hope for the home front

HOPEfor the

HOME FRONT

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Home Front Book A 5/16/06 1:14 PM Page 1

Books by Marshéle Carter Waddellavailable from New Hope Publishers

Hope for the Home Front Bible Study: Winning the Emotional and

Spiritual Battles of a Military Wife


HOPEfor the

HOME FRONTWINNING THE EMOTIONAL

AND SPIRITUAL BATTLES

OF A MILITARY WIFE

MARSHÉLE CARTER WADDELL

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B i r m i n g h a m , A l a b a m a

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New Hope® PublishersP. O. Box 12065Birmingham, AL 35202-2065www.newhopepublishers.com

© 2003 by Marshéle Carter WaddellAll rights reserved. First printing 2003Printed in the United States of America

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrievalsystem, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic,mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without the priorwritten permission of the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Waddell, Marshéle Carter.Hope for the home front : winning the emotional and spiritual battlesof a military wife / by Marshele Carter Waddell.p. cm.ISBN 1-59669-032-1 (softcover)1. Christian women—Religious life. 2. Military spouses—Religious

life. I. Title.BV4528.15.W33 2006248.8’435—dc22

2006008459

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken fromthe HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®.Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used bypermission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

ISBN: 1-59669-032-1

N064147 • 0806 • 9M1


Dedication

This is for You, Jesus.You are my Husband,

my Warrior,my Friend,

and my King.


ContentsACKNOWLEDGMENTS ✯ 11

INTRODUCTION ✯ 13

A PRAYER FOR MILITARY FAMILIES ✯ 15

Chapter 1

FACING FEAR WITH FAITH ✯ 21

Chapter 2

MILITARESE 101: COS, XOS,CHEERIOS, AND UH-OHS ✯ 33

Chapter 3INTERRUPTIONS, INCONVENIENCES,

AND OTHER INTRUSIONS ✯ 43

Chapter 4

DUET DUTY FOR THE SOLO SPOUSE ✯ 53

Chapter 5

A FATHER TO THE FATHERLESS ✯ 63

Chapter 6

TEMPTED: ABSENCE MAKES

THE HEART GO WANDER ✯ 71


Chapter 7

RANK: A RIGHT PERSPECTIVE ✯ 87

Chapter 8

ADDRESS, PLEASE: WHERE YOU GO, I WILL GO ✯ 99

Chapter 9

FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND FARAWAY PLACES:

THE SACRIFICEOF SEPARATION ✯ 113

Chapter 10

FOREIGNERS FOCUSEDON FOREVER ✯ 127

Chapter 11

MILITARY MARRIAGE: MISSION POSSIBLE,

STAYING TOGETHER APART ✯ 145

Chapter 12IDEAS FOR MINISTRY

TO MILITARY FAMILIES ✯ 161

AN INVITATION FROM JESUS ✯ 171


Acknowledgments

Thank you, Mark, for always believing in me, loving me,and encouraging me to never give up. I’d marry you againand follow you to the moon.

Thank you, Joshua, Jordan, and Jenna. You are citieson a hill for your generation. You inspire me. I love eachone of you just the way you are.

Thank you, Mom, for introducing me to my Savior.Thank you for teaching me and reminding me that we arecalled and equipped to serve Him. Thank you for yourendless, unconditional love and for the typing, editing,proofreading, typesetting, and support of this work. Onceagain, you’ve helped make my dreams come true.

Thank you, Jill Rhodes of Grace and Glory Ministries,for your unexpected, invaluable, timely help. Throughyou, God demonstrated to me Spirit-led selflessness andwholehearted commitment to our Lord. I stand amazedat how God mysteriously works to fulfill His plans. Thankyou for being His willing vessel.

Thanks to all my sisters on the home front around theworld. You know who you are. You are the most incredi-ble women I have ever met! The interweaving of our liveshas forever changed me and made me a better person.

I salute you.

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Introduction

Hope for the Home Front explores the emotional andspiritual battlegrounds common in the experience oftoday’s military wife. This book speaks from my personalexperiences and offers scriptural encouragement to mil-lions of others who bear similar burdens of fear, loneli-ness, anger, disappointment, temptation, frequent moves,single parenting, and separation from loved ones.

Demands on persons in the United States ArmedForces and their families are again on the increase.Greater demands mean more frequent and lengthier sep-arations for husbands and wives, an exponential growth insingle parenting, and an off-the-charts rise in fear andworry. Hope for the Home Front ministers to those whoare entrenched at home in the battle for their marriages,their children, their faith, and their sanity, which are allcaught in the crossfire.

