I wish I could disappear12/08/2012 12:50 AMmaestus14 postsMemberI don't know what's going on with me today. My mind keeps replaying memories I sometimes wish I didn't have. I wish I could just be so intoxicated that I can't even spell the letter A. I want to break down and cry, I want to scream until my voice is gone, I want to leave myself behind and be someone new. I'm so weary of this hell...I'm overly done with all the s*** in my head and the continuous yo-yo my heart seems to feel is paramount in my day to day. Sitting here alone @ three thirty in the morning in my friend's living room unable to sleep fills me with so much despair. I don't know why I can't seem to allow myself the luxury of happiness. Why do I torture myself with past mistakes? Why can't I let go of my sorrow? Why do I feel this pain is my burdenous responsibility? Why can I not seem to find serenity and keep it? What mustI do in order to be happy...to be placid...to feel whole again? These feelings are becoming more frequent and more intolerable. My very soul feels stretched to it's fiberous being. My grip is beginning to loosen and I fear the void I shall disappear into should I fall.