holyland adventure park

8/18/2019 Holyland Adventure Park

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holylandadventurepark

bycolehayley


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“holyland adventure park”

a short play by cole hayley

draft 5.1


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parishioners:

e l i z a

s e a r c h i n g …

w o m a n

u s e d u p .

t h e w o m a n

f o r g o t t e n


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the following events occur somewhere innewfoundland, canada, during the 1990s.


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(1)

“father, son”


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(1)

Complete darkness. A whisper.

VOICE OVER:

What is your name?

My name is Eliza.

No.

No?

No. Your name is Woman. Where do you come from?

A small town. A hundred kilometers back. It's by -

No.

What’s wrong?

You were just born. You died in the Valley. You've been

saved, you just woke up. You have no name. No titles. No

possessions. You are blank.

What is his name?

MAN. He created this place for us. The world was shrinking

and we flew to the receding edge, headed towards the ocean

like lemmings - he scooped us up - he planted us and we

grew. The only thing you need to know about this land is

that Heaven is at arm's reach.

A spotlight on downstage center. Eliza brought to

life. She begins to speak - to recite - her poem

ELIZA

There is a weed that cannot be plucked

Other weeds surround it,

The kind common to you and I,

The kind that are susceptible to the grasp and jolt


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Of a Gardener's hand, or to the wrath of a whacker

But there is one pesky weed that cannot be plucked,

Whacked, cut, or removed at all, no matter how

Vigorous the method

And I see it growing

Straight

Crooked

Sideways

Twisted

The other weeds, the other forms of vegetation

They get vibrant, their faces get dull, they go from

Small to big to small again

Seeds to dust

But this one pesky weed

Does not change height

Does not change color

Black and towering

Shaped like a Vulture's neck in prayer

Centered in a field that is living and dying

Without ever accomplishing one of those

States itself

Well, where do I fit into this vision?

The way I see it there are two variations

One where I am the only one in the whole world who can

Remove the weed; with it gone the field stays a single

Color, a constant height; it has a consistent level of

Life

Another where I sit cross-legged in the field, the

weed

Growing through my thigh, the skin that broke around

it

Turning dark, no blood, instead century old ash flakes

Off


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During Eliza's recital a second spotlight forms,

WOMAN is standing by a counter. She is filling a

kettle. As Eliza is finishing her spotlight

begins to lessen and marries the spotlight that

was on the Woman. The whole stage is now in view.

An old kitchen table - a small counter - two

chairs - a lamp - a old window frame.

WOMAN

Are you going to read that tonight?

ELIZA

I don't know. It's a bit old, but I don't have

anything else to perform. I've never been one to

properly write under pressure. To be honest, I'venever been one to properly write at all.

WOMAN

Tonight is very important, you understand that?

ELIZA

Yes. Some of the other women told me horror stories.

WOMAN

Who have you been talking to?

ELIZA

The ones who knit all day. I've been amazed by them.

They're machines. You all have so much clothing -

socks, hats, even scarfs for the winter. Do they ever

stop?

WOMAN

Through laughter

Listen, they're far too cynical. Then again, if my

greatest offering was my dexterity, I too would be a

bit sour.


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The kettle cries. Woman walks towards it. Picks

it up. She pours two cups of tea.

I'll tell you what; the worse thing that will happen

to you if you disappoint him tonight is that you will

become one of the women who knit. No one has been

turned away for a lack of talent.

The Woman walks to the table, laying the two cups

down.

Sit with me, have some. It will help. Everyone is

nervous their first night.

ELIZA

Thank you.

WOMAN

I take it that you are not a strong singer.

ELIZA

What makes you think that?

WOMAN

You're reciting poetry for him. Poetry is hardly the

most seductive thing you can do with your mouth.

Eliza, surprised, a bit bashful, quickly drinks

her tea. She burns her mouth.

Eliza

Ah -

WOMAN

It's too hot to drink yet!

Pause


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You weren't expecting me to say that, were you? The

other women got you spoiled.

Pause

You should listen to me. He doesn't care for

intellectuals. He's the smartest person to ever

breathe Newfie air - the most holy too - so don't get

him doubting that. It's best if you just sing a song,

maybe bat those eyes. Bewitchment is no sin if you are

not a witch.

ELIZA

I can't sing.

WOMAN

Then good luck with your poem.

The Woman moves towards center stage.

I remember the look he gave me after I finished my

song.

The Woman starts to sing "The Man I Love". She

Breaks

What is the meaning of your poem?

Eliza starts to muse. She becomes poetic in her

delivery. Woman stares with a silent comedic

expression.

