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Workbook One Desires matter!
Put yourself in John’s place. You have died clutching...well, something. What is it? What do you find yourself going back to again and again in your thoughts? What makes you envious when you see someone else with it?
Things I want that I don’t have (my top ten):
1._____________________________________________________________________
2._____________________________________________________________________
3._____________________________________________________________________
4._____________________________________________________________________
5._____________________________________________________________________
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7._____________________________________________________________________
8._____________________________________________________________________
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10.___________________________________________________________________
Now we need to try to group these things into categories. So looking at what you
listed, circle any of the following categories which describe your desires.
1. material things
2. affirmation/acceptance
3. emotional connection
4. physical health
5. physical satisfaction /pleasure
6. leisure time
7. perfection
8. control or power, over things or people
9. recognition
10. physical, intellectual, or spiritual attributes and gifts
11. life circumstances (a different job, place of residence, boss, family, etc.)
12. Other ______________________________________
Here is your Olympic stand. Fill it in with your top three desires from the previous pages (you can list either specific desires or categories of desire):
Do you desire your own happiness? Yes No
Of course you do. Do you know that you necessarily will your own happiness (that
means you can’t not want it)? Yes No
I hope you answered yes to the above questions because you are supposed to
desire your own happiness. You were created to be happy and striving to make
ourselves happy is at the bottom of everything we do.
Now, here is the tricky question. Do you believe that God also desires your
happiness—as much as you do? Yes No
Workbook Two
At the heart of everything we desire (except the act of sin) is a certain good which
exists in a more perfect way in God. Find the God behind your desires.
Describe what you find when you turn the knob, and enter the land of your own
desire. Open your door—what do you see? ______________________________________________________________________________
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Now, try to identify specific qualities which are inherent in the things behind
your door. We remember that von Balthasar told us that we can only discover what
God is trying to tell us by abstracting or pulling something spiritual and invisible out
of something that is corporeal and visible. So we need to ask ourselves, “What is it
specifically that I am seeking in this thing/person/place, experience, etc…?” See if
you can find the qualities of truth, beauty, oneness, and goodness at the bottom of
some of the things behind your door. We need not, however, limit ourselves to these
four qualities alone. Maybe it is magic or mystery that you love, or adventure, or
security, or pleasure, or love itself. Maybe you just want a peaceful life. Or something
else? What is it for you?
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Finally, try to make this comparison: You are sitting at the dinner table with
two plates in front of you. On the first is a dead fly. On the second, a filet mignon
(cooked however you like it) and a glass of merlot. (If you don’t like filet mignon and
merlot, then put something on that plate that you do like).
You are starving. Which plate would you choose?
Plate #1 Plate #2
Dead fly merlot and filet mignon or
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Now, put your flies on the first plate (these represent all of the things behind your
magical door). And put God on the second plate—but do it like this: put all of the
qualities which you listed above which you extracted from the things you desire as their
essential element. These qualities in their perfections exist in God and they exist in
Him infinitely.
Which plate would you choose? (be honest)
Plate #1, My Flies Plate #2, The qualities of my flies as they
exist perfectly and infinitely in God
Why?
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Workbook Three
God is always trying to get our attention so that He can give us what we desire.
Sometimes He allows painful things to happen to us so that we will look up at Him.
What are my sticks? What are those things, people, situations, etc., which
catapult (or crawl) into my world of flies and prevent me from getting what I want or
cause me pain in any way?
MY STICKS
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If you are like me, these lines could go on for a few pages and you would still be
able to fill them up. However, this list is really just to get you started. A good practice
is to examine your sticks on a daily basis so you can see patterns. Ask yourself every
night, “What sticks came in to my pond today, and what was my reaction to them?”
Now be a spectator at your own pond. Why would you be cheering for your
sticks? To answer this question, ask yourself another question: In terms of “making
room for”, what is it on the platter that God is holding for me, prepared especially for
me, to feed me? In other words, what do I need to fulfill my capacity for disinterested
self-gift?
Here are some suggestions (circle all that apply):
humility generosity hope
charity (love) faithfulness wisdom
patience compassion prudence
self-sacrifice goodness joy
knowledge (of God and self) gentleness faith
truthfulness kindness moderation
justice modesty meekness
temperance chastity peace
courage obedience diligence
forgiveness
Other: __________________________________________
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I am cheering for the stick because I need (list the top three qualities from the above
list that you think apply to you):
1. _____________________________________
2. _____________________________________
3. _____________________________________
Workbook Four
Prayer is the key to the gates of our interiority—that place where our disordered
desires are put into proper order so that we can enjoy them.
