada is emerging unexpectedly at the forefront of this growing immigration market. It is Canada’s multicultural identity that will prove advantageous in attracting skilled immigrants to our country. Propelled by the new immigration policy, Canada is capitalizing on the enormous potential econom-ic benefits of our diversity. The time has come for Canada to play its cultural trump card and truly contend in this global competition for skilled immi-grants. Canada’s current immigration levels cannot

Open

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n making increased immigration their prima-ry strategy, the government is failing to address core issues relating to the labour force, language, education, and urban centers. Canada is not

ready for this dramatic increase in immigration. Critical reforms and the time to implement them are needed before we consider boosting immigra-tion substantially, let alone by the additional 100 000 immigrants per year that the government is proposing. At first glance, radically increasing Canada’s immigrant population may seem reasonable. Increased immigration will propogate Canada’s val-ues of multiculturalism and equality, and our econ-omy, flush with new working–age Canadians will be better able to sustain our aging population. But before we rush to embrace this proposal, we must ask whether the boldness of the new immigration policy is consistent with the reality of Canadian immigration. Limited employment opportunities, language barriers, poor housing, and some degree of outright discrimination are all facets of immigrant life in Canada. Liberal politicians have been planning to increase immigration for over a decade. Although the Department of Citizenship and Immigration Canada has consistently met its goals for immi-gration, it has not yet increased its targets. This imcosistancy may in part be due to the tendency of the Liberal government to enthusiastically discuss an issue for months and then do nothing about it. Their rosy view of policy announcements as action

extends to immigration, which they see as a pana-cea for all our employment ills. What they fail to realize is that these ideals cannot be fulfilled with our current policies and infrastructure. New immi-grants need substantial government support, which the government has shown no indication that it is ready to provide. One of the most significant issues facing any immigration policy is how to integrate immigrants into society and the workforce. The objective may be to attract the “best and brightest” newcomers to Canada, but how can we ensure that these skilled, well-educated immigrants will be linked to the right employers? An impressive 90 percent of Economic Class immigrants—skilled workers and investors—are employed during their first two years in Canada, but most are not obtaining employment that match-es their skill level. Only about 40 percent of these same immigrants have found work that is appropri-ate to their education and expirence. There’s good reason for the “doctor turned cab driver” cliché, but there are also skilled workers in information technology and business who cannot find employ-ment in their field. Currently, immigrants are not contributing to our society as well as they could because the only jobs available to them are inade-quate and do not reflect their valuable skills. When 100 000 additional immigrants enter this country every year, they too will be disappointed with their job situation and neither they nor the Canadian workforce will benefit. The federal government’s current polices and

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INTERROGATING IMMIGRATION

By Anna Strathy

By Je

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by

output produced by an average worker in one hour. Productivity growth in Canada is no longer slowing but has actually come to a screech-ing halt. The Performance and Potential report, put out annually by the Conference Board of Canada, ranks 24 of the rich-est countries on the basis of economy, i n n o v a t i o n , env i ronment, education, health and society. The 2005 report assigned Canada the twelfth place—down from sixth last year and fall-ing from an impressive third place in 2003. The fall has been attributed to lagging productivity and the improved performance of other countries. In short, the true effects of stagnating immigration are being felt now and will be felt more acutely in the near future. Now, project into the future but with increased immigration and a drastic policy facelift. The out-come is a productive and competitive Canada. Increasing immigration from approximately 230 000 each year to between 300 000 and 400 000 will allow immigrants to flesh out the work force,

offset skyrocketing health care costs, increase pro-ductivity, and improve the standard of living. A lost

opportunity in immigration now will set us back billions of dollars

in the future and threatens our precarious place

in the competitive global economy. The argument in favour of immi-gration is one of economic neces-

sity; new, innova-tive policies are in

the works to sort out the current kinks.

In the past, the federal government has been

criticized for favouring a top-down approach—where immigration targets are set cen-trally for the country—in immigration policy. This practice is changing; the federal government has stressed increased communication with cities and provinces to ensure the efficient allocation of fund-ing. Recently, eight provinces have signed immigra-tion deals with the federal government—the glaring exceptions being Ontario and Quebec. The feder-al government is also supporting small, city-based organizations that have long worked with immi-grants. The connections to employers and afford-able housing that these smaller organizations can

offer will be instrumental in accommodating new-comers. The changes will create a smoother tran-sition from immigrant to established Canadian cit-izen. Canada cannot afford to continue contribut-ing to the “taxi driver with a PhD” phenomenon. Thus, the issue of recognizing foreign credentials has become important in the immigration debate and has been a key focus of recent policy reforms. A new emphasis on matching foreign education and work experience with their Canadian equiv-alents will reduce missed economic opportunities for Canada and its immigrants. In the past, many underemployed Canadian immigrants have dispro-portionately depended on social programs and wel-fare. By ensuring that immigrants are connected with appropriate employment, Canada can create a successful and self-sustaining immigrant workforce that is not dependent on government support. In addition to highly skilled workers, Canada’s new immigration policy also emphasizes tradespeo-ple. The number of Canada’s skilled tradespersons, such as electricians, plumbers, or carpenters, has been steadily diminishing. The new criteria in the immigration point system will look favourably upon people qualified in these areas as Canada strives to fill this niche. Without sacrificing immigration standards, the revised point system will increase the number of qualified immigrants to our country. In the seduction of the “best and the bright-est” minds, Canada will