ELIZA

I wrote it a long time ago when I was scared. If I

could sing I would of sung it - I would of sung it

every blessed day I was in the Valley. Before I was

born again, before I was here - when dark took jagged

shapes, like the Rockeys, and snow fell even indoors.When I was stuck there, in that terrible place, and

all I could do was fantasize and write. Write and

daydream. Centuries toppled every time I put my pen to

paper, I avoided the present, I snuck out of time, I

skipped right to the end and then back right to the

start. Then, as everything began right in front of me,

I saw a woman take form, beaming of ardor I thought


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impossible. Her spirit was visible and quivering, but

not from fright, it pulsated of grace. There was fire

above her head, and soon, as she got nearer to me, in

the dark... in that dark terrible place, I saw the

harden face of the mountains become papered. I saw

them slowly start to burn, generating daylight. Then

the sun, squeaky as it was, began to be cranked. We

stood there basking in Day and she told me about this

land, about him. After that I had no more need for

poetry, or fantasy, or my name.

WOMAN

The Valley seems awful. Snowstorms indoors. Volcanic

activity and the like. Not to mention fields littered

with black weeds.

ELIZA

There was nothing in that valley. Blank.

WOMAN

Jeeringly

You are from the Bay right? I heard there’s some pesky

weeds out that way.

ELIZA

Decisive

I was born here.

WOMAN

Of course, of course... your tea should be fine now.

Eliza takes a sip

How is it?

ELIZA

It's fine. What kind is it exactly?

WOMAN


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Blueberry.

ELIZA

Well, it's tasty. You haven't had any of yours yet?

WOMAN

I miss coffee. Tea is good, but it's not coffee. What

kind of Holyland is dry? No wine, no coffee.

ELIZA

How long have you been here?

WOMAN

Four years. Almost five. I'm the oldest and the least

wise.

ELIZA

I think you're very wise.

WOMAN

You haven't been around long enough to know. When you

have spent some time here, some time more than a

couple of days, you'll see how dumb you are capable of

being. You start thinking things that don't make any

sense, and then you'll start doing things that don't

make any sense. And soon enough you'll end up being as

clever as the women who knit all day.

ELIZA

You work with the cows, right?

WOMAN

I do.

ELIZA

That's admirable. It takes patience and skill to work

with animals. I used -


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WOMAN

I used to look after him. I didn't spend all day

hauling at cow tits.

ELIZA

Without you there will be no milk for the morning. I

am sure he appreciates that, I am sure he knows your

worth.

WOMAN

Knows my worth?

Woman laughs

You haven't met him yet, have you?

ELIZA

I haven't laid my eyes on him.

WOMAN

Well love, he got bored of me. I was his favourite. I

slept with him in his room, I ate his food, my neck

bore the imprint of his breath. I guess he saw my ass

too much because now he’s got a new favorite. But his

eye is starting to skitter, soon enough he'll take to

a new girl. Maybe it'll be you.

Silence

Where are you from?

ELIZA

I was born he-

WOMAN

You don't need to pull that with me. Who are you

running from?


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ELIZA

No one.

WOMAN

Okay. What are you running from?

Pause

Nobody finds this place by choice, that's all I'm

saying. Something happened to you or something was

missing. God knows I didn't choose this.

Pause

More tea?

ELIZA

You still haven't touched yours.

WOMAN

I didn't ask if I wanted more tea

The Woman walks over to the kettle, she turns the

burner on

Was the kind you had before any good?

ELIZA

Yes.

WOMAN

Did it taste like blueberries?

ELIZA

A lot like blueberries. Is there a patch around?

The Woman walks towards the window frame


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WOMAN

There's some just out that way, over by the side of

the shed. You can't see it well from here but they're

there.

Eliza joins the Woman at the window

That's where he'll take you tonight, the shed. Funny,

it's about the same size as this house and a hell of a

lot nicer. When I think, "shed" I think something

stained with Moose guts and covered in sawdust,

somewhere the wind can sneak on through - cold, damp,

brutal. That ain't a shed. It's built sturdy, it's on

solid ground. A couple pews inside and a nice mural he

painted, the floor carpeted and all.

The Woman faces Eliza

You know the other women will be watching you tonight,

watching you with your poem. They all want the same

thing as you, be weary of that.

The kettle starts going off. The Woman turns back

and looks out the window. Eliza goes to take it

off the burner

Did you want to go see the blueberries? I'll take you,

but only if you really want to. Only if it causes you

to die of joy.

