How I Met Your Mother Spec Script -

The Runners Craze

By

Josh DeRamus

JOSH DERAMUS - HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER SPEC SCRIPT

ACT 1

COLD OPENING

Camera opens up on Ted’s two kids sitting on the

couch. They look tired, and begrudgeingly ready for another

one of Ted’s stories.

TED (VOICE OVER)

Kids, did I ever tell you about the

time that it seemed like everyone

in New York City latched onto the

fitness craze wave? Well it seemed

like any other summer in New York

at first...

SCENE 1: MCLARENS

Camera opens up on everyone minus Ted sitting at their

normal spot in McLarens. They look like they’re all arguing

about something, when Ted mopes into the scene.

He pulls up a chair and sits down

TED

(Interrupting everyone else)

I don’t care what you say, but this

summer is just like any other

summer in New York...it sucks!

BARNEY

(smirking)

I was just thinking that last

night...

MARSHALL

(sidelong look towards

Barney. Obviously distracted

by his conversation with Lily)

Well...TED, why don’t you tell us

all about your bad day, because

none of us here are busy or

anything. (He raises up his right

hand with a wrist splint on it)

All this time, Robin has been looking distracted. She has

looked anywhere but the conversation that has been going on

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 2.

TED

Well...

SCENE 2: STREETS OF NEWYORK

We see Ted walking down the street. Bustling activity going

on around him. Rain had just ended, the weather is clearing

up, and people are starting to come out in droves. We first

see small groups of people in jogging/running suits, and the

numbers steadily increase.

TED

(This is voiced over. In the

shot, we see him whistling)

I was walking along the side

walk. I decided that I wanted to

get out and walk around because I

had been stuck inside all day from

the rain.

Ted walks to the crosswalk and is waiting for a chance to

walk across the street. In front of him is a giant

puddle. We see a bus drive by, and almost intentionally,

run through the puddle, splashing Ted.

TED

Whaa...

We see Ted shaking himself off because he is now

soaked. While doing this, another car, a taxi, drives by

and again splashes him.

TED

(Exasperated)

Son of a...

While he is wringing himself out after the second splash, a

guy on a bicycle rides through the puddle, and the smallest

amount of water jumps up and gets on Ted’s shoes. As the

bicycle rides off, we hear a little bell ring twice.

TED

(raising his hands in defeat)

Three times!! Who gets splashed

three times!

3.

SCENE 3: MCLARENS

Everyone is laughing at Ted’s story.

MARSHALL

It sounds like you were overtaken

with a wave of fun!

Laughter

MARSHALL

Ted, your day was nothing. Lily

here decided that she needed to go

out and run, so she drug me along

with her

LILY

(exasperated)

You volunteered!

BARNEY

(Looking towards Robin,

raising his hand for a high

five)

Volunteer high five!

ROBIN

(still distracted)

uh...huh?

MARSHALL

Let me tell you about it Ted.

SCENE 4: MARSHALL AND LILY’S

Marshall is sitting on his couch eating cheese balls,

flipping the channels on the TV. Lily walks into the room

decked out from head to toe in a running suit.

LILY

Marshall! Get up off the couch and

take a look at your woman!

MARSHALL

(distracted by the cheese

balls and TV)

Uh...later babe

LILY

(She seductively walks in

front of the tv)

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 4.

LILY (cont’d)

But baby, I want you to look at the

outfit I got us for when we go run

later!

MARSHALL

(looking at Lily astonished)

Us? We? Running?

LILY

Yeah, you know how I’ve been eating

so much lately, I decided that I

wanted to be proactive and starting

running to avoid looking like I’m

preggers!

SCENE 6: MCLARENS

The camera cuts to a collective cringe from everyone sitting

at the table. It cuts to a facial of Barney, jaw dropped,

just shaking his head in disgust. Even Robin looks a bit

disgusted but also still distracted

SCENE 7: MARSHALL AND LILY’S

MARSHALL

(shaking his head in disgust)

Ew! Don’t say that word. Anyways,

babe, I don’t think you’ve been

eating too much.

LILY

Oh really? Do you remember last

week when you caught me in the

kitchen stuffing my face?

It cuts to a flashback of Marshall walking into their

kitchen sratching his belly and he sees Lily scarfing down

cookies and ice cream, looking thoroughly satisfied.

LILY

Or what about two days ago when you

opened the door on me while I was

in the bathroom eating the Chinese

noodles?

Another flashback of Marshall walking in on Lily in the

bathroom. She is sitting on the toilet eating a big thing

of Chinese noodles. Marshall is taken aback, disgusted, and

runs out of the shot.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 5.