How badly do you want to fulfill your essence as disinterested self-gift? In other
words, what would you like to do for eternity (the real world): make mud pies in a
slum, or enjoy a holiday at sea? Circle one:
a. I have a strong desire for a holiday at sea and am willing to do whatever
it takes to get there.
b. I prefer slums and mud pies and will not be making this commitment.
My place to “sit alone with God” is
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My time to “sit alone with God” is
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Workbook Five
The things, events, and encounters with other people in our lives are, on one level,
merely props on our own stage of life. If we want to see meaning and true reality in the
things on our stage, we need to step off of our stage and into encounter with the Lord.
How would you respond to Edward?
1. I respond by talking to other co-workers, family, or friends about the
situation and letting these people know just what I think of Edward for being
such a jerk. Co-workers, family, and friends agree and help me “feel better” by
gossiping about all of Edward’s bad qualities, whether real or perceived. This
gossip gives me a great satisfaction and reinforces my thought that I am better
than Edward. Pride.
2. I respond by mulling over the injustice Edward has done to me. This
injustice is blown out of proportion in my mind and results in self-pity and
resentment. These feelings are sometimes taken out on my family and other
friends. Self-pity.
3. I respond by avoiding, at all costs, any confrontation with Edward.
Cowardice.
4. I respond by coming up with a plan so that, when humiliated by Edward in
the future, I will have a scathing retort. Anger.
5. I respond by accepting the situation, at least exteriorly, because I know
there is nothing I can do. But interiorly, I am frustrated, unhappy, and just
hoping I am around to see the day when Edward gets his just desserts.
Revenge.
What would you do? (Once again, it is important to be honest with yourself.)
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So what is it that a person loves inordinately in the above scenario with Edward?
Some possibilities are:
praise
self-pity
understanding
revenge
peace (not a true interior peace that is able to be kept in the midst of all sorts of troubles, but a false exterior peace that is simply a fear of confrontation)
one’s own ego
a sense of superiority
And as God holds His breath and you vacillate between lashing into Edward
and opening yourself up to God’s life of virtue, you hear Romano Guardini’s voice
coming from somewhere and reminding you that “ultimately all being must be
personally determined. That is what it is waiting for.”1 And you realize that at this
moment in time—not any other moment but this one—a part of your being is awaiting
determination. The greatness of work is inside you! This is a moment pregnant with
possibility!
1 Guardini, The Lord, 139.
What say you?
Well, what would you say? (circle one)
1. “No possible way, I can’t stand Edward! And nothing I could possibly gain from
this is worth humbling myself in front of him!”
2. “Ummmm...maybe...I...um...well...maybe not.”
3. “Not now—next time.”
4. “This absolutely stinks, and I can’t believe You are making me do this but fine!
Have it Your way!”
5. “This isn’t fair!” (as you kick at the black shoe in front of you and call it a
blankety-blank for allowing this latest stick)
6. “Yes. Be it done unto me according to Your Word!”
Something else
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my Edward
To help you in your transition from seeing the stage of your life as the only
reality to seeing the eternal encounter as the true reality, the existence behind your
props which gives them their true meaning, you might want to list your “Edwards”.
By this, I mean list some of the things on your stage that cause you to sin or at least
to lose your sense of peace. Examine them. Try to find God behind them. Here are a
few suggestions:
illness
personality traits of those close to us
job situations
home situations
the amount of money/possessions we have/don’t have
our own deficiencies/gifts
our looks
feelings/emotions
things that annoy us
misfortunes of any kind
limitations—our own or those of others
things that humiliate us
The list is really exhaustless, but these examples are a start. Pick something (your
Edward).
My Edward(s) (this exercise is similar to what we did in the Chapter Three Workbook
section when we listed our “sticks”):
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How do you react to your Edward(s)? Specifically, try to see what is going on inside
you and how your emotions and feelings or maybe preconceived ideas cause you to
react. What role does your ego play?
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Now, find God behind Edward. What is He saying to you? How is He trying to replace
your vices with virtues (again, very similar to Chapter Three Workbook)?
