Husband Had Affair with Another Woman - How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Her

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After discovering your husband had affair with another woman, it is not uncommon to find yourself constantly comparing yourself to her, whether you have ever seen her or not. As if learning about the cheating wasn’t turmoil enough, now you are dealing with internal dialogue and conflict directed at you by yourself.

Husband Had Affair with Another Woman - How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Her

http://www.marriage-sherpa.info

After discovering your husband had affair with another woman, it is not uncommon to find yourself constantly comparing yourself to her, whether you have ever seen her or not. As if learning about the cheating wasn’t turmoil enough, now you are dealing with internal dialogue and conflict directed at you by yourself.

If you are experiencing this inner conflict, I am going to talk to you today about some ways that you can stop these mental gymnastics and move forward with recovering from your husband having had an affair.

The Negative Effects on Self-Esteem

It is certainly normal for you to begin feeling a level of self-doubt when you have discovered an affair, but when you being to experience a negative barrage of internal dialogue with yourself, beating yourself up mentally, you can find yourself doing damage to your self-esteem. The constant daily questioning and indeed putting down of yourself is harmful over time and you want to put an end to it.

The Negative Effects on Self-Esteem

It is certainly normal for you to begin feeling a level of self-doubt when you have discovered an affair, but when you being to experience a negative barrage of internal dialogue with yourself, beating yourself up mentally, you can find yourself doing damage to your self-esteem. The constant daily questioning and indeed putting down of yourself is harmful over time and you want to put an end to it.

Finding out that your spouse has strayed outside the boundaries of your marriage is already a blow to your self-confidence. You may find yourself asking, “Am I really the wife I thought I was?” or “What have I been doing wrong?” These questions are quite natural and frankly some self evaluation is necessary at this stage when recovering from your husband having had an affair with another woman.

But sometimes these questions are compounded with others such as, “Is she prettier than I am?” or “Is she in better shape than me?” or even “Is she smarter or more interesting than I am?” When this occurs, it has a compounding effect and can really do harm to your esteem.

But sometimes these questions are compounded with others such as, “Is she prettier than I am?” or “Is she in better shape than me?” or even “Is she smarter or more interesting than I am?” When this occurs, it has a compounding effect and can really do harm to your esteem.

So let’s look at some proven steps that will help you to get you back on track and bring these comparisons not only under control, but to eliminate them entirely.

But sometimes these questions are compounded with others such as, “Is she prettier than I am?” or “Is she in better shape than me?” or even “Is she smarter or more interesting than I am?” When this occurs, it has a compounding effect and can really do harm to your esteem.

So let’s look at some proven steps that will help you to get you back on track and bring these comparisons not only under control, but to eliminate them entirely.

Analyze Your Inner Dialogue

The mind games and stream of thoughts that go through your head after infidelity are many. Even without the comparisons to his paramour, the flood of thoughts can be overwhelming. The first thing you will need to do to bring the comparisons under control is to document to yourself exactly what it is you keep saying to yourself. If it helps, actually write down the thoughts that keep going through your head.

You Need to Knock the Other Woman off the Pedestal

You need to then overcome and challenge these comparative thoughts you are having by knocking the mental image you have of the other woman off the pedestal you have placed her on. Generally, when you are plagued by these thoughts, you assume the other woman must be some sort of “gift from God.”

You Need to Knock the Other Woman off the Pedestal

You need to then overcome and challenge these comparative thoughts you are having by knocking the mental image you have of the other woman off the pedestal you have placed her on. Generally, when you are plagued by these thoughts, you assume the other woman must be some sort of “gift from God.”

Yet you need to realize that if she was so truly amazing, she wouldn’t be having an affair in the first place. The fact that you have been loyal to your husband already puts you in a class far beyond her. You need to remind yourself of that fact often.

Come Up with a New Image of the Other Woman

Once you begin to make progress in your task of knocking her off of her pedestal, you need to create a new mental image of her. And don’t be afraid to have a little fun with this step. After all, the images in your head ARE yours and they are, in fact, controlled by you, so do with them what you will.

Come Up with a New Image of the Other Woman

Once you begin to make progress in your task of knocking her off of her pedestal, you need to create a new mental image of her. And don’t be afraid to have a little fun with this step. After all, the images in your head ARE yours and they are, in fact, controlled by you, so do with them what you will.

If you think that she might be more attractive than you, picture her with a big wart on her nose. If you think she may be more fit than you, imagine her being obese and standing in line at a fast food chain. If you have been imagining her being incredibly witty, then picture her having a hideous laugh.

Time to Put Yourself up on the Pedestal

As you begin to alter the image of her, it is time to reaffirm the image of yourself and take your rightful place back on the pedestal. Sit down and make a list of your wonderful qualities. You may be a very caring person. Perhaps you are a great mother. Maybe you even have great legs! But put down as many positive attributes of yourself as you can think of.

Time to Put Yourself up on the Pedestal

As you begin to alter the image of her, it is time to reaffirm the image of yourself and take your rightful place back on the pedestal. Sit down and make a list of your wonderful qualities. You may be a very caring person. Perhaps you are a great mother. Maybe you even have great legs! But put down as many positive attributes of yourself as you can think of.

When you feel the negative comparisons to her creeping in, get your list out and read it to yourself. In fact, you may want to read it out loud to yourself. Once you have done this for a period of time, you will find that this self-affirmation is very effective and you will be able to gain control and eliminate these comparisons once and for all.

If your husband had affair with another woman, preventing comparison to her is just one step on your road to recovery. To indeed restore yourself, the trust, and save your marriage from divorce, start by downloading this FREE 10 STEP GUIDE from renowned expert Dr. Frank Gunzburg. Click here now for instant access.

Taylor Ranidae is passionate about love and relationships and writes articles focusing on helping people save their relationships and marriages. Her articles are a must read for anyone who is looking to either salvage or further enhance their relationship.