guiding your strong willed child workshop, week two

Guiding Your Strong Willed Child

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Habits of Happy Parents

• Observe to Understand

• Predict & Prepare to Prevent

• Differentially Reinforce

• Be Boring When Bad

• Practice Happy

• Make the New Way Work

Top Tools of Happy Parents

• Name the Good

• Sure Y! First X, Then Y

• Blame the Man

• Micro Choices

• Goodbye Junk Demands

• Super Kid Meetings

Week Two

Community Name the Good

Family Defining Shared Values

Science Prepare to Prevent

Framework Case of the Missing Sock

At-Home Sure Y! First X, Then Y!

Why Bother to Name the Good?

“Research has shown that the most effective way to reduce problem behavior in children is to

strengthen desirable behavior through positive reinforcement rather than trying to weaken

undesirable behavior using aversive or negative processes.”

• Sidney W. Bijou, Ph.D.

Community

Name the Good Review

• Joining into child’s existing play, not Pinterest craft

• No demands, corrections or questions!

• This should be experienced as really easy for you & fun for your child

Reflect Highlight

Natural Perks Imitate

Specifically Describe

C: “I am building a tower.”

P: “That tower is as tall as you!”

C: (Set table) P: “You set the

table, now we can eat our snack!”

C: (Dancing) P: (Join in the fun &

dance!)

C: (Scrubbing table) P: You are

scrubbing the table!

Community

Video Extensions, Way to GO! Community

• 100% of families participated!

• Congratulations! A strong start!

NAME THE GOOD Small Changes, Big Difference

Community

• Watch out for: QUESTIONS

– So tricky to avoid but worth trying during Name the Good!

– Questions are a demand (withdrawal) since a response is expected & we want this time to be investment-focused

• Consider: NATURAL POSITIVE CONSEQUENCES

– First ask yourself, What is the natural positive consequence of the behavior?

– If it is purely social (i.e. to please you) go ahead and use specific social praise. Aim to highlight process, not outcome.

Questions for the Table – 10 Minutes Community

1. Were you able to set aside 5 min to “play” most days? How did you make it work as part of your routine?

2. Did you avoid making demands, corrections or asking questions? What was most difficult to avoid?

3. Did you decide to SPECIFICALLY describe &/or link behavior to its NATURAL positive consequence?

4. Did you Name the Good by highlighting ONLY those things you would like to see your child do more of?

End

Name the Good – Large Group Q & A Community

• Questions?

• Reflections?

Week Two






HAT Meeting Check-in

• What day did you have your HAT meeting?

• What time did you have it?

• How long did it last?

• Same next week or new time?

Family

Operational Definitions Refresher

• Objective – Did I use only observable characteristics?

• Clear – Could an unfamiliar actor use it as a script?

• Complete – Does it include everything I want to include & exclude

everything I want to exclude?

Family

Courage Defined Family

• Value: Courage

• Mantra: “I can do hard things!”

• Specific Examples:

– When legos will not connect, child says, “I can do hard things!” and tries again.

– When puzzle will not go into place, child says, “I can do hard things!” and tries again.

– When carrying something heavy, child says, “I can do hard things!” and picks it up again.

Defining Shared Values Family

• At workshop you wrote your individual values

• At HAT you came up with list of 5-10 shared values

• Tonight, look at that list and pick one value to practice with… – Over next 10 minutes, operationally define what that

value would look like as displayed by your child (consider value, mantra & specific examples)

– Imagine me asking, “Can you be more specific?”

End

HAT Meeting Two Assignment Family

• Schedule 30 minutes of protected, kid-free time for each week of our workshop on your CALENDAR

• How will you keep yourself accountable?

Goal for Meeting Two

Continue the project we began tonight! Define what the values will look like in action in this specific

stage in the life of your family!

Week Two






Nuts & Bolts of Behavior

Operational Definitions

Antecedent

Original Behavior

Replacement Behavior

Consequence

Science

Today’s Gift from Science

Operational Definitions

Antecedent

Behavior

Consequence

Science

Antecedents – What Comes Before!

• It is loud ! child covers his ears… – Why did he cover his ears?

Antecedents may set the stage for learned behavior but they do NOT cause behavior

Science


• Friend nabs a toy ! child hits her friend… – Why did she hit her friend?


Science


• No snack in car ! yelling, “snack!” … – Why is child yelling, “snack”?


