improve your social skills - home - the matthew reardon
TRANSCRIPT
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Improve Your Social SkillsMatthew Reardon Autism Conference 2017
Daniel Wendler M.A, author of ImproveYourSocialSkills.com
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Get Ready
Things to do before we start:
1. Fill out the pre-workshop survey
2. Say hi to someone sitting next to you
3. Get excited!
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Improve Your Social SkillsMatthew Reardon Autism Conference 2017
Daniel Wendler M.A., author of ImproveYourSocialSkills.com
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Welcome To Version 2.0
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My Story
|2012: Launched ImproveYourSocialSkills.com
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My Story
|2012: Launched ImproveYourSocialSkills.com
|2013: TEDx Speaker “My Life With Asperger’s”
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My Story
|2012: Launched ImproveYourSocialSkills.com
|2013: TEDx Speaker “My Life With Asperger’s”
|2014: Began Doctoral Studies in Clinical Psychology at George Fox University
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Part 1: Growth Mindset
https://www.flickr.com/photos/tedxnorrkoping/
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“In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work.
Brains and talent are just the starting point.”
-Dr. Carol Dweck, Stanford PsychologistPhoto courtesy https://www.flickr.com/photos/tedxnorrkoping/
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The Growth Mindset
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From this…
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To this!
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The Growth Mindset
Believe You Can Improve
Improve A Little Each
Day
Improve A Lot Over
Time
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The Social Skills Growth Mindset
Believe You Can Learn
Social Skills
Improve Your Social Skills A
Little Each Day
Succeed Socially Over
Time!
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Part 2: Body Language
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The Secret Of Body Language
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Green Light Body Language
|Facing You|Closeness|Relaxation
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Green Light Body Language
|Facing You|Closeness|Relaxation
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Red Light Body Language
|Facing Away|Distance|Tension
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Red Light Body Language
|Facing Away|Distance|Tension
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https://www.flickr.com/photos/megaphotography_gallery/
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https://www.flickr.com/photos/94215313@N00/
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https://www.flickr.com/photos/clara-maya/
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https://www.flickr.com/photos/hectoralejandro/
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Body Language Direction
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https://www.flickr.com/photos/67835627@N05/https://www.flickr.com/photos/xlordashx/
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https://www.flickr.com/photos/andyinnyc/https://www.flickr.com/photos/malias/
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https://www.flickr.com/photos/gtpete/https://www.flickr.com/photos/enthuan/
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Body Language Summary
Look at the big picture
If green, go ahead!
If red, find out what’s wrong
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Your Body Language
People read your body language
Send green signals to
attract friends!
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Eye Contact
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Eye Contact
1. Look at them when you are listening
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Eye Contact
1. Look at them when you are listening
2. Look at them when you are asking questions
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Eye Contact
1. Look at them when you are listening
2. Look at them when you are asking questions
3. Look away if you need to gather your thoughts (but look back when you’re ready!)
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3 Ways To Improve Body Language Skills
1. TV with a body language book
2. Acting class
3. Ask friends or family for help
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Break 1
3 things you can do in 10 minutes:
1. Strike up a conversation with someone else
2. Stretch and grab some water
3. Notice the body language signals of others
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Part 3: Level Up Your Social Life
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Level One: Powering Up
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Video Game Success
1. Spend many hours practicing
2. Try again after failure
3. Study expert strategies
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Social Success
1. Spend many hours practicing
2. Try again after failure
3. Study expert strategies
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Level Two: It’s Go Time
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Level Two: It’s Go Time
1. Go outside your comfort zone
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Level Two: It’s Go Time
1. Go outside your comfort zone
2. Go to the right places
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Level Two: It’s Go Time
1. Go outside your comfort zone
2. Go to the right places
3. Go with specific goals in mind
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Level Three: Conquering Fear
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Level Three: Conquering Fear
1. Stand your ground
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Level Three: Conquering Fear
1. Stand your ground
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Level Three: Conquering Fear
1. Stand your ground
2. Breathe slow and deep
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Level Three: Conquering Fear
1. Stand your ground
2. Breathe slow and deep
3. Challenge your anxious thoughts
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Part 4: Helping Others Succeed
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The Big Question
| How can we help others succeed socially?
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Failure Formula
Poor Social Skills
Bad Social Experiences
Social Withdrawal
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The Temptation…
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The problem with “Just Do It!”
| Social interaction can be stressful, scary, or confusing
| They may not know how to do “it”
| It can turn into a power struggle
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Another Temptation…
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The problem with rewards
| They may only do the minimum necessary to gain the reward
| They may not maintain their behavior when nobody is looking
| It’s hard to find good rewards!
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Dr. Segar’s Secret
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Dr. Segar’s Secret
If physical movement feels good, people will do more of it
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Dr. Segar’s Secret
If being social feels good, people will do more of it
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Our Challenge
How can we create opportunities for others to find joy in social interaction?
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Our Challenge
….And sneak in some social skills training while we’re at it
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Improv Theater
| Improves ability to react to others
| Provides tools for reducing anxiety
| Come to improv class!
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Acts of Service
| Service trips
| Local nonprofits
| Secret Santa (but with acts of kindness instead of gifts)
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Role-playing Games
| Regular meetings with the same group
| Theory of mind from taking character’s perspective
| Ask for help from local gaming shops
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A few final thoughts…
| Gamify everything (HabitRPG.com)
| Be conscious of sensory or stress overload
| Start with small steps
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Part 5: Make Your Plan
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Your Plan
Choose Your Goals
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Goal Setting
|Concrete, measurable goals|Short term, medium term, long term|Have others hold you accountable
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Your Plan
Choose Your Goals
Pick Social Activities
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Social Activities
|Expand your comfort zone|Make new friends
|Ideas: Game stores, meetups, library events, volunteering
|More ideas: Cooking classes, theater classes, Toastmasters
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Your Plan
Choose Your Goals
Pick Social Activities
Find a Mentor
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Find A Mentor
|Someone you trust|Therapist, parent, teacher, friend|Give them permission to challenge you
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Your Plan
Choose Your Goals
Pick Social Activities
Find a Mentor
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Part 6: A Tale of Two Parties
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Part 6: A Tale of Two Parties
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Part 6: A Tale of Two Parties
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Part 6: A Tale of Two Parties
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Part 6: A Tale of Two Parties
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