ielts writing collection 2015

IELTS SHAREIELTS SHAREIELTS SHAREIELTS SHARE

TUYTUYTUYTUY��N TN TN TN T��P BÀI CHP BÀI CHP BÀI CHP BÀI CH��A A A A

IELTS WRITINGIELTS WRITINGIELTS WRITINGIELTS WRITING

Hà N�i, ngày 10 tháng 4, 2015

L%I NÓI '(U Nếu bạn đang tìm một tuyển tập những bài essay band siêu cao 8.0 – 8.5 – 9.0

thì đây không phải là cuốn sách mà bạn đang tìm.

Nếu bạn đang tìm một cuốn sách phân tích chi tiết các lỗi sai của các bài band

4.5 - 5.0 hay 5.5 thì đây là sự lựa chọn đúng đắn.

Cuốn “Tuyển tập bài chữa IELTS Writing” lấy nguồn từ các bài làm được các

cao thủ IELTS chấm và chữa chi tiết từ đề luyện tập IELTS hàng tuần của

IELTS SHARE trên website http://ask.ieltsshare.com – chữa IELTS WRITING

hoàn toàn miễn phí.

Cuốn sách chi làm 2 phần: Task 1 và Task 2, mỗi phần gồm tuyển tập các bài

chữa của 4 tuần đầu tiên trên IELTS SHARE. Mỗi bài đều có mục ghi chú để

giúp bạn đọc ghi chú những điều quan trọng học được từ lỗi sai của người viết

và thường cũng là những lỗi sai chung của các IELTSers band dưới 5.5. Đó có

thể xem là mục quan trọng nhất của cuốn sách, nếu bạn viết kín các ô NOTES

đó chứng tỏ bạn học được rất nhiều điều bổ ích và ngược lại.

Bram Stocker – tiểu thuyết gia người Ailen, tác giả của cuốn tiểu thuyết nổi

tiếng “Dracula” có một câu nói nổi tiếng về việc học tập từ sự đúc rút kinh

nghiệm:

“We learn from failure, not from success”

Vấp ngã là một trải nghiệm mang tính “hằn sâu”,nó giúp bạn thấm thía và nhớ

rất lâu. Tuy nhiên, chúng ta có thể tiết kiệm thời gian và công sức bằng cách

học từ sai lầm của những người xung quanh. Thành công mang tính định hướng,

nếu muốn đạt được điều gì đó, hãy hành động ngay từ bây giờ và hãy học từ

những sai lầm ☺

L%I C)M +N Để có thể xuất bản tuyển tập này, tôi xin gửi lời cảm ơn chân thành đến các thầy

cô giáo, những cao thủ IELTS đã không quản ngại để giúp đỡ nhiệt tình và hoàn

toàn miễn phí cho các IELTSers từ khắp nơi trên Việt Nam. Thay mặt cộng

đồng IELTS SHARE tôi xin gửi lời cảm ơn đến:

� Thầy Hồ Quang Trung – Đồng Admin Ask.ieltsshare.com, Admin

Page Luyện thi Toeic + IELTS + Đại học

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Gi%C3%A1o-L%C3%A0ng-

Luy%E1%BB%87n-Writing/737417579670567?fref=ts

� Cô Lê Thu Phương – 8.0 IELTS, Academic Manager, Co-Founder dự

án Luyện thi IELTS chất lượng cao – FED

http://fed.edu.vn

� Chị Trịnh Thu Hằng

� Anh Hồ Xuân Hưng – Admin fanpage IELTS không khó như bạn

nghĩ

https://www.facebook.com/ChinhphucIELTScungMr.Hung

IELTS SHARE Founder

FED Founder,

D34ng Tr5nh

1


FEDFEDFEDFED��-��Boost Your IELTS Score��

http://fed.edu.vn

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

TASK�1TASK�1TASK�1TASK�1��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

2



http://fed.edu.vn

WEEKWEEKWEEKWEEK��1111��

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

You should write at least 150 words.

Bài 1:

The graph shows difference between two music websites called Music Choice and Pop Parade

when it comes to the number of visits in a 15 day period. Overall, two new music sites both saw

an upward trend over the period.

Pop Parade, which was the more common site of the two, remained stable at around 120,000

visits in the first three days, followed by a dramatic fall to just under 40,000 visits on the ninth

day. In the rest of the period, there were considerable fluctuations in the number of people who

clicked on this music site, which surged to nearly 150,000 after only two days and then dropped

by a half before reaching its peak at 170,000 on the last day.

In contrast, the total number of visits to Music Choice was much less than to Pop Parade.

Starting from just one third of the latter, visits to the former increased 20,000 more to 60,000

on the third day, after that the figure fell to only 20,000 which was also the lowest point

throughout the period. On the subsequent days, the number was slightly erratic, making Music



http://fed.edu.vn

Choice welcome around 20,000 visits per day until the day eleven. A significant rise to 12,000

listeners happened on the twelfth day, before falling back to just over 70,000 on the last day of

the period.

The graph shows differences in the numbers of visitors

Music Choice and Pop Parade

regard with/… tốt nhất nên dùng

Overall, two new music sites both

thiếu the) saw an upward trend over the period

Pop Parade, which was the more common site of the two

không ăn điểm đâu), remained stable at around 120,000 visits in the first three days,

by (thế này mới đúng chuẩn)

rest of the period, there were considerable fluctuations in the number of

this music (bỏ) site, (ở đây câu c

nearly 150,000 after only two days

dropped by a half (nên mở ngoặc hoặc

peak at 170,000 on the last day

In contrast (cá nhân mình hay khuyên h

contrary vì hai thằng in

contrast có cách dùng khác nhau)

number of visits (sẽ hợp lý h

dùng hits/ users access) to Music Choice was

much less (dùng đúng không?)

Parade. Starting from just one third of the

latter, visits to the former increased

20,000 more (ý bạn là sao khi dùng more

sao lại dùng như vậy?) to 60,000 on the third

day, after that (ở trên kia không có Chủ Ngữ

thì bạn phải đẩy một Chủ Ngữ lên

chứ không phải đưa after that

figure fell to only (merely) 20,000 which was

also the lowest point throughout the period. On

the subsequent days, the number was slightly

erratic,making Music Choice welcome

��



s in the numbers of visitors between two music websites called

Music Choice and Pop Parade when it comes to the number of visits (when it comes to/ in

ốt nhất nên dùng cho các câu trong 2-3 đoạn Body)

both (chính ra phải đảo là both 2 thì đỡ phải l

saw an upward trend over the period shown/ provided.

Pop Parade, which was the more common site of the two (mình nghĩ kiểu M

, remained stable at around 120,000 visits in the first three days,

ẩn) a dramatic fall to just under 40,000 visits on the ninth day. In the

rest of the period, there were considerable fluctuations in the number of people who clicked on

câu của bạn đã đủ dài, nên tách thành câu mới)

nearly 150,000 after only two days (chưa rõ là 2 days nào trong the rest days

ở ngoặc hoặc đặt giữa hai dấu phẩy, a half = ?)

on the last day (nên sửa chỗ này vì cuối đoạn kia có last day

mình hay khuyên học sinh dùng mấy cụm contrastingly/ on the

in contrast/ by

dùng khác nhau), the total

ẽ hợp lý hơn nếu

to Music Choice was

(dùng đúng không?) than to Pop

Parade. Starting from just one third of the

latter, visits to the former increased

o khi dùng more, tại

to 60,000 on the third

ở trên kia không có Chủ Ngữ

ẩy một Chủ Ngữ lên đây ngay

after that vào) the

20,000 which was

oint throughout the period. On

the subsequent days, the number was slightly

making Music Choice welcome (cụm

3



between two music websites called

when it comes to/ in

in a 15-day period.

ỡ phải lăn tăn the 2) (bạn

ĩ kiểu MĐQH thế này

, remained stable at around 120,000 visits in the first three days, followed

a dramatic fall to just under 40,000 visits on the ninth day. In the

people who clicked on

ới) which surged to

the rest days) and then

) before reaching its

last day).

contrastingly/ on the

4



http://fed.edu.vn

này không nên dùng, hạn chế mấy cụm lạ lạ thế này) around 20,000 visits per day until the

day (Day) eleven. A significant rise to 12,000 listeners happened (dùng từ khác với nghĩa xuất

hiện) on the twelfth day, before falling back to just over 70,000 on the last day of the period.

Important Notes:

� Trình độ viết tốt nhưng hay có xu hướng viết những câu phức tạp. Theo mình, các

câu phức quá có thể khiến bạn bị trừ điểm vì Liên Từ hay Giới Từ bạn chèn vào

giữa các câu đơn đôi khi không hợp lý.

� Thứ nữa, có một số (hình như là 2) cụm bạn miêu tả không đúng theo văn phong

Task 1.

Hồ Quang Trung



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 2:

A glance at the line graph provi

named Music Choice and Pop Parade over a 15 days period.

Overall, the number of visits to both sites fluctuated over the period shown. However, Pop

Parade has more pageviews than Music Choice, e

In the first three days, there are around 120,000 visits to the Pop Parade. Afterwards, the

number of visits bottoms out at over 30,000 on the seventh day. Then it sees a dramatic

fluctuation and peaks at approximately 170,000 on

Only 40,000 listener accesses to the Music Choice on the first day, it is significantly lower than

the figure for Pop Parade at the same time. In the next ten days, the interest of people in the

Music Choice still do not really rise. How

number of pageviews of the site. It peaks at over 120,000 on the fourteenth day, then drop

suddenly to nearly 75,000 the last day.

A glance at the line graph provided reveals

figure (trend hay variations thì h

đề bài là compares) for accesses to 2

fresh (bạn để new ổn, không

cả) music websites (nhiều ng

là Internet sites hoặc on the Internet

Music Choice and Pop Parade

chỗ này là namely) over a 15 days

khá nặng, over a 15-day period

Overall, the number of visits to both sites

fluctuated over the period shown. However,

Pop Parade has more pageviews than Music

Choice, except for the twelfth day.

In the first three days, there are

120,000 visits to the (bỏ)

Afterwards, the number of visits

ý nghĩa và cách dùng) at over 30,000

fluctuation and peaks at approximately 170,000

��

A glance at the line graph provided reveals the figure for accesses to 2 fresh music websites

named Music Choice and Pop Parade over a 15 days period.


Parade has more pageviews than Music Choice, except for the twelfth day.



fluctuation and peaks at approximately 170,000 on the fifteeth day.



Music Choice still do not really rise. However, from the eleventh day, there is a rapid climb in the


suddenly to nearly 75,000 the last day.

A glance at the line graph provided reveals the

thì hợp lý hơn vì

for accesses to 2

ổn, không có vấn đề gì

ều người dùng

on the Internet) named

Music Choice and Pop Parade (không cần và

15 days period (lỗi

day period).

Overall, the number of visits to both sites

fluctuated over the period shown. However,

Pop Parade has more pageviews than Music

Choice, except for the twelfth day.

In the first three days, there are around

ỏ) Pop Parade.

Afterwards, the number of visits bottoms out (cụm này lạ nhỉ, mình không ch

at over 30,000 (đơn vị) on the seventh day. Then it sees a dramatic

ximately 170,000 (đơn vị) on the fifteeth day.

5

ded reveals the figure for accesses to 2 fresh music websites






ever, from the eleventh day, there is a rapid climb in the


, mình không chắc chắn lắm về

on the seventh day. Then it sees a dramatic

on the fifteeth day.

6



http://fed.edu.vn

Only 40,000 listeners accesses (mình nghĩ từ này không ổn lắm) to the (bỏ) Music Choice on

the first day, it is significantly lower than the figure for Pop Parade at the same time (muốn nối

câu thì dùng which is… compared to…, tức là cái việc (của vế trước) 40,000 người xem

thấp hơn so với mức của Pop Parade). In the next ten days, the interest of people in the Music

Choice still do not really rise (câu này không phải văn Task 1) (có thể nói the figure rose

gradually hay gì đó). However, from the eleventh day, there is a rapid climb in the number

of pageviews (trùng) of the site. It peaks (trùng) at over 120,000 (đơn vị) on the fourteenth

day, then drops (chú ý chia) suddenly to nearly 75,000 (đơn vị) on the last day.

Important Notes:

� Câu Overall tốt.

� Bài này miêu tả độc lập 2 đoạn 2 web là đúng. Tuy nhiên, đoạn ý chính 2 hơi bị dài

hơn đoạn ý chính 1.

Hồ Quang Trung



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 3:

The line graph illustrates the rates of visits to two new online music websi

Pop Parada) in 15 days. Overall, the number of access to the both sites increased and Pop

Parada was more popular than Music Choice.

On the first day, the number of visits to Pop Parada accounted for under 120 thousand and

remained until the third day. However, from the third day to the ninth day, the amount of visits

to this website decreased to around 40 thousand on the ninth day. Between the ninth day and

the fifteenth day, the figure for Pop Parada rocketed to approximately 150 tho

experiencing a dip then reaching a peak of more than 170 thousand on the fifteenth day.

The amount of visits to Music Choice, meanwhile, decreased slightly from 40 thousand to

around 20 thousand between the first day and the eleventh day before witn

growth of about 100 thousand on the twelfth day. From the day twelve to fifteen, the figure for

this site declined to approximately 70 thousand.

The line graph illustrates the

of) of visits to two new online music websites

Parada) (dùng namely hoặc đ

Overall, the number of access to

1 cái nó fluctuated rất mạnh)

was more popular (có lẽ là hơi c

Music Choice.

On the first day, the number of visits

(dùng mỗi visits thôi là đủ rồi, lại không

bị lặp) to Pop Parada accounted for under 12

thousand (120,000) (bạn cần viết hẳn chữ số

ra luôn nhé, tránh được lỗi sai nh

này) and remained

stayable (còn mấy cách diễn

the third day. However, from the third day to

the ninth day, the amount of visits to this

website decreased to around 40 thousand

the ninth day (chọn 1 trong 2 cụm thời gian)

Between the ninth day and the fifteenth day

(dùng between mình lại nghĩ có

��

The line graph illustrates the rates of visits to two new online music websites (Music Choice and


Parada was more popular than Music Choice.


til the third day. However, from the third day to the ninth day, the amount of visits


the fifteenth day, the figure for Pop Parada rocketed to approximately 150 tho



around 20 thousand between the first day and the eleventh day before witn


this site declined to approximately 70 thousand.

The line graph illustrates the rates (nên dùng number/ amount/ quantity

of visits to two new online music websites (Music Choice and Pop

để giữa hai dấu phẩy) in 15 days (a 15-day period

Overall, the number of access to the (bỏ) both sites increased (chưa rõ ràng nhé,

ất mạnh) and Pop Parada

ơi cảm tính) than

the number of visits (trùng)

ủ rồi, lại không lo

to Pop Parada accounted for under 120

ạn cần viết hẳn chữ số

ợc lỗi sai như thế

and remained unchanged/

ấy cách diễn đạt nữa) until

from the third day to

, the amount of visits to this

decreased to around 40 thousand on

ọn 1 trong 2 cụm thời gian).

and the fifteenth days

ại nghĩ có2 figures hóa ra chỉ có 1, thế thì dùng a period from X to

7

tes (Music Choice and



til the third day. However, from the third day to the ninth day, the amount of visits


the fifteenth day, the figure for Pop Parada rocketed to approximately 150 thousand,



around 20 thousand between the first day and the eleventh day before witnessing a sharp


number/ amount/ quantity hoặc figure for/

(Music Choice and Pop

day period mới đúng).

õ ràng nhé, chỉ thấy là có

a period from X to

8



http://fed.edu.vn

Y đi), the figure for Pop Parada rocketed to approximately 150 thousand, experiencing a dip

then reaching a peak of more than 170 thousand on the fifteenth day (chỗ này quá dài và phức

tạp để gom thành 1 vế như thế này).

(rất cần Liên Từ) The amount of visits (2 đoạn 2 cụm từ y chang nhau, cần lưu ý diễn

đạt) to Music Choice, (có meanwhile thì chắc không phải là phẩy như thế

này) meanwhile (dùng and then), decreased slightly from 40 thousand to around 20 thousand

between the first day and the eleventh day (chỗ này tách) before witnessing (bạn định nói là a

number witnesses hay là 1 website witnesses) (nhầm Chủ Ngữ là xong cả câu luôn) a sharp

growth of about 100 thousand on the twelfth day. From the day twelve to fifteen (số thứ tự mà

linh tinh quá!), the figure for this site declined to approximately 70 thousand.

Important Notes:

� Câu Overall nên là fluctuation (1st half) và increases (2nd half).

� Số liệu tạm được nhưng cụm amount/ number of visits dùng đi dùng lại chán quá!

Có thể thay, visitors, access, figure, number, Pop Parada/ Music Choice, visits to,

number of hits,…

Hồ Quang Trung



http://fed.edu.vn

BÀI 4

The chart describes the information concerning how many people visiting to two new music

sites named Music Choice and Pop Parade over a 15

is more attractive to listeners than the other, but in general, both of them see a fluctuate trend in

the number of visits.

In the first day, Pop Parade starts perfectly with 120.000 users, which is 3 times as high as the

figure Music Choice own the same day. This number

But from the fourth day to the eleventh day, the elesticity can be seen clearly when only under

40.000 users acessing this site which is the lowest point in day 7, then increases dramatically to

over 140.000 visits on the eleventh day. After falling down significantly on the thirteenth day,

the figure starts growing up again and reaches the highest peak on the fifth day with more than

170.000 visitors.

The number of listeners choosing Music Choice is not as fluctu

day 12 and 13, the pageview of this site is lower than its opponent. Starting with 40.000 visits

on the first day and growing up with 60.000 visits on the third day, then the figure remains

stable between 20.000 to 40.00

fourth day witnesses a marked growth in the number of users when around 120.000 people

clicking this website. After climbing to the

highest point, the figure drops as fast as its

growth – only under 80.000 people staying

with Music Choice in the final day.

The chart (line graph) describes

the (dùng information thì hay

với provide) information concerning

many people visiting to (the number of visits

of) two new music sites named Music Choice

and Pop Parade over a 15-day period. As the

chart shows, Pop Parade is (seems to be

attractive to listeners than the other

như Task

2), but (dùng however, nevertheless

general, both of them see a fluctuate trend

��


sites named Music Choice and Pop Parade over a 15-day period. As the chart shows, Pop Parade

ve to listeners than the other, but in general, both of them see a fluctuate trend in


figure Music Choice own the same day. This number is do not changes much after 2 days later.



s on the eleventh day. After falling down significantly on the thirteenth day,


The number of listeners choosing Music Choice is not as fluctuate as Pop Parade’s, but except for



stable between 20.000 to 40.000 until the day eleventh. The period from the twelveth day to the


clicking this website. After climbing to the

highest point, the figure drops as fast as its

ly under 80.000 people staying

with Music Choice in the final day.

describes

thì hay đi kèm

information concerning how

the number of visits

two new music sites named Music Choice

day period. As the

seems to be) more

s than the otherone (nghe

nevertheless) in

see a fluctuate trend (see

9


day period. As the chart shows, Pop Parade

ve to listeners than the other, but in general, both of them see a fluctuate trend in


is do not changes much after 2 days later.



s on the eleventh day. After falling down significantly on the thirteenth day,


ate as Pop Parade’s, but except for



0 until the day eleventh. The period from the twelveth day to the


10



http://fed.edu.vn

fluctuations đủ rồi) in the number of visits.

In the first day, Pop Parade starts (bao giờ cũng là Starting from X, A does) perfectly (mình

không nghĩ mấy Trạng Từ như thế này dùng được, thấy hơi cảm tính) with 120.000 users,

which is 3 times as high as (không khoái mấy kiểu miêu tả thế này lắm, có thể dùng tương

đương 3 times higher than) the figure Music Choice own the same day (that of Music Choice).

This number is do not changes much (What the hell is going on here?) after (không bao giờ

viết thế này, phải là in the 2 next days) 2 days later. But (chỉ nên dùng đầu đoạn còn

lại) from the fourth day to the eleventh day, the elesticity (nghĩa gì nhỉ?) can be seen clearly

when only under (1 trong 2) 40.000 users accessing this site which is the lowest point in day

7 (thông tin phụ đưa sau các cặp dấu phẩy), then (thiếu Chủ Ngữ) increases dramatically to

over 140.000 visits on the eleventh day. After falling down significantly on the thirteenth day,

the figure starts growing up again and reaches the highest peak (dùng tùm lum quá!) on the

fifth day, with more than 170.000 visitors.