My marriage of over 25 years to a US Navy SEAL hasbrought many trials and triumphs, celebrations and crisesinto my life, which all military wives understand. Theseexperiences have become achievements that qualify meto pen this particular book, and each circumstance hastaught me to trust our sovereign God more wholly.

Hope for the Home Front seeks to provide comfortand understanding to servicemen’s wives and family

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members worldwide who are fighting unique battles oftheir own at home. Most are facing these skirmishesalone and unarmed. Hope for the Home Front arms theseindividuals with the power and protection of God’spromises against depression, bitterness, destructivechoices, and desperation. The truth, presented withhumor and honesty, makes Hope for the Home Front a timely and timeless stronghold for its every reader. Italso serves as a resource for valuable insight and ministryideas for everyone who loves or knows a military family.

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A Prayer for Military Families

Dear Heavenly Father,

I pray for every person in every place who loves, waits for,and stands behind a US service member today. Thesepeople are near to us, Lord, in our own churches and inour own neighborhoods. We pass them in our cars, in ourgrocery store aisles, and in our school halls and stand bythem in our bank and post office lines. Lord, they are alsofar from us, scattered worldwide in foreign countries, farfrom friends and extended family, and far from the com-forts and conveniences of home. Lord, You know eachone, each wife, each husband, each daughter, each son,each mother and father, each brother and sister, eachgrandparent, each uncle and aunt, each friend who holdsa service member close at heart.

Lord, my heart cries for these people because I amone of them. I feel the longings, the joys, the fears oftheir hearts. I’ve been where they are, traveled thelonely road they travel, slept in an empty bed as they do.So Lord, while it is a privilege for me to pray for these,this prayer is also a piercing that opens afresh a placeinside of me that hurts with them, a secret place insidethat only You know, a place in my heart and in the hearts

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of all who love a serviceman, a place that is sacred, solitary,protected, hidden from the rest of the world.

As compassion rises up within me for these families,I am reminded that compassion rises up in You, too.You, Jesus, our High Priest, have experienced all that weexperience. You, Jesus, suffered all and more than wewill ever bear. This comforts me, Lord. It comforts meto know that, though my prayer is only from one humanheart, imperfect, incomplete, and incompetent left to itself, You, Lord Jesus, stand in the gap for me, inter-ceding for these men, women, and children, who, whilethe rest of the world goes about its business, are stand-ing behind our soldiers and sailors 24 hours a day, 365days a year. You understand, Jesus, and You make myprayer for them complete and perfect as it ascends toour Father.

My prayer, Lord, is first for those who do not knowYou, those who do not have a true, personal relationshipwith You. O Lord, how they must ache and fear and driftthrough day after day without the real, lasting peace andcomfort that come from belonging to You. I pray for theirsalvation. Save them, God. Work in and through thestressful and demanding circumstances in which they findthemselves. Show them Your face. Let them feel Yourhand on them. Let them hear Your voice. Draw them toYourself. For there, in You, they will find life and rest andreasons and comfort that the world around them can’tgive. For there, in You, they will find all the resources theyneed to live out Your will for their lives.

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I pray also for those families who serve You as theyserve our country—Your people. Thank You that so manyof our soldiers and their families live close to Your veryheart. They are the most amazing people I have everknown, Lord. Their faith in You in an extremely difficultand demanding lifestyle inspires me. Thank You forthese who doubly serve, serving You first and servingthe American people second. Lord, strengthenthese people. Whis-per in their ears thatYou are near. Remindthem that those who knowYour name will put their trustin You and that You have neverforsaken them.

Remind the lonely wifewho sleeps in an empty bedtonight that You are theBridegroom for whomshe waits. RemindYour little ones that You are the Father to the father-less and that they have a big, strong Daddy with big,strong arms. Remind all the family members that Youcause everything to work together for good for those wholove You, and that they truly are called according to Yourgreat purpose.

Give courage where there is fear, fear of tomorrow, fearof not being able to stand under the constant demands,the constant drain of the service life. Give strength, give

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Thank You,Lord, for these who

doubly serve—You first and the

American people second.


good health, give wisdom for every minute-by-minutedecision spouses and children must make while livingseparated from their service members. Lord, give hopeand courage to those spouses of service members who aretraining and preparing to ship out. The strain on thesefamilies is heavy. Make their family time and couple timesweet and intimate and meaningful, times they can lookback on and draw strength from in the days ahead whentheir loved ones are far from them.

