hd chi tiet nang cap bai viet task 2 band 6 len band 9 by ngocbach

7/26/2019 Hd Chi Tiet Nang Cap Bai Viet Task 2 Band 6 Len Band 9 by Ngocbach

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Written by Ngoc Bach

Website: www.ngocbach.com

HƯỚ NG DẪN NÂNG CẤP BÀI VIẾT TASK 2

BAND 6.0 -> BAND 9.0 BY NGOC BACH

In the future, it seems it will be more difficult to live on the Earth. Some people think more money

should be spent on researching other planets to live, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or

disagree with this statement?

ANSWER

It is true that there are several discussions about whether authorities in many countries should invest

more money on finding other new places for creatures to survive because of the rising difficulties of

living on the Earth. While I agree that the Earth is as not as [1] favourable as it was in the past, I also

believe that the too much expenditure on space research too much is a waste of time and money aswell.

On the one hand, there are two major reasons why I suppose consider [2] that it is becoming

impossible for ordinary people to settle down [3] on the Earth. The first reason is that natural resouses

resources are put in dangers being depleted [4] due to the uncontrolled consumption of people. To

generate electricity, for example, the growing amount of oil, gas and coal used to meet humans human

[5] demand on a daily basis, which have has [6] serious impacts on the [7] environment. The second

reason is that a great number of countries has have [8] witnessed environmental pollutions pollution

[9] which has [10] affected adversely to humankind. In many factories in Vietnam, there has have [11]

been thousands of [12] tons of industrial rubbish released illegally into rivers nearby.

On the other hand, I believe that governments should be not encouraged to spend more money on

seeking a new planet on which [13] to survive in the future. Firstly, the expenses of researching in the

space industry might account for a huge amount of money in the national budgets. It would be more

effective that if the authorities should use used [14] them this money [15] to invest on in many other

key fields such as education, health and especially transportation, which would [16] raise the living

standard of the citizens. Furthermore, the development of advanced technology would be a much

better solution to improve the survival of humankind on the Earth. Politicians should run more

campaigns to encourage people to use green energy sources instead of natural resouses resources.

In conclusion, despite the fact that there have been numerous problems living on the Earth, I also

believe that it is not necessary for governments to spend more expenses money [17] on seeking other

new planets for humans to survive in the future.

339 words

Written by Tung (Học sinh lớp IELTS Writing Ngoc Bach tháng 04/2016)

Band ~6.0





There are quite a lot of corrections to note:

1. Grammar: the structure is: as + adjective + as....... This explanation is excellent:

http://www.edufind.com/english-grammar/comparing-attributes/

2. Vocabulary: ‘suppose’ suggests that we are guessing something, without having any

information. A much more accurate synonym for ‘believe’ is ‘consider’ . See:https://www.italki.com/question/209900

3. Vocabulary: delete ‘down’ . The idea of ‘settle’ is ‘colonise’ . This is the correct word.

‘Settle down’ has a different meaning:

http://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/settle-down?q=settle+down

4. Vocabulary: the correct phrase is always ‘in danger’ (‘danger’ is not used in the plural inthis phrase). However, the exact words to express this idea are: ‘being depleted’ – this

explains precisely what is happening to the world’s resources:http://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/deplete?q=deplete

5. Vocabulary: ‘human’ is often used as an adjective to = ‘of humans’. This is veryimportant to remember. See:

http://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/human_1?q=human

6. Grammar: the subject of the verb is in the singular form [‘the growing amount’ ].

Therefore, the verb must also be in the 3rd person singular [‘has].7. When used as a noun, this is almost always referred to as ‘the environment’ . See number

2 in this dictionary reference:

http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/environment

8. Grammar: this is similar to correction 6. This time, the subject of the verb is in the

plural form [‘a great number of countries’ ]. Therefore, the verb must be in the 3rd person

plural [‘have’ ].9. Vocabulary: ‘pollution’ is an uncountable noun, so it can never be used in the plural.