The number of listeners choosing Music Choice is not as fluctuate as Pop Parade’s, but except for

day 12 and 13, the pageview of this site is lower than its opponent. (câu này con lai giữa Task

1 và Task 2) (the number of gì đó + V + O + Time, except for…, while…) Starting with 40.000

visits on the first day and growing up (chỉ nên dùng 1 Động Từ thôi) with 60.000 visits on the

third day, then the figure remains stable between 20.000 to 40.000 from that day until the day

eleventh. The period from the twelveth day to the fourth day witnesses a marked growth in the

number of users when (thay bằng of) around 120.000 people clicking (dùng luôn Danh Từ +

on) this website. After climbing to the highest point (ý là reach a peak à), the figure drops as

fast as its growth (kiểu miêu tả khá hồn nhiên) – only under 80.000 people (dùng từ chán

ghê, bên trên toàn visit mà không nhớ ra visitors) staying with Music Choice in the final day.

Important Notes:

� Chỗ fluctuation mà thấy bí thì dùng changes in the figure of… Vì thường mình

thích fluctuate widely còn fluctuations mình ít dùng (trends/ changes nghe ổn hơn).

� Bài bạn chắc tham khảo nhiều nguồn chứ chưa học bài bản. Bạn nên đi luyện 1 khóa ở

ngoài trung tâm. Mình chữa 1 bài của bạn mất thời gian gấp 2-3 lần các bạn bên trên.

Hồ Quang Trung



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 5:

The line graph above provides information about the quantity of visits to two kind of music sites

on the web over the period. Overall, the

number of visits to Pop Parade was mostly higher than that of Music Choice during two weeks

period.

For the first week, while the figures for Pop Parade decreased dramatically from 120,000s to

below 40,000s, the number of people visiting Music Choice varied between 20,000s levels and

60,000s levels and then stood at over 20,000s at the seventh day. Over the next four days, the

number of visits to Pop Parade experienced an upward trend, at about 150,

In contrast, the figure for Music Choice remained stable at over 20,000s.

For the last four days, the patterns of two sites were relatively different. Initially, visits to Pop

Parade dropped suddenly, but then it soared to the peak at

period. Meanwhile, the figure for Music Choice

rose significantly to reach its peak at 14 day

and then decreased to end the period at below

80,000s.

The line graph above (không dùng

nhé) provides informationabout

on và data on) the quantity of visits to

two kind of (bỏ) music sites on the

web (dùng online thay thế vì ý tác giả cũng

là như vậy) over the period. Overall, there

were wild fluctuations in figures of both sites

and (chỗ này có lẽ nên tách thành câu

hoặc dùng while) the number of visits to Pop

Parade was mostly higher than that of Music

Choice during two weeks (a two

For the first week, while the figures for Pop Parade decreased dramatically from 120,000s

below 40,000s, the number of people visiting Music Choice varied between 20,000s

60,000slevels and then stood at over 20,000s

toàn có thể tách thành 2 câu, câu 1

next four days, the number of visits to Pop Parade experienced an upward trend, at about

��


on the web over the period. Overall, there were wild fluctuations in figures of both sites and the



w 40,000s, the number of people visiting Music Choice varied between 20,000s levels and


number of visits to Pop Parade experienced an upward trend, at about 150,000s in eleventh day.

In contrast, the figure for Music Choice remained stable at over 20,000s.


Parade dropped suddenly, but then it soared to the peak at about 170,000s at the end of the

period. Meanwhile, the figure for Music Choice

rose significantly to reach its peak at 14 day

and then decreased to end the period at below

(không dùng

provides informationabout (information

the quantity of visits to

music sites on the

ế vì ý tác giả cũng

over the period. Overall, there

were wild fluctuations in figures of both sites

ỗ này có lẽ nên tách thành câu 2,

the number of visits to Pop

Parade was mostly higher than that of Music

a two-week) period.

the first week, while the figures for Pop Parade decreased dramatically from 120,000s

of people visiting Music Choice varied between 20,000s

60,000slevels and then stood at over 20,000s at the seventh day (câu này nhi

ể tách thành 2 câu, câu 1 => It is obvious that…, câu 2 => Meanwhile,…

our days, the number of visits to Pop Parade experienced an upward trend, at about

11


re were wild fluctuations in figures of both sites and the



w 40,000s, the number of people visiting Music Choice varied between 20,000s levels and


000s in eleventh day.


about 170,000s at the end of the

the first week, while the figures for Pop Parade decreased dramatically from 120,000s to

of people visiting Music Choice varied between 20,000s levels and

(câu này nhiều ý quá) (hoàn

Meanwhile,…). Over the

our days, the number of visits to Pop Parade experienced an upward trend, at about

12



http://fed.edu.vn

150,000s in the eleventh day. In contrast, the figure for Music Choice remained stable at over

20,000s.

For the last four days, the patterns of two sites were relatively

different. Initially (dùng Firstly nhé, từ của bạn dùng có nghĩa khác), visits to Pop Parade

dropped suddenly, but then it soared to the peak at about 170,000s at the end of the period.

Meanwhile, the figure for Music Choice rose significantly to reach its peak at 14 day(Day

14) and then (thấy cái then này phải 4 lần rồi thì phải) decreased to end the period (mình

không đồng ý với cụm này, lối diễn đạt khá lạ) at below 80,000s.

Important Notes:

� Để tránh lặp các cụm the number/ the figure nên thêm các câu Present Participle hoặc

thay bằng visitors, pageviews, users,…

� ,000s = 1,000 đấy.

Hồ Quang Trung



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 1:

The table shows the ratings of course satisfaction from first

The table compares three courses in terms of their pre

printed resource and other resources. It is clear that all subjects are achieved satisfaction above

60% in every category, except the pre

Economics is highlighted in teaching and tutor , with 95% and 92%

normal percentage- with percentage from 60% to 80% in both five aspects, and

satisfaction is 72%. It is the most oustanding that Commerce is the best course with all indexs

are above 80%. Commerce is quite striker on

lowest one in pre-course information and other resources.

Of the three specific courses, Commerce is the most satisfying one with average percentage is

90%, absolutely higher than the rest of table.

The table shows the ratings of course satisfaction from first

không sai gì cả nhưng có lẽ band

từ show, first-year students)

The table compares three courses in terms of their pre

printed resource and other resources.

��


The table shows the ratings of course satisfaction from first-year students.

The table compares three courses in terms of their pre-course information, teaching, tu


60% in every category, except the pre-course information of Economics, with only 59%.

Economics is highlighted in teaching and tutor , with 95% and 92% of fulfillment. Law gets a

with percentage from 60% to 80% in both five aspects, and


are above 80%. Commerce is quite striker on all aspects than the others, while Economics is

course information and other resources.


90%, absolutely higher than the rest of table.

e shows the ratings of course satisfaction from first-year students.

ẽ band điểm chỉ 6.0-6.5 thôi) (bạn có thể paraphrase lại các

The table compares three courses in terms of their pre-course information, teaching, tutor,

sources. (sao lại viết câu này độc lập?) (nếu cần nêu 3 yếu tố

13

course information, teaching, tutor,


course information of Economics, with only 59%.

of fulfillment. Law gets a

with percentage from 60% to 80% in both five aspects, and the average


all aspects than the others, while Economics is


year students. (viết thế này thì

ạn có thể paraphrase lại các

course information, teaching, tutor,

ộc lập?) (nếu cần nêu 3 yếu tố



http://fed.edu.vn

thì nêu ngay từ câu trên, bên trên vẫn khá

ngắn) (cho cụm in three subjects

clear that all subjects are achieved satisfaction

(sửa chỗ ba lăng nhăng này) (1 là đ

ra) (2 có thể nói overall satisfaction of

thế) above 60% in every category

đánh giá thì sẽ là criteria), except

là bị trừ điểm nặng, rất lưu ý giùm

course information of Economics,

only (merely được rồi) 59%.

Economics is highlighted in teaching and

tutor (không miêu tả kiểu này) (

in terms of Economics gì đó)

92% of fulfillment (mình không ch

này được không nhưng tự d

con số vào 2 tiêu chí trên thì h

kèm mấy thằng còn lại, khoảng 60%)

ngược chiều) Law gets (thời QK

củng) from 60% to 80% (tránh miêu t

nặng, all) five aspects (từ này cao siêu quá)

trên thì thôi ý này chứ, vừa nói khoảng lại vừa nói con số trung bình cộng)

giờ có Liên Từ?) It is the most oustanding

the best course with all indexs

Commerce is quite (thiếu gì từ

all aspects (tương tự) than the others, while Ec

khá phổ biến) pre-course information and other resources

nhấn, thì phải có số liệu).

Of the three specific courses, Commerce is the most satisfying

đó?) with (an) average percentage

định đối tượng linh tinh) (tiếp,

nhất gì đó).

Important Notes:

��

ừ câu trên, bên trên vẫn khá

in three subjects vào) It is

are achieved satisfaction

ăng nhăng này) (1 là đã diễn

satisfaction of thay

category (tiêu chí

except (for, thiếu

ý giùm) the pre-

course information of Economics, with

ghted in teaching and

ả kiểu này) (First of all,

đó), with 95% and

(mình không chắc dùng từ

ự dưng bồi cho 2

ố vào 2 tiêu chí trên thì hơi chụp giựt) (sao bạn không miêu tả 2 thằng

ấy thằng còn lại, khoảng 60%). (bạn phải dùng Liên Từ và nên thể hiện yếu tố

ời QKĐ hết thì hợp lý) a normal percentage- with percentage

(tránh miêu tả chung chung như thế

ừ này cao siêu quá), and the average satisfaction is

ứ, vừa nói khoảng lại vừa nói con số trung bình cộng)

It is the most oustanding (lỗi thiếu Danh Từ đáng cho 5.0)

indexs (không nên dùng từ này) (chưa kể chia sai)

ếu gì từ ăn điểm, relatively) striker (không hi

than the others, while Economics is (the) lowest one in

course information and other resources (khi chỉ ra sự trái ng

Of the three specific courses, Commerce is the most satisfying one (one thay cho t

average percentage is (of) 90%, absolutely higher than the rest of table

ợng linh tinh) (tiếp, đáng lý con số nên đảo về cuối, trước đó nói cao hơn, cao

14

ả 2 thằng highest đi

ạn phải dùng Liên Từ và nên thể hiện yếu tố

with percentage (lủng

ế này) in both (trừ

the average satisfaction is 72% (đã nói ý

ứ, vừa nói khoảng lại vừa nói con số trung bình cộng). (không bao

đáng cho 5.0) that Commerce is

ể chia sai) are above 80%.

(không hiểu ý bạn) on

lowest one in (terms of, cụm

ỉ ra sự trái ngược, điểm

thay cho từ nào trước

the rest of table (xác

đó nói cao hơn, cao

15



http://fed.edu.vn

� Mình tìm được 1 số cụm: student satisfaction rates, program satisfaction of first-

year university students, student satisfaction with the course, student course

satisfaction ratings, etc. Bạn chọn lọc rồi thay nhé. Riêng student they

bằng freshman.

� Khi nhắc đến các tiêu chí có thể dùng in terms of, regarding, for hoặc dùng trực

tiếp tên môn học saw a number/ figure of…

� Về Bố Cục, viết thừa 1 câu Introduction, thừa 1 câu Conclusion trong khi có mỗi 1

đoạn chính gộp cả 3 thằng vào nhau. Mình thấy như vậy rất là không hợp lý.

Hồ Quang Trung



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 2:

The table illustrates the level of satisfaction about economics, law and commerce courses from

the first-year students. Overall, it is noticeable that while commerce courses have the highest

rate of satisfaction in all criteria, fewer st

When it comes to pre-course information, commerce tops among three categories, with 59% of

satisfaction, whereas the proportion of being satisfied with the economics and law courses are

at 59% and 72% respectively. In terms

place. Law ranks the second place with 95 and 92 %

criteria are slightly lower, at 76

With regards to resource criterion, the figure

rank. In contrast, law accounts for 81% , compared to solely 70% of satisfaction in law

courses. From the table it can be seen that other sources are also evaluated by students and

economics is the most unsatisfactory than

The table illustrates the level

paraphrase từ rate/ rating các ki

satisfaction about economics, law and

commerce courses from the (th

mạnh) first-year students. Overall,

noticeable that while commerce courses have

the highest rate of satisfaction in all criteria,

fewer students contend with (Task 1 ch

tả thôi, không nên nói gì ngoài luồng)

courses.

When it comes to pre-course information,

commerce tops (cách diễn

three categories, with 59% of satisfaction,

whereas the proportion of being satisfied

with (sao không dùng figures for

hơn nhiều) the (dùng luôn tên riêng)

gợi ý thì bỏ từ này) 59% and 72% respectively. In terms of teaching

commerce still remains in the first place

thêm số liệu). Law ranks (nhi

while the figures for teaching and tutor criteria are slightly lower, at 76 and 70%

��


year students. Overall, it is noticeable that while commerce courses have the highest

rate of satisfaction in all criteria, fewer students contend with law courses.

course information, commerce tops among three categories, with 59% of


at 59% and 72% respectively. In terms of teaching an tutor, commerce still remains in the first

place. Law ranks the second place with 95 and 92 % while the figures for teaching and tutor

criteria are slightly lower, at 76 and 70% respectively.

With regards to resource criterion, the figure for law course is 86%, which maintains on the top

accounts for 81% , compared to solely 70% of satisfaction in law

From the table it can be seen that other sources are also evaluated by students and

unsatisfactory than law and commerce courses

The table illustrates the levels (chắc chỉ cần

các kiểu thôi) of

satisfaction about economics, law and

(thừa, sẽ bị trừ

year students. Overall, it is

noticeable that while commerce courses have

the highest rate of satisfaction in all criteria,

(Task 1 chỉ miêu

ả thôi, không nên nói gì ngoài luồng) law

course information,

ễn đạt lạ) among

three categories, with 59% of satisfaction,

proportion of being satisfied

figures for đơn giản

(dùng luôn tên riêng) economics and law courses are at (n

59% and 72% respectively. In terms of teaching an tutor

commerce still remains in the first place (câu này cụt lủn quá, nên có so sánh, không thì

(nhiều cách dùng từ hơi lạ) the second place with 95 and 92%

the figures for teaching and tutor criteria are slightly lower, at 76 and 70%

16


year students. Overall, it is noticeable that while commerce courses have the highest

course information, commerce tops among three categories, with 59% of


of teaching an tutor, commerce still remains in the first

while the figures for teaching and tutor

for law course is 86%, which maintains on the top

accounts for 81% , compared to solely 70% of satisfaction in law

From the table it can be seen that other sources are also evaluated by students and

(nếu dùng như mình

an tutor (cái gì đây),

ụt lủn quá, nên có so sánh, không thì

the second place with 95 and 92%

the figures for teaching and tutor criteria are slightly lower, at 76 and 70% respectively.

17



http://fed.edu.vn

With regards to resource criterion, the figure for law course is 86%, which maintains (nên nối

bằng and) on the (có ai chia đâu mà toàn dùng mấy từ này, dùng highest/ lowest là được

rồi) top rank. In contrast, law accounts for (không phải dạng cột hay ô tròn) 81%, compared

to solely 70% (nếu trước đấy bạn dùng từ này cho chỗ 81% thì ở đây là that of) of

satisfaction in law courses. From the table it can be seen that (cách nói này hình như là

của overall/ conclusion, có vẻ bạn đã miêu tả đủ dài) other sources are also evaluated by

students and economics is the most unsatisfactory than law and commerce courses

Important Notes:

� Đoạn 2 so sánh tạm ổn nhưng có 3 chỗ liền dính thằng respectively, it’s way too

much for your readers.

� Đoạn 3 có câu cuối hình như bị trùng lặp với câu overall ban đầu.

Hồ Quang Trung



http://fed.edu.vn

Đề luyện tập tuần này rơi vào d

Module tại Việt Nam ngày 14.02.2015.

Như thường lệ: các bạn nên luyện tập dành tối

hoặc không đủ tiêu chuẩn bài làm của một bài thi IELTS WRITING sẽ không

Ưu tiên 5 bạn nộp bài sớm nhất. Chúc các bạn làm bài

Bài 1:

The flow chart shows the process of making a simple filter water and the important functions of

producing clean water.

Overall, there are four different stages which involves in the production of fresh water,

beginning with pouring impure wat

stage and finally being stored in a tank for drinking.

Looking at the first stage, we can see that blue impure water is poured from a vase into a tank,

where the water is then pushed through three fi

gravel ones. After the purifying process is done, dusts from water are left on the filter and the

fresh water continues with being absorbed into a

equipped to connect between two containers and assist this stage. At the final stage, the water is

stored in a large container for drinking.

��


ơi vào dạnh miêu tả quy trình – Lấy từ đề thi IELTS Academic

ại Việt Nam ngày 14.02.2015.

ờng lệ: các bạn nên luyện tập dành tối đa 20′ để làm task 1. Các bài viết quá ngắn

ủ tiêu chuẩn bài làm của một bài thi IELTS WRITING sẽ không

ạn nộp bài sớm nhất. Chúc các bạn làm bài tốt.



beginning with pouring impure water into a chamber. The water then goes through filtering

stage and finally being stored in a tank for drinking.


where the water is then pushed through three filtering layers including sand, charcoal and


fresh water continues with being absorbed into a large container by a hose or a pipe which are

t between two containers and assist this stage. At the final stage, the water is

stored in a large container for drinking.

18

ề thi IELTS Academic

ể làm task 1. Các bài viết quá ngắn

ủ tiêu chuẩn bài làm của một bài thi IELTS WRITING sẽ không được chấm.



er into a chamber. The water then goes through filtering


ltering layers including sand, charcoal and


large container by a hose or a pipe which are

t between two containers and assist this stage. At the final stage, the water is



http://fed.edu.vn

The flow chart shows the process of making a

simple filter water andthe important functions

of producing clean water (viết thế này kh

nhiều người nghĩ bạn sẽ liệt kê

which are important) (two stages

parts).

Overall, there are four different stages

involves in (mình nghĩ nên dùng

to… là hợp lý và đơn giản nhất, có phẩy)

production of fresh water, beg

pouring impure water into a chamber

quá). The water then goes through filtering

stage and finally being stored in a tank for

drinking (tách ra chứ ai lại gộp

(câu đầu theo mình là

từ beginning trở đi khá là linh tinh

Looking (bỏ đi, có cụm đi sau là đư

rườm rà) blue impure water is poured from a vase into a tank, where the water is then pushed

through three filtering layers including

bộ các thành phần) sand, charcoal and gravel

nhất) ones. After the purifying process

left on the filter (cụm này ch

or impurities are removed) and

continues with being absorbed into a

sang câu/ đoạn khác bằng một Liên Từ)

containers and assist this stage

in a large container for drinking.

Important Notes:

� Định chữa ít thôi nhưng càng đ

vậy.

� Chia Đoạn 3 ra làm 2 đo

� Thay từ container hoặc loại bỏ vì

��

The flow chart shows the process of making a

the important functions

ết thế này khiến

ời nghĩ bạn sẽ liệt kê functions

two stages hoặc two

Overall, there are four different stages which

ĩ nên dùng from…

ản nhất, có phẩy) the

production of fresh water, beginning with

pouring impure water into a chamber (tham

. The water then goes through filtering

stage and finally being stored in a tank for

ứ ai lại gộp như vậy)

là ổn rồi còn ý

đi khá là linh tinh).

đi sau là được rồi) at the first stage, we can see that

impure water is poured from a vase into a tank, where the water is then pushed

including (dùng of nhé vì include nghĩa là sẽ không nói hết toàn

sand, charcoal and gravel (dùng Danh Từ như trong h

the purifying process (water purificiation) is done, dusts from water are

ụm này chưa chính xác) dusts (có lẽ là undesireable chemicals

and the fresh water (mình nghĩ nên tìm cụm khác

being absorbed into a large container by a hose or a pipe (ch

ạn khác bằng một Liên Từ) which are equipped to connect

and assist this stage (nghe hơi Vietnamese) . At the final stage, the water is stored

in a large container for drinking.

ưng càng đọc càng thấy nhiều chỗ cảm giác ổn m

đoạn. Trong đó Đoạn 2 thì dài hơn chút, thêm 1 câu là t

ặc loại bỏ vì đã dùng khá nhiều.

19

we can see that (bỏ bớt cho đỡ

impure water is poured from a vase into a tank, where the water is then pushed

ĩa là sẽ không nói hết toàn

ư trong hình là hợp lý

is done, dusts from water are

undesireable chemicals

ĩ nên tìm cụm khác thay thế)

(chỗ này có lẽ nên nối

ch are equipped to connect between two

. At the final stage, the water is stored

ọc càng thấy nhiều chỗ cảm giác ổn mà không phải

ơn chút, thêm 1 câu là tốt.



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 2:

A glance at a diagram provided reveals a step by step process of producing clean drinking water.

At first glance it is obvious that there are some main stages involving in this procedure,

beginning with pouring impure water into the filter and culminating in storaging in a tank.