“Like a baby discov-ering its toes for the first

time, Canadian politicians have finally connected immigration

with economic growth”

programs to help immigrants find employment are abysmal, and do not seem to be improving. The gov-ernment currently employs a “top–down” approach wherein settlement services are dictated from on high rather than by the agencies who are closest to the immigrants. Programs delivered in this way are notoriously inefficient, as well as impersonal; they do not interact with the immigrants as individuals who all have different, valuable skills. Government proclamations of change to the system have so far produced nothing, giving us no reason to take the government more seriously this time around. Paul Martin, in his October 5th throne speech, noted

that the government’s efforts to improve recogni-tion of immigrants’ foreign credentials have borne little fruit—another example of a key concern that has not been resolved despite years of complaints. Language is another important barrier to integrating immigrants into society and ensuring that they are adequately employed. Canada is undoubted-ly diverse and racial discrimina-tion is much less pronounced than in the past, but lan-guage differences still iso-late immigrants, and make it more difficult for them to find employment. A 2004 Statistics Canada report found that just under one third of new immigrants had taken at least one course in English or French within six months of coming to Canada. Given that the vast majority of new immigrants do not speak either official language fluently this broad lack of language training poses a significant and growing barrier to immigrant education and employment. Accepting more immigrants into the country also risks segregation and ghettoization. It is under-standably difficult for English–speaking citizens to connect with new immigrants who speak languag-es that are foreign to most of us. The government

of Ontario is definitely aware of the language bar-rier; in his throne speech on October 12th, Dalton McGuinty promised that English–as–a–second-language (ESL) education will be the main focus

of the Ministry of Citizenship and Immigration, and that increased

funding will provide language training for 30 000 more

newcomers to Ontario. These idealistic state-ments must be balanced by the knowledge that of the 100 000 addi-tional immigrants nationally, rough-ly 60 000 will come to Ontario, which is still double the num-

ber of new spots for language training. It

would be ideal if new immigrants could come

into Canada with the con-fidence that they will not feel

separated from their Canadian–born neighbours and they will be able

to find a decent job, but with current government policies this hope is little more then a pipe dream. The educational challenges of increased immi-gration are also obvious to even the most casual observer. ESL classes in elementary and second-ary schools are chronically

“It is understandably

difficult for English –speaking citizens to c o n n e c t w i t h n e w immigrants who speak languages that are

foreign to most of us”

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(continued on pg 18)

(continued on pg 18)

ecently, the federal government has announced its intention to dramatically overhaul Canada’s immigration system, with the goal of raising yearly immigration to one percent of the population—roughly 320 000 people.

In 2003, the last year for which statistics are available, 221 000 people immigrated to Canada. Critics of this overhaul point to the recent riots in the Paris suburbs, which have a heavy concentration of impoverished North African immigrants, as illustrative of the dangers of segregated and disenfranchised immigrant groups. Support-ers, on the other hand, laud the government’s policy, arguing that Canada must either grow or fall behind.

R

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be competing with countries such as the United States and Australia. In this case, our country’s diversity will play to our advantage. Canada has defined its national character as a celebration of all cultures and is thus a desirable immigrant destina-tion. However, our multiculturalism must be com-plimented with an efficient immigration process and economic incentives in order to attract those who will fulfill the labour market needs. Immigration demographics have consistently shown that most immigrants choose large urban cen-tres. These patterns often stir anxieties about over-crowding and ghettoization in our major Canadian cities and introduce fears of increased competi-tion and decreased opportunities in the job mar-ket. Toronto, Vancouver, Hamilton, and Montreal will feel the weight of the new policy more than anywhere else in the country. The federal govern-ment is preparing resources and adequate funding