LILY

I think its time we go

running! (seductively) I even got

you a matching suit!

SCENE 8: MCLARENS

BARNEY

The last time a girl told me she

wanted me in a matching suit, it

was when she was naked!

(self-righteous) Oh yeahhh!

Cuts to Ted nodding his head in approval.

SCENE 9: STREETS OF NEW YORK

Marshall and Lily are out jogging with each other. Marshall

is wearing a matching running suit. Lily looks super happy

while Marshall looks a little distracted.

The camera angle changes, and it pans along Marshall and

Lily while running. Again Lily looks happy, but Marshall

looks like he is fighting off constant attacks.

It cuts to a frontward shot. Marshall finally gets fed up

and is about to say something, when he trips over a pile of

newspapers and goes to plant and hurts himself.

SCENE 10: MCLARENS

MARSHALL

(Again lifting up his wrist)

And that was how I ended up wearing

this! Its all because LILY

(looking at Lily) couldn’t control

herself when we were running!

The camera angle changes quickly to a frontward shot of Lily

LILY

Oh no you didn’t! You tripped over

those newspapers on your own!

Camera angle changes again to a shot with Marshall and Lily

both in it.

MARSHALL

You forced me into them with your

kicking and punching!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 6.

Camera angle changes to the shot on the side of the table

that has everyone included in the shot.

TED

(A little awkward looking)

Well...okay, sounds like you two

have some issues you that you need

to resolve. (He looks towards

Robin) So...uh, Robin. Are you

okay?

ROBIN

(Looking up finally and

’waking up’)

Oh, yeah. I’ve just been thinking

about stuff.

TED

Like what?

ROBIN

Well, you know that new job at

World Wide News I got. Well they

have a new opening for one of their

lead anchor positions and I was

thinking about auditioning for it.

LILY

Oh Robin! You should, you would be

perfect for it!

MARSHALL

Yeah!

TED

Yeah!

BARNEY

Yeah!

ROBIN

Well, I walked into the audition

room...

SCENE 11: WWN AUDITION ROOM

We see Robin walking into the WWN audition room. There is a

long bench with a lot of pretty young girls auditioning. We

see Robin sitting down awkwardly on the bench comparing

herself to all of them.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 7.

ROBIN

(Overdubbed)

And the first thing I noticed was

all the other girls looked super

fit!

We see Robin look down at the calves of the women

waiting. There is a quick snap/zoom on a calf, the camera

then cuts to Robin eyes widening, almost disgusted.

ROBIN

(again overdubbed)

I saw this girl’s calf and I knew

instantly that I was going to be

overlooked becasue all these girls

were young and they all looked like

they had runners legs.

SCENE 12: MCLARENS

Camera set back where you can see everyone (classic HIMYM

camera angle.

TED

(excited/satisfied(?))

Those are the best!

ROBIN

I know! So for the past couple of

hours I’ve just been thinking about

whether or not I need to start

running. And then Marshall and

Lily’s story got me thinking that I

SHOULD run.

LILY

Oh Robin! We can run together!

MARSHALL

NOooooooo! Robin, don’t listen to

her! She may be cute in her running

suit, but she is dangerous.

LILY

Don’t listen to him, he doesn’t

know what he is talking about.

ROBIN

(Looking at Marshall)

Lily, I think I will take you up on

that offer! Lets run tomorrow!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 8.

BARNEY

(scoffing)

You people and working

out. (Running his hands down the

length of his shown body, showing

it off) This, is all nat-ur-al.

ACT 2

SCENE 15: TED’S APARTMENT

We see Ted walking around in his apartment picking up a

bit. But the longer he goes at it, the more out of shape he

feels. He walks into this bathroom, lifts up his shirt and

exams his gut. He turns to the side, does the ’woman

looking at her pregnant belly stance.’

TED

(overdubbed)

Man! I really should get in

shape. I look like I may be

pregnant! Ted, its your turn to do

the work.

SCENE 16: CENTRAL PARK

Ted is out in Central Park running by himself. There are

tons of other runners around him, but they’re ignoring him.

He stops, and jogs in place. He looks at his watch (cut to

an overhead showing the time of the watch) and nods, because

he is making good time. Cuts to him running back into the

super sweety and out of breath. There is a pond behind

him. He looks back down at his watch (again, overhead of

the watch. One minute has passed) Ted is astounded

TED

(out of breath)

What...the...heck. I hate this!