Science

Harness Antecedents • If we can control relevant antecedents we can

decrease opportunity for challenging behavior

– Bjorn can’t jump on chair to see out window to see passing dogs

– Bjorn can’t reach plant to dig in plant to eat dirt

Science

Unset the Stage, if possible • Use what you have learned from history to prevent

challenging behavior by unsetting the stage

Science

Antecedents Don’t “Cause” Bx • Be warned, if we don’t address the function of the

behavior, trouble (aka Bjorn) might still get by…

Science

Not-A-Test

• An antecedent, behaviorally speaking, can best be described as:

• what happens after a behavior occurs

• what happens before a behavior occurs

• what causes a behavior to occur

• how a child feels before she engages in a behavior

Science

Not-A-Test

• An antecedent, behaviorally speaking, can best be described as:

• • what happens before a behavior occurs

• •

Answer: An antecedent comes before a behavior but does not cause operant behavior contrary to popular opinion

Science

Not-A-Test

• Circle all of the words you might find in an “operational definition” of a tantrum.

Wanted toy Produces tears Shouts “no” Angry

Kicks feet Mad at brother Didn’t sleep well

Longer than a minute Happy Throws object

Science

Not-A-Test

• Circle all of the words you might find in an “operational definition” of a tantrum.

Wanted toy Produces tears Shouts “no” Angry

Kicks feet Mad at brother Didn’t sleep well

Longer than a minute Happy Throws object

• Answer? All but those in black – those all are presumptions we make based on our observations, but are not objective descriptions of behavior

Science

Not-A-Test

• Krista believes that the best way to parent is described in the book:

• The Absorbent Mind by Maria Montessori

• Parenting with Love & Logic by Foster Cline & Jim Fay

• The Attachment Parenting Book by William & Martha Sears

• French Kids Eat Everything by Karen LeBillion

• On Behavior by BF Skinner

• None of the above

Science

Not-A-Test

• Krista believes that the best way to parent is described in the book:

• • • • • • None of the above

Parenting is personal! The plan you make at your HAT is the best way for YOU to parent. Harnessing the science of learning can make parenting easier.

Science

Week Two






Using Antecedent Interventions • We use these BEFORE challenging behavior

occurs… they are a “next time” intervention, not a “right now” intervention

• Appropriate to use ONLY if an antecedent reliably proceeds a behavior and you have control of that antecedent – THESE WILL NOT SOLVE ALL PROBLEMS!

– Often you will need other supports to wrap around these solutions to make them work

Framework

Case of the Missing Sock • Little Kid: Sally – Sally is physically able to put on her socks & boots

– Family is preparing to leave for school, Mom asks Sally to put on her socks & boots so that they can be ready to go but… • Almost everyday, Sally can be spotted wandering around

holding her socks while Mom puts a jacket on a younger sibling and then Mom catches Sally and has to ask her to put on her socks & boots again. Unless she is next to her, it never gets done. Most mornings, Mom ends up helping Sally put them on.

– NOW WHAT?

Framework

Case of the Missing Sock • Little Kid: Sally

• Many options, but one antecedent-based intervention would be:

– Take Hard Things Out of Hard Times • Plan to kindly put her socks &/or boots on for her during the

morning transition (don’t ask her to do it by herself first) but let her practice doing it on her own before fun outings. Keep it out of the hard time until it isn’t hard anymore!

Framework

Case of the Missing Sock • Big Kid: Bill – Family is preparing to leave for school, Dad asks Bill to

“get ready to go!” but… • Almost everyday, Bill can be spotted wandering around

while Dad puts a jacket on a younger sibling and then Dad catches Bill and has to ask him to get ready again. Bill then says, “I can’t find my socks!” A sock finding race follows, usually with Dad doing most of the work. When socks are found, Bill puts them on but the family is often late as a result.

– NOW WHAT?

Framework

Case of the Missing Sock • Big Kid: Bill

• Many options, but one antecedent-based intervention would be:

– Prepare to Prevent • Instead of putting all of Bill’s socks in his sock drawer when

putting laundry away, keep his socks in bag hanging on the coat rack.

Framework

Predict & Prepare to Prevent • PREDICT and PREPARE to PREVENT – I do not want to put on a whiney toddler ’s boots • I want to put on a pre-whiney toddler ’s boots before he

whines

– I do not want to find a late child’s missing socks • I want to have a bag of socks on a hook hanging by the

door for the child before he is late

– I do not want to give a hungry, screaming child a snack • I want to give a hungry child a snack before he screams

Framework

Prepare to Prevent • Using too much toilet paper? – Create a visual cue to help child see the line. Invite

their participation!

