historical inquiry paper with comments

8/2/2019 Historical Inquiry Paper With Comments

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JennaPrice

Mrs.Caruso

ENGL1102

February15,2012

Sinking of the Titanic: Behind the Scenes

The well-known story of the Titanic is one preserved through the years, and for

good reason. Most memories of the Titanic are those of sorrow, pain and remorse.1 The

unsinkable ship was much more than a cruise across the vast waters, but an opportunity

for many to start a new life in America.2 The ship carried multiple classes, many families

rich in culture and those with enough potential to establish a new beginning.

When explaining an important event such as this one, it is necessary to mention

the important people and discuss a little bit about their life history. The most important

person pertaining to the Sinking of the Titanic is the captain, Edward John Smith.3

Edward was born in England and came from a middle class background. He was part of

the Royal Navy Reserve and has captained many ships before he took on the Titanic.

Edward, also know as E.J., became well liked throughout the crew of the Titanic. Edward

planned to retire after his journey on the Titanic. He would no longer captain anymore of

these famous cruise ships. (Titanic-Titanic)

Edward normally ate small meals within his own facility.4 On the night of April

14, Edward attended a dinner party that was specifically for him.5 He had heard word

that the ship was entering an ice zone so he excused himself from the dinner party, early.

Edward retired to bed after he was told there was absolutely nothing to worry about. He

was then woken up by the collision of the iceberg. (Metelko) Many people seem to

Beth Caruso 2/27/12 9:05 PM

Comment [1]: Putyournameinthe

filenameandchangethedate,margins,a

titlefont.


Comment [2]: Showthatyourfocuswbethepeopleonboard.


Comment [3]: Cutoutsentencessuchthesethatofferinsightonwhyyouare

puttingtheinformationintoyourpaper.

Worktosynthesizetheinformationfory

reader,ratherthantryingtoshowwhyw

shouldthinkaboutthesethingsinthefir

place.Justbeginwiththeinformationyo

havenextandatransitionintoit.


Comment [4]: Keepthesameverbtenthroughoutyourpaper.Youalreadyuse

pasttense.


Comment [5]: Combinethesetwosentencesforasmootherread.


Comment [6]: Usestronger,moresuccinctwordinghere.


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blame Edward for the sinking of the Titanic. They say Edward should have been more

aware of the iceberg. In reality, who is really to blame? A ships crew consists of not

just a captain, but also an entire crew whoplay off each other to ensure a safe journey.

Similar to a team of any sport, each individual works off another for the overall success.

The departure of the Titanic started off badly.6 Situations began to occur with the

propeller that almost did not allow the Titanic to begin the travel over seas! The Titanic

was inches away from colliding with another cruise ship, the New York. Passengers on

board saw this to be bad luck. A company, the White Star Line built the unsinkable

ship.7 It was known as the unsinkable ship because it was so large and heavy in

weight that no one thought it was capable of ever sinking. An American tycoon, J.P.

Morgan, was the owner of the famous ship. The cost to build the Titanic was outrageous,

especially back during those times. Nearly 7.5 million dollars were contributed to

making the Titanic magnificent and a first-class ticket was nearly impossible to afford.8

In todays economy, a first-class ticket would range up to $50,000. That should let

everyone know just how expensive the Titanic was. It took a couple of years to build the

Titanic and approximately 3,000 men to do so! The Titanic was quite large for her day.

It was the largest man-made object that was afloat during that time. (the titanicpage)

April 10, 1912 the Titanic departed from Southampton UK in great desire to dock

in New York City in just a few short days. The titanic only made it to April 15, which is

the day that the Titanic made history. Before the horrible sinking, the trip was unusually

smooth. The water was barely moving and there was nothing going wrong. Some say

that if the water had not been so smooth, then the iceberg would have been easier to

locate due to the breaks in the water surrounding the iceberg. The Titanic received six


Comment [7]: Takeoutthisquestion

provetheanswerwithyournextstatem


Comment [8]: Informal.


Comment [9]: Bemorespecific.


Comment [10]: Exclamationpointscawritingtobecomemoreinformaland

conversational.


Comment [11]: Considerhowtheide

thefirstpartofthisparagraphrelatetot

ideasinthesecondpart.


Comment [12]: Worktomakethis

sentencemoresuccinct.


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A lot of people were on board the Titanic and it was a journey that everyone was

looking forward to. There were a total of 2,223 people on the Titanic and only 706 were

rescued to safety. A good number of famous people were traveling on the Titanic, mainly

multimillionaires.18 Many different classes of people were sailing on the Titanic and

some believe that the upper class passengers were offered safety first.19 Between first

class, middle class, and lower class, there were more lower class people then any other

class. Yet, more upper class passengers still managed to be saved. The Titanics crew

made up 899 people of the passengers on board and only 214 of them were rescued.

