ielts writing samples 2 - · pdf fileesl page 4 seminars™ our goal is to help you to...

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ActualIELTS®WritingSamples

ESLSeminars™

Our Goal Is To Help You To Secure Your Future!

The Learn By Listening System™

PUBLISHED BY MINDANAO PRINTING COMPANYAND MINDANAO PUBLISHING COMPANY1222 Hazel Street North, Saint Paul, Minnesota, 55119-4500 USA

ESL Seminars™1222 Hazel Street North, Saint Paul, Minnesota, 55119-4500 USA

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© James A. Rarick 2011

It is necessary for written permission to be obtained from the copyright holder and from thepublisher before copying any material from this book.

First published 2011

Written and created in the United States of America

Book design, art direction, and layout by Mindanao Printing Company andESL Seminars™.

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NOTICEESL Seminars is not affiliated with, nor is it endorsed by, the British Council, Australian IDP, theUniversity of Cambridge, or by the IELTS®. All material contained within this booklet, with the exceptionof the sample writing question answers provided by British Council (IELTS®), is the product of thecreative minds of ESL Seminars staff.

This material is presented as a guide to prepare effectively non-native English speakers to pass entranceexams as part of a visa screening process. This material is primarily intended to be used as a classguide with ESL Seminars’ Interactive Participation™ techniques.

©Copyright ©2011 by James A. Rarick and/or Mindanao Publishing Company.

Welcome. In this book you will see a variety ofwriting samples taken from actual IELTS®examinations. Each sample comes with thecomments made by the person rating theexamination, or the writing samples.

Please note that penmanship, or hand-writing,does count. While it might not be a major factor,it has an impact on your final score. Practiceyour writing as much as possible so that youare able to write in a clear manner, and that eachword is legible.

Primary, of course, is that you stay-on topic andthat you fulfil the requirements of the task. Notthe least of those requirements is that you writemore than the minimum number of wordsrequested. If you are asked to write at least 150words, or 250 words, or even 350 words thenthat is the minimum you must write. It is in yourbest interest to write even more.

You must also pay attention to your grammarand sentence syntax. Remember, you areattempting to demonstrate that you have a

command of the English language. In order todo that you must write and speak in not onlygrammatically correct sentences, but thosesentences must be constructed, and haveidiomatic structure, as do native Englishspeakers and writers.

Make sure that you use articles (a, an, the)correctly, and that your prepositions are usedin a proper manner. Make sure that you writein strong sentences, using as few conjunctionsas possible. While you must use complexsentence structure, overusing conjunctions willlead to confusion on the part of the reader (therater) and might tend to confuse you.

Concise writing does not mean overly shortsentences. What it means is that each sentenceshould contain only one thought, presented inthe clearest manner possible. Make sure thatyour sentences do not contain any unnecessarywords, and that you have not omitted anynecessary words.

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ACTUAL IELTS® WRITING SAMPLES

Examiner comment

Band 5The length of the answer is just acceptable. There is a good attempt to describe the overall trends but the content would have beengreatly improved if the candidate had included some reference to the figures given on the graph. Without these, the reader is lackingsome important information. The answer is quite difficult to follow and there are some punctuation errors that cause confusion. Thestructures are fairly simple and efforts to produce more complex sentences are not successful.

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Examiner comment

Band 6The candidate has made a good attempt to describe the graphs looking at global trends and more detailed figures. There is,however, some information missing and the information is inaccurate in minor areas. The answer flows quite smoothly althoughconnectives are overused or inappropriate, and some of the points do not link up well. The grammatical accuracy is quite good andthe language used to describe the trends is well-handled. However, there are problems with expression and the appropriate choiceof words and whilst there is good structural control, the complexity and variation in the sentences are limited.

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Examiner comment

Band 6The answer has an appropriate introduction which the candidate has attempted to express in his/her own words. There is goodcoverage of the data and a brief reference to contrasting trends. The answer can be followed although it is rather repetitive andcohesive devices are overused. In order to gain a higher mark for content, the candidate would be expected to select the salientfeatures of the graph and comment primarily on these. Sentences are long but lack complexity. There are some errors in tense, verbform and spelling which interfere slightly with the flow of the answer.

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Examiner comment

Band 7The answer deals well with both the individual media trends and the overall comparison of these trends. The opening could be morefully developed with the inclusion of information relating to the groups studied and the period of time during which the study tookplace. There is a good variety of cohesive devices and the message can be followed quite easily although the expression issometimes a little clumsy. Structures are complex and vocabulary is varied but there are errors in word forms, tense and voicethough these do not impede communication.