Looking at the process in detail, the first step is started with pouring

contains three different layers such as sand, charcoal and gravel. Afterthat, the water is filtered

through 3 layers until removing all the dust in order to ensure the pure water . The step after

this is after being filted, clean water is flowed through the pipe which is connected from the

bottom of the filter to the tank. Finally, pure water is reserved in a tank for the purpose of using

in daily life.

A glance at a (the) diagram provided reveals

a step by step (nối lại) process of producing

clean drinking water (thiếu 1 ý của

first glance it is obvious that there are some

main stages involving in this procedure,

beginning with pouring impure water into the

filter and culminating in storaging in a

tank (mình nghĩ cần nói from… to..

không nên chỉ dừng ở bước đ

Looking at the process in detail, the first step is

started with pouring water into the filter

which contains three different layers such as

sand, charcoal and gravel (chỗ này có thể

được 3 câu, ít thì 2 câu). After that

is filtered through 3 layers until removing all the dust in order to ensure the pure water

cái after that nhé vì bạn có miêu tả b

cái thùng đầu). The step after this

filted, clean water is flowed (mình ngh

connected from the bottom of the filter to the tank

Hệ với connecting) (chỗ này có th

đoạn). Finally, pure water is reserved in a tank

rối rắm quá, bạn gõ clean drinking water

��




Looking at the process in detail, the first step is started with pouring water into the filter which



an water is flowed through the pipe which is connected from the


diagram provided reveals

ss of producing

ếu 1 ý của đề). At

first glance it is obvious that there are some

main stages involving in this procedure,

beginning with pouring impure water into the

filter and culminating in storaging in a

from… to... chứ

đầu).

Looking at the process in detail, the first step is

water into the filter

which contains three different layers such as

ỗ này có thể ăn

After that, the water

is filtered through 3 layers until removing all the dust in order to ensure the pure water

ạn có miêu tả bước nào tiếp theo đâu, bạn đang nói v

The step after this (thiếu gì cách diễn đạt mà chọn cụm này)

(mình nghĩ nên dùng Chủ Động) through the pipe which is

connected from the bottom of the filter to the tank (sao không dùng Rút Gọn Mệnh

y có thể chấm hết Đoạn 1, xuống dòng, coi như đ

. Finally, pure water is reserved in a tank for the purpose of using in daily life

clean drinking water có đầy cách nói hay và đơn giản h

20




water into the filter which



an water is flowed through the pipe which is connected from the


is filtered through 3 layers until removing all the dust in order to ensure the pure water (tránh

đang nói về chức năng của

ạt mà chọn cụm này) is after being

through the pipe which is

ọn Mệnh Đề Quan

ư đã qua 2 công

for the purpose of using in daily life (diễn đạt

ản hơn

21



http://fed.edu.vn

nhiều) (hoặc nối câu trước vào với câu này và coi đây là Đoạn 2, nước chảy qua vòi và

chứa nước).

Important Notes:

� Câu 1 viết dài ra tí vì đề có 2 ý lận.

� Câu 2 cũng thế, viết hẳn thành 1 đoạn không sao.

� Để tránh chuyện thiếu trước hụt sau do cái đề nó chỉ có như vậy thì Đoạn

Introduction và Đoạn Overall viết cho thật dài

Hồ Quang Trung

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��

��



http://fed.edu.vn

Summarize the information and predict the outline of campus by 2020.

Bài 1:

The maps illustrate the changes about college campus after its construction during the per

between 1978 and 2020.

At first glance, it is clear that the trees, the study area and the sport field still remained from

1978 and 2010. In 2020, the area is expected to be empty.

Between 1978 and 2010, in the south corner of the college campus, the

make a way for IT center, while the block consists theater and music center were replaced by

science building. In the southwest of the campus, there was an appearance of new road linking

to both IT center and library, and the music

northeast of the library. In the north of the area, the car park was extended, while all the trees

were planted more.

In 2020, it is predicted that the college campus is shortened and completely demolished.

The maps illustrate the changes

đổi là how the campus has developed

period mới đúng) (tách thằng dự

��


Summarize the information and predict the outline of campus by 2020.

The maps illustrate the changes about college campus after its construction during the per


1978 and 2010. In 2020, the area is expected to be empty.

in the south corner of the college campus, the library was narrowed to



to both IT center and library, and the music center as well as XXX building moved to the



aps illustrate the changes about (to the) college campus after its construction

how the campus has developed) during the period between 1978 and 2020

ằng dự đoán cho 2020 ra).

22

The maps illustrate the changes about college campus after its construction during the period


library was narrowed to



center as well as XXX building moved to the



college campus after its construction (có lẽ nên

the period between 1978 and 2020 (over the



http://fed.edu.vn

At first glance (mình trung thành

với overall/ in conclusion), it is clear that the

trees, the study area and the sport field still

remainedfrom 1978 and 2010

area is expected to be empty. (2)

Between 1978 and 2010, in the south corner

of the college campus (to the … of …

library was narrowed to make a way for IT

center (mình nghĩ nét đứt tức là ch

đâu, kiểu như mới chia lại khu cũ thành 2

phòng nhưng vẫn chưa có

đường), while (cần tách ra) (lúc nãy là

hướng A, giờ là move về đâu đó như

center rồi miêu tả tiếp) the

block consists (diễn đạt) theater and music

center were replaced by science building. In the southwest of the campus, there was an

appearance of new road linking to both IT center and library

nhỉ sao quay lại làm gì), and the music center as well as XXX building moved to the northeast

of the library. In the north of the area, the car park

planted more (diễn đạt). (3) (4)

In 2020, it is predicted that the college campus

and completely demolished.

Important notes:

� (1) sẽ khó mà nói là from … to …

cái mới after the 32-year period

� (2) có lẽ là có con đường mới dẫn

bằng while.

� (3) Nhiều cụm chỉ hướng quá nhỉ?

- There were…

- X had been…

- A new building had…

� (4) Chỗ car park nên là

hoặc chung một phần với

��

(mình trung thành

, it is clear that the

nd the sport field still

(1). In 2020, the

(2)

in the south corner

to the … of …), the

library was narrowed to make a way for IT

ứt tức là chưa có

ới chia lại khu cũ thành 2

ần tách ra) (lúc nãy là

đâu đó như the

theater and music

by science building. In the southwest of the campus, there was an

appearance of new road linking to both IT center and library (khu nào dứt đi

, and the music center as well as XXX building moved to the northeast

he library. In the north of the area, the car park was extended, while all the trees were

(3) (4)

In 2020, it is predicted that the college campus is (nên là would be vì chưa x

from … to … có cái gì không thay đổi, thay vào

year period.

ờng mới dẫn đến IT Center. Và nên nối luôn 2 câu lại

ớng quá nhỉ?

A new building had…

nên là it was extended to the north, có thể nói thêm là gấp mấy lần

ặc chung một phần với 2 new buildings.

23

by science building. In the southwest of the campus, there was an

điểm khu đấy chứ

, and the music center as well as XXX building moved to the northeast

while all the trees were

ưa xảy ra) shortened

ổi, thay vào đó nói về những

ến IT Center. Và nên nối luôn 2 câu lại

ể nói thêm là gấp mấy lần

24



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 2:

The two maps indicate the same campus at a university . One is 1978 and second one is after

the construction of facilities completely.

Looking at the first map in 1978, we can see that there is a huge road conecting to the car

parking and both the theater and music center in the right hand and at the top left hand of the

map is sport field. The library ,which located oppositely with study area , is to the left of the

map below the road.

Moving on the second map after having a construction, we can see the parking area was

extended and exactly beside is the mucsic center standing along with xxx building which is

romoved for theatre center. Instead of music and theater center in 1978 a sience building was

built. One more thing should be noted that alongside of the library there is an IT center was

built and a small street is created to connect with the main road . The study area and sport field

most likely still retain before the construction.

The brief forecast in 2020 is that a path should be made to lead to the among of the buildings

such as from the study area to the library.

Overall, comparing two maps , there are lots of significant changes making more convenience

for students and teachers study and work at the university.

The two maps indicate the same campus at a university. One is 1978 and second one is after

the construction of facilities completely. (1)

Looking at the first map in 1978, we can see that there is a huge road conecting to the car

parking (bổ sung thông tin và dừng câu này ở đây) and both the theater and music center in

the right hand and at the top left hand of the map is sport field (để chỉ hướng thì nên dùng

cái cụm To the South gì đó). The library ,which located oppositely with study area , is to the

left of the map below the road (nên miêu tả về sự thay đổi thay vì liệt kê).

Moving on the second map after having a construction, (sao không nói sau bao nhiêu năm thì

có những thay đổi lớn như thế này như thế kia, lặp lại y chang đoạn trên) we can see the

parking area was extended and exactly beside is the mucsic center standing along with xxx

building which is romoved for theatre center (thế này là quá tham cho 1 câu). Instead of

music and theater center in 1978 a sience building was (nhấn mạnh) built. One more thing

should be noted that alongside of the library there is an IT center was built and a small street is

created to connect with the main road (câu này cũng bị thừa mứa ý) . The study area and

sport field most likely still retain before the construction.



http://fed.edu.vn

The brief forecast in 2020 is that a path should

be made to lead to the among of the buildings

such as from the study area to the library

này là phỏng đoán nên dùng

khỏi such as vì rất chi tiết).

Overall, comparing two maps , there are

significant changes making more convenience

for students and teachers study and work at

the university. (2)

Important notes:

� (1) chưa đúng chuẩn Mở Bài

là về từ dùng cũng nh

gọn và độ bao quát. Ví dụ

chỉ cần 1 câu bản ghi thành 2 câu, có thể sửa thành

� (2) nên đẩy lên ngay sau Mở Bài và l

hình. Như của bạn nói về lợi ích gì

��

The brief forecast in 2020 is that a path should

be made to lead to the among of the buildings

such as from the study area to the library (cái

đoán nên dùng would và

wo maps , there are lots of

significant changes making more convenience

study and work at

ẩn Mở Bài đặc biệt

ề từ dùng cũng như mức độ ngắn

ộ bao quát. Ví dụ đơn giản là

ỉ cần 1 câu bản ghi thành 2 câu, có thể sửa thành in 3 years đâu có sao.

ẩy lên ngay sau Mở Bài và lưu ý rằng không nêu những gì không có trong

ủa bạn nói về lợi ích gì đó là lạc đề.

25

đâu có sao.

ằng không nêu những gì không có trong

Hồ Quang Trung



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 3:

The two given maps present the improvements in the school campus 32 years apart: from 1978

to 2010. Overall, many changes had been made, as new building was built and old building was

upgraded, though plenty of trees remain in the campus’s vicinity

From 1978 to 2010, the car park at the north

times it’s former size. The buildings near the car park remain in their place, but theater center

was made bigger, and was re-

lead to the new sciece building, lying next to them to the west.

Some improvement was made at the south of the campus as well. In 2010, the library share it’s

building the IT centre. A new path is being built to connect this facility to the r

left corner. Only the study area remain the same.

In 2020, it is very likely that a new study area will be constructed, and the path leading to the IT

centre will be completed.

The two given maps present the improvements

in the a school campus 32 years apart: from

1978 to 2010 (1 là thiếu, 2 là mình nghĩ nên

viết theo đúng kiểu after a 32

from… to… and suggestions hay gì

2020). Overall, many changes had been made,

as new building was built and old building

was (có 1 cái mới, 1 cái cũ hay sao mà

dùng was, nếu chỉ có 1 thì cần nói rõ)

upgraded, though plenty of trees remain in the

campus’s vicinity (chi tiết này h

From 1978 to 2010 (phải nêu chính xác là

sau 2010 chứ), the car park at the north

corner of the area was enlarged, about three

times it’s its (dùng initial chắc

hơn) former size. The buildings near the car park remain

their place, but (có cần a/ an/ the

and was re-purposed (sửa với mục

��

given maps present the improvements in the school campus 32 years apart: from 1978


upgraded, though plenty of trees remain in the campus’s vicinity

10, the car park at the north-east corner of the area was enlarged, about three


-purposed as xxx building. The path leading these f

lead to the new sciece building, lying next to them to the west.


building the IT centre. A new path is being built to connect this facility to the r

left corner. Only the study area remain the same.


The two given maps present the improvements

32 years apart: from

ếu, 2 là mình nghĩ nên

after a 32-year period

hay gì đó cho

. Overall, many changes had been made,

as new building was built and old building

ới, 1 cái cũ hay sao mà

ếu chỉ có 1 thì cần nói rõ)

upgraded, though plenty of trees remain in the

ết này hơi linh tinh).

ải nêu chính xác là

, the car park at the north-east

the area was enlarged, about three

ắc ăn điểm

former size. The buildings near the car park remain (bạn định dùng thời gì ở

a/ an/ the hay là nêu tên) theater center was made bigger

ửa với mục đích làm gì) as xxx building. The path leading

26

given maps present the improvements in the school campus 32 years apart: from 1978


east corner of the area was enlarged, about three


purposed as xxx building. The path leading these facilities now


building the IT centre. A new path is being built to connect this facility to the road at the upper-


ịnh dùng thời gì ở đây) in

was made bigger (diễn đạt),

. The path leading to these

27



http://fed.edu.vn

facilities now lead (rất hay chia s/ es tùm lum) (đã nói về QK chưa mà đã dùng HT) to the

new sciece building, lying next to them to the west.

Some improvement was (không nói chung chung) made at the south of the campus as well. In

2010, the library share it’s building the IT centre (câu này vừa cụt vừa chả có ý nghĩa gì). A

new path is being built to connect this facility (lặp) to the road at the upper-left corner. Only the

study area remain (không tôn trọng chuyện chia Động Từ kiểu gì cũng chỉ loanh quanh 5.0-

5.5) the same.


centre will be completed.

Important Notes:

� Đoạn 3 là đoạn lởm khởm nhất còn các Đoạn 2, 4 khá ổn.

� Điểm trừ siêu nặng là lặp từ (thể hiện vốn từ yếu ớt) và chia động từ linh tinh.

Hồ Quang Trung



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 4:

The two drawings illustrate the growth of a campus of college between 1978 a

predict the outline of campus in 2020.

Overall, it is clear that the campus grews as the car park was extended and some buildings were

erected. Over the period shown, the number of trees which covered the campus increased

significantly.

Over these 32 years, to the south of the campus a science building was contructed and then a

small road was built to lead from main road to science building. While theater building was

replace by xxx building, there was not any change at the study area.

students go this college to study to lead car park which is near the xxx building and muzic center

was extended by three time. To the southwest of campus, It center was opened by the way make

the library was narrowed.

By 2020, it is predict that buildings were demolished and tress was chopped down to lead the

campus was disappeared. The college would have plan to build a new campus.

The two drawings illustrate the

là changes thì đổi lại Động Từ nhé)

campus of college (dùng

campus thôi nhé, như đề bài ấy)

1978 and 2010 and predict the outline of

campus in 2020 (muốn sửa cụm này quá mà

đang phân vân chưa biết sao, chỉ nói

giản là mình thấy chưa ổn).

Overall, it is clear that the campus

cực kì nặng) as the car park was extended and

some buildings were erected. Over the period

shown, the number of trees which covered the

campus increased significantly

lớn chứ cây cỏ nói làm gì).

Over these 32 years (cụm

period ổn), to the south of the campus a science building was contructed and then a small road

was built to lead (st) from the

theater building was replace by xxx building,

đạt chưa tốt). Because more and more students go this college to study to lead car park which

��

The two drawings illustrate the growth of a campus of college between 1978 a

predict the outline of campus in 2020.



ese 32 years, to the south of the campus a science building was contructed and then a


replace by xxx building, there was not any change at the study area. Because



hat buildings were demolished and tress was chopped down to lead the


The two drawings illustrate the growth (nếu

ộng Từ nhé) of a

(dùng a college

ề bài ấy) between

predict the outline of

ốn sửa cụm này quá mà

ết sao, chỉ nói đơn

Overall, it is clear that the campus grews (lỗi

as the car park was extended and

some buildings were erected. Over the period

shown, the number of trees which covered the

campus increased significantly (tưởng ý gì

ụm the 32-year

, to the south of the campus a science building was contructed and then a small road

the main road to science (chống lặp bằng this/ the

g was replace by xxx building, there was not any change at the study area

Because more and more students go this college to study to lead car park which

28

The two drawings illustrate the growth of a campus of college between 1978 and 2010 and



ese 32 years, to the south of the campus a science building was contructed and then a


Because more and more



hat buildings were demolished and tress was chopped down to lead the


, to the south of the campus a science building was contructed and then a small road

this/ the) building. While

there was not any change at the study area (diễn

Because more and more students go this college to study to lead car park which

29



http://fed.edu.vn

is near the xxx building and muzic center was extended by three time. To the southwest of

campus, It center was opened by the way make the library was narrowed. (ý có vẻ ổn nhưng

cách viết, nhất là về độ clear là rất kém, mình chưa nhận xét trình độ Ngữ pháp)

By 2020, it is predicted that buildings were demolished and tress was (với mấy lỗi cơ bản lặp

mấy lần như thế này sẽ không bao giờ quá 5.0) chopped down to lead the campus was

disappeared. The college would have plan to build a new campus. (thừa)

Important Notes:

� Bạn cần học kỹ hơn về Task 1 rồi mới nên gửi bài. Còn rất nhiều vấn đề chứng tỏ

bạn chưa học Task 1 cẩn thận. Bọn mình chỉ nhận chữa cho các bạn đã có chút nền

tảng để không mắc quá nhiều lỗi sơ đẳng.

Hồ Quang Trung



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 5:

The provided maps illustrate the differences between the situations of a college campus

and 2010 caused by several reconstruction of some facilities.

As can be seen from the first chart, in 1978, a sport field was built in the southwest of the

campus, besides the road. Located in the middle of the campus is the combination of theatre

centre and music centre adjoining a small car park. All of those facilities were linked to the road

via the two small paths. Besides, a library and a study area were also set in northwest and

northeast of campus respectively.

In terms of the second map, it shows that there were various changes occurred in this campus

after 32 years. At first, it is obvious that the sport field was developed to the outdoor sports

fields. The theatre centre was replaced by the building named XXX and the car park next to it

was also expanded about three times larger to the northeast. It can also be seen that two

of library’s area was reconstructed to be an IT centre and a path connecting this facility to the

road was also planned to be built. In addition, a new science b

road was also constructed on the left of music centre. Some new trees were planted near those

facilities as well.

Overall, after 32 years, there are many replacements and expansions occurred in the campus,

leading to the great change in this area. However, in 2020, this campus is predicted to be

demolished after several years of being used and

developed.

The provided maps illustrate the

between the situations (sự thay

(between làm gì khi đã có 3 n

đồ) of a college campus in 1978 and 2010

by several reconstruction of some

facilities (thằng này thì thừa trong khi mấy cái

cần gợi ý cho 2020 thì lại không nói tới)

As can be seen from the first chart,

đủ thông tin), a sport field was built in the

southwest of the campus, beside

to cho chắc) the road. Located in the middle of

the campus is the combination of theatre centre

��

The provided maps illustrate the differences between the situations of a college campus

and 2010 caused by several reconstruction of some facilities.





northeast of campus respectively.

t shows that there were various changes occurred in this campus



as also expanded about three times larger to the northeast. It can also be seen that two


road was also planned to be built. In addition, a new science building with a linking path to the



great change in this area. However, in 2020, this campus is predicted to be

demolished after several years of being used and

The provided maps illustrate the differences

ự thay đổi chứ)

ã có 3 năm liền trong bản

of a college campus in 1978 and 2010 caused

by several reconstruction of some

ằng này thì thừa trong khi mấy cái

ần gợi ý cho 2020 thì lại không nói tới).

om the first chart, in 1978 (chưa

, a sport field was built in the

southwest of the campus, besides (dùng next

the road. Located in the middle of

the campus is the combination of theatre centre

30

The provided maps illustrate the differences between the situations of a college campus in 1978





t shows that there were various changes occurred in this campus



as also expanded about three times larger to the northeast. It can also be seen that two-third


uilding with a linking path to the



great change in this area. However, in 2020, this campus is predicted to be

31



http://fed.edu.vn

and music centre adjoining a small car park (không biết Ngữ pháp như bạn dùng có ổn

không, bạn có tham khảo nguồn nào thì chỉ cho mình) (nếu là mình thì sẽ viết Located in…,

X building is…). All of those facilities were linked to the road via the two small paths. Besides, a

library and a study area were also set in northwest and northeast (xem lại cách nói về hướng,

vị trí) of the campus respectively (không nghĩ kiểu respectively này ổn).