to support these and other cities, with an emphasis on rent controls and the expansion of public trans-portation. Recently, the federal government agreed to transfer a portion of the tax on gasoline to cities to be used for the expansion of public transit. This is the first time cities have had access to a signifi-cant and growing source of money outside of prop-erty taxes. With such a massive new wave of immigrants comes the looming threat of cultural segregation. Small, monocultural communities can establish themselves in Canada and exist in isolation with limited participation in broader society. While the revised immigration policy allots part of the bud-get to language and integration, no policy can elim-inate the tumultuous experience of uprooting and resettling in an unfamiliar country. The creation of communities to preserve the culture, language, and traditions of different heritages is important and the government should encourage it to some degree. The 2003 Ethnic Diversity Survey con-ducted by Statistics Canada reports that the longer immigrants are in Canada, the greater is their par-ticipation in Canadian society and the more like-ly they are to identify themselves as “Canadian”. These trends are also generational. First gener-ation Canadians will integrate even further than their parents into Canadian society, although their community may still provide the backbone of their upbringing. Furthermore, culturally unique settle-

ments often develop into niches that promote diver-sity and can be enjoyed by all Canadians. Examples of these cultural enclaves are Toronto’s Little Italy and Chinatown. Originally established by a first wave of immigrants, these areas have become land-marks that promote cultural solidarity while cele-brating multiculturalism. The new immigration policy raises important questions. An increased number of immigrants could not be sustained in Canada’s existing econo-my and thus we must take a critical look at the plans and funding that accompany our new welcome mat. We will need to guide highly skilled workers with a supportive and smooth period of integration into well-prepared urban areas. Governments must ensure that municipalities have adequate resourc-es to support the settlement of immigrants. There are valid concerns that the government will not do enough. Canada has taken a step in the right direction. Instead of sitting idle as demographic trends bowl us over, our country has chosen to contend. With the introduction of the renewed immigration policy we have given ourselves a deadline. We are prepar-ing to welcome more new workers to an economi-cally viable and richly multicultural Canada. With these new policies in place, Canada’s relationship with its immigrants will be one of interdependence and will enable a mutually beneficial economic and cultural renaissance.

understaffed, and many non-urban schools do not even have trained ESL teachers. Some immigrant groups also show dramatically lower attendence rates at post-secondary institutions in comparison to national norms. While post–secondary atten-dence is not the only indicator of future economic success, it is certainly an important one. Education is one of the most widespread and comprehensive ways in which immigrants integrate into Canadian society—barriers to education are barriers to inte-gration. Canada is competing with other developed nations for immigrants, and in order to attract a greater volume of immigrants to our country, immi-gration standards will have to go down, following the basic laws of supply and demand. Although Canada has some advantages in the competition for immigrants—such as great diversity—the only way to dramatically increase immigration is to reduce our standards somewhat. This lowering of immi-gration standards risks creating a poorly paid immi-

grant underclass. These concerns are particularly relevant given our defective immigration system. Currently there is a backlog of over 700 000 poten-tial immigrants who are waiting to be processed. It is hard to belive that a system this dysfunctional could handle the type of dramatic growth that the government is proposing. Almost all immigrants who come to Canada are attracted to urban areas because of the availabili-ty of jobs, language training, and the existence of ethnic communities. As of 2001, 94 percent of immigrants go to live in urban areas, and 73 per-cent of immigrants go to the three biggest cities: Toronto, Vancouver, and Montreal. Therefore, if this new immigration policy is implemented and there are 100 000 more immigrants coming into Canada each year, the big cities will be dispropor-tionately affected. Canadian cities will bear most of the social changes and challenges of immigra-tion, and, like the federal government, they are not ready. Sustainable metropolises are vital to success-ful immigration in Canada, but there are other criti-cal issues that our big cities need to deal with before a larger wave of immigrants appears. Schools will have to respond to a greater ethnic population—who will need additional language education—and cities will need to be able to house these immi-grants. Additionally, immigrants in cities typical-ly form tight communities with those of similar ori-gin, and may not feel connected to Canadian-born citizens. In Toronto, for example, there are neigh-

bourhoods where you do not need to speak English to get a job. This undermines the greatest aid to learning English—existing in an environment satu-rated by English. This is counter-productive to the government’s goal of helping all immigrants learn to speak Canada’s official languages and connect-ing them with Canadian–born citizens. The federal government’s focus on immigra-tion to solve Canada’s current and future popula-tion issues is based on some reasonable premises, but what it lacks is a sense of reality. Our immi-gration system is not sufficient to meet the needs of immigrants who are here right now, and before we allow for rapid increase in our immigrant pop-ulation the current system must be evaluated and improvements made. Immigration is neither the only nor the best solution to the problem of Canada’s demographic shift; perhaps the federal government must expand their horizons. Immigrants certain-ly contribute to our country both economically and socially, but integrating newcomers is much more complex than simply finding them jobs and leaving them to their own devices. Connecting immigrants to their desired profession, removing language bar-riers, and smoothing the immigration process are all issues that must be addressed before rushing into any sort of sweeping policy change. But if the Liberal government maintains its customary inac-tivity—or falls before it can implement any chang-es—this whole uproar over immigration may well be unnecessary.