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Examiner comment

Band 5The answer is short at just over 200 words and thus loses marks for content. There are some relevant arguments but these are notvery well developed and become unclear in places. The organisation of the answer is evident through the use of fairly simpleconnectives but there are problems for the reader in that there are many missing words and word order is often incorrect. Thestructures are quite ambitious but often faulty and vocabulary is kept quite simple.

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Continued on next page

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Examiner comment

Band 6There are quite a lot of ideas and while some of these are supported better than others, there is an overall coherence to the answer.The introduction is perhaps slightly long and more time could have been devoted to answering the question. The answer is fairlyeasy to follow and there is good punctuation. Organisational devices are evident although some areas of the answer becomeunclear and would benefit from more accurate use of connectives. There are some errors in the structures but there is also evidenceof the production of complex sentence forms. Grammatical errors interfere slightly with comprehension.

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Examiner comment

Band 5Although the script contains some good arguments, these are presented using poor structures and the answer is not very coherent.The candidate has a clear point of view but not all the supporting arguments are linked together well and sometimes ideas are leftunfinished. There is quite a lot of relevant vocabulary but this is not used skillfully and sentences often have words missing or lapseinto different styles. The answer is spoilt by grammatical errors and poor expression.

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Examiner comment

Band 7The answer is well written and contains some good arguments. It does tend to repeat these arguments but the writer’s point of viewremains clear throughout. The message is easy to follow and ideas are arranged well with good use of cohesive devices. There areminor problems with coherence and at times the expression is clumsy and imprecise. There is a wide range of structures that arewell handled with only small problems in the use of vocabulary, mainly in the areas of spelling and word choice.

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GLOSSARY

The examiner’s notes are sometimes hard to follow.They use the jingoistic language of the IELTS®, andnot everyone is familiar with that. Here are a list ofphrases and their practical lay-person’s explanations.

Keep in mind that if you write so poorly that many ofyour words are illegible you will lose marks for that.Illegible words are considered mis-spellings and willbe given reduced marks.

“Accurate use of connectives”: This indicates thatalthough you know some of the idiomatic phrases ofEnglish, you are misusing them. This normally comesfrom being taught idiomatic phrases, or cohesivedevices, by non-native English instructors who cannotgive you the proper usage examples. This can only beremedied by listening at great length to native Englishspeakers.

“Appropriate choice of words”: This means you arenot using words properly. Normally this indicates apoor vocabulary.

“Complex Sentences”: This refers to sentences thatcontain a complete thought. For example “I bought acar.” is an example of a sentence that is too short andhas no complexity. On the other hand “I bought a used,white, 2005 Subaru with low mileage and new tires.”is a complex sentence that contains a complete thought,not just brief information.

“Complexity and variation in the sentences”: Thismeans you use some good, complete, sentences but thatothers are too short. Short sentences do not contain acomplete thought, only one short point.

“Connectives are overused”: This means you use toomany conjunctions rather than splitting sentences intotwo parts.

“Errors in tense”: This means that you have not paidattention to the correct tenses when writing your essay.

“Errors in word form”: This indicates that you arenot using the syntax, or sentence construction, of nativeEnglish. This is a warning that you have not immersedin English so that you know how English speakers

normally talk. You are carrying over the sentenceconstruction of your native language to English.

“Length of answer is just acceptable”: This meansthat you are at, or near, the minimum requirement. Thisis not good and will result in reduced marks. Make sureyou have written more than the minimum number ofwords required.

“Missing words”: This is another syntax problemcaused by carry-over of sentence construction of yournative language to English.

“Points do not link up well”: Your essay must flowin a logical and “linked” manner. You must make surethat you do not put down scattered thoughts.

“Problems with expression”: You are not using thesyntax of native English.

“Reference to figures”: You must include relevantinformation from the graph in Writing Task 1. Youmust also make sure that the information is accurate.

“Repetitive and cohesive devices are overused”: Thismeans you are using the same phrase, for example“again raised”, “again dropped”, “again raised”, etc.Use your vocabulary effectively. Instead of using“again raised” over and over, use “increased to”, or“elevated to”, or “expanded”.

“Use of cohesive devices”: These are words or phrasesthat help you bring together parts of your essay, eitherin paragraphs or sentences. For example, “inconclusion”, “likewise”, “with regard to”, “it followsthat”, “in other words”, “of course”, “after all”, “on theother hand”, “conversely”, etc.

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