Humorous golf quotes

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<p>PowerPoint Presentation</p> <p>Humorous Golf QuotesFrom Golf Addicts who do it for fun!</p> <p>"If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right." ---Bob Hope Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. ---P.J. O'RourkeGolf is essentially an exercise in masochism conducted out-of-doors. ---Paul O'Neil (Baseball player)</p> <p>I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105. Bob HopeGolf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens. Id give up golf if I didnt have so many sweaters. "I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there."</p> <p>Few things draw men together more surely than a natural inability to master golf, coupled with an intense and ever-increasing love for the game. ~ ~ P. G. Wodehouse</p> <p>Golf is a good walk spoiled. ~ ~ Mark TwainYou can't call it a sport. You don't run, jump, you don't shoot, you don't pass. All you have to do is buy some clothes that don't match. ~ ~Steve Sax </p> <p>He who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. ~ Mickey Mantle</p> <p>The only sure rule in golf is::</p> <p>Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. ~ Bob Williams </p> <p>Although Golf was originally restricted to wealthy Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. ~ Dave Barry</p> <p>I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them! ~~ Buddy HackettWhile playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. ~ Henny Youngman</p> <p>The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. ~Phyllis DillerI play in the low 80s. If its any hotter than that, I wont play.~Joe E. Lewis</p> <p>They say practice makes perfect. Of course, it doesnt. For the vast majority of golfers it merely consolidates imperfection. </p> <p>~ Henry Longhurst.</p> <p>Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around. ~ Rick Reilly</p> <p>If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. ~ ~ Jesse Smith, writerMy favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered. ~ ~ Lord Robertson</p> <p>I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies. ~ ~Will Rogers</p> <p>I was three over today: One over a house, one over a patio and one over a swimming pool. ~ ~ George Brett</p> <p>The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things. ~John Updike</p> <p>If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. ~ Dean MartinIn golf as in life its the follow through that makes the difference.~ ~ Anonymous</p> <p>Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.</p> <p> ~Author Unknown</p> <p>Golf Defined:Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.</p> <p>Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. ~ ~ Jack Benny</p> <p>Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom. </p> <p>~ ~Michael Green, The Art of Coarse Golf, 1967</p> <p>Anything I want it to be. For instance, this hole right here is a par 47 and yesterday I birdied the sucker.</p> <p>Willie Nelson was asked what par is on a golf course he purchased near Austin, Texas. He answered: </p> <p>Ninety percent of putts that are short, dont go in.~ ~ Yogi Berra</p> <p>Alex Karras, Detroit Lions defensive lineman, to a startled employee, after hitting a golf ball off the first tee through a large plate glass window in the clubhouse: Hey, is this room out of bounds?</p> <p>My best score ever is 103, but Ive only been playing 15 years.~ ~ Alex Karras</p> <p>It took me17 years to get3,000 hits in baseball.</p> <p>I did it in one afternoonon thegolf course.</p> <p>~ ~ ~ Hank Aaron</p> <p>Gerald Ford"I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose." Dwight D. EisenhowerHow has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now. Woodrow WilsonGolf is an ineffectual attempt to put an elusive ball into an obscure hole with implements ill-adapted to the purpose. John F. Kennedy Show me a man with a great golf game, and Ill show you a man who has been neglecting something.My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.</p> <p>It Has Made Me Yell, Curse And Cry,I Hate Myself And Want To Die.It Promises A Thing Called Par,If I Can Hit It Straight And Far.</p> <p>To Master Such A Tiny Ball,Should Not Be Very Hard At All.But My Desires The Ball Refuses,And Does Exactly As It Chooses.</p> <p>It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,And Swear That I Will Give It Up.And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,But The Ball Knows ... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.</p>