how to be happy: follow these five easy steps | life and style | the guardian

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How to be happy: follow these fiveeasy stepsFrom a young age we are told to aim high. Yet the more driven we are, the more

likely we are to feel miserable, says happiness expert Raj Raghunathan. Heres

what we should try instead

Emma Cook

Saturday 23 April 2016 08.30

BST

The key to happiness, according to the latest research, is knowingwhere to look. Were conditioned from a young age to aim highand seek ful!lment in a better job, fresh achievement and further

success and yet these goals are more likely to make us miserable. Ifwere driven, it may hold us back, says Dr Raj Raghunathan at theUniversity of Texas. His research shows that supposedly successfuland intelligent people dont make life choices that lead to happiness.He noticed that after a reunion with his PhD class, the more visibletheir achievements work promotions, pay rises, fancy holidays and

bigger homes the more unful!lled and distracted they seemedoverall.

As a result he started to research why certain psychological traits thedesire to control, to feel important, needed and wanted are the veryones that can get in the way of our wellbeing. He identi!es !ve keyareas that can have a huge e"ect on our wellbeing all of which arewithin our control.

Dont pursue happinessIts a bit of a balancing act but we need to prioritise rather than chasehappiness. The di"erence is crucial. Many of us believe, in theory, thatits important and rank it above being intelligent and making money,and yet in reality we sacri!ce happiness for other things. Take steps toincrease the odds of feeling happy rather than obsessing about

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whether or not you feel happy.

First steps Recognise what makes you happy hanging out withfriends, visiting the countryside, getting a good nights sleep.Whatever it is, make a list and prioritise those things.

Take responsibilityNever blame others for your unhappiness. Tell yourself its in your ownhands, whatever the outcome. We have the power and ability tocontrol our own thoughts and feelings, regardless of what is happeningto us externally. Feeling in control internally is highly liberating andwill make you feel happier.

First steps Arguably the most powerful way to take internal control isto have a healthier lifestyle. Start by taking care of yourself; be a littlemore active each day, eat one extra piece of fruit, be aware of whichphysical activities make you feel better and make them part of yourroutine.

Dont compareIf you tether your happiness to feeling superior to others, youll be

frustrated a lot of the time. Even if you think youre doing better thanyour peers, sooner or later someone will overtake you. If not, age willcatch up. Comparisons can be tempting we use them as a way to tryto motivate ourselves; one way to fool ourselves about succeeding is tothink, Ill be the best in the world, in my class, in my o$ce. But youll!nd the goalposts will constantly change and, in the end, you cannever win.

First steps When you measure yourself against those around you,youll be drawn to dwell on your own %aws. Be aware of this damagingtrait and be kinder to yourself the less you compare, the happier youwill be.

Follow the flowMost of us have experienced it, but probably not as much as wed like;the kind of experience in which you get so absorbed you lose track of

time.Being in the moment also means lacking self-consciousness; when


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were completely engaged, we dont care how well or poorly weredoing.

First steps What we love to do most is what will make us happiest.Look at what youre good at, particularly what you lose yourself in

whether its writing, travelling, cooking, running. Make a list and get itinto your routine.

Trust strangersThe more we perceive we can trust people we dont know, the happierwell be. The happiest countries and communities are those that feelthey can trust the citizens around them. Its easy to see why. If youcant trust your taxi driver to give you the right change, or the postman

to drop o"your mail, youll lose sleep and you wont be happy. Its onething to trust friends and family, but having faith in strangers is anindication of how much youll trust life in general.

First steps Start by being more open; talk to one stranger each day ina shop, at work. Focus on the positive aspect of talking to people youdont know; not the fear that you cant trust them.

Over to you... From kite-flying to cooking, we asked what makes

you feel happy. Heres what you saidKay Brown, readerInvariably, its the little things that make me happy; here is my pictureof heart-shaped kites in Montpellier.

Sofie Grbl, actor

The feeling of being close to other people, whether thats throughwork, friendship, being with my children: a sense that my life givespurpose to someone else, that is happiness to me.

Simon Bleasdale, readerHiking through the countryside in Yorkshire always dissolves worry.

If Youre So Smart, Why Arent You Happy? by Raj Raghunathan, ispublished by Vermilion, at 12.99, on 27 April.


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John Lydon, singer

Writing is where I !nd the answer to moments of depression. Often itturns into a song. Also: tea, at least 40 cups a day. On tour theres nevera proper kettle. When I get home, I drink myself to death.

PiLs latest album is What The World Needs Now. They are on tour inMay and June; details at pilofficial.com.

Polly Skene, readerMy lovely bike makes me happy. Being on this beauty every day, to andfrom work, is my happy place to clear my head.

Mariella Frostrup, agony aunt

If Im sad, I go for a walk Im lucky to live in beautiful countryside. Igo for 20 minutes or three hours. The pure oxygen helps, apart fromanything else, in moments of extreme unhappiness.

Marcus Brigstocke, comedianReggae and snowboarding make me enormously happy. I have to be ina really dark place not to be cheered up by Bob Marley. Sex on asnowboard, reggae playing? Best thing ever.

Marcus Brigstocke will be performing Why The Long Face? at the SohoTheatre, London, until 7 May.

Irvine Welsh, writer

In my teens and early 20s, a Hibs win used to have me as high as a kite,while defeat resulted in crushing disappointment. I eventually realisedthat such happiness and sadness was external to me and out of my

control. I dont get those highs and lows from football any more. Nowif I see somebody with a big smile on their face especially if itssomebody I care about and Ive helped to put it there it lights me upall day.The Blade Artist by Irvine Welsh is published by Jonathan Cape at12.99.


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TopicsHealth & wellbeing Psychology (Science) Happiness indices

Psychology (Education) Sleep More

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