ELIZA

It's getting dark. Tomorrow perhaps?

WOMAN

Yes, it is almost dark. The days are so short now.

Silence

Your tea!

The Woman goes to the kettle. She pours up tea

for Eliza.

ELIZA


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Thank you

WOMAN

Do you like playing cards?

ELIZA

I wasn't sure that type of thing was allowed around

here.

WOMAN

If there is no money involved then it's no business of

the Devil, is it?

ELIZA

I suppose not.

WOMAN

Do you know how to play Eights?

ELIZA

Yes.

WOMAN

Is it popular where your from? Did you play with with

your Mom and Dad?

Silence

Well

Both women sit at the table. Woman begins

shuffling the cards.

This is all we ever done when I was growing up. Friday

and Saturday nights; I'd play cards with Mom, Dad and

my sisters.

She deals, one by one, until they both have

eight.


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Sometimes after school I'd play with a few boys who

lived near my house. They weren't too crazy about

eights, at least that's what they told me. They liked

their cards though, they liked playing poker -

sometimes they'd play strip poker.

Pause

They'd say to me, "Mary, if you play with us, and you

win, we'll give you two dollars each". Now, I was

eleven at the time, they were sixteen. I kept telling

them no. And for eleven, I had a lot of resolve.

But...

Pauses to remember

Persistence, boredom, naiveté, curiosity... mix that

with a good ol' game of cards and before I even turnedtwelve I was getting naked with older boys.

Playing the game.

I got my first boyfriend not long after that. He was

nineteen, I was twelve. Everyone thought it was all

alright, normal even. Maybe it was.

Silence

Pick up two.

ELIZA

No one said a word?

Awkward silence

Change it to spades.

WOMAN

Son of a -

ELIZA

Were you nervous?

WOMAN


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I wasn't. I knew what I was getting into. I knew what

he wanted, what he was looking for.

ELIZA

Who told you about this place?

WOMAN

A woman. She passed through town. She talked a lot

about salvation. A lot about a pretty man outside of

the city who used a lot of pretty words and was

looking for pretty girls. She was what we call a

herder.

ELIZA

I called her Lady Fire.

WOMAN

Red hair.

ELIZA

No one in town had anything close to that color.

WOMAN

You mean the Valley?

Pause

I'm getting there. Mine's getting darker.

Silence

ELIZA

Why do all the girls have red hair?

WOMAN

He likes it. He gets dye brought in from the city

every once in a while, for the new ones. If you're

here your hair is red.

ELIZA


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I don't think it will look any good on me

WOMAN

You're stunning. Don't get on with that foolishness.

If only I was as pretty as you, maybe -

Silence

ELIZA

What is he like?

WOMAN

He's everything she said. Beautiful. Smart, not as

smart as you, but smart. Holy - in his own way - he's

holier than the whole island.

ELIZA

I'm terrified of boring him.

WOMAN

It's strange.

Eliza

What is?

WOMAN

It's strange how much of a myth he is to you. You've

never seen him - you only can go by what the other

women say.

Eliza

So what do you say?

Woman


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He's a god... some of the time. But that lessens the

more you're around him. Don't worry about being

boring, worry about being a burden. You'll feel like a

burden in ways you never thought possible.

ELIZA

Focus back on the game

Skip.

WOMAN

Why did she talk to you?

ELIZA

What?

The Woman knocks on the table

WOMAN

One card. Why did she talk to you? The herder. The

lady with fire above her head. Lady Fire.

ELIZA

I don't know.

WOMAN

She's been told to only talk to those who are looking

for something. The girls with a reputation. The one's

whose names are on the tip of everyone's tongue...

Eliza. What did you do?

ELIZA

I did nothing and I don't know that name.

WOMAN

You did something, you little shit. What was it?

ELIZA


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Nothing.

WOMAN

With a half-smile

Did you hang the family cat?

Silence.

Did you drown a dog?

Silence.

Have you killed someone?

Silence.

Did you fuck the priest?

Silence.

Did you masturbate with the crucifix? Did you -

Eliza slams her hand on the table

ELIZA

Half-ashamed

One card! One time! I chose passion over sense, that's

it!

WOMAN

Vague.

Pause

So you fucked a man who had a wife?

Eliza doesn’t respond.

What was his name?

ELIZA


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Andrew.

WOMAN

You heathen.

Silence

I fold.

The Woman lays her cards down. She grabs her tea

and walks towards the window. After a prolonged

period of silence, she speaks.

He asked me to leave.

ELIZA

Composing herself

Why?