Lord, I pray for the loved ones of soldiers who havegiven their lives, the ultimate sacrifice. Lord, please beeverything to those who have lost everything in the onethey loved. Be glorified in bringing about Your will in theirlives. I pray also for those who are yet to be widowed andorphaned in the name of freedom. God, prepare themconsciously and subconsciously for this sacrifice. ThankYou that You are sovereign in everything, even in thosesituations we do not understand and wouldn’t choose.

And I pray for those who serve the ones who serveAmerica, those friends and neighbors who can lend a hand, give an encouraging word or touch, or simply andmost importantly, pray for the spouses and the children ofservice members. Lord, give them a new compassion, a new burden for us. Give them eyes to see the needs andhearts of love to reach out and meet them.

Lord, thank You for all who serve our nation—those onthe front lines, those in leadership, those in training.Thank You for all those who stand behind them—thespouses, the children, the families, the friends. Thank You

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that You are near to us and near to them. Thank You thatYou are faithful to us. I lift them before You. I pray forYour will for them, Your tender mercies over them, andYour embrace around them. Keep those on the homefront in our hearts and minds in wartime and in peace-time, remembering that their hearts and souls are alsounder fire in the trenches, in the cockpits, on the ships’decks, with the ones they love today. Bless them, Lord,and keep them close to Your heart, I pray.

In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, who is our Victor in every battle, I ask these things. Amen.

Grateful to be anchored in You,Marshéle

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i have many reasons to feel fear. I married anendangered species. My husband chose a voca-tion that plunges him beneath the bellies of

monstrous ships and submarines and into the blackdepths of the sea where slimy, barnacled creatures lie inwait. He selected a profession that routinely drops him120 miles per hour through glistening cumulus cloudsfrom an altitude of 13,000 feet and sends him plummetingto the brown, hard earth, suspended only by the fragilethreads of parachute nylon. He chose a career thatrequires daily expert handling of enough ordnance andexplosives to ensure the success of any coup d’etat.

Facing Fearwith Faith

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✯Chapter One


I am surrounded by friends and neighbors who havechosen equally risky professions—pilots of every type offighter jet and assault helicopter and members of ArmySpecial Forces and Marine divisions who train diligentlyand participate in real-world conflicts. My closest friendsare the wives of such men. I fear the prospect of beinga young widow or the unprepared wife of a paraplegic.The thought of my children being left fatherless terrifiesme. I fear the same for my friends and their children.

Because my husband cannot share the secret details ofhis job, I fear the unknown. My best sources of worldinformation are cable news and the Internet. I used tomonitor CNN up to three times a day, depending on myassessment of the world’s tension barometer, concentrat-ing on the news anchors’ every teleprompted syllable inan effort to glean any hints as to my husband’s next clan-destine adventure and the potential dangers he wouldhave to face.

Reminders of MortalityEarly in our marriage, we lived in base housing on Iroquois Point Naval Reservation at Barbers Point, Oahu,Hawaii. To the east, we were bordered by the PacificOcean. To the west, miles of tall, green sugar cane wavedin the tropical breeze. We were situated directly underthe landing pattern of all military aircraft on finalapproach to Hickam Air Force Base in Honolulu. Severaltimes a day, F-15s screamed over our home in exact

✯ HOPE FOR THE HOME FRONT ✯

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formation. In a matter of seconds, all the hanging pic-tures throughout our home were knocked crooked bytheir thunderous vibrations. The ear-numbing shrill oftheir engines as they shook our house always triggereda certain pride and respect for our world’s biggest andbest military. But more acutely, a wave of empathy wouldwash over me for the wives and children who kissed thosevery pilots good-bye that morning. The realization thatpilots don’t always return home from training pierced myheart often.

The beach across the street was located on the mouthof the infamous Pearl Harbor. As a family, we spent manyhumid afternoons on “our” beach basking in the lusciousHawaiian sun, cooled by the ocean breeze, and hypno-tized by the gentle rolling of the turquoise tide. Many a blissful moment was sobered as my eyes caught sight ofan enormous aircraft carrier, a destroyer, or the sail ofa fast-attack nuclear submarine as it left the safety of theharbor. I watched in silent respect as the ships glidedaway from their moorings, sailors at attention lining everydeck like cutout paper Crackerjack dolls. Thinking of thewives and children left at the pier, the somber reminderwould again grip my heart: sailors don’t always returnfrom work-ups and deployments.