10. Grammar: as a result of correction 9, the subject of the verb is now an uncountable noun,

so the verb must be in the 3rd person singular [‘has’ ].

11. Grammar: the rule is ‘there has been + singular or uncountable noun’ or ‘there have

been + plural noun’ . See: http://www.myenglishteacher.eu/question/which-one-is-

correct-there-has-been-or-there-have-been/

12. Grammar: it is important to know how to refer to big numbers. See: www.ielts-

simon.com In the Archives section of the home page, click on the blog for October 11,

2012.

13.

Grammar: this is a structure of ‘preposition + relative pronoun’. To understand when itis used, see:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/learningenglish/grammar/learnit/learnitv286.shtml

14. Grammar: this is an imaginary situation – it has not in fact happened yet. The 2nd

conditional form should be used when we write about such a situation. See:

https://www.englishclub.com/grammar/verbs-conditional_3.htm

https://www.italki.com/question/209900




http://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/deplete?q=deplete






http://www.myenglishteacher.eu/question/which-one-is-correct-there-has-been-or-there-have-been/



http://www.ielts-simon.com/






















15. Grammar: this is a mistake which the IELTS examiners call ‘referencing’. It is part ofthe mark for the section ‘coherence and cohesion’. Here, we do not know what ‘them’

refers to, so we must make this clear.

16. Grammar: this is related to correction 14. The reference is still to an imaginary

situation: IF the authorities invested money in things like education, then this WOULD

raise living standards.

17. Vocabulary: we can spend money, but we cannot spend ‘expenses’ . See number 3 in the

definition of ‘expenses’:http://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/expense?q=expense

COMMENT (BY NGOCBACH)

The essay has been well planned and constructed. The Essay Plan drawn from an analysis of this

task indicates good planning. The only thing to improve is the final part of paragraph 3, where

the ideas of campaigns to educate people to use green energy sources is not linked well to theidea of the development of advanced technology.

In all other respects, the ideas are all relevant. They are developed and real-life examples give

‘focus’ to the arguments. The opinion is clear throughout and each argument is clearly identifiedfor the examiner. With the exception mentioned in the paragraph above, the ideas are well-

linked and the paragraph structure is clear and logical.

It would achieve at least a score of 7 for task response and coherence/cohesion in my view.

However, the number of grammar and vocabulary mistakes would seriously lower the score and

it would probably achieve only 6 overall. I have used some of the good topic vocabulary in theamended essay below.

Essay Plan:

Introduction: introduce the topic, give own opinion.

Paragraph 2: why it is becoming more difficult to live on planet Earth. [1] over-

consumption causes the depletion of natural resources. Example: energy demands andfossil fuels. [2] growing problems of pollution. Example: Vietnam – dumping of rubbish

into rivers by some industries.

Paragraph 3: spending money to find new planets to settle is a waste of resources. [1]

Money is needed to raise the living standards of people and provide good health and

http://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/expense?q=expense







education services. [2] Money should also be used to develop advanced technology, such as

the funding of green energy projects.

Conclusion: looking for new planets to colonise is a waste of time and resources. Repeat

the opinion in the introduction – disagree with the statement.

Dịch đại ý:

Dàn ý bài viết:

Mở bài: Giớ i thiệu chủ đề, đưa ra ý kiến riêng.

Đoạn văn 2: tại sao sống trên trái đất ngày một khó khăn hơn? [1] tiêu thụ quá nhiều gây cạn

kiệt tài nguyên thiên nhiên. Ví dụ: nhu cầu năng lượng và nhiên liệu hóa thạch. [2] các vấn đề ônhiễm ngày càng gia tăng. Ví dụ: Việt Nam – việc xả thải ra các dòng sông của một số doanh

nghiệ p.