WOMAN

To be a herder. To be a herder and to no longer be a

pastoralist. Nor a lamb. I'll bring more girls to him,

other girls.

ELIZA

Isn't that an honor?

WOMAN

It's not a promotion. I'm being relieved. My holy duty

done. I fucking loved him.

ELIZA

What if you pleaded?

WOMAN

He does not change his mind.

ELIZA

Well do they ever come back?


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WOMAN

No... well, one did, one time, but he turned her away.

Said she spent too much time off of the land. Poison.

He said she was poison.

The Woman finally takes a sip of her tea, now

cold.

The night I sung for him some of the others sung too,

one girl even made a couple of our rabbits disappear,

a real life magician. But that night he came to me,

not to them, but to me. He brought me back to his room

and we ate. We ate each other. Nothing was spared, if

the Lord is up there he pulled the blinds down on us

that night. That night we were ravenous. The things we

didn't do to each other.

The Woman turns to Eliza

What is the weed? The giant weed? Black and towering?

ELIZA

Death. It rots the land so you move from the land. To

a new field.

WOMAN

You're here because you're afraid of dying. Is that

it? Not because you repent, but because you're scared

and you want salvation.

ELIZA

Does it matter why I am here?

WOMAN

No, I suppose not.

Pause

He can't save you from that.

ELIZA


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Maybe not.

WOMAN

Recite it again for me? Will you?

ELIZA

No.

WOMAN

Good. Save your voice. There is a weed that cannot be

plucked. I should do something about it.

The Woman looks visibly shaken. She starts

clawing at her face. Grasping at her throat. Shestumbles

ELIZA

What’s going on? Are you okay?

WOMAN

Blueberries. What a strange allergy. Salicylates.

Blueberries and Aspirin. I was here too long. I could

have sworn I wasn't alone.

ELIZA

Hold on!

Eliza starts yelling out. No one responds. Woman

is lifeless. Lights fade.


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(2)

“the holy spirit”


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(2)

The lights are brought up. Eliza sits at the

table. A woman walks towards her with a cup of

tea.

THE WOMAN

Tea?

ELIZA

No thank you.

THE WOMAN

Alright. How are you feeling?

ELIZA

I feel fine.

THE WOMAN

I'm sorry that this has been your introduction to us.

This does not happen often.

ELIZA

Often?

THE WOMAN

You were great last night. Real brave of you to read

after the day you had.

ELIZA

Thank you.

THE WOMAN

What do you think of him?

ELIZA

I don't know what you're getting at.


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THE WOMAN

Everyone knows he came to you last night.

ELIZA

Do they?

THE WOMAN

The women are curious.

ELIZA

Unconvincing

I like him.

THE WOMAN

Like?

ELIZA

Sorry... I'm just a bit took back by it all.

THE WOMAN

It's okay. I know what it's like. Being caught up with

it. With him. You should of saw his face after I sung

my song. I was his favorite too.

ELIZA

Really?

THE WOMAN

Yes. Do you write often?

ELIZA

I wrote something this morning.

THE WOMAN

When you woke up?


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ELIZA

Yes.

THE WOMAN

Remembering, fondly

I know that feeling. The inspiration that takes you

after your first night together... Will you read it to

me?

ELIZA

I don't think so.

THE WOMAN

Please, I really want to hear it.

ELIZA

I really don’t –

THE WOMAN

Please.

ELIZA

Okay.

Eliza moves to center stage.

There was a weed that could not be plucked

And I thought I had done it

I thought the roots finally gave

I took the hole that remained

As reassurance

It was over. I won.

But out of that hole something with legs

And arms crawled out


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In the sun now,

With proper air,

Its size began to double, triplify even

Our land was rotted regardless

What choice did I have?

Mom, if I had to watch you die

Once more, this time for real,

This time without the help

Of Auntie's prescriptions

And Dad's big hand,

This time with the help of

Proper drugs and proper needles

And a proper man with a

Doctorate

I would have probably, properly died

So I found you,

I already found him

But he is too far away,

And to be quite truthful I

Have become quite cynical

And I doubt the universe even

Could hold another being that has

Managed to fail me, even if omnipotent

And Andrew I am talking about you

If you are man enough to fuck me you're

Man enough to leave her too

So here, my Messy Messiah,

I came on a promise from

A woman who gave me hope

For the first time in

A long time

I read a poem for you

On the advice of someone

I barely knew I batted my eyes

And you came to me,

In the middle of the night


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SILENCE

THE WOMAN

He asked me to leave.

Lights out.


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holyland adventure park

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