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How will you respond to the God behind your Edward?
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Who occupies the top tier of your Olympic medal stand in your response, God or your
ego? ____________________________
How is your response determining your being (try to use words such as “fullness,”
“capacity,” “gift,” “open,” “closed,” and “making room for”)?
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What, in your Edward scenario, are the props on your stage?
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And finally, what, in your response to Edward, is more important to you:
My Props Encounter with Christ
(which leads me in an (which helps me to be all
endless circle) that I am)
Workbook Six
Authentic Subjectivity includes both the truth of your unique subjectivity, your
new name, and an objective truth which exists outside of yourself.
The purity of the spirit is dependent upon truth. A spirit is pure when it makes clear-cut distinctions between great and little, good and bad; when it refuses to bend yes into no and no into yes, but keeps them undistorted by a straight either-or. This doesn’t mean that with the resultant clarity the good is also already accomplished and the bad avoided; it means something much more elementary: that virtue is never called vice, and vice virtue. Purity of spirit lies at the beginning of things, there where the first stirrings set in, where conceptions of being and doing are formed. It is that initial authenticity in which the true meaning of words is grounded and their relation to each other is corrected, their edges are trimmed. Spirit becomes impure through essential dishonesty. When it attempts to call evil good, it becomes essentially corrupt. A lie is always evil, but, worse than its conscious evil is loss of the fundamental sense of truth. The spirit that errs is not yet impure—for example when it judges facts falsely, uses words incorrectly, confuses images. It is impure when it is indifferent to truth; when it no longer desires to think clearly or to measure by the standards of eternity; when it no longer knows that the dignity and honor of truth are its own dignity and honor; when it besmudges the sense of words—which is the sense of things and of existence itself—robbing them of their austerity and nobility.2
Do you have patterns of “indifference to truth”? What are they? Are there
things you refuse to think about because you are calling virtue vice and vice virtue?
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2 Guardini, The Lord, 576-577.
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Guardini’s passage mentions the “beginning of things, there where the first
stirrings set in, where conceptions of being and doing are formed.” If you have your
own patterns of indifference to truth, are you willing to go back to the beginnings of
these thoughts and situations in your life—to where the conceptions of being and
doing are formed? How will you do this?
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List the strengths and weaknesses of yourself that you already know or that
you find after taking a temperament test.
My Strengths:
1._____________________________________________________________________
2._____________________________________________________________________
3._____________________________________________________________________
4._____________________________________________________________________
5._____________________________________________________________________
My Weaknesses:
1._____________________________________________________________________
2._____________________________________________________________________
3._____________________________________________________________________
4._____________________________________________________________________
5._____________________________________________________________________
Have your patterns of indifference to (or even outright rejection of) the truth
given you a distorted image of who God is? Who is He to you? Here are some
questions to help you draw out your ideas:
Is God someone who can be trusted (are His signs always reliable)?
Is He a God “jealous of his prerogatives” as the quotation says above? How so?
Does He matter (or can you find pizza by yourself)?
When He allows you to be whacked by a stick and lose your fly, is it always for
a good reason? (You don’t necessarily need to know what the reason is in
order to believe this to be true.)
Does He speak your language? Do you speak His language?
Why did He create you?
My ideas of God: (as in, “God is a Being who...”)
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Choose a few people who play major roles in your life. Maybe try to choose at
least one who drives you nuts (Edward?). List what you believe to be their strengths
and weaknesses. This will help you to develop a whole picture, to see the whole
puzzle.
Neighbor 1.________________________________________________
Strengths:
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2._____________________________________________________________________
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5._____________________________________________________________________
Weaknesses:
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2._____________________________________________________________________
3._____________________________________________________________________
Neighbor 2.___________________________________________
Strengths:
1._____________________________________________________________________
2._____________________________________________________________________
3._____________________________________________________________________
4._____________________________________________________________________
5._____________________________________________________________________
Weaknesses:
1._____________________________________________________________________
2._____________________________________________________________________
3._____________________________________________________________________
Extra Workbook Pages
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Extra Workbook Pages: Lists
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Comparison Pages: How Have I Changed?
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My results now are:
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What does this change in my being have to do with my essence as “Making Room For”? (or you can call it your capacity for “disinterested self-gift”)
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Are my desires being reordered? How?
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