Đoạn văn 3: chi tiền tìm các hành tinh mới để định cư là một sự lãng phí nguồn lực. [1] Cần tiền

để nâng cao mức sống của người dân và cung cấ p các dịch vụ y tế, giáo dục tốt. [2] Tiền cũngnên đượ c sử dụng để phát triển các công nghệ tiên tiến, chẳng hạn như tài trợ cho các dự án nănglượ ng xanh.

K ết luận: tìm kiếm các hành tinh mới để xâm chiếm là một sự lãng phí thời gian và nguồn lực.

Lặ p lại các ý kiến trong khổ mở bài - không đồng ý với ý kiến trên.





Amended essay by Ngoc Bach [band 9]

It is true that, if present trends continue, it will become increasingly difficult to sustain humanlife on Earth. While I agree that it is vital to tackle this problem, I believe that expenditure on

research for new planets to colonise should be given a low priority, and resources must be used

to find other, more practical solutions.

There are two major reasons why life on Earth is becoming more and more unsustainable. One

obvious problem is the uncontrolled consumption of natural resources, which are being depleted

as a result. For instance, the extraction of fossil fuels, such as coal, gas and oil, to satisfy

growing energy demands has serious environmental impacts, and these resources will eventually

run out. Another concern is the rising level of pollution worldwide, of the land, the oceans and

the air that we breathe. In Vietnam, for example, thousands of tons of industrial rubbish have been released illegaly into rivers, killing aquatic life and contaminating drinking water.

However, I would argue that the search for a new planet on which humans could survive is a

waste of valuable resources. Firstly, a vast amount of funding would be required to finance such

space exploration, with no guarantee of success. This money is needed now to improve health

services globally and to provide better education for all. Secondly, financial resources should be

used to develop advanced technologies that would be more environmentally-friendly and

provide renewable energy. In the field of transport, to take a simple example, vehicles can now

be converted to run on hydrogen or even waste cooking oil – as McDonald’s have done with

their trucks.

In conclusion, I consider that the search for new planets on which to settle is a waste of time and

resources, and efforts should be concentrated on living more sustainably here on Earth.

303 words





Dịch đại ý:

Sự thật là, nếu những xu hướ ng hiện nay vẫn tiế p diễn, việc duy trì sự sống của con người trêntrái đất sẽ tr ở nên ngày càng khó khăn. Trong khi tôi đồng ý rằng nó quan trọng để giải quyết vấn

đề này, tôi tin rằng chi phí cho nghiên cứu các hành tinh mới để định cư nên được ưu tiên thấ p,

và các nguồn lực phải đượ c sử dụng để tìm các giải pháp khác thiết thực hơn

Có hai lý do chính giải thích tại sao sự sống trên Trái đất ngày càng trở nên không bền vững.

Một vấn đề hiển nhiên chính là sự tiêu thụ không kiểm soát các nguồn tài nguyên thiên nhiên, màhậu quả là nó đang ngày một khan hiếm. Ví dụ, việc khai thác các nhiên liệu hóa thạch như than,khí đốt và dầu, để đáp ứng nhu cầu năng lượng ngày càng tăng đã tác động môi trườ ng một cáchnghiêm trọng, và các nguồn lực này cuối cùng sẽ cạn kiệt . Một mối quan tâm khác chính là mức

gia tăng của tình trạng ô nhiễm trên toàn thế giớ i, của đất, đại dương và không khí mà chúng tahít thở . Ví dụ, ở Việt Nam, hàng ngàn tấn rác thải công nghiệp đã đượ c thải trái phép ra sông,giết chết đờ i sống thủy sinh và ô nhiễm nguồn nướ c uống.

Tuy nhiên, tôi cho rằng việc tìm kiếm một hành tinh mới mà con người có thể sống sót là một sự

lãng phí những tài nguyên giá trị. Thứ nhất, một số lượ ng lớn các nguồn tài trợ sẽ được yêu cầu

để tài trợ cho cuộc thăm dò không gian, mà không có sự bảo đảm thành công nào. Lượ ng tiền

này đang cần thiết để cải thiện dịch vụ y tế trên toàn cầu và cung cấp giáo dục tốt hơn cho tất cả.

