how to maintain a relationship in medical school
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How to Maintain a Relationship in Medical School. Overview. Effective communication Time management Money matters. Effective Communiation Skills. Softened Start-ups (Gottman, 2002) David Burns (1999) Professional Communication & Teamwork (Cohen, 2008). - PowerPoint PPT PresentationTRANSCRIPT
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How to Maintain a Relationship in Medical School
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Overview Effective communication
Time management
Money matters
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Effective Communiation Skills Softened Start-ups (Gottman,
2002) David Burns (1999) Professional Communication &
Teamwork (Cohen, 2008)
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Softened Start-Up Rules (Gottman Institute, 2002)
Complain, but don’t blame Start statements with “I” instead
of “you” Describe what is happening, don’t
evaluate or judge Talk clearly about what you need Be polite Give appreciation Don’t store things up
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Effective Listening Skills (Burns, 1999)
Using the Disarming Technique Law of Opposites – find the truth & agree Use “I feel” statements non-defensively Avoid getting into who is “right” or
“wrong” Using Empathy Using Inquiry
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Professional Communication & Teamwork (Cohen, 2008) Don’t expect perfection Choose your fights Talk directly to the person Talk behind closed doors Be cool, calm & collected Be open to different interpretations of
the same event
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Professional Communication & Teamwork (Cohen, 2008) Intervene early Establish a goal for the interaction Empathize / find the truth in what
they are saying Ask for clarifying details Good professional relationships do not
mean you have to be friends
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So, What does Dr. Phil have to say about this? Take it private & keep it private Keep it relevant Keep it real Avoid character assassination Remain task-oriented Allow the other person to retreat
with dignity Be proportional in your intensity There’s a time limit
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TIME: Priorities What is in your pie?*School & studying * Significant other * Immediate family & friends, * Work * Life fillers (yard work, grocery
shopping, bills, meal prep, cleaning, sleep).
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Time Management Have a BALANCED plan!• Mental, Physical, Emotional, &
Spiritual
• All work & no play =
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Use a planner or scheduling program Prioritize your To-Do list (ABC method)• A- Must Do• B- Should Do• C- Could Do Participate in study group Optimize based on your body clock
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Obstacle to Time Management Over Scheduling
Over Accessibility
Tyranny of the Urgent!
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Procrastination
Anxiety/Depression
Perfectionism
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The Money Paradox We don’t talk about money while we
are dating, but then it becomes the bane of many long-term relationships
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Money Matters:Did you know…..? 43.2% of all graduate and professional students
are married ½ of all couples disagree about their net worth
by 30% ½ of all couples give income figures that differ
by more than $2,000 per year 10% of all couples give incomes figures that
differ by more than $15,000 per year 80% of couples that divorce by age 30 report
financial problems are the primary cause of marital conflict
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Why is $$$ so tough to talk about?
Unromantic Spend and save Invest Financial
responsibility Measure of self-worth Power and control Inequitable incomes
Yours, mine or ours No negotiation occurs Credit cards – yikes Unrealistic
expectations Mutual trust Crisis oriented
discussions
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Why Should Couples Talk About $$ Positive and rewarding interactions Constructive changes in spending and saving Enhance joint decision making Empowers partners to be committed to and
involved in the relationship Builds confidence in problem-solving abilities Promotes equity Defines shared financial goals, aspirations, etc.
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Tips for Talking Relationship 1st, $$ 2nd
What is happening in the relationship that makes money talk tough?
Schedule a time Don’t wait for a crisis
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Tips…. Listen without judgment Seek input, don’t dominate Think “problem solving” Actively listen Be open to alternative solutions Compromise
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Tips Understand your values and the
values of your partner: Money equals success and power Money equals security Money equals good feelings Money equals independence
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Questions to Ask your Partner Is our current approach to money
management working for us? How much money do we earn
together? How much money do we want to
spend? What kinds of purchases must we
agree on?
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Questions… How much money can we each spend
without consulting the other? How much money do we want to
save? Where will we put the money we
save? Should we have separate or joint
checking accounts?