The tensions that mount as my husband awaits ordersin peacetime and especially during times of uncertaintyand world conflict are unparalleled in civilian arenas.Mark has served through two and a half turbulent decadesin every military geographic theater of operation in the

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world. Together we’ve mourned the loss of many of Mark’scomrades, several of them fathers and all of them sons.I have stood on the sandy shore many times—my eyesfixed on my husband’s submarine as it propelled itselfslowly and submerged beneath the indigo horizon—andwhispered prayers against coastal winds for his safe andquick return. I’ve stood on cold, dank piers in blusterydownpours—a child clinging to each leg as I watchedMark’s amphibious assault ships weigh anchor—and cried,unable to distinguish between the salty tears, the rain-drops, and the ocean spray that stung my cheeks. In busyairports, my eyes and heart have followed countless mili-tary and commercial aircraft as they lifted and carried myhusband into predawn twilight or blazing orange sunsets.

A Houseful of Ghoulish GuestsAfter every dreaded good-bye, I return to our home, a house once again haunted by legions of sounds andshadows assigned to my address on temporary dutyduring Mark’s absence. The first night falls and spirits offear whistle into my living room, escorted by howlingnortheastern winds through the gap under my front doorwhere a weather strip used to be. As I pay bills and packlunches in the expiring evening, these uninvited min-strels serenade my nerves with dirges in C minor. Eachcrescendo slams the tree house windows, rattles the sheddoors, and sends unsettling staccato pops through therafters, adding percussion to their ghastly symphony.


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I shake off the shivers crawling up my spine, slidebetween the cool covers of my empty bed, and hesitantlyturn off my bedside lamp. Their performance wanes, andin the diminuendo, drowsiness dulls my anxieties. As myheavy eyelids lower the curtain on their theatrics, a shadowplay begins on my bedroom window miniblinds. My eyelids swing up to my eyebrows, and I gawk at the danc-ing silhouettes reaching, bending, and leaping in rhythmwith the wind’s creepy cantata. I pull the blanket over mynose, chide myself, squint my eyes shut, and pray thatsleep comes quickly. My bedroom becomes the stage fora midnight matinee featuring shadowy contortionists,ghostly marionettes, and menacing mimes. They performtirelessly until dawn, and I rise, a wreck from sporadicsleep and a ransacked imagination, to face a week,a month, or half a year of repeat renditions!

Minefields of Marriage and FamilyMy fears concerning Mark, my runaway nightmares, andthe restless children that inevitably sneak into my bednight after night all lead to serious fatigue. The weari-ness invites impatience with my children. My exhaustionresults in disinterest in friendships and ultimately theneglect of my health and home. I am swept away by yetanother scare: the fear of failure, the fear of bombing outon this mission called military life. I fear I will fail to be a loyal wife, fail to be a patient and loving mother, fail tobe consistent in a career that demands daily creativity

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✯ Chapter One ✯


and energy, and fail to stay committed to God’s call onmy life.

I fear growing apart from my husband. Training anddeployments shrink our time together. Regardless of hisassignment, we are usually separated. “And forsaking allothers, you will cling only unto her,” his wedding vowsring in my ears. Too often, I stand alone, tempted tobelieve I am the only commitment he forsook. I fear theday when we may pass as strangers in the hall, exchangerote pecks at bedtime, and converse only with dead-endcomments about the kids and the weather.

I fear the effects this lifestyle will have on my chil-dren. Damage from the daily fallout of this demandingway of life seems inescapable. I fear the instability andinsecurity that may take root in their characters as theymove so often, severing cherished friendships, and liveout a seemingly fatherless and rootless childhood. Therewas a time when I welcomed with pride my son’s aspira-tions to be “just like Daddy.” Today, this worthy desirehas become a dagger within my heart as I realize myson’s definition of his dad will include the word “absent.”I imagine my daughter-in-law sleeping single in a doublebed and my grandson fantasizing promised father/sonoutings as his father treads in his granddaddy’s footprintsof “duty, honor, and country” through adulthood. Godpromised that the children of noble women would riseup and call them blessed. I am afraid to say that manydays my children rise and call me a basket case as I unsuccessfully attempt to be everything to everybody.


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Fear Defined and DisarmedCall it worry. Call it concern. Call it cowardice, paranoia,PMS, nerves, anxiety. Whatever the label, these doubtsand jitters boil down to a defeating spirit of fear. As a mil-itary wife, I am a prime target for this crippling spirit.The more I dwell on my list of fears, the longer and moreentwined the list grows. My list sprouts tendrils thatentangle and strangle, threatening to incapacitate andsuffocate me.

God must understand my tendency to revert to fear andmy short-term capacity to remember His Word, for Herepeats Himself numerous times on the matter! The terms“fear” or “afraid” are used at least 524 times in Scripture,including the fear of God and the fear of man. Some of thefirst recorded words of Adam are “I was afraid…so I hid”(Genesis 3:10). The world was pristine and fresh whenfear, riding on the heels of the first sin, won first place inthe destructive emotions we humans would experience. It is no coincidence that some of the last recorded wordsof the Lord Jesus are “Do not be afraid”(Revelation 1:17).Between Genesis and Revelation, God says “Do not beafraid” 44 times and “Do not fear” 60 times!