In terms of the second map (kết hợp chưa ổn), it shows that there were various changes

occurred in this campus after 32 years (nói thế này thì đến 2020 nói thế nào) (có thể

nói 2010 sees/ saw…). At first (mình nghĩ cần dùng Liên Từ khác), it is obvious that the sport

field was developed to the outdoor sports fields (ở đây cần dùng là Nâng Cấp đúng hơn hoặc

dùng cái A’ (thay thế) với nhưng từ kiểu thay thế, được mở rộng,…). The theatre centre was

replaced by the building named XXX (dùng thẳng luôn là XXX Building) and the car park next

to it was also expanded about three times larger to the northeast. It can also be seen that two-

thirds of library’s area was reconstructed to be an IT centre and a path connecting this facility to

the road was also planned to be built (chỗ này tách ra cho 2020). In addition, a new science

building with a linking path to the road was also constructed on the left of (the) music centre.

Some new trees were planted near those facilities as well. (mình nghĩ cây cối chỉ vẽ cho có

thôi nên không nghĩ các chi tiết về cây ăn thua)

Overall, after 32 years, there are many replacements and expansions (chú ý số ít/

nhiều) occurred in the campus site, leading to the great change (various changes và không

có the) in this area. However, in 2020, this campus is predicted to be demolished after several

years of being used and developed.

Important Notes:

� Nhận xét riêng cho câu cuối:

� 1 là câu này đáng lý phải cho vào 1 đoạn dành riêng cho 2020) (overall không nói

cái này được đâu.

� 2 là mình nghĩ bạn hiểu nhầm đề và việc hủy khu vực này nghe rất trừu tượng).

Hồ Quang Trung



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 6:

The diagrams illustrate some changes to the college campus which was developed for the

building of installations between 1978 and 2010.

It is clear that the college field was changed considerably with the construction of facilities and

4 new features can be seen in the secon

number of trees across a 42 – year.

Look at the map in more detail from 1978 to 2010, while the area in the South East corner

maintained unchanged, the sport field in the North West corner was replaced by th

sport fields. While the car park in the North East corner was extended towards the North, the

library in the South West corner was narrowed considerably and this place was added the

information technology center.

As well as the buildings mentione

building, whereas there was constructed the XXX building in the middle of college campus.

There was also a short road linking the outdoor sport fields with the science construction.

In 2020, it is probably that a new Art center

region will be erected.

The diagrams illustrate some

hơn tí cho ăn điểm) changes to

nhắc đến thì dùng a) college campus

was developed for the building of

installations (viết cụm này chả

gì, changes quá đủ rồi) between 1978 and

2010 (lỗi nặng, còn 2020 đâu?)

Overall, it is clear that the college field was

changed considerably with the construction

of facilities and 4 new features

bạn) can be seen in the second map, whereas

there were a remain steady in the number of

trees across a 42 – year (1, mình không ngh

cần nói về cây) (2, cách miêu tả có vẻ rất r

là 32 mới đúng).

��

rate some changes to the college campus which was developed for the

building of installations between 1978 and 2010.


4 new features can be seen in the second map, whereas there were a remain steady in the

year.


maintained unchanged, the sport field in the North West corner was replaced by th



information technology center.

As well as the buildings mentioned above, the theatre of operation replaced by the science



robably that a new Art center

(dùng từ mạnh

changes to the (lần đầu

college campus which

was developed for the building of

ết cụm này chả để làm

between 1978 and

đâu?).

t is clear that the college field was

changed considerably with the construction

facilities and 4 new features (nói cụ thể đi

can be seen in the second map, whereas

a remain steady in the number of

(1, mình không nghĩ là

ần nói về cây) (2, cách miêu tả có vẻ rất rườm rà) (3, over a 42-year period

32

rate some changes to the college campus which was developed for the


d map, whereas there were a remain steady in the


maintained unchanged, the sport field in the North West corner was replaced by the outside



d above, the theatre of operation replaced by the science



year period, mà hình như

33



http://fed.edu.vn


maintained unchanged, the sport field in the North West corner was replaced by the outside

sport fields (3 chỗ gạch chân đâu có cùng Chủ Ngữ) (1). While the car park in the North East

corner was extended towards the North, the library in the South West corner was narrowed

considerably and this place was added the information technology center (Ý 3 khá thừa và nên

tách ra thành câu) (mình luôn nghĩ 1 câu ghép 2 vế với nhau là chuẩn nhất chứ 3 vế thì

quá nhiều).

As well as the buildings mentioned above (tìm cách khác để tiếp cận Đoạn 4), the theatre of

operation (ý bạn là sao) was replaced by the science building, whereas there was constructed

the XXX building(xem lại các câu trúc cơ bản SVO) in the middle of the college campus. (cần

từ nối) There was also a short road linking the outdoor sport fields with the science

construction.

In 2020, it is probably that a new Art center region will be erected (ý road bên trên đáng lý là

phải cho câu này).

Important Notes:

� (1) Khi viết câu ghép/ phức/ mixed, bạn cần chú ý Chủ Ngữ thống nhất hoặc không

cho các vế câu có mặt. Lỗi này có thể khiến bạn bị mất điểm nghiêm trọng.

Hồ Quang Trung



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 7:

The maps illustrate the transformations of a college campus over a period of 42 y

1978 to 2020

overall, it is clear from the maps that from 1978 to 2010 the campus be came more modern with

far more places for supporting study.

During the period between 1978 and 2010, the study area and music centre remained

unchanged. The library in the south w est corner was narrowed to make away for IT centre,

while the car park became much larger to the north corner.

The xxx building next to the car park appeared, while the theater centre was replaced by the

science buiding. To the west corn

Additionally, the campus had more green areas. .

To 2020, it is forecast that it would be narrowed and exist only places for study.

The maps illustrate

the transformations (changes

college campus over a period of 42 years

from 1978 to 2020.

Overall, it is clear from the maps

from 1978 to 2010 the campus

came (dùng từ thế này đây)

with far more places for supporting

study (nên nói cụ thể hơn chút)

During the period between 1978 and

2010 (xem lại cụm này vì cả 2

đều dùng 1978 và 2010) (thay v

đoạn 1), the study area and music centre

remained unchanged. The library in the

south w est corner was narrowed to

away (make ways hay a way)

nhưng mình nghĩ cứ nói thẳng là

north corner.

The xxx building next to the car park appeared

replaced by the science buiding

��

The maps illustrate the transformations of a college campus over a period of 42 y


far more places for supporting study.


ary in the south w est corner was narrowed to make away for IT centre,

while the car park became much larger to the north corner.


science buiding. To the west corner, the sport field was converted into outdoor sports field.

Additionally, the campus had more green areas. .


The maps illustrate

nhé) of a

ege campus over a period of 42 years

from the maps (thừa) that

from 1978 to 2010 the campus be

đây) more modern

with far more places for supporting

ơn chút).

During the period between 1978 and

ại cụm này vì cả 2 đoạn bạn

ều dùng 1978 và 2010) (thay vì từng giai

, the study area and music centre

remained unchanged. The library in the

south w est corner was narrowed to make

) for IT centre, while the car park became (bạn hay dùng

ứ nói thẳng là được cải tạo, nâng cấp, sửa chữa)

The xxx building next to the car park appeared (mốc thời gian), while the theater centre was

replaced by the science buiding (có phải at the same time). To the west corner, the sport field

34

The maps illustrate the transformations of a college campus over a period of 42 years from



ary in the south w est corner was narrowed to make away for IT centre,


er, the sport field was converted into outdoor sports field.


ạn hay dùng become

much larger to the

, while the theater centre was

. To the west corner, the sport field

35



http://fed.edu.vn

was converted into outdoor sports field. Additionally, the campus had more green areas (mình

không đồng ý lắm với vụ cây).

To 2020, it is forecast that it would be narrowed and exist only places for study. (chỗ gạch nối

là sẽ xây thêm) (xem lại cách miêu tả dự đoán của Simon)

Hồ Quang Trung

36



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 8:

The maps illustrate the infrastructure arrangement of college campus in 1978 and essential

changes made to that setting by 2010.

In 2010, the facility organization basically remained the same except for a few extensions and

new constructions. One of he most noticeable renewals was the car park which nearly tripled in

size compared with that in 1978. In addition, the library was the only building that was

narrowed to allow half the space for the function of an IT center on its left. Meanwhile, a third

path newly led from the main road to the cluster of library and IT center. Although the theatre

center must gave way to XXX building, the music center stood still. Outstandingly, the campus

was greatly improved with the integration of a science building next to the XXX and music

center. They even filled the place with more trees in 2010.

It is expected that in 2020, the whole land of campus will be enlarged and it should be upgraded

to meet many other demands of students such as a laboratory, a canteen and a heath care

center.

The maps illustrate the infrastructure arrangement of college campus in 1978 and essential

changes made to that setting by 2010.

–> câu đầu tiên vừa rối vừa dài dòng. Bạn chỉ cần paraphrase lại câu đề bài trên thôi. Theo mình

bạn nên sửa như sau:

The two diagrams illustrate the infrastructural changes to a college campus over the period

from 1978 to 2010.

In 2010 (thế này sao thể hiện được sự so sánh giữa 2010 và năm 1978?), the facility

organization basically remained the same except for a few extensions and

new constructions(đây là uncountable noun nhé, bạn nên thay bằg từ buildings).

==> Overall/ In general, the facility…………………………………………………….new buildings during 32

years.

Dù sửa rôi mình vẫn thấy không ổn. Bạn đọc đề bài không kĩ chăng? người ta cho đề bài đã có

hàm ý muốn bạn cho số liệu chứng minh sự thay đổi và phát triển qua những năm qua mà! Mình

nghĩ bạn nên xem lại.

One of the most noticeable renewals was the car park which nearly tripled in size compared

with that in 1978.

–>Câu này lủng củng quá. Nên sửa thành

One of the most noticeable renewals was that the car park in 2010 nearly tripled in size

compared with that in 1978.



http://fed.edu.vn

In addition, the library was the only building

that was narrowed to allow half the space

for the function of an IT center on its left

==> In addition, the library was just one

third as large as it had been in 1978

make room for an IT center on

Meanwhile, a third path newly

main road to the cluster of library and IT

center.

==> Mw, another new path was made to

lead from the main road to the IT center.

Although the theatre center must

XXX building, the music center

While the theatre center gave way to XXX

building, the music center remained

unchanged.

Outstandingly, the campus was greatly improved with the

to the XXX and music center.

Minhf ko hiểu sao bạn lại dùng t

They even filled the place with more trees in 2010.

==> Nên dùng bị động để bài viết mang tính khách quan h

Also, more trees were planted in the campus in 2010 than in 1978.

It is expected that in 2020, the whole land of campus will be enlarged and it should be

upgraded to meet many other

demands) such as a laboratory, a canteen and a

Important notes:

– bài viết không mạch lạc

– còn mắc những lỗi sai không

– Cá nhân mình thì thấy đề bài bày tỏ rất rõ 2

qua từ 1978-2010. Tóm tắt những

Mình đồng ý với việc bạn viết dự

– lỗi về word choice

– bài này chắc cũng chỉ ở band 5.0

��

In addition, the library was the only building

to allow half the space

for the function of an IT center on its left.

was just one

as large as it had been in 1978 to

make room for an IT center on its left side.

newly led from the

main road to the cluster of library and IT

new path was made to

lead from the main road to the IT center.

must gave way to

er stood still.

While the theatre center gave way to XXX

the music center remained

Outstandingly, the campus was greatly improved with the integrationof a science building next

ng từ integration, bạn nên tra lại oxford từ này.

They even filled the place with more trees in 2010.

ể bài viết mang tính khách quan hơn.

were planted in the campus in 2010 than in 1978.

the whole land of campus will be enlarged and it should be

other (không cần thiết) demands of students (==> meet students’

such as a laboratory, a canteen and a heath(lỗi chính tả) care center.

đáng có

ề bài bày tỏ rất rõ 2 ý: 1. So sánh để thấy sự phát triển trong 32 n

ắt những điểm nổi bật. 2. Dự đoán xem 2020 sẽ thay

ệc bạn viết dự đoán ở câu kết

ở band 5.0-5.5

37

of a science building next

the whole land of campus will be enlarged and it should be

demands of students (==> meet students’

care center.

ể thấy sự phát triển trong 32 năm

ẽ thay đổi như thế nào.

38



http://fed.edu.vn

TASK�2TASK�2TASK�2TASK�2��

39



http://fed.edu.vn


Đề luyện tập IELTS WRITING TASK 2 tuần 1 được lấy từ đề thi của Singapore trong tháng

1/2015.

Đề bài:

Most leaders or directors generally belong to an older age group, but some people believe

that young leaders are better. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own

opinion.

Bài 1:

The leaders, whether in a large or small organization, then play a very important role. Becoming

a strong leader is not only requiring knowledge and quality but also experience. Some people

think young people can handle this position better than an older age group, but in my opinion, I

strongly believe that it is not incidental that most directors generally belong to old people.

The first disadvantage of young leaders can be seen by everyone is the lack of experience. Their

knowledge is mainly from school, universisty, or what they learn after few years working under

another’s direction. Unlike old people who have already been through a lot of challenge, bad

circumstance or difficult situation, young people easily become unnerved when meet the

trouble and make wrong decision. Lacking experience is also unallowed young leaders to find

the solution for their problem, and for that reason, it is hard for them to receive the respect and

belief from the members.

Another reason accounting for why the director position is not suitable for young generation is

they are usually hasty, impatient and egoistic. Before making any decision, a person at the top

has to consider everything very carefully and puts the interest of the group before his own. If

they only think about themselves or recklessly make a decision, they can caused a real disaster

for their organization. Therefore those characteristics are absolutely unacceptable and become

the biggest disadvantage of young leaders.

Some critics might object here that with the creativeness and confident, young people can bring

a lot of fresh ideas and solve the problem in their own ways that the old one can not do. They

completely forget that not every problems can be solved by “fresh ideas”, such as economic

crisis, finance, military or terrorist. Just one wrong decision can create a huge impact for the

group, the organization or even on the country. Fresh idea is good, but it need time for testing



http://fed.edu.vn

and completing. Experience, knowledge and

matuarity that old people possessing are more

important and essential for leading position.

Taking everything into considerati

that old people have more advantages to

become good leaders than young people.

Mình chữa đoạn Introduction và Conclusion

thôi nhé. Viết quá dài mình chữa không nổi.

The (bỏ) leaders, whether in a large or small

organization (chỉ có

organization thôi à), then (th

important role (nhiều leaders

chưa ổn). Becoming a strong leader

requiring knowledge and quality but also

experience (một là cụm này viết không tốt) (hai là câu này lạc

young (lưu ý nhé, dùng chung chung không

có đề cập position không mà có

my opinion, I strongly believe that

generally belong to old people

tung: but in my opinion it seems to me that…

lý do luôn).

Taking everything into consideration,

advantages to become good leade

làm hộ đâu: việc tham gia quản lý của ng

của người già và vì vậy việc đó không nên b

Important Notes:

� Đề này không hề dễ, mà lại còn phải chọn

ngay từ Introduction

essay will discuss both views

� Gợi ý cho câu cuối có thể cắt làm 2 hoặc viết thành 1 câu thì tùy. Câu của bạn ch

bao quát được vấn đề nêu ra ở

ít nhất là 1 fact, 1 suggestion

��

and completing. Experience, knowledge and

matuarity that old people possessing are more

important and essential for leading position.

Taking everything into consideration, I believe

that old people have more advantages to

become good leaders than young people.

ạn Introduction và Conclusion

ết quá dài mình chữa không nổi.

leaders, whether in a large or small

mỗi thằng

(thừa) play a very

leaders mà play a role,

. Becoming a strong leader is not only

requiring knowledge and quality but also

ột là cụm này viết không tốt) (hai là câu này lạc đề). Some people think

ý nhé, dùng chung chung không được) people can handle this position

không mà có this) better than an older age group (diễn

my opinion, I strongly believe that (chọn 1 trong 2 thôi) it is not incidental that most directors

generally belong to old people (học theo Simon có vẻ ổn, tuy rằng áp dụng khá lung

but in my opinion it seems to me that…, gì đó đại khái thích old hay

Taking everything into consideration, (In conclusion) I believe thatold people have more

advantages to become good leaders than young people (gợi ý nhé, các bạn sau mình không

ệc tham gia quản lý của người trẻ là việc cần thiết bên cạnh

đó không nên bị xem nhẹ).

ề này không hề dễ, mà lại còn phải chọn 1 trong 2 rồi give your opinion

ừ Introduction đã phải có từ và ý ổn ngay rồi chứ không thể ch

essay will discuss both views.

ợi ý cho câu cuối có thể cắt làm 2 hoặc viết thành 1 câu thì tùy. Câu của bạn ch

ề nêu ra ở đề. Ở đây tốt nhất nên đề cập vai trò của cả hai hoặc

suggestion.

40

. Some people think that

this position (bên trên

ễn đạt trùng), but in

it is not incidental that most directors

ổn, tuy rằng áp dụng khá lung

hay young thì viết rõ

old people have more

ợi ý nhé, các bạn sau mình không

ời trẻ là việc cần thiết bên cạnh đức tính ABC

give your opinion thành thử

ải có từ và ý ổn ngay rồi chứ không thể chơi kiểu This

ợi ý cho câu cuối có thể cắt làm 2 hoặc viết thành 1 câu thì tùy. Câu của bạn chưa

ề cập vai trò của cả hai hoặc

41



http://fed.edu.vn

� 3 đoạn giữa mình đọc lướt thì thấy rằng bạn sai khá nhiều các lỗi về s/ es hoặc a/

an/ the (và chi chít các lỗi khác như every problems haycan caused) cũng như rất

hay viết những cụm để giữa các cặp dấu phẩy như kiểu bổ sung thông tin trong khi

việc này là hoàn toàn không cần thiết và có thể khiến câu của bạn bị mắc lỗi run-

on.

Hồ Quang Trung

WEEK�2WEEK�2WEEK�2WEEK�2��

ĐỀ BÀI:

Some people think that the age limit for driving should be increased in order to make

driving safer. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Bài 1:

As is shown by recent statistic, the number of accidents caused by cars or other vehicles have

dramatical increased over the world. That is the reason why people these days consider this

issue as the most concerning mater and many of them argued that governments had better rise

42



http://fed.edu.vn

the age restriction for drivers. Personally, i completely do not agree with the idea for several

reasons.

To begin with, the awareness of a person plays a key role in the response to whether or not the

whole community are safe . As a matter of fact, drivers , regardless of their ages , would

probably create extreme mistakes in driving if they loose their concentration. In addition, young

generations today have not only been well-educated about traffic regulations, but also obeyed

them strictly . In contrast, adults have gradually forgotten the responsibility of a good driver in

recent years. For example, they drive when they are drunk or even when they can not meet the

basic requirement on health.

Another argument against those who support increasing age limit is that reducing the level of

legal driver who are mature enough to drive is not a efficient method to prevent traffic

problems. The evidence is that some young people who are lack of taking care from their

parents and schools , even if they reach the request age or not, can totally borrow or steal cars

to use for their private purposes. Hence , some people think that it is important for governments

to impose more punishments for traffic-law breakers and reinforce police forces instead of

increasing the age limit for driving .

In conclusion, making safe ways is the most popular concern among society nowadays.

Therefore I believe that educating children about traffic and increase sentences are the most

optimal solutions.

As is shown by recent statistic, the number of accidents caused by cars or other (kinds

of) vehicles have dramatically increased over the world (ý bạn là all over the world hay over a

period of time nào đó?). That is the reason why people these days consider this issue as the

most concerning mater and many of them (dùng cấu trúc phổ biến đi, When it comes to…,

some…) argued that governments had better rise the age restriction for drivers (lỗi khá nặng,

xem chú thích). Personally, i completely do not agree with the idea (of, nên nói rõ ra luôn) for

several reasons.

To begin with, the awareness of a person plays a key role in the response to whether or

not (diễn đạt) the whole community are (mình sẽ dùng là is, hoặc chọn safety

of) safe (tưởng đề này là về traffic chứ nhỉ, thấy có vẻ hơi rộng). As a matter of fact, drivers

(chấm phẩy và cách đàng hoàng, không viết rời), regardless of their ages , would probably

create extreme mistakes in driving if they loose their concentration (bạn cần nói thẳng

là younger drivers tend to… sẽ thuyết phục hơn) (mặc dù vậy, mình nghĩ Câu 1 không

mạnh hoặc lạc đề nên ý Câu 2 sẽ bị ảnh hưởng, thiếu chặt chẽ). In addition, young



http://fed.edu.vn

generations today have not only been well

educated about traffic regulations, but also

obeyed (dùng HTĐ là được) (ý này và ý Câu

2 có liên hệ gì?) them strictly . In contrast,

adults have gradually forgotten the

responsibility of a good driver

years (dùng cụm này liệu có hợp lý không

nếu đây là a matter of fact?) (chưa k

cục của đoạn này không ổn)

they drive when they are drunk or even when

they can not meet the basic requirement on

health.

