Track Surveys Ltd: Helping People with Difficult

Feedback (based on the Kubler Ross Model

1969)

Dealing with Difficult Feedback:

The Response Cycle

Track Surveys Ltd: Helping People with Difficult Feedback

(adapted from the Kubler Ross Model)

• ‘I can’t believe this’

• ‘This is not valid because..’..

• ‘There’s a good reason why I did this...’

Shock and denial

• Withdrawal, sulking, lack of co-operation

• Questioning the process

• Questioning the motivation and loyalty of colleagues

Anger and questioning

• What’s the real message?

• What does this mean for me?

• What are the consequences of this?

• Help me to understand

Testing and finding

meaning

• I hear and value the message

• What are my options for action

• I have learned from the experience

Acceptance and moving

forward

Track Surveys Ltd: Helping People with Difficult

Feedback (based on the Kubler Ross Model

1969)

Helping Individuals to Deal with Difficult Feedback

Feedback can be an empowering experience, developing an individual’s self-awareness and their capability to

change.

However for some, particularly those who receive unexpected negative or critical feedback, or feedback that shakes

their belief or self-image, it can be a difficult experience.

The graphic shows the key stages of how individuals tend to respond to difficult feedback. Although the stages

tend to move left to right, they do not always happen in sequence and people can move back and forth between

the stages over a period of time.

Individuals benefit greatly from help and support when they receive difficult feedback. Our guidance to

individuals is always to discuss the feedback with a trusted person, a manager, coach or mentor. If the feedback

is part of a work-related activity, it is critical to ensure that individuals know there is someone available who can

guide and support them through the feedback.

Dealing with Difficult Feedback:

Helping the Individual

Track Surveys Ltd: Helping People with Difficult Feedback

(adapted from the Kubler Ross Model)

• ‘I can’t believe this’

• ‘This is not valid because..’..

• ‘There’s a good reason why I did this...’

Shock and denial

• Withdrawal, sulking, lack of co-operation

• Questioning the process

• Questioning the motivation and loyalty of colleagues

Anger and questioning

• What’s the real message?

• What does this mean for me?

• What are the consequences of this?

• Help me to understand

Testing and finding

meaning

• I hear and value the message

• What are my options for action

• I have learned from the experience

Acceptance and moving

forward

•Listen

•Answer factually

•Don’t insist, argue

or persuade

•Be available

•Ask questions

•Help to interpret

•Suggest possibilities

•Be supportive

•Give them time

•Help with the

Action plan

•Discuss the

Learning

•Help to maintain

forward view

Track Surveys Ltd: Helping People with Difficult

Feedback (based on the Kubler Ross Model

1969)

Those who are supporting individuals through difficult feedback need to be aware that at the shock,

denial and anger stages, it can be counterproductive to try to persuade the individual not to feel the

way they do. Instead it is more helpful to allow them to get through their anger, by being available to

talk, listening and responding to any factual questions they have.

Once individuals have worked through the initial stages of the cycle, they will begin to test the meaning

of the feedback, and you can support them at this stage by helping with interpretation of the feedback,

asking open questions and relating this to their experiences.

The final stage is acceptance and recognition of the feedback and its consequences, and a decision to

move forward. It helps at this time for the individual to be able to discuss their learning from the

feedback, what their options for actions are, and how they will move forward.

The cycle outlined can be a short or long one, depending on the feedback and its context, but it can

be a useful model for managers and coaches to be aware of and to apply when helping individuals to

deal with difficult feedback.

For more information on Feedback, Appraisal, Performance review or Performance Coaching, contact

us at info@tracksurveys.co.uk, or phone us on 020 7206 7279.