A guy on a bicycle runs into the shot. The bike is making a

bee-line for Ted, who is bent over huffing. Ted looks up

and sees the bike and freaks out. The biker runs into him,

and pushes Ted into the pond that is behind him.

BIKER

Yoozers man! I’m sorry I ran into

you just now.

The biker picks Ted up out of the water.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 9.

TED

(Looking down at himself)

What the heck man! (looks up at the

guy) Barney!

SCENE 17: TED’S HOUSE

We see Ted and Barney sitting on the couch. Ted is nursing

his left ankle, and Barney is standing to the side, holding

a scotch.

TED

Barney, what were you doing out

there?

BARNEY

Well...uh(scratching head)...you

see, Ted, after all that talk

yesterday about working out and

fitness, you guys got me thinking

that maybe I should work out

too. You konw, maybe get more in

shpae so that I can sang the

ladies.

TED

What ladies? I thought you and

nora were back together.

BARNEY

Oh yeah...Nora (shrugs)

TED

What does that mean?

BARNEY

Haha, oh nothing. I meant

Nora. You know, after being a lady

killer for so long its hard to go

back.

SCENE 18: OUTSIDE/STREETS OF NY

Robin and Lily are out running. Lily looks a little

rediculous in her running outfit, while Robin actually looks

like she fits in. they are running amongst all the other

runners in NY.

Lily again, looks like she is totally satisfied, but Robin

looks like she is fending off attacks from somewhere.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 10.

ROBIN

(While running...so huffing)

Lily, you just punched me!

LILY

(In bliss)

Robin, you’re crazy! Isn’t this

just wonderful?

ROBIN

Not when you just kicked me too!

LILY

(In bliss)

There is no way...I’m not doing

anything different than what you’re

doing.

ROBIN

(Lily just punched her again)

LILY! You just punched me again!

LILY

Robin, you’re craz...

Lily shoves Robin into a trash can before she can finsih her

sentence.

SCENE 20: MARSHALL AND LILY’S

The door opens and Lily walks in, almost carrying

Robin. Robin is holding her arm, nursing it. Marshall is

sitting on the couch, wrist splint is gone, and he is eating

cheese balls. He looks up and sees Lily and Robin walking

in, and jumps up in excitement.

MARSHALL

Ah ha! I knew it! Did she do that

do you Robin?

LILY

I did not!

ROBING

(Looking at Lily, and then

back to Marshall)

Yes, she pushed me into a trashcan!

LILY

Why are you both attacking me?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 11.

MARSHALL/ROBIN

(together)

You attacked us!

MARSHALL

Baby, do you not realize what you

were doing when we were running?

SCENE 21: FLASHBACK TO MARSHALL AND LILY RUNNING

We see Marshall and Lily running again. This time however,

we see the attacks from Lily that Marshall was fending

off. It is really exagerated and over the top.

MARSHALL

(overdubbed)

When we were running, every step of

the way you either kicked or

punched me.

SCENE 22: MARSHALL AND LILY’S APARTMENT

Marshall, Lily, and Robin are standing around in the

apartment. Marshall and Robin are both looking at Lily

trying to explain to her what is going on.

LILY

(looking at Marshall, sad)

But babe...

ROBIN

And that is exctly what you did

with me!

SCENE 23: FLASHBACK TO LILY AND ROBIN RUNNING

We have a frontward shot of Lily and Robin running down the

street. In this shot we see Lily punch and kicking at Robin

while she is talking. There is not voice this time, just

music. Robin is defending herself from Lily’s onslaught.

ROBIN

(overdubbed)

I didn’t want to leave you, but it

was as if every step you took you

were beating me.

12.

SCENE 24: MARSHALL AND LILY’S APARTMENT

Again, everyone is standing. Lily has her hand by her side,

expressionless, defeated look. Robin is holding her

arm. Marshall has picked back up his container of chees

ball (cheetos) and is eating them again.

Lily sits down on the couch as she realizes that they’re

speaking the truth.

LILY

I didn’t know...

The door opens and Ted and Barney come runing in. They see

the mess that is going on in the living room.

BARNEY

It looks we have a bunch of

sour-pusses in here.

TED

You guys have to listen to this

story! I was out running today and

guess who ran into me on their

bike.

ROBIN

Oh, I don’t know...the woman of

your dreams?

MARSHALL

Sandra from Wesleyan?

TED/BARNEY/ROBIN

(together)

Who?

LILY

(Looking at Ted)

You don’t remember Saundra?

TED

(confused)

Uh...no, should I?