Another argument against tho

support (hành động, quan

to/ of) increasing age limit is that reducing

level of legal driver who are mature enough to drive

method to prevent traffic problems. The evidence is that some young peop

nặng) of taking care from their parents and schools , even if they reach the request age or not,

can totally borrow or steal cars to use for their private purposes

thuyết phục vì nếu họ làm vậy là phạm pháp, lại

không có ví dụ đi kèm?). Hence , some people think that it is important for governments

to impose more punishments

traffic-law breakers and reinforce police force

driving (lặp).

In conclusion, making safe ways is the

community thì được) nowadays. Therefore

increase sentences are the most optimal solutions.

Important Notes:

� Lỗi 1: rise và raise liên quan t

nếu cần handout bài này, tặng free.

� Lỗi 2: Mình không chắc về

này, Discuss whether you feel that the minimum driving age should be raise to 18.

��

generations today have not only been well-

educated about traffic regulations, but also

ợc) (ý này và ý Câu

them strictly . In contrast,

adults have gradually forgotten the

responsibility of a good driver in recent

ụm này liệu có hợp lý không

?) (chưa kể, bố

ạn này không ổn). For example,

they drive when they are drunk or even when

they can not meet the basic requirement on

Another argument against those who

ộng, quan điểm as

increasing age limit is that reducing the

level of legal driver who are mature enough to drive (diễn đạt lủng củng)

method to prevent traffic problems. The evidence is that some young peop

of taking care from their parents and schools , even if they reach the request age or not,

can totally borrow or steal cars to use for their private purposes (quá dài) (ý này không

ết phục vì nếu họ làm vậy là phạm pháp, lại sang một vấn đề khác rồi) (chỗ n

. Hence , some people think that it is important for governments

(cụm này hay nhưng nên thêm một Tính Từ vào giữa)

law breakers and reinforce police forces instead of increasing the age limit for

In conclusion, making safe ways is the most popular concern among society

nowadays. Therefore, I believe that educating children about traffic and

e the most optimal solutions.

liên quan tới Nội và Ngoại Động Từ, liên hệ mình trên Facebook

ếu cần handout bài này, tặng free.

ỗi 2: Mình không chắc về age restriction for drivers nhưng search ra c

ether you feel that the minimum driving age should be raise to 18.

43

ạt lủng củng) is not a efficient

method to prevent traffic problems. The evidence is that some young people who are lack (lỗi

of taking care from their parents and schools , even if they reach the request age or not,

(quá dài) (ý này không

ề khác rồi) (chỗ này cùng

. Hence , some people think that it is important for governments

ột Tính Từ vào giữa) for

s instead of increasing the age limit for

most popular concern among society (among the

I believe that educating children about traffic and

ộng Từ, liên hệ mình trên Facebook

nhưng search ra cụm

ether you feel that the minimum driving age should be raise to 18.

44



http://fed.edu.vn

� Đọc câu đầu tiên của Đoạn Mở Bài, mình lại nghĩ sẽ dùng câu đó cho một argument

đoạn kế. Thường mình sẽ mở bài bằng câu đơn giản, The issue of … is a

controversial one. Thêm gì như bạn thì thêm sau, kiểu một vế sau phẩy bổ sung.

� Đoạn Mở Đầu ổn, trừ lỗi diễn đạt đã chỉ ra. Nhưng sang Đoạn 1 thì mình tạm hiểu

là bạn nói cả già cả trẻ về sự bất cẩn khi lái xe nhưng lưu ý:

1 là, bạn nên dùng bố cục Câu TS – Ý 1 + VD – Ý 2 + VD thay vì viết tới 3 ý rất dễ

loạn.

2 là mình nghĩ bạn chọn nói về 1 trong 2 thôi. Đoạn 1 nói về trẻ + advantages còn

Đoạn 2 nói về trẻ + disadvantages sau đó là Đoạn Kết Luận.

� Đoạn 2 rõ ý của Câu TS nhưng 2 ý sau mình chả hiểu gì.

� Từ cả bài bạn dùng tốt, một số chỗ nên sửa để phù hợp. Nhìn chung về Lexical, bạn

hoàn toàn có thể đạt 7.0-7.5 nếu sửa kỹ lưỡng các lỗi (còn trong bài gốc chỉ 6.5 đổ

lại). Nhưng nếu chấm về Task Response chắc chả được điểm nào ngoài 2 câu TS

(câu của Đoạn 1 chưa ổn nhưng tạm coi là biết cách viết), các câu đi sau để hỗ trợ

hỏng hết. Cách bạn sắp xếp ý và viết các câu hỗ trợ chứng tỏ một điều là bạn chưa

viết Đoạn nhiều.

� Kết Luận: Câu 1 chả liên quan. Câu 2 là câu chém gió nên tùy bạn nhưng cũng nên

hướng vào vấn đề tuổi.

� Về Coherence and Cohesion kém (do Task Response loạn) nên cũng chả biết nói

sao về tiêu chí Grammar.

Hồ Quang Trung

Bài 3:

It is argued that raising the minimum age for young commuters is the most effective way to

ensure the road safety. While I accept that this policy is good in some ways, I believe that there

are better methods that could be taken to reduce traffic accidents.

On the one hand, there are several benefits of increasing driving age among teenagers. Firstly,

raising the minimum age lessens the amount of drivers and this partially ease the traffic

congestion at the peak hour. In addition, emissions from cars and motorbikes might be reduced,

which make the air become less polluted and harmful to human’s health. Secondly, when people

are young, they are usually less mature and responsible with their manners, so they tend to

45



http://fed.edu.vn

break the laws and cause many accidents. As a result, it is reasonable to deter them from

commuting by cars or motorbikes.

However, I would argue that there are better measures or methods to increase the safety of the

road. The first solution is to impose stricter punishments for driving offenders. For those who

involve in breaking the traffic rules have to pay a larger amount of money or in the worst case,

they can be temporarily banned from driving. This will make people to have respects to follow

the rules. Another solution is that the government should encourage people to use public

transport instead of private vehicles. This can be done by improving the bus system to make it

more convenient to bus users and providing affordable charge for them.

In conclusion, despite benefits of this policy, I believe that there are more effective solutions to

the safety of the road.

It is argued that raising the minimum age for young commuters is the most effective way to

ensure the road safety (mình nghĩ nên chọn Động Từ khác hoặc chuyển thành regarding

road safety…). While I accept that this policy is good (dùng từ khác hay hơn) in some ways,

I also believe that there are better methods that could be taken to reduce traffic

accidents (dùng cụm này có sợ đối nghĩa với cụm gạch chân bên trên không, theo mình

nghĩ nên tiết kiệm từ cho 2 đoạn sau bằng cách dùng the issue hay gì đó).



http://fed.edu.vn

On the one hand, there are several benefits of

increasing driving age(tối thiểu)

teenagers (dùng cụm này có thể bị hiểu

nhầm) (dùng for the young

ổn, teenagers có nhiều đối t

Firstly, raising the minimum age

là one of the obvious advantages of… is

that) lessens the amount of drivers

sự liên hệ giữa số người với giờ cao

ví dụ người trẻ hay đi làm đi h

này) and this partially ease

congestion at the peak hour (nên gi

chỗ and, thay bằng therefore

addition, emissions from cars and motorbikes

might be reduced, which make the air become

less polluted and harmful to human’s health

tưởng đây là Ý 2) (câu này có l

là câu ghép và đủ dài để xong 1 ý lớn)

mature and responsible with their manners, so they tend to break the laws and cause many

accidents (câu này viết dài quá, tầm 6.0) (

to gì đó) (và vì thế mà kéo theo t

from commuting (không chắc cụm này ổn)

này nên viết, vì thế cần phải có 1 luật quy

gì đó như tỉ lệ tai nạn theo tuổi)

However, I would argue that there are

rồi) to increase (bài này đã

road nào) (making roads safter

punishments for driving offenders

who involve in breaking the traffic rules have to pay a larger amount of money or in the worst

case, they can be temporarily banne

follow the rules (sao bạn

Another solution (lặp) is that the government should encourage people to use public transport

instead of private vehicles. This can be done by improving the bus system to make it more

convenient to bus users and providing

��

On the one hand, there are several benefits of

ối thiểu) among

ụm này có thể bị hiểu

for the young là

ối tượng quá).

raising the minimum age (có thể nói

one of the obvious advantages of… is

the amount of drivers (phải có

ời với giờ cao điểm,

đi làm đi học vào giờ

and this partially eases the traffic

(nên giải thích ở

therefore chả hạn). In

addition, emissions from cars and motorbikes

d, which make the air become

less polluted and harmful to human’s health (dùng Liên Từ chưa chuẩn, dễ làm ng

Ý 2) (câu này có lẽ là hơi lạc đề) (phát triển câu trước đó là đ

ể xong 1 ý lớn). Secondly, when people are young, they are usually less


ết dài quá, tầm 6.0) (there is a tendency that those aged under … tend

o theo tỉ lệ tai nạn cao). As a result, it is reasonable to

ắc cụm này ổn) by cars ormotorbikes (cái sau thì h

ết, vì thế cần phải có 1 luật quy định tuổi phù hợp tham gia giao thông dựa theo

ỉ lệ tai nạn theo tuổi).

However, I would argue that there are better (lặp) measures or methods

ã dùng khá nhiều từ tăng/ giảm) the safety of the road

making roads safter như bên trên là ổn). The first solution is to impose stricter

punishments for driving offenders (mình không nghĩ Đoạn 2 nên viết về Solutions


case, they can be temporarily banned from driving. This will make people to have respects to

ạn không dùng cụm này: raise public awareness of)

is that the government should encourage people to use public transport

his can be done by improving the bus system to make it more

convenient to bus users and providing affordable charge (chưa hiểu ý đồ?) for them.

46

ẩn, dễ làm người khác

đó là đủ rồi vì câu đó

ly, when people are young, they are usually less


there is a tendency that those aged under … tend

. As a result, it is reasonable todeter them

(cái sau thì hơi quá) (chỗ

ịnh tuổi phù hợp tham gia giao thông dựa theo

or methods (1 từ đủ

the safety of the road (the

st solution is to impose stricter

Solutions). For those


This will make people to have respects to

raise public awareness of).

is that the government should encourage people to use public transport

his can be done by improving the bus system to make it more

for them.

47



http://fed.edu.vn

In conclusion, despite benefits (lặp) of this policy, I believe that there are more effective

solutions to (thiếu Động Từ) the safety of the road (lặp).

Important Notes:

� Ở Đoạn 1 chỗ mình nhắc về sự liên hệ là như thế này, Luật cấm sẽ giúp giảm số lượng

xe cộ lưu thông, đặc biệt là giới trẻ, những người trực tiếp ảnh hưởng…, và qua đó làm

giảm tắc đường giờ cao điểm. Câu ban đầu của bạn mình nghĩ chỉ dùng and thì chưa

đủ hiệu quả liên kết (như bạn mong đợi).

� Mình nghĩ Đoạn 2 đã bị lạc đề.

Hồ Quang Trung

48



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 4:

The age limit for driving is nowadays a problem that the government seriously cares about.

Some people argue that it should be increased to make the society safer, some do not. In my

opinion, I agree with all both statements but in some extent.

We are all aware that the life average of expectancy is increasing over the decades. The cause is

because of better systems in health care, and high income. We are inevitably in a good

condition to drive and therefore have some upsides attached. For example, with people drive

transports as making a living, they earn more money; with retirees, they can plan to travel

without the dependence in their relatives at all. Because of that, it makes our life more

comfortable with liberty and happiness. As the consequence, I believe that increasing age-

driving is good for us in some cases.

I want to argue that there are also some drawbacks when lengthening the range of the age for

driving too. We can not deny that as we grow, as we age, the flexibility to encounter dangerous

circumstances falls out. In some special situations, we are beyond of abilities to solve problems

and less safe in transport, especially when using high-speed vehicles such as cars. Furthermore,

it makes the transportation busy and might put more responsibilities on the government.

In conclusion, we should make right laws to limit the age for driving with different ages which

in synch with different kind of vehicles or the government can invest more money in public

transport and encourage people to use it. These solutions help make our society safer but

narrower.



http://fed.edu.vn

The age limit for driving (cần đ

nhảy vào age) is nowadays (cho

seriously cares about (tập trung phát triển chỗ

Some people argue that it should be increased to make the society safer, some do not.

opinion, I agree with all both statements but in some extent.


because of better systems in health care, and high income.


transports as making a living, they earn more money; with retirees, they can plan


comfortable with liberty and happiness.

driving is good for us in some cases.

I want to argue that there are also some drawbacks when

driving too (cụm chưa ổn). We can not deny that as we grow,

to encounter dangerous circumstances falls out

lắm!). In some special situations, we are beyond of abilities to solve problems and less safe in

transport, especially when using high

transportation busy and might put more responsibilities

In conclusion, we should make right laws

đạt chưa tốt) to limit the minimum

driving with different ages which

different kind of vehicles or the government can

invest more money in public

encourage people to use it (đơn gi

đề) (nếu chọn A hơn B thì ở

nếu chọn Agree ở đây cũng tuyên bố lại 1 câu,

không hơn). These solutions help make our

society safer but narrower (thích solutions/

suggestions thì cho hết sang câu sau)

Important Notes:

� Vừa đọc đoạn đầu đã th

mình sửa cụ thể hơn. M

��

đề cập yếu tố của đề bài, road safety, sau đó tr

(cho từ này lên đầu hoặc cuối) a problem that the government

ập trung phát triển chỗ a problem sẽ hay hơn là thêm c

people argue that it should be increased to make the society safer, some do not.

statements but in some extent.


better systems in health care, and high income. We are inevitably in a good


transports as making a living, they earn more money; with retirees, they can plan


comfortable with liberty and happiness. As the consequence, I believe that increasing age

good for us in some cases. (Lạc Đề rồi!)

argue that there are also some drawbacks when lengthening the range of the age for

. We can not deny that as we grow, as we age (run

to encounter dangerous circumstances falls out (cụm này hơi cao siêu m

In some special situations, we are beyond of abilities to solve problems and less safe in

transport, especially when using high-speed vehicles such as cars. Furthermore, it makes the

transportation busy and might put more responsibilities on the government.

we should make right laws (diễn

minimum age for

with different ages which in synch with

different kind of vehicles or the government can

invest more money in public transport and

(đơn giản hóa vấn

ở đây nói y chang,

ũng tuyên bố lại 1 câu,

. These solutions help make our

(thích solutions/

ết sang câu sau).

ã thấy sai rồi. Tí

ơn. Mấy hôm nay

49

sau đó trong câu sau mới

that the government

ơn là thêm cụm trên).

people argue that it should be increased to make the society safer, some do not. In my


We are inevitably in a good


transports as making a living, they earn more money; with retirees, they can plan to travel


consequence, I believe that increasing age-

the range of the age for

(run-on), the flexibility

ơi cao siêu mình chưa hiểu ý

In some special situations, we are beyond of abilities to solve problems and less safe in

Furthermore, it makes the

the government. (tiếp tục Lạc Đề)

50



http://fed.edu.vn

đang bận quá!

Gợi ý 1: a serious problem among youngsters (xem bài của Hạt Đậu).

� Đoạn Kết Luận:

Câu 1 lặp lại câu chốt của Đoạn Mở Bài.

Câu 2 thích phét lác gì thì vô tư nếu còn thừa thời gian.

� Mình nghĩ bạn biết cách dùng từ và nhìn qua cách bạn đặt câu mình cũng thấy

trình độ ngữ pháp của bạn khá tốt. Tuy nhiên, bạn nên quay trở lại học viết Đoạn

trước rồi mới viết thẳng vào viết Luận.

Hồ Quang Trung

51



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 5:

There is a suggestion that the age allowed to drive a car should be raised with a view to make

driving less dangerous. While I accept that this may suit many people, I believe that safety on

the street might not be affected by the age of drivers.

On the one hand, there is a variety of reasons why government should allow people of higher

age groups to drive a vehicle. One reason is that youngsters are not mature enough to take

responsibility for not only their lives but also the lives of people surrounding them. As a result,

they might cause accidents by breaking several traffic laws such as consuming alcohol and

jumping traffic lights. Furthermore, experienced drivers tend to be calmer and be able to

dealing with difficult problems that occur on road. When it comes to collisions, if the drivers are

childish and irritable, there could be fights between them, which might lead to congestion and

other following accidents.

On the other hand, the act of raising age limit might not be effective enough to secure the safety

of drivers. Firstly, this action might encourage young people to use cars without a valid driving

licence. These people are not equipped with knowledge about laws and usage of vehicles, which

could bring out more dangerous problems on the street. Secondly, young people could have

better visibility so that they are less likely to cause a car crash. In contrast, the older group’s eye

sight might be poorer and they, for example, can miss a road sign and drive into a constructed

road, which may cost these drivers their lives.

In conclusion, that the minimum level of driving age should be increased may benefit to some

extent, but this is by no means the most efficient way to make driving safer.

There is a suggestion that the age allowed to drive a car (dùng các cụm từ các bạn bên trên

dùng) should be raised (mình nghĩ Động Từ này không ổn) with a view to make driving less

dangerous (in order to/ with the purpose of) (make/ making roads safer) (tự nghĩ tiếp nhé

mình có vài cụm dùng loanh quanh thôi). While I accept that this may suit many people, I

believe that safety on the street might not be affected by the age of drivers. (ý và cách viết tạm

được nhưng dùng từ/ cụm từ chưa ổn)



http://fed.edu.vn

On the one hand, there is a variety of reasons why government shou

age groups to drive a vehicle (vi

is that (The first reason is that

not only their lives but also the lives

là nâng cao quan điểm) (gợi ý bạn 3 từ khóa gõ Google xem có cụm nào thay vào

không: driving + ability + cognitive

several traffic laws such as consuming alcohol and jumping traffic

có thể như vậy) (1). Furthermore, experienced drivers

with difficult problems that occur on road


other following accidents (3).

On the other hand, the act of raising age limit might not be effective

không?) to secure the safety of dr

cars without a valid driving licence. These

and usage of vehicles, which could bring out more dangerous problems on the

street. (4) Secondly, young people could have better visibility so that they are less likely to

cause a car crash. In contrast, the older group’s eye sight might be poorer and they, for example,

can miss a road sign and drive into a constructed road, which may

In conclusion, that the minimum level

driving age should be increased may benefit to

some extent, but this is by no means the most

efficient way to make driving safer.

Important Notes:

� Đoạn Mở Bài cần theo 1 phong cách

chốt thống nhất, ví

viết: Personally, I support the view

that job satisfaction and a sense of

fulfillment are much more important

than money. Bạn có thể thay bằng

don’t agree because gì

thì: Personally, I believe that both

criteria should be given

��

a variety of reasons why government should allow people of higher

(viết thẳng là limit age của người trẻ đi cho nhanh)

The first reason is that) youngsters are not mature enough to take responsibility for

not only their lives but also the lives of people surrounding them (viết thế này 1 là lan man 2

ểm) (gợi ý bạn 3 từ khóa gõ Google xem có cụm nào thay vào

driving + ability + cognitive) . As a result, they might cause accidents by breaking

as consuming alcohol and jumping traffic lights (không

. Furthermore, experienced drivers tend to be calmer and be able to dealing

with difficult problems that occur on road (2). When it comes to collisions, if the drivers


On the other hand, the act of raising age limit might not be effective enough

to secure the safety of drivers. Firstly, this action might encourage young people to use

cars without a valid driving licence. These people are not equipped with knowledge about laws


young people could have better visibility so that they are less likely to


can miss a road sign and drive into a constructed road, which may cost these driver

In conclusion, that the minimum level of

driving age should be increased may benefit to

some extent, but this is by no means the most

efficient way to make driving safer.

ạn Mở Bài cần theo 1 phong cách

ốt thống nhất, ví dụ Simon sẽ

Personally, I support the view

that job satisfaction and a sense of

fulfillment are much more important

ạn có thể thay bằng I

gì đó. Trung lập

Personally, I believe that both

criteria should be given equal

52

allow people of higher

đi cho nhanh). One reason

youngsters are not mature enough to take responsibility for

ết thế này 1 là lan man 2

ểm) (gợi ý bạn 3 từ khóa gõ Google xem có cụm nào thay vào được

. As a result, they might cause accidents by breaking

(không ổn vì ai cũng

tend to be calmer and be able to dealing

. When it comes to collisions, if the drivers are


enough (có từ khác

ivers. Firstly, this action might encourage young people to use

people are not equipped with knowledge about laws


young people could have better visibility so that they are less likely to


cost these drivers their lives.

53



http://fed.edu.vn

consideration.

� Đoạn Kết Luận bạn có tham khảo ở đâu không? Câu này ổn về mặt Ngữ pháp

nhưng có thể mất điểm vì quá dài và gộp nhiều ý vào nhau.

� (1) Mình chưa nghĩ ra ý nào phù hợp nhưng mình nghĩ bạn nên dùng ví dụ mà đa

phần người trẻ mắc chứ say rượu thì ở Việt Nam người lớn tuổi dính nhiều hơn là

thanh niên.