Photo via diyhshp.blogspot.com

Framework

Prepare to Prevent • Yells for snacks on car ride home? – Put a snack on child’s car seat before you leave to go

pick up child

Photo via amazon.com

Framework

Prepare to Prevent • Usually fights w/ sibling during dinner prep? – Dinner Bin Time (keep it out of reach during other times!)

Photo via happyhooligans.ca

Framework

Prepare to Prevent • Resisting leaving play to get ready? – Get ready for bed downstairs before playtime is done

& return to playtime

Photo via makinghomebase.com

Framework

Prepare to Prevent • Picking out outfit difficult? – Mini Dressing Rack

Photos via etsy.com, designdazzle.com, & onestepahead.com

Framework

Move Hard Stuff out of Hard Times • Take a minute to think about the consistently

difficult times in your day

• What can you take out of those times and put someplace else?

Framework

Week Two






Close but not quite right…

• It is NOT: “If X, then Y” – If you clean your room, then you can have a dance

party.

• It is NOT: “First X, then Y” – First clean your room, then you can have a dance

party

• It is: SURE Y! First X, Then Y – Oh you want to have a dance party? (little dance

move) Sure we can have a dance party! First, put legos in lego bucket, then we will have a dance party!

At-Home

Fun Always Follows

Grandpa: Hey Sonny. Oh boy do we have a problem…

Dad: What?

Grandpa: Max wants to come home.

Dad: Well, what’s the problem?

Grandpa: Well look kid, I did everything he wanted to all right? I mean we got here, he wanted to look for bugs before we pitched the tent – I did that. He wanted to have the marshmallows before we looked at the stars – I did that. Come on, I’ve done everything he wanted to.

Dad: You gave him his paycheck before he did his work.

Parenthood: A House Divided episode

At-Home

Sure Y! First X, Then Y!

• Principle 1: Get buy-in

• Principle 2: Order matters… Fun Always Follows

• Principle 3: High probability behavior (things people choose to do more often) can be used to increase low probability behavior (things people choose to do less often)

• Principle 4: Less probable behavior becomes stronger when arranged this way over time!

Premack’s Principle

At-Home

Tips for Introduction

• GOAL: Use behaviors that are strong to strengthen behaviors that are weak

• Introduce when things are already going well

• TRY DURING DAILY 5!

• Maintain a playful attitude

• Your X request should be short & simple

• If child refuses to do X, don’t make a big deal about it but NO Y until X is done

At-Home

Sure Y! First X, Then Y

X = Something SHORT & SPECIFIC (& maybe

even fun!)

Y = What Child Asks For

or

Y = What Child is Already Doing

or

Y = A Simple Choice

At-Home

Offer What Child Asks For

• Use what child really likes to do (draw with tub crayons) to reinforce what child is less excited about (have hair rinsed) – C: Can I please use the tub crayons?

– P: Sure! First rinse your hair, then play with tub crayons!

At-Home

Offer What Child Asks For At-Home

Offer What Child is Already Doing

• Use what child really likes to do (wrestling) to reinforce what child is less excited about (put folder in backpack ) – C: [Wrestling with brother]

– P: Would you like continue to wrestle with your brother?

– C: Yes!

– P: [Parent prepares to separate wrestl-ee because demands have to be enforceable!]

– P: Okay, first put your folder in your backpack, then 2 minutes of wrestling!

At-Home

Offer What Child is Already Doing At-Home

Offer a Simple Choice

• Use what child really likes to do (read a book together) to reinforce what child is less excited about (put dirty clothes in bin) – P: Shall we read Goodnight Moon or Owl Babies?

– C: Goodnight Moon!

– P: [parent gets close to child to help them transition to pjs]

– P: Okay, first put dirty clothes in laundry bin, then we will read Goodnight Moon!

At-Home

Offer a Simple Choice At-Home

At-Home Extension

• Questions for your consideration… – Were you able to create an opportunity daily?

– Did you start by saying “Sure!”?

– Did you keep your X request small & simple (& fun!)?

– Did you ensure that Y happened as soon as X was completed? (& that Y didn’t happen until X was completed?)

At-Home

At-Home

Making this Work at Home

• Guided Practice Every Workshop Week – HAT meeting • This week: Work towards defining 5-10 shared values (Mantra

& Examples)

– Daily Five • This week: Include a Sure Y! First X, then Y in your play

– 30-Second Video • This week: Email Sure Y! First X, then Y by Saturday

• Invite child to role play if it is too difficult to catch it live

At-Home

Questions, Comments?

Review the slides at biehus.wordpress.com

Email me at [email protected]

At-Home

guiding your strong willed child workshop, week two

Education