(Titanic FAQ) The very first lifeboat that left the Titanic carried twenty-eight people.20

The lifeboat was able to hold sixty-four people. Everyone was in such a panic that the

lifeboat operators were too impatient to wait for any other passengers to board the

lifeboat. As expected, women and children were given first choice to board a lifeboat.

Unfortunately, the men had no choice but to stay behind. Luckily, everyone on board the

Titanic was provided a life jacket. (the titanic page)

Today, the Sinking of the Titanic is known about worldwide.21 This is one of the

most interesting yet horrifying events that had ever taken place in history. The Sinking of

the Titanic has better the operation of cruise ships, today. The Titanic ship is now 2.33

miles below water, lying on the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. When the Titanic sank, it

split in two. The two parts are nearly 1,970 feet apart from each other. The Titanic was

discovered on July 14, 1986. This was seventy-four years after the Titanic sank on that

cold April night. The last survivor of the Titanic, Millvina Dean, died on May 31st of

2009. There are no more survivors of the Titanic. April 14th, 2012 will be the 100th

anniversary of the Sinking of the Titanic.


Comment [13]: Informal


Comment [14]: Why?


Comment [15]: Combinethesesenten

forasmootherread.


Comment [16]: Didthismatter?


Comment [17]: Whatisthis?


Comment [18]: Ratherthangivingne

informationinyourconclusionandjust

allowingittoend,giveaconclusionthatbringsalloftheideasfromyourpaper

togetherforonelastlookatwhatyouw

about.


Comment [19]: Jenna,

Youhavesomegreatinformationabout

shipscaptainandcrewandaboutits

sinking,butasyouworktorevise,work

bringthoseideastogetherinyourintro

conclusionsoyourpaperwillhaveamo

solidstructure.

Also,workonthelanguageyouuse.You

writingisstillratherinformalbecauseo

yourchoppysentencesandinformalwo

andphrasechoices.Worktotightenyou

languageandmakeitmoresuccinct.Ifydothis,yourwholepaperwillbestronge

Endnotes: Although you give extensiveinformation in your endnotes, you dont seto talk about your concept. Work to give mend-notes so you can think through yourconcept or expand upon the ones you alreahave to include your thinking about yourconcept.

I'm looking forward to seeing how this wilplay out!

-Ms. C


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Citations

. "A site to remember." the titanic page. N.p., n.d. Web. 22 Feb 2012.

.

. "A Titanic FAQ." The Titanic FAQ. N.p., n.d. Web. 22 Feb 2012.


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9Noonementionedthewarningsthatwerereceived.Itwaslikethecrewdidnot

believethatsomethingwasactuallygoingtogothatwrong.10Anicebergisalotmorepowerfulthensomeonemaythink.Anobjectsurroundedbythatmuchwaterisveryunlikelytobudgenomatterwhatcomesitsway.11Iftheiceberghadbeenmoreoutofthewater,thentherewouldhavebeenmoreof

achancethattheshipwouldnothavehitit.Thefactthatalmostthewholeicebergwasunderwatermadeitimpossibletomiss.12Thesetypesoficebergsareveryrare.TheTitanichadnoluckwhenapproachingthisiceberg.13Normally,cruiseshipstaketheirtimewhentravelingthewaters.TheTitanicwas

goingalmostitsmaximumspeed.Iftheshipwasgoingslowerthentheymightwouldhavehadachangetomisstheicebergalltogether.14Theactualholewasnotthatbig.Thegashwasmassive,butwateronlytraveled

throughaholeaboutthesizeofarefrigerator.15TheTitanicwasnotverywellputtogethertobeginwith.Thewholeprocessto

ensuresafetywasnotthoughtoutbythecrewlikeitshouldhavebeen.16Theshipcouldhavepossiblenotsunksofastifthefirewasputoutassoonasit

wasrecognized.17Intodaystime,itisillegaltonotcoverallofthesafetydrillsonacruiseship.18Thetitanicwasverypopular.Itincludedalotoffamouspeople.Everyonewas

anxioustotouchdowninAmerica.19ThereweremorelowerclasspeopleaboardtheTitanic.Theupperclasspeople

weretreatedwithextremecare.20Thislifeboatcouldhavecarriedalotmorepeoplethenitdid.21Thetitanicwillgodowninhistoryandneverbeforgotten.Itisknownabout

worldwideanditwillcontinuetobetalkedaboutthroughouttheyears.

historical inquiry paper with comments

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