� (2) thể hiện bạn có nhận thức sai về Dàn Ý, The first… Another… sẽ là 2 ý còn bạn

hình như chỉ có 1. Chưa kể, chỗ furthermore nên thay bằng while và nối với câu

trước thì chuẩn hơn.

� (3) Đây là Ý 3? Có bị lạc đề không?

� Ý 1 + Ví Dụ 1 của (4) là cách viết mình hay dùng tuy về mặt diễn đạt chưa ổn, bạn

nên theo phong cách này, rất hợp lý. Ý tiếp theo cũng vậy, diễn đạt đôi lúc hơi quan

trọng hóa quá! Bạn tham khảo cách viết của Simon đi, không quá chi tiết mà ngược

lại, khá tổng quát.

Hồ Quang Trung

54



http://fed.edu.vn


Some working parents believe childcare centres can provide best care for children, others

think other family members like grandparents can do this job. Discuss both views and give

your opinion.

Bài 1:

Over the past few decades, we have seen the importance of children. In modern age, both

fathers and mothers are actively engaged in employment; therefore, some of them rely on the

help of other family members to care for their children or sending their kids to childcare

organizations. In my opinion, I contend that children should be cared by older relatives.

On the one hand, childcare centers benefit to offspring in some ways. Firstly, children have more

opportunities to learn essentially social skills when they are at nursery schools. To illustrate

this, youngsters can learn how to socialize with their peers better in comparison with those who

are raised at home. Secondly, there are many conscientious teachers and members of staff,

which might allow the young generation to gain vital knowledge as well as first-hand

experience. As a result, they tend to walk on the successful career later. Finally, many members

in these places are likely to be well-trained; therefore, they might react quickly when an

emergency case occur. For in stance, they probably provide first-aid when a child gets injured.

Despite the above arguments, I believe that senior family members have a vital role to play in

the upbringing of children. At first, when parents leave their kids at home with the elderly, they

might have a sense of certainty. In this way, parents would focus on their tasks and become

productive workers of the society. Moreover, grandparents who are retired could devote their

time to be side-by-side with offspring. This could strengthen a family bond by narrowing the

gap between the elderly and the young generation. Furthermore, adults could spend more on

buying clothes or foods, which contributes to the fully development of children.

In conclusion, for various mentioned reasons, both these views are beneficial to children in

some extents, and I firmly hold a view that young persons are likely to be well-developed when

older relatives take care of them.

Over the past few decades, we have seen the importance of children (thay bằng một câu nói rõ

về vấn đề trông trẻ của thế kỷ/ thập niên trước). In modern age, both fathers and mothers

are actively engaged in employment; therefore, some of them rely on the help of other family



http://fed.edu.vn

members to care for their children or sending

their kids to childcare organizations. In my

opinion, I contend that children should be

cared by older relatives (mình ngh

này sẽ mất từ cho đoạn sau) (có thể là

chọn latter/ former).

On the one hand, childcare centers benefit to

offspring in some ways (đọc lư

triển có vẻ ổn nhưng sẽ hợp lý h

kiểu về sự xuất hiện của các nhà trẻ mang

đến nhiều lợi ích). Firstly, children have more

opportunities to learn essentially social skills

when they are at nursery schools. To illustrate

this, youngsters can learn how to socialize with

their peers better in comparison with

those who are (thừa) raised at home. Secondly, there are many conscientious teachers and

members of staff, (nên bỏ phẩy mới phải)

không hợp lý đâu) to gain vital knowledge as well as first

tend to walk on the successful career later

thế về nhận thức/ cách học chả hạn)

well-trained; therefore, they might react quickly when an emergency case occur. For in stance,

they probably provide first-aid when a child gets injured.

thằng kia, tập trung làm rõ ý 2)

Despite the above arguments, I believe that senior family members have a vital role to play in


might have a sense of certainty. In this way, parents would focus on their t


time to be side-by-side with offspring. This could strengthen a family bond by narrowing the

gap between the elderly and the young


dụ cho Ý 2 (moreover) hay là Ý 3, n

��

members to care for their children or sending

o childcare organizations. In my

children should be

(mình nghĩ lặp cụm

ạn sau) (có thể là

On the one hand, childcare centers benefit to

ướt thấy ý phát

ẽ hợp lý hơn nếu nói

ểu về sự xuất hiện của các nhà trẻ mang

. Firstly, children have more

opportunities to learn essentially social skills

when they are at nursery schools. To illustrate

gsters can learn how to socialize with

their peers better in comparison with

raised at home. Secondly, there are many conscientious teachers and

ỏ phẩy mới phải) which might allow the young generation

to gain vital knowledge as well as first-hand experience. As a result, they

tend to walk on the successful career later (cao siêu quá, ví dụ mấy năm đ

ế về nhận thức/ cách học chả hạn). Finally, many members in these places are likely to be

trained; therefore, they might react quickly when an emergency case occur. For in stance,

aid when a child gets injured. (ý này thừa và không mạnh bằng 2

ằng kia, tập trung làm rõ ý 2)

ove arguments, I believe that senior family members have a vital role to play in


might have a sense of certainty. In this way, parents would focus on their t


side with offspring. This could strengthen a family bond by narrowing the

gap between the elderly and the young generation. Furthermore, adults could spend more on


) hay là Ý 3, nếu không làm rõ có thể bị coi là lạc đề)

55

raised at home. Secondly, there are many conscientious teachers and

the young generation (cụm này

hand experience. As a result, they

ăm đầu cấp 1 sẽ có lợi

aces are likely to be

trained; therefore, they might react quickly when an emergency case occur. For in stance,

ừa và không mạnh bằng 2

ove arguments, I believe that senior family members have a vital role to play in


might have a sense of certainty. In this way, parents would focus on their tasks and become


side with offspring. This could strengthen a family bond by narrowing the

thermore, adults could spend more on

buying clothes or foods, which contributes to the fully development of children. (câu này là ví

ề)

56



http://fed.edu.vn

In conclusion, for various aboved-mentioned reasons, both these views are beneficial to

children in some extents, and I firmly hold a view that young persons are likely to be well-

developed when older relatives take care of them.

Important Notes:

� Bài viết tốt, trừ một số chỗ về logic và ý (tiếng Việt), mình nghĩ bài này nếu sửa thì

đủ tầm 7.5-8.0, có khi hơn. Điều đấy có nghĩa là lần sau mình sẽ sửa cho các bạn

khác chứ không sửa cho bạn được. Bên mình hướng vào các bạn ít có cơ hội đi học

và trình độ chỉ ở tầm thấp thôi.

Hồ Quang Trung



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 2:

Parents who have a job show different opinions on whether they should send their children to

childcare centers or ask for other family members’ help. While the first option is advantageous

to some extent, I would argue that it is better to let

the children.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why childcare centres attract people who are

wrapped up in their work. The first reason is that these professional companies consist of well

trained employees who are equipped with good babysitting skills. For example, if a baby is

having a cold, these people can provide medical care in a safe way.

these centres gives youngsters an opportunity to make new friends, which can develop the

children’s social skills. Children can learn how to have a conversation with strangers and they,

as a result, would be more confident and sociable.

On the other hand, I believe that it is more beneficial for both parents and their babies to have

grandparents do the babysitting job. Firstly, there are people who cannot afford the service of

childcare centres. In that case, they can save a lot of money by asking other close relatives to

look after their child and allocate this money for other more essential

providing better health care for the family. Secondly, a child can have full attention from their

babysitters, which reduces the risk of accident occurring. Grandparents, different from childcare

organizations, have to look after only one

babies so that they, for example, can prevent the

child from hurting himself by playing with sharp

objects.

In conclusion, it seems to me that parents could

gain more benefits if they ask near relatives to

take care of their offspring.

Parents who have a job

parents xem có cụm nào ngon

thay) show different opinions on whether they

should send their children to childcare centers

or ask for other family members’ help

gõ ask – help/ assistance/ aid

nào ổn không). While the first option is

��



to some extent, I would argue that it is better to let members such as grandparents take care of


wrapped up in their work. The first reason is that these professional companies consist of well

es who are equipped with good babysitting skills. For example, if a baby is

having a cold, these people can provide medical care in a safe way. Furthermore, attending



as a result, would be more confident and sociable.


nts do the babysitting job. Firstly, there are people who cannot afford the service of


look after their child and allocate this money for other more essential



organizations, have to look after only one or two

babies so that they, for example, can prevent the

himself by playing with sharp

In conclusion, it seems to me that parents could

gain more benefits if they ask near relatives to

have a job (gõ working

ụm nào ngon ăn thì

show different opinions on whether they

should send their children to childcare centers

or ask for other family members’ help (thử

help/ assistance/ aid xem có cụm

e the first option is

57



members such as grandparents take care of


wrapped up in their work. The first reason is that these professional companies consist of well-

es who are equipped with good babysitting skills. For example, if a baby is

Furthermore, attending




nts do the babysitting job. Firstly, there are people who cannot afford the service of


look after their child and allocate this money for other more essential purposes such as



58



http://fed.edu.vn

advantageous to some extent (có s không nhỉ?), I would argue that it is better to let members

such as grandparents take care of the children (1).


wrapped up in their work (nên nói về how important they are to the development of

children hoặc chí ý nói chung chung how advantageous they are) (như thế sẽ có rất nhiều

ý để phát triển). The first reason is that these professional companies consist of well-trained

employees who are equipped with good babysitting skills. For example, if a baby is

having (might get) a cold, these people can provide medical care in a safe way (2).

Furthermore, attending these centres gives youngsters (bọn đi nhà trẻ không già thế đâu) an

opportunity to make new friends, which can develop the children’s social skills. Children can

learn how to have a conversation with strangers and they, as a result, would be more confident

and sociable (như thế khi đi học thì có lợi, nên refer đến trường hợp gần nhất là các năm

cấp 1).


grandparents do the babysitting job. Firstly, there are people who cannot afford the service of


look after their child and allocate this money for other more essential purposes such as

providing better health care for the family (viết lại) (việc nhờ họ hàng là money-saving) (nếu

viết đơn giản thì viết 3 ý, dài thì 2 ý) (muốn dài thì đưa ví dụ về chi phí như so sánh số

tiền chia ra/ lương). Secondly, a child can have full attention from their babysitters, which

reduces the risk of accident occurring (sai, không nói rõ which babysitter) (vì thế có thể bị

xem là lạc đề). Grandparents, different from childcare organizations, have to look after only

one or two babies so that they, for example, can prevent the child from hurting himself by

playing with sharp objects (ví dụ tạm được nhưng mắc lỗi run-on và band điểm câu này

chưa tốt) (When the number of children decreases,…).

In conclusion, it seems to me that parents could gain more benefits if they ask near relatives to

take care of their offspring (Kết Luận này dở quá, lạc tùm lum).

Important Notes:

� (1) Mình mượn tam câu này của Simon, bạn sửa chút xem sao? On the one hand,

parents certainly have a vital role to play in the upbringing of their children.

� (2) Không nên đặt những câu như vậy. Có thể dùng nối ngay như (chú ý dấu phẩy

đầu) , for example, they … in case of emergency. Viết câu ví dụ của bạn khá là đơn

59



http://fed.edu.vn

giản, sẽ kéo điểm các câu khác xuống. Có thể dùng mấy cụm in terms of/ when it

comes to để dẫn các trường hợp ốm đau gì đó.

� Đoạn Body 1 bạn Đức viết rất tốt. Ý nào ý nấy rất cụ thể và đượcsupport cẩn thận

chứng tỏ việc viết Đoạn đã được học cẩn thận.

Hồ Quang Trung

60



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 3

Taking care of children is always a critical concern of working parents. While some of them

entrust their children to other people in their own families, I would argue that it is better to

leave this task to childcare centres.

The option to ask other family members to take care of children is attractive for several reasons.

The main one is that every people will feel more assured if they know that their children are

being looked after by the family. This make them be able to be confident that those caregivers

really love their children and treat them in the most hearted and careful way. In addition,

receiving the help of family in caring for children may allow working parents save some money.

It is significantly essential with parents who do not have high income.

Despite those arguments, childcare centres is a better choice of working parents, which can

allow them to be more proactive in temrs of organising time and bring their children a more

scientific care. First of all, using services of childcare centres means that parents do not have to

worry about unxpected situations that can upset their plans. In fact, if working parents ask for

childcare help from their family members, there may be some time thay must have one day or

more off work because those ones are busy. Further more, babysitters in childcare centres are

proffessional ones, they are equipped with upadated scientific knowledge of caring for children.

Thus, children in those centres are capable of enjoying right and positive caring methods, which

plays an undeniable role in their growth.

In conclusion, some working parents may choose to leave their children to family members’

care. However, I believe that letting childcare centres look after children can give parents as

well as the children more apparent benefits.

Taking care of children (có lẽ nên nói thẳng là gửi con cho ai trông để đi thẳng vào câu sau

dễ hơn) is always a critical concern of working parents. While some of them entrust their

children to other people in their own families, I would argue that it is better to leave this task to

childcare centres.

The option to ask other family members to take care of children is attractive for several reasons.

The main one (ngay câu đầu không nên tắt) is that every people (í ẹ) (1) will feel

more assured (không chắc từ này ổn) (tra thử antonym của anxious xem) if they know that

their children are being looked after by the family (nói rõ đi, ai). This makes (những lỗi này

rất dễ đưa bạn xuống band 5.0) them be able to be confident that those caregivers really love

their children and treat them in the most hearted and careful way (giống Văn Nói). In



http://fed.edu.vn

addition, receiving the help of family

for children (diễn đạt mất đi

working parents save some money

(đặt ngược lại vấn đề thì hay h

decrease child care costs). It is significantly

essential with parents who do not have high

income. (thừa) (thay bằng ví dụ thực tế)

Despite those arguments, childcare

centres is (gửi con đến mấy chỗ này thì dùng

được số ít) a better choice

lại) working parents, which can allow them to

be more proactive in temrs of organising time

and bring their children a more scientific

care (cần ngắn gọn) (xem lại các bài viết của

Simon, ổng có mấy câu Topic Sentence rất

đơn giản mà hiệu quả) (ví dụ chỗ này chỉ cần nói

might gì đó kèm với 2-3 reasons

chưa ổn) means that parents do not have to worry about unxpected situations that can upset

their plans (lạc đề và dài dòng) (viết lại thật

viết câu tiếng Việt trước xong dịch sang

from their family members, there may be some time thay must have one day or more off work

because those ones are busy (có liên quan gì t

phòng dài dòng quen thuộc, cách diễn

more, babysitters (mình không ch

ones, they (chỗ này lại cần MĐQH)

for children (bạn tự sửa lại cụm này x

centres (cách viết này thể hiện v

enjoying right (ý là sao)and positive caring methods, which plays an undeniable role in their

growth.

In conclusion, some working parents may choose to leave their children to family members’


well as the children more apparent benefits.

đề chọn A hay B ngay, không

��

receiving the help of family in caring

điểm) may allow

save some money (allow to)

ề thì hay hơn, ví dụ to

It is significantly

essential with parents who do not have high

ừa) (thay bằng ví dụ thực tế)

Despite those arguments, childcare

ến mấy chỗ này thì dùng

a better choice of (xem

which can allow them to

be more proactive in temrs of organising time

and bring their children a more scientific

ần ngắn gọn) (xem lại các bài viết của

ổng có mấy câu Topic Sentence rất

ản mà hiệu quả) (ví dụ chỗ này chỉ cần nói those in favor of childcare centers

3 reasons). First of all, using services of childcare centres

means that parents do not have to worry about unxpected situations that can upset

ề và dài dòng) (viết lại thật đơn giản, đừng làm phức tạp vấn

ớc xong dịch sang sau). In fact, if working parents ask for childcare help


(có liên quan gì tới câu trước) (cách đưa ví d

ộc, cách diễn đạt này không phải của tiếng Anh)

(mình không chắc họ sẽ dùng từ này) in childcare centres are proffessional

ĐQH) are equipped with upadated scientific knowledge of caring

ạn tự sửa lại cụm này xem kỹ năng Google đến đâu). Thus, children

ết này thể hiện văn phong còn nặng kiểu Việt Nam)

and positive caring methods, which plays an undeniable role in their

orking parents may choose to leave their children to family members’


well as the children more apparent benefits. (Kết Luận này không ổn) (Câu 1 phải viết về vấ

ề chọn A hay B ngay, không được đưa sang câu sau, Câu 2 chỉ vô thưởng vô phạt thôi)

61

those in favor of childcare centers

services of childcare centres (diễn đạt

means that parents do not have to worry about unxpected situations that can upset

ừng làm phức tạp vấn đề) (có thể

arents ask for childcare help


đưa ví dụ thể hiện văn

ải của tiếng Anh). Further

in childcare centres are proffessional

upadated scientific knowledge of caring

. Thus, children in those

ặng kiểu Việt Nam) are capable of

and positive caring methods, which plays an undeniable role in their

orking parents may choose to leave their children to family members’


ết Luận này không ổn) (Câu 1 phải viết về vấn

ởng vô phạt thôi)

62



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 4:

In more recent decades , there is a growing recognition of the importance of taking care of

children. While some working parents believe that childcare centres are the best way to support

their children , I would agree with the viewpoint that other relatives can perform better.

Firts , it is obvious that for children the purpose of receiving care of other family members is to

obtain loves which will enable them to feel the importance of relationship.This is because family

is the best thing of their life , Therefore , it is crucial for working parents to pull string children

to older relatives.

Moreover , the care of family safer than childcare centres . For example , it was shocked

Vietnamese people that the Phuong Anh pre-school has made violence with many children in

2O13. Furthermore, a grow class which can not control all of kids and they are maybe

victimized by other classmates

That is not to say that parents should not pay any attention to giving children to childcare

centres . There are , of course , children in those centres are benefited from educable

enviroment which gives them knowledge and essentially social skills .But still , the cons are far

greater .

In conclusion , there are good reasons why working parents should give their youngsters to

childcare centres , but in my opinion other relatives help is necessary

In more (thừa) recent decades , there is a growing recognition of the importance of taking care

of children (cụm there is a growing recognition rất hay nhưng câu này lại có vẻ hơi rườm

rà, cảm giác thế). While some working parents believe that childcare centres are the best way

to support their children (không đúng, hỗ trợ họ thì có) (bạn tìm cụm khác đi không là sai

vấn đề), I would agree with the viewpoint that other relatives can perform better. (1)

Firtsly, it is obvious that for children the purpose of receiving care of other family members is to

obtain loves which will enable them to feel the importance of relationship. (2) This is because

family is the best thing of their life, therefore, (viết hoa và bỏ dấu câu tùm lum) it is crucial for

working parents to pull string children to older relatives. (các câu sau phát triển không tốt,

đúng là cần học lại viết Đoạn trước)

Moreover, the care of family safer than childcare centres. (ý có vẻ được nhưng diễn đạt hơi

đơn giản) For example, it was shocked Vietnamese people that the Phuong Anh pre-school has

made violence with many children in 2O13. (không lấy ví dụ quá cụ thể) (tình hình bạo lực



http://fed.edu.vn

học đường/ nhà trẻ những n

làm nhiều phụ huynh hoang mang, và họ

chọn gửi con ở nhà người thân)

có vấn đề một vài chỗ) Furthermore, a grow

class which can not control all of kids and they

are maybe victimized by other

classmates. (câu này phải h

ý safer đã nêu ở câu Topic Sentence)

That is not to say that parents should not pay

any attention to giving children to childcare

centres . There are , of course , children in

those centres are benefited from educable

enviroment which gives them knowledge and

essentially social skills .But still , the cons are

far greater. (viết 1 bài 4 đo

tham)

In conclusion, there are good reasons why working par

childcare centres , but in my opinion

Important Notes:

� (1) Mình nghĩ bạn đi hơi t

đó mới là câu của bạn

Simon.

� Nhận xét phụ là bỏ ngay kiểu cách 1 ô rồi mới gõ dấu câu

� (2) Câu đầu đoạn Mở Bài hay bao nhiêu câu Topic Sentence này dở bấy nhiêu. Bạn

nên đọc cuốn Effective Academic Writ

Paragraph đơn giản nhất có thể rồi v

vào vấn đề rồi mới đến trau chuốt từ ngữ.

� (3) Chọn cái gì cũng phải rõ ràng, cách bạn viết học theo Simon nh

cảm giác A và B (2 lựa chọn) lại khá cân bằng.