MARSHALL

I mean, she was all you went on

about.

13.

SCENE 25: FLASHBACK TO TED’S DORMROOM

Marshall and Lily are sitting on the floor ’eating

sandwhiches’ when Ted busts in.

TED

(this is college Ted, so his

young, excited voice)

Dudes! You guys know that gym

class that is required of all of us

to take, right? Well...there was

this girl Saundra who I just so

happened to run into while we were

running on the track.

MARSHALL

(high, looks at the air like

he is thinking)

Saundra...Saundra...Saundra.

LILY

(also high)

Do we know a Saundra Marshmallow?

MARSHALL/LILY

(they both laugh because at

Lily’s petname)

MARSHALL

Marshmallow!

TED

(not laughing at the joke, and

plowing through his

excitement)

Well, this Saundra girl, she is

really into running, and I think I

want to join her on this five k

that she is doing. She is like the

most perfect girl ever.

MARSHALL

(laughing, still high)

You? 5k?

LILY

(also laughing, still high)

Ted, you couldn’t run a 5k even if

there thirty sandwhiches at the end

of it waiting on you.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 14.

MARSHALL

(perked up at the announcement

of more sandwhiches)

Where are thirty sandwhiches?

LILY

No...we don’t have thirty

sandwhiches...

MARSHALL

Oh...hahahaha

SCENE 26: MARSHALL AND LILY’S APARTMENT

Lily is still sitting on the couch, but she looks a little

less defeated after that story. Marshall has moved closer

to Lily. Robin is sitting in a seat, with Barney standing

to the right of her. Ted is still standing near the open

door, looking confused.

MARSHALL

Do you remember Saundra now?

TED

I mean...maybe. But, no, Saundra

didn’t run into me. Barney did!

BARNEY

(shaking his head)

Oh here he goes...

TED

I was running...

ROBIN

(cutting him off)

You running?!

TED

Yes me, running. I was running in

Central park when Barney ran over

me with his bicycle.

ROBIN

(She looks at Barney)

What were you doing riding a

bicycle?

BARNEY

Well...Nora wants to do this bike

race thing, and I thought maybe I

could do it with her. So I was out

riding, trying to get the rust off.

15.

SCENE 27: CENTRAL PARK

We see a dirty over the shoulder of a guy sitting on a

bench. Barney rides his bike into the shot. He is visably

wobbling on the bike and struggling. A little girl rides by

on a bike, she is riding a very girly bike. She rings her

bell and laughs at Barney.

BARNEY

(stopping on his bike, and

raising his hand in anger)

Hey! Watch where you’re

going! Not all of us had dad’s to

hold our hands and teach us how to

ride a bike!

The camera angle changes again, so its behind Barney. We

see Barney get set again on his bike and then he wobbles off

towards a doubled over person in front of a pond.

BARNEY

WATCH OUT!! I CAN’T STOP THIS DAMN

THING!

From behind, we see Barney run into Ted and then Ted falling

into the water.

ACT 3

SCENE 28: MARSHALL AND LILY’S APARTMENT - THEIR BEDROOM

We see Marshall and Lily sitting on their bed. Marshall is

consoling Lily, who is slowly coming around to the fact that

she hurts people.

The camera starts with both in the center of the shot.

MARSHALL

Babe, we didn’t mean to hurt your

feelings. We just wanted you to

know that you were hurting us.

LILY

I thought you were just swatting

away the bugs babe. I’m soo sorry.

MARSHALL

(feeling sorry for her, and

smiling)

Do you honestly think that aside

from a few instances that you’ve

been eating a lot?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 16.

The camera angle changes to a dirty of Lily, over Marshall’s

shoulder.

LILY

(looking down)

Well...(feeling her stomach)I can

defintely feel it. I just wanted

to stay on top of things and not

get a pooch belly.

Camera angle shifts to the same type of shot, except dirty

of Marshall.

MARSHALL

(smiling)

Ha, you would be cute even with a

pooch belly. It would be my pooch

belly.

Camera angle change to then both being in the center of the

shot.

LILY

Well, you already have a pooch

belly. (slying looking at

Marshall) Don’t think I haven’t

noticed all the cheese ball cheetos

you’ve been eating lately.

MARSHALL

I don’t know. For some reason I

just started eating a lot more when

I saw you eating a lot. I couldn’t

let you eat for two if there was

only one of you.

LILY

Oh baby! You don’t know how much

that just turned me on. I love

you!

MARSHALL

(leaning in to kiss Lily)

And I love you.

The two of them begin to kiss on their bed. The camera pans

up.