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POPWITH ROB LEDERER

have a confession to make: I’ve listened to “Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson 102 times. Actually, I’ve probably rocked out to

it (yes, you can rock out to Kelly Clarkson) more times than that—102 is simply the shameful fig-ure that sits below “Play Count” and next to “Since U Been Gone” on my iTunes display screen. The iTunes “Play Count” feature is the most magical development in my life since the day I discovered that Tuxedo Mask was in fact super-hunk Darien in disguise. Its job is simple: to keep track of the number of times any song is played from start to finish. Its effect on my life is less simple: “Play Count”, coupled with the “Top 25 Most Played List”, a cat-alogue of the songs with the highest play counts, has caused me more anxiety attacks than every Wes Craven movie combined. I first encountered these two features when I unwrapped Reggie, my now defunct iPod, on Christmas morning last year, and loaded iTunes onto my Toshiba. I immediately fantasized about tracing my listening habits and finally being able to accurately answer the age old question, “So, what kind of music do you listen to?” At that moment I vowed to keep my play counts as exact as possible by including tracks I listened to on the radio, online, and on MuchMu-sic. It reached the point that, on a week-long trip to Florida without Reggie, I began noting every song that I heard so I could make the appropri-ate iTunes updates upon my return (in addition to daydreaming a slow-mo Reggie and Rob reunion montage more romantic than Nick and Sharon’s Y&R nuptials). Despite what initially seemed an amazing opportunity, my conviction to precisely preserve the playlist of my life began to falter. It was a typical Weight Watchers story. Things started out incredibly well; I painstakingly recorded all of the music that I consumed for the first two weeks.

Then something happened—sweets start-ed sneaking into my diet. Britney, S Club, and The Spice Girls began to dominate my Top 25 List. “Goodbye”, the underappreciated Spice Girls number from their short-lived quartet days, shot up the chart. I was truly shocked. It wasn’t that I didn’t rec-ognize, or didn’t want to recognize, my love of Gerry and the gang. I’d just never classify myself as a true fan. I prefer to think that my taste in music has matured beyond grade four schoolyard jams. They say that desperate times call for desper-ate measures, and when the musical collection that defines your life—your Top 25 Most Played list—almost exclusively features pop princesses, it’s certainly desperate times. So I started cheating. But it’s not like I pulled a Perfect Score ploy, cunningly scamming my way to the top at the expense of others. My crime was self-inflicted. There I was, tinkering nightly with play counts. I was stopping songs three seconds before the last chord—iTunes only counts songs that are played to completion—or just plain “for-getting” to add to a certain British girl group’s playcount. What else could I do? If a friend perused my iTunes playlists (which happens more than you’d think) I would be beyond humiliated. I could not consciously allow anyone to believe that I am a die-hard member of the Britney fan club. I realize that I must sound insane. I’m not; sev-eral excellent medical professionals have verified my mental health. It’s simply that musical taste is a private matter. When asked who my favourite artists are, I will not mention the Spice Girls.Nonetheless, as much as it pains me to admit it, they seem to be a group with major staying power in my life. Everyone, including me, judges others based on their music preferences. I am allowed to like the Spice Girls—that’s cute. But being a capital

“F” Fan—that’s completely out of the question. Last year, when I lived in residence, those of us in a three room radius would pick up each other’s iTunes through a shared network. There were the hip-hop girls (you could always hear beats blasting from their room), me, and a friend whose identity I do not feel comfortable divulg-ing. That’s because one day, while scanning through his music, I noticed something unset-tling—something by the name of “On My Way Down” by Ryan Cabrera. I was clearly in no place to judge, but like a good Janice Dickinson disciple, I did. It was sim-ilar to the episode of Friends when Chandler dis-covered Monica’s messy closet: in his eyes, her perfect cleanliness was soiled. But where Moni-ca’s downfall was endearing, my friend’s plunge into musical debauchery stained him more than port slopped on a bridal gown. To be entirely hon-est, it took weeks for him to regain some of the respect lost thanks to Ryan Cabrera. Music is a touchy subject. There are certain groups that we are supposed to like, others that we are allowed to like, and many that we cannot possibly take seriously. My last year with iTunes has made me acutely aware and critical of what I listen to. Is it okay to listen to the Spice Girls more than to a credible artist? Does a fondness for Kelly Clarkson make me a bad person? I don’t think so, yet I still judge others who look up to the likes of Shakira. If I willingly admit that S Club are talentless wannabes, does it become acceptable for me to listen to their music? I think that, when push comes to shove, truly loving LFO is never socially acceptable behav-iour, unless you are an 8–year–old girl in pigtails. That’s why next time someone asks me to name my favourite new song, “Since U Been Gone” will not be on the tip of my tongue, but it will certain-ly be in the back of my mind.

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Twenty-five Things I Hate About Me

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What If...

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