��

ờng/ nhà trẻ những năm gần đây

ều phụ huynh hoang mang, và họ

ời thân) (Ngữ pháp

Furthermore, a grow

t control all of kids and they

victimized by other

ải hướng vào

ở câu Topic Sentence)

That is not to say that parents should not pay

any attention to giving children to childcare

rse , children in

those centres are benefited from educable

enviroment which gives them knowledge and

.But still , the cons are

đoạn thôi, đừng

In conclusion, there are good reasons why working parents should give their youngsters

childcare centres , but in my opinion other relatives help is necessary (diễn đ

đi hơi tắt ở câu này. While some think…, others believe that…

ới là câu của bạn và bạn có thể nói nhiều kiểu khác nhau, tham khảo của

ận xét phụ là bỏ ngay kiểu cách 1 ô rồi mới gõ dấu câu đi nha. L

ạn Mở Bài hay bao nhiêu câu Topic Sentence này dở bấy nhiêu. Bạn

ọc cuốn Effective Academic Writing 1 và học cách viết Topic Sentence cho

ản nhất có thể rồi văn hoa sau. Trước hết, là cô

ến trau chuốt từ ngữ.

ọn cái gì cũng phải rõ ràng, cách bạn viết học theo Simon nh

ựa chọn) lại khá cân bằng.

63

ents should give their youngsters to

đạt chưa tốt). (3)

While some think…, others believe that… Sau

ạn có thể nói nhiều kiểu khác nhau, tham khảo của

đi nha. Lộn xộn quá!

ạn Mở Bài hay bao nhiêu câu Topic Sentence này dở bấy nhiêu. Bạn

ọc cách viết Topic Sentence cho

ớc hết, là cô đọng và đi thẳng

ọn cái gì cũng phải rõ ràng, cách bạn viết học theo Simon nhưng ở câu này

Hồ Quang Trung

64



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 5:

Some people think that childcare centers look after children best, while others believe that this

job belongs to members in the family. I agree with the later statement.

On the one hand, childcare centers are beneficial in some ways. The main shortcoming is that

people working there have knowledge and skills to take care of infants. If they get this job, they

must have certificate or trained to ensure that they have enough qualification for caring

children. In addition, children may get acquaintance with more friends by sending them these

places. This could bring benefits for the development of a child. They are surrounded with a lot

of peers, which helps them to interact with people easier.

On the other hand, there are various reasons that family members like grandparents look after

offspring better. Firstly, it is believed that grandparents can take care of their children with all

heart because of blood relationship. In childcare centers, a nurse or teacher have to observe at

least 10 children, which is difficult for them to give thoughtful care for each children. Secondly,

grandparents are the greatest teachers thanks to experience they have accumulated for many

years. They can teach their children about the world surrounding them at anytime and

anywhere. From that on, children can learn massive knowledge which childcare centers can

hardly convey to them. Finally, children live with family members take more advantages for the

linguistic ability. In childcare centers, teachers often require children to keep silent and sit in a

position for a long time, which may be harmful the development of children in later life.

In conclusion, while childcare centers have some advantages, I believe that the nurture of family

member is better for the development of children.

Some people think that childcare centers look after children best, while others believe that this

job belongs to members in the family. (biết cấu trúc đấy nhưng diễn đạt chưa ổn) I agree

with the later statement. (câu này thì lại cụt quá, xem Simon viết sao bạn nhé) (1)

On the one hand, childcare centers are beneficial in some ways. The main shortcoming (đáng lý

là + lại dùng từ mang nghĩa -) is that people working there have knowledge and skills to take

care of infants. If they get this job, they must have certificate or trained to ensure that they have

enough qualification for caring children. (lạc đề) In addition, children may get acquaintance

with more friends by sending them these places (ý này chưa rõ ràng). This could bring benefits

for the development of a child later in their lives. (nếu là ví dụ hay liên hệ thì đều cần Liên

Từ) They are surrounded with a lot of peers, which helps them to interact with people

easier. (2)



http://fed.edu.vn

On the other hand, there are various reasons

that family members like grandparents

ra chịu trách nhiệm việc này)

afteroffspring better (diễn đạt).

believed that grandparents can take care of

their children with all heart because of blood

relationship. (bạn đang nói v

trách nhiệm hay nói về nhân nghĩa

lý?) In childcare centers, a nurse

teacher (bỏ) ave to observe at least 10

children, which is difficult for them to

thoughtful care (diễn đạt) for each children.

Secondly, grandparents are the greatest

teachers thanks to experience they have

accumulated for many years. They can teach

their children about the world surrounding them at anytime and anywhere. From that on,

children can learn massive knowledge which childcare center

này cũng ổn nhưng nên bớt 1 câu lại

bật advantage của relatives)

for the linguistic ability. In childcare centers, te

sit in a position for a long time, which may be harmful the development of children in later

life. (ý này vừa thừa vừa yếu) (ý 2

In conclusion, while childcare centers

member is better for the development of children.

Important Notes:

� (1) Bạn biết cách viết Mở Bài nh

� (2) Tham khảo cấu trúc bài của Simon là tốt nh

bị như bài của bạn. Bạn nên viết

đừng áp vào bài của bạn.

� (3) Kết Luận biết cách viết nh

��

, there are various reasons

that family members like grandparents (đứng

ịu trách nhiệm việc này) look

ạt). Firstly, it is

believed that grandparents can take care of

their children with all heart because of blood

đang nói về khả năng/ về

ệm hay nói về nhân nghĩa đạo

In childcare centers, a nurse or

ave to observe at least 10

children, which is difficult for them to give

for each children.

ndparents are the greatest

teachers thanks to experience they have

accumulated for many years. They can teach


children can learn massive knowledge which childcare centers can hardly convey to them.

ớt 1 câu lại để so với nhà trẻ như bên trên, đ

Finally, children live with family members take more advantages

for the linguistic ability. In childcare centers, teachers often require children to keep silent and


ừa thừa vừa yếu) (ý 2 đang hay, tập trung phát triển là được)

In conclusion, while childcare centers have some advantages, I believe that the nurture of family

better for the development of children. (3)

ạn biết cách viết Mở Bài nhưng trình độ Ngữ pháp và Từ vựng còn yếu.

ảo cấu trúc bài của Simon là tốt nhưng khi trình độ ch

ủa bạn. Bạn nên viết đơn giản hơn và chỉ đọc bài Simon cho vui thôi,

ừng áp vào bài của bạn.

ết Luận biết cách viết nhưng diễn đạt còn yếu (xem gạch chân).

65


s can hardly convey to them. (ý

ư bên trên, để làm nổi

Finally, children live with family members take more advantages

achers often require children to keep silent and


ợc)

the nurture of family

ộ Ngữ pháp và Từ vựng còn yếu.

ộ chưa đủ tầm thì sẽ

ọc bài Simon cho vui thôi,

ạt còn yếu (xem gạch chân).

Hồ Quang Trung

66



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 6:

Currently, parents tend to devote their time to working, so they need to rely on someone to look

after their children. While some people believe that children should be sent to nursery staff, I

would argue that it is better to have grandparents taken care of children

On the one hand, it is believed to send youngsters to childcare organizations for several reasons.

The first reason is that as those daycare centres are professional ones, their staff are well-

trained in babysitting skills. As a result, under supervision of the babysitters, children will be

provided great care services. For example, when toddlers break their legs, the staff can

immediately handle the dangerous situation by giving them first-aid. The second reason is that

for those who looked after at central nursery area, they will be given many opportunities to

communicate with their peers and participate in many outdoor activities, which can build up

their self-confidence and lighten their mood.

However, I think that it is better idea for family relatives, particularly grandparents to raise

children. Firstly, since children are reared up at home, this can save a great deal of money,

which will reduce a considerable financial burden on parents. Secondly, grandparents have

lived and brought up their own offspring for many years, therefore, they gain much parental

experience. For instance, they help children to stay calm when they are crying. Finally, as

grandparents are usually more reliable compared to babysitters at central places, so your

infants will receive better care and unconditional love from them.

In conclusion, despite aforementioned benefits of childcare central organizations, I still believe

that children should be by raised by grandparents

Currently (thay (cụm) từ khác), parents tend to devote their time to working, so they need to

rely on someone to look after their children(nửa đầu hay, nửa sau dở). While some people

believe that children should be sent to nursery staff (nhà trẻ), I would argue that it is better to

have grandparents taken care of children (their offspring).

On the one hand, it is believed that (xem cách viết của Simon, tham khảo bài của Jenny

trong mục này) (đơn giản mà hiệu quả) to send youngsters to childcare organizations for

several reasons. The first reason is that as those daycare centres are professional ones,

(thừa) their staff are well-trained in babysitting skills. As a result,under supervision of the

babysitters, (thừa) children will be provided great care services. For example, when toddlers

break their legs, the staff can immediately handle the dangerous situation by giving them first-

aid (ví dụ chung chung thôi, nối với câu trước đó chả hạn) (cái chính là làm nổi bật cái



http://fed.edu.vn

skills bạn nói). The second reason

chán) is that for those who looked after at

central nursery area, they will be given many

opportunities to communicate with their peers

and participate in many outdoor activities,

which can build up their self

lighten their mood. (1)

However, I think that it is better

relatives, particula

grandparents, to raise (thay b

như take care/ look after)

offspring). Firstly, since children are reared

up at home, this can save a great deal of

money, which will reduce a considerable

financial burden on parents

Secondly, grandparents have lived and brought up their own offspring for many years,

therefore, they gain much parental experience

trở lên xem câu này họ viết thế nào)

are crying (ví dụ chán). Finally, as grandparents are usually more reliable compared to

babysitters at central places (là nh

better care and unconditional love from them

In conclusion, despite aforementioned benefits of childcare central organizations

cao siêu quá đọc không có hiểu)

by grandparents (relative nói chung nhé, đ

Important Notes:

� (1) Ý có vẻ ổn. Nhưng g

opportunities chưa tốt (sau

khai thì cực ngon. Còn học thế nào mình không chỉ, em tự thân vận

kế có khá hơn không.

� (2) chán quá, ý 3 này b

��

The second reason (diễn đạt

for those who looked after at

, they will be given many

opportunities to communicate with their peers

and participate in many outdoor activities,

which can build up their self-confidence and

However, I think that it is better idea for family

relatives, particularly

(thay bằng các từ

) children (their

. Firstly, since children are reared

up at home, this can save a great deal of

money, which will reduce a considerable

financial burden on parents (run-on).

econdly, grandparents have lived and brought up their own offspring for many years,

therefore, they gain much parental experience (câu này chỉ cho 5.5 hết cỡ) (

ở lên xem câu này họ viết thế nào). For instance, they help children to stay c

. Finally, as grandparents are usually more reliable compared to

(là những chỗ như thế nào vậy?), so your infants will receive

better care and unconditional love from them (diễn đạt). (2)

despite aforementioned benefits of childcare central organizations

ọc không có hiểu), I still believe that children should be by raised

nói chung nhé, đừng quy hẹp về mỗi các cụ).

ưng gộp 2 câu làm 1 là ý kiến tồi. Chưa kể cách dẫn dắt

ốt (sau đó thì ổn). Mấy câu này mà học được cách Simon triển

ực ngon. Còn học thế nào mình không chỉ, em tự thân vận

ơn không.

(2) chán quá, ý 3 này bỏ hẳn đi.

67

econdly, grandparents have lived and brought up their own offspring for many years,

ỉ cho 5.5 hết cỡ) (đọc các bài 7.0

. For instance, they help children to stay calm when they

. Finally, as grandparents are usually more reliable compared to

so your infants will receive

despite aforementioned benefits of childcare central organizations (đoạn này

, I still believe that children should be by raised

ể cách dẫn dắt đến

ợc cách Simon triển

ực ngon. Còn học thế nào mình không chỉ, em tự thân vận động xem bài

68



http://fed.edu.vn

� Tưởng chữa nhanh mà lâu phết, quả nhiên vẫn như mấy bài trước, lỗi mẹ lỗi con

nhiều vô số kể như chơi ú tim. Em chịu khó đọc nhiều bài band điểm cao hơn nữa

nhé, cách viết còn nhiều vấn đề lắm!

Hồ Quang Trung

69



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 7:

It is true that the parents often wonder whether they ought to provide children with care of

daycare centers or not. While many people suppose that children receiving cares from their

family members can be the best way to care for children, I would argue that institutional cares

are much better.

On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why the parents have a tendency of choosing

home-based care. Firstly, they may think that caring for youngsters in home satisfies the

condition that is safe for their children. Those who can be grandparents receiving the

responsibility of paying attention to children is likely to spend plenty of time for them. By this

way, grandparents take care of all children’s activities, which would lead to be less injuries or

accident. Furthermore, children could easy to make close relationship with people who are

member in their family. If individuals do not belong to their family, the young are probably

unconfident, even scared.

On the other hand, I believe that the young are under the care of care services is beneficial in

some ways. One major advantage is that they often live in educated environment. This is

because childcare centers usually hire skilled staffs who have abilities and skills enough to

foster them. Another benefit is that children can be nurtured essential skills . Those centers

often have sufficient facilities to provide them full of activities such as art, reading and plays.

This allows children push their imagination and learn vital skills such as collaborative and self-

discipline skills.

In conclusion, although both nurturing youngsters in home and taking them to daycare centers

are advantageous in their own ways, it seems to me that it is better to take care of children in

daycare centers.

It is true that the (biết ai đâu mà the) parents often wonder whether they ought to (chọn từ

khác) provide children with care of daycare centers (bạn làm phức tạp hóa vấn đề) or not (có

thể dùng cách tiếp cận khác như The issue of… is a controversial one) . While many people

suppose that children (cho từ này vào làm loạn câu) receiving cares (cụm từ này chưa đủ

mạnh) from their family members can be the best way to care for (1 là bỏ đoạn nói thêm, 2 là

chuyển thành take care of their) children, I would argue that institutional cares are much

better (mình đã thấy cách viết này rồi nhưng có lẽ cần dùng cách diễn đạt khác).

On the one hand, there are a variety of (mình thấy nhiều người dùng cả số ít/ số nhiều, dùng

cụm khác cho lành) reasons why the parents nowadays (thêm một vài từ phù hợp để câu



http://fed.edu.vn

văn xuôi tai hơn) have a tendency of choosing

home-based care (nên nói there is a tendency

that…). Firstly, they may think that

youngsters in home satisfies the condition that

is safe for their children (diễn

can be grandparents receiving the

responsibility of paying attention to children is

likely to spend plenty of time for them

tự). By this way, grandparents take care of all

children’s activities, which would

less injuries or accident (the case that

Furthermore, children could easy to make

close relationship with people who are

member in their family. If individuals do not

belong to their family, the young are


(mấy câu này viết hơi tự do quá, lỗi tùm lum mà không diễn

On the other hand, I believe that

to… mới đúng) beneficial in some ways. One major advantage is that they often live in

educated environment. This is because childcare centers usually hire skilled staffs who have

abilities and skills enough to foster them. Another benefit is that children

Giới Từ) essential skills . Those

activities such as art, reading and plays

learn vital skills such as collaborative and self

In conclusion, although both nurturing youngsters in home and taking


daycare centers.

Important Notes:

� Đoạn 2 dùng form của Simon khá hẳn, mình chả chê

nhiều vô kể. Bạn chịu khó

� Kết Luận chôm được khung x

��

have a tendency of choosing

there is a tendency

. Firstly, they may think that caring for

in home satisfies the condition that

ễn đạt). Those who

be grandparents receiving the

responsibility of paying attention to children is

spend plenty of time for them (tương

. By this way, grandparents take care of all

children’s activities, which would lead to be

the case that).

could easy to make

close relationship with people who are

member in their family. If individuals do not

belong to their family, the young are probably


ự do quá, lỗi tùm lum mà không diễn đạt được ý

On the other hand, I believe that the young are under the care of care services is

beneficial in some ways. One major advantage is that they often live in

onment. This is because childcare centers usually hire skilled staffs who have

abilities and skills enough to foster them. Another benefit is that children can be nurtured

Those centers often have sufficient facilities to p

activities such as art, reading and plays. This (?) allows children to push their imagination and

learn vital skills such as collaborative and self-discipline skills.

nurturing youngsters in home and taking them to daycare centers


ạn 2 dùng form của Simon khá hẳn, mình chả chê được bố cục nh

ều vô kể. Bạn chịu khó viết vào WORD sẽ nhận ra những lỗi này.

ợc khung xương của Simon nhưng lắp nhầm chất liệu.

70


ợc ý đồ gì)

under the care of care services is (sending kids

beneficial in some ways. One major advantage is that they often live in an

onment. This is because childcare centers usually hire skilled staffs who have

can be nurtured (cần

sufficient facilities to provide them full of

their imagination and

them to daycare centers


ợc bố cục nhưng sạn thì

ết vào WORD sẽ nhận ra những lỗi này.

ắp nhầm chất liệu.

71



http://fed.edu.vn

� Lỗi duy nhất của bạn là chưa học một cách bài bản. Bạn có thể có 100 mẫu của

Simon nhưng trình độ của bạn chỉ viết bất kỳ câu nào cũng sẽ có lỗi. Bạn cần

nghiêm túc học lại từ các lớp Cơ bản nhất, không cần nhiều Từ, chỉ cần tập trung

Ngữ pháp.

Hồ Quang Trung

72



http://fed.edu.vn

WEEKWEEKWEEKWEEK��4444�

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is

pointless to try and keep them alive.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this

opinion?

Bài 1:

In recent years, there is a growing recognition of advanced technology changes our daily lives. It

is true that the development of technological devices could pose a threat to traditional skills as

well as lifestyles in a nation. Personally, I partly disagree with this view because of several

reasons below.

To begin with, it is acknowledged that the development of technology may have a harmful

impact on the traditional skills of a country. At first, the rapid growth of technology leads to the

industrialization and global trade, which might contribute to the disappearance of some

traditions. For example, many factories turn up to replace for craft villages to produce bricks or

concrete and this way could result in the lack of individuals who can create hand-made goods.

However, I believe that the latest stage- of- the- art technology is a beneficial change to our

lifestyles. Thanks to the technology-age drive, human life become better than before. For

instance, parents now have more leisure time for taking care of their children because of labor-

saving devices such as washing machine.

Furthermore, there are various options for the government to preserve its traditions and local

lifestyles. Firstly, the authorities could invest in reconstructing craft villages and create more

jobs for craftsmen by boosting the development of rural tourism. In addition, there is a need for

the government to implement laws to encourage the local residents to learn and inherit such

skills, which could play a role to maintain the culture diversity.

In conclusion, while I accept that technology innovations have its limitations to folk skills and

traditional customs, I contend that some of these changes have been positive.

In recent years, there is a growing recognition of advanced technologychanges ( theo mình

đoạn này nên để that changes hoặc changing ) our daily lives. It is true ( Ý của cả câu này

với câu thứ nhất là đối lập nhau, bạn nên sử dụng từ nối chỉ sự tương phản như however

để tạo sự kết dính cho câu văn) that the development of technological devices could pose a

threat to traditional skills as well as lifestyles in a nation ( bạn bỏ từ này đi, bạn dùng từ



http://fed.edu.vn

này, khiến cho câu văn rất vụng

thế, bạn có thể thêm each individual’s

lifestyle nhé ) Personally, I partly disagree

with this view because of several reasons

below.

—-> Mở đầu của bạn tạm đư

mắc một số lỗi không đáng có. Introduction

là phần dễ viết nhất . Theo

viết phần này đơn giản, an toàn, không cần

cầu kỳ gỉ cả để tránh những lỗi có thể xảy

ra.

To begin with, it is acknowledged that the

development of technology may have a

harmful impact on the traditional skills of a

country. At first, the rapid growth of technology leads to the industrialization and global trade,

which might contribute to the disappearance of some traditions. For example, many

factories turn up ( Turn up là c

hợp lý, bạn nên dùng động từ

villages to produce bricks or concrete and this way could result in

bạn ở đây là gì nhỉ khi đề cập là

handmade goods, viết liền handmade )

technology is a beneficial change ( brings beneficial changes )

technology-age drive ( bạn ghép sai từ, phải là t

life become ( becomes) better than before. For instance, parents now have more leisure

time for taking care of ( bạn nên dùng to sẽ chính xác h

hơn là Ving ) their children because of labor

—-> Đoạn body thứ nhất này bạn mắc khá nhiều lỗi về từ vựng nh

Ngoài ra, bạn đưa ví dụ việc xây dựng nhiều nhà máy sẽ dẫn

nghề , rồi thiếu đi tính cá nhân

logic bạn ạ.


lifestyles. Firstly, the authorities could invest in reconstructing craft villages and

creating) more jobs for craftsmen by boosting the development of rural tourism. In addition,

��

ất vụng. Thay vì

ế, bạn có thể thêm each individual’s

) Personally, I partly disagree

with this view because of several reasons

được. Tuy nhiên,

đáng có. Introduction

ần dễ viết nhất . Theo mình, bạn cứ

ản, an toàn, không cần

ể tránh những lỗi có thể xảy

To begin with, it is acknowledged that the

development of technology may have a

harmful impact on the traditional skills of a

rapid growth of technology leads to the industrialization and global trade,


( Turn up là cụm động từ, với nghĩa xuất hiện, bạn sử dụng nh

ộng từ established , có nghĩa là xây dựng nhé)

villages to produce bricks or concrete and this way could result in the lack of individuals ( Ý

ề cập là thiếu tính cá nhân ) who can create hand

ết liền handmade ) . However, I believe that the latest stage

a beneficial change ( brings beneficial changes ) to our lifestyles. Thanks to the

ạn ghép sai từ, phải là technology – driven age )

) better than before. For instance, parents now have more leisure

ạn nên dùng to sẽ chính xác hơn, vì for thường

their children because of labor-saving devices such as washing machine.