Have you ever had to repeat yourself a hundredtimes? I get exasperated having to repeat myself two orthree times! God is perfectly patient. More than 100 timesHe reminds us to fear nothing but Him.

Noah Webster defined fear as “anxiety caused by realor possible danger or pain.” Fear is a deceptive and

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lethal weapon of our enemy, the devil. He carriesa quiver full of fiery darts whose tips are laced with itsparalyzing poison. There is good news though! TheDepartment of Divine Defense has issued a tried andtrue weapon to protect against Satan’s arrows of anxiety.It is the shield of faith. God says, “take up the shield offaith, with which you can extinguish all the flamingarrows of the evil one” (Ephesians 6:16). By nature weare self-defensive. We all carry a shield of some sort, yetall are full of penetrable weak spots and gaping holesthat bare our soft underbellies to the enemy—all butone, that is: the shield of faith. There is room on our armfor only one shield. Everyone must choose her ownweapon.

A Worthy War to WageKeeping the faith can be a struggle, a downright bloodybrawl at times. Paul told the first-century Christians inCorinth to fight the good fight of faith. This tells me thatfacing and overcoming fear is a worthy war to wage.

When my heart melts with fear, I flee to God. I high-tail it into the mighty fortress of His Word, into thestrong tower of His Name. The moment I am in Hisarms, I feel the poison of fear begin to drain from myspiritual veins. God lovingly reminds me that “There isno fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, becausefear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is notmade perfect in love” (1 John 4:18). His Spirit embraces


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my spirit and teaches me, “The LORD is my light and mysalvation—whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strong-hold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?” (Psalm 27:1).“Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear;though war break out against me, even then willI be confident” (Psalm 27:3). And again, “God isour refuge and strength, an ever-present help introuble. Thereforewe will not fear,though the earth giveway and the mountainsfall into the heart of the sea,though its waters roar andfoam and the mountainsquake with their surging”(Psalm 46:1–3).

In the pending panic,I thrust the sword ofthe Spirit in Satan’sface. “I am the God of your father Abraham. Do notbe afraid, for I am with you” (Genesis 26:24). “Do notbe afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 1:21).“Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The LORD

your God, who is going before you, will fight for you”(Deuteronomy 1:29–30). “When you go to war againstyour enemies and see horses and chariots and an armygreater than yours, do not be afraid of them, because theLORD your God…will be with you” (Deuteronomy 20:1).“Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not be terrified or

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When my heart melts

with fear, I flee to God.


give way to panic before them. For the LORD your God isthe one who goes with you to fight for you against yourenemies to give you victory” (Deuteronomy 20:3–4)!

Years of marriage to a military man have brought withthem many trials and crises—all opportunities to learn totrust and fear only God. His Word tells me that, “NakedI came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart.The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may thename of the LORD be praised” (Job 1:21). My husband,my children, my health, my home, and my future are giftsfrom God for this life only. I am learning to let go ofMark and all else that is dear to me here. The safest placefor my treasures is in God’s hands, not mine.

The number of Mark’s days were ordained, determinedbefore one of them came to be, regardless of whether heis a gunslinger or he sits behind a desk and pushes papers.The number and quality of all my days are equally in God’sloving control. Mark’s job is demanding and dangerous.The amount of danger he faces, however, in no way altersGod’s sovereignty. In contrast, it serves to keep my will onthe altar.

When my house pops and cracks like a middle-aged linebacker, I nervously double-check my security system.I realize serious intruders can outwit wires and buzzers,so I call on God to unleash His secret service of brawnyangels to guard my home through the restless nights.

Yet only His presence can guard my heart, so I rejoicethat the Lord is near and remember that He said to notbe anxious, fearful, or worried about anything! That


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includes danger, pain, orders, failure, the unknown,things that go bump in the night, and even death. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present yourrequests to God. And the peace of God, which transcendsall understanding, will guard your hearts and your mindsin Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6–7).

Paul, inspired by God, wrote, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and ofself-discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7). I believe that it is a deci-sion of my will to release all that is dear or unclear to meto God. Each time I do, I sense God’s approval and I amcomforted. At times, however, I cannot muster up thefaith that my circumstances require. Yet I am reassuredthat when I am faithless, He is still faithful. Jesus alone is“the author and perfecter of our faith” (Hebrews 12:2).Fear flees in the face of faith.

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