17.

SCENE 29: TED’S APARTMENT

Its later that same day. Ted, Robin, and Barney are just

lounging around in the living room. Almost as if they’re

veging out.

ROBIN

Ted, why would you ever think that

you would be able to actually

become a runner?

TED

Well, I heard everyone else talking

about all their lofty goals for why

they wanted to get in shape, and

after I saw the belly I was

developing, I thought that I needed

to get in on it too. I mean, it

didn’t help that all you have to do

is look out the window and see

hundreds of people out running

around.

The three of them get up and walk over the window to look

out of it. The camera follows them from the stationary

position it was in. Once they get to the window, the shot

cuts to a low angle, forward shot of the three of them

crammed into the window.

BARNEY

Yeah, this is one of the weirdest

thigns I’ve ever seen. Its like

they all think they can get laid by

running and wearing suits.

BARNEY (CONT.’D)

(looking at ted, grinning)

Its almost like we could running

suit up and walk into a bar and

have our pick of ladies!

TED

(grinning at Barney)

Thats not a bad idea...(while

saying this, he looks at a frowning

Robin)

The shot changes back to the stationary forward shot with

the three of them making their way back from the window to

the couches.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 18.

ROBIN

(rubbing her arm)

It was definitely a bad idea to go

running with Lily.

BARNEY

Ha! Robin, if you think you need to

go run to compete with those young

bimbo’s...you shouldn’t rethink

that!

Camera cuts to a facial of Robin. She is glaring in

Barney’s direction. The camera angle changes to a shot of

just barney in his chair. He is sitting on the edge of it.

BARNEY (CONT.’D)

(feeling chastised)

You should rethink that! You don’t

need to become a runner to compete

with those girls. You’re perfect

as you are.

The camera changes to a shot of just Ted and Barney.

TED

(to Robin)

Yeah, if anything, you should run

because you WANT to run.

BARNEY

(relaxing into his chair)

Yeah, what Ted said.

Camera changes back to a shot of the three of them.

ROBIN

(thinking)

You guys make a good point.

(excited)I can defintely get that

job how I am. I mean, I am Robin

Scherbatsky. (coming back down)But

Ted, I mean what about you...don’t

you think you should listen to your

own advice?

TED

Honestly, I thought about it

about. This is just like that time

we all joined the gym

together. I’m too lazy to keep up

with this. What ever lofty reason

I had in my mind isn’t enough to

make me want to keep up with

running, its too hard.

19.

OUTRO

SCENE 30: MCLAREN’S

Camera is in the normal spot, which has all five of them

sitting in the center of the shot. They are all sitting

around laughing.

BARNEY

I can’t believe you guys. I mean

Ted, You looked like the stupidest

guy out there, all doubled over

after two minutes of running.

TED

(A little buzzed)

Yeah, I did look a little dumb,

didn’t I?

The camera changes angles so that its a shot of just

Marshall and Lily.

MARSHALL

(leaning in)

Hey! Ask me if I’m going to go

running with Lily again.

Camera cuts to a frontward shot of Robin

ROBIN

Are you?

Camera moves back to the shot of Marshall and Lily

MARSHALL

Hell...(he looks down towards the

pout on Lily’s face)...maybe. Only

if she makes it worth my time.

We see Lily grin, slyly. The camera then readjusts to the

base shot, where all five are in the center. All of the

sudden a bunch of people run into McLarens. They are all

jumping and shouting, obvious excitement. The camera angle

changes so that it is a dirty over the shoulder of the

bartender. One person leans on the counter, looking at the

bartender.

STRANGER 1

(loudly to the bartender)

Hey did you hear about that 5k that

is going on?

We see the bartender shake his head.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 20.

STRANGER 1(CONT.’D)

Yeah, the winner gets one hundred

THOUSAND dollars.

In the background, we see the main characters perk up and

all look towards the bar.

STRANGER 1(CONT.’D)

Yeah, some group named SVEN is

apparently hosting. They decided

they had too much

money. Crazy! Signups are in

Central Park.

The camera angle changes back to the standard one, with all

five in the center of the shot. They all look at each

other, and quickly they jump up and run out the door.

COLD CLOSE

Camera is centered on Ted’s two kids sitting on a couch

looking towards the camera. They both look mildly

entertained.

TED

(voice over)

Now kids, that race wasn’t exactly

the most fun thing I ever did. But

it was during this race, that I did

at least get to see the behind of

your mother because it just so

happened she was running in front

of me the whole time. But, I’ll

save that story for another time.