ạn body thứ nhất này bạn mắc khá nhiều lỗi về từ vựng như m

ụ việc xây dựng nhiều nhà máy sẽ dẫn đến việc làm mất

đi tính cá nhân . Đoạn này khá lủng củng, không liên quan


lifestyles. Firstly, the authorities could invest in reconstructing craft villages and

more jobs for craftsmen by boosting the development of rural tourism. In addition,

73

rapid growth of technology leads to the industrialization and global trade,


ộng từ, với nghĩa xuất hiện, bạn sử dụng như vậy chưa

ĩa là xây dựng nhé) to replace for craft

the lack of individuals ( Ý

hand-made goods (

. However, I believe that the latest stage- of- the- art

to our lifestyles. Thanks to the

driven age ), human

) better than before. For instance, parents now have more leisure

ờng đi với N nhiều

saving devices such as washing machine.

ư mình đã nói ở trên.

ến việc làm mất đi các làng

ủng củng, không liên quan đến nhau, thiếu


lifestyles. Firstly, the authorities could invest in reconstructing craft villages and create (

more jobs for craftsmen by boosting the development of rural tourism. In addition,

74



http://fed.edu.vn

there is a need for the government to implement laws to encourage the local residents to learn

and inherit such skills, which could ( bạn nên hạn chế dùng động từ khuyết thiếu could và

đặt nó vào ngữ cảnh câu văn cho hợp lý, bài này bạn dùng could rất nhiều, đọc rất gượng

gạo ) play a role to maintain the culture diversity.

—-> Đoạn body thứ hai này, độ dài không cân đối với body thứ nhất. Đây cũng là một trong

những tiêu chí chấm của examiner đấy bạn nhé. Để lấy từ 7.0 trở lên, bạn lưu ý là hai body

phải cân đối về độ dài một chút. Nếu bạn tập trung cho body thứ nhất, mà sơ sài ý body thứ

hai, thì sẽ chỉ được khoảng 6.0 trở xuống

In conclusion, while I accept that technology innovations have its limitations to folk skills (folk

không đi được với skills bạn nhé )and traditional customs, I contend that some of these

changes have been positive.

—-> Kết luận của bạn, không dở. Tuy nhiên nó chỉ đơn thuần lặp lại các ý đã trình bày ở

trên. Bạn nên có một câu kết luận mở để phần kết luận “đầy đặn” hơn.

75



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 2:

Today, our life is developing relentlessly, and someone believes that when a country become

more modern, it is unnecessary to protect the traditional skills and ways of life from

disappearance. In this essay, I will point some reasons why I fully disagree with this perspective.

The first reason I want to mention is that modern technology can not solve all problems in our

daily life. For examples, in the kitchen, cookers, microwaves can help you to cook many

delicious dishes; however, if the electricity is cut off, you will not be able to use them. In this

case, you must use the traditional cooking skills to finish this work. Another interesting

instance, the computers can help you many in your work, but it can not replace you in all

position. When you need to meet and negotiate with your partner, modern technology is not

able to help, you need to apply the daily skills to get the success.

The second feature I will show to prove my idea is that there are many ways of old lifestyle

which still suit the new lifestyle. For instance, the communication which perform through

modern equipment make our relationship become less loyal. Meeting yours friends, giving them

some compliments, inviting them to join a party, these activities will bring a real connection

from your friends to you.

In conclusion, the traditional skill and ways of life is indispensable in our life, I support

preserving them totally and try to combine these with the modern life.

Today, our life is developing relentlessly ( bạn ghép sai từ, developing không đi được

relentlessly. Mà giả dụ có đi được thì đặt trong bối cảnh câu văn này cũng không hợp lý) ,

and someone believes that when a country become more modern, it is unnecessary to protect

the traditional skills and ways of life from disappearance. In this essay, I will point some

reasons ( point out , không được dùng point ) why I fully disagree with this perspective.

—-> Phần introduction của bạn đã show ra kha khá lỗi về từ vựng, mà cụ thể ở đây là word choice,

collocation ( cách ghép từ). Bạn lưu ý là không phải từ nào bạn học được trong văn mẫu hay bài

báo, cũng có thể bê nguyên xi vào bài viết của mình. Bạn hãy cân nhắc là từ đó trong văn cảnh nó

mang nghĩa gì, rồi xem xét đưa vào bài của bạn có hợp lý không.

The first reason I want to mention ( Bỏ đi không cần thiết, chỉ nên dùng ngôi I trong phần

mở đầu và kết luận. Phần body nên dùng cấu trúc chủ ngữ giả, hoặc bị động thay vì dùng

ngôi I , vốn không được khách quan ) is that modern technology can not solve all problems in

our daily life. For examples, in the kitchen, cookers, microwaves can help you to cook many

delicious dishes; however, if the electricity is cut off, you will not be able to use them. In this



http://fed.edu.vn

case, you must use the traditional cooking

skills to finish this work. Another interesting

instance, the computers ( Máy tính nói

chung, chưa xác định cụ thể là cái nào nên

không có mạo từ the ) canhelp

động từ này nhiều quá, bạn có thể thay ý

này thành : computer can address some

/your daily tasks ) you many in your work,

but it can not replace you in all position. When

you need to meet and negotiate with your

partner, modern technology is not able to help,

you need to apply the daily skills

the, lý do như đã nói ở trên )

success.

—> Body thứ nhất của bạn, ý tạm ổn vì bạn

đưa ra các ví dụ support tương đ

nói một cách khác, từ vựng đã l

vận dụng từ vựng của bạn nhé.

—> Ngoài ra bạn dùng sai mạo từ the rất nhiều. The là dành cho những thứ

hết những từ mà bạn cho đi kèm v

gắng khắc phục nhé

—-> Bạn cũng dùng rất nhiều

might”, “ to be likely to”, “ to be possible to”…..

Như mình đã nói ở nhận xét trên, bạn cũng bỏ

old lifestyle which still suit

communication which perform through modern equipment

become less loyal ( Đoạn này bạn viết thành:

to-face conversation which is believed to be more truthful

yours friends, giving them some compliments, inviting them to join a party,

bring a real connection from your friends to you. ( B

do đó câu văn vụng và thiếu tự nhiên )

—-> Một điểm yếu nữa ở body thứ nhất và thứ hai là nhiều

Tiếng Anh và Tiếng Việt hoàn toàn khác h

��

case, you must use the traditional cooking

skills to finish this work. Another interesting

the computers ( Máy tính nói

ịnh cụ thể là cái nào nên

help ( bạn dùng

ạn có thể thay ý

computer can address some

) you many in your work,

but it can not replace you in all position. When

you need to meet and negotiate with your

partner, modern technology is not able to help,

the daily skills ( Bỏ mạo từ

ở trên ) to get the

ứ nhất của bạn, ý tạm ổn vì bạn đã

ương đối ổn cho câu chủ đề. Tuy nhiên, bạn sai quá nhiều về từ vựng, hay

ã làm bạn bị mất rất nhiều điểm trong bài viết này. Bạn l

nhé.

ạn dùng sai mạo từ the rất nhiều. The là dành cho những thứ đã

đi kèm với the, đều không xác định. Lỗi này lặp lại liên tục, nên bạn cố

ạn cũng dùng rất nhiều động từ “can”. Thay vào đó bạn có thể dùng những từ khác nh

might”, “ to be likely to”, “ to be possible to”….. The second feature I will show to prove my idea

ở nhận xét trên, bạn cũng bỏ đoạn này đi) is that there are many ways of

old lifestyle which still suit the ( Bỏ mạo từ the ) new lifestyle. For instance,

communication which perform through modern equipment make our relationship

ạn này bạn viết thành: online communication is not as real as face

face conversation which is believed to be more truthful and long-

yours friends, giving them some compliments, inviting them to join a party, these activiti

bring a real connection from your friends to you. ( Bạn dịch word by word, bám từ quá ,

ụng và thiếu tự nhiên )

ểm yếu nữa ở body thứ nhất và thứ hai là nhiều đoạn bạn dịch bám từ quá. Ngữ pháp

toàn khác hẳn nhau , nếu bạn dịch từng chữ một những gì bạn nghĩ

76

ề. Tuy nhiên, bạn sai quá nhiều về từ vựng, hay

ểm trong bài viết này. Bạn lưu ý về cách

ã được xác định. Hầu

ặp lại liên tục, nên bạn cố

ạn có thể dùng những từ khác như “

I will show to prove my idea (

is that there are many ways of

new lifestyle. For instance, the

make our relationship

online communication is not as real as face-

-standing ) Meeting

these activities will

ạn dịch word by word, bám từ quá ,

ạn bạn dịch bám từ quá. Ngữ pháp

ẳn nhau , nếu bạn dịch từng chữ một những gì bạn nghĩ

77



http://fed.edu.vn

trong đâu, câu văn Tiếng Anh của bạn sẽ rất gượng gạo. Cái này không phải ngày một ngày hai

bạn sẽ sửa ngay được, mà bạn cần luyện tập. Bạn có thể mua những cuốn luyện dịch Việt – Anh

hoặc tích cực đọc văn mẫu xem cách người ta dùng từ, diễn đạt thế nào nhé

In conclusion, the traditional skill and ways of life is indispensable in our life, I support

preserving them totally and try to combine these with the modern life.

—–> Kết luận của bạn cũng lặp lại những lỗi như trên ( từ vựng ghép sai, cách diễn đạt vẫn còn

lủng củng). Bạn cố gắng hơn nữa nhé. Chúc bạn sớm thành công!

78



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 3:

Technology becomes an indispensable part in daily life attached to most of aspects of life.

However, we are losing rapidly many skills as well as approach which were used for long time.

It is necessary to defense them. I personally disagree with this idea.

One the one hand, it is undeniable that technology helps our life easier than ever before. As the

result, it is true that several long-established lifestyles could not apply on daily life anymore

because they are alternated by modern tools. For example, we have used letter to send

documents and information for many years but it is less useful and convenient for now because

we can make it faster and simpler by email or message. In addition, if we try to keep some old

things, it might restrict the development. There are many conceptions become old-fashioned

that not only unsuitable in recently but also harmful for people. In case of health care, many

people in some areas still believe on wrong treatment by praying to heal diseases and do not

use any medicine or count on doctors.

One the other hand, there are many previous valuations which we have to preserve them

survival. Traditional skills and ways of life contain our history of past and we have today’s

technology development based on them. As the result, we need to keep them appear to ensure

that the next generation know about prime source of technological development. We have cars,

trains and planes to travel thanks to a plenty of years people travel by horse, camel or even

walking. Furthermore, it is evident that technology cannot replace all of old approaches. In daily

life, people might not use technology to solve with all of problems. For example, we use lifts to

move in high building but if one day the electricity is cut off, it seems be a big challenge if we

have never tried the stair.

In conclusion, I believe that it is important to keep surviving the ways of doing things which

development technology makes them disappeared

Technology becomes an indispensable part in daily life attached to most of aspects of life (

An indispensable in daily life và attached …… of life về cơ bản ko khác nhau về ý nghĩa,

nên bạn bỏ đoạn “attached to most …. life” đi nhé) . However, we are losing rapidly many

skills as well as approach ( approaches ) which were used for long time. It is necessary to

defense them. I personally disagree with this idea. ( bạn nên có thêm câu for the following

reasons nhé )

One the other hand, there are many previous valuations which wehave to ( bạn ko nên dùng

những từ như must, have to trong Task II, vì như thể là mình đang tuyệt đối hóa nhé. Bạn



http://fed.edu.vn

thay bằng should nhé )

survival. Traditional skills and ways of life

contain our history of past and we

today’s technology development ( b

thế bằng những khác nhé, dịch bám từ quá )

) based on them. As the result, we need to

keep them appear to ensure that the ne

generation know about prime source of

technological development. We have cars,

trains and planes to travel thanks to a plenty of

years people travel by horse, camel or even

walking. Furthermore, it is evident that

technology cannot replace all of old

approaches. In daily life, people might not use

technology to solve with all of problems. For

example, we use lifts to move in

off, it seems be a big challenge ( dùng, t

máy mất điện, phải đi cầu thang bộ,

nhé. Đây là vấn đề diễn đạt nữa )

In conclusion, I believe that it is important to keep surviving

thay thế những từ khác nhé,

technology ( technological development )

—–> Tóm lại, kỹ năng viết của bạn mà bao gồm là từ vựng, cách khai triển, diễn

khắc phục nhiều hơn. Đặc biết, bạn mắc khá nhiều lỗi khái quát hóa ( tức là chỉ

lướt sang ý khác , mà ko trình bày cụ thể ). Khi

văn cảnh của chúng trong bài nhé

��

preserve them

survival. Traditional skills and ways of life

contain our history of past and we have

today’s technology development ( bạn thay

ế bằng những khác nhé, dịch bám từ quá )

based on them. As the result, we need to

keep them appear to ensure that the next

generation know about prime source of

technological development. We have cars,

trains and planes to travel thanks to a plenty of

years people travel by horse, camel or even

walking. Furthermore, it is evident that

technology cannot replace all of old

proaches. In daily life, people might not use

technology to solve with all of problems. For

example, we use lifts to move in high building ( số nhiều ) but if one day the electricity is cut

a big challenge ( dùng, từ này bạn cường điệu vấn đề quá mức. Việc thang

ầu thang bộ, đúng là khó chịu nhưng ko đến mức big challenge bạn

ạt nữa ) if we have never tried the stair.

In conclusion, I believe that it is important to keep surviving the ways of doing things ( b

ế những từ khác nhé, đừng dịch bám từ như vậy ) which

( technological development ) makes them disappeared

ết của bạn mà bao gồm là từ vựng, cách khai triển, diễn

ặc biết, bạn mắc khá nhiều lỗi khái quát hóa ( tức là chỉ

ớt sang ý khác , mà ko trình bày cụ thể ). Khi ghép từ, lựa chọn từ vựng, hãy chú ý

ảnh của chúng trong bài nhé

79

but if one day the electricity is cut

ề quá mức. Việc thang

ến mức big challenge bạn

of doing things ( bạn

which development

ết của bạn mà bao gồm là từ vựng, cách khai triển, diễn đạt ý cần

ặc biết, bạn mắc khá nhiều lỗi khái quát hóa ( tức là chỉ đề cập, rồi

ừ, lựa chọn từ vựng, hãy chú ý đến

80



http://fed.edu.vn

Bài 4:

We are living in the period of technology. Technology is becoming an indispendable part of our

life. While a country is developing it’s technology, it’s traditional skills and ways of life are

nearly disappeared. Some people may think that we don’t need to keep it alive. While I partly

agree with this attitude, I still believe that traditional life styles still affect our life in some ways.

On the one hand, I accept that it is pointless to try and keep our traditional skills alive. In my

opinion, traditional skills are now old-fashioned. They prefer using labour than technology. But

nowaday, technology is becoming more and more important, it make working easier. With

technology, we can do impossible things. Keeping traditional skills may prevent the

development of techonology. In the world, countries which are using tradition way to develop

are always poor countries. Furthermore, some traditional ways of life are wrong. For instance,

traditional people usually prefer boys than girls, this lead our social to gender imbalance these

day.

One the other hand, I belive that tradditional skills and ways of life are not always bad. We still

need to preserve them in order to remember our past, to express gratitudes to our ancestors.

More over, there are many things we can not do with technology like traditional arts.

Recognized the beauty of them, our world created UNESCO to maitain and protect them.

Furthermore, traditional life styles teach us to respect our parent, respect the older, be kind

with the younger,… They make our life better.

In conclusion, while developing technology, we don’t need to maintain all of the traditional skills

and ways of life. But letting them die will lead us to many troubles. Traditional selection for

conversation is the best way to do and it will make our life better.

We are living in the period of technology ( Bạn thay period of the technology bằng

technology age , câu văn sẽ hay hơn hẳn. Ngoài ra để tránh lặp lại từ Technology bạn có

thể thay bằng digital age ) . Technology is becoming an indispendable part of our life. While a

country is developing it’s technology ( câu này của bạn vụng quá ) , it’s traditional skills and

ways of life are nearly disappeared. Some people may think that we don’t need to keep it alive.

While I partly agree with this attitude, I still believe that traditional life styles still affect our life

in some ways.

On the one hand, I accept that it is pointless to try and keep our traditional skills alive ( câu

này bạn nhắc lại nguyên văn các từ đề đã cho, bạn phải sử dụng từ của mình nhé ) . In my

opinion, traditional skills are now old-fashioned. They ( They ở đây là ai? Các câu trước bạn

81



http://fed.edu.vn

phải nhắc đối tượng chỉ người nào đó, thì câu này mới dùng they được ) prefer using

labour than technology ( sai ngữ pháp, prefer sth to sth, ko phải than bạn nhé ) .

Butnowaday ( nowadays, phải có s) , technology is becoming more and more important, it

make working easier ( Sau make là một tính từ, hoặc V nguyên thể ko to bạn nhé. Cấu trức

Make sbody do/adj) . With technology, we can do impossible things. Keeping traditional

skills may prevent the development of techonology. In the world, countries which are

using tradition way to develop are always poor countries. Furthermore, some traditional

ways of life are wrong. For instance, traditional people usually prefer boys than girls, this

lead our social to gender imbalance these day. ( Đoạn này của bạn mắc rất nhiều lỗi .

Thực sự mình cảm thấy rất khó chữa cho bạn đoạn này. Không phải mình không chữa

được, mà mình đang cảm thấy khó để nói sao cho bạn hiểu. Cụ thể là bạn mắc lỗi khái

quát hóa. Bạn nói là gìn giữ những giá trị truyền thống có thể làm chậm quá trình phát

triển của công nghệ, nhưng ko đưa ví dụ, lý giải rõ ràng. Hơn nữa, mình cũng ko thể

khẳng định, những quốc gia đang áp dụng những nguyên tắc cách thức truyền thống là

những quốc gia luôn nghèo. Như thế là quy chụp bạn nhé )

One the other hand, I belive that ( Bạn sử dụng ngôi I nhiều quá, Ngôi I chỉ nên sử dụng ở

phần mở bài hoặc kết luận . Việc sử dụng ngôi I sẽ làm bài viết của bạn thiếu tính khách

quan. Thay vì thế, bạn có thể sử dụng cấu trúc như There is a widespread belief chẳng

hạn ) tradditional skills and ways of life are not always bad. We still need to preserve them in

order to remember our past, to express gratitudes to our ancestors. More over, there are many

things (manythings ở đây là gì, bạn chưa nói rõ ) we can not do with technology like

traditional arts. Recognized the beauty of them, our world created UNESCO to maitain and

protect them. Furthermore, traditional life styles teach us to respect our parent, respect the

older, be kind with the younger,… They make our life better.



http://fed.edu.vn

In conclusion, while developing technology, we

don’t need to maintain all of the traditional

skills and ways of life. But letting them die will

lead us to many troubles. Traditional selection

for conversation is the best way

academic yêu cầu sự khách quan, do

không được dùng những tính từ , trang từ

chỉ sự tuyết đối, so sánh nhất nh

nhé ) to do and it will make our life better.

Important notes:

Nói tóm lại, bài của bạn mắc rất nhiều lỗi

trong việc triển khai ý, cách diễn

pháp, từ vựng . Bạn phải dành nhiều thời

gian ôn luyện và nên đi học một khóa Viết

thầy cô sửa lỗi cho bạn. Thực lòng mà nói, bạn sẽ khó mà tự học

tại đấy!

��

In conclusion, while developing technology, we

don’t need to maintain all of the traditional

skills and ways of life. But letting them die will

many troubles. Traditional selection

is the best way ( Văn phong

ầu sự khách quan, do đó bạn

ợc dùng những tính từ , trang từ

ối, so sánh nhất như the best

to do and it will make our life better.

ại, bài của bạn mắc rất nhiều lỗi

ệc triển khai ý, cách diễn đạt, ngữ

ừ vựng . Bạn phải dành nhiều thời

ọc một khóa Viết để

ầy cô sửa lỗi cho bạn. Thực lòng mà nói, bạn sẽ khó mà tự học được với trình

82

ợc với trình độ như hiện

83



http://fed.edu.vn

ĐÓN XEM

TUYỂN TẬP BÀI CHỮA IELTS

WRITING TẬP 2

ielts writing collection 2015

Education