Thứ hai, nguồn lực tài chính nên đượ c sử dụng để phát triển các công nghệ tiên tiến mà thânthiện vớ i môi trườ ng và cung cấp năng lượng tái tạo. Lấy một ví dụ đơn giản, trong lĩnh vực vận

tải, xe bây giờ có thể đượ c chuyển đổi sang chạy bằng hydro hoặc thậm chí là dầu ăn - nhưMcDonald đã làm vớ i xe tải của họ.

Tóm lại, tôi cho rằng việc tìm kiếm các hành tinh mớ i để định cư là một sự lãng phí thời gian vànguồn lực,; và các nỗ lực nên đượ c tập trung vào việc sống một cách bền vững hơn trên trái đất.

Bản sửa lại đã đượ c gửi đến cựu giám khảo IELTS Lee (ielts-liz.com giớ i thiệu. Một trong

những website uy tín đượ c Hội đồng anh và IDP tin tưởng) và đượ c chấm 9.0.

http://ieltsliz.com/ielts-essay-correction/

DOWNLOAD BÀI CHẤM ĐIỂM TẠI ĐÂY:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_SZnHS0AHuxOXdQMXE1VXcyTWs/view











VOCABULARY

Sustain [verb] [giữ vững, chống đỡ ] support something/somebody in order to be able to continue

to live.

Example: In the past, sailors took large supplies of fresh water and food on their ships to sustain

them on their long voyages.

colonise: [verb] [chiếm làm thuộc địa] take control of an area in order to live there.

Example: European countries tried to colonise all the countries of South-East Asia.

low priority: [noun] [ưu tiên thấ p] something that you think is less important than other things

and should be dealt with last.

Example: Government spending on the arts is a low priority during times of economic crisis.

unsustainable: [adjective] [không thể chống đỡ đượ c] that cannot be continued at the same rate

or level.

Example: Experts predict that economic growth in China is unsustainable.

deplete: [verb] [thiếu hụt] reduce by a large amount, so that there is not much left.

Example: After 6 months without rain, the amount of water available to supply the city was

seriously depleted.

extraction: [noun] [sự chọn lọc/ sự chiết] the act or process of removing something.

Example: The extraction of salt from the sea has been practised for many centuries.

run out: [phrasal verb] [cạn kiệt] if something runs out, it is used up or finished.

Example: The supermarket had run out of bread, so I had to go to a different shop.

aquatic life: [noun] [đờ i sống thủy sinh] the creatures and plants that live in rivers and lakes.

Example: The chemicals which the factory put into the river killed all the aquatic life.

contaminate: [verb] [làm bẩn, làm nhiễm] make a place dirty by adding something that is

dangerous.

Example: The pollution resulting from all the traffic in the city is contaminating the air that

people breathe.

guarantee: [noun] [sự đảm bảo] something which makes something else certain to happen.

Example: There is no guarantee that money will bring happiness.

environmentally-friendly: [adjective] [có tính thân thiện với môi trườ ng] not damaging the

environment.





Example: Recycling is one way in which people can act in an environmentally-friendly way.

renewable energy: [noun] [năng lượng tái tạo] replaced naturally, so that there is no danger that

it will finish.

Example: Wind and solar power are examples of renewable energy sources.

convert: [verb] [đổi, biến đổi] changed from one form or system to another.

Example: The church in our street has been converted into a restaurant.

waste: [adjective] [bỏ hoang] no longer needed for a particular process and therefore thrown

away.

Example: People are encouraged to recycle their waste newspapers and plastic.

settle: [verb] [định cư] make a place your permanent home.

Example: After his father died, he decided to settle in Paris.

hd chi tiet nang cap bai viet task 2 band 6 len band 9 by ngocbach

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