8/10/2019 Herb Schneets Kmo

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8/10/2019 Herb Schneets Kmo

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INT. OFFICE BUILDING - DOWNTOWN - MORNING

A businessman sits at a large desk. Expensive suit, expensiveoffice. He barks into a phone.

HERB SCHNEETS

What did I tell you, Chad? No onesaw it coming. No one knows athing. Its high noon and were offscott free. This time tomorrow

were gonna be eating roast pigwith some hot-ass island chickeesin Costa Rica.

He slams down the receiver. He is in good spirits.

A figure rises behind the businessman and brings a garrottewire down around his neck. There is a brief struggle.

CUT TO:

SAME

The killer bends down over the corpse, flips it over. Hereaches into the back pants pocket and removes his wallet.

CU ON WALLET

He removes the drivers license. The dead mans name was HERBSCHNEETS.

MATCH CUT TO:

EXT. HERB SCHNEETS HOUSE - DAY

The same CU on the drivers license. Its dropped out offrame to reveal Herbs house, same address as on the license.

INT. HERB SCHNEETS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME

The killer drags Herbs body.

STAIRCASE

The killer grapples awkwardly with Herbs body. He loses hisgrasp. Herbs body tumbles gracelessly down the stairs.

QUICK CUTS

-hands grab a shovel

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-hands grab a work light

-hands grab a doorknob

INT. CELLAR - DAY

Dark. Lit by the work light. The killer heaps the lastshovelfull of dirt on the body, then pats the ground. He

wipes his brow.

He pulls out his phone.

KILLERGary? Schneets is gone.... in hisbasement... I need a drink and Ineed to get paid. 6:30. You bet. Ican kill some time.

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

Just as the killer nears the front door, the knob turns fromthe outside. He FREEZES, but its too late. In walk a coupleof Mexican workmen.

WORKMAN #1Senior Schneets?

KILLERYes. Yes.

WORKMAN #1Sorry, Senior, we didnt know yoube here. You told us you leave keyoutside under the frog.

CUT TO:

EXT. GARDEN - CONTINUOUS

A ceramic lawn ornament: a frog on its hind legs holding anumbrella.

BACK TO:

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LIVING ROOM

KILLERWell, I changed my mind. Here I am:Senior Schneets.

CUT TO:

CRAWLSPACE

The grave where Herb Schneets is buried.

BACK TO:

LIVING ROOM

WORKMAN #1

We install solar panels now,Senior.

More workmen enter with a ladder.

KILLERSolar panels, eh?

EXT. HERB SCHNEETS ROOFTOP - DAY

The workers work. The killer stands in awe.

KILLERThis is just so fascinating! Thesun powers all of this! And younever see them from the ground.Really guys, keep doing your thing.Im having a ball.

Sounds from the street. The killer looks down to see:

EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS

Two more Mexican laborers carry a blue sofa.FURNITURE MAN #1

Senor Schneets? We got the couchyou order.

BACK TO ROOFTOP

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KILLERA couch, too?! You know what? Howabout we all take a break? Whoshungry?

VARIOUS SHOTS

-The killer, in apron, cooks up some omelettes.

-The refrigerator door opens and were behind a turkey. Handsenter and pull it out.

-The workmen mill about Schneets house.

-The killer parties with the workmen, who all carry platesstacked with food.

-The killer sits on his new couch.

KILLER (CONTD)Ah! Just like I ordered!

-The killer makes a speech.

KILLER (CONTD)Great work, guys. Really, trulygreat work.

In the midst of their party, a knock at the door.

THE KILLERCome on in!

The door opens, and in walk several Mexican cleaning ladies.Now its a party.

KILLERJoin us! Hector- the tequila!

SERIES OF SHOTS

-Shots are poured.

-A record is placed on a turntable.

-Cleaning supplies are left abandoned in the corner.

INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER

The party is in full swing. Men and women eat, dance, drink,and are merry. Another knock; a cleaning lady answers thedoor.

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Two FBI agents enter.

FBI #1This is the FBI! Weve got a

warrant for the arrest of HerbSchneets for stock market fraud!

Where is he?

Camera pans along the faces of all the party goers (allMexican), before coming to rest on the very white face of thekiller. All the workers point at him.

KILLERAh.... Ah....

INT. LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

The FBI agents have accosted the killer, and have placed him

in handcuffs.

KILLERBut Im telling you for the lasttime, Im not Schneets!

FBI #1Well then where is he?

KILLERAh.... Ah....

From off camera, a voice:

HERB SCHNEETSWhat in the mightiest fuck is goingon here?

We see Herb, dirty, exhausted, half-dead. The room goesquiet.

HERB SCNEETSAnd what are all of these peopledoin in my house?

Everyone is clearly confused.The killer bolts out the open front door.

CUT TO BLACK

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